
Fibber McGee And Molly 36-01-27 (0042) McGee Tangles with a Tough Chef
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A
Good evening, everyone. You are now listening to wls, the voice of prairie farmer Chicago. The Johnson WAC program. Good evening everybody. The makers of Johnson's Wax lead you to another load of lusty lively laughs and lovely luscious lyrics. With Rico Martelli's orchestra, Audrey Call and that outstanding outrageous outfit of outlying outskirts. Bibber McGee and Molly Marcelli and his men lead off with. Say it, say it. Senor. Here's a timely suggestion to protect your window sills so they will not be ruined by the snow that drift in. Be sure to give them a coat of Johnson's Wax. Well, it looks as though our old friend Fibber McGee is going to wind up as a jack of all trades with no trade and less jacks. Two weeks ago he was hounded out of the dog business. Last week he turned out to be a dope in the drug game. But maybe he's hitting his stride now as a restaurant man. Yes, sir. Here we find him at the big all American restaurant in West Pak. The populous proprietor about to embark on another career with the faithful Molly along as advisor.
B
Kind of a high class joint, ain't it, Molly?
C
What makes you think so, McGee?
B
Look at the sign. Watch your hat and coat, chucks. Nobody ain't gonna swipe no cheap coats, are they? Good coats. Nice people.
C
Oh, I don't know, McGee. More troops was telling me he ate in here. And while he was watching his coat, somebody stole his spaghetti. I wonder what's keeping Mr. Mr. What's his name again, McGee?
B
The populace, Nick. The populace.
C
That's a fine name for a restaurant owner. Nick the populace. I wonder where he is, McGee?
B
He's probably out in the kitchen cooking up some New deal soup.
C
What might New Deal soup be?
B
That's Alphabet soup with three A's took out of it. You get it, Molly?
C
I said that ain't funny, McGee.
B
Okay. How'd Mort say the food was here, Molly?
C
Oh, he didn't complain about the food, only the service.
B
Service?
C
Sure, he says he got those. He'd only order a couple of hickory nuts for lunch.
B
Hickory nuts?
C
Yes, he said the waitress couldn't get.
B
Her thumbs into those.
D
Hello, Skid.
B
Oh, hi there, Nick, old kid.
D
I'm glad you like for to make the terrifical happiness. This is fine. In restaurants, business always cheerful. That is the successfully way. How to do it?
B
You betcha. Molly, meet up with Mr. The Populace. Nick, here's my wife, Molly.
C
I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. De Populous.
D
I'm fine too. No, thank you.
B
Well, sir. Nick, I'm raring to get on the job. What do I do? Head waiter.
D
No, the populace is for to have no head. Waiting, just await.
B
Just to wait for what?
D
Just waiting on the tables. Mr. Magee. Are you having some experiments? I guess not. You hope.
B
Give me a second helping that Nick. I didn't quite get it.
C
McGee. He wants to know what experience you've had in restaurants.
D
Sure, experiment. She's the best teaching.
B
Well, sir, I had me quite a bit of experience, Nick, down in Haverhill, Massachusetts.
D
Mr. Chu.
C
Sneezing.
D
Oh, sure, I'm having six restaurants that place once.
B
It is, eh? Well, sir, I was quite a figure in the restaurant game myself. Being head waiter at the old Herpel Hoop Hotel.
C
Sure, a head waiter. He waited and waited and never got ahead.
B
Hi ho McGee. They called me in them days, Nick. Hi ho McGee, the handsome hawk eyed high pressure head waiter of the Herr Hoop Hotel in hapless.
C
Why mind, one time I. Oh, don't be Ganny. Maybe Mr. De Papuls wants you to start work.
B
Do you, Pop?
D
Sure. I'm glad you report to having those fine experiments in the restaurant business. You should make very good.
B
Very good what?
D
Dishwashing.
B
Huh?
C
Dishwashing.
B
Dishwashing. Who me? No, sir, not me, Nick. Why that'd be like hiring this here fellow Professor Einstein to do little Willie's homework.
C
Now don't be proud. Pride goeth before a fall.
B
You know, before a fall I'll own this binnery. Listen here, Nick. A minute ago you said you wanted me to wait table. Now he says dishwashing.
D
Sure, that's a fine way to doing it. Parts time, wash dishes. Parts time, wait stablies, Parts time exchanging for to be cashiers. Always got to keep him plenty busy in the restaurant business.
C
You'll be so busy, McGee, I'll have to get you out with a habeas corporate.
D
Who's you mentioning? His name, lady?
C
Habeas Corpus.
D
Oh, sure, Habeas Corpus. He's my second cousin. Habeas Corpus. Theodophilus de Populus is for running the new de populous Parthenon restaurants business in a high class neighborhood in Chicago. That's so a Missy Goose Bouliard.
B
Well now, what do you say we get started, Nick?
D
Huckly Duckly. Come on out in the restaurant, Mr. McGee.
B
Just call me Silverbar.
D
Huckly Duckly Fizzer. Suppose you are forward to showing me of your experiments and how you're carrying dishes loaded for trays. You think?
B
Oh, oh. What you mean oh? Oh, Molly. Why shuts ain't Nothing to carrying a load of dishes onto a tray. Just a matter of being sure footed and having a sense of balance. Ain't it Nick?
D
Sure, that's fine for having a balances. Also it is good rich for to have no soupings on a floor.
C
Sure, no soupings on the floor and no eggings on the vest.
D
You like for to try carrying a tray full of dishes, Fizzle?
B
You betcha.
C
Well now, here's a lot of dishes. I'll hold the tray for you whilst you're loading.
D
No, no, Kewpie. He should be for doing it alone.
B
Well, don't think I can't do it alone, Nick. Watch this.
C
Ah, look at that, Mr. De Populous. Look at him pile him up.
D
He's not very good restaurant peoples. He's for putting little dishes on the bottom under beneath the big dishes. This will make for tiddle topplings and pretty soon fastings on the floor. And bang goes a prophet. Hey, remembering Peter, the waiters always pay for their own breaking.
C
What say, Nick?
B
How am I doing already?
D
You've piled bigger piled dishes than most people in restaurants. Business can you carry miss loads.
B
You get that, Molly? He wants to know if Pibber McGee can tote a few saucers. Why shucks, Nick. You ain't seen nothing.
D
Yes, I hope not.
C
Maybe you better let me give you a hand, Magee.
B
Stand back, Molly. I'll handle her. One more of these platters, A sugar bowl, bottle of ketchup if I cuspid.
D
I don't think he'll make it.
B
Now then, Nick, watch this.
C
Up you go, McGee. Up, up. Ah, there. You see how easy he done it?
B
Give me a push to get started, Molly.
C
Okay, McGee. I says push, not shove, McGee. Straighten your knees.
B
I. I can't.
C
Watch him, Mr. De Populous. I'll bet he don't drop a single teaspoon.
D
That's fine.
C
Just set him down there on the table by the door, McGee. Right here.
B
There you are, Nick. How's that? Never crack the cup.
C
He didn't think he could do it, Mickey.
D
Hmm. It looks like I jumped at a convulsion.
B
Why shucks, Nick, that was nothing. Why mine? One time at a bank with for the Johnson Wax salesman up in Racine, Wisconsin. I carried out the dishes. On a bed.
D
On a bed. Always my waitress is for using trays.
C
No, Mr. De Papel. It's on a bet. They bet McGee he couldn't carry the dishes out and not bust any. Am I right McGee?
B
You betcha. They was 252 salesmen eatin there and counting. About nine dishes apiece.
D
That's about, say 250.
C
No, it's about 20 two hundred and fifty. You're a thousand too much, Mr. Sure.
D
Cupy. In restaurants business when you make out the check, first guessing is always too much.
C
Yeah, you're telling me.
B
I got one big tray, loaded all them 2,250 dishes onto it and waltzed them out into the kitchen without dropping a single poppy seed off in a single roll.
D
That's why I said that's why Maybe I think you should be carrying these dishes back to the kitchen tables. In restaurants this is no places for dirty dishes.
B
Oh, shucks, Nick, I. I showed you I could carry him, didn't I, McGee?
C
Go on, carry him out to the kitchen. Okay, off you go.
B
Up.
C
Stay this way.
D
You think he can making it coopy?
C
Oh, don't you worry about McGee. I make him wash and dry the dishes every night. Look out for the dog. Mick Magee. Get up. Get up McGee and scrape the gravy off your face.
D
Who run into me listening please, Mr. Fizzle. In restaurant business there are two doors for to go in kitchen. One door is for going out from one door is for coming inside with it is very fine ideas with trace full dishes to use door for properly usefulness.
C
See now you beldoms get up and.
D
Sweeping block and this is hopeless.
A
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E
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F
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B
No, no.
F
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A
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C
No sizzicado. You know.
B
Sa.
A
Back in the depopulous restaurant, we find that Fibber is going to get another chance to make good after he paid for his broken dishes. Here are Nick, Molly and Fibber going through the kitchen.
C
My, my, look how clean and shiny Everything is, McGee.
B
Tis kind of bright, is that, eh, Molly? Mmm. And look at that. Roast chicken. Hot dog. I think I'll just try a leg and see how good the cooking is here.
C
Molly, McGee left things alone. Is he supposed to sample things, Mr. De Papulous?
D
Those chickens he's not supposed for eating.
B
Oh, now, don't give me that stuff, Nicky. I never could resist a nice roasted chicken like that. You hold her, Molly, whilst I rip off a leg. I think I'm gonna like working here.
C
What's the matter?
B
Why, that dad ratted chicken is made out of cardboard.
C
That's.
D
You see, wise peoples, I'm foretolding you those chickens is not for eating. He is for the people putting in the front window.
C
That's what you get for trying to pull his leggie.
B
Ain't funny, Molly. What's in that door there, Nick?
D
That is a linen closet, a tablecloth, napkins, aprons.
C
How about the big door there? Is that the safe?
D
Sure, Kewpie. That's where I save my fresh meats from spoiling.
B
Oh, the icebox, huh?
C
Refrigerator to you, Magee.
D
Smartingly. It's a fine thing in a restaurant business for to have a big refrigerator. Come see.
C
Heavenly days. Look at the meat hanging in there, Miggy.
B
Looks like it'd feed the army and Navy. And have a little left over for the marines.
C
Marines?
D
Yeah, my restaurant don't serve seafood.
B
Well, it's kind of cold in here, ain't it?
C
What'd you expect? To come in here and roast marshmallows?
D
Now look on these hooks. I'm for to keeping biffs. Biffs?
B
Oh, oh, I get it, Nick. Kind of a steerhouse for stores and a storehouse for steers. Ain't funny, McGee.
C
Heavenly days. Let's get out of here before we freeze heartily darkly.
D
Come, I'll show you the different departments of the kitchen.
C
Look at the stove. Must be 40ft long.
B
Yes, and I'd like to see the whole dead redded top of it covered with buckwheat cake. Hey, what's this little squirt gun for?
C
Nix, McGee, don't be getting into things.
D
No, no, Peter. Maybe I should perhaps warning you. This chef, he is very squeamish. He has bad tempering. If you should for to annoying him, he is undoubtful to killing you with a cleaver. I believe it.
B
Why, I ain't as scared of no dad dreaded cook.
C
Be careful, McGee. He's got a wild look in his eye. And look at them shoulders. He must be as strong as a bull.
D
Lady, he is a bull. He's cousin to Jim Landos, champion wrestling people say.
B
You trying to scare me, Mick? Why, shucks, I can handle your dad. Dratted cook.
C
Mickey, he's looking right at you.
B
Oh, hi brother. How are you?
D
See, that's what he does when he gets mad. He is for looking very sour puss at you. Now what is it you're telling me about? A question, is it?
C
Well, Magee was asking what the little squirt gun was for.
B
I suppose that's to kill flies with or something.
D
Oh, no, no, Caesar. Flies we are not having in good restaurants. This little squidget is for making the beautiful pretty fun things on a pastry. You grab me.
C
I think you squirt out the whipped cream and stuff for icing the cake.
D
Sure you're grabbing on quick Kewpie my Chuck.
B
That's what I thought it was for. I suppose all you do is turn this here little handle.
C
Oh, McGee, look what you done. Ignorance squirted it right into the cook's face. McGee, listen to that. He's sharpening his knife.
D
He is now maybe wondering if we're to use cleaver on you or make a simple slicing of you with Carbon knives.
B
My Shucks, bud.
D
Excuse me.
B
My. I didn't. My hand slipped.
C
McGee, keep away from sure.
D
He's liable to make a hamburger sandwich out of you.
B
Accident is accident. I'm real sorry, Mr. Chef. Oh sure.
D
You see, he is madly in hate with you.
C
Now listen, try and behave yourself, Wiggy. He'll get over what's in this big kettle. Mr. De Populous.
B
My shet. Molly, don't you know what that is? That's salad dressing.
D
No P. You are mistaking soup for what are dressing salads. This is vegetable soup.
B
Oh, vegetable soup.
D
In restaurants business there is always vegetable. Even if earthquakings or buildings burning down. As long as we have water, they'll be vegetable zoo.
B
How about this block here, Nicky? I suppose the help uses that to play cards on when business is dull, huh?
D
No, no, Fizzler. This block is for chopping cabbages for coleslaws.
B
Oh yeah, that's what I meant. Hand me that head of cabbage there, Molly.
C
Be kind to it, Magee. There's more brains in that head than in yours.
B
Is that so? Looky here.
D
Watch how I used to instruct the.
B
Chef in cabbage chopping when I was meter at the hotel at the Walbrg Peoria in New York.
D
Be very anxious with the chopper, Peter. It is twice as easy for to cut off thumbs as to be careless. I'm wondering.
B
Shucks, Nick. Don't you worry about me.
C
Watch this McGee. Not so hot. The cabbage is flying all over.
B
Oh well, Chucks, what's the difference? What was that? Look at the chef and ask.
D
Sure, fizzer, you were for cabbaging him in the eye. Look, he's rolling up his sleeve.
C
Oh sure, look at his muscles, Miggy. You'd better believe it.
D
Who me?
B
I say brother, I'm real sorry I hit you with that piece of cabbage.
D
Cabbages are sweet potatoes is for making no difference with a cookie.
B
Well, shucks, he shouldn't get sore about a little thing like that.
D
Oh no, feeser. And don't you be angrily with him when he is cutting off your ears too. I hope so.
B
You hope so?
C
Say listen, don't talk so loud.
B
Say, can he understand English?
D
A little bit English, but he is not so fluent in languaging like educational peoples like we. If you think you know what you mean.
B
You sure he don't understand English, Nick?
D
Yes, he's not very good for understanding.
B
Well, I'll take that feller apart like a second hand alarm clock. And he needn't give me none of them dirty Looks nuther. Yes you, you big palooka.
C
What are you taking your pits over that way for? He's over here.
B
Well, he heard me, Chucks. If he bothers me, I'll make him look like the witch's witch.
D
Why does he say witching? Witching.
B
Didn't I ever tell you about the time I wrestled four fellas at once?
C
Oh, now McGee, are you.
B
Yes sir. I was knowed as Hammerlock Magee in them days. Hammerlock McGee, the Horny Handed, half nelson, whip cracking heavyweight of the Hudson Huskies. You got time to hear this, Mickey?
D
No, I'm not sure.
B
I got tired of tossing these fellas around one by one. So I challenged the four top heavyweight wrestlers to meet me all at one time and in the same ring.
D
Do you think you could win a boat like this?
B
Why shucks it with pie, Poppy. When the bell rung, they all come for me. Weaving and shuffling and they rushed, but graceful as a swan. I sidestepped and they all come together like a bust of thunder.
C
Did you run home like lightning?
B
No, sir. I waited till they was all mixed up, then I stepped in and quick to flash. I give them the works, braiding arms and legs like I was making a wicker basket. Well, I shuddered when I finished. They didn't know who was who.
D
You are wrestling with four rattling peoples with making baskets. And if you don't finish, you don't know who is for how many peoples there should used to be.
B
Yep, I got the diamond studded belt for that. But the funny part is, Nick, them fellers never could get untied again. No sir. I had them so tied up in knots they couldn't get apart. They're making big money now in sideshows as the Marvelous Witcheswitch Brothers. You see, the trick was to pick em up like this.
C
Put the stool down, lady. Put it down. Then get your shoulder under it like this and heave. Oh my. Now you've done it.
D
What's the matter, beef pizzer? That stool is for landing on the chef's bun.
C
You know he's coming for you.
D
Coming forth to make mincemeats of you. Pizza cookies.
B
No, no. Now listen, Mr. Chef. Shut sight.
D
Now, now, Cookie, don't be for losing temperament. Calm down, calm down.
A
Well, say if you don't stop bringing.
D
Well.
A
Well, somehow we don't think Pippa's going to care for the restaurant business. Here is some food for thought. If you have hardwood floors in your home, you will be delighted with the enriching effect of a coat of genuine Johnson's Wax. The best housekeepers have found that genuine Johnson's Wax makes their housework much easier and keep their homes looking bright and cheerful. But don't think of Johnson's Wax as merely a floor polish. It's a real protector and preservative for all woods and linoleum, as well as enamel and painted surfaces. Wax your furniture, your window sills and door frames, enamel ice box and cupboard shelves. Johnson's Wax will give your rooms new beauty, save the cost of refinishing floors and woodwork, and actually cut your cleaning time by 1/2 because dirt and dust just cannot cling to a Johnson Wax surface. By the way, you can save up to one third by buying Johnson's Wax paste or liquid in the larger sizes.
B
It Sam.
A
That was Marcelli and his band playing Hot Cha Cha. And we'll meet you again next week at this same hour when Fiber and Molly invite you back to Whistle Vista for more hilarity, more harmony and more. But need I say more? Until then, may I remind you that just as the best housekeeper use Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Blow Coat to keep their houses clean and shining, so the most particular car owners keep their cars sparkling with Johnson's Auto Wax and Cleaner. This is your old waxer, Florimoney's Harlow Wilcox, signing off with a riddle. What's the difference between Fibber McGee and me? One wise cracks and the other cries whacks. Good night. The selection say it with Music is from the Music Box Review. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Release Date: September 4, 2025
Original Airdate: January 27, 1936
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
This charming episode takes listeners back to the heyday of golden age radio comedy with "Fibber McGee and Molly," as Fibber embarks on a hilariously doomed attempt to work in a fancy restaurant run by Nick De Populous. Lively banter, slapstick mishaps, and witty wordplay abound as Fibber contends with new job duties, a language-challenged boss, and—most memorably—a very tough and temperamental chef.
| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------|---------------| | Fibber & Molly enter restaurant | 03:50–05:12 | | Nick De Populous introduced | 05:10–07:02 | | Carrying trays/dish disaster | 07:02–11:49 | | Kitchen/metaphorical chickens | 18:20–19:13 | | Refrigerator meat jokes | 19:45–21:13 | | Tough chef run-in | 20:45–24:57 | | Fibber’s wrestling story | 25:38–26:38 | | Final kitchen chaos | 27:03–27:18 |
This episode is a showcase of the classic radio comedy style—quick-witted, pun-laden, and delightfully physical (in an audio sense). The interplay between Fibber, Molly, and Nick delivers laughter through misunderstandings, overblown bravado, and situational slapstick, culminating with Fibber's narrow escape from the kitchen—reminding all that perhaps dishwashing is not his true calling.
For fans of old-time radio, “McGee Tangles with a Tough Chef” is a prime example of why Fibber McGee and Molly was a household favorite, with timeless laughs, sharp timing, and lovable characters.