Flywheel Shyster Flywheel 1933-05-02 Flywheel Shyster Flywheel

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Flywheel Shyster Flywheel" Episode of Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode Information:

• Title: Flywheel Shyster Flywheel
• Original Air Date: May 2, 1933
• Release Date: May 3, 2025
• Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Description: Reliving the Golden Age of Radio with classic radio shows that captivated families before the advent of television. Featuring beloved characters from shows like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, and Dragnet.

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Overview

The "Flywheel Shyster Flywheel" episode presents a comedic adventure featuring the Marx Brothers—Groucho, Chico, and Harpo—as they navigate the humorous trials of being attorneys at law. Set in the pre-television era, the episode combines sharp wit, slapstick humor, and clever wordplay, hallmark traits of the Marx Brothers' performances. This episode captures the essence of their dynamic chemistry and timeless comedic style, providing listeners with an engaging and entertaining experience reminiscent of classic radio entertainment.

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Plot Summary

Arrival and Confusion: The episode kicks off with the Flywheel Shyster Flywheel law office experiencing a bit of chaos. Groucho Marx, portraying the quick-witted attorney, introduces the scenario where both he and his assistant, played by Harpo Marx, are trying to handle unexpected challenges as they prepare for work. Their attempts to wake up on a lifeboat highlight the playful disarray that sets the tone for the episode.

Encounter with Sponsors: Shortly after, Groucho addresses the audience directly, humorously interacting with sponsors (Standard Oil Companies) through witty remarks and jesting about their advertisements. This meta-humor engages listeners by blending the show's narrative with real-world references.

Meeting Sir Roderick Mortimer: A significant portion of the episode revolves around the introduction of Sir Roderick Mortimer, an African explorer portrayed by Harpo. Groucho's interactions with Sir Roderick are filled with humorous misunderstandings and playful banter, especially concerning Sir Roderick's exaggerated tales of African wildlife, such as shooting polar bears and encountering lions in pajamas.

The Great Escape: The comedic climax unfolds when a fictional lion escapes from the circus, leading to a frantic yet humorous pursuit by Groucho and his team. The ensuing chaos, involving mistaken identities and slapstick chases, showcases the Marx Brothers' signature humor style. Groucho's attempts to maintain authority while dealing with the absurdity of the situation contribute to the episode's lighthearted and entertaining nature.

Conclusion and Goodbyes: The episode wraps up with a humorous exchange about dinner invitations and further playful insults among the characters. Groucho's witty retorts and Chico's bewildered responses culminate in a classic Marx Brothers' conclusion, leaving listeners with a smile.

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Key Characters

• Groucho Marx as Flywheel: The charismatic and quick-witted lead attorney, Groucho's character is the driving force behind the show's humor, engaging in sharp dialogue and comedic antics.

• Chico Marx as Revelli: The bumbling yet lovable assistant, Chico adds to the comedic dynamic with his miscommunications and lighthearted misunderstandings.

• Harpo Marx as Sir Roderick Mortimer: The silent yet expressive explorer, Harpo's portrayal of Sir Roderick brings physical comedy and exaggerated storytelling to the forefront.

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Notable Quotes

1. Groucho Marx (00:06):

   • "I'm dreaming that I'm having a nice two dollar dinner and you have to wake me up."
     [00:07]
     Sets the comedic tone with a play on expectations versus reality.

2. Groucho Marx (05:15):

   • "Prunes aren't what they used to be."
     [05:15]
     A classic Groucho line, blending humor with a touch of absurdity.

3. Groucho Marx (14:06):

   • "One day we were out prospective. We got wind of a herd of ghosts."
     [14:06]
     Demonstrates Groucho's knack for creating humor out of nonsensical scenarios.

4. Harpo Marx (16:44):

   • "Would you like me to run through it again? Or would you like to see my ape man, Mr. R. Swing from the chandelier?"
     [16:44]
     Showcases Harpo's physical comedy and silent humor.

5. Groucho Marx (20:43):

   • "Well, see that you remain that way. Now, after we three are married."
     [20:43]
     Highlights the playful and sarcastic interactions characteristic of the Marx Brothers.

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Comedic Highlights

• Wordplay and Puns: Groucho's clever use of language and puns adds layers of humor, engaging listeners with each witty remark.

• Physical Comedy: Harpo's silent yet expressive performances, including his interactions with props like the lion's cage, infuse the episode with visual humor adapted for radio.

• Dynamic Interactions: The interplay between Groucho, Chico, and Harpo creates a lively and entertaining atmosphere, with each brother bringing his unique comedic style to the narrative.

• Satirical Elements: The episode subtly satirizes societal norms and institutions, such as marriage and professional settings, through humor and exaggerated scenarios.

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Conclusion

The "Flywheel Shyster Flywheel" episode of Harold's Old Time Radio is a quintessential example of Golden Age radio entertainment. Through the Marx Brothers' impeccable timing, sharp dialogue, and engaging characters, the episode delivers laughter and amusement that transcend time. By blending situational comedy with clever wordplay, the episode remains a delightful listen for both nostalgic audiences and new listeners seeking classic radio humor.

Transcript

[Stiles Mackenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Stiles Mackenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip when it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table. From wayfair.com fierce this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior. Wayfair Every style.

[Groucho Marx]

Every home. The Five Star Theater presents Groucho and Pickle Marsh. The Five Star Theater is sponsored by the Standard Oil Companies of New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Louisiana and the Colonial Beacon oil company through 30,000 so celled Esso stations which form a network of convenient service to the motorists all the way from Maine to Louisiana. These companies supply the public with the products of the world's leading oil organization. Now, before we go on with the program, the sponsors have asked me to make a special announcement about gasoline. Between now and June 1st, you will be reading and hearing many claims and counterclaims about new motor fuels and new gasoline. We will be bombarded with advertising superlatives. In the face of all this, we want you to know that this organization will maintain its position of leadership in the oil industry. On June 2, we will place a new product on the market which will be an important milestone in motor fuel history. This new motor fuel is a challenge to all gasoline. Monday night is comedy night in the Five Star Theater. We're about to hear those mad moxes in another of their three act comedies concerning the adventures of Flywheel Stripster and Flywheel Attorneys at Law. Both are are coming onto the platform now just as you remember them on stage and screen. Groucho and his little black mustache, red tie and frock coat. Dicko and his birthy hair, little green hat and corduroy coat. Our officer, conductor Leonard Joy is lifting his stick and the show is about to begin. SA.

[Chico Marx]

Law Offices of Fleet of your Chester and Flywheel. No, Mr. Flywheel isn't in. He's been on an ocean cruise, but his boat is returning today. No, his assistant, Mr. Re isn't in either. He's with Mr. Flywheel. Yes, I'll tell him you'll call. Goodbye.

[Groucho Marx]

Where's that first thing? Oh, There you are, Mr. Johnson. You call me Captain. Yes. Have you found those two stowaways? Not yet, sir. Well, we're landing in 10 minutes and they've got to be found before they have a chance to get a job. Thanks to the ship again. Aye aye, sir. Hey, Flywheel, wake up. We gotta get out of this lifeboat. They're still looking for us, boss.

[Harpo Marx]

The boss will come on.

[Groucho Marx]

Come on.

[Harpo Marx]

Again. Get up.

[Groucho Marx]

That's fine. Here. I'm dreaming that I'm having a nice two dollar dinner and you have to wake me up. But, Flywheel, the boat's landing.

[Harpo Marx]

Never mind.

[Groucho Marx]

Go.

[Chico Marx]

Wait.

[Groucho Marx]

Like, finish my dream. Now, where did I leave off? But we're at the dock, the pier. Dock? Pier? What do you mean, dock? Pier.

[Harpo Marx]

I'd rather have light pier.

[Groucho Marx]

Let me go back to sleep. My dinner's getting cold. Hey, maybe you can dream me a ham sandwich. I haven't eaten in three days. Three days? Why, you've only been on the boat two days. Well, I didn't eat yesterday, I didn't eat today, and I'm not going to eat tomorrow. That makes it three days. Quick, drop down on the lightboard. There's somebody coming.

[Chico Marx]

Good.

[Groucho Marx]

What are you doing with those guys up here on this deck? Just take.

[Chico Marx]

Pardon, sir.

[Groucho Marx]

They belongs to Sir Robert Morty. Oh, that African explorer.

[Harpo Marx]

Where's he been the whole boy?

[Groucho Marx]

I haven't seen him once. Oh, he keeps to his kenning, sir. He's very shy. Wants to be the last one off the boat to avoid the reporters on the top. Ask me to put his luggage up here out of the way till he's ready to get offset. All right, pile it over by that light bolt there. Out of the way. It's a big port. They laid hands on this too, while you get there? No, but we'll get them when they try to get ashore. When we do, I'll see that they get theirs as zeit. Hey, Flywheel, they said we'll get the zeist. I think I'll take a prune.

[Harpo Marx]

I wouldn't rebelli.

[Groucho Marx]

Prunes aren't what they used to be. No? No. They used to be plums. But that's neither here nor there. We've got to figure out how to get ashore. I know how to get a saw, boss. You do? Sure. Look, I say to myself how we get onto this boat. And the answer come back. We walk on it. Then I say to myself how we.

[Harpo Marx]

Get off of this boat?

[Groucho Marx]

And the answer coming like a flash, we walk off. Nice worker valley. Now ask yourself, how are we going to get by all the ship's officers that'll be guarding the gangplank looking for us? Oh, no. I only ask them myself. Easy questions. Hey, there's nobody around. Let's get out of this lifeboat. Okay. Hey there. Look, there's an officer. He's seen us. I saw doom. You pick up six or eight of Sir Roderick bags laying over there and try to look like a captain.

[Harpo Marx]

Well, Captain.

[Groucho Marx]

I'm not the captain. I'm the boatswain's mate. You're his mate? Well, I hope you're very happy together. Give my regards to the boats. Comer Valley. Bring that luggage. You know, you fellas look just like a couple of stowaways we're looking for. Well, we just heard the opposite. We heard of the stowaways look just like us. One is a little fella with an attack. Well, it can't be me. No one ever said Flywheel was a little fellow with an Italian accent. And the other is a tall guy with a black mustache who talks a lot. Well, I know talking so much. Say, Bo, how do we know you're not the stowaway? You got a black mustache and you talk too much. Have you seen any suspicious looking characters around here? Nobody but you. Why don't you throw yourself an iron? Come, Revelli. Bring that luggage. Unless I'm very much mistaken, and I usually am, the gang flank is down this way. It don't look like they're around here. I'm gonna see the captain. It's my real. I think he's got a suspicion. Hang on to those bags and shut up. Passengers, line up to the gang tank one at a time. Six o'clock. Gangway. Gangway, please. Gangway. Wait a minute.

[Harpo Marx]

Wait a minute.

[Groucho Marx]

May I ask what's your rush? You may ask, but I bet we will know the answer. Keep moving, Revelli. Hey.

[Chico Marx]

Hey.

[Groucho Marx]

Who are you pushing? I don't know. Who are you? I'm the captain. Well, then I must be pushing the cap. Well, we don't speak to underlings. Get me the general. If he isn't around, I'll talk to two colonels. Hey, there's something fishy about this. How did you tramp get on this boat? We thought it was a tramp steamer. Oh, you did, did you? Well, you're not going to find it so easy to get off. I'll stand away from this gang plank until the passengers leave. I'll attend to you later, Graham.

[Chico Marx]

I do believe it. Cause Donovan Mortimer quicker. No, Uncle Roger, I know you have a reputation for a retiring nature, but you can't fool me. I see your name on your luggage.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, stop your snooping.

[Chico Marx]

I'm Mrs. Livingston and I'm expecting you down at my Lone island home for a weekend.

[Groucho Marx]

Don't be a pack of. Madam, make It a month or we can't do business.

[Chico Marx]

A month? Oh, lovely. Oh, Sir Roger, the honor overflows me. Are you going to get off the boat? My car is waiting for us on the dock.

[Groucho Marx]

Lead the way, Goldilocks. And would you mind carrying some of these bags or those tires? I'm second thought. Never mind the bag. Carry me. Pardon me. Now what are you going to beef about, Captain?

[Harpo Marx]

I want to apologize, sir.

[Groucho Marx]

I had no idea you were Sir.

[Harpo Marx]

Roderick Mortimer, the explorer.

[Groucho Marx]

Well, it came as a surprise to me too. Come on, Ravelli. You too. Cluck clock.

[Chico Marx]

No go. Did you call me a club?

[Groucho Marx]

That's because you're cuckoo. You're a cuckoo cll. That's no way to talk to a lady. Well, show me a lady and I'll talk to her.

[Chico Marx]

Well, here we are. All the docks now. My colleague strike through the beach way.

[Groucho Marx]

I beg your pardon, sir. I'm from the customs. I'll have to examine you. Anything to oblige. What do you want me to take off? Do you want to hear me take off? Marisha. Valerie, if an ideal could sing like you. This thing.

[Chico Marx]

Watch me.

[Groucho Marx]

I mean, have you got anything to declare? I decay. I'm getting pretty sick of you all a mo. Quick, open up that big bag. Very well, Saravelli. Open that big bag. All right, all right, I open it. Hey, look. What's in there? I don't know, boss. It's a green and looks like a big spaghetti. Must be a green spaghetti. Hey, it's a movie. It's alive. Look, just a snake. Look out. It's snake boys. Hey, that big one there almost bit me. Quick, find out which end is a face to slap it. Hurry. Shut that. Shut that bag before the snakes escape all of all over the dock. That s. We don't want them anyway. But they're dangerous and I'm sure we don't want them. However, I haven't time for this idle. Scatter. Close the bag for this petelly and let's cram. Okay, supply wheel.

[Chico Marx]

Are you coming, Sir Rodri? My car's waiting.

[Groucho Marx]

That's fine, babe. We'll hop in your car. You can follow on foot. Sir Rodri, architect are loose on the boat. Monkeys are loose. I'll get a monkey wrench and tighten them up. This is Mrs. Livington's residence. The such house meeting.

[Harpo Marx]

No, no.

[Groucho Marx]

Mrs. Rington is now showing the mansion and the grounds to Sir Roderick Mortimer. And I believe Sir Revellis. Yes. Good night.

[Chico Marx]

Have you seen Sir Robert?

[Groucho Marx]

I thought you were showing him the.

[Chico Marx]

Estate I was, but whenever I. How do you like my little home?

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, it's not so bad. Wait a minute. Come to think of it, it is pretty bad. As a matter of fact, it's one of the foulies looking dumps I've ever seen.

[Chico Marx]

What's so wrong with it?

[Groucho Marx]

Madam, you're letting this place run down and what's the result? You're not getting the class of people you're used to. You're getting people like yourself. Now I'll tell you what we do. We'll put a sign up place under new management. We'll set up a 75 cent meal that will knock their eyes out. After we knock their eyes out we can charge them anything we want. Now sign here and give me your check for fifteen hundred dollars. And I want to tell you madam, with insurance policy you have provided for your little ones and for your old lady which will be here any day now. If I may judge of Horseworth.

[Harpo Marx]

Hey, boss. Boss.

[Chico Marx]

If there's one question I'd like to ask you. What is that little man to use you?

[Groucho Marx]

You must know he's a pain in the neck. Boss. Boss. You tell her this old war horse. I got to have a new room.

[Chico Marx]

A new room? So what's the matter with the one I find you? It's the best room in the house.

[Groucho Marx]

Yeah, but the snakes are running around up there.

[Chico Marx]

Snakes in your room?

[Groucho Marx]

Say, Mrs. Livington, maybe the snakes can stay in your room. Oh no, those snakes would never stand for that. There you are, madam.

[Harpo Marx]

You can see that he's nobody's fool.

[Groucho Marx]

Possibly because nobody wants him. And see here, what's the idea of going around looking as if you're stuck in your clothes? Well, I do sleep in them. Well, the least you can do is have my shoes repaired. I can see your toes sticking through them. What do you repair shoes with? With cow Horses? Cowhide hide. You know what hide is? A cow's outside. A cow's outside. Well, let her come in. I'm not afraid. I beg pardon, madam.

[Chico Marx]

What is it, Meadow?

[Groucho Marx]

The gentleman from the prep are here. Yes, madam.

[Chico Marx]

Sir. Darling, if you wouldn't mind making a small statement for the press, would you?

[Groucho Marx]

No, as a matter of fact I prepared a small statement. Revelli, where's that statement? Here it is, boss. She owes us 14 bucks. Catch. Put outside and we had a good time with Gurudanashiba. Gentlemen, from the press. Is the reporter from the Star here? I'm from the Star. Well, I want you to go back and tell your editor I don't like your paper? It's no good. Every time I sleep under it in the park, it gets all drunk. Roderick, I'd like to ask you a question. Hey, first I ask a question. Why does an Indian sleep with his head toward a fire? All right, Mr. Bones. Why does an Indian sleep with his head towards a fire? To keep his wig warm. Some joke here, boy. In a word, no. Sir Roderick, what do you think of marriage? I think marriage is a noble institution. It's the foundation of the American home, which accounts and force. It was put over on the American people while our boys were over there. You've been asking a lot of questions. Now let me ask you one. When are you jokes going to get out of here? Let me go to sleep. Mrs. Rivington, your guests are assembling in the drawing room.

[Chico Marx]

I'm afraid I can have to ask you gentlemen in the press with Jews.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, Sir Roderick, one question before you go. Do you believe in clubs for women? Only in South Defense.

[Chico Marx]

Come, Rod. Afternoon.

[Groucho Marx]

Oh, no, you don't. You go first. I've had that one pulled before. You're not going to kick me.

[Chico Marx]

Well, all right. Just into the play. Oh, look, all my guests are seated. They're waiting for the lecture to begin.

[Groucho Marx]

That's the funny. I can't wait till it's over.

[Chico Marx]

Oh, Sir Hartley, I thought before dinner you wouldn't mind telling us a few of your African experiences.

[Groucho Marx]

Why can't we skip Africa and get right down to dinner?

[Chico Marx]

Now, Sir Roderick, you wouldn't throw me down, would you?

[Groucho Marx]

Well, I couldn't do it alone. But if rebelli helped, I could make it.

[Chico Marx]

Wait a minute. I'll introduce you. Now, I would like to introduce S. Robert Mortimer, the famed African explorer, who has kindly consented to tell us about his latest trip to Africa. S. Roger.

[Harpo Marx]

My friends, I am here to tell you about that great and mysterious continent known as Africa. Africa belonged to the hunter and he can have it. Well, sir, we left New York drunken early on the morning of February 30. After 15 days on the water and six on the boat, we finally arrived in Africa. We at once proceeded into the heart of the jungle where I shot a polar bear.

[Chico Marx]

I thought polar bears lived in the coast in the north.

[Harpo Marx]

Well, they usually do. But this one was anemic and he couldn't stand the cold climate. You see, Mrs. Rivington, he was the rich bear and he could afford to go away in the winter. See here, you take care of your animals and I'll take care of mine. From the day of Our arrival. We led an active life. The first morning stole us up at six, breakfasted and back in bed at seven. This was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were back in bed by 6:30.

[Chico Marx]

Mr. Rob, you promised to tell us about the wildlife in Africa.

[Harpo Marx]

So I did. One day we were out perspective. We got wind of a herd of ghosts. Let me tell you that it's a mill wind that passes a herd of goats. And the following morning, while standing in front of the cabin, I bagged six lions.

[Chico Marx]

Bag six lions?

[Harpo Marx]

Sure, he bagged them. He bagged them to go away, but they kept hanging around all day. Now, children, and I'm referring now to Ravelli's brain. The principal animals inhabiting the African jungles are moose, elk and nice epithia. That's big game. The first day I cat two bucks. That was the biggest game we had. Of course, you all know what a moose is. Sure I know what a moose is. A moose runs around the floor. He eats peas and gets chased by the cat. Now, as I was saying, the elks are different from the moose. The elks stay up in the hills most of the year, but in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come to the water hole. And you should see them run when they find out there's only a water hole. Sure, sure. You'll bet they run. Why, those elks are looking for us in alcohol. I sure left you in the lifeboat. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know. Then we try to remove the tusk, but they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them. Of course, in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. But we're going back again Now, I like to pass around my hat, but I'm afraid I wouldn't get it back.

[Chico Marx]

A very enlightening.

[Harpo Marx]

Would you like me to run through it again? Or would you like to see my ape man, Mr. R. Swing from the chandelier? Question me. I'd like to see him swing. Is there a Peter? Open the house.

[Groucho Marx]

Mrs. Rington. Mrs. Rivington.

[Chico Marx]

Now, M. Costa, we're being entertained.

[Groucho Marx]

You all.

[Harpo Marx]

Flatterer. Mrs. Rivington, I just heard that a.

[Groucho Marx]

Lion has escaped from the circus down the road.

[Harpo Marx]

When last seen, it was heading in this direction. What, the circus? No, the lion. Is that a hole?

[Chico Marx]

A lion? Oh, how fortunate it is. He has for Roderick Mortimer, the most famous lion hunter in the world with us. You know what to do, won't you, Sir Roderick?

[Harpo Marx]

Absolutely. But I don't think there's room under my bed for all of us.

[Chico Marx]

Now, now, now, be calm, everybody. There's no danger. Even if an irony is out in the ground, he can't get in. Besides, Sir Roderick Mortimer is here.

[Harpo Marx]

You bet I'm here. If you think I'd go outside, you're crazy.

[Chico Marx]

Madam Meadows, you're lion captured.

[Harpo Marx]

Madam, we have searched the grounds thoroughly. We find no trace of it anywhere. No doubt the circus people have captured.

[Groucho Marx]

It by this time.

[Chico Marx]

Now, I hope you won't let this really fair spoil party for you. Come, come. There's no danger. Now, let's all go out in the garden. The rose of the lovely on the boys.

[Harpo Marx]

Hey, Flywheel. Flywheel, where are you? They all gone? Yeah, boss. They all went out in the garden. Come on. I'll be through this window. We'd better scan before the real Carot shows up. While that Rivington dame finds a rhinoceros for us to play with. Well, here I go. Hey, boss. Boss, where are you? Got you, fool. Here I come. Hey, fly wheel. I think I land on somebody. There's somebody under me. I wonder who it is. You take your foot out of my mouth, I'll tell you who it is. It's me. Hey, Flywheel, something's coming. It can't be us. We're going. Quick. Down behind his foot. There it is. Force. You know what I think? I think it's a hippopotamus. No, but you're close. It's Mrs. Remington's.

[Chico Marx]

What's there?

[Harpo Marx]

Where?

[Chico Marx]

Oh, rotary.

[Groucho Marx]

Where?

[Harpo Marx]

The fire.

[Chico Marx]

You over on this side of the house. All my other guests are in the rose garden.

[Harpo Marx]

Well, Madam Ravelli and I weren't satisfied that the house was safe, so we thought we'd take the shrubbery.

[Chico Marx]

Did you find anything?

[Harpo Marx]

Sure we did. We found three dozen hairpins and five empty gin bottles. But don't be discouraged, madam. We're on the job. We'll find a full gin bottle if it takes all night.

[Chico Marx]

Now, wouldn't you like to come and tell I get some more of your African experiences?

[Harpo Marx]

No. I want to talk to you here. Oh, Mrs. Rivington. You know, you're just the kind of a girl I crave. You've got beauty, charm, money. You have got money, haven't you? Because if you haven't, we can quit right now.

[Chico Marx]

I'm fascinated.

[Harpo Marx]

That's a funny. I'm fascinated too. Right on the arm. Re. I'll thank you to mind your own business. Thank you, Mrs. Rivington. Ever since I've met you, I've swept you off my feet. Oh, there's something on my mind, something burning in my brain. Something I'm as hard for. Will you wash out a pair of socks for me?

[Chico Marx]

I'm surprised.

[Harpo Marx]

Well, it may be a surprise to you, but it's been on my mind for months. Oh, it's just my way of telling you that Revelli and I love you. We want to marry you. How about it, my shrinking violet? Shrinking violet? Say, it wouldn't hurt her to shrink about 30, 40 pounds.

[Chico Marx]

Why, gentlemen, you think it's specialist?

[Harpo Marx]

Well, see that you remain that way. Now, after we three are married.

[Chico Marx]

You're wrong of it. I can't marry you. Her husband or her.

[Harpo Marx]

There you go, always thinking of yourself. And what a dreary subject that is.

[Chico Marx]

You don't understand. If I married you, that'd be big of me.

[Harpo Marx]

Yes, and it'd be bigger me too. Think of all of us. That'd be big for a change. I'm sick of all these conventional marriages. One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother. But who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody. Not even your grandfather.

[Chico Marx]

This is all terrific nonsense. Take me back to my guest.

[Harpo Marx]

Well, I'll take you back to your guest, but they're probably just as sick of you as I am. Trevella, you wait here. I'll be right back. I think I lay down. Who's there? Maybe that's a flywheel coming back. A flywheel? What's the matter, flywheel? You got a sore throat? Hey, ain't no sound like flywheel. Must be a rabbit. That's the biggest rabbit I ever saw. But that ain't a rabbit at all. It's a big yellow. That's so funny. I never saw a dogger with a F color before. Hey, doggy, what's your name? Come on now, no back talk. Say, maybe he's a loss. You lost, doggy. Say, I think I take him back to Ms. Zim for a present. He always wanted a lap dog. I better. This dog got the biggest lap she ever saw. It's Doggy. Doggy. Doggy. Come here. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. I ain't gonna hurt you. Come here. Nice to doggy. Nice. Oh, you're gonna get tough, are you now? You're going to be good. That's the fine. Sometime when I ain't hungry myself, I give you a piece of liver. Hey, I'm Tired of sitting here. Come on, Rover. I take you up to the house and I show you the flywheel. Come on. I'm telling you, that's a fine. You walk it right behind me. All right. Come on, Rover, march. Where are you? It's important. Here I am, boss. Quick, we've got to run. The real Saratarik has arrived. Mrs. Rivington is making a fuss. Me in? Receive, Pickle. Okay, boss. Okay. Lead the way. I run with you. Come on, Roba. What?

[Groucho Marx]

What?

[Harpo Marx]

What's that? Fly away. I got a bigger surprise for you. We got a new dog. Come here, fool. Dog nothing. That's the line. Run for your life. The line. Look out, Rebell. He's coming after us. Come on. Come on. What are we waiting for, Pasta boy? Faster. Are we.

[Groucho Marx]

Are we getting away from him?

[Harpo Marx]

You look. I haven't a horse. Sky wheelies are running after us. Go home, Rover. Go home. Haze is still coming. He must like you, Revelli. I don't know what he he sees in you. Maybe he sees it, Ravelli. I can feel his hot breath on my pants. Hey, Flywheel, look what's in the driveway. A kind of a cage on an automobile. It must be the lion's cage. I guess they brought it over from the trail. The door of the cage is open, Revelli. If we can get in there, we're. We're safe. Okay, boss.

[Chico Marx]

Jump.

[Harpo Marx]

Jump.

[Stiles Mackenzie]

Quick.

[Groucho Marx]

Rebelli.

[Harpo Marx]

Plan the door. Well, we just made it, boss. We're safe. What an arrow escape. They say the building escapes narrow these days. There goes the line, boss. Down the driveway and over the gate. All right. Now we get out. Gotta get out of here. Open this cage door. I can't, boss. It's locked. That's right, Wheel. Here comes a Mrs. Rivending with a couple of men. Maybe they could help us out.

[Chico Marx]

Why, I'm afraid he got away.

[Harpo Marx]

I wonder which way he went the rest. It wasn't that.

[Groucho Marx]

It was a line.

[Harpo Marx]

He went out the gate.

[Chico Marx]

Oh, look, there they are. Both of them in there.

[Harpo Marx]

Well, I'll be done. What a break. Come on, Mike, get up in the driver's seat. Let's get going. Hey, where you taking us? We don't want to go back to the Strikers Circus. Say, buddy, this is a patrol wagon. You guys are going to jail. Jail? Hey, boss, I wonder if we'll get our old room back. Say, officer, do you happen to know if there's any mail there for Waldorf? Tecumseh, Flywheel, you've been entertained tonight in the Five Star Theater by Groucho and Ticko Mox in their three act comedy, Flywheel, Tricer and Flywheel, Attorneys at law. Keep your seats, ladies gentlemen. The Grouch on Kicker will be back in just a moment. The Five Star Theater is sponsored by the Standard Oil companies of New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Louisiana and the colonial beacon oil company. Do not forget, on June 2nd the sponsors of this program will place a new product on the market which will be an important milestone in motor fuel history. This new motor fuel is a challenge to all gasoline. It is a product of the world's largest oil laboratory. Watch for announcements of this new product in the newspapers. Or better still, go to your nearest so spelled Esso station or Dealer on June 2 and find out for yourself. With tonight's program, we bring to a close for the season the Monday feature in the Five Star Theater. Throughout the winter the sponsors have been presenting for your pleasure a wide variety of the best radio entertainment it is possible to assemble. The world's leading comedians, great opera and concert singers, stories from the pens of America's leading short story and mystery writers, symphony and popular music all have appeared in the Five Star Theater. If you have enjoyed these programs and would like to have the Five Star Theater back on the air in the falls, we would appreciate hearing from you.

[Chico Marx]

J.

[Harpo Marx]

Well, I see not to kicko around on the platform again. Ladies and gentlemen, the broadcast season is over and I want to say we was a having a some fun here every week. Just a minute, chico. Don't say having some fun, say having pronounce a gift. All right, all right. Gee, we was having some fun. And now radio audience, I want you all to come to my house for dinner tonight. Do you know what you're doing? You're inviting millions of people and your house is only big enough to hold 10 or 15. Well, maybe some of them can come. Hey, Groucho, how about you coming over to dinner tonight? Dinner tonight? You couldn't make that tomorrow night, could you? Why tomorrow night? Well, because your wife has already invited me over to your house for dinner tonight. Yeah, she likes parties and things, but I'm a different. I'd go away for over one months for a land on a ranch if I had the money. Well, if the ranch were far enough away, I'd give you the money. That's the fine. I can go on a ranch and ride a horse with a little esso. Ride a horse with a little esso? You're crazy. You ride in a car with Esso, which is more powerful than any gasoline. I didn't say esso. I said lasso. The rope you make in the loop. You mean lasso loop. Well, we came out even on that one. Good night, ladies. Good night, ladies.

[Groucho Marx]

Good night, ladies. Sa.