Fountain Of Fun 42-11-29 (x) First Joke - An Upset Squad

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Fountain Of Fun 42-11-29" – Harold’s Old Time Radio

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Fountain Of Fun 42-11-29 (x) First Joke - An Upset Squad
Date: September 26, 2025
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Theme:
A delightfully silly trip back to 1942, this episode of “Fountain of Fun” captures the spirit of the Golden Age of Radio, blending zany comedy sketches, musical interludes, and wartime camaraderie into a variety hour set in the fictional Crossroads Soda Parlor. Regulars like Bob Jellison, Admiral Jellison, Veronica Lagoon, and the show’s house band offer laughs, songs, and a healthy dose of patriotic spirit.

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Overview of the Show's Main Theme

This episode embodies lighthearted comedic relief in wartime America. It features a running “soda parlor” sketch, music performances, and bits full of slapstick humor and corny puns, all while weaving in references to supporting the war effort—buying war bonds, joining the service, and helping the USO. Listeners are invited to sit around the “radio” and enjoy a wholesome, family-oriented evening mixing fun, music, and gentle satire about daily life and service at the time.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. Soda Parlor Comedy & Opening Jokes (01:15–02:00)

• Bob Jellison asks Admiral Jellison for “an upset squad,” launching the episode’s first joke cycle about “sports upsets” and confusion over terms:
  • “What would you suggest for an upset?” – Bob Jellison (01:20)
  • Admiral Jellison reacts with confusion: “Squat and upset squat. I never heard of an upset squad.” (01:22)
• Announcer and Bob play with mistaken identities, culminating in a Boston College football joke: “I'm the coach at Boston College.” (01:27)
  • Chatter quickly digresses into slapstick about a rabbit left at the soda parlor and needing it retrieved, setting the tone for quick, vaudevillian pacing.

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2. Music Interlude – Milky Way Candy Plug & Serenade (03:42–04:00)

• After a musical performance by Phil Davis’s Orchestra, ad copy about Milky Way candy bars is delivered in characteristically lush and playful radio style.
• The host and characters riff on the ad, blending it seamlessly into the show’s patter.

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3. Thanksgiving Tales & Wacky Family Antics (03:46–04:42)

• Admiral Jellison shares an outlandish Thanksgiving story:
  • Losing at cards to Veronica, the wild antics of “Uncle Beecham” (including attempts to fly out a window), and “a Christ landing.”
  • When asked why he didn’t stop the uncle: “Stop him? I was betting he could do it.” – Admiral Jellison (04:39)
• Segue into wartime financial responsibility: Phil Davis wins $100 on a horse and invests it in war bonds:
  • “Lucky Strike Green has gone to war.” – Admiral Jellison (04:53)

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4. “Tickety Boo” – Musical Number & Pep Talk (05:06–06:49)

• Bill Davis and Admiral Jellison lead a rousing, morale-boosting tune called “Tickety Boo.”
  • The phrase is repeated as a punchline and expression of things going well.
  • “Do what you do for me and for you. We can stick it, we can lick it, that's the ticket. Tickety boo.” – Bill & Admiral (06:32)
• Context of the song: Ushering in positivity and resilience during wartime.

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5. Doc Fiddle Faddle’s Antics & Christmas Rhymes (07:04–08:47)

• Doc Fiddle Faddle drops in with his usual brand of nonsense. Notable misheard phrase: “Going to drill with incendiary blondes.” (07:17)
  Admiral corrects: “No, that's incendiary bombs.”
• Doc tries his hand at homemade Christmas cards, attempting a rhyme about jelly cake and Hitler.
  • “May you have mince pie and jelly cake and give Herr Hitler the- I wonder what rhymes with jelly cake.” – Doc (08:26)
• Quip about “articulation to my aesthetic sensibilities.”

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6. Showbiz Memories: Theater & Quick-Change Mishap (08:59–09:44)

• Doc reflects on his showbiz past, culminating in a memorable blunder during a stage blackout:
  • “She said, ‘Give me the tights.’ And I thought she said, ‘lights.’” – Doc (09:35)

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7. Veronica Lagoon, Christmas Shopping & USO Kisses (11:51–13:35)

• Veronica reports buying Uncle Beecham a box of pecans based on his Santa wish for “nuts” if “bottled goods” can’t be had (12:16).
• The comedy turns to Veronica “selling kisses” for the USO at $1 each:
  • "[Between 9 and 10] I collected $60...that averages a kiss a minute." (13:10–13:15)
  • “Between 10 o’clock and half past and a whole half hour, I sold only one kiss... Gosh, when those marines get hold of something, they really hang on to it, didn't I?” – Veronica (13:24)

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8. Nautical Farce: “Admiral Jellison and the Island of Pandemonium” (18:36–24:51)

• Comedy sketch fantasy: Bob dreams he's Admiral Jellison, leading a comic expedition to “the island of Pandemonium.”
• Standout exchanges:
  • “We're making 20 nuts, your majesty. Trouble is, one's in the propeller.” – Admiral (18:45)
  • On a coded message about military weakness:
    “Who's that from? The commander of the Royal Navy?”
    “Nope. The manager of the Cincinnati Reds.” (22:33–22:35)
  • Propaganda minister pipes up repeatedly: “All is well, have no fear...Has anybody got an eraser.” (20:11, 20:29)
  • Stowaway scene: Bob says, “I’m trying to get away from her [my wife].” (23:08–23:13)
  • Ship “sinking”—it’s raining down the smokestack; lifeboat joke about saving "just the women – young ones." (24:36–24:42)
  • Dream ends with the reality check: “You fell asleep, Bob.” (24:46)

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9. Service Branch Dreams – Closing Comedy (24:52–27:11)

• The cast imagines their preferred Navy jobs:
  • Bill Davis wants to be in the air patrol:
    “I'd quickly span each sea and lake...I'd make a perfect Navy blimp.” (25:32–25:46)
  • Doc wants to join the Marines for a South Sea adventure with “Doc Lamour.” (26:01)
  • Circular, rapid-fire puns and childish competitive humor as they debate roles.
• Lighthearted musical closing.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Thanksgiving Escapades:
  “Uncle Beecham of hers certainly is wacky. After that big dinner he'd had, he insisted on having herring. Pickle fell flat on his face...he went up to a second floor window and said he was going to jump out, fly around the house and fly back in again. Boy, what a Christ landing he made.”
  — Admiral Jellison (04:06–04:36)

• On Misheard Phrases:
  “Gonna drill with incendiary blondes.”
  — Doc Fiddle Faddle (07:17)
  “No, no, Doc, that's not incendiary blondes. That's incendiary bombs.”
  — Admiral Jellison (07:24)

• USO Kissing Booth:
  “Every time I'm kissed, I collect a dollar for the USO… Between 9 and 10 o'clock I collected $60…. averages a kiss a minute.”
  — Veronica Lagoon (13:10–13:15)

• Admiral Nonsense:
  “Trouble is, one's in the propeller... Darn good reason for losing too.”
  — Admiral Jellison (18:45, 19:47)

• Dream Finale:
  “You fell asleep, Bob.”
  — Narrator (24:46)

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Important Musical Acts & Transitions

• Phil Davis Orchestra – “Serenade for Liza” (03:42)
• The Trasher Sisters – Upbeat “Tickety Boo” (05:06–06:49)
• Sweet Georgia Brown – Crooned by Bill Brito (11:47)
• Sailors Hornpipe – Nautical instrumental (13:57; 17:52)

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Timestamps – Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------|---------------| | Soda Parlor Jokes Begin | 01:15 | | Thanksgiving Story, Humor | 04:00 | | “Tickety Boo” Song | 05:06 | | Doc Fiddle Faddle Segment | 07:04 | | Christmas Card Comedy | 08:02 | | Theater Mishap Riff | 09:01 | | Veronica Lagoon’s Kiss Booth | 11:51 | | Sailor Fantasy Sketch | 18:36 | | Blimp/Marines Joke-Off | 25:13 |

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Conclusion & Overall Tone

“Fountain of Fun” brims with corny humor, fast-paced wordplay, and warmhearted musical numbers—all wrapped in a thick layer of absurdist sketches and authentic 1940s camaraderie. The show moves briskly, rarely pausing for breath between puns, gags, and cheerful songs. Its blend of light, escapist comedy and USO spirit makes for a classic Old Time Radio treat.

Listeners looking for a peek into the Golden Age’s humor—and a dose of nostalgic patriotism—will find this episode “tickety boo.”

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Transcript

[Narrator]

And Doug, here we have the Limu emu in its natural habitat helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual.

[Bob Jellison]

Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Singer]

Limu.

[Admiral Jellison]

Is that guy with the binoculars watching us?

[Announcer]

Cut the camera. They see us.

[Narrator]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Bob Jellison]

Liberty.

[Admiral Jellison]

Liberty. Liberty Savings vary unwritten by Liberty Mutual.

[Narrator]

Insurance company and affiliates excludes Massachusetts Mars.

[Announcer]

Incorporated, makers of Milky Way candy bars invite you to step right up to the fountain of fun. This is John Cornell welcoming you to the fountain of Fun, the Crossroads soda parlor where we hear from Phil Brito, the Thrasher Sisters, Phil Davis and his orchestra, Veronica Lagoon, Doc fiddle Faddle and Paul Jones. And here's the drip of the fountain, the little man who once hid himself playing hide and seek and hasn't found himself since. Bob Jellison.

[Bill Davis]

Hello.

[Admiral Jellison]

Hello. I'll be with you just as soon as I wait on this customer. Now, now, what was it you wanted?

[Bob Jellison]

What would you suggest for an upset?

[Admiral Jellison]

Squat and upset squat. I never heard of an upset squad.

[Announcer]

Well, I did.

[Bob Jellison]

I'm the coach at Boston College.

[Admiral Jellison]

Yes, 55 to 12. Bound to find Bob Jellison speaking. Oh, it's you, George. Well, I'm glad you called. I want to talk to you. Do you remember that rabbit you left here last night? Well, the boss says you'll have to come right over and get.

[Announcer]

Bars Incorporated, makers of Milky Way candy bars present Fountain of Fun. Once again we invite you to combine the tops in fun, laughter and music with the pleasure of eating on Milky Way, America's most enjoyable candy bar. At work or play. A tasty bar of Milky Way is a delightful treat. And did you know that a luscious Milky Way is as excellent an energy pick me up as it is a delicious candy. Yes, its nutritional value matches its rare delightful taste. That's why grown ups as well as children prefer this wholesome, nourishing candy. Besides being a combination taste treat and energy giver, Milky Way contains only the highest quality ingredients. As you take that first luxurious bite, the pure milk chocolate coating, the layer of smooth creamy caramel and the luscious center of chocolate nougat flavored with real malted milk melt into that thrilling taste blend found only in a Milky Way. When you crave good candy, eat a Milky Way.

[Narrator]

That was Phil Davis the orchestra playing that grand old serenade for Liza.

[Bill Davis]

Yes, sir.

[Admiral Jellison]

Yes, sir. Mighty fine too. Well, how you feeling today, Jonesy?

[Narrator]

Well, not so good, Bob. I think I'm overworked.

[Admiral Jellison]

You're overworked. Think of the poor guy who blows retreat from Mussolini's army.

[Narrator]

Say, by the way, what kind of a Thanksgiving did you have, Bob?

[Admiral Jellison]

Oh, just fair, Jonesy. I went over to Veronica's, you know, after dinner. They got me into a card game. She won most of my money.

[Narrator]

Poker?

[Admiral Jellison]

No, but I gave her a couple of good cakes under the table. Later in the evening we had a party. And oh, what an affair that was. That Uncle Beecham of hers certainly is wacky. After that big dinner he'd had, he insisted on having herring. Pickle fell flat on his face. I only had a few glasses of cider myself. After a while, Uncle Beecham went up to a second floor window and said he was going to jump out, fly around the house and fly back in again. Boy, what a Christ landing he made.

[Narrator]

Oh, why didn't you stop him?

[Admiral Jellison]

Stop him? I was betting he could do it.

[Narrator]

Well, some folks have a little more luck than you do, Bob. Did you hear that Phil Davis had a lucky strike on a horse and collected 100 greenbacks?

[Admiral Jellison]

No kidding. What did he do with the money?

[Narrator]

He invested it in war bonds.

[Admiral Jellison]

Well, what do you know? Lucky Strike Green has gone to war.

[Bill Davis]

Tickety boo. Tickety boo. Come on and do the very best you can do.

[Admiral Jellison]

All the way through.

[Bill Davis]

The best you can do. And if it stops it will be tickety boo. Tickety boo, tickety boo. You don't make stops if you are set to come through.

[Admiral Jellison]

If you come through in all that you do.

[Bill Davis]

And you'll be tops and you'll be tickety boo. For the day. Our locks in clover. We're diggin in to win the whole world over.

[Admiral Jellison]

The watchwords.

[Bill Davis]

Tickety boo, tickety boo. And that means you get on the beam and come through.

[Admiral Jellison]

Do what you do for me and for you.

[Bill Davis]

We can stick it, we can lick it. That's the ticket. Tickety boo. Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick. Tickety boo, tickety boo. Be be be. Let's get he up. Let's get stepped up. Let's come through, let's come through. It's really the right thing to do. The victory ticket. The tickety ticket. The tickety t right for the day. Our luck's in clover. We're diggin into win the whole world over. The watch works. Tickety boo, tickety boo. And that means you get all the demons come through.

[Admiral Jellison]

Do what you do for me and for you.

[Bill Davis]

We can stick it, we can lick it. That's the ticket. Tick tick, tickety boo.

[Narrator]

That was the trasher Sisters version.

[Bob Jellison]

Hey, that was mighty nice, kids. In fact, I'd say it was tickety boo. By golly, it was tickety boo, wasn't it?

[Admiral Jellison]

Well, it's the boss himself. Old Doc Fiddlefellow.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, I. I can't Shelly shally long. Got a lot of things to do. Got to go to the hotel to see how the new cuspidor is taking it. Got to go to the racing board to see if I can get a retread for my pogo stick. And, oh, yes, gotta go to the firehouse. Big day there. I understand. Gonna drill with incendiary blondes.

[Admiral Jellison]

No, no, Doc, that's not incendiary blondes. That's incendiary bombs.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, in that case, I guess I'll just go over at the hotel and watch a checker game. Hey, you know, I had some trouble over there again last night.

[Narrator]

You did, Doc?

[Bob Jellison]

Yep. Got in a fight with the house detective. You know that great big fella, Truck Harris?

[Narrator]

Yeah, he is a big fella.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, I tell you, P.J. i'd have tore him limb from limb if they hadn't stopped me.

[Narrator]

Yeah, well, who stopped you?

[Bob Jellison]

Truck Harris.

[Narrator]

Well, how did you get into trouble this time?

[Bob Jellison]

I wasn't doing a thing. PJ got awful cold in my room and I didn't have no fuel for the grate. So I was busting up one of the chairs for Kendallwood when he come by.

[Narrator]

Well, naturally, Doc, breaking up furniture.

[Bob Jellison]

But doggone it, I wasn't making hardly any noise. Hey, by the way, you boys want to buy any Christmas cards? Got some peachy ones left. Got some special ones too that I made up myself. Hey, I got a new one. It goes like this. To the boys overseas on land or lake. Merry Christmas in spite of all your forsake May you have mince pie and jelly cake and give Herr Hitler the. I wonder what rhymes with jelly cake.

[Admiral Jellison]

Well, I. I think we can all finish it, Doc. And it's a very sweet thought, but let's not hear any more of those rhymes around here.

[Bob Jellison]

But, gosh, Bucky, just trying to give articulation to my aesthetic sensibilities.

[Admiral Jellison]

Your what?

[Bob Jellison]

Just trying to. Oh, gosh, I don't think Marple Plate can take that again. Besides, I gotta protect my voice. I'm gonna be the star actor in the play that our clubs are putting on.

[Narrator]

Say, that's right. You did used to be an actor, didn't you?

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, yes, indeed. I toured all over the country.

[Admiral Jellison]

Yeah, those medicine shows did cover a lot of territory.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, no, I Wasn't only in medicine shows, Bucky. I done other theatrical work too. Why, at one time I was a head electrician at a theater. But that's what finished my career.

[Admiral Jellison]

Well, how'd that happen, Doc?

[Bob Jellison]

Well, one time we had a musical comedy play in there and the leading lady had a quick change right on the stage while it was blacked out completely dark this night when we come to that part, she said, give me the tights. And I thought she said lights.

[Singer]

Lord Gal may has got a shade on sweet Georgia Brown. Two left feet but oh so neat has sweet Georgia brown. They all sigh. We wanna die for a sweet Georgia Brown. I'll tell you just why. You know I don't lie. Not much why. It's been said that she knocks him dead when she lands in town since she came. A shame how she cools em down fellas. She can't get our fellas. She ain't met Georgia named her Georgia claimed her Sweet Georgia Georgia. A song of you comes as sweet and clear. There's moonlight through the pine. No Galmai has got a shade on sweet Georgia Brown. Two left fields on neath has sweet Georgia Brown. They all sigh and wanna die for sweet Georgia Brown. I'll tell you just why. You know I don't lie not much quiet sweet. It's been said that she knocks him dead when she lands in town since she came wide. It's a shame how she pulls em down fellas. She can't get our fellers that she ain't mad Georgia claims her Georgie names her Sweet Georgia Brown. I've been out with Mary and Susie too. But my favorite gal is Sweet Georgia Brow.

[Narrator]

Now it's Bill Brito on a little tuneful date with Sweet Georgia Brown.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Hello.

[Admiral Jellison]

Well, Veronica Lagoon.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Hello.

[Admiral Jellison]

Say Veronica, have you been doing any Christmas shopping yet?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Uh huh. I was downtown yesterday. Bobby and I bought Uncle Beecham a lovely box of pecans.

[Admiral Jellison]

You bought Uncle Beecham a box of pecans?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Uh huh. I know that's what he wants because I saw the letter he wrote to Santa Claus.

[Narrator]

Uncle Beecham wrote Santa Claus he wanted pecans for Christmas.

[Admiral Jellison]

Uh huh.

[Veronica Lagoon]

He wrote, if you can't bring me any bottled goods for Christmas. Nuts.

[Admiral Jellison]

Yep, he will be when he gets those pecans, all right. Say, by the way, Veronica, I understand you're selling kisses down at the USO booth every night now.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Oh, yes, that's right, Bobby. Every time I'm kissed, I collect a dollar for the USO Being patriotic.

[Narrator]

Well, I was down at the USO booth to buy A kiss from Veronica last night, Bob.

[Admiral Jellison]

You johnsy? Where'd you get a dollar?

[Narrator]

I borrowed it.

[Admiral Jellison]

From who?

[Narrator]

Veronica.

[Admiral Jellison]

Business must have been slow last night.

[Veronica Lagoon]

No, I was busy. Did you notice that tall, handsome fellow who bought a kiss from me? He's an actor.

[Narrator]

An actor? What kind of work does he do?

[Bill Davis]

Oh, fine.

[Admiral Jellison]

Is that all the kisses you sold, Veronica?

[Singer]

Just two.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Oh, no, Bobby. Between 9 and 10 o' clock I collected $60.

[Admiral Jellison]

Hey, that's all right. That averages a kiss a minute.

[Veronica Lagoon]

Yeah, but I didn't do so good. Between 10 o' clock and half past and a whole half hour, I sold only one kiss.

[Bob Jellison]

Oh, really?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Gosh, when those marines get hold of something, they really hang on to it, didn't I?

[Narrator]

And now there's a call for everybody on deck, me hearties, as Phil Davis and the boys launch Earl Paul's swell new nautical arrangement of sailors hornpipe.

[Podcast Host]

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[Bob Jellison]

I've always loved collecting designer pieces.

[Admiral Jellison]

Gucci bags, Prada heels.

[Bob Jellison]

But my style keeps evolving. Selling with the RealReal.

[Admiral Jellison]

Game changer.

[Bob Jellison]

I earn more. And they do everything.

[Podcast Host]

Seriously. Just drop off your items or schedule a pickup. We handle the photos, descriptions, pricing, even shipping. You just sit back and watch your items sell fast to our 38 million members.

[Bob Jellison]

And I get peace of mind knowing.

[Admiral Jellison]

I earn more selling with the RealReal than anywhere else.

[Podcast Host]

Exactly this. That's the sound of your closet working for you. The RealReal. Earn more, save time, sell fast. And right now you can get an extra $100 site credit when you sell for the first time. Go to therealreal.com to get your extra hundred dollars. Therealreal.com that's therealreal.com.

[Bill Davis]

Yes, sir.

[Admiral Jellison]

And there's the good old sailor's hornpipe. Safely back and forth. Ah, gosh, you know, Jonesy, I wish I was a sailor. A uniform. That's what I need to make a hit with the girls. I tried to get a job as a doorman but I couldn't reach the handle. Yes, if I had a uniform yes, if I had a uniform Like a sailor or an admiral. Yeah. Or an admiral, yeah. Or an admiral, yeah. Or an admiral, yeah. Or an admiral, yeah. Wouldn't the girls go for me if I was an admiral? Gosh, I bet I'd make a swell admiral too. Admiral.

[Announcer]

Admiral. Admiral Jellison.

[Admiral Jellison]

Yes, your majesty?

[Announcer]

Are we making good speed toward the island of our enemy, Admiral, it doesn't seem like we're going 35.

[Admiral Jellison]

We're making 20 nuts, your majesty. Trouble is, one's in the propeller. May I ask, good king, why we sail for the enemy island?

[Bob Jellison]

To conquer it.

[Announcer]

This morning I received a nasty note from a high official of the island of Pandemonium.

[Admiral Jellison]

You mean the Earl of Turpentine?

[Announcer]

Yes, he's the big noise of Pandemonium.

[Admiral Jellison]

I thought we had a treaty with all the neighboring countries.

[Announcer]

Yeah, we did, but Pandemonium broke loose. Zounds, how my blood boils when I think of that note.

[Singer]

See?

[Admiral Jellison]

Well, quit thinking about it, you're splashing. Now, what did the Earl have to say on the note?

[Bob Jellison]

Your majesty, all along with threatening invasion.

[Announcer]

He called me a few familiar but unpopular names.

[Admiral Jellison]

You mean like.

[Bob Jellison]

Exactly.

[Announcer]

Admiral Jellison, if you are successful in the dangerous mission you are about to undertake, you may have my daughter in marriage. That will give you a reason for fighting.

[Admiral Jellison]

Darn good reason for losing too.

[Singer]

All is well, have no fear. All is well, have no fear.

[Admiral Jellison]

Princess Patootie, would you be interested in making an old salt your sugar? Do you think you could be happy with a sea dog?

[Veronica Lagoon]

Sure, but I'd be happier with a C card.

[Admiral Jellison]

I Wonder if a 3A rating is worth it.

[Singer]

All is well, have no fear. All is well.

[Admiral Jellison]

Say, who is that guy anyway?

[Announcer]

He's the propaganda minister.

[Singer]

All is well, have no fear. Has anybody got an eraser.

[Bob Jellison]

Cat?

[Admiral Jellison]

Zooks.

[Announcer]

Admiral Jennison, did you hear that shot.

[Admiral Jellison]

The Pandemoniumanians are making with the cannon sounds? As if. Navigator, navigate. Where's that Navigator? I've been calling him for a half hour. Well, what took you so long to get here?

[Narrator]

Navigator, Coming down from the bridge, I got lost.

[Admiral Jellison]

Fine, Navigator, come on now, I've got to look over this important document here.

[Narrator]

Pardon me, Admiral, can I see that too?

[Admiral Jellison]

Why don't you borrow your own Esquire? By the way, have you checked your compass lately?

[Narrator]

Admiral, the compass won't work.

[Bob Jellison]

It won't?

[Admiral Jellison]

What's the matter with it?

[Narrator]

I don't know, but the needle, it always points north.

[Admiral Jellison]

Hey, hey, where in heck did you learn navigation? In the Tunnel of Love? You better not answer that. What else do you have to report?

[Narrator]

Well, nothing much, sir, except I found the waves to be very rough.

[Admiral Jellison]

Well, try dating a whack for a change.

[Bob Jellison]

Come in.

[Admiral Jellison]

Oh, oh, it's the wireless operator. Have you received any messages, Sparks?

[Bob Jellison]

Yeah, just got one, Bucky. I mean Admiral.

[Admiral Jellison]

What does the message say? Happy birthday, to you, Sparks. Sparks, what I want to know is, are there any war communiques?

[Bob Jellison]

Sure thing, A.J. here's one that sounds mighty important.

[Admiral Jellison]

Oh, let me see. Need help for new campaign. Inner defense lacking striking power. Outer positions weak. Require powerful replacements immediately. Who's that from? The commander of the Royal Navy?

[Bob Jellison]

Nope. The manager of the Cincinnati Reds.

[Narrator]

Now, Admiral Jellison, look what I just found below deck. A stowaway.

[Bob Jellison]

Who, me?

[Admiral Jellison]

Is that a stowaway or the cargo? Well, what have you got to say for yourself, fellas?

[Bob Jellison]

Well, Admiral, I've got to get the Pandemonium.

[Admiral Jellison]

Why, it's my wife. Oh, you're trying to get your wife?

[Bob Jellison]

No, I'm trying to get away from her.

[Admiral Jellison]

Oh, the ship sinking. Are you sure? We just had those leaks patched with Kleenex.

[Narrator]

But the water's coming in through the smokestack, that's what. Coming in through the smokestack?

[Admiral Jellison]

How could that be?

[Narrator]

It's raining.

[Admiral Jellison]

Oh. Well, tell the men to man the pumps.

[Narrator]

Well, they won't do any good, Admiral. We've been working the pumps for the last hour, but as soon as they deliver four gallons, they stop.

[Admiral Jellison]

Excuse me, Admiral, but.

[Announcer]

Messes, sir.

[Bob Jellison]

Now.

[Admiral Jellison]

Now, look here, Radcliffe. How can you refer to that supper as mess?

[Announcer]

How can you refer to that mess as supper?

[Admiral Jellison]

Radcliffe and his inferiority complex.

[Narrator]

Admiral Jellison. Admiral Jellison. Inside of Pandemonium Island.

[Admiral Jellison]

Good. What are the prospects of landing our men and conquering the island, Admiral?

[Narrator]

We'll catch them with their pan.

[Admiral Jellison]

Yes, with their Pandemonium defenses asleep.

[Narrator]

Shall I give the order to land, sir?

[Admiral Jellison]

At once. Order the men that take the island. Avast the engines. Belay up the lovers. And we, uh.

[Narrator]

Oh, what's the matter, Admiral?

[Bob Jellison]

Quick.

[Admiral Jellison]

Order the fleet. And so do as I.

[Narrator]

But, Admiral.

[Admiral Jellison]

So do as I say. Not a moment to lose. We must return home at once, do you hear? At once. Why, I forgot to notify my draft board of my change of address. Hey, Bob. Bob. Hey, Bob.

[Narrator]

Wakesh up.

[Admiral Jellison]

Man the lifeboats. Women and children first? No, maybe just the women. Young ones.

[Narrator]

Oh, Bob, wake up.

[Admiral Jellison]

Come on. What? What's been going on?

[Narrator]

You fell asleep, Bob.

[Admiral Jellison]

Yeah, yeah, I remember now. Oh, gosh, Jonesy, you should have seen me in my uniform.

[Narrator]

What uniform?

[Admiral Jellison]

I dreamed I was an admiral. Gee, if only I was an admiral. Say. Say, gang, listen, if each one of you could join the Navy, what branch of the service would you prefer, Doc?

[Bob Jellison]

Marine?

[Admiral Jellison]

Veronica Lee Jonesy, Commandos? Rito Sea Scouts. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me see if we can see a way to see if we mercy.

[Bill Davis]

Me in the Navy. Just agree we're all at sea.

[Admiral Jellison]

I've got it. Each will tell the rest the Navy job they like the best. Bill Davis, first we'll hear your voice. Now make it short but sweet. What service branch would be your choice if you were in the fleet To.

[Bill Davis]

Bill, we're in the fleet.

[Bob Jellison]

Well, I'd like to join the air patrol of Uncle Sammy's fleet and fly aloft from pole to pole with heaven at my feet. I'd quickly span each sea and lake while water sailors limp. Ah, yes, I'm sure that I would.

[Announcer]

Make a perfect Navy blimp.

[Bill Davis]

But he couldn't see down.

[Admiral Jellison]

Now, Doc, what would your method be of joining up to go to sea? What department would you choose? No coaching now, let's have no clues why, son.

[Bob Jellison]

I'd join them there Marines and take a south Sea tour. And just like in LE Moore scenes, I'd meet with Doc Lamour. We'd steal away just her and I. Let's say be the tropic sky.

[Bill Davis]

You join the Navy but not for long Navy. It fall for the luong. It falls for the luong.

[Narrator]

Jay, you take the chair. A member of a navy ship that's out let's say the Nip. The Nip?

[Admiral Jellison]

Why? Ought to tell the truth, Bob. I am a made to order gob. I find nuts at knots I never slap. But there's one thing that holds me faster true a blimp shrimp like Dodger too. Unlike Troys who keep us free in places like the boys of the Roo. A blimp a sink a sorry karoo A blimp a suck. But nod your tail unlike the borough sea. So two of these things in navy navy blue.

[Singer]

And red thunder and follow.

[Announcer]

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