Judy Canova - 43-11-09 - Judy In Hollywood To Get A Turkey

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Judy Canova - Judy in Hollywood to Get a Turkey"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Episode Date: November 26, 2025
Original Air Date: November 9, 1943
Main Cast: Judy Canova, Ken Niles, Geranium, Sylvester, Eddie Dean

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Overview

This episode of the "Judy Canova" show, performed during the Golden Age of Radio, is a lively comedy centered around Judy's adventures in Hollywood as she attempts to procure a turkey (and ends up duck hunting) for Thanksgiving. Staple hallmarks of the era’s radio humor—country twang, slapstick, puns, and musical interludes—abound as Judy and her eccentric friends navigate a series of comedic hunting mishaps, outlandish stories, and folksy performances. The episode also intersperses musical numbers and a wartime public service announcement.

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Key Segments and Discussion Points

1. Judy’s Turkey Trouble and Hollywood Hijinks

[01:40 – 03:03]

• Judy arrives in Hollywood determined to get a turkey for Thanksgiving.
• Hilarity ensues on the bus: it's so crowded that "everybody had to breathe sidesaddle."
• Judy encounters a cheeky turkey in the market who surprises her by talking:
  • Quote: "I was feeling him all over, you know, to see if he's tender. And he turned his head, looked up at me. He says, 'Under the left wing, madam.'” (02:40)
• The butcher, in response to her complaints about the high turkey prices, sarcastically gives her an egg, suggesting she take it home and "sit on it" to grow her own turkey.
• Judy discovers the "turkey" is actually a duck.

2. Musical Interlude: “Fireball Mail”

[03:11 – 05:25]

• Judy and Geranium perform the upbeat country tune “Fireball Mail,” full of train imagery and energetic call-and-response.

3. Preparations for Duck Hunting

[05:25 – 07:46]

• Judy and Ken Niles discuss their plans for a duck-hunting trip; Judy laments the loss of her dachshund and jokes about his demise ("He met his end going around a tree." – 05:45).
• Geranium regales the group with tall tales about her boyfriend's hunting prowess—claiming he shot an elephant weighing 5,000 pounds and telling an impossible story about a bear biting its own nails.

4. Slapstick Shooting Practice

[07:46 – 10:25]

• The gang tries their hands at target practice, with sight gags galore:
  • Judy jokes about shooting an apple off Geranium’s head, referencing William Tell.
  • Geranium, predictably, is less than enthused:
    • Quote: “You gonna shoot what off of who’s with?” (08:22)
    • "That big round thing is my head. That little thing on top of it's the apple." (08:49)
  • Judy’s shooting attempts go humorously awry, culminating in a panicked Geranium fleeing:
    • Quote: "I got to stay ahead of this bullet." (10:22)

5. More Musical Fun: “I'll Wait for You, Mary”

[12:22 – 14:31]

• Eddie Dean joins the gang and, after another staged apple-on-the-head gag, sings the sweet ballad “I’ll Wait for You, Mary” accompanied by harmonizing from the cast.

6. Duck Hunt Escapades

[14:31 – 18:53]

• At dawn, the group sets out for duck hunting, setting up in a blind.
• Sylvester uses dubious logic to "stuff" the gun:
  • Quote: “I filled them with salt, sage and celery... I figured if you shot one, he'd come down already stuffed.” (17:31)
• More slapstick: Sylvester cycles through ever-less-effective weapons (a .38, then a BB gun, then contemplates shooting the ducks "a dirty look" – 16:01).
• Geranium’s bear story takes yet another absurd twist:
  • Quote: “Well, I found out they weren't gonna hurt me... They just wanted to sit around and chew the fat a while.” (16:33)
• When they finally bag a duck, Judy guilt-trips everyone until nobody wants to eat it. The punchline—Judy reveals she ate the duck herself:
  • Quote: "Anybody got a toothpick?" (18:55)

7. Wartime Public Service Announcement

[22:45 – 24:11]

• Judy delivers an earnest message about the importance of salvaging kitchen fats for the war effort (for ammunition and medicine), urging listeners to use tin cans rather than glass jars to avoid wastage:
  • Quote: “So from now on, strain that old kitchen fat into tin cans... It’s needed now.” (23:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Judy’s Turkey Snark: "If you want a cheap turkey, take this home and sit on it." – Butcher (03:03)
• Bus Gag: “You mean I’m too heavy?” “No, I’m sitting on an old lady now.” – Bus passenger (02:08)
• Judy’s Shooting Practice: "I'll try one more. Watch this. What do you think of that, Mr. Niles?" "That’s the first time I ever heard a preview of a gun going off." – (09:45)
• Geranium’s Reluctance: "Glass? That’s all I want to know. SOS, SOS..." (09:05)
• Duck Hunt Logic: “I filled them with salt, sage and celery... He'd come down already stuffed.” – Sylvester (17:31)
• Gag Conclusion: "Anybody got a toothpick?" – Judy (18:55)

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Time-stamped Highlights

| Timestamp | Segment | Key Points / Quotes | |-------------|------------------------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 01:40–03:03 | Judy’s Hollywood Adventure | Comedy journey, turkey search, wisecracking butcher | | 03:11–05:25 | “Fireball Mail” Song | Singing with Geranium | | 05:25–07:46 | Hunting Plans and Tall Tales | Dachshund joke, bear story | | 07:46–10:25 | Shooting Practice | William Tell gag, Geranium’s panic | | 12:22–14:31 | “I'll Wait for You, Mary” Music Segment | Eddie Dean guest vocal | | 14:31–18:53 | Duck Hunt Hijinks | Stuffed ammo, failed shots, eating the duck | | 22:45–24:11 | Fat Salvage Drive PSA | Wartime homefront message |

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Tone and Style

The episode sparkles with broad rural humor, rapid-fire puns, and exaggerated storytelling. Judy’s comedic timing and twang carry the narrative, with the supporting cast amplifying the absurdity through quick banter and embellished tales. Warmth and camaraderie permeate the musical numbers and climactic scenes, giving the show its uniquely comforting vintage feel.

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For the Listener

This episode is a classic example of lighthearted 1940s radio comedy—perfect for those interested in slapstick humor, golden-era Americana, and jolly holiday mishaps. Whether you're a fan of vintage variety shows or simply curious about Judy Canova's unique style, the over-the-top hunting trip, gentle ribbing among characters, and catchy musical breaks deliver a fun glimpse into radio's heyday.

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Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Narrator]

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[Ken Niles]

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[Narrator]

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[Ken Niles]

For a breath that sweeps and a smile that dazzles, it's Colgate tooth powder. And for a riot of fun, it's America's wacky, wistful, wonderful scatter brain, Judy Canova.

[Judy Canova]

Howdy folks. Howdy and welcome to Rancho Canova. Well, sir, I sure had me a time today. I come into Hollywood to get me a turkey. I had to come in on the bus and it was a half hour late. You know, they ought to call them things buckles instead of buses. They're always behind that, that bus, it was shortcrowed. They had a sailor on there and he had one of them little candid cameras, you know, and he's a snapping pictures all over the place. Well sir, we went around the curve and an awful terrible thing happened. I swallowed the camera. Yeah, and now I have to stay at home tonight in a dark room and see what develops. It really was crowded though. As a matter in fact it was so crowded everybody had to breathe sidesaddle. You know, I got so tired of standing up, I finally says to a feller sitting there, I says, listen here, would you mind if I sat on your knee? He says, I wouldn't do that if I was you. I said, you mean I'm too heavy? He says, no, I'm sitting on old lady now. Well sir, I finally got into Hollywood and I headed straight for one of them markets for Maturkey. I looked around there and finally I seen a nice turkey and I Was feeling him all over, you know, to see if he's tender. And he turned his head, looked up at me. He says, under the left wing, madam.

[Singer]

It itches.

[Judy Canova]

That that butcher, though he was sure getting high prices for turkeys. I told him a thing or three, all right. Well, I complained so much, he finally handed me an egg. And he says, here, if you want a cheap turkey, take this home and sit on it. That nerve of that butcher turned out to be a duck anyhow. And now, folks, I'd like to sing is my first song tonight. Fireball mail. Here she comes look at her roll There she go eating that cold Watch.

[Geranium]

Her fly look at her tail Let.

[Judy Canova]

Her fly Bye bye It's five O mate Watch her soul look at her sting Hear her blow poison scream Like.

[Geranium]

A hound whacking its tail look at.

[Judy Canova]

The sound Bound, bound at the Bible.

[Geranium]

Man hide a little old lady Holy dear eye Little old lane.

[Judy Canova]

Engineer Making up time Tracks are clear Boy, look at her climb See that.

[Geranium]

Braid clearing the rail I bet she's.

[Judy Canova]

Late, Late, late, late, late that's a five ball mail Watch her squirm look at her sway I get that curve get that cur out of the way.

[Geranium]

Watch her fly look at her sail.

[Judy Canova]

Let her by, by, by It's a.

[Geranium]

Fire for me Let her f. Let her.

[Ken Niles]

Hello, Judy.

[Judy Canova]

Oh, hello, Mr. Knauf. Say, did I tell you we were all going duck hunting tomorrow morning?

[Ken Niles]

No, but you can count me. And boy, I love duck hunting. By the way, Judy, have you got a gun?

[Judy Canova]

Sure, I got everything but a hunting dog. Shucks, I wish I had my old hunting dog. You know, I had one of them little German dachshunds. But he died.

[Ken Niles]

Oh, that's too bad. What happened?

[Judy Canova]

He met his end going around a tree.

[Ken Niles]

Good grief, what was that?

[Judy Canova]

Gee, I don't know.

[Geranium]

Geranium. Geranium. Come in, honey. What in the world happened? I was cleaning your shotgun, honey, and I wanted to see if it was loaded. Well, you know that pretty swinging door between the kitchen and the dining room? The one with the bird's eye?

[Judy Canova]

Maple panel? Yeah, but you got a screen door there now.

[Geranium]

Say, Ms. Judy. You know, I sure wish my boyfriend.

[Judy Canova]

Pomeroy was here to go hunting with us. I got a letter yesterday from him.

[Geranium]

He says he got shot an elephant that weighed 5,000 pounds.

[Singer]

Bull.

[Geranium]

Well, he exaggerates a little.

[Judy Canova]

Archer, radio jure. Stop that.

[Geranium]

Oh, but honey, he is a real good hunter. Well, I was with him one time and he shot a big grizzly bear. Shot the bear in the foot. Knocked all his teeth out.

[Judy Canova]

Oh, now, wait a minute. If he shot the bear in the foot, how could he knock the bear's teeth out?

[Geranium]

Well, the bear was biting his nails at the time.

[Judy Canova]

Well, enough of this here talk. Come on, let's all go out in the corral and practice some shots. Come on, Mr. Niles. Geranium. Oh, look, There's Sylvester over there by the barn. Sylvester.

[Sylvester]

Hello, Ms. Judy.

[Judy Canova]

Hi.

[Sylvester]

Gosh, I'm certainly sick of the smell of this stuff. Say, I've been spraying this rowboat with shellac to make it look waterproof.

[Judy Canova]

You ain't only spraying with shellac.

[Sylvester]

Oh, sniffering sucker tag. You're always casting aspersions on my efforts. You'll sing a different tune tomorrow when you're sitting in a nice dry boat out in that soggy swamp.

[Geranium]

Side bailing is leaking already.

[Judy Canova]

Well, never mind the boat. I'm gonna try a little target practice and sharpen up my shooting knife.

[Sylvester]

Look.

[Geranium]

You see that old owl is setting.

[Judy Canova]

Up there, blinking at us. Watch this. Shucks, I wish Grandpappy had quit roosting in them trees.

[Ken Niles]

Judy, you certainly need some practice. Are your eyes bad?

[Singer]

What?

[Ken Niles]

Eyes bad.

[Judy Canova]

Oh, is him? Geranium. Geranium. Go. Go pick an apple off that tree over there and put it on your head and I'll shoot it off.

[Geranium]

You gonna shoot what off of? Who's with?

[Judy Canova]

Now, listen to you. There ain't nothing to be afraid of. Geranium. Don't you remember William Tell shot an apple off his son's head.

[Geranium]

Yeah, whatever come of that, Boy.

[Judy Canova]

Now, don't act like a baby. Put the apple on your head and forget about it.

[Geranium]

Say, why don't we try it on a watermelon foot?

[Judy Canova]

Are you kidding? Why, listen. Yeah, I can see the apple from here. It's that big round thing.

[Geranium]

That big round thing is my head. That little thing on top of it's the apple.

[Ken Niles]

Now, wait a minute, Judy, are you sure you can do this?

[Judy Canova]

Why, sure, Mr. Niles. Geranium. Stand there a minute till I find my glasses.

[Geranium]

Glasses. That's all I want to know. SOS SOS now, look, I'll take a practice shot First.

[Judy Canova]

I'm going to shoot that moose out there in that field.

[Geranium]

Some moose. You knock the milk pill right off under.

[Ken Niles]

Judy, I think I better show you how to shoot that thing. You see that gong hanging on the barn? Well, watch this.

[Singer]

There you are.

[Judy Canova]

Oh, shucks, I can do that. Watch. That. Must have gone by way of Cucamonga. I'll try one More. Watch this. What do you think of that, Mr. Niles?

[Ken Niles]

That's the first time I ever heard a preview of a gun going off.

[Judy Canova]

Well, that's enough practice. Get ready. Geranium.

[Geranium]

Please, Ms. Judy, let's call this thing off. Please don't shoot that thing at me. Put that pistol down, babe. Put that pistol down.

[Judy Canova]

Why Geranium, you're turning white.

[Geranium]

Are you kidding?

[Judy Canova]

Well, never mind now.

[Geranium]

Ready, aim, fire. Geranium.

[Judy Canova]

Geranium, come back here. Why are you running?

[Geranium]

I got to stay ahead of this bullet.

[Ken Niles]

Yes, Judy. And I think I'll take a powder.

[Judy Canova]

Why, Mr. Niles, I wouldn't plug you.

[Ken Niles]

Well, no, plugging is my job. Plugging for Colgate tooth powder. Folks, you could go hunting around for months. But you can't duck this fact that if you want a breath that's sweet and a smile that dazzles, use Colgate tooth powder.

[Judy Canova]

I get you, Mr. Niles. Colgate tooth powder on your brush is better than a bird from your friend.

[Ken Niles]

That's right. If you want to bag your limit of dates, use the toothpowder. That's double barreled ammunition. Use Colgate tooth powder. It shoots first with a dull surface film on your teeth and then goes gunning to sweeten your breath. And it does both jobs with one shot. Reveals all the natural brilliance of your teeth and stops oral unpleasing breath. Stops it instantly in 7 cases out of 10. As scientific tests have definitely proved.

[Judy Canova]

So if you're looking for happy hunting.

[Ken Niles]

You'Ll find it helps to use Colgate tooth powder. Use it night and morning and before every date and I'll promise you a combination that will slay them. A breath that's sweet and a smile that dazzles. Remember Colgate tooth powder.

[Geranium]

Oh look, here's Eddie Dean.

[Ken Niles]

Hello, Ms. Judy. Hi ya nar. Hi, Eddie.

[Judy Canova]

Ah, you're just in time, Eddie. Here, put this apple on your head.

[Ken Niles]

Oh, a game. I love game. Yeah, you'll sure get a bang out of this one.

[Judy Canova]

Come on, Ed, put the apple on your head.

[Ken Niles]

I'll put it on top my 10 gallon hat. Hey, wait a minute. Judy, give me that gun. I've been waiting for this.

[Geranium]

Ouch.

[Ken Niles]

They're with my left ear. Boat. They're with my right ear. Why doesn't he shoot back? He's got a gun.

[Judy Canova]

He can't see his ears was holding his hat up.

[Ken Niles]

Well, will somebody lend me their ears?

[Judy Canova]

What for?

[Ken Niles]

I'd like to sing a song.

[Judy Canova]

Well, now there's a real song cue. If I ever heard One. What'll it be, Eddie?

[Ken Niles]

A little thing called I'll wait for you, Mary.

[Singer]

Wait for me, Mary Till the world will see Sing again Till the world will smile again and the smiles in style again Wait for me, Mary by the moonlit garden gate where my heart and I would wait for you There are so many things I want to tell you Little words that I never told before and I hope hope that it won't be hard to sell you all the dreams I have in store so wait for me many Till the world will sing again Till I bring my love again to you There are so many things I want to tell you Little words that I never told before and I hope that it won't be hard to sell you all the dreams I have in store so wait for me, Mary Till the world will sing again Till I bring my love again to you.

[Ken Niles]

Gee, it's cold sleeping on this ground. Come , Judy, it's 6:00, the morning. Let's get started if we want to get those ducks. I built a nice blind for you to shoot from.

[Judy Canova]

A blind, Mr. Noss? What's a blind?

[Ken Niles]

Well, a blind is something you hide in until the thing you're hunting for goes by.

[Judy Canova]

Oh, you mean like a dark corner on Hollywood Boulevard? Well, I'll wake up the rest of them. Come on, Sylvester, wake up at 6:00'. Clock.

[Singer]

Oh, Hetty.

[Sylvester]

Hey, what's going on here?

[Geranium]

Oh, suffering sucker sack.

[Sylvester]

Run for your lives, everybody. The world is on fire.

[Judy Canova]

Sylvester, that's the sun coming up.

[Geranium]

How would he know the sun? He's been in a fog all his life.

[Judy Canova]

Well, I reckon everybody's ready. Just one more thing we gotta do.

[Ken Niles]

Judy, what's the idea of firing that gun?

[Judy Canova]

Well, everybody else is up, so I thought I better wake up the duck.

[Ken Niles]

Oh, golly, it's a wonder you didn't scare all the ducks away. Now, quiet, everybody. Get down in these weeds. The ducks will start flying any minute.

[Sylvester]

Oh, boy, watch me shoot their tails off with my trusty.38.

[Ken Niles]

A.38? You can't shoot a duck with a.38. You'll make too big a hole in the bird.

[Sylvester]

Oh, shucks. And I'll use my BB gun.

[Judy Canova]

No, a BB makes too small a hole in the bird.

[Sylvester]

Then I'll have to use my point shot.

[Ken Niles]

Oh, no, a slingshot is too cruel.

[Sylvester]

Do you mind if I just give him a dirty look.

[Geranium]

There, honey? I don't like this creeping around out here in these swamps and woods.

[Judy Canova]

All geranium. Ain't nothing to be Afraid of?

[Geranium]

Well, I'll never forget the time I was walking through the woods when suddenly.

[Judy Canova]

I was surrounded by five bears.

[Geranium]

One set on my head, one set on my chest, one sat on my legs and the other one set on my arms.

[Judy Canova]

Were you scared? Join him?

[Geranium]

I sure was. But I found out they weren't gonna hurt me.

[Judy Canova]

Well, if it didn't hurt you, what'd they want?

[Geranium]

They just wanted to sit around and.

[Judy Canova]

Chew the fat a while.

[Ken Niles]

All right, Judy, let's sneak up to the lake. Follow me through these weeds.

[Judy Canova]

You know something? This reminds me of the time I was a hunting bear.

[Ken Niles]

It dies.

[Judy Canova]

Yep. The wade tickle me then too.

[Ken Niles]

Look, here comes a duck. I wonder if it's a drake or a hen.

[Geranium]

That's something that only interest another duck. My. Sure wish a pork chop would fly by.

[Judy Canova]

Geranium pork chops don't fly, honey. You ain't never ed at my house.

[Ken Niles]

Now, quiet, everybody. That duck is going to fly right over our head. Who do you take the first shot? All right, Judy, fire.

[Judy Canova]

Sylvester, didn't you load these guns?

[Sylvester]

Why, certainly. I filled them with salt, sage and celery.

[Judy Canova]

Well, what's the idea?

[Sylvester]

Well, I figured if you shot one, he'd come down already stuffed. Hey, you've got to admit I use my brains. I'm a thinker.

[Judy Canova]

You lift too, don't you?

[Ken Niles]

Quick now, everybody load up. Here comes that duck again.

[Judy Canova]

He's mine.

[Sylvester]

No, sir, he's mine.

[Judy Canova]

Oh, now, just a minute, Fell. Listen here. Aren't you ashamed of yourselves of fighting over that poor little duck? Just look at the poor little thing. You poor, poor duck. You poor, poor duck. You poor, poor. We're a bunch of low killers, that's what we are. Would any of you eat that poor little duck?

[Ken Niles]

Oh, gee, I feel like a murderer myself. I wouldn't eat it. Neither would I. I wouldn't touch the thing.

[Geranium]

I'd rather go hungry myself.

[Sylvester]

Just a second. Just a second. Where is the duck? He's disappeared.

[Ken Niles]

Yes, where is the duck, Judy?

[Judy Canova]

Anybody got a toothp?

[Ken Niles]

Hey, Judy, before you sing your next song, I'd like to talk to all the folks listening in, whether they're hunters or not. Judy Canova says that if you want to get anywhere these days, you've got to have more than just a flash in your pan. You know, more than just a smile. Now, a smile that dazzles is always good for a look, see? But in the clinches, you've also got to have a breath that's sweet to make a yes man out of a. No man depend upon Colgate Tooth Powder to do both jobs, for it actually cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth.

[Singer]

Yes.

[Ken Niles]

Colgate Tooth Powder not only removes dull surface film and leaves your teeth gleaming with all their natural brilliance, but at the same time, Colgate stops oral unpleasing breath. Stops it instantly in seven cases out of 10, as scientific tests have definitely proved. Simply brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. And I'll promise you a breath that sweet and a smile that dazzle. And now Judy sings for you one of her popular Hill tunes. I'll wait for you.

[Singer]

I'll wait for you While you're away, dear so always know my heart beats.

[Ken Niles]

Through.

[Singer]

Don'T stay too long or thou be lonely My one and only.

I'll.

Wait for you when we're apart I'll never forget you I'll still recall.

[Geranium]

The.

[Singer]

Things you do for you I'll pass for you I'll praise it both night and day, dear I'll wait for you. In all my dream I'll have you near me I'll dream of that once we knew When I awake of you I'll ponder each day you wonder I wait for you.

[Judy Canova]

And now I'd like to take a minute to speak to you folks about the fat salvage drive. It seems that some of you have been pouring waste kitchen fats in glass containers. Glass jars sometimes get broke when you turn them into the butcher shop. And worse still, glass jars are causing plant accidents and breakdowns where the waste fat is converted into glycerin. And the worst part of all this is that this fat is desperately needed for making gunpowder and medicine. But fat, which has broken glass in it, has to be thrown away. It can't be used. So from now on, strain that old kitchen fat into tin cans, soup cans, fruit cans, vegetable cans, coffee cans. Any kind of tin can will do. Don't forget, folks, keep your waste fat in a tin can. Then take it to your butcher at once. It's needed now. Well, folks, we'll be seeing all of you at Rancho Canova next Tuesday night at this very same time. So until then, this is Judy Canova saying thanks a lot and good night. Good night, Chat.

[Ken Niles]

This is Ken Nile saying for a breath that sweets and a smile that dazzles use Colgate tooth powder. Well, we'll see y' all next Tuesday. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.