
Pat Novak for Hire 49-03-06 (04) Fleet Lady
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Narrator/Announcer
All right, remember, the machine knows if you're lying. First statement. Carvana will give you a real offer on your car.
Jackie Greg
All online.
Commercial Voice 1
False.
Jocko Madigan
True.
Narrator/Announcer
Actually, you can sell your car in minutes.
Pat Novak
False. That's gotta be false.
Narrator/Announcer
True again. Carvana will pick up your car from your door. Or you can drop it off at one of their car vending machines.
Sybil Thornton
Sounds too good to be true.
Pat Novak
So true.
Narrator/Announcer
Finally caught on.
Pat Novak
Nice job.
Narrator/Announcer
Honesty isn't just their policy, it's their entire model. Sell your car today, too, Carvana. Pickup fees may apply.
Pat Novak
Ladies and gentlemen, the American Broadcasting Company brings to its entire network one of radio's most unusual programs.
Narrator/Announcer
Pat Novak for higher.
Pat Novak
Sure, I'm pat novak for hire.
That's what the sign out in front of my office says. Pat Novak for hire.
You gotta put it in block letters. Because down on the waterfront in San Francisco there's a price tag on everything. You gotta do that or marry a rich widow.
I don't like to work that hard, so I rent boats and do anything else that's cash and carry. Oh, it's all right, if you don't mind trouble. Because that's one thing you can't duck. It's like trying to dance the minuet in skis. And the best trouble always looks good from the outside.
You're all smiles and you feel like a kid opening a hand grenade under the Christmas tree. I found that out Tuesday night. It was around 7 o' clock and I was getting ready to close the office when this little guy showed up. It was about the size of a golf bag with arms. If he had a cigar box, he could see over a pool table. He walked up to the desk and started talking in a voice that made you think he was trying to put Lily Pons out of work.
Narrator/Announcer
Hello.
Jackie Greg
You Novak?
Pat Novak
You're doing all right so far. What's on your mind?
Jackie Greg
I'm Jackie Greg. You heard of me, huh?
Pat Novak
You're the shy type. I know.
Jackie Greg
I'm Jackie Greg, the jockey. You heard of me, huh?
Pat Novak
All right, now, I heard her. You put the show on the road.
Jackie Greg
I'm looking for a horse. You want to find me a horse?
Pat Novak
Yeah. I breed him in the back room. What color you want?
Jackie Greg
You're so tough, I gotta take that from you?
Pat Novak
Calm down before you wind up in a boy's choir. If you got anything to sell, put it on the line or beat it.
Jackie Greg
I'm riding a horse tomorrow called Fleet Lady. She's disappeared.
Pat Novak
She's not here.
Jackie Greg
I'm supposed to ride the sixth race with her tomorrow. The Bonanza Handicap. And she's gone.
Pat Novak
All right, she's gone. Maybe your horse likes to go out at night. I haven't seen her. Get to the point.
Jackie Greg
I'll give you 200 bucks to find that horse. Somebody took her in a van. I trailed him down here at the waterfront.
Pat Novak
But you lost him up at the Ferry Building.
Jackie Greg
That's right. Something funny's going on. My mount disappeared and you gotta find her.
Pat Novak
This is a big waterfront. And where's the 200 bucks?
Jackie Greg
You'll get that all right. Found by Pier 19. They turned in. You think you can find Fleet Lady?
Pat Novak
I don't know. Who owns her?
Jackie Greg
Woman named Sybil Thornton. She's mixed up, I think.
Pat Novak
Yeah? Why steal your own horse?
Jackie Greg
I know. Run a ringing, maybe.
Pat Novak
That's a tough trick.
Jackie Greg
This woman's got some good ones. You want that 200 bucks?
Pat Novak
Yeah. How are the odds?
Jackie Greg
What's the difference? You gonna open a book? You better take the 200 bucks now.
Pat Novak
Yeah, the doe will keep. You sound frightened, Junior.
Jackie Greg
And you sound nosy. Here's a 200. I want you to find the horse. You let me know at the Kingston Hotel, huh?
Pat Novak
Sure.
Jackie Greg
If you don't find anything around the waterfront, maybe you better try the track. Ask around there.
Pat Novak
Yeah. By the way, how do you fit in? How come you got $200 interest in that horse?
Jackie Greg
Maybe I love horses. What do you care if maybe I love horses?
Pat Novak
I don't. A guy like you's gotta love something.
Oh, it was a real sweet proposition. A jockey in search of a horse. There was something phony about the whole thing. I had the 200 bucks, but I didn't feel good. It was like a guy stealing a murder gun to help out on a scrap metal drive.
Well, after the little guy left, I closed the office and started to hit the docks. But it didn't work out. You can buy good whiskey these days. So you feel funny walking up to some guy on the pier and asking, have you seen a racehorse around here, mister? By nine, I was sure that horse wasn't around. So I borrowed a car and drove out to the track. I found out where Sybil Thornton's horses were quartered and headed down that way. It was pretty dark, so when I bumped into her, all I got was a vague outline. She had a good looking vague outline.
Sybil Thornton
I'm very sorry.
Pat Novak
Yeah, I'm full of regrets too. Should we try it again?
Sybil Thornton
Aren't you a little mixed up on your animals? They keep horses here.
Pat Novak
You don't seem to mind.
Sybil Thornton
No. You lean nicely but you'd probably feel safer with a platform.
Pat Novak
We'll try this again when I've had three good meals. That's a horse.
Sybil Thornton
Yes, I know. In fact, I own her.
Pat Novak
I see. That'd make you Sybil Thornton.
Sybil Thornton
Yes. What would that make you?
Pat Novak
A guy named Pat Novak looking for your horse. I was hired in the waterfront to find her.
Inspector Hellman
Why?
Sybil Thornton
They grow big on the waterfront. You must get a lot of sun. By the way, is Fleet lady missing your jockey?
Pat Novak
Say she is. That's why I'm snooping around.
Sybil Thornton
Does that know he had any friends?
Pat Novak
He's got a checkbook. How about Fleet Lady? Is she tucking bed?
Sybil Thornton
Yeah.
Pat Novak
Let's take a look.
Sybil Thornton
You'd find it very dull, Mr. Novak.
Pat Novak
Yeah, that's what they said to Anthony. Let's see the horse, huh?
Sybil Thornton
Suit yourself. She's down this way.
Pat Novak
Okay.
Sybil Thornton
I'm doing this out of the bigness of my heart. I think you're wasting my generosity, Mr. Novy.
Pat Novak
Don't use it all this trip.
Sybil Thornton
It's from in the stable. Come on.
Pat Novak
All right.
Sybil Thornton
Down about here. Three ladies.
Here. There's a flashlight on the wall.
Pat Novak
Okay.
Sybil Thornton
Poor thing.
Pat Novak
Your horses die broke, too. Who is it? Fleet Lady.
Sybil Thornton
Yes? Are you satisfied?
Pat Novak
No. I'm gonna ring up headquarters.
Sybil Thornton
Are you crazy?
Pat Novak
Then I'm gonna call Jackie Greg and tell him his hunch paid off.
Sybil Thornton
I wouldn't do that, Mr. Novak.
Pat Novak
Stop kidding me, sweetheart. She didn't get killed in a fight with another horse. Greg figured somebody was telling a machine. That's why Fleet Lady's dead. That's why I'm gonna call headquarters.
Sybil Thornton
Suit yourself. But remember what happened, lady.
Pat Novak
You getting tough, angel?
Sybil Thornton
No. You just wouldn't look good with a saddle, Mr. Novak.
Pat Novak
I watched her as she turned and walked out of there. Was the kind of a walk that makes you flip the calendar and find out how far away spring is.
I looked around a while, but it didn't do any good. The place was full of doors. So whoever killed Fleet lady got out easy. Like a roomer at a church picnic. I closed the door and went down the line to call headquarters. As I stood in there talking, I saw Sybil Thornton drive by. It was a long convertible with red asbestos seat covers. After I called headquarters, I went back and waited near the stable. About a half hour later, a police car pulled up. And when I saw who got out, I began to get unhappy. Like a three legged man in a ballet school. It was Hellman from Homicide and he had a squad with him.
Inspector Hellman
All right, I'll talk to him.
Rudy Hauser
I'll talk to him.
Inspector Hellman
Hello, Novak. Where's your trainer?
Pat Novak
Your boys get paid to laugh at you, Hellman. I don't. Yeah.
Inspector Hellman
Where's the horse?
Pat Novak
What are you doing on the case?
Inspector Hellman
I came for the ride. You mind, Novak?
Pat Novak
No, I just wondered if they wised up downtown. Because you could find a dead horse, Hellman, if they staked it out in the middle of Market street, you'd find it before long.
Inspector Hellman
I'll try this time. Where is it?
Pat Novak
Stall 18. Over there? Yeah.
Inspector Hellman
Keep an eye on him, boys. I'll be back in a minute.
In here, Novak.
Pat Novak
Yeah, the one with the teeth like yours.
Rudy Hauser
You better shut up, Novak.
Pat Novak
Don't get jumpy. You haven't seen the horse.
Rudy Hauser
Just shut up, huh?
Pat Novak
Wasn't going to be much of a conversation anyway.
Inspector Hellman
What color horse was that, Novak?
Pat Novak
What do you mean? Take a look.
Inspector Hellman
Yeah, I did. I just took a look. It's a smart horse, Novak, huh? That's right. That dead horse in there is wearing a double breasted suit.
Pat Novak
Hellman got the message straight. I walked in and took a look. Jackie Gregg was lying there on the floor as dead as last year's love. The sickness didn't show until we rolled him over on his stomach. Somebody had gone duck hunting in the middle of his back. I began to feel a little sick myself and was ready to send out for the same gun when Hellman started to talk.
Inspector Hellman
You forgot to mention the guy when you phoned headquarters.
Pat Novak
He wasn't there. I was in here before and the guy wasn't around.
Inspector Hellman
What was he doing out of the horse?
Pat Novak
I don't know. Hellman maybe crawled out of a crack. I don't know. There were two shots. I came in and found the horse.
Inspector Hellman
Yeah?
Pat Novak
Check the horse.
Inspector Hellman
You're trying to tell me the horse shot back?
Narrator/Announcer
Who is he?
Pat Novak
A guy by the name of Jackie Greg. He gave me 200 bucks to find a missing horse. Yeah, A horse called Fleet lady running into Mars Handicap. This is the end of the line.
Inspector Hellman
How do you know it's the same one?
Pat Novak
I don't. Maybe you gotta be a horse to tell. Why don't you ask one of your boys?
Yeah, your boy's real tough. Call him off, Hellman.
Inspector Hellman
He's nasty. We all hate him. Novak.
Pat Novak
It's all right. I'll put it on your bill, Hellman.
Rudy Hauser
That's good.
Inspector Hellman
You can write it up at headquarters.
Pat Novak
Hellman, you ought to run an idiot. The heavy thinking's too much for you.
Inspector Hellman
I can piece this together. We come out here and find a dead man with you kicking up dust 40ft away.
Pat Novak
Look, Hellman, I didn't kill the guy and then call up headquarters. I know they're bad in Homicide, but I'm not that big hearted.
Inspector Hellman
We got a spare hook for you, Novak. That's where you stay until somebody gets you off.
Pat Novak
And you can start out with Sybil Thornton.
Inspector Hellman
Another horse?
Pat Novak
She's got the speed for it. Look her up. She owns Fleet lady, and she was dashing around here in the dark playing easy to get.
Inspector Hellman
I'll look her up.
Pat Novak
You better leave the boys behind. After all, she's only a woman. When you see her, ask about that van down on the waterfront. And ask what she was doing before I made that phone call.
Inspector Hellman
I'll tag all the bases. Don't worry, Junior. And if things fit together, you'll both be in the jug. I'll see you later. I got work to do.
Pat Novak
Yeah, it's getting late. You better put the boys back in the cage.
I'm here on a job site with.
Sybil Thornton
Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business.
Pat Novak
Three employees and two work trucks. Tim traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance. We're positive here where he needs us most. They sure are. With Step by step help on all his insurance needs.
Jocko Madigan
All for shockingly low rates.
Pat Novak
Shockingly low, huh? Just a little bit of electrician humor. Do you get it? I got it. You know, it feels like we have a real connection.
Jocko Madigan
All right, I'll stop.
Pat Novak
Get a commercial auto insurance quote today@geico.com and see how much you could save.
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Pat Novak
I began to worry after Hellman left. There was no murder gun and he didn't have too much to go on. But was no one else wanted my job. I knew the girl was gonna have an alibi. And I was the last guy that Jackie Greg had seen. I had about as much chance as a fat girl at a Princeton prom. Hellman didn't like me and he was a smart cop with a disposition like a ton of rhubarb.
I had to start right from scratch. I felt like Adam the first morning he woke up. So I looked up a guy named Jocko Madigan. An ex doctor and a boozer who will give you a lift if you show him where the stirrups are. Oh, a good guy, but he thinks all food makes a gurgle. I hit all the bars and finally found him up at Maggie Nielsen's apartment. She's a good looking voice that lives up on the hill. And Jocko was working his way into her liquor supply.
Jocko Madigan
Hello, Patsy. You're just in time to join me for my first drink of the evening. Or one of my first at least.
Pat Novak
Yeah, I see it.
Jocko Madigan
Maggie's not here, but I found a whiskey. It was in plain sight, locked in the closet under some newspapers.
Pat Novak
All right, Jocko. When are you gonna sober up?
Jocko Madigan
I plan to do it briefly on April 1, when the rest of the world plays the fool.
Pat Novak
Also, I'm in trouble, Jocko. You gotta help me.
Inspector Hellman
Good.
Jocko Madigan
I've got a special bottle I used to. Forget your troubles.
Pat Novak
Stop caressing that jug and listen to me. I'm in a jam, Patsy.
Jocko Madigan
There's nothing in nature so sad as a half empty bottle. It's like a broken vow or an unfulfilled promise in the skies. A falling star. Almost.
Pat Novak
All right, joto.
Jocko Madigan
A falling star. And you shrug it off, never realizing that a whole world has ended at that moment. A hundred million dreams, maybe. And you watch it fall and make an asinine wish. And that's all the good it does is start a fall. It gives some kid a chance to wish for a bicycle.
Pat Novak
You're finished now, Jocko.
Jocko Madigan
Yes? What kind of trouble? Anything I could aggravate I mixed up.
Pat Novak
Out of the track a guy by the name of Jackie. Greg is dead and I don't look good.
Jocko Madigan
Hellman?
Pat Novak
Yeah. The guy's a jockey. And he hired me to find a horse named Fleet Lady.
Jocko Madigan
Did you?
Pat Novak
The horse and the jockey ran a dead heat. But there's something funny about the whole deal.
Jocko Madigan
Did you talk to the jockey?
Pat Novak
Not enough.
Jocko Madigan
Patsy, you've got to break yourself of the habit of waiting until people are dead before you think of a question.
Pat Novak
Jocko, I want you to hit all the horse rooms. Find out what you can about the sixth race tomorrow. It's the Bonanza Handicap. And hurry up, will you?
Jocko Madigan
If it's the sixth race, why can't we wait a while?
Pat Novak
Start now. Get everything you can and call me. I'll leave a message at your place.
Jocko Madigan
Where are you going?
Pat Novak
I don't know. Maybe up to see the girl.
Jocko Madigan
Oh, Patsy, you're going to be waving at the hangman's wife when they spring the trap door.
Pat Novak
I gotta see her. She owns Fleet Lady.
Jocko Madigan
Why don't I see her?
Pat Novak
She's got a stake somewhere. I got a lot of questions. What could you do up there?
Jocko Madigan
Yes. If it weren't an academic question, I'd argue the point.
Pat Novak
Looked like a bum deal right from the start.
Jocko Madigan
Oh, Patsy, you have the instinct for recognizing trouble but not the intelligence to duck it.
Pat Novak
Jocko, will you get out to those horsepowers? I need facts, not fables. Now give me a hand.
Jocko Madigan
All right. Give my love to Fleet Lady.
Pat Novak
Her name's Sybil Thornton.
Jocko Madigan
Well, I'll bet I'm not far wrong. Good night, lover.
Pat Novak
After I left Jocko, I went to the Chronicle morgue and looked up Paul Stangle. We pulled out the clips on Sybil Thornton. They were nice and fat because she'd been to Reno four times and hadn't broke training for years. She'd been traded around more than a Red Sox pitcher. The clippings said that she was 32. There were a lot of pictures, and from her eyes you got the idea she was around 35.
But there were arguments the other way, too. There weren't any stories on her for the last few months, just a few items from the columns. They all said the same thing. She was hitting the night spots with a gambler named Rudy Houser. There were pictures of him, too. He would have looked real good in a cave with heavy curtains. I asked Paul. He said Howser had a gambling place out on Geary. So I took a cab out there for 10 bucks. The guy at the door said Sybil Thorne had left the place an hour ago. That made me feel good. When Hauser opened the door to his office, I lost the glow.
Rudy Hauser
Yeah? What's with you?
Pat Novak
I got a problem.
Rudy Hauser
You got the wrong door.
Pat Novak
You can't get any tougher, so I'm coming in.
Rudy Hauser
Suit Yourself? I never throw anybody out until I'm sure they've lost all their money. What's on your mind?
Pat Novak
A horse named Fleet lady. She disappeared at 7:00 tonight.
Rudy Hauser
You check under the rug. I'll try the cabin.
Pat Novak
She got back just in time to greet somebody's gunsely.
Rudy Hauser
If I say no, will you go out and lose your money like a good boy?
Pat Novak
Fleet lady was owned by a gal named Sybil Thornton. The columns say you're number five on her list.
Rudy Hauser
And they never lie. The whiskey's too good.
Pat Novak
Also, a little bird says she was in your office an hour ago.
Rudy Hauser
That's right. She said your name's Novak.
The next time you get a bombshell, give it a test run.
Pat Novak
With Flea lady dead, your money's gonna look good in the sixth tomorrow.
Rudy Hauser
What makes you think that gal would throw a race?
Pat Novak
For the same reason she goes out with you, huh? When a gal takes a Great Dane like you out in public, it generally means the guy's a bucks ahead of her.
Rudy Hauser
You want to fight the team now, Novak, just remember, sometimes you can't be right in the gentleman too.
Pat Novak
Yeah. I hope that's the way you feel when they pick you up for Jackie Greg's murder.
Inspector Hellman
Huh?
Pat Novak
Oh, you do a real nice double take, mister. The jockey checked out with a horse.
Rudy Hauser
I didn't know that, Novak.
Pat Novak
Yeah, with no brains, you built this gambling club.
Rudy Hauser
I didn't know that he was dead. I told you that, Novak, and I meant it was all right for a little punk.
I'm sorry it's dead.
Pat Novak
So is he. I'll see you later, Hauser. I got a nose around and find out where you were tonight.
Rudy Hauser
Yeah. You seem all right, Novak, so I'll tell you if you got any dough left. When you leave my table, it's dead. On a horse named Fleet lady in the sixth race tomorrow.
Pat Novak
Do you always bet on a dead horse?
Rudy Hauser
You got the tip. Use it or bury it. But don't loan it out.
Pat Novak
The case was a regular grab bag. When I walked out of Hauser's office, I began to tick off the things that didn't add up. First on the list was that van down on the waterfront. If it was Fleet lady who got shot in the stable, if it was the ringer, that meant Fleet lady had run tomorrow. I couldn't figure out why Hauser was so sure she'd win. An idea kept racing around in the back of my mind like an ant in a cookie factory. Jackie, Greg lied about that van down on the waterfront. But why not to bail me out of the poor house with 200 bucks. I got part of the answer when I stopped by the pay telephone and called Hellman.
Inspector Hellman
Yeah, Hellman talking.
Pat Novak
This is Novak. I got some news.
Inspector Hellman
You'll have to put it on the back page.
Pat Novak
What do you got?
Inspector Hellman
Your friend Jackie Greg had some love life.
Pat Novak
Well, there's a chance for you, Hellman. Who's the girl? Sybil Thornton.
Inspector Hellman
Yeah, we found her picture in his wallet. The gooey kind.
Pat Novak
I'll bet you stole it for long train rides. What time did he die?
Inspector Hellman
The right fit for you. Between nine and ten o'.
Rudy Hauser
Clock.
Inspector Hellman
Two shots from a.32 caliber pistol.
Pat Novak
How about the horse.45 caliber. Two people. It's getting involved.
Inspector Hellman
Maybe, maybe not. You got two hands, Novak.
Pat Novak
Look up a guy named Rudy Hauser. He's got a joint out on Geary Street.
Inspector Hellman
I got enough friends.
Pat Novak
You look him up. I did. He's still talking about Fleet lady and tomorrow's race.
Inspector Hellman
All right, maybe he's sentimental. Look, Novak, I'll pick out my own work. I don't need free help from you, Jackie. Greg paid 200 bucks and look what he got.
Pat Novak
Suit yourself. But Rudy Howser and that gal are close friends. Yeah, like two part harmony and a television. Now, get off the dime, Hellman. Howser's got that gal in his hip pocket. She owns Fleet lady and he's betting her to win.
Inspector Hellman
You're trying hard, Novak.
Pat Novak
It's gotta be a slow field to lose to a dead horse. Wake up, Hellman. You couldn't smell a rat in a basement full of cheese.
Inspector Hellman
I did all right in your apartment, huh? That.32 caliber pistol. We found it up at your place. See you later.
Pat Novak
Well, I wasn't too worried about that. Hellman's smart enough to know a phony plant. I began to think about that.32 caliber pistol. It's a woman's weapon, but that doesn't prove anything. So's a bread knife if she's in a bad mood. Must have been about midnight when I got to Sybil Thornton's place.
She was wearing black lounging pajamas, tied tight around a slim waist. She looked like a wasp with a nice sting. She had company.
Sybil Thornton
Come in. Mr. Novak? Yeah.
Mr. Novak, this is Ronnie Stark.
Inspector Hellman
Hello, Novak.
He's not very friendly, Sybil.
Sybil Thornton
He's just pouting because they're going to arrest him for Jackie's murder.
Pat Novak
How do you like Hellman?
Sybil Thornton
You've known him longer.
Pat Novak
Well, somebody left the murder gun up at my place. Where you been all night?
Sybil Thornton
Please, Mr. Novak. You're embarrassing Ronnie.
Inspector Hellman
That's right. I'm blushing. And it's not the whiskey, Novak.
Pat Novak
I see.
Sybil Thornton
You must stay longer, Ronnie.
Inspector Hellman
She's persuasive, huh, Novak? I'll see you tomorrow.
Sybil Thornton
You won't forget, Ronnie?
Inspector Hellman
No, I won't forget.
Oh, I'm betting on you, Novak.
Pat Novak
What won't he forget, Mr. Novak?
Sybil Thornton
I hope nobody ever asks you that question.
Pat Novak
You don't want to talk about putting that gun in my apartment?
Sybil Thornton
No.
Pat Novak
Let's talk about Rudy Hauser, then. Your meat grinder friend. We just had a good talk and he opened up a new road.
Sybil Thornton
What'd you tell him?
Pat Novak
Don't break a spring. He's all right.
Sybil Thornton
Will you do me a favor, Patsy?
Pat Novak
Like not talking to Hauser anymore, huh?
Sybil Thornton
That's right. Won't do you any good, Patsy. And it'll do me a lot of good.
Pat Novak
How's he gonna know which horse got killed? I'll bet you lied to him, Angel.
Sybil Thornton
It's my Applecott, Patsy, leave it alone.
Pat Novak
Sure, but play your hand right, baby, because I'm gonna watch your cards. And if you got one that says Jackie Greg, I'm gonna call you the hard way, too.
Sybil Thornton
Patsy, you're a nice beast. I really think you would. Sit down.
Drink?
Pat Novak
No.
Sybil Thornton
It'll do you good.
Pat Novak
Not right now.
Sybil Thornton
Well, you've read the book.
Pat Novak
Just a couple of chapters.
Sybil Thornton
Bet they're the right ones.
Pat Novak
You better watch out, baby. I may be a long shot.
Sybil Thornton
Well, you care as long as I bet I don't. That's good. I didn't think you'd mind.
Pat Novak
All right, angel, it's time to wire.
Sybil Thornton
The folks must, you know that. Just wait till you know me better.
Pat Novak
That's from me. I left the number.
Sybil Thornton
It's your fault.
Jocko Madigan
Yeah.
Pat Novak
Hello, Patsy. What'd you find out, Jocko?
Jocko Madigan
Not much. Nobody seems to care about the six race.
Pat Novak
I care about it.
Jocko Madigan
That's because you killed one of the jockeys. The rest of the people have a more casual interest.
Pat Novak
How do the odds run?
Jocko Madigan
No heavy favorites. Vin Air and Sleepy Time Gal figured to be the best at around 5 to 1.
Pat Novak
What about fleet lady?
Jocko Madigan
Down the line somewhere. I talked to one fellow. He says she's a dog and couldn't beat a paralytic goose over a hundred yards.
Pat Novak
Yeah, what else?
Jocko Madigan
That's all.
Pat Novak
What do you mean, that's all? Start digging, Jocko. We're not getting any place.
Jocko Madigan
Not even at your end, huh? I counted on you to do better than that. Right, lover?
Pat Novak
On the way home, I bought the morning papers. There was a story on Jackie Greg. No details. Most of the story was a statement by Hellman. On Hellman. There was no mention of Flea Lady. And at one o' clock in the morning there was nothing I could do but roll into bed. I woke up about nine and called Jocko. It was like sending a message out to the Farallones by Indian Runner. He just muttered and said he'd meet me out at the track. I had to have some more dope, so I called Ira Snow. He calls the races and bets on them. The way he does it, a horse is a real beast of burden. He was playing elf when I got him on the wire. Yeah, Ira, this is Novak. What do you know about the Bonanza Handicap?
Inspector Hellman
It's a horse race.
Pat Novak
Oh, you're funny. What about the field? Are the horses any good? For hamburgers, maybe. Nothing else. How about Fleet Lady?
Jocko Madigan
Eastern track?
Pat Novak
Nobody knows. Would she be worth a heavy plunge? If you want to be a monk. What's this all about, Ira? I'm in trouble. How about a fix? Could they run in a ringer on Fleet Lady? It's been done before, but it ain't easy. That's what I figured. How's Rudy Howser on horses?
Jocko Madigan
He ain't.
Pat Novak
He got burned a long time ago.
Inspector Hellman
He never bets.
Pat Novak
I think you're wrong. Look, Novak, I know every guy in town that's got the itch. Rudy Howser? No. You know a guy named Ronnie Stark?
Jocko Madigan
Sure.
Pat Novak
Runs a book. Why? Nothing. I may see you at the track. I'm gonna make a bet. Yeah, I'll tell the horses.
Well, that left me in a hole. If Ira was right, Rudy Hauser on Fleet lady didn't make a bit of sense. I got out to the track about 2:30. Jocko was there and Hellman was wandering around up in the grandstand where they couldn't push him into a starting gate. Sybil Thornton waved from her box as I moved over to get a better shot at the starting line for the sixth. They were almost at the post when Jocko came back from the bedding window.
Jocko Madigan
Well, Patsy, I bet $2 on a horse called Scotch Victory. It seemed like a good omen.
Pat Novak
Yeah.
Jocko Madigan
I saw your friend Rudy Hauser at the window. He was pouring money down on the favorites to win.
Pat Novak
That's why the odds have gone down on Vin Air and Sleepy Time Gal. Look at that board.
Jocko Madigan
Yes, Fleet Lady's gone all the way up to 12 to 1.
Pat Novak
Yeah, from 8 to 1 all the way up.
Jocko Madigan
Maybe the word got around. She's dead now.
Pat Novak
That. That's the funny part. She's down there. Number three on the rail, see? Not a peep out of anybody.
Hot Weather is going to the front by one length. Sleepy Time Gal by ahead. Fleet lady, between horses, is running third by one length. On the outside, it's Thin Air and All Soldier by two lengths. Going into the clubhouse turn, it's Hot.
Inspector Hellman
Weather by two lengths. Sleepy Time Gal by a half length.
Pat Novak
Fleet lady is moving up. On the outside, it's Thin Air, fourth by one length.
Jocko Madigan
Fleet lady runs well for a ghost. Yeah, Rudy, how's it? Better hurry or he won't see much, huh? He better hurry. He left the track 10 minutes ago.
Pat Novak
Are you sure, Jocko?
Jocko Madigan
Yes. I heard him tell someone he had to make a phone call just before the betting closed.
Pat Novak
Well, Jocko, you're a sweetheart.
Jocko Madigan
I like.
Pat Novak
Let's go to the stable.
Jocko Madigan
Well, the race isn't over.
Pat Novak
It was over five minutes ago.
Jocko Madigan
How about my $2?
Pat Novak
Come on, will you? There's only one person who won't try to fix a horse race. That's a horse.
I knew there was going to be trouble fast. The horses were just coming under the wire when I waved to Hellman and started for the stable. When we got there, Sybil Thornton was clearing out like a fire sale.
Sybil Thornton
I'm in a hurry, Patsy, darling, let me buy.
Pat Novak
Oh, you made a bad play, Angel. Stick around.
Sybil Thornton
Let me buy, Patsy.
Pat Novak
You heard him, Lady.
Rudy Hauser
Stick around. Thanks, Copper. I'll take charge.
Pat Novak
That's a big gun.
Rudy Hauser
How's it I got up big, deep. You let me drop a hundred grand.
Sybil Thornton
Siblings your idea.
Rudy Hauser
Rudy, not this way. You let me drop a hundred grand because you ran Fleet Lady.
Sybil Thornton
Program said Fleet lady, and that's who ran.
Rudy Hauser
I brought those odds into line at the window. My other 80 looked bad on Fleet Lady. You didn't stay to watch a trail the field.
Sybil Thornton
All right, I didn't stay. You lost your hundred grand. You killed the ringer. You were a smart big shot. Who was gonna sew up the race?
Rudy Hauser
Durand, Fleet lady and cost me a hundred grand. All right, copper, move away from her. Over this way.
Inspector Hellman
Sybil.
Sybil Thornton
No. Don't let him do it, Patsy.
Pat Novak
I want to see how tough you are.
Rudy Hauser
Come on, Civil. Let Shoe and me move over against the stall.
Pat Novak
Watch out, Howser. You're backing into the horse.
Inspector Hellman
Grab the horse, Novak. He's gonna trample him.
Pat Novak
You grab him. It's your idea.
Sybil Thornton
Is he dead?
Pat Novak
Yeah.
Should have learned the first time you can't beat the horses.
Rudy Hauser
That's a bum joke.
Inspector Hellman
Novak.
Pat Novak
I guess it is.
Inspector Hellman
Now that we're all here, who do we book for Jackie Gregg's murder? I'll answer that one, friend. Who's this guy?
Pat Novak
One. You missed, Hellman. Hello, Stark.
Inspector Hellman
I ain't Novak now. What are you waiting for? Civil? Tell the man you killed Jackie.
Narrator/Announcer
Greg.
Sybil Thornton
I've had enough trouble today.
Inspector Hellman
Ronnie, you got more coming. You figured it out yet, Novak?
Pat Novak
Hauser dumped his 80 grand on you.
Inspector Hellman
That's right. It's a lot of spending money.
Sybil Thornton
Wait a minute, Ronnie. I don't like this.
Inspector Hellman
You get your half, baby. I'm gonna write out an iou. And when they book you for murder and the vote's in, you can't use it.
Sybil Thornton
Who wouldn't do a thing like that.
Inspector Hellman
Ronnie, A dead girl can't spend 40 grand. She killed your guy, copper, and tried to palm it off on Novak. I was there, so I'll testify.
Sybil Thornton
Ronnie, you're a no good guy.
Inspector Hellman
Don't be silly. I love justice. A booker for murder, copper. I want to tear up that iou.
Pat Novak
Well, Hellman finally worked it out. Started out as a fixed race. And when they were all through, it was up to the horse. Rudy Hauser put the squeeze on Sybil for some dough. She offered to run a fast ringer in place of Fleet lady so Hauser could pick up a bag full. Rudy just wanted to make sure. So he sent one of his boys around to knock off Fleet Lady. Only the guy killed the ringer instead. That was a break for Sybil. She made a deal with a bookie named Ronnie Stark to take all of Hauser's bets. And guaranteed him that Fleet lady couldn't win because she wasn't that good a horse. It panned out that way. She let Hauser think Fleet lady was dead. He spent 20 grand at the window pushing up the odds on Fleet lady. And dumped another 80 on her to win.
A moving van. It was a phony story Greg used to get me to scare Sybil. He wanted in on the deal. He went back to the stable that night, got in a beef. She killed him. She had him out in her car. When I went to make that phone call. She figured it was a good way to pass the buck.
Well, Hellman asked only one question.
Why would a nice tame horse go crazy and trample a man to death?
Jocko had the answer. The horse that killed Hauser was a filly.
Narrator/Announcer
The Armed Forces Radio Service has just brought you Pat Novak for hire. Starring Jack Webb. Pat Novak is produced by William P. Russo. Jocko Madigan is played by Tudor Owen. Inspector Hellman is played by Raymond Burr. Music was composed and conducted by Basil Adnum. Be with us again next week when over most of these same stations we'll bring you Pat Novak or.
Pat Novak
Sam.
Jocko Madigan
Pac.
Narrator/Announcer
Novak for Hire was previously released by abc, the American Broadcasting Company, for listeners in the United States and rebroadcast for our men and women overseas. This is the United States Armed Forces Radio Service, the voice of information and education.
Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: December 5, 2025
Original Airdate: March 6, 1949
This episode presents the classic noir detective drama Pat Novak for Hire in the story "Fleet Lady." Set against the foggy piers and racetracks of San Francisco, Pat Novak is enlisted by a jittery jockey to find a missing racehorse, only to quickly become embroiled in a tangled web of deception, murder, and fixed gambling. The episode delivers razor-sharp dialogue, tough-as-nails characters, and a twisting mystery in true pulp radio style.
"Fleet Lady" exemplifies Golden Age radio noir, packed with complex characters, fast talk, and a twisting plot set amid petty criminals and shady racetrack dealings. With sardonic narration, memorable supporting players, and a heap of double-crosses, Pat Novak turns the case on its head—proving in classic noir fashion, you can fix a race, but in the end, you can’t beat the horses… or the house.