Transcript
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Now the rest of the story. North American cannibals. North American cannibals? You bet they were. An Indian tribe called the Karankawas used to eat their enemies alive. Their territory extended throughout the lower Gulf plains of southern Texas and northern Mexico. Early Spanish explorers, trembling, told of the Karancawa's cruelty and ferocity and inhumanity related how, when triumphant in war, they slaughtered their enemies elderly and carried off the small children for food. There is much about their cannibal traditions and sadistic ceremonies which I will spare you. But take comfort in this, be you white men or red. The Karankawas are no more. They are utterly extinct. The why they are extinct, that is the rest of the story. At one time, the Karen Kawas comprised a powerful Indian nation. Yet within a century and a half of their first encounter with Europeans, the population had been decimated. And there are a number of reasons. For one, the white man's disease, which their immune systems were unprepared to subdue. Being cannibals, I guess you could call it food poisoning. And of course, considering their uncommon brutality, they were exterminated by white men with great relish and an equally profound sense of justification. Now the year is 1836, and times have changed. The once mighty Karankawa have diminished to a solitary, pathetic, semi nomadic tribe in Texas. Because their numbers are so few, it's no longer possible to make war. And with no enemies to eat, their new diet when they're lucky, is Texas longhorn. They hang out along the Lavaca river near the mouth because a Texan one, Captain Dimmitt, owns a ranch there. And taking pity on what's left of the Karankawas, the captain has permitted them to forage among his vast herd of cattle for food. But as I say, the year is 1836, the year of the Texas Revolution. Now, this is a white man's war to which the Karankawa Indians are at least this far, utterly oblivious. They don't know anything about it. They have no idea what's happened. When they show up at the Dimit ranch one day and find it desert did. The captain, of course, has gone off to fight the Mexicans. The Karen cows don't know this because they've always been treated hospitably there. They head out as usual to round up a few head of cattle for dinner. In fact, they're just helping themselves to some beef when a detachment of Mexican soldiers. Mexican soldiers discovers them. Mexicans now. And they inquire, what are the Indians doing? The Indians say, oh, it's okay. They're friends of Captain Dimitz. Oh. Predictably, upon learning of this American allegiance, the Mexicans open fire. About half the Karankawa are killed, and the rest of them flee with shouts of Viva Mexico echoing in their ears. Oh. Oh. Now they know the password. Viva Mexico. That must be the password. They'll not make the same mistake again, but they'll make another. For shortly thereafter, the survivors, the last of the Karankawa Indians on the entire planet, run into the American Army. Now they're confronted with Yankees. And the Yankees are so incensed by the enthusiastic cries of Viva Mexico among the Indians that they blast away at the Indians, literally blasting them off the face of the earth. Now, history books confirm the Karen Kawas are extinct. Now you know why. Not only were they vicious, but they were dumb. My goodness, they were dumb. Now you know the rest of the story.
