Raising A Husband - 45-11-22

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Raising A Husband - 45-11-22"

Podcast Information

• Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Description: Reliving the Golden Age of Radio with classic radio shows from a time before television. Families gathered around the radio to enjoy popular shows like The Shadow, Abbott & Costello, Amos & Andy, Dragnet, and many more.
• Episode: Raising A Husband - 45-11-22
• Release Date: February 5, 2025

---

Introduction to "Raising a Husband"

In this delightful episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are transported to a lively Thanksgiving party hosted by Irene Beasley and Dwight. The show, titled "Raising a Husband," presents a comedic contest aimed at identifying "America's Best Raised Husband of the Week." Set against the backdrop of a festive Thanksgiving gathering, the hosts engage with four candidates, each vying for the coveted title and the accompanying grand prizes for their wives.

Notable Quote:

• Dwight [00:35]: "Would you like to make the he of the house the perfect helpmate in the home? Then join us as Mutual Presents, Raising a Husband, dedicated to family life and out to find the best raised husbands in America."

Meet the Hosts: Irene Beasley and Dwight

The episode kicks off with Dwight introducing Irene Beasley, whose role as the mistress of ceremonies sets the tone for an evening filled with humor and friendly competition. Irene warmly welcomes the audience, highlighting the Thanksgiving theme and the purpose of the show—to find the best-raised husbands through entertaining challenges and interactions with the candidates.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [01:00]: "Welcome to Raising a Husband. It's a Thanksgiving party here tonight as once again father tries his skill in mother's world."

Contestant Introduction

Four candidates are introduced, each representing different stages of marital bliss and experience:

1. Reese H. Sterman: A seasoned husband celebrating five years of marriage.
2. Mr. Tilly: A newlywed married for two days.
3. Mr. Cosman: A husband whose spouse is about to return from overseas.
4. Mr. Hartstein: The final contestant, a father of eleven Thanksgivings.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [01:41]: "Judging our contest are Mr. and Mrs. Leonard Cordays, married 51 years; Lieutenant and Mrs. John Corback, married two days; and our guest wife, Mrs. Donald Herschel, whose husband will soon return from overseas."

Contestant Challenges and Interactions

1. Reese H. Sterman: The Grasper of Opportunity

Reese engages in a playful challenge involving an apple hanging from a tree. He is tasked with eating the apple down to the core without using his hands while singing a modern tune he connects to Adam and Eve.

Notable Quotes:

• Irene Beasley [02:24]: "Reese H. Sterman."
• Reese H. Sterman [03:01]: "White meat."
• Irene Beasley [04:35]: "What is it?"
• Reese H. Sterman [04:37]: "Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you."

Reese successfully completes the challenge, demonstrating his ability to grasp opportunities, earning him applause and a ten-dollar bill surprise hidden in the apple.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [06:47]: "Mr. Sterman, as the well-raised husband, you have certainly proven yourself a very good fellow, a wonderful guest, and a grasper of opportunity."

2. Mr. Tilly: The Master of Sewing and Emergencies

Mr. Tilly showcases his sewing skills by patching a tear in another contestant’s trousers within a limited time. The challenge highlights his ability to handle emergencies and his proficiency with household tasks like sewing buttons and using various pins.

Notable Quotes:

• Irene Beasley [08:10]: "Mr. Tilly, you better just go right over there and get Mr. Strauss into position so you can sew that patch on his trousers."
• Roger Strauss [10:30]: "Hey, can this guy really sew?"
• Irene Beasley [11:40]: "Mr. Tilly is the well-raised husband. You certainly are an excellent seamstress and a handler of emergencies."

Despite some humorous setbacks, Mr. Tilly successfully patches the trousers, earning a fitted sewing table as recognition of his skills.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [12:16]: "A hostess server for hot or cold drinks, a hand-polished lemonwood salad bowl with fork and spoon to match..."

3. Mr. Cosman: The Morning Milkman

Mr. Cosman takes on the role of bringing in the morning milk, an amusing twist that involves interacting with a live goat named Blossom. This challenge tests his adaptability and willingness to engage in traditional household roles.

Notable Quotes:

• Irene Beasley [14:43]: "Mr. Cosman, here's raising a husband's candidate number three, Mr. Cosman of Akron, Ohio."
• Mr. Cosman [17:10]: "I don't know anything about them."
• Irene Beasley [17:55]: "We accept this bottle of fresh milk as evidence that you bring in the morning supplies."

Mr. Cosman's successful interaction with Blossom the goat and his collection of morning milk earns him a gift basket of assorted cheeses as a souvenir.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [24:55]: "We accept this bottle of fresh milk as evidence that you bring in the morning supplies."

4. Mr. Hartstein: The Gracious Host

Mr. Hartstein exemplifies hospitality by taking on the role of the host during the party. He participates in hosting duties, including sharing jokes and identifying Thanksgiving tunes, demonstrating his social skills and commitment to making guests feel welcome.

Notable Quotes:

• Irene Beasley [19:49]: "Should the well-raised husband be a good host at a party?"
• Mr. Hartstein [22:19]: "Harvest moon."
• Irene Beasley [21:05]: "Mr. Hartstein, you certainly are the gracious host."

Mr. Hartstein's performance as a host, including correctly identifying and singing Thanksgiving songs, earns him a cake set as a token of appreciation.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [23:34]: "Mr. Hartstein is the well-raised husband. You're certainly the gracious host."

Piggy Bank Derby: A Test of Knowledge

The contestants participate in the Piggy Bank Derby, where they answer a historical question about the establishment of Thanksgiving as a national holiday. The question posed is:

"How many years since Thanksgiving was first declared a holiday by presidential proclamation?"

• Reese H. Sterman [26:09]: "I'd say about 20."
• Mr. Tilly [26:22]: "I'd say about 30."
• Mr. Cosman [26:32]: "About 80."
• Mr. Hartstein [26:41]: "82 years."

The correct answer was 81 years since Abraham Lincoln's proclamation in 1863. The closest responses from Mr. Hartstein resulted in a tie, awarding each a piggy bank filled with 511 pennies.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [26:49]: "Thanksgiving, friends, was first declared a holiday 81 years ago in 1863 by proclamation of Abraham Lincoln."

Judgment and Winner Announcement

After evaluating the performances, Irene and Dwight announce the winner of "America's Best Raised Husband of the Week." Reese H. Sterman is declared the winner due to his consistent performance and ability to seize opportunities, earning him a title certificate and a suite of grand prizes for his wife, including a winter rose blanket and kitchen appliances.

Notable Quotes:

• Dwight [28:18]: "Mr. Morris Sterman, our grasper of opportunity is hereby acclaimed. America's best raised husband of the week."
• Irene Beasley [28:28]: "Mr. Sterman, we award you this certificate of title, also a certificate of merit. Mrs. Sterman, we present you with this table of grand prizes."

Closing Remarks and Thanksgiving Sentiments

As the show concludes, Irene shares a heartfelt Thanksgiving thought set to music, encouraging listeners to join in the sentiment. The hosts extend their gratitude to the contestants, judges, and audience, wishing everyone a pleasant Thanksgiving holiday.

Notable Quote:

• Irene Beasley [30:55]: "Neighbors, since this is Thanksgiving night, it seems but fitting that we close our broadcast with a Thanksgiving thought. Will you folks in the audience please rise and join me in one of the loveliest thoughts ever set to music."

Conclusion

"Raising A Husband - 45-11-22" blends humor, warmth, and nostalgia, capturing the essence of the Golden Age of Radio. Through engaging challenges and playful interactions, the episode celebrates the ideals of partnership and household harmony, all under the festive umbrella of Thanksgiving. The show's blend of scripted humor and live interactions with contestants offers listeners both entertainment and a charming glimpse into historical family dynamics.

Notable Quote:

• Dwight [31:32]: "This is White Weiss speaking. On behalf of our cast, tonight's candidates and our mistress of ceremonies, Irene, wishing you a pleasant Thanksgiving holiday."

---

Additional Notes:

• Advertisements Skipped: The transcript included promotional segments for Heritage University, Chumba Casino, and Talkspace. As per instructions, these sections are omitted from the summary to maintain focus on the content-rich segments of the show.

• Humorous Elements: The episode leverages humor through situational comedy, such as the sewing challenge mishaps and interactions with the live goat, Blossom. These elements contribute to the lighthearted and entertaining atmosphere of the show.

• Cultural References: The challenges incorporate traditional Thanksgiving elements—such as turkey carving and Thanksgiving tunes—which resonate with the holiday theme and enhance the nostalgic feel of the program.

This episode serves as a charming homage to classic radio entertainment, blending competition with heartfelt Thanksgiving spirit, all while highlighting the humorous facets of marital life.

Transcript

[Heritage University Representative]

When you start your college career at Heritage University, you're opening the door to something big. To a world of new experiences. To personal growth and academic discovery. To friendships that will last your entire life. And the future you've always dreamed of. You're opening the door to your best life. And the best part is, it won't stop here. Heritage University Operation Best Life. Learn more at Heritage. Edu BestLife.

[Dwight]

Hey, do you know how to raise a husband? Would you like to make the he of the house the perfect helpmate in the home? Then join us as mutual presents. Raising a husband dedicated to family life and out to find the best raised husbands in America.

[Irene Beasley]

What's the matter with father?

[Dwight]

Here to ask the whys and wherefores is that lovable, that laughable mistress of ceremonies, Ivory Beasley.

[Irene Beasley]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Dwight least. And hello there, everybody. Welcome to Raising a Husband. It's a Thanksgiving party here tonight as once again father tries his skill in mother's world. And we continue our search for the best raised husbands in America. Acting as our star performers at our party are four heads of the house from the studio audience. Four happy candidates in house dress unrehearsed but ready to demonstrate their wifely training.

[Dwight]

Gonna make them give us a sample?

[Irene Beasley]

Are they gonna give us a sample?

[Dwight]

Gonna make them give out with the answers.

[Irene Beasley]

Are they gonna give out with the answers? And the candidate who prov the best raised husband here tonight wins grand prizes.

[Dwight]

For his wife and for himself the title America's best raised husband of the week.

[Irene Beasley]

Judging our contest are Mr. And Mrs. Leonard Cordays, married 51 years. Lieutenant and Mrs. John Corback, married two days. And our guest wife, Mrs. Donald Herschel, whose husband will soon return from overseas. You got the ice bucket right?

[Dwight]

Right here.

[Irene Beasley]

Is it nice and cold?

[Dwight]

Nice and cold.

[Irene Beasley]

And the cold cloth ready?

[Dwight]

All ready.

[Irene Beasley]

All right then we are prepared. Should any of these handsome housekeepers weaken and faint. So on with the show. Let the fun begin. As we meet raising her husband's candidate number one. Your name, sir?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Reese H. Sterman.

[Irene Beasley]

Let's hear that again, please, sir.

[Reese H. Sterman]

Reese H. Sterman.

[Irene Beasley]

Hello there, Mr. Sturman. You're looking up to snuff tonight. That house dress really becomes you. It gives you that nice broad shouldered. Mr. Sturman, did you have a nice Thanksgiving?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Well, we ate out.

[Irene Beasley]

You ate out? Did you have plenty of dinner?

[Reese H. Sterman]

We had plenty of dinner.

[Irene Beasley]

Who paid the check, you or your wife?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Who always pays?

[Irene Beasley]

Well, now you tell me. Who always pays?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Husband always pays. I paid.

[Irene Beasley]

At your house, the husband always pays. Tell me this, sir. What part of the turkey do you like best?

[Reese H. Sterman]

White meat.

[Irene Beasley]

White meat, huh? What do you do? Eat all the wishbone and give your wife the rudder? Is that the way you do it? Mr. Stairman, how many Thanksgivings have elapsed since you and your wife got married?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Five.

[Irene Beasley]

Five years, huh? During those years you've received a goodly amount of wifely training.

[Reese H. Sterman]

I don't know what you mean by wifely training.

[Irene Beasley]

Has she brought you up to help her with the housework and make things generally easy around the home?

[Reese H. Sterman]

She certainly has.

[Irene Beasley]

That makes it very clear to you, doesn't it? Let's discuss the well raised husband for just a moment. To begin with, do you believe he's a good fellow?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Yeah.

[Irene Beasley]

And he never picks fights with the neighbors.

[Reese H. Sterman]

Oh.

[Irene Beasley]

And he makes it a point to be truthful.

[Reese H. Sterman]

Yeah.

[Irene Beasley]

And he's a well behaved guest at a party.

[Reese H. Sterman]

Yeah.

[Irene Beasley]

And he always grasps opportunity.

[Roger Strauss]

Yeah.

[Irene Beasley]

That he's very certain about. I'm glad you are, sir. Because as you know, we are having a Thanksgiving party here on raising a husband tonight. And as a well raised husband, we are presenting you the opportunity to grasp a nice big souvenir for yourself and your family. Who was the first man to eat an apple? It was a way back, a long time before you can remember.

[Reese H. Sterman]

I don't think the first person to eat an apple was a man. I think it was a woman.

[Irene Beasley]

But she gave him a bite. Who was he? What was his name?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Adam.

[Irene Beasley]

Huh? And if Adam had known present day music, what might he have said to Eve? See if you can identify this. It's fairly recent. You know what it is?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Yeah.

[Irene Beasley]

What is it?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Don't sit under the apple tree.

[Irene Beasley]

That's right. Can you sing a little bit of it for us? Just a tiny little bit? Just a little.

[Reese H. Sterman]

Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but you.

[Irene Beasley]

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. That is very, very nice. You see, tonight we have fixed up an apple tree for you right here on the stage. And suspended. Suspended from the branch of this tree by a string is a large red apple. Now, Mr. Sterman, if you can eat that apple right down to the core without the use of your hands, you'll find a surprise souvenir buried in the center. There's just one thing. We want you to admonish others not to join you under that tree. Now here's a copy of the little song that you just sang. Take it over there and sing the song between the bites of the apple and eat all the apple up before you finish the chorus. All right? So just step right over to the tree. Let's see how good you are at grasping opportunity. Start singing, Mr. Stirman, will you?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Don't sit under the apple.

[Irene Beasley]

Right. Bite the apple. That's it. Good bite. Get a big. Get a good.

[Dwight]

Bite there. That's it. Keep singing.

[Irene Beasley]

Keep singing.

[Dwight]

Don't sit on the.

[Irene Beasley]

Ow.

[Dwight]

Oh, take a good bite. That's it.

[Irene Beasley]

That's it. Get a good bite. You're almost had it then. Come on now.

[Dwight]

A good bite.

[Irene Beasley]

Oh, that's wonderful, sir. Mr. Sturman, as the well raised husband, you have certainly proven yourself a very good fellow, a wonderful guest and a grasper of opportunity. Now here is a knife. Will you carefully cut into the core of that apple and tell us what you find There. That's it, right down the center. Don't cut what's in it. Very carefully. What is it? Open it up, will you please, sir, and just speak right up.

[Reese H. Sterman]

Nice brand new bill with a picture of Hamilton.

[Irene Beasley]

That's right, a nice ten dollar bill. Would you accept that as a souvenir of this occasion along with this gift basket of oranges, bananas, grapes and tangerines for yourself and your family to enjoy? Thank you for being with us and good luck to you later in the show when our judges elect America's best praised husband of this week.

[Dwight]

Grand prizes await the wife of the candidate elected America's best raised husband of the week. And tonight those prizes include a winter rose blanket, 100% wool, a porcelain and chromium isomat for crushing ice cubes, and a carved wood tray with coasters.

[Irene Beasley]

Thank you, Dwight Reese. Now, who's the next gentleman in house dress from husband's row tonight?

[Dwight]

Irene, this is Mr. Tilly. Tonight's candidate number two.

[Irene Beasley]

Hello there, Mr. Tilly. How are you? Welcome. Welcome to our party, sir. That Mother Hubbard that you're wearing, does it make you feel at home?

[Mr. Tilly]

No, it don't.

[Irene Beasley]

It doesn't. It's not a bit like the ones that mother used to wear. No, it's just made specially for you. That dust cap sets a little bit high above the ears there. Is it? Fix it up just a little. That make you feel better? Can you see yourself in a mirror over there? Oh, he can see himself. That's very fine. Are you, Mr. Tilly? Are you ready to compete for the title of America's best raised husband of the week?

[Mr. Tilly]

I am.

[Irene Beasley]

And as such, you would like to win the grand prizes for your wife? You bet, Mr. Tilly. Do you think she's Raised you pretty well.

[Mr. Tilly]

None could be better.

[Irene Beasley]

It couldn't be better, huh? That's one of the things you're thankful for tonight, is that right, sir? And Mr. Tilly, in your household chores you have used quite a number of different kinds of pins. Now, could you name six different kinds of pins? For instance, there's this straight pin that we use to hold things together. Name me five others, Mr. Tilly.

[Mr. Tilly]

A safety pin.

[Irene Beasley]

1.

[Mr. Tilly]

Hairpin.

[Irene Beasley]

2.

[Mr. Tilly]

Hat pin.

[Irene Beasley]

3. What do you hang up the weekly wash with?

[Mr. Tilly]

Clothespin.

[Irene Beasley]

Right. And there's one in the kitchen. Right in the kitchen. It's the peacemaker of the family, Rollington. Rolling pin. That's right, sir. I can see, Mr. Tilly, that you're quite a pin up boy. Have you ever done any sewing?

[Mr. Tilly]

Yes, have done sewing.

[Irene Beasley]

You have? You do agree that the. Well, pardon me, sir. What did you sew?

[Mr. Tilly]

Sewing? Buttons.

[Irene Beasley]

Oh, you sew on buttons? All that sort of thing. Then you do agree that the well raised husband should be equal to an emergency, don't you?

[Mr. Tilly]

Oh, yes, you do.

[Irene Beasley]

You know, we're having our Thanksgiving party here tonight. As you heard us say a minute ago, one of our guests snagged his trousers on the way down to the show. Now, Mr. Tilly, is the well raised husband equal to emergency? We want you to sew a patch on this tear right now. However, you see, time is of the essence on a radio show. So, Mr. Tilly, you'll just have to patch these trousers with the man in them. Now here is a needle and thread right here, Mr. Tilly. Here is a nice red patch. And here is the man with the torn tweeds, Mr. Roger Strauss. Just step in, Mr. Strauss. Mr. Strauss, would you mind telling us how did you tear your trousers on.

[Roger Strauss]

The seat of my car?

[Irene Beasley]

You did. Would you like to have them fixed up right here?

[Roger Strauss]

Well, I'd appreciate it.

[Irene Beasley]

We have an expert seamster here, you know that. All right, Mr. Tilly, you better just go right over there and get Mr. Strauss into position so you can sew that patch on his trousers. I think you better take him right across your knee, Mr. Tilly. I think it would be better. Now, Mr. Tilly. Mr. Tilly, we're going to give you 30 seconds and we want you to count every time you take a stitch. 1, 2, 3, 4. Just count.

[Roger Strauss]

Can this guy really sew?

[Irene Beasley]

Now, what did you say, Mr. Strauss?

[Roger Strauss]

Hey, can this guy really sew?

[Irene Beasley]

That's what we want to find out, Mr. Strauss. Count, Mr. Tilly, how many stitches?

[Mr. Tilly]

Three.

[Irene Beasley]

Three stitches.

[Roger Strauss]

Hey, that one doesn't count. He got skinned.

[Irene Beasley]

Sorry, Mr. Strauss. He'll do better next time. How many you got there, Mr. Tilly?

[Reese H. Sterman]

Fine.

[Roger Strauss]

You ought to practice to be a surgeon.

[Irene Beasley]

Never mind, Mr. Strauss. He's doing very well. How many you got, Mr. Tilly?

[Roger Strauss]

Oh, calling Dr. Tilder.

[Mr. Tilly]

Seven.

[Irene Beasley]

How you doing, mister? How many? Sit. Now. How many you got now, Mr. Tilly?

[Mr. Tilly]

Seven.

[Irene Beasley]

Seven. Are you nearly through?

[Roger Strauss]

My mother told me that the time is almost up.

[Irene Beasley]

You have five seconds to go. You finish it. What did you say, Mr. Strauss?

[Roger Strauss]

Oh, my mother warned me about this.

[Irene Beasley]

Oh, she did? Is he keeping you in stitches?

[Roger Strauss]

Oh, he got me that long ago.

[Irene Beasley]

Are you through, Mr. Tilly? All finished, Mr. Strauss. Are you quite well satisfied?

[Roger Strauss]

Let me out of here.

[Irene Beasley]

All right, you can get up off the man's lap now. Did he do a good job, Mr. Strauss? Let's see. That's right. Thank you. Thank you. It's a very nice job. It's put on there like an expert. Mr. Tilly is the well raised husband. You certainly are an excellent seamstress and a handler of emergencies. As a tribute to your skill, tonight we present you with this fitted sewing table so you can patch up emergencies at home. Good luck to you later in the show when our judges elect America's best praised husband of this week.

[Dwight]

Among grand prizes awaiting the wife of tonight's title winner are a complete bath set of Turkish towels and hand towels to match. A hand polished lemonwood salad bowl with fork and spoon, a heavy Pyrex double boiler convertible into baking dishes.

[Irene Beasley]

Thank you, Dwight. Now, who's the next candidate in line for competition?

[Dwight]

Obiz. Here's raising a husband's candidate. Number three, Mr. Cosman of Akron, Ohio.

[Irene Beasley]

Hello there, Mr. Cosman. Did you say Akron, Ohio?

[Dwight]

Akron, Ohio is right.

[Irene Beasley]

Welcome to New York City. Tiffany. Sir. And welcome to our Thanksgiving party.

[Mr. Tilly]

Thank you.

[Irene Beasley]

Are you feeling as glamorous as you look?

[Mr. Tilly]

I. I doubt it.

[Irene Beasley]

I love the set of that hat. Just turn around, let the folks see that it's one of those down in the front, up in the back little models. Mr. Kazman, you do profess to be the well raised husband, don't you?

[Mr. Tilly]

I am.

[Irene Beasley]

Who carves the turkey at your house?

[Mr. Tilly]

My wife.

[Irene Beasley]

Yeah, Wife carves. She does. Why do you let her do that? Because she does it better.

[Mr. Tilly]

She likes the white meat and I can't find it.

[Irene Beasley]

I very good reason. Mr. Cosman, who sits at the head of your table?

[Mr. Tilly]

Our little girl does.

[Irene Beasley]

Your little girl sits at the head of the table? Well, that is certainly nice. And that certainly Shows that you are the well raised husband to give up your seat to a little girl. Mr. Cosman, how long have you been married?

[Mr. Tilly]

14 years.

[Irene Beasley]

Uh huh. How old is this little girl?

[Mr. Tilly]

About 12.

[Irene Beasley]

She's what? Don't you know about 12?

[Mr. Tilly]

She's 11.

[Irene Beasley]

She's going on 12. Is that it? Who do you. Who does she look like, Mr. Cosm?

[Mr. Tilly]

She looks like my wife.

[Irene Beasley]

She does, huh? You think she's kind of pretty?

[Mr. Tilly]

She is.

[Irene Beasley]

Is she as pretty as she'd be if she looked like you?

[Mr. Tilly]

Why, I don't know about that.

[Irene Beasley]

That kind of put you in the spot there, didn't it? Mr. Cosman, what happens at your house when your wife wants to go visiting and you want to stay home and read? What happens?

[Mr. Tilly]

Well, I have to go with her.

[Irene Beasley]

You do, huh? You truly are well raised. How are you, Mr. Cosman? This will get him. How are you about getting up in the morning? Do you have to be called more than once?

[Mr. Tilly]

No, I don't.

[Irene Beasley]

No sandman coaxing, huh? Who Fixes the breakfast, Mr. Cosman?

[Mr. Tilly]

My wife does.

[Irene Beasley]

You're up first. But she fixes the breakfast. I see. Mr. Cosman is the well raised husband. Do you sometimes bring in the morning milk?

[Mr. Tilly]

I do.

[Irene Beasley]

You know, we're serving milk at our party tonight and it seems only right that you should bring it in just like you do at home. Bring Mr. Cosman a nice large milk pail, will you?

[Dwight]

Here's the pail and thank you.

[Irene Beasley]

Right. And give him a milkmaid stool.

[Dwight]

And here's the stool.

[Irene Beasley]

That's right. Mr. Cosman, have you ever lived on a farm?

[Mr. Tilly]

I have.

[Irene Beasley]

You have, huh? Well, you've got the milk pail and the milkmaid stool. Have you ever played the part of a milkmaid?

[Mr. Tilly]

Not the milkmaid, the Milkman.

[Irene Beasley]

Well, tonight, Ms. Cosman, I'd like to ask you something. Can you imitate the milkmaid's call? Go ahead. Let me.

[Mr. Tilly]

Come, boss. Come, boss.

[Irene Beasley]

Well, well, that's on the order of it. Let me hear you call old bossy here, boss. That's very nice. I'll tell you, if you just step over there and give a real loud call, I think it'll be much more accurate. Nice and loud. You know, you sound Very convincing, Mr. Carman. So convincing, in fact, that your call is answered here.

[Ryan]

Hello, it is Ryan. And we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps, you know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'M such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free, anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses. So sign up [e-mail] that's chumbacasino.com sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Talkspace Representative]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void where.

[Irene Beasley]

Prohibited by law 18 + terms and conditions apply.

[Mr. Cosman]

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. You know when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself? Talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace. Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need. With Talkspace you can go online, answer a few questions about your preferences and be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare. You'll meet on your schedule wherever you feel most at ease. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one support, Talkspace is here for you. Plus Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code space80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist. Today at talkspace.com save $80 with code [e-mail] comes the source of the milk supp.

[Irene Beasley]

That's not a cow. That's not a cow. No sir, that is not a cow. It's Mrs. Nanny Goat here in person on the stage to help you bring in the milk for the party.

[Mr. Tilly]

I don't know anything about them.

[Irene Beasley]

You don't? We'll find out whether you do or not. Mr. Cosman, this goat's name. The goat's name is Blossom. Say hello to Blossom, Mr. Cosmos. Hello Blossom. Can you see her? Hasn't she an angelic face? She certainly has, Mr. Cosmopolitan.

[Mr. Tilly]

What's that beard there for?

[Irene Beasley]

I was going to ask you how long you'd say that beard was.

[Mr. Tilly]

Six inches.

[Irene Beasley]

About six inches. She's making. She's making goat's eyes at you. Mr. Cosman, could you make a few goat's eyes back at this Blossom? That's it. Make a few goats eyes at her. Mr. Cosman, did you say you didn't know anything about these little animals?

[Mr. Tilly]

I don't know anything about them.

[Irene Beasley]

Have you ever had any goat's Milk?

[Mr. Tilly]

I don't think I have.

[Irene Beasley]

And Mr. Cosman, that's what we're serving tonight. It's a well raised husband. You gotta bring it in just off stage. Over there is a milking stall all ready for you. And here is a milk bottle to put the milk in when you get it. So off you go, Mr. Cosman. Off you go with Blossom. And we'll be looking forward to plenty of nice milk when time comes to serve party refreshments. We'll expect to see you later as we go along on the program.

[Dwight]

And here, Irene, is Mr. Hartstein, our fourth and final candidate tonight competing for the title of America's best raised husband of the week. May I present Mr. Hartstein.

[Irene Beasley]

Hello there, Mr. Hartstein. A happy Thanksgiving to you, sir.

[Mr. Tilly]

Same to you.

[Irene Beasley]

Did you get nervous waiting for your turn to compete tonight?

[Mr. Tilly]

Well, to a certain extent I did.

[Irene Beasley]

You did, huh? He does look a little pale. Don't you think so, Dyke?

[Dwight]

He sure does. Bees.

[Irene Beasley]

It looks a little bit wan.

[Dwight]

Yeah, I think so.

[Irene Beasley]

And maybe we better revive him a bit. Just bring that ice bucket over here and put a cold cloth on his. We can't have any people fainting up here, you know. Just a little ice there. A little cold cloth on his part. That's it. That's right. There. Just make him feel nice and nice and refreshed. That's it. Little bit. Little bit on the. That's it. A little bit on the back of the neck too, there. Right.

[Dwight]

How do you feel now?

[Irene Beasley]

You feel a little. Feel a little more refreshed there, Mr. Hartstein. All right, that's fine. Now let's ask you if you could.

[Mr. Tilly]

Oh, I feel great. Now.

[Irene Beasley]

You. Do you like that cold cloth? Mr. Harstein, how many Thanksgivings have you spent as a married man?

[Mr. Tilly]

Oh, about 11.

[Irene Beasley]

About 11, huh? Does your wife object to your night out with the boys once in a while?

[Mr. Tilly]

No, she doesn't. Of course I don't get many.

[Irene Beasley]

You don't get many in return. You let your wife have a hen party every so often, is that it?

[Mr. Tilly]

Well, if she'd like to. Whenever she wants to go out, she can go out. But we usually try to go with our daughter wherever we go. Lately we have been going out with her.

[Irene Beasley]

You make it a family party. That's very nice. Are they all here with you tonight?

[Mr. Tilly]

That's right.

[Irene Beasley]

This is a family party. We certainly are glad to have them. Oh, that's wonderful, Mr. Hartstein. Should the well raised husband be a good host at a party?

[Mr. Tilly]

Oh, yes, it's very, very necessary.

[Irene Beasley]

Uh huh. And he should help with the preparations?

[Mr. Tilly]

Well, as much as possible.

[Irene Beasley]

Should he yawn in the face of his guests?

[Mr. Tilly]

No, I don't think that's proper. Of course if he has to yawn, let him faint away.

[Irene Beasley]

Or a lesson in yawning. Here, should the well raised husband laugh at his own joke?

[Mr. Tilly]

Well, today I think it's considered the proper thing.

[Irene Beasley]

The proper thing. And does he laugh at the other fellas? Jokes, mister?

[Mr. Tilly]

All the time.

[Irene Beasley]

All the time. Well I'll tell you. So tonight we want you to play host at our party. And we have a little joke here. We want you to read this little joke to all of our guests. And then laugh according to how funny you think the joke is. Now here's the joke. Will you just read it for us please, Mr. Hartstein? Speak up nice and loud so they can hear you all over the United States. Just turn right around there and read it for the audience. Just nice and loud.

[Mr. Tilly]

I wish I was a wittle egg. High up in a twee. I wish I was a wittle egg. What ness could be Then when anybody would start to yell at me, I'd take my rotten whittle self and spat her over here.

[Irene Beasley]

Is that how funny you think that joke is? Let's hear you laugh again. How funny do you think it is?

[Dwight]

Oh no, I think it's at least this funny.

[Irene Beasley]

Well, I can see, Mr. Hartstein, that you certainly are up on your comedy, sir. Now let's see how well up you are on your music. Now Johnny Gott is going to play a little bit of five different tunes that we think of around Thanksgiving time. As the well raised host at our party tonight. We want you to tell our guests the name of each tune played for their pleasure. Are you ready, Mr. Hartine?

[Mr. Tilly]

I'm ready.

[Irene Beasley]

All right Johnny, give us the first tune, will you? Do you know what it is, sir? What did you have for dinner? Turkey. And where does the turkey live? Where does he make a nest? Turkey in the straw. That's right. That's the first tune. All right, Johnny. The next tune. You know what that is, Mr. Hartstein? Something that's up in the sky. What is up in the sky tonight? What hangs up there besides the stars? Right. And what season of the year is this? What's Thanksgiving? Based on the season of what? Autumn. And Thanksgiving and harvest.

[Mr. Tilly]

Harvest moon.

[Irene Beasley]

Harvest moon, that's right. All right, our next tune please, Johnny. You know what that is, Mr. Harstein? A one, a two, a three. Little Indians. What do you? That's right. Five little, six little. Seven little Indians. What is it, Mr. Harstein? You know what it is.

[Mr. Tilly]

Ten little Indians.

[Irene Beasley]

Ten little Indians. That's right. Now here is a more modern tune, a more recent tune, but see if you recognize it. It was written by Hoagie Carmichael. What is this day?

[Mr. Tilly]

Thanksgiving.

[Irene Beasley]

Thanksgiving. That is the name of that tune. Now, Mr. Hartstein, this is something that we tell. This next tune is something we tell all of our loved ones and friends. Particularly in the wintertime. See if you can name it. Just a little bit of it. Johnny.

[Mr. Tilly]

Button up your overcoat.

[Irene Beasley]

Button up your overcoat. All right now, Mr. Harstein, can you sing just a little bit of that? You have the words of that there for him, Dwight. Thank you. I'll tell you what let's do, Mr. Harstein. Let's sing it together, shall we? All right, let's take it. Ready? Button up your overcoat.

[Mr. Tilly]

When the wind is free. Take good care of yourself.

[Irene Beasley]

You belong to me. Eat it every day.

[Mr. Tilly]

Get away.

[Irene Beasley]

Take good care of yourself. You belong to me. Be careful crossing streets. You'll get a pain and run your tum tum.

[Mr. Tilly]

Keep away from bootleg hooch when you're on a street.

[Irene Beasley]

Take good care of yourself. You belong to me. Mr. Hartstein is the well raised husband. You're certainly the gracious host. Thank you for helping us out. And we want you to have a souvenir of this occasion. So here is a cake set, the cake plate itself, and one half a dozen serving plates for the parties you have at home. Thank you for being with us. And good luck to you later in the show when our judges elect America's best phrased husband of this week. Thank you. How is our candidate doing with that morning milk out there?

[Dwight]

He's got it, Irene. And here he is, bottle of milk in hand.

[Irene Beasley]

Welcome back, sir. Tell me, did you actually milk that goat?

[Mr. Tilly]

We did. I got it the hard way.

[Irene Beasley]

You got it? Did she give you any trouble to blossom?

[Mr. Tilly]

No, she didn't give me any trouble.

[Irene Beasley]

She's a nice little goat.

[Mr. Tilly]

She certainly is.

[Irene Beasley]

Well, sir, we accept this bottle of fresh milk as evidence that you bring in the morning supplies. As a souvenir of the occasion, we want you to accept this gift basket of assorted cheeses. Hickory smoked bell peas, an eight pound guita cheese, a Danish blue cheese crackhauer and gargonzola. Good luck to you later in the show when our judges elect America's best raised husband of the week. Friends, it's time now for raising her husband's piggy bank derby.

[Dwight]

This, friends, is a contest between all our candidates in which they compete for the contents of a piggy bank. The bank bulges tonight, for in it is a bright, shiny penny to represent each and every person in this theater audience. We're going to ask a question and we want you candidates to answer it. Now, here's the question. How many years since Thanksgiving was first declared a holiday by presidential proclamation? The candidate answering nearest the actual number of years wins the piggy bank and its contents for tonight.

[Irene Beasley]

All right, so, Mr. Sturman, candidate number one. You're mighty good at getting apples off a string. Let's see how well informed you are. How many years? Listen to this carefully. How many years since thanksgiving day was first declared a holiday by presidential proclamation?

[Reese H. Sterman]

I'd say about 20.

[Irene Beasley]

About 20 years. Thank you, sir. That's your answer. Candidate number two. Mr. Tilly, you sewed on a beautiful patch and you proved yourself equal to emergency. What's your answer to the piggy bank question? How many years?

[Mr. Tilly]

I'd say about 30.

[Irene Beasley]

You'd say about 30. Candidate number three, you brought in the morning milk. How many years do you say have elapsed since thanksgiving day was first proclaimed a holiday by the president?

[Mr. Tilly]

About 80.

[Irene Beasley]

About 80 years. About 80 years. Candidate number four, you were a perfect host at our party. What is your answer to our question?

[Mr. Tilly]

Well, I think president Lincoln proclaimed it in 1863, making it 82 years.

[Irene Beasley]

Thanksgiving, friends, was first declared a holiday 81 years ago in 181864 by proclamation of Abraham Lincoln. Now, let's see. I believe we have a tie on this piggy bank. That is wonderful. Gentlemen, step forward. Take your piggy bank, break it with the hammer and pocket the pennies. Hit it hard. There you are. You will find in that Piggy bank tonight 511 pennies for you to take home and have fun with. Thank you, gentlemen, for being with us and may you always make such profitable answers. All through the show tonight, friends, our candidates have been competing for the title America's best raised husband of the week and the grand prizes his wife will receive. Judges, you've heard these gentlemen and you've seen them in action. Will you now elect the man for the title?

[Dwight]

Grand prizes awaiting the wife of tonight's winner include a hostess server for hot or cold drinks, a hand polished lemonwood salad bowl with fork and spoon to.

[Irene Beasley]

Match, an automatic isomat for crushing cubes.

[Dwight]

A heavy pyrex double boiler convertible into.

[Irene Beasley]

Baking dishes, a complete bath set with turkish towers and hand towels to match a winter rose blanket. 100% pure wool. These are tonight's grand prizes. The judge's vote, I see, is in. And here is the winner.

[Dwight]

Mr. Morris Sterman, our grasper of opportunity is hereby acclaimed. America's best ranked husband of the week. Mr. Sterman steps the microphone with his wife.

[Irene Beasley]

Mr. Sturman, we award you this certificate of title, also a certificate of merit. Mrs. Sterman, we present you with this table of grand prizes. Take them home with you. And may you and your husband have many more years of fun and happiness together. Neighbors, since this is Thanksgiving night, it seems but fitting that we close our broadcast with a Thanksgiving thought. Will you folks in the audience please rise and join me in one of the loveliest thoughts ever set to music. It goes like this.

[Dwight]

A member of Friends Raising a Husband is presented each week at this same time. Be with us next week now. This is White Weiss speaking. On behalf of our cast, tonight's candidates and our mistress of ceremonies, Irene, wishing you a pleasant Thanksgiving holiday. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.

[Talkspace Representative]

Looking for excitement. Chumba Casino is here. Play anytime. Play anywhere. Play on the train. Play at the store. Play at home. When you're bored, Play today for your chance to win and get daily bonuses when you log in. So what are you waiting for? Don't delay. Chumba Casino is free to play.

[Mr. Hartstein]

Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to play hundreds of games, including online slots, bingo, Slingo and more. Live the chumba [e-mail] VGW Proof no purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18 +.