Screen Guild Theater 42-02-22 Ep105 Love Is News

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio: Screen Guild Theater 42-02-22 Ep105 - "Love Is News"

Overview

In the episode titled "Love Is News," Harold's Old Time Radio transports listeners back to the Golden Age of Radio with a captivating romantic comedy intertwined with journalistic intrigue. Set against the backdrop of wartime America, the story revolves around the lives of Steve Layton, a charismatic reporter; Marty Canavan, his gruff editor; and Tony Gateson, a glamorous heiress whose entanglement with the press sets off a series of humorous misunderstandings and heartfelt reconciliations.

Main Characters

• Steve Layton (Kay Kaiser): A former star reporter of the Daily Express, known for his sharp wit and dedication to uncovering the truth.
• Marty Canavan (James Gleason): The managing editor of the Daily Express, a no-nonsense figure who values integrity in journalism.
• Tony Gateson (Betty Grable): A "Tin Can Heiress" with a penchant for avoiding the limelight, leading to complications with persistent reporters.
• Judge Knockgrass: The quirky and straightforward judge presiding over Steve and Tony's legal troubles.
• Roger Pryor: The host and narrator, setting the scenes and interjecting sponsor messages.

Plot Summary

Introduction and Catalyst

The episode opens with a lively introduction by Roger Pryor (00:53), who sets the stage for the comedic and romantic escapades to follow. The Gulf Screen Guild Theater presents "Love Is News," featuring Betty Grable as Tony Gateson and introducing the main characters.

Steve Layton's Predicament

Steve Layton (00:53) finds himself in a challenging situation, having been the former star reporter at the Daily Express. A conversation with Johnson (03:18) hints at Steve's fragile standing at the newspaper, leading to a humorous exchange about his rumored departure.

Steve Layton (04:03): "Well, slap a saddle on one and trot it in here. French fries and coffee." [03:03]

The Engagement Hoax

A pivotal moment occurs when Tony Gateson arrives at the airport, portrayed by Betty Grable (06:12). Steve, pretending to be from the airline, sweetly manipulates Tony into believing he's her protector from pesky reporters.

Tony Gateson (07:00): "I thought I might lose them this time." [06:18]

However, the ruse backfires when Tony reveals Steve's true identity, leading to public embarrassment and Steve being portrayed as engaged to Tony by the press.

Betty Grable (08:00): "Tony Gateson buys herself a count. Tin can counter says American men are boys. An exclusive interview by Steve Layton." [07:48]

Courtroom Chaos

Steve's fabricated engagement leads to his appearance in court, presided over by the eccentric Judge Knockgrass (15:19). The judge's unconventional methods and humorous demeanor create a chaotic yet entertaining courtroom scene.

Judge Knockgrass (16:00): "Feeling pretty chipper, ain't you? Why not?" [15:33]

Steve's attempts to explain the misunderstanding are futile, resulting in both him and Tony being jailed under absurd charges.

Steve Layton (17:04): "Well, how do you like that, Ms. Gateson?" [17:04]

Jailhouse Revelations and Reconciliation

Inside the jail, Steve and Tony engage in witty banter, gradually uncovering their true feelings amidst the confusion. Their time together leads to a surprising revelation of affection, bridging professional rivalry with personal connection.

Betty Grable (18:10): "Oh, you're so sophisticated. Of course, the biggest reason I like it here is because I'm with a man I love." [17:41]

Resolution and New Beginnings

The climax unfolds with Tony admitting her orchestrated involvement to help Steve regain his position at the Daily Express. Despite initial resentment, Steve acknowledges their genuine feelings, culminating in the cancellation of their engagement thus allowing a harmonious resolution.

Betty Grable (21:10): "After a fashion." [21:09]

Steve Layton (21:24): "Oh, forget it." [21:50]

Finally, Marty Canavan promotes Steve to City Editor, recognizing his talents and mending their professional relationship.

Kay Kaiser (22:45): "I think you're nuts. But you're a lucky boy, Steve. You've got a swell girl and a swell job." [22:53]

Key Scenes and Notable Quotes

1. Steve and Johnson's Banter:

   • Steve Layton (03:03): "Well, slap a saddle on one and trot it in here. French fries and coffee."
   • Johnson (04:02): "Well, Stevie, old boy."

2. Engagement Revelation:

   • Betty Grable (08:00): "Tony Gateson buys herself a count...An exclusive interview by Steve Layton."

3. Courtroom Humor:

   • Judge Knockgrass (16:00): "Feeling pretty chipper, ain't you? Why not?"
   • Steve Layton (17:01): "Hey, Homer."

4. Jailhouse Chemistry:

   • Steve Layton (18:01): "My doctor told me to avoid excitement."
   • Betty Grable (18:06): "Well, call me when he checks a battery."

5. Reconciliation:

   • Steve Layton (21:13): "Something that's done in the best circles. By engaged couples. A little item that Adam and Eve dreamed up known as a kiss."
   • Betty Grable (21:34): "I just want you to know that I came here tonight to apologize for putting you in the freak tent."

6. Promotion and Resolution:

   • Kay Kaiser (23:08): "Yes, my boy. I'm giving you a job."
   • Steve Layton (23:30): "Certainly making it tough for me, Marty."

Conclusion

"Love Is News" masterfully blends humor, romance, and the competitive world of journalism to deliver an engaging and heartwarming narrative. Through witty dialogues and memorable characters, the episode highlights themes of integrity, love, and redemption. The interplay between Steve Layton and Tony Gateson not only provides comedic relief but also underscores the importance of genuine connections amidst professional upheavals. As Steve steps into his new role as City Editor, the episode concludes on a hopeful note, celebrating both personal and professional triumphs.

Closing Remarks

Roger Pryor wraps up the episode with a heartfelt acknowledgment of the cast's performances and a nod to upcoming productions, maintaining the classic radio broadcast charm.

Roger Pryor (29:25): "Don't forget your date for next week to hear the Gulf Screen Guild Theater production of Midnight, starring Joan Bennett and Robert Young." [29:35]

"Love Is News" stands as a testament to the timeless appeal of old-time radio storytelling, offering listeners a delightful escape into a world where love and news intertwine in the most unexpected ways.

Transcript

[Expedia]

Trip Planner by Expedia. You were made to have strong opinions about sand. We were made to help you and your friends find a place on the beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia made to travel.

[Kay Kaiser]

This is Kay Kaiser, James Gleason and Betty Grable.

[Roger Pryor]

Oscar, would you mind having the boys play the other theme? The Gulf Screen Guild Theater presenting tonight Love is News. And here is your host, the director of the Star's Own Theater, Roger Pryor.

[Gulf Oil Representative]

Good evening, everyone. The Gulf oil companies and your neighborhood good Gulf dealer welcome you to the Gulf Screen Gill Theater. Tonight, we're delighted to be able to bring you the 20th Century Fox comedy Love is News, a romantic mix up involving a reporter, an editor and a tin can heiress who looks like Betty Grable. In fact, it is Betty Grable, and with her you'll hear Kate Kaiser and Jimmy Gleason, which adds up to another great Gulf Screen Guild Theater cast. Now we'll meet our stars and hear our story in just a moment. I'd like to ask you, if you remember, friends, how at the beginning of this war, we all heard a lot of talk about how new secret weapons were going to win for the Axis in a hurry. The other day, I was talking to a man who knows about such things. He pointed out something I hadn't thought of before. That is, in modern warfare, no surprise weapon has ever won a complete final victory. Oh, no. To win a war, you must have more weapons and better weapons of every kind. Well, today America's gone all out on the job of building those weapons. And every one of us has a part to play in the great effort. Gulf, for instance, has the job of helping supply the increasing amounts of fuels and lubricants needed by our factories. Gulf also is supplying gasolines and oil for our new planes, tanks and ships. Then finally, Gulf men in all sections of the country are helping supply the trucks that move food and munitions and the cars that carry workers to their jobs. Thus, golf goes about its wartime job, a job golf was prepared to do thanks to planning and research work carried on in times of peace. And now Oscar Bradley's music opens Love is News. You'll hear Kay Kaiser as Steve Layton, reporter, Betty Grable as Tony Gateson, Tin Can Eris, and James Gleason as Marty Canavan, editor.

[Steve Layton]

Hey, Mike, how about a little service here? You want me to starve?

[Kay Kaiser]

Okay, Mr. Layton, what'll it be?

[Steve Layton]

Well, how are your steaks today, Mike? Same as usual?

[Kay Kaiser]

Yes, sir, same as usual.

[Steve Layton]

Well, slap a saddle on one and trot it in here. French fries and coffee.

[Kay Kaiser]

Yes, sir. One Bronco with a sign of free French and a cup of ink.

[Steve Layton]

Meg it black. I want to film a fountain pen.

[Johnson]

Well, well, if it ain't Steve Layton, the former star reporter of the Daily Express.

[Steve Layton]

Hello, Johnson. How are things on that crummy, filthy sheet you work for, Brother, the Globe.

[Johnson]

Might not be a dream paper, but at least we haven't got a managing editor like Marty Cannabis.

[Steve Layton]

Now, just a minute, Johnson. Are you calling my former boss a heel? I am. Have a cigar.

[Johnson]

So you were fired, huh, Steve?

[Steve Layton]

Nope. Gossip. Idle rumor. Why resign? Canavan would turn handsprings to get me back on the Express.

[Kay Kaiser]

You just bet he would, Stevie, old boy.

[Steve Layton]

Canavan?

[Kay Kaiser]

Yep. And put down that sugar ball on that heel. Thanks.

[Johnson]

Well, boys, I'll go over and put a couple of nickels in the pinball machine. Just call me if you want me to hold anybody's coat.

[Kay Kaiser]

Well, Stevie.

[Steve Layton]

Go away, Canavan. Mike's food's tough enough without you around.

[Kay Kaiser]

Now, Stevie, is that any way to talk? After all, I gave you your first job. I've watched you develop into one of the best young reporters in this town. And believe me, Stevie, I'm proud of you.

[Steve Layton]

Canavan, are you sick?

[Kay Kaiser]

Oh, why, we've had some great times together. Remember the time I dressed you up as a chambermaid and you stole the papers out of Senator Randolph's room?

[Steve Layton]

Yeah, and the old potbelly walked in and tried to date me up.

[Kay Kaiser]

And the time I sent you out to tail old Judge Pinkham?

[Steve Layton]

I found him in a taxi with a blind. Yeah, and she turned out to be your wife. Yeah.

[Kay Kaiser]

Yeah, my third wife. What was her name again?

[Steve Layton]

Mrs. Canavan.

[Kay Kaiser]

I knew once we got together, we'd see how silly we were to quarrel. Now, you come back on the paper, won't you, Steve?

[Steve Layton]

You bet I will, Marty, old man. A pig's eye.

[Kay Kaiser]

Oh, no. Wait, Steve. I need you.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah, I figured that out. Why, it wouldn't work for you, Kenneth.

[Kay Kaiser]

If you, Tony Gateson, arrived in town today.

[Steve Layton]

Tony Gateson? The Tin Can Harris?

[Kay Kaiser]

I thought that'd bring out the fire horse in you. He's in a plane right now, about 15 minutes out.

[Steve Layton]

Shh.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Shh.

[Steve Layton]

Johnson's right in back of you playing pinball. Have the other papers got it?

[Kay Kaiser]

No, I got a hot flash from Cleveland Airport. Steve, you got to find out whether she's ditched the count.

[Roger Pryor]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steve Layton]

Say, if I play my cards right, I can scoop every sheet in town.

[Kay Kaiser]

You can beat the other reporters at the airport easily. From then on, you're on your own.

[Steve Layton]

Man, oh, man. The Tin Can Harris and the Count.

[Kay Kaiser]

What a story.

[Steve Layton]

Canavan, you just hired yourself a reporter.

[Kay Kaiser]

Good boy. Get going.

[Steve Layton]

Shh, shh. Not so loud, not so loud.

[Kay Kaiser]

I'll be waiting at the office with a phone in my hand.

[Steve Layton]

Okay, Marty. Hallelujah. Tony Gateson, here I come. What's that? What's that? Johnson just won a free game on the pinball machine. Ah, yes. Right on time. Right on time. Excellent work, pilot. Have a nice trip? Yes, sir.

[Kay Kaiser]

No trouble at all.

[Steve Layton]

Fine, fine. Are you Ms. Gateson, young lady?

[Betty Grable]

No, I'm Ms. Gateson's secretary. I'm Tony Gateson.

[Steve Layton]

Well, Ms. Gateson, I'm sorry to say there's a bunch of reporters waiting outside for you.

[Betty Grable]

Oh, gosh, I thought I might lose them this time.

[Steve Layton]

Now, don't worry. The airline asked me to see that you weren't inconvenienced.

[Betty Grable]

Oh, thank you.

[Steve Layton]

Not at all, not at all. Why? If I may suggest, Ms. Gateson, why not send your friend a phone for a car? Meanwhile, I'll just stay here with you and see that you're not molested.

[Betty Grable]

Well, that's a wonderful idea. I'll go phone your Uncle Cyrus, Ms. Gateson. Thanks, Lois. Oh, I really can't thank you enough, Mr. Mr. Hammerslager. Hammerslager.

[Steve Layton]

I know how you feel about these smart aleck reporters, Miss Gateson. They're always annoying our passengers.

[Betty Grable]

Your company is very thoughtful. Will you have a cigarette, Mr. Hammerslager?

[Steve Layton]

Thanks.

[Betty Grable]

Light?

[Steve Layton]

No. I'm going to put this cigarette in my hope chest as a souvenir of a real live countess.

[Betty Grable]

If that's what you're saving it for. Have a light.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, I see. You mean the count took the count?

[Betty Grable]

Right.

[Steve Layton]

Well, no wonder you're so anxious to escape reporters.

[Betty Grable]

All I ask is a few days to get as much detail between me and His Highness. Then they can print what they please.

[Steve Layton]

They'll say you've gone looking for another count.

[Betty Grable]

Which will be as true as everything else they've printed about me. No, thanks, mister. Not for me. No more phony titles with eyebrows like dollar signs. The next man who slips a ring on this finger will have a good American title like plumber, bricklayer, mortarman, or anything but a reporter.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, you don't like reporters, huh?

[Betty Grable]

I suppose I ought to laugh off stuff like this. Listen to this clipping. Toni Gateson buys herself a count. Tin can counter says American men are boys. An exclusive interview by Steve Layton.

[Steve Layton]

Steve Layton, huh?

[Betty Grable]

Yeah, Steve Layton, gentleman of the press whom I've never even met. Would you enjoy being made a public freak by people like that?

[Steve Layton]

Me? Lady, if I had your dough, they could put a press box at the keyhole of my bedroom door.

[Betty Grable]

Do you mean that?

[Steve Layton]

I don't know. I wish you'd ask your old man to slip me a few million so I could find out.

[Betty Grable]

I'll take it up with him as soon as I see him.

[Steve Layton]

Say, looks out there at that field. Here comes your secretary. And she's collected quite a crowd.

[Betty Grable]

Yes. Who are all those men with her? Uh. Oh, they must be reporters.

[Steve Layton]

Yes, the same thing that occurred to me. Well, you don't need me anymore, Ms. Gateson. I have a phone call to make. So long. All right, make room. Let me through. Gang. Ray, please.

[Betty Grable]

Hey, stop him. Somebody stop him.

[Steve Layton]

Too late.

[Betty Grable]

Now what's happened? Lois? Ms. Gateson, that man, he wasn't from the airline at all. He's a reporter. Mr. Hammerslager. Mr. Hammerslager, he was Steve Layton. Steve Layton.

[Johnson]

How about a statement for the press, Ms. Gateson?

[Betty Grable]

Yes, yes, I'll make a statement. Quiet, please. Ready? Take this down, please. Ms. Antoinette Gateson. Tony to you boys. Takes pleasure in announcing her engagement to Mr. Stephen Layton of the New York Express.

[Steve Layton]

What?

[Betty Grable]

Yes, and as a little engagement gift, I'm settling a million dollars on Stevie.

[Steve Layton]

Holy jump. And Josephine. Where's the telephone?

[Kay Kaiser]

Stevia. Murder. Solid murder. What a story.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah, I bet those chumps are still trying to get a statement out of her.

[Kay Kaiser]

And we had it on the street 10 minutes ago. The tin can heiress Countess ties can on count. Another exclusive interview by Steve Layton.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, it's nothing any red blooded American boy couldn't do.

[Kay Kaiser]

Wait till she finds out you're a reporter.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah. Yes, sir. Boy, will she burn. Here you are, boss.

[Mr. Hammerslager]

Today's Chronicle, Globe and Dispatch.

[Kay Kaiser]

Thanks, Pop. Wait til they get a load of our front page, huh, Stevie?

[Steve Layton]

You said it. Oh.

[Kay Kaiser]

Now let's see what the Globe thinks is news. Tony Gateson too.

[Steve Layton]

Marty. Marty, what is it? Let me see that paper. Toni Gateson to marry reporter Steve. Hey, she can't do this. It's a plot.

[Kay Kaiser]

Marty.

[Steve Layton]

I've been framed. Marty, say something to me. Marty.

[Kay Kaiser]

Steve, this is a funny business, isn't it? The biggest news break in months. Happens to someone on my own staff and every paper in town scoops me.

[Steve Layton]

I know, Marty, but I can explain.

[Kay Kaiser]

Well, but that's the way it goes, I guess.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah. I'm sorry Marty.

[Kay Kaiser]

Sure. I'm sorry. Too old, kid. Now get out of here. You're fired.

[Steve Layton]

But, Marty, wait. Listen to me. I'll make her eat this story.

[Kay Kaiser]

I'll make another dime in this town in the newspaper.

[Steve Layton]

Get out, Marty.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Oh, Mr. Layton.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah?

[Judge Knockgrass]

Well, I just read the news. Congratulations.

[Steve Layton]

Thanks, pal.

[Judge Knockgrass]

I represent the Wilson Marine and Launch Corporation. Would you be interested in buying a yacht? We have a complete range of boats from 35 footers.

[Mr. Hammerslager]

Mr. Layton. We happen to have a very fine Packard in stock and I thought the.

[Steve Layton]

Go away.

[Mr. Hammerslager]

It's right downstairs at the curb, Mr. Layton. Just drive it yourself and see what a bargain it is. I have the keys with me.

[Steve Layton]

I. Wait a minute. I can drive it myself.

[Kay Kaiser]

Oh, you bet.

[Steve Layton]

Give me those keys. I think I'll take a little trip out to the gates in the state, better known as Tin Can Manor, to see your sweetie. Yeah. And I'll stop on the way for a can opener so I can cut her heart out. Oh, Officer? Yeah? Can you tell me how to get to the gates in the state?

[Officer]

Yep, as soon as I get finished with a dam in his car.

[Steve Layton]

Okay, Tony Gates. And so the law finally caught up with you, huh? This I gotta see.

[Betty Grable]

Hello, Steviekins. Have you seen the papers? Yeah, what else is new?

[Steve Layton]

Okay, wise guy.

[Betty Grable]

Your paper got looped, didn't it?

[Steve Layton]

That's scooped.

[Officer]

All right, break it up. I ain't got all day.

[Steve Layton]

What does she do, officer?

[Officer]

85 miles an hour on a county highway, Fail to stop at a red light, pass four cars the wrong side of the road, fail to stop for an office of the law and reckless driving.

[Steve Layton]

Is that all?

[Betty Grable]

I also smuggle dope.

[Steve Layton]

Well, well, won't this make a tasty tidbit for the late additions? Really, Ms. Gates. And I simply must leap into my little packet and scurry off to a telephone I rarely must. Goodbye.

[Betty Grable]

Where did you get a packet?

[Steve Layton]

Oh, there are ways for a smart young man to get a packet. Ta ta, my sweet.

[Betty Grable]

Officer. Officer, ask to see this man's registration. That looks like a stolen car to me.

[Steve Layton]

What?

[Officer]

That. That your car, bud?

[Steve Layton]

Well, no.

[Officer]

Where'd you get it?

[Steve Layton]

I borrowed it.

[Betty Grable]

Ah, that's what he says. If you ask me, this character looks very much like Gearshift Hammerschlager, the well known car thief.

[Officer]

Well, I guess you'd better come along too, young fellow.

[Steve Layton]

What is this anyway? Do you realize that I.

[Betty Grable]

Save your breath, pal. You tell it to me and I'll tell it to the Jud.

[Gulf Oil Representative]

And so ends Act 1 of our Gulf Theater. Production lovers News. While Tony and Steve go to court to explain, here's an important announcement.

[Roger Pryor]

Have you noticed, friends, that since the average motorist just has to use his present car for quite some time, many a family automobile that used to be treated like an orphan now gets the the care of an only child. Care for your car, for your country, has become the guiding principle of millions of Americans. Lots of drivers, for instance, who were satisfied with just any kind of motor oil or grease job now are making sure that they get the very best available. The good golf dealers have noticed it particularly because as a result they're getting plenty of new customers for Gulf Pride Motor Oil and for Gulf Flex Registered Lubrication. Gulf Pride, the world's finest motor oil, helps keep new engines, new and old engines running better, longer then when your car is Gulf flexed. The trained Gulfman protects vital wearing points of your chassis from destructive friction with six scientific lubricants especially developed by golf lubricants that have outperformed competitive greases in laboratory and road tests. So when your car has been Gulf flexed and filled with Golf Pride, you can be sure that both your motor and chassis have the extra safe protection they need. Stop at your neighborhood good golf dealers tomorrow for Gulf Flex Registered Lubrication and Gulf Pride Motor Oil.

[Gulf Oil Representative]

And now on with Love is News, adapted by Frank Galen and Keith Fowler and starring Betty Grable as Tony Gateson, Kate Kaiser as Steve Layton and James Gleason as Marty Canavan. As our scene opens, we find Steve and Tony in the country court of Judge Knockgrass.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Court is now in session. Young woman, I reckon I better collect a fine from you. How much money you got?

[Betty Grable]

But Judge, can't you wait until my lawyer gets here?

[Judge Knockgrass]

Nope. Let you call him. But I ain't waiting. I don't like lawyers around. I run an honest course.

[Steve Layton]

Yes, Judge. The honesty of your court is beyond reproach. You let us make two 10 cent phone calls and only charge us a dollar.

[Judge Knockgrass]

The 80 cents was for tax.

[Steve Layton]

What kind of tax is that?

[Judge Knockgrass]

Well, I ain't give it a name yet, but it'll come to me. Well, let's get along with the finding. I got a date for this afternoon going catfishing.

[Steve Layton]

Catfishing? Do people actually try to catch those silly things?

[Judge Knockgrass]

Feeling pretty chipper, ain't you? Why not?

[Steve Layton]

Henderson Motors. Told you I had permission to drive that packet. I'm in the clear.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Yeah, I reckon that's right, young woman. How big a fine can you afford?

[Betty Grable]

Oh, just let yourself go, Judge. I'll write a check.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Oh, not in this court, you won't. One speeder we caught gave me a check on a bank and it turned out he never had no account there. Who was the scoundrel signed himself Julius Caesar. Man, have you got $25, young woman?

[Steve Layton]

Why, Judge, that's an insult. Ms. Gateson is one of America's richest heiresses.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Oh, she is, huh? Well, make it $50.

[Betty Grable]

Sweet of you to help me, Steve.

[Steve Layton]

Glad to say. You can't shove this girl around, you, Honor. Her father's a big man. Why, he owns a dozen banks, half a dozen railroad companies and has two sets of automobile ties.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Well, well, that's mighty interesting. We'll make it a hundred dollars.

[Steve Layton]

If he hears about this, he could make plenty of trouble for you.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Now you've got me scared, young woman. I ain't gonna find you a single red cent.

[Betty Grable]

Well, well, how do you like that, Mr. Layton?

[Judge Knockgrass]

Instead, I'm gonna throw you in jail for 30 days.

[Steve Layton]

Well, well, how do you like that, Ms. Gateson?

[Judge Knockgrass]

Hey, Homer.

[Steve Layton]

Yep?

[Judge Knockgrass]

Jed, clean out the cell where we've been keeping my horse and put this young woman in it. Okay, Jed, take out the hay in the next one and put this young feller in it.

[Steve Layton]

Hey, wait a minute. I haven't done anything. What are you putting me in jail for?

[Judge Knockgrass]

For laughing at catfish. Now, go on, get going.

[Betty Grable]

Are you there, Stevie?

[Steve Layton]

I'm afraid so.

[Betty Grable]

This is such a charming old jail. It reminds me of an early 18th century castle. Especially the plumbing.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah, great spot. Sort of a poor man's Alcatraz.

[Betty Grable]

Oh, but think of the lovely view we get from our windows. I suppose we both get the same view.

[Steve Layton]

All I can see is a broken down store.

[Betty Grable]

Ah, yes, Albert J. Sneed Hay, Grain and Feed. Oh, it's poetry, darling. Look at it.

[Steve Layton]

You look at it. My doctor told me to avoid excitement.

[Betty Grable]

Oh, you should look now, a farmer is just bringing in his cow to be refueled.

[Steve Layton]

Well, call me when he checks a battery.

[Betty Grable]

Oh, you're so sophisticated. Of course, the biggest reason I like it here is because I'm with a man I love.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, lay off, lay off, will you?

[Betty Grable]

Can't you just see the headlines in the papers? Steviekins goes to jail to be near his Tonykins.

[Steve Layton]

Well, at least you can't do that to me. Not when you're safe in a cell.

[Betty Grable]

Aren't you forgetting that the judge let me out for a little while?

[Steve Layton]

But you. But you said. I mean, you told me.

[Betty Grable]

I know, darling, and I did powder my nose. But I also phoned the Newspaper. Why you all but the Express. Your paper has been pooped again, dear.

[Steve Layton]

That scooped. And of all the low down. Say, I'll get you for this, you guilt edged vampire. I'll tell this cell apart. I'll chew my way through the wall brick by brick. Well here, here, here.

[Judge Knockgrass]

What's all of us? What's going on here?

[Steve Layton]

Judge, did you ever meet a murderer?

[Judge Knockgrass]

No, I can't say as it did.

[Steve Layton]

Well, put me in that cell with her and then come back in 10 minutes and shake hands.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Look here, young fellow, this is a respectable jailhouse. Suppose I did put you in there with her. How do I know you'd murder her?

[Betty Grable]

Judge, you think of everything.

[Judge Knockgrass]

I be dogged if I ain't glad one of you is getting out of here.

[Steve Layton]

Who's getting out?

[Judge Knockgrass]

She is. Lawyer just showed up with one of them habeas corpses. All right, get along now.

[Steve Layton]

Swell. Now I'm beginning to like it here.

[Betty Grable]

Judge, how much is the fine for laughing at catfish?

[Judge Knockgrass]

$50. Mighty fond of them critters.

[Betty Grable]

All right, I'll pay it. Let him out too.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, oh no you don't. I stand on my constitutional rights. I'm staying right here.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Out you go, young feller.

[Steve Layton]

Okay, okay. But you'll get a nasty letter from the Supreme Court about this.

[Betty Grable]

Would you like to come over to my house for tea, Stevien?

[Steve Layton]

No.

[Betty Grable]

Ah, too bad. When will I see you again?

[Steve Layton]

That's easy. You'll see me again when a gentleman with horns and a tail knocks on your door and says Miss Gateson, it's frozen over. Come in.

[Betty Grable]

Hello, Steve. I couldn't wait for it to freeze over.

[Steve Layton]

Look, this is my room. And that ermine wrap you're wearing doesn't match the wallpaper. Things like that upset me.

[Betty Grable]

Well, shall I remove the wrap or will you remove the wallpaper?

[Steve Layton]

Neither. And if you're doing relief work, the slums are two blocks east. Good night.

[Betty Grable]

You'll have to throw me out then.

[Steve Layton]

Sit down. I never wrestle with strangers.

[Betty Grable]

What are you doing? Sewing on a button.

[Steve Layton]

That's right. I gave my valet the evening off. His butler is sick.

[Betty Grable]

Oh, well, let me do it.

[Steve Layton]

Let you do it? You?

[Betty Grable]

Why not? I'm really very good at it.

[Steve Layton]

Okay, go ahead. There's the button and the needle. And you'll find iodine in the bathroom.

[Betty Grable]

I won't need it.

[Steve Layton]

Why, you look domestic. Say, by the way, aren't we still engaged?

[Betty Grable]

After a fashion.

[Steve Layton]

In that case, come here.

[Betty Grable]

What are you going to do?

[Steve Layton]

Something that's done in the best circles. By engaged couples. A little item that Adam and Eve dreamed up known as a kiss. Now, it's not too late to put back out. Are we still engaged?

[Betty Grable]

Yes.

[Kay Kaiser]

Well.

[Betty Grable]

Steve, I'm afraid our engagement can't go on.

[Steve Layton]

I see what you mean.

[Betty Grable]

I just want you to know that I came here tonight to apologize for putting you in the freak tent.

[Steve Layton]

Thanks. Sorry I got my hair in a braid.

[Betty Grable]

That's all right. I'm the one who should be sorry. It wasn't a very good joke. Not ever.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, forget it.

[Betty Grable]

But I feel terrible. You lost your job because I let your paper get drooped.

[Steve Layton]

That's scooped honey. And don't worry. I'll find something.

[Betty Grable]

Well, I suppose I'd better be going.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah, I think you'd better.

[Betty Grable]

Here, I finished sewing your button. Good job.

[Steve Layton]

Great. Couldn't have done it better myself.

[Betty Grable]

I'm glad you like it. Now you better put them back on before you catch cold.

[Steve Layton]

Put what back? On?

[Betty Grable]

Your pants. Good night, Steve.

[Steve Layton]

Holy mackerel. I forgot what she was sewing the button on. Just cast your eyes on this button, Canavan. Did you ever see any better sewing?

[Kay Kaiser]

Now, listen, Steve.

[Steve Layton]

Look. The thread goes right through the holes. Steve.

[Kay Kaiser]

Oh, Steve, will you forget the button and listen. I've got a surprise.

[Steve Layton]

And she never stuck herself once. What do you think of that?

[Kay Kaiser]

I think you're nuts. But you're a lucky boy, Steve. You've got a swell girl and a swell job.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, you're darn right. I got a swell girl. And you're darn right I got a swell. Huh? What job?

[Kay Kaiser]

City editor. Findlay quit and you're taking over.

[Steve Layton]

Is this on the level?

[Kay Kaiser]

My word of honor.

[Steve Layton]

Nuts to that. Is it on the level?

[Kay Kaiser]

Yes, my boy. I'm giving you a job. Take a look at the door of Findlay's office. Go on, read it.

[Steve Layton]

Stephen Layton, City editor. Say, this isn't like you, Canavan. Your mother's the only person you ever gave anything to, and that was a hot foot.

[Kay Kaiser]

Oh, cut it out, Steve. I know you've got the stuff. That gates and thing was just a bump break.

[Steve Layton]

Certainly making it tough for me, Marty.

[Roger Pryor]

Tough?

[Steve Layton]

Yeah. Now I gotta convince myself you're not a heel.

[Kay Kaiser]

Always kidding, huh, Steve? Well, go on in and get acquainted with the furniture.

[Steve Layton]

Okay. And I will try to convince myself. Marty, he's not a heel. He's not a heel. He's not a heel.

[Kay Kaiser]

Fine talk, me giving my mother a hot foot. I'll bet you jumped three feet.

[Betty Grable]

Where is he? Ms. Hannevan?

[Kay Kaiser]

He went in the office there. Ms. Gateson.

[Betty Grable]

Thanks. Congratulations, Mr. Layton.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, hello. How'd you get in here?

[Betty Grable]

Sneaked in. I wanted to be the first to wish you luck on the new job. Like the flowers on your desk?

[Steve Layton]

Why, sure. I. Say, wait a minute.

[Betty Grable]

What's wrong?

[Steve Layton]

There's a peculiar smell in the air. Just how did you find out about this job so fast? Well, I. I knew it. You cooked it up yourself.

[Betty Grable]

Well, why not? After all, it's my fault you were fired and. And my father happens to own stock in the paper. And I told him how clever you were, and he said, that's enough.

[Steve Layton]

The deal's off, Tony.

[Betty Grable]

Oh, but, Steve.

[Steve Layton]

Skip it. Nobody can buy me a job.

[Betty Grable]

Please, Steve. I was only trying to put things straight again.

[Steve Layton]

Did I do it wrong in a big way? Just because your old man's a millionaire, you think you can buy anything in the world. Well, I'm not for sale, see? And my career isn't for sale either. From now on, just forget you ever met me. Goodbye, and good luck with your next train. Seal.

[Betty Grable]

Steve.

[Steve Layton]

Our engagement's off. Here, take back your old butt. Well, drink up, Johnson.

[Johnson]

Sort of crowding it, aren't you, kid?

[Steve Layton]

Oh, just a sentimental gesture. Celebrating the story of my life with 25 drinks.

[Johnson]

Okay. Two more beers, Mike.

[Steve Layton]

Yes, sir. For 25 years, I was a clown for two minutes. City edifice. Now I'm back to normal. Fascinating, ain't it?

[Betty Grable]

Oh, Steve.

[Steve Layton]

Go away. Tony.

[Betty Grable]

They told me I'd find you here. Won't I?

[Steve Layton]

Say, aren't you Tony Gateson?

[Betty Grable]

Yes, Steve, All I ask is that you just.

[Steve Layton]

Hey, fellas, look who's here.

[Johnson]

Tony Gateson, the answer to Morgan Thor's prayer.

[Judge Knockgrass]

Any statement, Ms. Gateson?

[Johnson]

What's new?

[Steve Layton]

How about you?

[Betty Grable]

Sorry, boys. Sorry, boys. I didn't come here to give an interview. I came here to get one with Mr. Layton. And I may need your help.

[Steve Layton]

This place is getting too ritzy. I think I'll try the free lunch at the Stalk place.

[Betty Grable]

Hold him, boys.

[Steve Layton]

Hey, what is this?

[Betty Grable]

Mr. Layton, I'd like to ask you a few questions.

[Steve Layton]

Go on. Me? You mugs.

[Betty Grable]

Don't you think Tony Gateson is a human being?

[Steve Layton]

Ganging up on me, huh?

[Betty Grable]

Why don't you treat her like one.

[Steve Layton]

Fine bunch of friends?

[Betty Grable]

When are you going to act human yourself?

[Steve Layton]

This third degree isn't legal.

[Betty Grable]

When are you going to forget her money? Is it her fault she's rich?

[Steve Layton]

Maybe not.

[Betty Grable]

When did you first realize that you loved her?

[Steve Layton]

When the judge put us in.

[Betty Grable]

Nevermind do you remember the time you kissed her?

[Steve Layton]

Take it easy. We're surrounded.

[Betty Grable]

When are you going to kiss her again?

[Steve Layton]

Now. Tony, please.

[Betty Grable]

When are you going to kiss her again?

[Steve Layton]

Right now.

[Betty Grable]

Just one more question, Mr. Layton. Will you marry her?

[Steve Layton]

Yes. You got another kiss of the same voltage.

[Betty Grable]

Plenty of them. But those reporters are phoning the story in. Your paper will be whooped again.

[Steve Layton]

That's scooped, and who cares?

[Gulf Oil Representative]

Now, congratulations to Betty Grable, Kate Kaiser and Jimmy Gleason for their delightful performances in Lovers News. And our thanks to them for donating their appearances on this program so that Gulf could give the money they would ordinarily receive to the Motion Picture Relief Fund. And now, before we say good night, we have one more little scene to bring you. Canavan has called Steve into his office to give him an assignment.

[Kay Kaiser]

Great story for you to write, Steve.

[Steve Layton]

What's it about, Marty?

[Kay Kaiser]

The Gulf School. They're presenting one of the top comedies of the season next week.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah, what is it?

[Kay Kaiser]

Hold on to yourself now.

[Steve Layton]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kay Kaiser]

It's the Paramount hit comedy Midnight.

[Steve Layton]

Oh, boy. Yeah.

[Kay Kaiser]

And it stars. Get this now. Yeah, it stars Joan Bennett and Robert Young.

[Steve Layton]

Wow, what a story. Look out, students. Leave me to typewriter. Quick. Wait till our readers hear about this.

[Gulf Oil Representative]

And if you think Kate Kuyz is excited, friends, you should see us because we really think we've got a delightful show in store for you for next week.

[Steve Layton]

Week.

[Gulf Oil Representative]

Oscar Bradley's already working on the score, and we're planning a fine Sunday evening for you with Joan Bennett and Bob Young in Midnight. Be with us, won't you? Here's a little item we wish newspapers in Berlin and Tokyo would copy. Every day, more and more American companies are making it easier for their employers to buy United States defense bonds through the voluntary payroll deduction plan. Among the first, we're proud to say, were the Gulf companies who rushed a truck through to Washington, especially to get the necessary forms and papers as quickly as possible. If your company has a voluntary payroll deduction plan, be sure to take advantage of it. Then you can contribute regularly to an American victory by buying defense bonds and stamps. Until next week, then. This is Roger Pryor speaking for your neighborhood good golf dealer and saying good night, everyone.

[Roger Pryor]

Don't forget your date for next week to hear the Gulf Screen Guild Theater production of Midnight, starring Joan Bennett and Robert Young. Bud Easton speaking.

[Steve Layton]

Just a minute. Just a minute. Dean Easton. I got something to say to our listeners. Chilling. You suspected it for a long time now, and I want to tell you it's really true. No, it can't be denied. It's an absolute fact. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.