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Alibi Ike belongs to the ages now, like Babbitt and Steve Brody and Annie Oakley, because he too gave his name to a type, to an act and to a tradition. Everett Sloan brings him to life at our microphone tonight. And we go back to 1917 to recreate the games and times of the Chicago White Sox, the guys and dolls and their whole daffy wonderful. From studio one, cbs presents alibi ike by ring lardner. Hey, Carrie, come on. We need you to sing first. Can't you wait till I vet? Ain't you had nothing to eat all winter? We need you on Moonlight Bay. Ah, keep your shirt on. How's the old super lefty? Give it a good rest. How's the missus? She can't complain none. Amy and her spent the winter with her folks. Mind if I sit down? Camp, huh? Oh, Ring Lardner. Howdy. Sure, sit down. When'd you get in? Afternoon. Train gonna be with us all season? Ah, looks that way. Glad to have you. Yeah. Want my cup of javas? The girl bring it to me without asking. Oh, thanks. Well, how do things look for this season, Cap? Ask me that about the 4th of July, huh? I thought you newspaper boys got that all decided anyhow. Well, we have to write about something during the winter. How about a statement for my first office? Sorry, Cap. Use the same one as last year. You ought to know that tune pretty good by now. Yeah, I do. Cap Hackett, White Sox manager, predicted at the opening of spring training at Tampa today that the Sox will finish well up in the first division if the pitching hole's up. Don't forget to give me my out. No, I won't. Who. Who's the long drink of water at the end of the table? One of the rookies? Yep. Name of Farrell. Oh, the outfielder from the Central League. That's him. Look at him stow away the grub. They mustn't feed him so good in that league. I understand he takes a good, healthy cut at the ball. Yeah. What did he hit last season, by the way? Ask him. He'll enjoy telling you. I will see at the field tomorrow, Cap. And thanks for the coffee. Glad you're going to be with us, Lodger. Is it all right with you if I sit here? Oh, sure, Go right ahead. Say, excuse me if I go on eating. I don't usually eat so much. Only my doc told me I needed starch. Lots of starch he needs Here. Onions. You're Farrell? Yeah. Frank xpal. I'm Lardner with the Tribune. Oh, I'm pleased to make your acquaintanceship. Oh, excuse my left hand. My right. And I kind of have to favor on account I nearly broke it. Last or last season? Isn't that gonna hurt your hitting might? I only hit.356 last season because of it. Oh, you'll take care of that hand, then? You no telling what you'll do with a good hand. You're pretty young to be up in the big show as it is. Oh, I'd have been up last season if I wasn't bent over double season before last with lumbago. Oh, What'd you hit that season? I only hit.392. That's not so bad. No? No. Considering the lumbago and the dead ball I was using in the league, it wasn't so bad. Or excuse me for not offering you a cigar. That's all right. I don't use them. I would. Only these here is a special brand that I have to order from Yuma, Wyoming, and I'm running short. My doc says they're the right kind for me. Hey, are you Farrell? Are you speaking to me? Yeah. Can you sing? Well, I ain't exactly as good as Caruso, but the gals back home used to say I was nearly as good as John McCormick. Why don't you join us in a little close harmony? Eyes. And then. Well, golly, now, I'd sure like to, but I just got over a bad cold and the doc says it'd ruin my voice if I sing right away. Hey, where you going, lefty? You ain't gonna get up no quartet tonight, Art. Besides, we'll have to be going over to the park pretty soon, huh? What are you talking about? You know. Oh, oh, yeah, sure, sure. I remember howdy Ring. How's your boy? Can't complain. How's your arm? I guess I'll be pitching my regular turn. I see you already meet up with my roomie. Yeah, just talking to him. You were rooming together this year, huh? Looks that way. By the way, Farrell, did Cap tell you about it? About what? Oh, that's right. He asked me to tell you. He wants you to go down to the field and get the key to the pitcher's box and have it open so it should be ready for the secret batting practice tonight. Huh? Secret batten practice tonight. Oh, it's okay for Ring here to know about it? It's just secret from outsiders. Like scouts from other clubs. A Ring knows about it. Don't you, Ring? Sure. How you gonna hit in the dark? There's a moon out tonight. And besides, they paint the ball with a luminous paint. Gosh, I never hear about anything like that. What's the matter? Can't you hit at night? Oh, sure, I can hit if my eyes don't go back on me. I got my eyeballs sunburned playing sunfield last season, but they're probably better by now. I never hear nobody getting their eyeballs sunburned while it happened. Well, get a move on. Cap wants you to have the pitcher Spock open by the time the rest of us get there. Oh, sure, right away. Right away. Say, what time does secret batting practice begin? 10:30. Okay, then, I'll see you. I hope my heel don't give me no trouble and throw me off in my head. What's wrong with your heel? Oh, I got a stone in my shoe today and it bruised my heel. Quite a guy. Can he play ball? I don't know. But if he can play as well as he can alibi, he's gonna set the league on fire. Can you imagine a goofer going for no joke like that? Yeah, yeah, that goofer. I can't. Hello? Hello. Are you the manager of the White Sox baseball team? Yeah, that's me. This is Sergeant Lopez of the police. Huh? Sergeant Lopez, Police? Sorry to bother you, but we picked up a fella breaking in the locker room at the ballpark. Uh huh. He don't look like any ball player, but he says he's on your team. What's his name? He says it's Frank X. Farrell. Frank X. Farrell? Put him on. He is on your team. What of it? I guess you got some numbskulls on your police force. Put him on. Just a second. He wants to talk to you. Ah, hearty Cap. Excuse Me for having to disturb you like this. But the policeman didn't know nothing about it. Didn't know nothing about what? The practice. Oh, you know, the secret baton practice. The secret baton practice? The one tonight. You. You ass. Left. I'm here with spinquest where you can play and win from the comfort of your own home with hundreds of slot games and all of the table games you love with real cash prizes. Right now, $30 coin packs are on sale for $10. For new users it's all@spinquest.com that's S P I N Q U-E-S-T.com Spinquest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift. And you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. You fathead. You numbskull. You bonehead. Well, say something. Well? Well, of course I know Lusty was playing a joke on me. But I done it so's I could give he and the fellas a good laugh. Oh sure, You don't have to act like you were sleeping. I seen the light under the door before I opened the door. Lefty, how was your hitting eye tonight? Hope your eyeballs didn't get moonbind. Oh, I wasn't took in none by that old joke. No? Is that why you go to the ballpark and get your skin caught by a cop? Wow, I thought that'd give you boys all a good laugh. That's why you done it, huh? You wasn't took in none. You just wanted to make everybody happy. I guess I know old joke when I hear one. And something must have been a matter with your ears. Is that why you only hit 412 last year? And a kind of ears, my ears are as good as yours. Ah, turn out the light and go to sleep. What you looking at that's so interesting? You last few seasons I read in the papers about Lefty Fisher and how he wins a game now and then. Now and then? I won 20 last year. Well, leave me finish. Leave me finish. And I say to myself, he's most likely a good guy, even if he is a Left hander. Ah, get some sleep, you bushy. You'll need it. But I ought to know that there ain't no left handers that isn't crazy. Especially left handed pitchers. I'm going to sleep. I don't care what you do. You can stay up all night shooting your mouth. Oh, I just want to let you know I was willing to be friends with you. Ah, dry up and blow away. I wouldn't bother making friends with you on a counter. By the first of June you'll be back with the three eye league where you come from. It wasn't a 3i league, it was the Central League. And you're just lucky you're on the same team with me because I. I can hit a left hander like you anytime I want. And my eyes closed. That's the only way you could hit me. Well, you'll see. Carrie says we're through loosening up now. And tomorrow we start batting and feeling practice. Didn't you start tonight? Yeah. Then you'll see a real player. You mean Cobs joining us from Detroit? No, no, I'm talking about me. You'll see something tomorrow if my heel ain't bothering. That'll do it. Call him in, Smitty. Me too, Cap. Yeah, you can get out of your rig and hit a few. Get out behind the bat. Graham, you warmed up? Lifty ain't. I've been out there for two hours. I may get a lot better this season, but I ain't going to get no warmer. Get out and toss up a few then. But don't throw your arm away. I want to see how these boys swing. Mac, Kane. Hey, you guys go out deep and let's see a little hustle out there. Just slap him over, lefty. I don't want nobody to get beamed the first day out. You don't mind if I bear down on Mr. Frank X style, do you, Cap? He's been talking all over everywhere about how he can hit left handers all over the lot. He needs to get took down a notch. Well, don't break your back trying to make him look silly. I don't have to. How does Smitty stuff look from behind a plate, Carrie? All right, for the first sake. I say, what do you think of Alibi Ike? Alibi who? Alibi Ike? This here Frank X Farrell out in the outfield. You saw how he took the long when he had to run back for him. He covers the field all right if we don't have to get somebody to show him where right field Is every inning. And if he can hit Alibi Ike, that's a good name for him. Let's just hope he can hit half as good as he can apologize. Get up there and hit a few, Wade. Sure, Cab. Him and Lefty has soared each another already. About last night. They deserve each other. Here comes your alibi Ike. Don't write him too hard. Nice catch out there, Ike. Yeah? What about my catch? I'm talking to you. Nice catch. Oh. Oh, I could have took it in my hip pocket if I didn't trip over a cloud of dirt just when I started afterwards. Yeah, well, you didn't look so good on the first one. Well, my glove ain't broke in good yet. That glove ain't broke in good. It looks like it belongs to Willie Keeler's grandfather. Well, it ain't how I like it yet. Of course, it wasn't just the glove. The aircons kind of caught that first one, too. Well, if you think the wind's died down enough, after Wade gets done hitting a few, you can go up and take a few swings. You mean I or him? Ike, I. Who's Ike? That's you. Well, what's he call me Ike for? Well, that's Cap's nickname for everybody he takes a liking to. Well, he mustn't have only a few friends then. I never hear him say Ike to nobody else. Well, if you don't hit as good as you've been talking about hitting, he'll have another name for you. Well, if I don't have nothing better to hit against than that left hander out there, I'll hit 1000 all season. Lefty. Lefty's got a lot of stuff. Hey, look, Ike, don't let what Lefty done last night get under your skin. Aw, he don't bother me none. Oh, Lefty's okay. We had butt on him in the Central League. Where'd you hit there last year? Well, I had malaria most of the season. I wound up with 356. Where would I have to go to get malaria, huh? What's the matter? Don't none of them bats suit you? I oughta brought my own bat from Fort Wayne. These here a little probably throw me off a little. Oh, well, you can find out now. Cat's motioning for you. Coming. And don't drive one through Lefty. I don't think his life insurance is paid up. Oh, that's his lookout all right. There's crazy Barrel at the back. What do you want me to do, Cap? Just Hit it if you can. Far as I want to. Far as you want to. They can mail it back if it goes too far. This kid sure hates itself. Oh, Lefty will take care of that. Hey, look at how he crowds the plate. I hope he knows how to duck. Lefty should, all right. Oh, what do you mean, Spiderman Strike. He. Darn that beat me. What do you expect when you were standing on a plate? You give me one I can reach and you'll see who gets hit. Okay, Lefty, give him the old dark one. Boy, if I had a bat I was used to, I'd have got that on. He's got an alibi for every occasion. Yeah, and if he don't get so he can take a little kitten, he'll have to think up when to tell the boys back in the Central League. I ain't saying he can't. I know that. Windup, here comes Lefty Spitter. Man, look at that go. Hey, that one's good for three bases in any park. Yeah, and it was Lefty's fist when he met them. Duck, Lefty, duck. Then it's still on the rise. Was that your dark one, Lefty? All right, Ike, that'll be enough. Get up there, take a few swings, Carrie, and let us let a couple go by first. All right, Savvy? Make Lefty feel better. Get a little snapping them pegs to third. Man, I'll have to pick runners up with a rifle if you guys don't sound no better than this. Oh, I'd have really connected with that second one if the wind didn't blow dust in my eye. Any suggestions, Cap? Yeah, don't stand looking at them when you connect. Good. Down to first. I'll remember that. See about that one down the foul line, Cap. What about it? Well, I pulled it on account I didn't want that left hander to think he don't have nothing at all. I got to feeling sorry for him. Hold up a sec, Farrell. You play any pool? Huh? You play any pool? Oh, well, I ain't exactly as as good as Willie Hoppy, but I could have win a championship of Fort Wayne if I didn't sprain my elbow once. Oh, wait for a son. We're going to stroll downtown and shoot a few games. Oh, I better not. My elbow still bothers me some. I'll see you fellas back to hotel. Okay, see you. Here I am, Lifty. I'm here with Spin Quest, where you can play and win from the comfort of your own home or with hundreds of slot Games and all of the table games you love with real cash prizes. Right now, $30 coin packs are on sale for $10. For new users, it's all@spinquest.com. that's S-P I N Q U E-S T.com SpinQuest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. Hey, Sal. Hank. What's going on? We haven't worked a case in years. I just bought my car at. And it was so easy. Too easy. Think something's up? You tell me. They got thousands of options, found a great car at a great price, and it got delivered the next day. It sounds like Carvana. Just makes it easy to buy your car, Hank. Yeah, you're right. Case closed. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply. Huh? Ma', am, you are not lefty. Oh, no, ma'. Am. If you mean lefty Fisher, he's still getting dressed. You're Ike, aren't you? I mean, Mr. Farrell. Well, I guess I'm both. They started calling me both. Oh, Pop was awful mad at you last night, huh? What? At me? Oh, you know. Oh, excuse me. I'm Dolly Hackett. Hackett? Oh, cat's your pop. Yeah, that's right. He lets me come on a training trip. Um, you and lefty are rooming together this year, aren't you? Well, I guess so. If he ain't sent back to the miners, which he probably will be. He will not. Well, I'll have you understand that Lefty's the best pitcher in the league. I hope that's so. It is. And he's also my fiance, ma'. Am. Well, anyhow, him and me keep company. You. You mean cap leaves? You go out with a left hander? His own daughter? Yes, he does. And what's wrong with left handers? Aw, they're crazy. Everybody knows that. Hey, Charlie, you coming? Charlie, Lefty didn't ever go for no secret batting practice at nighttime. Oh, I didn't either. I went to the park to get my glove on account I wanted to oil it. When he sprang that old joke on me, I come near laughing in his face. Yeah, tell that to Sweeney. Good afternoon, Mr. Farrell. Well, I didn't mean that all left handers is really crazy. Just that they can't be trusted. They can't solve. Well, some left handers can, but a lot of them you can't. Look, I don't prefer to discuss the subject no Farther. Good day, Mr. Farrell. Good day, ma'. Am. Hey, Johnny. Johnny. Got some coming. Well, why don't you go on. Why you just standing there? Oh, I ain't got no place in pathetic. Go. Why you just standing there? I'm waiting for Lefty Fisher. Oh, well, I'm waiting for Art Graham. We're gonna shoot some pool. You play pool? Well, what kind of a lady do you think I am? Oh, excuse me. I mean billiards. Uh huh. Billiards. But I'm not very good. Well, maybe I could show you some pointers, huh? Uh huh. Maybe. You ever travel with the team? Uh, but the team's in shy half the time. Yeah, that's right, ain't it? Uh huh. Pop always invites everybody out to the house after the first road trip. He does? Uh huh. Maybe you'll come if I ask them to ask you. Can you dance? Well, I ain't exactly as good as Vernon Castle, but the women around Fort Wayne said I was some of them. And what if your wife? Oh, heck, I ain't married. Of course that ain't because I don't ever have no chance. I just never. Oh, dear Lefty. I'm pleased to have made your acquaintance, Mr. Farrell. Same here. And remember what I tell you about left handers. You mind if I sit down beside you here a while while I smoke a cigar? Carrie? Huh? Oh, hi. No, set right ahead. Sorry I can't offer you one, but this other one is my last one. And a friend of mine who runs a cigar store in Sioux City, North Dakota, he sends them to me special. These here don't hurt my asthma. I thought it was malarial you had. Oh, that was a couple of seasons ago. Well, ain't that the Tribune sports section you're reading there? Yeah. Anything in it about me? Not a thing. There is two right there. I thought I seen you buy six copies in Detroit. Oh, was them Tribunes I bought? Oh, I just picked up the first paper in front of me on the stand. I needed the paper to wrap up some things. What's it say about it? As if you don't know. Hold it still. Frank X Farrell, X for Excuse it, please. Hey, what do you mean by that? I don't have the least idea. Frank X Farrell, X for Excuse it, please, has been a sensation of the Sox Eastern Swing, hitting 412 and fielding everything that came his way that stayed in the ballparks. Hey, who wrote this here live Now I wonder why he didn't tell about how to splinter. I got in. My foot bothered me or I'd have hit better. Oh, maybe he didn't know about it. Why, sure he did. I told him. Say, I wonder what paper Cap's family reads. A Lady's Home Companion, most likely. Yeah, most likely. Well, there's a lot of recipes and things for ladies in the Tribune. I think I'll save one of my tribs and take it to her. I mean to them. Oh, you dance good. I. Oh, I guess I ain't bad. Only my sore knee is. Father and me are a dance a lot better if they were paint a waltz. I could show you some stuff. Oh, they got lots of waltzes. Brand new ones. Well, I don't think the floor is slick enough to really let me dance as good as I can. Oh, you dance wonderful just the same. Well, I. I guess I do at that. I hope you and Leslie have been getting along together all right. Oh, he don't bother me none, and I don't bother him. I hope you've been thinking over what I said about left handers. Maybe I have and maybe I haven't. You mean you notice how some of them are a little bit. Oh, I'm not saying yes, and I'm not saying no. Oh, golly, golly. There sure ain't no flies on you. Oh, you're just saying that. No, sir. I mean it all. Excuse me for holding you tight this way, but the floor is awful slick. I. I don't want you should slip and fall. Oh, that's all right. The floor is kind of slick, and I wouldn't want to fall. What's the matter with you, Lefty? You make a mistake and wear your spikes tonight instead of your dancing pump. Ah, dry up. I thought Dolly was your girl. She is. Don't look like it much. I told her it was all right to invite him. He alibi'd so much about his dancing, I thought he wasn't no good at it. You oughta known better than that by this time. Just because he makes up alibis in advance don't mean he ain't as good as he says. Hey, Carrie, will you do me a favor? Maybe. If it ain't got nothing to do with money, go ask Dolly to dance with you. Ah, nothing stirring. A guy my age ain't got no business dancing with no young girl. Dolly's in. I don't mean dance with her. Just start out dancing and then ask her to sit down and talk for a while. What do I talk about? You just sit on the sofa there. Be sure it's right there, see? Yeah. When you hear I and Ike talking right behind you, don't interrupt so Dolly can listen. I'm beginning to think that there's something in what Ike says about left handers. Will you, Carey, you owe me a favor. Why do I owe you a. Oh. Oh, all right. Sure, I'll do it. If you're figuring to take Ike down a notch, I'm all for it. That's the general idea. Hiya, roomy. Who you looking for? Callie. Huh? Oh, hello, Lefty. No, I was just looking around for where I can get myself a drink of water. She was dancing with Carrie, the last I seen of her here. We're kind in the way. Let's get over here, out of the way. Probably there's water in the kitchen. Why, she ain't out there. She's dancing around somewheres with Carrie. Well, put it there, boy. Huh? Why you want to shake hands for? I guess you beat me out, roomie. How come? With Dolly. She don't hardly even look at me no more since she's seen you. You got a peach there, Ike? Oh, well, I guess she's okay. I don't know much about girls. Ah, quit your kid. And I bet you know some beauts in your time. Well, I guess maybe I have. Better looking than Dolly even, huh? Oh, some of them was, but I never seen none I'd fall for. That is, until you seen Dolly. Well, Dolly's okay, but I wasn't thinking about getting married yet a while. I bet you popped the question already. No, not exactly, but she did kinda. You know, sometimes a man don't know what he's getting into. You take a good looking girl, and a man generally almost always does about what she wants him to. They couldn't no girl lasso me unless I wanted to be. Lasso? Oh, I don't know. When a fellow gets to feeling sorry for one of them, he don't have much of a chance. Frank, you're awful. Oh, Dolly. Gosh, Dolly, if I'd have known you were sitting there. Hey, Dolly. There was so much noise that I couldn't even hear what I was saying. If I said anything, you ever speak to me again, I'll get Pop to get you waved out of the league. Well, come on, Lefty. You haven't hardly danced with me at all. All right, boys, let's get ourselves some some runs this inning. The rube ain't got nothing on that ball that you ain't hit before. You're up, Mike icon. Deck Smitty in the hall and let's bat around. This inning? Yes. Get on, Mac and me and I can get you home. How about that, Ike? Oh, sure, if the glare off in that sign back there don't get my eyes like it done in the first. Is that why you struck out? I don't want to talk to you, Lefty. And after last night, you got a nerve thinking I do. Anybody who can't take no joke is a sawhead, pure and simple. I don't know how pure you are, Ike, but you sure look simple standing up there watching that third strike Rupe put over on you in the first inning. Oh, he didn't put nothing over on me. I just lost count. I thought it was three and one and I took a strike. You took a strike all right. Even the umpire knowed it was a strike. Yeah, but you can bet I wouldn't have took it if I'd have known it was the third one. The scoreboard had it wrong. That scoreboard ain't for you to look at. It's for you to hit that old pill up against. Well, I could have hit that one over the scoreboard if I knowed it was the third. Was it a good ball? Well, no, it wasn't. It was inside. How far inside? Oh, two, three inches, a half a foot. I guess. You wouldn't have threatened the scoreboard with it then. Well, no, but I'd have pulled it down a right foul line if I hadn't thought the umpire call it a ball. What's the count on Mac? Throwing one. Listen, Ike, you know who's in the stand right behind us. I told you I don't want to talk to you, Leffie. Oh, Dolly. Maybe if you show up good today, she won't be sore. That'd make you happy, I suppose. Bunsen up. Hold him up. All right, Ike, get out there. Max the tie and run. Lay one down, huh? Well, why can't I get out there and quit rubbernecking to the stands? My quad's out in the pitcher's mouth. He ain't throwing from the stands. Hey, here's a little rest for you, Rube. This is the easy one. Remember him? Yeah, he remembers me, all right. I hit him for a triple and two singles in New York last time. Yeah? Yeah. Rube heard you was an orphan, so he went easy on you that time. Come on, let's have it in there, big boy. This one swings like a rusty gate. Right smack into the stands. What a clout. You gotta handle to that right. And don't think I ain't going to, neither. Hey, Cap, I thought I heard you tell him to lay it down. I did. That guy Is getting so he thinks he don't have to take no orders from nobody. Get up there, Smitty. Get on. Dick Layden. You're in the hole. Terry. That's the way to break up the old ball game. I got roots. Number now last night. Oh, boy, if I hadn't a hit quite so quickly. That one, I bet it had cleared the center field fence. And that's going to cost you a $50 fine, huh? Are you fooling? What for? When I say bunt, I mean bunt. Why, you didn't say bunt. I says lay it down. If that don't mean bunt, what does it mean? Well, lay it down means bunt. All right, But I understood you to say lay on it. All right. That little misunderstanding will cost you 50. What's the count on Smitty, Art? One on one. Hey, Ike, what are you stretching your neck at? Oh, an old friend of mine from Des Moines, Oklahoma is in the stands sitting near Dolly. Oh, yeah? Yeah, right near Dolly. That wasn't a strike. I seen her. She's sure a looker. Who is? Your friend, Peter Bear Ain't got nothing on her for looks, my friend. Ain't no girl. Well, anyhow, there's a peacherino right behind Dolly up there who really thinks you're the stuff. Yeah? How can you tell? The way she was cheering and clapping when you hit that one. Hey, did Dolly cheer and clap? No, I don't think so. Why don't you try to date up the other one? Oh, without I have that 50 cap Finally, I ain't going to be stepping out with no girls for a month of Sunday. Hey, if wake gets on, I. I want you to watch the roof for a chance to get a hit and run. Carrie, I get you camp. I told way to watch for your signal. You better get up there. I think we may have a rally going yet. Cab. Yeah? I was just kidding about misunderstanding you. I know you wanted me to bunt. Well, then why didn't you bunt? Well, I was going to on the next ball, But I thought if I took a good wallop, I'd have him all fooled. So I walloped it. The first one to fool him. And I didn't have no intention of hitting it. You tried to miss it, did you? Yeah. How did you happen to hit it? Well, you see, I was looking for him to throw me a fast one and I was gonna swing under it. But he come with a hook and I met it when I was swinging to go under the fast one. Great. Hey, Boys, Ike's learned how to hit my quad's curve. Yeah, pretend the fast one's coming and then try to miss it. That's a good thing to know. It sure is, don't you think? I got to be willing to pay extra for the lesson. Oh, hey now, Cap. I'm going to make that fine 100 instead of 50. Ike, I'm running this team and it's time you found that out. 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Get a commercial auto insurance quote today@geico.com and see how much you could save. It feels good to Geico. You are listening to Studio One at cbs. Tonight is the fourth program of a new series of hour length entertainment. Studio one is presenting a free adaptation of Alibi Ike by Ring Lardner. The story will resume after a 15 second pause for station identification. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System, Continuing Columbia's full hour feature production. Studio One presenting the second half of Alibi Ike. What's wrong with you, Ike? Break your leg or something? How you mean? Ain't you the guy who bounce palms down the diner door trying to get at your chow? Oh, I decided not to eat so much. I've been having indigestion. That's why my batten's been falling off. Move over. Sorry I don't have no cigar to offer you. Terry. What's the matter? That friend of yours who has a cigar store in Salt Lake City, Texas, been letting you down again? Oh, not exactly that. He just don't know where to send them. Oh, well, don't he have no schedule? Yeah, but he's a long way from the post office. You'd think they'd have a post office in a big city like Dallas, Missouri. Well, he don't live right in Dallas or near it. Well, thanks anyhow, but I still don't smoke cigars. Want to read some shy papers while you're waiting to go in to eat? Oh, I would, only my eyes are hurting me. They've been giving me trouble all this time. Trip. You got a lot of write ups in it. Reporters think you're hot stuff. Yeah. Heard from Dolly this trip? No. She still saw it Me? You ain't getting more popular with her family with the kind of stuff that's in here. In where? In the shy papers, that's where. Now, you ought to get next to yourself, kid. It ain't doing the team no good. Well, what did I do? This what you told the guy from the Daily News? What guy? The reporter. Listen here. Quote. Frank Farrell put forward a possible explanation for the Sox slump on the Eastern trip. It is my considered opinion that we have suffered these defeats because of unfortunate. Unfortunate. Manager. Manager choices. And said the heavy hitting Sox outfield. I didn't say that. Oh, you probably didn't use them words. But I heard you giving a bunch of them reporters the benefit of your wisdom when we was in Washington. Well, what I said is right, ain't it? Let me finish this. If you want to know why Cap Hackett's family might not be so crazy about you. Marie Farrell pointed out that Smith has never hit well against southpaws. Yet during the crucial ninth inning of the first first game of the Washington series, Parker was allowed to go to bat when Peterson has always hit well in the clutch against the Port Siders. Well, ain't that so? I always figure Cap has a good idea of what he's doing. Look, take a little advice from me. Don't alibi your club to the papers. They won't appreciate it nohow. And they might get the notion that you're getting the big hat. Oh, well, you get off the big dog. All right, forget it. I don't like it. Just forget it then. I just mentioned it because. Well, look whose picture's in here. Oh, let me see. Hey, that's the girl that was giving me so much house that afternoon a couple of months back. High society, too. Ms. Cordelia Potter. Peter Barry ain't in it with her. Oh, boy. If Dolly knowed a society girl like her goes by me, she'd have something to think about. What, for instance? About how sorry she is she gave you the air for Lefty. Who gave me the air? Dolly did. You got so much air you caught cold. That was the cold that made you only hit 4:15 for the series with the Senators, remember? No. You're full of wind. Hey, Carrie, you ever note any high society women I meet? Some in my time. What are they like? Shake hands with you way up high like this? Yeah, but they ain't too different from other women, are they? How do you mean? Well, like in Fort Wayne. I seen a beaut in the stands that you could see. Thought I was all right, and I wrote her a letter and she answered. And her and me become good friends. If you're asking me if high society women can read, the answer is yes. Why? What's eating you? Oh, nothing. I was just wondering about somebody. Well, are you still there, Francis? Yes. I got an honest to goodness letter from the tall Gorky fellow. Oh, you remember the one George said had an Adam's apple so big you could make a pie from it. That's the one. Listen, I'll read it to you. Dear Miss Potter. And you should see the spelling. Dear Miss Potter, I have never wrote to a fan of mine as it is usually the other way around. But I seen you in the stands behind first base one afternoon, and you looked like you liked the way I played baseball. So I thought it might be nice if we could get together sometime and I could give you some of the inside pointers on how the game is played. And maybe go to a good wrestling match or roller skating to boot. What? No, I'm not making it up. Of course I'm going to answer him. I wouldn't miss the chance. Hey, wait a sec. Carrie, where you going? I got Lefty just up to my room. That's what I was aiming on until this guy grabbed me. How about a little singing tonight? We ain't had no harmony izing for a long time. I'd rather play a little poker. Oh, there's a peony up on a mezzanine that it won't bother nobody for us to use it. I'm game for poker, but no singing. All right. Who else will get? Well, Ike's still over there reading his letters. Who's he getting letters from? He's had a couple the last few weeks and he reads them over and over. Golly. Ain't been writin to em, is he? Left? Fat chance. She's off him for luck. Every letter she sends me is half took up with her telling me what she thinks of that swell head slob if they don't quit, I'll apply in the club to the reporters. Cap's gonna tell him what he thinks of him with a bat. Let's sneak up and see. What his letter. Yeah, Maybe it'll give me something to write him about. Telephone, Mr. Taylor. Telephone. All my friends are just dying to meet you. I had planned a party, my dear. Hey, perfumes and everything. I can whip it clean over here. Hey, what's the matter? You guys sneaking up on a guy? Hey, what are you reading there? Got a lady L? What? No, it happens to be a letter from a fella I used to go to school with. High school or college? College. What college? Well, I didn't go to college myself, but my friend went there. How come you didn't go? Well, there was no college near where I live. I thought you told me you lived in Kansas City. Only when I was a little kid. Where'd you live when you wasn't near a college? Close to Detroit? Well, Detroit's near Ann Arbor. And that's where they got the university. Well, yeah, they got it there now, but they didn't then. Uh huh. I come pretty near gone to Syracuse. Only there wasn't no railroads running through there in them days. Where'd this friend of yours go to college? Oh, I forget now. Was it Carlisle? No, no, his folks wasn't very well off. That's what barred me from that. Yeah, I was gonna tackle Cornell's, but the doctor told me I'd have to. Well, I'd have hay fever if I didn't stay up north. Your friend writes long letters. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's telling me about a ball player. Where does he play? Oh, down the Texas league. Memphis. The writin looks like a girl's right here. Yeah, well, you see, a girl wrote it for him. His sister. Didn't they teach Wrighton here? College, where he went? Yeah, well, sure, sure. But he got his hand cut off in a railroad wreck. How long ago? Oh, right after he got out of college. Well, I should think he'd have learned to write with his left hand by this time. Yeah, well. Well, yeah, it was his left hand that got cut off and he was left handed. Oh, he's sending you letters every so often. Are they all about the same ball player? Hey, why are you so interested in my friend's letters? We was just getting around to asking you if you want to play a little poker up in. Oh, well, I might. You go on up. I'll. I'll. I'll probably be up in A few minutes. I hope you don't have no previous engagements like the one you had the last time we played. And you was $40 to the good on us. Hey, wait a second, will you, Lefty? What you want? Oh, I just want to tell you that there's a girl in Shire that's crazy about me. You sure she ain't just crazy? Oh, she's one of these here society girls. Well. Well, I just thought I'd tell you since you're my roomie. You might want to tell Dolly or something. What makes you think Dolly cares a hoot if a society girl is crazy about you? Well, I just thought maybe she'd be interested in what your room is doing, that's all. Is this where you go in the ballpark, Frank darling? Oh, it's on down further where it says players entrance. Oh, keep going, Charles. Yes, ma'. Am. Now, you will try to be on time this evening, won't you, Frank? I promised so many of the girls that you'd explain baseball to them. They're simply dying to meet you. You won't disappoint me now, will you? Aw, sure, try not to. What's wrong, Frank? You seem so unhappy. Huh? Unhappy? Oh, that's ridiculous. There is something on your mind, though. Well, right here, Charles. Stop by the door. Yes, Frank, what was it? Well, I just wondered if you'd mind my bringing another fella and a girl. Why, sure, that would be all right. He's a ball player too. Uh huh. Yeah, my roomie and his intended. Well, I'd love to have them. Oh, that's dandy. I do hate to hurry you out of the car, Frank, but I'm late to a reception already. Oh, sure, sure. Excuse me. Well, till tonight. There's just one other thing. What is it? Well, I. I wonder if you'd mind if I act like maybe you was my antenna tonight, huh? What? Well, I suppose that'll be all right. If you'd enjoy that. Please, Frank, darling, I must hurry. Yeah, buddy. Fine. Goodbye. Hey, open your. My split a swipe up the floor with. Get George to rub a little liniment on. It ought to be okay. Have to say anything about who he's aiming on. Look who's got his picture in the paper and not on the sports sheets either. Hey, let me look. Well, if it ain't Excuse it himself. Hey, would you have a listen to this? Quiet, quiet, quiet. Read it on a society page. Listen. Ms. Cordelia Potter was hosted a party of her friends last night at the seventh annual horse show. And look who's right in the front row. Our alibi eyes Cap. A horse show. Did he win any prizes? Hey, how did the horse get out? Yahoo. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, Cap. Come here, Cap. Take a look at him. Get ready for a laugh. Guess who's in the society page of the Tribune? What's the matter, Captain? Seems I'm in the paper myself. Seems the examiner thinks I'm too old to manage the socks. Guess where they get the idea. You mean the alibi kid? I'll be a son of a, Cap. Just give me the word and I'll gladly crack him right in the mouth. And I can do it, too. That's just what I come in to warn you not to do. What do you mean? Well, you gonna take it, Cap? I guess we have to. We ain't got enough of a lead to take a chance now. He ain't the whole team. Now, let's don't kid ourselves. You seen what happened to us when Ike had his slump along there in June. Like it or not, we gotta realize that we're held together by one guy. If I didn't need that world serious money so bad, I'd climb his frame. Now listen, Lefty, the first one that tries to make trouble with him gets a fine hung on him. Here he is. Hi, Palace. Well, I hope you guys has got a lot of big hits in here today, because I sure have, lest that sciatica comes back to me. Well, what's everybody so quiet about, Lefty? Somebody dead? Nope. Maybe they're just hoping somebody was. Forget everything you had planned for this weekend because you are sitting on your couch and winning from the comfort of your own home. I'm here with spinquest, where you can play hundreds of slot games, all the table games you love, and you could even win real cash prizes. New users, $30 coin packs are on sale for 10@Spinquest.com SpinQuest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. Well, say, I guess I got some good news for Dolly and you. You're going to give us a free picture of yourself? My fiance asked me to ask a couple of my friends to a blowout she's given tonight night and I thought about you and Dolly. I guess we'll take a rain check on it. Oh, well, hey, at least ask Dolly first before you turn it down. My fiance has a swell place out on the go. You have to get hit over the head with a sledgehammer before you catch the idea of anything. Oh, what did I say that got, you know, Don Willen. Now just remember mentioning that you wanted to be better friends with Ike here, Lefty. Sure you did. We talked about it right after we was wondering how big the split would be of the world. Serious money. Yeah, I remember. I'll ask Dolly if she wants to go. Oh, you sure don't seem to be very happy about it. Hey, what's wrong with everybody today? Well, of course, I don't suppose I was any better that day than I was against Johnson my first trip up. I want to get a single off him because the bat handle got sweaty in my hand while he was taking all that time to pitch to me. So the bat turned in my hand and I only got the single. Tell them about the time you caught Mr. Cobb when he tried to steal second base after you'd caught the flyball. Oh, yeah. Well, that was a funny experience. I guess I was. And Mr. Lefty Fisher. Oh, there's my roomie and Cap Hackett's daughter. Come on, Ms. Potter. I want you should meet her before they come in here. Oh. Oh, very well. Excuse us, please. Well, I hope you don't mind if I call you by your first name. One worth talking to them, Miss Potter. Oh, but of course you must wear Miss Hackett and Mr. Fisher. Headley. They seem to prefer to wait in the foyer, madam. Oh, which way are they? Oh, I see them. Hello, Ike. Oh, gee, why don't you just come on in and meet the folks? Me and Dolly can't stay no longer. Just say howdy. Why, sure you can. Hey, Cordelia, I want you should shake hands with Dolly Hackett and my roomie. Frank told me so much about you. How do you do? Well, won't you take off your. No, we can't stay. We can't. Come on, Lefty. Oh, but Dolly. Right, we don't belong here. Of course you do. Oh, sure you do, Dolly. Well, ain't she dressed right, Ms. Potter? Well, no, I ain't. No, I know it, but thanks. Just a thanks for inviting us. I think we'd better go, Ike. What? You just come. We just dropped by to give you the news first, Ike. News? Lefty and me are gonna get married next month. Hey, Dolly, wouldn't you make up your mind about that? You oughta told me. Don't believe him. You're just joking about that. We decided two months ago. Well, we gotta be going now. Pleased to have made your acquaintance, Ms. Potter. Yeah, please. Likewise. You were very wrong when you warned me about left handed. Thank you just the same. For the invitation. Good night. Good night. Good night. My, do they act so strangely all the time, Frank? Gee, that's good news, ain't it? I mean, when a couple of people make up their mind to do something like that. Don't you think we should go back with the others? Well, I. I'd kind of like to set out here away from people for a few minutes. If you'll sat with me, of course. They're very good friends of yours. Well, I never quite trust left handers, but I guess maybe they are right here. You sit here and I'll sit here. Ms. Potter. It. It just come to me that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be married. Frank, I should be getting back to my. Oh, please, stay here a minute. You know, me and you has a lot in common. You like the way I play ball? No, Frank. No, I. I don't think this is a very good time to talk. Well, I guess I ain't so good at getting at what I mean. What I mean is me and you ought to be able to team up pretty good if you think that that. What? You. You look like you want to laugh. Oh, Frank, I want terribly not to laugh, but. But. But. I'm sorry, Frank. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, I see it too. It is kind of funny. Press box. Yeah, he's here. A ring. Hey, Ladnan. They want to know if you want to rewrite the leads within the Bulldog. Well, tell them to hold on. I got a new lead right here. Hold on. Pass me the phone, will you? Thanks. Here's the new lead, Will. The ghost of the White Sox team of early season is still hunting Comiskey park as the string of losses was run up to 12st straight today. The Cleveland Indians had a very strenuous day, each player having to run several laps on the bases. I have the final score for you to put in there. If the Sox ever get them out. No paragraph, Frank. X. X for skuse it, please. Sparrow made his 46th hitless trip to the plate proven to the satisfaction of most of the fans. What? He is so often shyly intimated that he's the whole Sox team. That's it. See Pharaoh again. Ooh, Alibi, Ike. Why, he's not even giving out alibis for why he's not hitting. Okay, I'll see him. If they ever get this game over. You better let the doc take a look at that finger. Carrot. I feel all over my body like the finger. Now listen, you guys, I want all of you in the hay by nine o'clock tonight. What are we gonna do? Try and dream ourselves back in first place. I just assume sleep is not when I'm awake. I just think about how my wife's got the World Series money spent already. We're not giving up. I'm gonna find out what's happened to this outfit. Ain't you? Ask the guy who can explain everything. I don't even want to see him. If you want to know who's making us lose all these guys games and why, just get tomorrow's trib. I seen Ring Lardner flag Ike down and start talking with him. Ike will tell all about how we lost his games for him. Maybe you'll tell us if we asked him. Here's the wonder boy now. Well, boys, tomorrow's another day. When did you figure that out? Oh, I guess I know it right along. Uh huh. Since you've already took the press into your confidence, maybe you could tell us whose fault it was we lost today's game. Well, what you driving at, Cap? Yesterday we lost because I yanked Benton when he give out three base on balls. The newspaper boys asked me my opinion and I tell him. What was you telling Ring out there to alibi yourself? I wasn't alibi myself. Stand up, Ike. Better take it easy, Cap. Leave me alone, Kerry. I've been holding this back for too long. Stand up, do you hear me? I'm taking off my shoes, you hear me? Stand up like a man. Let me take care of this, Cap. Nobody's gonna touch him but me. I'm not that old, do you hear? Put up your hands. You alibi Ike. I don't want to have to hurt you, Cap. What do you think you've been doing? Well, just because I ain't hitting, I'll be back in stride as soon as my stiff wrist is better. Put up your fists or I'll poke you anyway. I guess you're gonna have to do that then, Cap. Because if I put my fists up, I'm liable to hit back when I don't want to. I wouldn't never hit a man your age, Cap. You dirty coward. You think it can change my mind about you? Are you gonna put him up? No. Defend yourself, you big blowhard. Take it easy, Cap. This is what every man in this room would like to do to you. You alibi iq. Gosh, I'm sorry you fellas feel that. I don't think I want no supper, Miss Willis. Oh, I thought you was my landlady. Where you think you're packing up to go? Oh, back To Fort Wayne, I guess. Well, you won't play no ball there if you jump the league. Well, then I don't guess I'll be playing any baseball. Well, wouldn't you just rather shake hands and let's try to forget the whole thing? You mean it, Cap? Why'd you think he's sticking out his mitt? Oh, gosh, Cap, I never realized that I was making alibis for myself by putting the blame on you other guys. Why didn't you tell me what you told Adnan? Well, you never asked me, Ring. Just come to me for a statement about what was wrong with the team and I. I give it to him. And you didn't even do that alibi right. You had to hug all the blame for yourself. Well, ain't allowing that. Oh, we're passing it around. Come on, let's quit standing here like a pack of idiots. We're starting in tomorrow to get back in first place. You bet. Ike, there's somebody downstairs to see you. Your landlady wouldn't let her come up. Excuse me for honey this tight dolly, but. Well, you looked for a minute like you was gonna faint. I didn't want you should fall down, maybe hurt yourself. Oh, no, no, don't leave me fall, Ike. You know, if it wasn't for Lefty, I'd kiss you, probably. Oh, don't worry about Lefty. Well, but. But I thought him and you was right about left handers. Ike, he didn't want to marry me at all. You see? What did I tell you about left handers? He wasn't crazy, though. Like you said, he all right. He was pretty smart. Lefty knowed I loved you all along. That's the only reason he didn't want to marry me. Now that I think of it, I believe I meant the crazy ones. Is the ones that throws right and bats left. Well, you do that, dear. Well, darn if I don't. The Columbia Broadcasting System has brought you Studio 1, a new series of hour length versions for listening of celebrated stories, novels and plays. Tonight, from Studio One, you have heard Fletcher Markle's production of Alibi Ike by Ring Gardner. The adaptation was prepared for this series by Charles Gusman and the original music composed and conducted by Alexander Semler. Now, for your interest, may a producer identify the principles of the cast featured tonight as Frank X. Farrell, more familiarly known as Alibi Ike, Everett Sloan as Cordelia and Dolly, Amber and Ruth Gilbert as Cap Hackett, Howard Smith as Lefty Joe Desantis and as Ring Lardner, Bill Woodson next Tuesday night from 3 Studio 1 at CBS, one of the great American portraits of husbands and wives, the story of Sam and Fran Dodsworth from the distinguished novel by Sinclair Lewis. As Midwesterners on a European spree and as human beings involved in a bewildering marriage, the Dodsworths are worthy of returning attention. Worth your constantly returning attention. Also is another kind of story, a nightmare story. The worst kind of nightmares don't always happen when you're asleep. There's the day to day horror of hate and violence, originated and encouraged by irresponsible and bigoted individuals and crackpot organizations pandering to ignorance and stupidity. The next time some hate doctor tries to tell you that everything would be fine if there were just no more Catholics left on earth or Protestants or Jews or Negroes or blondes or redheads, show him up for what he really is, a sick mind trying to pass on his sick hallucinations. The only thing to hate is hate itself. And now, until next week in Sinclair Lewis's Dodsworth. This is Fletcher Muckle with a good night and thank you from all of us in Studio 1. This is CB forget whatever plans you have this weekend because you're staying at home and playing on Spin Quest. And there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get $30 coin packs for just $10. All the table games you love with hundreds of slot games and real cash Prizes. That's at spinquest.com S P I N Q U-E-T.com Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.