
The Great Gildersleeve 42-11-22 (057) Thanksgiving Dinner
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Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
Kraft presents the Great Guildersley, The Kraft cheese company who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night. Present each week at this time. Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve Written by John Whedon. We'll hear from the Great Gildersleeve in just a moment. You know, these days it's pretty difficult to get the variety of foods you used to get. That's why you should make the plentiful foods you can get as appetizing as possible. Now, one easy, economical way to make foods taste better is to use delicious parquet margarine at the table. And for cooking, too. First of all, of course, parquet margarine is a perfectly delicious spread for bread or toast or rolls. And next, parquet margarine is a tasty seasoning for potatoes and all hot vegetables. Parquet margarine makes cookies and pastries taste better too, because it's a real flavor shortening, not bland and tasteless as some shortenings are. And lastly, you'll find parquet adds tempting extra flavor to pan fried foods. Yes, you can make everyday foods taste better when you use parquet. Remember too, it's a nourishing energy food that contains vitamin A. So ask your dealer tomorrow for wholesome, economical Park A P A R K A Y Parkay margarine made by Kraft. Well, let's get on to the Great Gildersleeve, who's been putting in a busy Saturday morning down at the water department, trying to clear his desk of all the odds and ends that have piled up there. As we join him now, we find him almost down to the blotter and feeling pretty good about it.
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Action. Yes, action. That's the keynote today, Ms. Fitch.
Ms. Fitch
And you have accomplished a great deal this morning, Mr. Gildersleeve.
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Yes, sir. Never put out till tomorrow what you can do today.
Ms. Fitch
I try not to.
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Procrastination is the thief of time.
Ms. Fitch
There's a letter here.
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Time and tide wait for no man.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
This woman wrote in two weeks ago.
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Her want of a nail. The shoe was lost, Ms. Fitch. Action. That's the thing. Action.
Ms. Fitch
Mr. Gildersleeve, are you going to answer this woman's letter.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
What does she want?
Ms. Fitch
Action.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Well, let's see. The letter.
Ms. Fitch
She says she wrote in two weeks ago and never got an answer.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Oh. Oh, yes, I remember this. Take an answer. Dear Madam, in reply to your recent letter regarding a meal in your bathtub, we wish to thank you for calling this to our attention. After a thorough investigation of the matter, we wish to report that it would have been impossible for the said eel to have gained access to your tub through the faucet. As all our water is carefully filtered, and furthermore, standard plumbing fixtures are too small to accommodate an eel of the dimensions you describe, we can only suggest that the creature either crawled up the drain, in which event your attorney should get in touch with the Department of Public Works, not us. Or possibly it was placed in your tub by an enemy. While it's out of our department, we'd suggest that a stopper kept in the tub at all times should prove an effective precaution against eels in the future. Failing which, we'd advise a closer check on your friends. Very truly yours, Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, Water Commissioner. You got that?
Ms. Fitch
Yes, Mr. Gildersleeve.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
That ought to hold her. What's next?
Ms. Fitch
Well, I don't know whether you want to do anything about this.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Let's have it. Action, Ms. Fitch. Let's clear the decks here.
Ms. Fitch
Very well.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
This is no time for bottlenecks.
Ms. Fitch
No.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
You'll notice that in every photograph of Donald Nelson, there's not a single paper on Donald Nelson's desk. That's the only way to be an executive. Do it now. Strike while the iron is hot. Come, come, come. What have you got there?
Ms. Fitch
A six month reminder from your dentist?
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Well, suppose you put that in the deferred file.
Ms. Fitch
That's where it came from.
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You're a hard woman, Ms. Fitz. All right, call up the dentist and make an appointment for Monday.
Ms. Fitch
Good.
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Leroy. Come on, let's get on here. Time's wasting. Have you got the application for my B gas ration?
Ms. Fitch
Yes, it's right here.
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Oh, I must remember to get that in this afternoon.
Ms. Fitch
It's all filled out. All you have to do is sign it.
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I better check it over. Let's see here. It says, occupational use of the vehicle. If vehicle is used for driving between home and fixed place of work in the principal occupation as stated in items 4 and 6 above. Answer all questions in part A below. If vehicle is used in the performance of the principal occupation stated in items four and six above. Oh, brother. I'll take your word for it, Ms. Fitch.
Ms. Fitch
Oh, you Also have to get the signatures of any person sharing the ride with you.
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Oh, well, Judge Hooker is my share the rider, but he isn't speaking to me. You can darn well sign, though.
Ms. Fitch
I understand very few people are going to get the B rations.
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Oh, I'll get one, all right. After all, I'm a city official. I have to do a lot of official driving. I'm entitled to one if anybody is.
Ms. Fitch
Yes, but have you heard who's head of the ration board now?
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It doesn't make any difference who.
Ms. Fitch
Judge Hooker.
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Oh, my goodness. Hooker will find some technicality. He'll block it if he has to stage a filibuster. Maybe I better invite the old goat to Thanksgiving dinner after all.
Ms. Fitch
That might soften him up a little.
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Certainly. He couldn't accept a man's hospitality and then trick him out of his V card, could he?
Ms. Fitch
I don't recall that. The application form covers that.
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No, I didn't think so. Quiet. Here comes the old sour ball now. Well, hello, Badger.
Judge Hooker
And does the bus leave, Gilder sleeve?
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Yeah, the bus leaves whenever you're ready, Judgy.
Judge Hooker
I'm ready now.
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Be right with you. Can't keep a customer waiting, can we, Miss Fitch? I'll get my hat and coat, Mr. Killer Sleeve.
Ms. Fitch
You're not forgetting?
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Oh, yes, thank you. While you're waiting, Judge, Ms. Fitch has an application blank there that requires your signature. A mere formality, you know.
Judge Hooker
What's this?
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Just to show that I'm sharing my car with you.
Judge Hooker
Oh, so you're applying for a B ration book, huh?
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Aren't we all? Give the judge a pen, Ms. Fitch. Here. Oh, use mine. It's a self filler. I think you'll like it. There, that's it.
Judge Hooker
There you are.
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Thank you, Judge. Well, see you Monday, Ms. Fitch. Oh, by the way, Horace, I meant to ask you before. I hope you'll give us the pleasure of dining with us as usual on Thursday.
Judge Hooker
I thought you'd forgotten all about Thanksgiving.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Not at all. Thanksgiving wouldn't be Thanksgiving without you, Horace. You know that.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Stand still, Leroy. Now, while I fit this. I feel like a city in this fool outfit. This is the kind of clothes the Pilgrims wore, and they were no sissies. Yeah, but they didn't have to wear them in front of a whole auditorium full of people. Stand still, will you, before I jab you with this pin. Courtship of Miles Standish. Why don't you speak for yourself, John?
Ms. Fitch
Yeah.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Oh. Told you you'd get stuck. I think you're going to look real Cute when I get this down. That's just what I'm afraid of. That's what the whole school is going to think. Leroy, when you stand still. It wouldn't have been so bad if I was Miles Standish. I'd get to wear a helmet. But John Alden, that panty waist. I'm lucky the teacher didn't make me play Priscilla. I don't see why you feel that way. John Alden is a hero. Remember, it's John Alden who gets the girl. Yeah. Ethel, Hammer, Schlogg and Hammer. Hello, Uncle Morge.
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Well, hello, Marjorie and Leroy.
Ms. Fitch
Hello.
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Well, look at our little pilgrim.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Hey, Marge, can't I take this off now? No. Wait till I get it.
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Pin your lines yet, young man?
Ms. Fitch
Some of them.
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Well, it's about time. You've been rehearsing that part for a month.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I've been trying to get out of it for a month.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
That's no attitude to take. The Courtship of Miles Standish is great literature. I studied it in school myself. I remember it to this very day. This is the forest primeval, the murmuring pines in the hill.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
That's Evangeline, Uncle Mort.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Well, that's good, too. Let's hear you recite that speech you were having trouble with last night, Leroy.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
No, I don't want to.
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Come on now. I want to see if you've learned it.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Some other time, Unc.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
No, right now. I'd like to hear it.
Ms. Fitch
It.
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We both would, wouldn't we, Marjorie?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
We'd love to. No, I won't do it. Not if she's going to.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Listen, young man, you'll recite that speech or you'll go right upstairs to your room. Okay, we're waiting.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Let's see, Prithy Mistress Priscilla turn out of that field of the suit of one who, though absent yet.
Ms. Fitch
Yet.
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Yet loves thee with a noble and undying passion. Go back and try it again.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Do I have to?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Yes. If you don't keep at it, you'll never learn the part.
Ms. Fitch
I don't want the part.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Maybe we won't have to do it.
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You'll do it, or I'll know the reason why. Come on, now. Once more, Prithvy.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Miss Prissy.
Ms. Fitch
Miss.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I can't say it.
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You're not trying.
Ms. Fitch
Prissy.
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Mrs. How you got me doing it. Oh, Birdie, I want to talk to you. Leroy, you go up to your room and practice.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Darn old Miles Standish anyway.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Quiet, you. Birdie, I've invited Judge Hooker to Thanksgiving dinner. So that'll mean one More.
Ms. Fitch
That'll mean five more.
Judge Hooker
What?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Yes. I hope you don't mind, Uncle Mort. I invited four of the boys from Camp Fuller.
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Oh, well, fine. The more the merrier. Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving unless there are plenty around to enjoy the turkey.
Ms. Fitch
Speaking of Turkey. Mr. Gillslee.
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Yes, Bernie?
Ms. Fitch
You wouldn't want to buy a chance on one, would you? I don't suppose.
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What do you mean, Bernie?
Ms. Fitch
Well, the ladies at my church is.
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Holding the turkey raffle again if. All right, I'll buy a chance. How much are they?
Ms. Fitch
25 cents. That's for one.
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One chance. There you are. There's a quarter.
Ms. Fitch
Thank you. Most everybody around here has bought one from me. All the neighbors.
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Well, you're doing fine.
Ms. Fitch
Of course, used to buy two chances. It stands to reason you have twice as good a chance as they have.
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No getting around that, Bertie. All right, I'll take two.
Ms. Fitch
Mr. Gilsleeve, you're making no mistake. Turkey's awfully expensive this year.
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Yes, I know, Bertie.
Ms. Fitch
48 cents a pound a day, one grocery.
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Oh, brother.
Ms. Fitch
Yeah. So if you used to buy three changes, you'd still be ahead.
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Sold, Bertie. Make it three.
Ms. Fitch
Yes. Let's see now. How many is it gonna be for dinner?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Well, there's Marjorie and Leroy and Judge Hooker and Mrs. Ransom and the four soldiers. And you, birdie, that makes nine.
Ms. Fitch
And you, that makes 12.
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Yeah, that's me.
Ms. Fitch
That's gonna take a big tanky.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Maybe we should order one right away and ask him to hold it for us.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Well, let's wait and see how this raffle comes out first. Marjorie, we don't want to be stuck with two turkeys.
Ms. Fitch
You know, of course, they've sold quite a lot of chances on it. You've only got three.
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Birdie, if you can guarantee I'll get the turkey, I'll take five chances.
Ms. Fitch
Well, I can't promise nothing, but my cousin's doing the drawing.
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I'll take five.
Ms. Fitch
Well, that'll be a dollar and a quarter.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
That's right. Well, here's another dollar.
Ms. Fitch
That's quite a lot of money.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Yes, it is.
Ms. Fitch
A dollar and a quarter will buy a lot of things.
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Don't I know it.
Ms. Fitch
You wouldn't like to take a couple more chances just to protect your investment?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
You get out of here, Bertie, before you ruin me. I gotta get down to the ration board. Oh, brother, look at that crowd. Pardon me, could somebody tell me whether this is where you get bee ration books?
Peevey
No, this is where you don't get em.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Wise guy. Madam, would you mind you can't shove in here. I'm not trying to shove in.
Peevey
The end of the line.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
End of the line? I've been waiting here since 2 o' clock and you come trying to shove in.
Peevey
Yeah.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Madam, I was merely trying to ask a civil question.
Peevey
Into the line.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
But just a minute. Who do you think you're pushing?
Peevey
Well, who do you think you're pushing?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Well, who do you think you're pushing? By George, if you weren't wearing glasses. Well, I'll take them off.
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
There.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
You look worse. Put them back on.
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
What's the fuss here? What's the fuss?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
He tried to shove in ahead of me.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
I did not.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
He did too, and he squeezed my hand.
Ms. Fitch
Oh.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Now look here, my good will. You'll have to ask for order here, my friend. Why don't you just take your place in the line? I'm trying to find out whether this is the right line. I've come for my B ration book.
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
Oh, you've come for it, huh?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Yes, I have my application right here. You and 100 million others. What? Young man, evidently you don't know who I am. I happen to be Throckmorton P. Gillisle Sleeve, and I have to do a lot of driving. Where to? Well, out to the reservoir. The reservoir?
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
What for?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
See if there's anything in it.
Judge Hooker
Yeah.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Listen, brother, if we gave a ration book to everybody who wants to drive out to the reservoir for a little.
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
Necking in the moonlight?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
I don't do any necking in the moonlight. Oh, you like it in the dark? Yeah.
Ms. Fitch
No.
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And I didn't come here to be insulted by underlings.
Peevey
End of the line, Bud.
Ms. Fitch
End of the line.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Oh, shut up. Oh, Judge, I want you to tell this young whippersnapper here where I get where he gets off. Well, now, Guildy, he has the nerve to tell me I'm not entitled to a B ration book.
Judge Hooker
Well, he may be right, Gildy. You're only sharing the ride with one person.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
You can't throw those technicalities at me, Hooker. You're the share of my rider. You signed this application yourself.
Judge Hooker
I know that, Gildy. As a share of the rider, I'd be delighted to see you get your ration book. But as a ration official, I couldn't possibly pass this application. My conscience wouldn't allow it.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
All right, Judge. As a ration official, you needn't bother to come to Thanksgiving dinner. And as a share of the Writer, from now on, you can walk. Oh, you can have your own line.
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
The great Gildersleeve will be with us again in just a few seconds. If you're troubled with a food budget that's hard to keep in line these days, just remember this There are any number of wholesome, good tasting, nutritious foods that can help you keep your food budget down. Now, one such food surely is Parquet margarine, Kraft's delicious spread for bread. Because it's good tasting, economical and nutritious, Parquet margarine's flavor is something pretty special. Thousands know it as the margarine that tastes so deliciously good. And just as important, parquet margarine is an economical source of food elements that your family needs. Yes, wholesome, nourishing parquet margarine is one of the best energy foods you can serve. And year round, every pound of parquet contains 9,000 units.
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Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
Of important vitamin A. Yes, it's wise to economize with Parquet margarine. It's delicious, nutritious and thrifty. So buy Parquet Margarine tomorrow. Just ask your food dealer for par P A R K A y paray, the margarine that's made by craft. Now back to Summerfield of the Great Gilder Sleeve. Apparently he'll get no more gas than the Rest of us. But. But what about turkey? It's Tuesday afternoon now. Only two days before Thanksgiving. We find our hero checking last minute details with Marjorie.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
What about those four soldiers? My dear, are you sure they're coming?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Oh, yes. I had a note this morning from their commanding officer. They'll arrive at 12 o' clock sharp in a jeep.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
A jeep? Oh, brother. What an appetite they'll have. I'll have to run around the house a couple of times to get myself up to concert pitch. Can't let the boys show me up at my own table.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I don't think you need to worry about that, Uncle Mort.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Well, I guess we're all set. Soldiers accepted. Hooker canceled. Mrs. Ransom. Mrs. Ransom's coming, isn't she?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
You invited her, didn't you?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
No, I thought you'd take care of that. You're the lady of the house.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Oh, but I thought you'd want to. Oh, dear. And I went over there this morning to borrow a roasting pan for the turkey and never said a word about it. What must she think?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Oh, this is terrible. This is awful. I'll run over there right now. Serve as right. She's made other plans. A fine thing, borrow woman's roaster and not invite her to dinner. Oh, my goodness.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Oh, Mr. Gildersley.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Leila, I've come to explain.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I don't know what there is to explain. I'm sure.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
May I come in?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Well, I'm rather busy.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Just for a moment. Well, Leila, of course you're coming to Thanksgiving dinner Thursday.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Well, I'm hardly in the habit of going to places to which I've not been invited, Mr. Gilderslee.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
But you are invited. You've been invited all along. There was a mix up, that's all. I thought Marjorie had asked you. And Marjorie thought I had.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
How do I know? How do I know you're not just inviting me for my roasting pie?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Leila, when I thought of inviting you, nothing was further from my mind than a roasting pan.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Oh, you say those things, but you don't mean them.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
It's the truth. You were the first one on my list.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Leila was Arthrock Martin, sure enough.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Yeah, sure.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Oh, but I'm afraid I couldn't accept it this late date. You see, I've had all these other invitations.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Yeah.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
If I turn them down now, I know they'd be heartbroken. Much as I'd like to have dinner.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
With you, we're having a 20 pound turkey.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I love turkey. But I'm afraid I can't.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
I'll save you the white meat.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
No, don't tempt me now.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
I'll save you the wishbone. We can make a wish on it.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
What would you wish, Throck? Martin?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
I'm not supposed to tell you.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Well, I don't know that I could trust you with a wishbone. And anyway, I promise these other people.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
But you've got to come, Lela. Marjorie and Leroy will be terribly disappointed if you don't. So will I, so will Birdie, so will the army.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
The Army?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Yes. We're having four young lieutenants to dinner, too, Throckmorton.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Why in the world didn't you say so?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
You mean you'll come?
Ms. Fitch
Will I?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
You're too good to me, Leela.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
What did she say, Uncle Moore?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
She's coming with bells on.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I wouldn't put it past her. Uncle Moore, can I borrow your shotgun?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
No, Leroy, certainly not. Why?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I'm supposed to bring a gun to school tomorrow.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
What kind of a school are they running? A reform school? No.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Miles Standish has got a. Have a blunderbuss.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
A blunderbuss?
Ms. Fitch
Here's your pilgrim suit, Leroy. I pressed the collar, so don't mess it up.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Oh, put it on, Leroy, and show Uncle Mort how nice it looks. Not finished?
Ms. Fitch
Oh, no, go ahead. You look real nice in it.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I look like a in it? You look better than you do in that Mickey Mouse sweatshirt you wear all the time.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
And cleaner, too. Put on the pilgrim suit, Leroy. Oh, your sister worked hard on it. Won't do you any harm to put it on once. Go ahead.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Okay. I'd like to meet that guy Longfellow.
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
Yeah.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Well, Bertie, you think we're going to have enough turkey for all these people Thursday?
Ms. Fitch
I don't know, Mr. Gillslee.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Let's see now. We've got four soldiers and the four of us here and Mrs. Ransom.
Ms. Fitch
What about Judge Hooker?
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Judge Hooker is an ungrateful old goat. Never mention his name in this house.
Ms. Fitch
Excuse me. I didn't know it was like that again.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
There'll be eight of us at dinner, and you know the way soldiers eat. You think we ought to figure on two turkeys?
Ms. Fitch
I don't know, Mr. Gillesleeve. I don't know what we ought to do.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
What's the matter, Bertie? You seem to be sort of dragging today.
Ms. Fitch
I don't know. I don't guess I feel so good.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Out a little late last night?
Ms. Fitch
No, sir. No later than usual. I just got a feeling, that's all.
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What kind of a feeling?
Ms. Fitch
Like things wasn't gonna work out somehow.
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Oh, well, don't let it get you down. By the way, when are they gonna raffle off that turkey I bought all those chances on?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Yes, we can't wait much longer to find out about that. Thanksgiving's only two days off.
Ms. Fitch
I was thinking, Mr. Gillsleeve, how would it be if we had a nice ham instead of a turkey?
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Birdie, are you hiding something from us?
Ms. Fitch
No, sir. I ain't hiding nothing. Except they had that raffle last night.
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Oh, you came close, Mr. Gillsleeve.
Ms. Fitch
You came mighty close. The winning number was 61, and you had 62.
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But it still leaves us without a turkey.
Ms. Fitch
Well, sort of.
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Oh, well, if you gamble, you have to expect those things.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
We better order a turkey right away, though.
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Yes. We can't invite all those soldiers to come 20 miles for Thanksgiving dinner and have no Thanksgiving dinner.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
I'll go call up the market and reserve one.
Ms. Fitch
That's just the trouble.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
What do you mean?
Ms. Fitch
I called up the market and all the turkeys is reserved.
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You mean they won't sell us one?
Ms. Fitch
Butcher says there ain't a turkey left in Summerfield. I don't know what's the matter. Last week, no pot roast, this week, no turkey.
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We've got to have a turkey. We've invited all these soldiers. We've invited Mrs. Ransom. We've got to find one.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
But where?
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Don't ask me.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
All right, Unc. How do you like it?
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Like what?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
The pilgrim suit.
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Oh, forget the pilgrim suit. We just lost our turkey.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
No turkey. No turkey. How do you like that?
Ms. Fitch
Well, it looks like we all wind.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Up eating turkey sandwiches at the drugstore some Thanksgiving.
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The drugstore? Maybe Peevee's got a turkey. Hold everything, kids. I'll be right back. I'm going to the drugstore.
Peevey
Hello, Mr. Gildersleen.
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Peavey. Peavey. You've got to help me out.
Peevey
Well, I'm always glad to do customer service.
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Good. Have you got a turkey?
Peevey
What was that again?
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Have you got a turkey?
Peevey
A turkey? Well, now, I've had people come in here and ask for some strange things, but this is the first time I've ever had a request for a turkey.
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But never mind. Have you got one?
Peevey
No, Mr. Gilbert. Leave. Turkeys are one thing that I don't carry. I'm sorry. Have you tried to meet market?
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Of course I've tried the meat market. Why do you think I came in here, I wonder. Now, just a minute, Pee Pee, you serve turkey sandwiches at your soda fountain, don't you?
Peevey
Yes, we do serve a turkey sandwich.
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You can't make A turkey sandwich without a turkey. Can you?
Peevey
Well, now, I wouldn't say that.
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In other words, PB your turkey sandwich is not a turkey sandwich.
Peevey
Well, turkey sandwich has become a sort of a trade expression. Although we serve it with genuine cranberry jelly on the side.
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But suppose you don't care for cranberry jelly?
Peevey
Then you just ask for the regular chicken sandwich.
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Yes, sir. Peeve. I'm surprised at you. I don't know how you can sleep nights.
Peevey
I did used to have a little trouble, but I just take a cup of hot cocoa before going to bed now, and I find that sets me right. So does Mrs. Peavey.
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Well, this isn't finding a turkey. I gotta get going. Goodbye.
Peevey
Goodbye, Mr. Gilbert. Sleeve. Have a nice Thanksgiving.
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Same to you. Don't drink too much cocoa. And don't let Mrs. Peevey.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Any luck, Uncle Moore?
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Not a bit, my dear. I've been everywhere. It's no use. The Army's picked the place clean. There's not a single turkey left.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Maybe I should warn those boys at camp they'll do better if they stay there.
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Yes. Wait. There's just one chance left.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
What's that?
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If we can find out who won the turkey in Birdie's raffle, we might be able to buy it from him. Birdie.
Ms. Fitch
Yes, Mr. Gilsley?
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Would you mind coming in here?
Ms. Fitch
Yes, sir.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Bertie, do you know who won that turkey in your raffle?
Ms. Fitch
No, sir.
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Do you think you could find out?
Ms. Fitch
Well, sir, I might be able to. Then again, I might not.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
What do you mean by that?
Ms. Fitch
Well, if I was to find out who won, you might not like it.
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Come clean, Bertie. What bush are you beating about now? You know who won the turkey?
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Yes.
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Well, why didn't you say so? Who is it?
Ms. Fitch
Well, you said never to mention Judge Hooker's name. Oh, I told you you wasn't gonna like it.
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Well, there goes our only chance.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Uncle Mord, don't you think Judge Hooker would be willing to let you have.
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It after what I told him down at the ration board? No, my dear. I really gave him a piece of my mind. There.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
What if you took it all back and invited him to dinner again when.
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He'S got the turkey? He'd just laugh at me.
Judge Hooker
He'd.
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He'd. Wait a minute. Birdie.
Ms. Fitch
Yeah?
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Does Judge Hooker know yet that he's won the turkey?
Ms. Fitch
No, sir. I'm supposed to deliver it to him this evening.
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Excuse me, folks. I gotta see a judge about a bird. Horace, I've come to ask your forgiveness.
Judge Hooker
And you've Come to the wrong place, gilder sleeve.
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That's a cruel attitude, Judge, but I don't blame you for taking it.
Judge Hooker
You behave like a boar, gilder sleeve.
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You're right. A big boar in front of a whole lot of people too. Yeah, I could kick myself when I think of it.
Judge Hooker
We all fly off the handle sometimes.
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There was no excuse for it. Doing a thing like that to my old friend. Well, Gildy, of course you may think me a sentimental old fool, but we've been pals for a good many years now, haven't we? Off and on.
Judge Hooker
Yes, guilty we have. Off and on.
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And we've always had Thanksgiving dinner together, haven't we?
Judge Hooker
Yeah, I guess that's right.
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Well, I want you to have it with us again this year.
Judge Hooker
You really mean that, Horace?
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I've said it before and I mean it now more than ever. If you don't come to Thanksgiving dinner, it just won't be Thanksgiving dinner.
Judge Hooker
Now then, I'll certainly be delighted to come.
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Good. Don't forget now.
Ms. Fitch
I won't.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
We'll be counting on you.
Ms. Fitch
I'll be there.
Judge Hooker
What time would you like to have me come?
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Oh, come early, judge. Come about 9:00 o'clock in the morning.
Judge Hooker
9:00'?
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Clock?
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Yeah, and when you come, would you mind bringing that turkey you won in the raffle, Judge?
Ms. Fitch
Sam.
Judge Hooker
Well, Gildy, I've got to be going, but it's been a mighty pleasant day.
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Oh, stick around, Judge. The evening's young yet.
Judge Hooker
No, I've got to get an early start in the morning, but I don't know when I've had a finer Thanksgiving.
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Well, it was your turkey, Judge.
Judge Hooker
I share my turkey, you share your car. That's the spirit today.
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Yeah, and a good spirit too. It brings people together, Judge.
Judge Hooker
Yes, it does, Gildy. I'm sorry we had that misunderstanding down at the ration board. As a matter of fact, you're probably entitled to a B ration. You use your car for official business.
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Well, I don't want a B book.
Judge Hooker
What?
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No, I've been thinking about it, Horace. It seems to me the spirit of rationing is to get along with as little as you can instead of grabbing all you can get.
Judge Hooker
You're absolutely right, Gildy, and I'm glad to hear you say it. You're a credit to the community.
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Well, thank you, Horace. And you may rest assured that even though I only. I've only a humble A ration, my car will still be at your service at all times.
Judge Hooker
You mean that, Gildy?
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I do indeed.
Judge Hooker
That's fine. I've got to meet a train at Moore's Junction at 6 o' clock tomorrow morning.
Marjorie / Leroy / Birdie (various family members)
Good night, Gildy.
Spin Quest Disclaimer Announcer
Good night, everybody.
Narrator / Kraft Cheese Announcer
Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by Billy Mills. This is Ken Carpenter speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company and inviting you to tune in again next week for the further adventures of the great Gilder Sleeve.
Ms. Fitch
Ladies.
Kraft Dinner Announcer
When you want to make good macaroni and cheese, get a package of Kraft Dinner. This wonderful product is really an answer to a housewives prayer for an easy and quick to make main dish. It takes only 7 minutes cooking time to fix delicious macaroni and cheese. With Kraft Dinner. Put the macaroni that's in the package into boiling water and cook rapidly for seven minutes. In just that short time you have fluffy tender macaroni all ready for the cheese goodness. So you take the package of Kraft Grated which comes with Kraft Dinner and sprinkle it on the macaroni, stirring the delicious cheese flavor through and through. That's all there is to it. Your macaroni and cheese is ready to be served. And once you've prepared it this way, you'll never want to go back to the old fashioned way of baking it. Not when Kraft Dinner gives you such tempting macaroni and cheese in just seven minutes. Why not try it tomorrow? Just ask your dealer for a package of Kraft dinner. It's so convenient, so economical and so good. This program reached you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
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Date: November 27, 2025
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Featured:
This lively Thanksgiving-themed episode of “The Great Gildersleeve” transports listeners back to the Golden Age of Radio. Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve, the ever-affable and hapless water commissioner, finds himself amidst mounting holiday chaos: administrative headaches, ration book struggles, and above all, the desperate quest to secure a turkey for a large and hungry guest list. Along the way, neighborly squabbles, raffles, and misunderstandings threaten to derail his plans, but the spirit of generosity and community ultimately save the day.
Tone: Warm, comedic, and full of classic 1940s radio humor.
[02:23–06:04]
Notable Quote:
“Procrastination is the thief of time.” – Gildersleeve (02:32)
“While it’s out of our department, we’d suggest that a stopper kept in the tub at all times should prove an effective precaution against eels in the future.” – Gildersleeve’s letter (03:16)
[06:04–07:20]
Notable Quote:
“He couldn’t accept a man’s hospitality and then trick him out of his B card, could he?” – Gildersleeve (05:58)
[07:20–09:48]
Memorable Moment:
“I’m lucky the teacher didn’t make me play Priscilla!” – Leroy (07:39)
“This is the forest primeval, the murmuring pines in the hill.” – Gildersleeve (08:30)
“That’s Evangeline, Uncle Mort.” – Marjorie (08:42)
[09:50–11:44]
Notable Quotes:
“Turkey’s awfully expensive this year.” – Birdie (10:39)
“If you use to buy three chances, you’d still be ahead.” – Birdie (10:48)
[11:44–25:07]
Memorable Banter:
“No, this is where you don’t get ‘em.” – Peevey, on the ration line (12:12)
“Peevey, your turkey sandwich is not a turkey sandwich.” – Gildersleeve (24:32)
“Well, turkey sandwich has become a sort of trade expression.” – Peevey (24:35)
[25:21–28:15]
Memorable Quotes:
“Horace, I’ve come to ask your forgiveness.” – Gildersleeve (26:46)
“If you don’t come to Thanksgiving dinner, it just won’t be Thanksgiving dinner.” – Gildersleeve (27:43)
“And when you come, would you mind bringing that turkey you won in the raffle, Judge?” – Gildersleeve (28:10)
[29:05–30:08]
Notable Quotes:
“It seems to me the spirit of rationing is to get along with as little as you can, instead of grabbing all you can get.” – Gildersleeve (29:37)
“You’re a credit to the community.” – Judge Hooker (29:45)
This episode is a masterclass in classic radio comedy and heartwarming storytelling. Gildersleeve’s Thanksgiving adventure winds from slapstick mishaps (eels and turkey raffles) to gentle lessons in humility, friendship, and the value of giving. The resolution—where neighborly generosity ensures a full table and a full heart—reminds us what the holiday truly means, even in times of rationing and want.
Perfect For:
Fans of vintage radio, lovers of family comedies, and anyone needing a fun reminder of the warmth that comes from sharing and community.