The Jell-O Show Starring Jack Benny1940-12-22 - Christmas Shopping

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: The Jell-O Show Starring Jack Benny (1940-12-22 - Christmas Shopping)
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Air Date: December 9, 2025 (Originally aired December 22, 1940)

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Overview

This festive episode of the Jack Benny Program is a classic Christmas shopping romp, filled with the show's signature banter, barbs, and quick-witted humor. The gang—Jack Benny, Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Don Wilson, and a cameo by Rochester—navigate the chaos of last-minute holiday preparations in bustling New York City. It’s a lighthearted look at the madness of Christmas shopping, friendship, and the spirit (and, yes, competitiveness) that arises during this annual tradition.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Holiday Shopping Mayhem

[02:31-07:02]

• Jack Benny shares his harrowing experiences braving holiday crowds, humorously lamenting how he was pushed around and even lost his pivot tooth.
• The conversation slides into a broader, tongue-in-cheek observation of women’s shopping prowess around the holidays:
  • Jack Benny: “All year long they're so helpless...then about two weeks before Christmas, a mad glint comes into their eyes. And with an umbrella for gouging and a handbag for slugging, off they go. Come on girls, let's mangle the mail.” [03:24]
• Mary Livingston’s witty retorts—suggesting Jack’s “doll” hair is glued on—set the comedic, teasing tone for the rest of the episode.

2. Gift-Giving Antics and Team Banter

[04:30–06:47]

• Friendly ribbing abounds as Jack threatens to rescind gifts based on his friends’ wisecracks or lack of flattery, especially regarding his film debut and rivalry with Fred Allen:
  • Jack Benny: “We both don't pay your salary, so start leaning my way.” [06:35]
• Phil Harris teases Jack with a joke gift:
  • Phil Harris: “You remember that camel's hair overcoat...Well, I got you a box of nuts.” [07:42]

3. Musical Interludes

[08:48–10:39]

• Phil Harris and his “Central Park Troubadours” play “Jingle Bells.”
  • Jack Benny: “Troubadours meaning they are traveling musicians and Central park meaning they ought to get a room tonight.” [10:39]
• Later, the cast sings a medley of carols including “The First Noel,” “Away in a Manger,” and “O Come All Ye Faithful” in warm, festive harmony. [19:12–21:47]

4. Rochester’s Absentee Exploits

[14:03–18:30]

• Jack’s valet Rochester calls in after being MIA for nearly two weeks, concocting increasingly elaborate excuses, including being waylaid by a black cat and ending up at 125th Street.
• The repartee between Rochester and a sassy Susan Brown is a highlight:
  • Mary Livingston (as Susan Brown): “You threaten me, Shorty, and I'll cut them $9 out of your hip pocket.” [17:54]
• This playful exchange exemplifies the blend of slapstick and wordplay that made the show legendary.

5. In-Store Escapades

[21:47–26:59]

• The group hits the store, and Jack’s attempts to buy mundane gifts (lipstick for Aunt Molly, a collar button for himself) spiral due to unhelpful sales staff and surreal pseudo-customer service:
  • Jack Benny (to salesman): “I'd like a lipstick, please.”
  • Salesman: “Oh, come now.”
  • Jack Benny: “It's not for me. I'm buying it for my Aunt Molly.”
  • Salesman: “A lipstick for your Aunt Molly? That's who it's for. She lives in Chicago on LaSalle Street. What number?” [22:54–23:04]
• A woman mistakes Jack for a floorwalker while seeking an evening gown “so I should look like Lena Turner”:
  • Mary Livingston: “Lena. Lana. I'll never make it.” [24:18]
• Attempts to buy a simple collar button are met with a package deal including a suit and shoes:
  • Salesman: “Sorry, we never break up a set.” [25:15]

6. Encounters with Old Friends

[25:56–28:29]

• Jack and Mary run into Kenny Baker, former cast member, who now works for Fred Allen. The reunion is amiable, with reminiscences about shared Thanksgivings and Halloween mishaps.
  • Kenny Baker: “With Mr. Allen, I don't have to play treasure hunt [for my paycheck].” [27:52]

7. Signature Jell-O Pitches

[00:37, 28:44–29:41]

• Don Wilson delivers the classic Jell-O commercials, waxing poetic about its shimmering beauty and new improved flavors:
  • Don Wilson: “…a grand treat made with genuine Jell O and you'll realize right away why Jello is America's favorite gelatin dessert.” [01:30]
• He also promotes a special “calendar of desserts” booklet.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On holiday crowds:
  • Jack Benny: “I can understand my derby getting caved in, my muffler torn, and the sleeve of my coat ripped off, but how I lost my pivot tooth I'll never know.” [02:50]
• On Christmas Shopping Tactics:
  • Jack Benny: “…come on girls, let's mangle the mail. That's their battle pride.” [03:55]
• Mary’s classic quip:
  • Mary Livingston (to Jack): “Because your hair is glued on.” [04:44]
• Workplace rivalry:
  • Jack Benny: “Well, we both don't pay your salary, so start leaning my way.” [06:35]
• Jack vs. store clerk:
  • Salesman (on lipstick purchase): “Oh, you don't know the number, and yet you want to send a lipstick to your Aunt Molly?” [23:04]
• Rochester’s excuse:
  • Rochester: “Just as I was about to enter, a black cat ran across my path...I did (walked around it) and wound up at 125th Street.” [15:12–15:44]

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Important Timestamps

• [02:31] – On Christmas shopping chaos and women's “battle pride”
• [04:41] – Mary’s zingers and Jack rescinding the mink coat gift
• [06:35] – Jack and Don discuss Hollywood rivalry and loyalty
• [07:42] – Phil Harris jokes about Jack’s gift being just a box of nuts
• [10:39] – “Jingle Bells” and musician banter
• [14:03–18:30] – Rochester’s phone-in and alibis
• [22:54–23:29] – Lipstick purchase gone awry
• [25:09–25:15] – Collar button “package deal” gag
• [26:03–28:29] – Reunion with Kenny Baker
• [19:12–21:47] – Cast Christmas carol medley

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Final Thoughts

This episode epitomizes the comedic timing and ensemble chemistry that defined The Jack Benny Program. The relatable holiday stress, quirky shopping experiences, friendly squabbles, and heartfelt musical numbers make it a perfect slice of golden-age radio entertainment that’s as enjoyable today as it was in 1940.

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Transcript

[Don Wilson]

The best part of holiday gifting giving them something they'll use all year. During December deal drops at Lowe's save $40 on select Craftsman V20 tools. Now just $59 plus all rewards. Members get free standard shipping shop New December deal drops every week. This month, Lowes we help you save valid through 1210 wall supplies. Last free shipping excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Exclusions and more terms apply. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions subject to change. Visit Lowes.com ShippingTerms for details.

[Jack Benny]

J E L L.

The Jello Program.

[Don Wilson]

Coming to you from the Ritz Theater in New York City. Starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra program with Chucky.

You know, friends, A love shimmering mold of Jello on the table has a wonderful way of lending luster to a meal. Just as Christmas trees and candles, tinsel and holly lend their own special gaiety to this merriest of merry seasons, even the simplest family dinner takes on extra charm and attractiveness when the high point of the meal is a grand Jell O dessert. How inviting its shining colors look and how intriguing its rich, tempting flavor tastes. No other dessert can add more to the spirit and pleasure of any occasion, because no other dessert can outrival Jell O's glistening beauty and refreshing goodness. So, ladies and gentlemen, decide now to add a new note of festive delight to your meals during the holiday season. Tomorrow, ask your grocer for Jello in any of Jello's six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. By the way, strawberry and raspberry jello both have a new, improved flavor obtained by using a natural flavor base, artificially enhanced. And the result is a rich, distinctive goodness rivaled only by the juicy, ripe fruit itself, a unique flavor that cannot be duplicated in any other way. Try a grand treat made with genuine Jell O and you'll realize right away why Jello is America's favorite gelatin dessert.

That was Tookie, played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, there being just two more shopping days till Christmas, we bring you that fugitive from Gimbal's basement, Jack Benny.

[Jack Benny]

Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, speaking of Gimbal's Basement, I never saw so many women shopping in my life. I got shoved around like a blinser in Lindy's. Boy, what a mob. Pretty hectic, huh? Hectic. You know, Don, I can understand my derby getting caved in, my muffler torn and the sleeve of my coat ripped off but how I lost my pivot tooth I'll never know.

That was really an experience.

[Don Wilson]

Oh, I can just imagine what you must have gone through.

[Jack Benny]

You know, a funny thing about women, Dan, all year long they're so helpless. You have to open the door for them. They can't light their own cigarettes. They cling to your arm as you walk down the street. They're as delicate as butterflies. And then about two weeks before Christmas, a mad glint comes into their eyes. And with an umbrella for gouging and a handbag for slugging, off they go. Come on, girls, let's mangle the mail.

That's their battle pride.

[Don Wilson]

Well, Jack, women are a little excitable when they're shopping around Christmas time. But I don't think they're as tough as you say.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, you don't, eh? Don, I was in Macy's yesterday afternoon and a little gray haired lady couldn't have been over 5ft tall, put down her cane and yanked a washing machine right out of my arm. I tried to get her back and she kicked my hat off. Imagine.

[Don Wilson]

My goodness, Jack, you don't mean to say that the little old lady took a big washing machine away from you?

[Jack Benny]

D I wouldn't have minded that so much, but it was a demonstrator. I'll probably never get my laundry back.

That is my own fault, I guess, for waiting so long to shop. Oh, hello, Mary.

[Mary Livingston]

Hello, Doll.

[Jack Benny]

Doll? Well, looking so affectionate around Christmas. You're certainly giving out with that soft soap.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, no, I'm not, Jack.

[Jack Benny]

You're not a. Then why did you call me doll?

[Mary Livingston]

Because your hair is glued on.

[Jack Benny]

All right, all right, young lady. That did it. There goes that mink coat I was gonna buy you for a present.

[Mary Livingston]

You were gonna buy me a mink coat?

[Jack Benny]

Yes, I were or was? I was gonna buy you a mink coat.

[Mary Livingston]

I bet it were or was from Rabbit.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, no, it wasn't. You've lost a very beautiful gift. And you know. And you know the kind I hand out.

[Mary Livingston]

Go on. You wouldn't buy Hedy Lamar a Coca Cola for Christmas.

[Jack Benny]

What are you talking about?

Let me tell you something, Mary. A girl like Hedy Lamar could make a playbo. I'd buy her quarts of bubbling champagne.

[Mary Livingston]

You'd buy cider and put an Alka Seltzer in it.

[Jack Benny]

All right, keep it up, keep it up. There goes Don's Christmas present, too. Hey, wait a minute, Jack. I didn't say anything. Oh, pardon me. I got a little mixed up there.

[Mary Livingston]

Watch out, Donnie. Playing for You?

[Jack Benny]

No, I wouldn't forget about Don's present. Not after the way he laughed at the premiere last Tuesday night. How'd you like the picture, Don?

[Don Wilson]

Oh, I really enjoyed it, Jack.

[Jack Benny]

I got a big kick out of it.

[Mary Livingston]

I'd ask like anything.

[Jack Benny]

Sorry, Mary, the mink coat is over the dam.

Anyway, Don, now that you've seen Love Thy Neighbor, what do you think of Fred Allen in it?

[Don Wilson]

Well, to tell you the truth, don't you feel.

[Jack Benny]

Don't you feel that I get much bigger laughs than he does?

[Don Wilson]

Well, to tell you the truth, Jack, I think you're very good in the picture and so is Alan.

[Jack Benny]

The honors are equally distributed. Oh.

Oh, I see. Oh. Oh, oh, Mary. Then, Don, in your fat headed opinion, you think Alan goes over as good as I do? Exactly.

[Don Wilson]

You both have a lot to do in the picture. You both photograph well and you both get big laughs.

[Jack Benny]

Well, we both don't pay your salary, so start leaning my way.

Imagine saying we photograph equally.

[Mary Livingston]

Well, that's ridiculous. Jack looks much better. Better than Alan?

[Jack Benny]

Why, certainly.

[Mary Livingston]

And Alan, you can have.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, one more crack out of you and you'll be saying, oh, my goodness, I left my baby in the automat for Olson and Johnson.

Remember that. Oh, hello, Phil. Hi, Jackson. Well, old pal, you got nothing to worry about. I got your Christmas present bought, packed and ready to hand over. Oh, so you've been shopping too, eh, Phil? You said it all day yesterday. One store after another. Well, did the women kick you around much? Yeah, but I got it coming to me.

You said it. You know, Phil, I've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to buy your present yet. What did you get for me? I ain't saying you'll have to wait till Christmas. Oh, come on, Phil, tell me. All right, Jackson, I'll tell you what I bought.

[Don Wilson]

You remember that camel's hair overcoat we.

[Jack Benny]

Saw in the window on Fifth Avenue? The one you were so nuts about? Yeah. Well, I got you a box of nuts.

Oh, well, Phil, unless you're kidding. Kidding? When Mary is in the audience stooging for Olson and Johnson, you'll be in the lobby trying to get out of a straight jacket. Catch on. The way I've been going the last few nights, a straight jacket wouldn't be bad. He's not fooling folks.

You know. Phil lives on the 18th floor of the St. Moritz Hotel. And he never uses the elevator. He just goes in and out the window.

Now, Phil.

Yeah? It's about a little quicker on the air. You know, when I say now fail, you come right back. Yeah, there's no laugh when I say now.

[Don Wilson]

Phil, you know the McDonald's snack wrap is back. You brought it back.

[Jack Benny]

Ranch snack wrap.

[Don Wilson]

Spicy snack wrap. You broke the Internet for a snack? Snack wrap is back.

[Jack Benny]

Yes. It's about time for a band number, so let's have it. What are you gonna play?

[Don Wilson]

I don't know.

[Jack Benny]

This bunch don't speak English. Oh, fine. Well, don't worry about it, Phil. Just pick up your baton and follow them. Go ahead.

That was Jingle Bells, played by Phil Harris and his Central Park Troubadours. Troubadours meaning they are traveling musicians and Central park meaning they ought to get a room tonight.

That joke went over better the first show. Told you we should change for the night show.

What a gang you picked up here, Phil, huh? Well, music is at the sideline with these boys. I know. And I wish you, the drummer, to stop pestering me. I've got all the potato peelers I need.

Those guys sell everything from razor blades to mink coats.

What are you a ho about? Think the fiddle player has wonderful Me.

I saw him. Hello, Mr. Bay. Hello, dennis. Boy, am I a wreck.

[Mary Livingston]

Women, women, nothing but women.

[Jack Benny]

Oh, have you. Have you been shopping, too? No, I just came from Roseland.

Oh, 10 cents a dance, eh? Yeah, I cleaned up.

Say, Dennis. Dennis, I hear that you and Kenny Baker have been stepping out and seeing the town together. Is that right? Yeah.

[Mary Livingston]

And you know what, Mr. Benny?

[Jack Benny]

What?

[Mary Livingston]

The other night, I made him pay for everything. I stuck him for $2.45.

[Jack Benny]

You did? Well, now, Dennis, that's not very nice. If Kenny is kind enough to show you a good time, the least you can do is go 50. 50 or better. Still, pay all the expenses yourself. It's all right to save money, Dennis, but there's nothing like being a good sport.

What's that for, Ms. Livingston?

[Mary Livingston]

Everybody else knows.

[Jack Benny]

That's so. You see, Dennis, there's only one way to be popular. When you're out with a fella and he reaches for the check, you take it first. And if he should pick it up, you grab it right out of his hand. Grab it.

[Mary Livingston]

I can't stand that.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, come back here.

[Mary Livingston]

Okay.

[Jack Benny]

What's the matter with you? Dennis is just a kid. And while he's still young, he's got to be taught how to conduct himself in public and not be a cheapskate.

[Mary Livingston]

I don't understand you, Mr. Benny. No, you don't.

[Jack Benny]

I don't understand you, Mr. Benny. You don't understand well, look, Dennis, I'll explain it to you.

We'll go out for a bite to eat after the broadcast and I'll show you what I mean. I'll pick up the check and you take it away from me, see? Then I'll take it away from you and then you take it away from me. Then what?

[Mary Livingston]

That's all, Bob.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, I warned you. Cut it out, kid. Hey, Jackson. Yes, Phil? My band number's over and I still got a lot of Christmas shopping to do. Do you mind if I run along? Why, no, Phil. In fact, I think I'll go with you. There are a lot of things I got to get myself. Don, you can take charge of the rest of the program, can't you? Oh, sure, sure.

[Don Wilson]

Don't worry about it, Jack.

[Jack Benny]

Come on with us, Mary. I want you to help me pick out a few things.

[Mary Livingston]

Okay, but don't embarrass me.

[Jack Benny]

I won't. You know, there's a swell store near my hotel, the Sherry Netherlands, where I can buy almost. Wait a minute. Answer the phone, Mary.

[Mary Livingston]

Okay. Hello?

[Jack Benny]

Oh, Ms. Livingston, this is Rochester.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, boy, are you going to get a jacket. Rochester Roch.

[Jack Benny]

Give me that phone. I'll find out right now where he's been for the past two weeks.

[Mary Livingston]

Hello?

[Jack Benny]

Oh, boss, what happened to you? Where you been?

Where have I been? I've been on the phone for the last 10 days trying to reach you. I call every hotspot in Harlem that's got a telephone. That's a hot one. You can't hear. Ring.

Roger, sir. I don't want any flippancies. I want the truth. Now, we arrived in New York a week ago Thursday the 12th, they tell me.

Yes, the 12th. It is now December 22nd, just three days before Christmas. Have a YouTube.

[Mary Livingston]

Never mind that.

[Jack Benny]

What I want to know is what became of the time between December 12th, when we got here, and December 22nd, which is today. Well, well, well, on Friday the 13th I was right up to the door of your hotel, ready to go to work. Uh huh. And just as I was about to enter, a black cat ran across my path. I see. But couldn't you walk around the cat? I did and wound up at 125th Street.

Oh, well, so much for Friday. Now what happened on Saturday and Sunday? Our weekends ended up to Harlem, Upper Hudson There. Take it again.

How did I know when he's on the other side of the telephone? Well, we'll get to Monday.

I must be psychic. That will get to Monday. After your weekend. Rochester, why didn't you Call me at my hotel. I was so full of sherry, I couldn't fit the Netherlands.

Now, don't give me that look, Rochester. I haven't any more time to argue with you. Where are you calling from? What's that, boss? I said, where are you right now?

[Mary Livingston]

Just a minute.

[Jack Benny]

What's the address here, sugar?

[Mary Livingston]

31 Lenox Avenue, honey.

[Jack Benny]

31 Lenox Avenue, honey.

Rochester, who are you talking to? Susan Brown, the sweetest gal in town. Oh, yeah, I spoke to her last week and left a message for you. Did you get her? Just a minute, honey. Did you give me a message from Mr. Benny?

[Mary Livingston]

Why, Rod Chester, you knows I did.

[Jack Benny]

She forgot to give it to me, boy.

Oh, she forgot to give it to you, eh? Yeah, she's as busy as a blonde, but it can't happen here.

I see. Now, Rochester, I want you to go over to my hotel right away.

That made up for the one. Him up.

I want you go over to my hotel right away. There's a lot of work to do, and it's got to be done before tomorrow.

[Don Wilson]

Yes, sir.

[Jack Benny]

Now, how soon can you get over there? Just a minute, boss. Say, sugar, I don't think I'll be able to take you to the Savoy Ballroom tonight.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, that's all right, honey. I'll get somebody else.

[Jack Benny]

You better not get somebody else.

[Mary Livingston]

I ain't going up there alone. Rochester, I want somebody to snuggle up to.

[Jack Benny]

You get somebody to snuggle up to and it'll be your last snub, Rochester, and I do mean last.

[Mary Livingston]

You threaten me, Shorty, and I'll cut them $9 out of your hip pocket.

[Jack Benny]

Rochester, ransom me. I want you to come right over to my hotel. Leaving right away, boss.

[Mary Livingston]

So long.

[Jack Benny]

Goodbye. Now, listen, sugar, don't make any date. I'll run over to see Mr. Benny, put on the old personality and be back here in a half hour. Rochester, you forgot to hang her. Oh, all right.

[Mary Livingston]

Chester.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, boy, I heard your conversation.

Don't you believe it.

[Mary Livingston]

Get over here. Goodbye.

[Jack Benny]

And this thing trouble that guy every time I come to New York.

Come on, Mary, let's go shopping while I'm mad.

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah, that'll hold you down.

[Jack Benny]

Let's go, Bill. Right with you, Jackson. All right, Dennis, let's have your song.

In fields as they lay in fields.

[Mary Livingston]

Where they lay keeping their sheep On a cold winter's night that was so.

[Jack Benny]

Deep Nowhere, nowhere nowhere nowhere.

[Mary Livingston]

Corn is a kiss King of Israel.

[Jack Benny]

Far away the manger no crib for his head the little arjeepa Laid down his Sweet head.

The stars in the heavens Looked out Down where he lay the little Lord Jesus.

O come holy faithful joyful and triumphant.

[Mary Livingston]

O come ye, Come ye to best.

Land.

Come and behold him O my.

[Jack Benny]

King of angels O come let us.

[Mary Livingston]

Adore him O come let us adore him O come let us.

[Jack Benny]

Boy, what a crowd. Sit close to me, Phil. You too, Mary. I don't want you to get lost.

[Mary Livingston]

Okay, Papa, Are you going to take us to see Santa Claus? Daddy.

[Jack Benny]

Type? Down, both of you. Gotta have some system here. Now, let's see my Christmas list. We gotta buy a compact or something for my Aunt Molly. A lawnmower for Dennis.

A mickey for my writer.

A deck of cards for Cindy. Let's see, what else here.

[Mary Livingston]

Look at that crowd of women at the bargain counter.

[Jack Benny]

Where? Oh, boy, what a mob. See you later, Jackson. I'm going over and mingle. See you later.

Gosh, I wish I knew what to get for Aunt Molly. Mary. I wonder if she could use a lipstick.

[Mary Livingston]

Has she got lips?

[Jack Benny]

What do you think? She got lips. Here's a counter. Yes, sir. What can I do for you? I'd like a lipstick, please. Oh, come now.

Look, it's not for me. I'm buying it for my Aunt Molly.

[Don Wilson]

I see.

[Jack Benny]

A lipstick for your Aunt Molly? That's who it's for. She lives in Chicago on LaSalle Street. What number?

I don't know the number. Oh, you don't know the number, and yet you want to send a lipstick to your Aunt Molly?

[Mary Livingston]

I'm not going to send it.

[Jack Benny]

I'm going to take it to her. I'm going to stop off in Chicago on my way to California. Oh, I suppose you're the only one that ever went to California. What are you talking about? I live in California. I got a whole. Well, I've got a home here. But I don't brag about it.

[Mary Livingston]

I wasn't bragging.

[Jack Benny]

Now, look, mister, all I want is a lipstick.

[Mary Livingston]

Am I gonna get it or not?

[Jack Benny]

Sorry I decided against you. Next case, please.

This guy isn't screwy. Then I don't know why.

More trouble over a lipstick. Mary, I ought to go over at the grocery department and get Don a case of Jello. He'll love it for Christmas.

[Mary Livingston]

Why don't you get two cases so you can sell a stocking?

[Jack Benny]

I'll get all the six flavors. That'll do it. And, Mary, while we're in the store, I think I'll buy a collar button. I need one.

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah, your Adam's apple ain't practical.

[Jack Benny]

Just an emergency. I lost a button. There's the men's department over there.

[Mary Livingston]

Pardon me, could you tell me where I can buy an evening gown so I should look like Lena Turner?

[Jack Benny]

Miss, that's Lana Turner.

[Mary Livingston]

Lena. Lana. I'll never make it.

[Jack Benny]

Well, I'm sorry, miss. I'm Jack Benny. I'm not a floor walker.

[Mary Livingston]

I saw your picture. Get ready.

[Jack Benny]

She looks like Babe Marks.

Come on, Mary, let's get that collar button. I haven't got much time.

[Mary Livingston]

You'd have plenty of times. You stopped flirting with that girl.

[Jack Benny]

Who was flirting? She thought I was the floor walker, didn't she?

[Mary Livingston]

Well, you didn't have to roll your big blue eyes at her.

[Jack Benny]

Mary, just because my eyes happen to be large and devil may carry.

Don'T have to accuse me of flirting. Here we are. Good evening, sir. What can I do for you? I'd like to buy a collar button.

[Mary Livingston]

A collar button?

[Jack Benny]

Yes, sir. Now here's a nice one for $85. $85 for a collar button? Yes. That includes dress shirt, tie, socks, patent leather shoes and a double breasted tuxedo. Well, that's a good buy, all right. But all I want is a collar button. Sorry, we never break up a set.

Now that's ridiculous. You know, mister, I shop in every city in the United States, but I've never been in a store like this. I tried to buy some lipstick a few minutes ago. Lipstick? Oh, come now.

[Mary Livingston]

It sounds silly, but I had a good.

[Jack Benny]

And the salesman of that counter insulted me.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Jack, look.

[Jack Benny]

What is it?

[Mary Livingston]

Look who's over there at that counter.

[Jack Benny]

Where?

[Mary Livingston]

Right there. Isn't that Kenny Baker buying a camera?

[Jack Benny]

Well, sure enough it is. Kenny. Let's go over and say hello.

Gee, miss, this camera looks swell. I think I'll take it. How much is it? $3. $3? She doesn't like it all right, but. But haven't you got something for 55 cents? Why, yes.

[Mary Livingston]

But I thought you wanted to spend $3.

[Jack Benny]

I do. But he's already hooked me for 245.

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, Kenny. Hello, Kenny.

[Jack Benny]

Huh?

[Mary Livingston]

Oh, well.

[Jack Benny]

Well, I'll be. Dog gone.

[Mary Livingston]

Hello, Jack. How are you, Mary? Gee, I'm glad to see you.

[Jack Benny]

Gosh, Debbie, I haven't seen you in a long time. Stay. You're getting to be a big boy now. I sure am. You want a cigar, Jack? Oh, my goodness. Look, Mary, he's got a whole pocket full of cigars. Yeah, I had them left over from Wilkie.

Oh, fine. Same old telly.

[Mary Livingston]

How about a little kiss, Mary? Okay.

[Jack Benny]

Big Boy. All right.

Guys and everything. All right, kids, break it up. Come on.

[Mary Livingston]

Wow, he had grown up.

[Jack Benny]

Say, that was a real kiss, huh? Personally, I'm a wreck. Now, pull yourself together. Come on with us. Kenny, you can buy your camera later. I want to talk to you.

[Mary Livingston]

Okay, I'll see you later. I gotta buy some hose.

[Jack Benny]

All right. So long, Larry. Say, Kenny, how do you like your new job? See that Fred Allen is pretty tough to work for, isn't he? No, he's swell. We get along great together. Oh, and you know What, Jack?

[Mary Livingston]

Aunt Mr. Allen pays me every week.

[Jack Benny]

Does he? Y pays you every week? Yeah, none of that see me later kid stuff.

Well, you must have a pretty short memory, Kenny. I used to have that envelope for you every week, too. Yeah, but with Mr. Allen, I don't have to play treasure hunt. Oh, well, good clean sport never hurt anybody.

[Mary Livingston]

Say, Kenny.

[Jack Benny]

Yes, please. Oh, fine. Say, Kenny, I just happen to think of something. Remember the time you first came to work for me and I invited you over the house for a Thanksgiving party?

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah.

[Jack Benny]

I'll never forget how bashful you were. You remember I asked you if you wanted to have some more turkey?

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah.

[Jack Benny]

And I was so darn nervous I said yes. That turkey wasn't so bad.

[Mary Livingston]

Have you got much left?

[Jack Benny]

Same old Kelly.

[Mary Livingston]

God, I'll never forget the time.

[Jack Benny]

Remember when it was Halloween and I didn't know you were in the backyard?

[Mary Livingston]

Yeah. All of a sudden I heard a.

[Jack Benny]

Noise at the window and there you were.

[Don Wilson]

Thanksgiving and Christmas are two days out of the year when it's fairly easy to decide on a dessert. Because you can figure that most families will be looking ahead to mince pie, pumpkin pie or plum pudding. But during the rest of the 365 days of the year, choosing a dessert is always a problem.

[Jack Benny]

Problem.

[Don Wilson]

And that's where General Foods new calendar of desserts comes to your rescue. This handsome recipe book gives you a different dessert inspiration for every day in the year. Between its bright, attractive covers, you'll find 365 suggestions for all kinds of delicious treats, profusely illustrated with beautiful color photographs. There's page after page crammed with mouth watering pictures and descriptions of clever dessert dishes, pastries, puddings, cakes and cookies. Not to mention lots and lots of grand Jell o desserts. A flip of the page brings you a new and tempting dessert idea every day. And it's easy to get too. Just mail 10 cents and coin or stamps to Jack Benny, Care of General Foods, Battle Creek, Michigan. And a copy of the calendar of desserts will be forwarded to you at once. Send for yours today.

[Jack Benny]

Merry Christmas. See you Wednesday, Miss Benny.

[Don Wilson]

How often do you lie awake at night, ladies and gentlemen, listening to the ticking of the clock roll louder and louder and louder?

[Jack Benny]

And how often would you avoid that.

[Don Wilson]

Wakefulness if you drank Sanka coffee instead of ordinary coffee? Sanka coffee permits sleep because it is 97% caffeine free.

[Jack Benny]

And Sanka is real coffee at its delicious best. Start drinking Sanka coffee tomorrow. This is the National Broadcasting Company.