The Johnson Wax Program With Fibber McGee and Molly 1940-12-10 - Mailing Christmas Packages

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode: The Johnson Wax Program With Fibber McGee and Molly 1940-12-10 - Mailing Christmas Packages
Air Date: December 14, 2025 (Rebroadcast)
Original Air Date: December 10, 1940

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Episode Overview

This episode features a rebroadcast of the classic radio comedy "Fibber McGee and Molly," specifically the December 10, 1940 installment titled "Mailing Christmas Packages." The episode revolves around Fibber and Molly navigating the chaos of mailing holiday presents at the post office—a comedic reflection on seasonal traditions, crowds, and neighborly interactions in mid-century America. The humor is built on witty banter, memorable character interactions, and the relatable stress of holiday errands.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Preparing Christmas Packages (03:08–04:45)

• Fibber and Molly are at 79 Wistful Vista, preparing armfuls of Christmas packages to mail:

  • Debate about whether to mail Uncle Dennis’s gift since he’ll be visiting.
  • Quote:
    • Molly: "He's going to be with us here for Christmas?"
    • Fibber, dryly: "Oh, Happy Yuletide." (03:18)

• Light-hearted banter about Molly’s gifts and wordplay confusion between “casserole,” “camisole,” and “castor oil.”

  • Quote:
    • Fibber: "Oh, a camisole, eh?"
    • Molly: "No, you mean casserole, dearie. ... Go on, that's castor oil." (05:12–05:29)

2. A Visit from Mr. Gildersleeve (05:53–09:52)

• Mr. Gildersleeve arrives, arms filled with gifts and asks Fibber and Molly to mail his packages for him too.
• Friendly, competitive banter over stamps and neighborhood goodwill turns into stamp-order confusion:
  • Gildersleeve: “The last time I bought a 2 cent stamp in a drugstore, I came home with a hot water bottle, a toy submarine, three rolls of film…” (07:37)
  • Argument over whether 4-cent stamps exist.
    • Quote:
      • Gildersleeve: "They do too!"
      • Fibber: "They do not!" (08:46)
• Fibber boasts of his (questionable) postal experience in a tongue-twister monologue:
  • Quote:
    • Fibber: "I started working in the post office when I was knee high to a mailbox. ... Celebrated as a salary saving super salesman..." (09:11–09:47)

3. Arrival at the Post Office (13:06–16:54)

• Overwhelmed by crowds and long lines at the post office, Fibber and Molly join the masses.
  • Observations and gripes about the slow line, heavy packages, and peculiar customers.
  • Encounter with Mrs. Uppington and her prize Pekingese, Fifi:
    • Uppington: "Fifi is a very intelligent dog and very valuable, too. She's worth at least $2,000."
    • Fibber: "That’s more than I’m worth." (16:40–16:54)

4. Line Humor and Encounters (17:15–21:01)

• Molly’s fatigue leads to workplace jokes:
  • Molly: “My feet are beginning to agitate for better working conditions.” (17:27)
• Fibber interacts with a little girl mailing a letter to Santa Claus, featuring playful confusion over “permissions” (persimmons, permissions/permission):
  • Little Girl: "Permission’s a kind of fruit that makes the picker pucker." (18:24)
  • Sweet moment about children writing Santa letters for their fathers’ sake:
    • "I bet you all us kids do that because our papas all believe in Santa Claus." (19:19)
• Harlow Wilcox appears, squeezing in an ad for Johnson’s Wax cleverly disguised as conversation (20:08–20:37).

5. Encounters with the Old Timer & Boomer (21:24–28:05)

• The Old Timer shares a far-fetched family story about his sister Nellie, a Pony Express rider who disappeared with the mail—injecting nostalgic tall-tale humor.
• Quote:
  • Old Timer: "She was a Pony express rider in 1848. One day she disappeared, mail bag and all." (21:41)
• Horatio K. Boomer, a known “crook,” comes to the post office to write his mother’s letter—prompting jokes about "walking away from a federal pen."
  • Boomer: “Feels wonderful to be able to walk away from a federal pen without hearing bloodhounds in the distance.” (26:40)

6. Queue Frustration and the Final Post Office Irony (28:18–29:24)

• After hours of waiting, they reach the front—only to be told they’re at the wrong window.
  • Exchange:
    • Fibber: “Now weigh them packages and tell me how much postage.”
    • Postal Clerk: “Sorry, sir, can’t do that here. … This is the money order window.”
    • Molly: “We’ve been standing here three hours!”
    • Clerk: “You’ll have to get in the other long line.” (28:44–28:58)
• Defeated but in good spirits, ending with a wink at the shared tribulations of holiday errands.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Molly: "McGee, this man's standing in front of me. I wish he'd turn around and face the way everybody else is. He's got a blank look on his face. That bothers me somehow." (13:51)
• Fibber (to a man in line): "Hey bud, you got your toupee on backwards." (14:04)
• Mrs. Uppington: "Fifi is worth at least $2,000."
  Fibber: "That's more than I'm worth." (16:50–16:54)
• Little Girl: "So why should we tell them [our fathers] any different if it makes them happy?" (19:26)
• Boomer: "Feels wonderful to be able to walk away from a federal pen without hearing bloodhounds in the distance." (26:40)
• Fibber (At front of the line but at the wrong window): “You’ll have to get in that long line over there.” (28:58)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [03:08] — Fibber and Molly prepare to mail Christmas packages
• [05:53] — Mr. Gildersleeve’s visit and stamp confusion
• [09:11–09:47] — Fibber’s rapid “stamping at the Savoy” monologue
• [13:06] — Arrival at the crowded post office
• [14:20] — Encounter with Mrs. Uppington and $2,000 prize dog
• [17:32] — Conversation with the little girl and Santa letter
• [20:08] — Harlow Wilcox’s cameo (sly Johnson’s Wax ad)
• [21:24] — The Old Timer’s Pony Express family tall tale
• [26:40] — Boomer’s comic bits in the post office
• [28:44–28:58] — Fibber and Molly finally at the window—at the wrong place

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Tone & Style

The episode is marked by rapid-fire wordplay, good-natured sarcasm, and gentle absurdity, all reflecting the escapism and communal spirit of golden-age radio comedy. Fibber is characteristically boastful and bumbling, Molly ever-practical but indulgent, and the supporting cast provide a parade of eccentrics that exaggerate the foibles of real-life holiday errands.

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Summary Takeaway

This classic slice-of-life comedy episode is a nostalgic, highly relatable farce about the trials of mailing Christmas packages in a crowded post office. The show remains a time capsule of vintage humor, quick wit, and neighborly one-upmanship, all in the stress and merriment of the holiday rush—capped with a perfectly executed punchline that many listeners will know all too well: after waiting hours, Fibber and Molly find they’ve stood in the wrong line all along.

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Transcript

[A]

Hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of a.m. p.m. Right now and, well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling.

[B]

Even kind of cheesy.

[A]

But I like it. Sure, you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all. So farewell, Oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy.

[C]

Break up with bland breakfast and taste AM PM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit made with Ktree eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AM PM Too much. Good stuff. The Johnson Wax program with Biver McGee and Molly. The makers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing Glow coat present Bibber McGee and Molly. Written by Don Quinn with music by the King's Men and Billy Mills Orchestra. The show opens with crazy rhythm. During the coming holiday season, there's probably going to be more activity than usual around your home. There'll be more wear and tear on your floors, especially in the kitchen. If those floors are protected with Johnson's Self Polishing Blow Coat, you won't have to worry about them at all. If you're not using Gloat now. This would be an excellent time to try it. Glo Coat offers many advantages. First, it protects linoleum against wear, scratches and dirt. Cleaning is easier because spilled things are quickly wiped up with a damp cloth. Second, Glo Coat makes linoleum floors more beautiful, gives them a gleaming polish, keeps the colors fresh and bright. Third, it makes the linoleum last longer. And fourth, it's a wonderful time and labor saver. Johnson's Glo Coat is self Polishing. It needs no rubbing or buffing. You simply apply and let dry. In 20 minutes, your floors shine with new beauty. Be sure Johnson's Glo Coat is on your next shopping list. Mailing your Christmas packages early is a great idea for two reasons. One, it gets them off your mind. And two, the recipient has time to look his gift over and change yours for something cheaper. So here at 79 Wistful Vista, about to depart for the post office with arms full of packages, we find Fibber McGee and Molly.

[B]

Now wait a minute, dearie. Let's be sure we got everything. Here's the one for Aunt Beth, one for Uncle Dennis. We don't have to mail that. He'll be with us over Christmas.

[A]

He's going to be with us here for Christmas? Sure. Oh, Happy Yuletide.

[B]

Magee. Don't be like that. Where's your Christmas spirit?

[A]

I had it up on my closet shelf and uncle Dennis found it and.

[B]

McGee, that's enough of that.

[A]

Yeah, would have been enough for me, but that guy is so thirsty.

[B]

Please, please, let's not discuss Uncle Dennis anymore, okay?

[A]

Hey, why don't we go down to the post office after supper instead of now? Might be less of a crowd down there.

[B]

I don't know if they're open that late.

[A]

Oh, I'll call C. Hand me that phone. Thanks. Hello, operator? Give me the post up. Oh, is that you, Mert? How's everything? Mert says, eh? What? Say, Mert, your 17 year old sister had her face lifted.

[B]

Oh, heavenly days. What'd she do that for?

[A]

Couldn't help it. She bought a false face for a New Year's party and somebody swiped it.

[B]

What say, Mert?

[A]

Yeah? Yes, it laid there. Okay. Oh, the post office don't answer, eh? Okay, never mind. Well, come on, Molly. I guess we better go on down there now.

[B]

All right. You got enough money with you for Stan?

[A]

Oh, I don't need any. I got an account with the government income tax. FHA HOLC.

[B]

Oh dear. Come in. Hey, Mr. McGee, come over to my.

[A]

House right away, will ya?

[B]

What's the matter now?

[A]

Me brother was rehearsing his Santa Claus.

[B]

Act and he got a horn caught in his pants.

[A]

Why, he's too old to be playing with toys like that.

[B]

It ain't one of the toys, it's one of the reindeer. Hurry, will you? Well, are you going, McGee?

[A]

Nah, he ain't the only guy who gets antlers in his pants around Christmas.

[B]

Now let's see, you take those four.

[A]

Packages there and I'll carry these couples. Hey, what's in this big one here? Which one? This one.

[B]

Oh, that. Why, that's a new aluminum baking dish I got for Aunt Sarah.

[A]

Oh, a camisole, eh?

[B]

No, you mean casserole, dearie.

[A]

I do not. Casserole is medicine.

[B]

Go on. That's castor oil.

[A]

Well, then what's a camisole?

[B]

Well, a camisole is the. Well, it's a sort of a.

[A]

You see. So it is something you cook in.

[B]

Well, it could be in hot weather.

[A]

Well, anyway, I bet that's a good.

[B]

No, we'll never get to the post office if people keep coming in like this. See who it is, dearie.

[A]

Hey, it's Gilderslee with an arm full of Christmas presents and a big smile on his face.

[B]

Oh, dear.

[A]

Must be bringing us our present.

[B]

Oh, and I haven't got his wrapped up yet.

[A]

Come in, come in, come in.

[B]

Well, hello, Mr. Gildersleeve. How nice to See you.

[A]

Hi, Gildy, old man. You're looking well. A new suit? Why, no.

[C]

This is the same suit I always wear.

[B]

Well, it certainly looks nice. Have a chair, Mr. Gilderseve.

[A]

Have a cigar, too. Yeah.

[C]

No, thanks. I just dropped in.

[B]

How is dear Mrs. Gildersley?

[C]

Why, she's splendid, thank you. But the reason I came.

[A]

No, I was just saying to Molly. Molly, I says, we gotta do something nice for Guildersley this Christmas. Christmas? He's been a mighty fine neighbor, I says.

[B]

And I says, yes, McGee, I says. He's been so nice to us, I says. Though I hope he doesn't give us anything.

[C]

Well, I'm glad you feel that way about it, Mrs. McGee, because I'm not giving you anything.

[A]

That is the same old suit you got on, ain't it? Getting pretty baggy too, if you ask me.

[B]

Was there something you wanted, Mr. Gildersleeve? We were just leaving for the post office.

[C]

Oh, yes, McGee told me this morning you were going to the post office. I just stopped in to see if you'd mail these packages for me while you were down there.

[A]

Hey, wait a minute. Why, shucks, we already got more than we can.

[C]

And I wish you'd buy me some stamps too, while you're at it.

[B]

Say, you might save time, Mr. Gillif, to get your stamps at Kramer's drugstore.

[C]

Oh, they're too expensive down there.

[A]

What do you mean expensive? Stamps are the same everywhere.

[C]

Yeah, I know, but I hate to go into a store and buy stamps. They don't make any profit on them, so I usually make a few purchases to ease my conscience.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

The last time I bought a 2 cent stamp in a drugstore, I came home with a hot water bottle, toy submarine, three rolls of film, a rental detective story and a couple of badminton rackets and a big gob hot fudge on my neck.

[A]

A guy as fat as you are has got no business eating hot fudge.

[C]

Who's fat?

[A]

Well, besides you. There's Oliver Hardy, Don Wilson, Paul Whiteman.

[B]

You're a hard man, McGee. Now, let's not get into any argument, boys. We'll get your stamps for you, Mr. Gilleslee. What kind do you want?

[C]

Well, I want two sheets of fives, four sheets of ones, one sheet of twos and three sheets of fours.

[A]

Spit out your gum and do it again, Gilbert. Well, all right.

[C]

I want three sheets of tools, two of threes, four of fives and fives of fours.

[B]

How about six of ones and half a dozen of the others?

[A]

You'll just leave they don't make any 4 cent stands. Oh yes they do. They do not.

[C]

They do too.

[B]

They do not. They do not.

[C]

No.

[B]

Phil, buy that.

[A]

Well, if I knew as little about my own government as this big chowder head.

[C]

Don't you call me a chowder head.

[A]

You little termite gilder sleeve. One of these days you're going to exonerate me too far. And I still say they don't make any $0.04 stamp.

[C]

How do you know?

[A]

Because I used to work in the post office, that's how I know.

[C]

Is that so?

[A]

Yes, that's so. I started working in the post office when I was knee high to a mailbox.

[B]

He did.

[A]

He did. I had charge of the branch in the Savoy Hotel. Stampin at the Savoy McGee. I was noted stampin at the Savoy McGee. Slick as silk and strong as Samson at slamming a sack of circular single handed on a schooner sailing to the South Seas or a streamliner scheduled to scoot to Sioux City. Celebrated as a salary saving super salesman by selling scores of 6 cent stamps to sentimental sailors. Sending souvenirs to Swedes and Samoa, Siam, Ceylon, San Salvador and similar scattered seaports. Smiling and singing as I stamped and.

[B]

Sealed stuff from city to city and state to state. A solid civil servant serving citizens and scamps.

[A]

Well, let's get down to the post office and buy this lug some stamp.

[B]

Sam.

[C]

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[A]

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[C]

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[B]

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[C]

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[A]

Delivery is four windows down, sir.

[B]

Where can I find the postal ting?

[A]

Boy, these packages are getting heavy, Molly. I'll sure be glad to unload them.

[B]

Well, we won't unload them very quick, dearie.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Look at the long lines in front of the windows.

[A]

Oh boy. Hey folks, you mind if we squeeze in here? We got an important engagement we'd like.

[B]

To get back in the other line. Who do you think you are? Ready? Wait.

[C]

Wait in line like the rest of us.

[A]

Maybe we'll. We better go to the end of the line, Molly. It's more democratic.

[B]

McGee, do you realize how many people are ahead of us in this line? 73.

[A]

And a good thing too. Keeps them off the streets.

[B]

McGee, this man's standing in front of me. I wish he'd turn around and face the way everybody else is. He's got a blank look on his face. That bothers me somehow.

[A]

I'll move aside a little. I can't see over these packages.

[B]

You see him there?

[A]

Oh, that ain't his face. Hey bud, you got your toupee on backwards. My goodness. Thanks load.

[B]

Oh, look Mickey, here comes Mrs. Effington.

[A]

Mrs. Effington? What's she doing in a post office? Don't she know these places are in infested with common people?

[B]

I see she brought her Pekingese along to lick the stamps for her. Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Uppington? So nice to see you. How do you do, Mrs. McGee and Mr. McGee?

[A]

Hi, Uppy. Hi, puppy.

[B]

Good heavens, what a lot of people do you have to stand in line like that? Don't you know anyone in an executive position who would take care of you?

[A]

Well, me and Jim Farley was great pals, Uppy. But Jim don't work here anymore and I don't know the new guy.

[B]

Besides, we're no better than anyone else. I think, my dear, as the saying goes, you have something there. Mailing your Christmas packages? Oh, no, no. We just brung them down here to.

[A]

See if they were wrapped up as pretty as other people.

[B]

Say while we're kicking the ascot basket around. Abigail, what's the idea of bringing that dime sized Doberman in here? Oh, oh, you mean Fifi. Fifi? Isn't she sweet? Love this little darling. Say hello to Mr. And Ms. Miggy, Fifi.

[A]

Wonderful Ain't it, Molly? I always wondered how you said hello in Pekingese.

[B]

Oh, hasn't she a sweet little face? Such bright eyes and such animation. You know, sometimes I could all but believe she was laughing at me. Well, if she's really intelligent, how could she help it? She is very intelligent, Mrs. McGee. Her mother was Champion Floradora and Mr. Dora Brownie, the tips of Philadelphia. And who was her father? Or am I putting Fifi on the spot?

[A]

I knew she was either from Philadelphia or New York. Uppy. She's got that much Look.

[B]

Thank you, Mr. McGee. Don't thank him for that one. I still don't know why you should bring her into the post office, Mrs. Upington, when everything is so busy. Oh, well, I wanted her to mix with the crowds, Mrs. McGee, to give her some real holiday atmosphere. This is Fifi's first Christmas, you know. Isn't it, Fifi?

[A]

She mucked that one up. She said hello again.

[B]

Well, if she did, she must have had a very good reason for it. Fifi is a very intelligent dog and very valuable, too. She's worth at least $2,000. $2,000?

[A]

What do you mean, $2,000? Why, shucks, that's more than I'm worth.

[B]

Well, some dogs are worth more than others.

[A]

Dogs are worth more than others. Teddy Roosevelt slayed the Rough Riders with that one.

[B]

I wish we could get up to the window. This line hasn't moved two feet in a half hour.

[A]

Well, I'll take care of that. Watch me. Hey, up ahead there. Can't you move along any faster? Okay, okay, okay. I was just asking you. Getting tired, Molly?

[B]

I certainly am. My feet are beginning to agitate for better working conditions.

[A]

Mine, too. I wish we could.

[B]

Hi, mister.

[A]

Oh, hello there, little girl. What you doing here?

[B]

I'm mailing a letter to Santa Claus over at you. Are you?

[A]

No, we're not.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Huh? What'd you say when? Never mind. What'd you ask Santa Claus in your letter?

[B]

I asked him to make the man next door not mad at me anymore. Because I don't think he's going to give me anything for Christmas of it.

[A]

Well, what juvenile peccadillo arouses antipathy? Sis?

[B]

Hmm? What's the matter with you? Pardon me, mister.

[A]

I said, what'd you do that made the man next door mad at you?

[B]

Last summer I went in his backyard and I picked some of his permissions.

[A]

Some of his what?

[B]

Permission. You know, it's a kind of a fruit that makes the picker pucker.

[A]

Oh, I see what you mean. Why didn't you ask him if you could pick them?

[B]

Well, I was afraid he wouldn't give his persimmons.

[A]

You mean his permission?

[B]

No, I picked his permission.

[A]

Look, sis, you don't pick permissions. You give persimmons or you for snip. Let's start over again and make it pears.

[B]

All righty. Grizzly pears or teddy pears?

[A]

So you're mailing a letter to Santa Claus. Are you sure?

[B]

You see? Here it is.

[A]

Oh, say, that's pretty good handwriting, sis.

[B]

I know it.

[A]

Don't tell me you wrote that.

[B]

No, my papa wrote it. I always ask him to write my Santa Claus letter.

[A]

That's a very good idea.

[B]

Sure it is. I bet you all us kids do that because our papas all believe in Santa Claus.

[A]

Oh, they do, eh?

[B]

Sure. So why should we tell them any different if it makes them happy? Come on, mister.

[A]

Hey, Molly, what makes this whole line of people give that sudden jerk every few minutes?

[B]

Why, don't you know?

[A]

No.

[B]

That seventh van up ahead has got the hicups.

[A]

Oh, I gotta say.

[C]

Hi there, fibber.

[A]

Hello, Molly.

[B]

Hello, Mr. Wilcox.

[A]

Hi, Harlow. Hey, take my place in this line a while, will ya? I want to go sit down someplace for a while.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

Gee, I'm sorry, folks. I'd like to, but I haven't got time. I just dashed in here to mail some special orders to Racine, Wisconsin.

[A]

What do you mean by special orders? So says he with a sly twinkle in his eye.

[C]

Well, you know how important it is to have a home clean and shining with Johnson's Wax when all the family is home for the holidays.

[B]

Yes, we do.

[C]

And how gleaming hospitality of Johnson Waxed floors and furniture lends an air of cheerfulness to yuletide gathering.

[A]

Yeah, naturally.

[C]

Understand all and how Johnson's Wax will beautify and protect against the wear and tear of Christmas and New Year celebrations.

[B]

Dad.

[A]

Rabbit. What's so special about that?

[C]

Oh, just to get the orders in on time.

[A]

Oh, I see. So you can do your Christmas shipping early. Don't you get it, Molly?

[B]

Ah, tain't funny, McGee. You are Christmas shipping early. That's pure golden bantam for my money.

[C]

Yeah, the only difference between fibber and a corn crib is that you can hear the corn through his cracks.

[B]

I'll see you later. Say, who'd have thought we'd have to stand in line this long two weeks before Christmas? Blankets, cushions, folding chairs.

[C]

Might as well be comfortable while you wait, folks.

[B]

Blankets, falling chairs, Cushions.

[C]

Get your.

[B]

Oh, hello there, kid. Hello, Mr. Old Timer.

[A]

Since 20, you've been working in the post office, old timer?

[C]

No, I'm kind of a pensioner around here.

[B]

Kids. They give me the job in memory of my sister Nelly. Oh, dear. What happened to your sister Nellie?

[A]

Well, we never knew.

[B]

Daughter.

[C]

She was a Pony express rider in 1848.

[A]

One day she disappeared, mail bag and all.

[C]

Hollis figured she must have got caught in a landslide. A reckless critter, Nellie was.

[B]

But me and Ma, we never give up hope. We always thought that someday Nellie would hop. What's the matter? We plead for United States mail. It's Roy. Hey, Nell, it's me, your brother. Hi, Roy. How's Mo?

[C]

Fine.

[B]

Where have you been? I got caught by engines. Just got away three days ago. They got great news for you, Roy. They discovered gold in California. You don't say. Yep. Climb up in the saddle, Roy. Soon as I deliver this mail, I got to go home and get a clean shirt. This buckskin's beginning to chase me. Get up there. Make way for the US Mail, sir. I'm with.

[C]

The King's man. Sang Hilda.

[A]

They love Hilda who plays in the band she plays the bass drum and tell you she's grand the heart goes trick, trick, trick it yokes so high it beats so quick Then she gives up with a big hot lick Boom.

[C]

Boom, padoo ping Every feller bus to.

[A]

Tell her Bill, you see my bike she keeps beating and repeating Never in your life. O May, Hilda, may goodness you have filled us break Aching heart with gladness it's your ending vain and until the day you say a Bill the night's.

[C]

Heart filled with sadness Tell me, baby.

[A]

Pair A long fielder who plays in the band she plays the bass drum.

[C]

And I tell you she's grand My.

[A]

Heart goes flick, flick, flick it's jumped so high it's beats so quick Then she gives up with a big heart lick. Every feller wants a pattern Then you'd.

[C]

Be my bite she keeps beating and.

[A]

Repeating Never in your life.

[B]

Oh, McGee, deary, let me take those packages a while. Your arms must be numb.

[A]

Ain't so much my arms. It's. It's my foot. My. My foot is. Oh, hey, bud. You, you, you in front of me there.

[C]

See? Senor.

[A]

I don't like to be rude and you'll please forgive me for introducing myself, but I'm Fibber McGee.

[C]

Very happy to meet you, senor. Permit me to introduce me. I am Pedro Gonzalez Gomez Vargas Pereira de Paria.

[A]

Hi, Pete. Now that we know each other, will you please get off My foot.

[C]

Si, senor.

[A]

Thank you very much.

[C]

Espanada, senor. It is pleasure to do business with you. Anytime I can get off your foots, please let me know.

[A]

Don't think I won't, Bud.

[B]

You sound like two gentlemen of the old school with apples for the teacher.

[A]

Oh, well.

[B]

Oh, dear, I'm so tired.

[A]

Me too. For two cents, I'd dump these.

[C]

Hi there. Good day, my dear. And a dull December to you. Crab meat.

[A]

Hi, Boomer.

[B]

What are you doing in the post office, Mr. Boomer?

[C]

Always come in here to write my letters. Small, smart and smell nice. Wonderful feeling to be able to walk away from a federal pen without hearing bloodhounds in the distance.

[B]

I hope you're writing your dear old mother a Christmas letter, Mr. Boomer.

[C]

Exactly what I am doing, my dear. Have to be careful what I say, too. The warden reads every word of her letters. Let me see now. What did I do with mother's letter? Like to read it to you.

[A]

Ah, never mind, Boomer. We're too tired.

[C]

Now, let me see. When I put mother's letter. Had it right here a moment ago. Here's a short end of an exploded cigar. Just the butt of an old joke, you might say. Invitation to a New England boiled dinner. Ought to be interesting. Never been boiled at a New England dinner.

[B]

Well, Never mind looking, Mr. Boomer. We're in no mood.

[C]

Ah, what's this? Pair of cellophane gloves. Very handy to let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Couple of diamond shoulder clips I picked up as I shouldered my way out of a clip joint and check.

[B]

Well, well, imagine that.

[C]

A check made out to a man named Mortise Pan. Mortis Pan Morris.

[A]

M O y T I.

[C]

Excuse me while I go practice the signature. Good day, my dear.

[A]

What a crook, isn't he, though he.

[B]

Was born with a gold chisel in his mouth. How many ahead of us, dearie? I'm about ready to give up here.

[A]

Only three now, Molly. Just hang on. Oh, it's only two, lady. Just got through.

[B]

Hold the packages to one side, dearie. I want to lean against you a few minutes.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Turn next, madam. Hey, come on. We're next at the window, Molly. Thank goodness this will soon be over.

[B]

That's what I say. I'm completely exhausted.

[C]

All right, sir, you're next.

[A]

Ah, but you're a sight for sore eyes. Here. Now weigh them packages and tell me how much postage.

[C]

Sorry, sir.

[A]

Can't do that here. Huh?

[B]

Why not? We've been standing line here for three hours.

[C]

But this is the money order window.

[A]

You'll have to get in that long line over there.

[C]

Biber and Molly will be back in just a moment. Well, these certainly are busy times for all of us. There are so many more things to do than we can possibly squeeze into every 24 hours. That's probably one reason why so many women sing the praises of Johnson's Self Polishing Glow Coat, the floor polisher that saves them so many hours of work. With Glow Coat, the care of floors, especially linoleum surfaces, is remarkably simple. There's practically no work to it at all. Just pour a little Glo coat onto your clean floor, spread it around and let it dry. Come back in 20 minutes to find a sparkling surface, colors bright and cheerful, protected against scratches and dirt. And Glo Coat will greatly lengthen the life of your linoleum too. Ask your dealer for Johnson's Glo Coat in the familiar red and yellow can. And by the way, when you're making up your Christmas list, don't forget that either Glo Coat or Johnson's Wax makes a very useful and welcome gift for a friend.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, the prevention and control of tuberculosis is a year round fight. But only at Christmas time are you asked for financial support and encouragement.

[B]

That's right. So be sure your letters and packages are decorated with Christmas seals.

[A]

Thank you and good night.

[B]

Good night all.

[C]

This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing Gloat inviting you to be with us again next Tuesday night. Good night. Would you rather drive a dull dingy car or a sparkling shiny one? Maybe you still think the job of wax polishing is costly or hard work? Then let me urge you to investigate and try. Car new Johnson's Sensational New Easy to use auto polish. Car New does two things at once. Both cleans and wax polishes in one operation in half the time these jobs used to require Car new's cost is low and once you've seen what beautiful results it gives, you'll say with car owners everywhere, your car looks like new. When you use Car New spelled C A R N U. This is the National Broadcasting Company.

[A]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[C]

It's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.

[B]

Could you be more specific?

[C]

When it's cravinient. Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab.

[B]

And just the second at a.m. p.m. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[C]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[A]

Crave, which is anything from am pm.

[C]

What more could you want? Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience ampm. Too much good stuff. Want to make a difference in your community, but not sure how? Go to GoFundMe.com right now and start a GoFundMe. Seriously. Your next fundraiser doesn't have to start in a school parking lot or a church basement. You can start a GoFundMe today in just minutes. Fundraise for yourself, a friend or family member or an organization. All that matters is that you care about them. GoFundMe is the trusted place to fundraise for what you care about. With no pressure to hit your fundraising goal, but tons of tools to help you reach it, you can confidently start fundraising right now. Whether it's creative, local or critical, your cause matters and there's a reason why. GoFundMe is backed by millions and chosen by fundraisers everywhere. It works and it matters. GoFundMe helps you make a real difference. Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com. that's gofundme.com G O F U N D M E Com this is a commercial message brought to you by GoFundMe.