The Johnson Wax Program With Fibber McGee and Molly 1941-12-16 - Fibber Cuts His Own Tree

Summary

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Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: The Johnson Wax Program with Fibber McGee and Molly — "Fibber Cuts His Own Tree" (Originally aired 1941-12-16)

Date of Podcast Release: December 11, 2025
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio

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Episode Overview

This episode transports listeners to the 1940s, replaying the beloved radio comedy "Fibber McGee and Molly," specifically the festive episode, "Fibber Cuts His Own Tree." Set just before Christmas, the episode follows Fibber McGee's determination to save a dollar by venturing into the woods to chop down his own Christmas tree, much to the amusement (and mild exasperation) of his wife Molly and their neighbors. The story blends holiday nostalgia, slapstick humor, and the warmth of small-town life, all while weaving in lighthearted domestic mishaps, neighborly visits, and timely wartime public service messages.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Structure

1. Opening and Wartime Appeal (01:02–02:55)

• The show begins with holiday music and a dedication to the Red Cross, urging listeners to donate during wartime, echoing the genuine encouragement heard across 1940s America.
  • Quote (01:51):
    "He said in part that it was customary these days to press mans upon them will be great. But we are a great nation so let's give till it hurts." — Narrator

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2. Fibber's Christmas Tree Adventure (03:05–06:13)

• Fibber arrives home victorious and freezing, having chopped his own Christmas tree, only to face Molly’s practical questions about the mess and the time spent.
• A slapstick account of his misadventures, including a run-in with another tree-seeker, a lost hatchet, a $7 tire, and his own absent-mindedness sets the tone.
  • Quote (03:52):
    "Why should I stamp my feet? I ain't mad at anybody. Besides, they're so cold. I'm just walking from memory." — Fibber McGee
  • Typical of the show’s style, the running tally of Fibber’s economy effort quickly surpasses what a store-bought Christmas tree might have cost.
  • Quote (05:58):
    "$2 hatchet and a $7 tire... $39 for a 98-cent Christmas tree." — Molly

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3. Visits from Neighbors and Mayoral Mischief (06:22–07:13)

• Mayor LaTrivia visits regarding a possible job at City Hall for Fibber, but the opportunity (operating an elevator) deflates Fibber’s ego.
  • Molly and Fibber’s banter about the city hall job and police work brings out Fibber’s comedic self-importance.

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4. The Many Household Disasters and a Visit from "The Old Timer" (07:45–12:25)

• Recurring trouble with the window and a malfunctioning thermostat adds running gags throughout.
• "The Old Timer" invites Fibber out for some childlike snowy fun, underscoring the program’s intergenerational humor. A recurring joke about “Yanks and Japs” reflects the contemporary wartime culture.
• The Old Timer tells a joke, but the punchline is playfully muddled and interrupted by household chaos.

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5. Musical Interlude: "Thank Your Lucky Stars and Stripes" (12:42–14:24)

• Martha Tilton and The King’s Men perform a patriotic song, accentuating the show's morale-boosting function during the war years.

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6. Decorating Woes and More Visitors (14:24–18:53)

• As Fibber attempts to shape the oversized, misshapen tree, Molly critiques his style; hilarity ensues over its lopsidedness.
• Mrs. Uppington makes a grand entrance with a fashion disaster of a hat, which Fibber critiques with his trademark bluntness.
  • Quote (17:38):
    "Since I'm a plain-spoken man, think it's the worst monstrosity ever placed on a human head. It would make a Zulu medicine man swallow his spear." — Fibber McGee

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7. Mr. Wilcox, Johnson Wax, and Christmas Rhymes (18:59–20:54)

• Mr. Wilcox, the show's sponsor character, arrives and reads his unusually “flowery” greeting card blurb, cleverly promoting Johnson’s Wax and “self-polishing glow coat.”
  • Quote (19:44):
    "It reads, season's greetings to you, my friend from the Johnson Self Polishing Glow Coat Man. I hope that in 1942 and 43 and 44 and 45 and 46, you'll remember all those little snits or less. You're through. Just pour some out and spread it around and let it coat on your flow."

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8. Domestic Comedy and Spinach Philosophy (21:16–28:59)

• Mr. Wimple pays a visit, providing a window into his comedic, brow-beaten home life (“Sweetie Face”), with his trademark deadpan delivery.
  • Quote (22:33):
    "How much will you miss her? ... No. How much will you bet?" — Mr. Wimple
• Another musical number, “Coming Through the Rye,” brings in more holiday cheer.
• The husband-wife banter deepens as Molly confronts Fibber about “monkeying with” the furnace thermostat — yet another domestic mishap.
• A humorous yet strangely thoughtful exchange about why nature is called “she,” with Fibber’s mock-philosophy.
  • Quote (28:09):
    “Nature is called she because it's so inconsistent, unstable, unpredictable, beautiful, mean, gorgeous, appealing, nasty, and nobody yet has ever understood her.” — Fibber McGee

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9. Wrapping Up: Defense Bond Appeal and Final Laughs (29:05–30:14)

• The program closes with a patriotic appeal from Fibber and Molly, encouraging listeners to buy defense bonds and stamps, echoing the wartime spirit of civic duty.
  • Quote (29:25):
    "This isn't the other fellow's fight. It's yours and mine. So here it is again. Buy defense bonds and defense stamps." — Fibber McGee
  • Molly reminds the Canadian listeners about war savings certificates and victory bonds.

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Fibber’s Retelling of the Tree Fiasco
  (04:33)
  “Try and get it, I says, you don’t need this tree for last Christmas…”
• Old Timer’s Joke Segment
  (12:03)
  “That’s pretty good, Johnny. But that ain’t the way I heared it...”
• Mr. Wilcox’s Poetic Product Plug
  (19:44)
  “Season's greetings to you, my Fran from the Johnson Self Polishing Blow Coat Man... let it coat on your flow.”
• On Nature and Spinach
  (28:09)
  “Nature is called she because it's so inconsistent, unstable, unpredictable, beautiful, mean, gorgeous, appealing, nasty, and nobody yet has ever understood her.”
• Defense Bond Appeal
  (29:25)
  “This fight isn't the other fellow's. It's yours and mine... buy defense bonds and defense stamps.” — Fibber McGee

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Timeline of Key Segments

• 01:02–02:55: Show opening, Red Cross and wartime fundraising message.
• 03:05–06:13: Fibber recounts his Christmas tree adventure.
• 06:22–07:13: Visit from Mayor LaTrivia.
• 07:45–12:25: Window/thermostat gags; The Old Timer’s visit and jokes.
• 12:42–14:24: "Thank Your Lucky Stars and Stripes" song.
• 14:24–18:53: Tree trimming disasters; Mrs. Uppington’s visit.
• 18:59–20:54: Visit from Mr. Wilcox; product rhyme segment.
• 21:16–28:59: Mr. Wimple’s comic family news, "Coming Through the Rye", and domestic banter.
• 29:05–30:14: Patriotic closing; defense bond appeal.

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is filled with quick-fire wordplay, slapstick, and affectionate bickering, offering a loving portrait of pre-war American family life. Humor is both gentle and pointed, and the spirit of neighborliness and community pervades each scene. Patriotic appeals and comic domestic disasters are woven together, providing both holiday cheer and a sense of civic responsibility—all in the trademark, lighthearted style of "Fibber McGee and Molly."

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(Summary prepared for listeners who’d like the warmth, wit, and spirit of the program, whether or not they experienced the original broadcast.)

Transcript

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[Narrator]

The johnson wax program with bibber mcgee and valley.

The makers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing Glow coat present Bibber McGee and Molly written by Don Quinn with songs by Martha Tilton and the King's Men and music by Billy Mills. The show opens with the national emblem March.

Cross Speak Last night he was asking for money. He said in part.

Ladies and gentlemen, I heard an officer of the Red Cross speak last night. He was asking for money. He said in part that it was customary these days to press mans upon them will be great. But we are a great nation so let's give till it hurts.

Urgently and immediately. Now, for 130 million people that's the price of a few cigars or a lipstick. The Red Cross is always ready to help in times of war and disaster. And from now on the the demands upon them will be great. But we are a great nation so let's give to.

The house. Frostbitten but triumphant, we find that lumberjack.

The master of 79 Wistful Vista is not one to squander a buck and a quarter for a Christmas tree when he can drive out of the woods and chop down his own. No sir. And here driving up to the house, frostbitten but triumphant, we find that lumberjack who saves Jack on his lumber.

[Bibber McGee]

Gotta get them brakes fixed. Boy, am I cold. Well, come on, Christmas tree. Come to papa. You got a new home.

[Molly]

Oh, McGee, you're getting snow all over the hall. Why didn't you stamp your feet?

[Bibber McGee]

Why should I stamp my feet? I ain't mad at anybody. Besides, they're so cold. I'm just walking from memory.

[Molly]

There you poor lad.

[Bibber McGee]

Let me take your coat, shorty. And I says, yeah? I says, tossing my hatchet up in the air and catching it by the handle.

Fly and get it, I says, you don't need this tree for last Christmas, I says. And he says, oh, did you actually.

[Molly]

Fight for it, dearie?

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, it didn't come down to actual brawl, no. One guy ups to me and says, that's my tree, Shorty. And I says, yeah, I says, tossing my hatchet up in the air and catching it by the handle.

Try and get it, I says, you don't need this tree for last Christmas. I says. And he says, what do you mean last Christmas? Well, I says, sinister like, advancing toward him with a nasty look.

[Molly]

You lay a blade on that.

[Bibber McGee]

So I just sneered and walked away. Double time.

[Molly]

Ah, Good for you, McGee. Did he go away then?

[Bibber McGee]

No, he started swinging his axe at me. And just then I noticed that this tree, which was a little farther along and was even bigger and better.

[Molly]

Oh yeah.

[Bibber McGee]

So I just sneered and walked away. Double time.

Next spring when the snow melts, I'll go. Oh my gosh, what's that?

[Molly]

Oh, it's that window shut.

[Bibber McGee]

Now I just.

[Molly]

Because you so long to get it home, you know you've been gone six hours.

[Bibber McGee]

Well, I had a blowout on the way back and had to stop and buy a new secondhand tire. Cost me seven bucks.

[Molly]

Where's the hatchet?

[Bibber McGee]

I lost it in the snow, but I know just where it is. And next spring when the snow melts, I'll. Oh my gosh, what's that?

[Molly]

Oh, it's that window in the dining room. I opened it because it was so hot in here and it won't stay open.

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, well, I'll fix it when I get time. By the way, what time is it?

[Molly]

It's after four. Why? Where's your wristwatch?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, I took it off to chop this tree down and forgot all about it. Then when I went back to look for it, moth eating shrubs. They're selling downtown. When I want a tree, I want a tree, not a bouquet.

[Molly]

A $2 hatchet and a $7 tire. $39 for a 98 cent Christmas tree.

Oh, happy Yule Tide.

[Bibber McGee]

Well, I didn't want one of those measly little moth eating shrubs. They're selling downtown. When I want a tree, I want a tree, not a bouquet. Come in.

[Molly]

Oh, hello, Mayor latrivia.

[Narrator]

Good day, Mrs. McGee. I say, McGee.

[Bibber McGee]

Yes?

[Narrator]

About that job you wanted in the city hall. I'm still working on it, but I'LL have to have a little information.

[Molly]

Well, tell the nice mayor what he wants to know, dearie.

[Bibber McGee]

Okay. Dig me. LI Detective force of Wistful Mister, I.

[Child/Neighbor]

Order you to make way there. Stand back everybody.

[Molly]

The police.

[Narrator]

This wouldn't be a police job, McGee. Oh, but one of the elevator operators has just been drafted. Crowds of people all asking you questions. Can you ignore the whispers behind your back? Can you give orders in a loud tone of authority?

[Bibber McGee]

Boy, can I Listen to this Triv. All right, folks, as captain of the detective force of Wistful Vista, I order.

[Child/Neighbor]

You to make way there. Stand back everybody.

[Molly]

The police.

[Narrator]

This wouldn't be a police job, McGee. Oh, but one of the elevator operators has just been drafted and I've suggested you.

I'll let you know later. Good day.

[Bibber McGee]

Why that small minded boat grabbing baby.

[Molly]

Chicken is at present sleeping its edge off under a snow drift 18 miles north of town.

[Bibber McGee]

Yeah, well, we got a saw, haven't we?

[Molly]

Not a very good one. It's all bent.

[Bibber McGee]

Who bent it?

[Molly]

You did.

[Bibber McGee]

Huh?

[Molly]

After you saw that vaudeville act at the Bees you last.

[Bibber McGee]

Get me a hatchet, will you?

[Molly]

The hatchet, dear boy, according to your official communique.

[Bibber McGee]

Yeah.

[Molly]

Is at present sleeping its edge off under a snow drift 18 miles north of town.

[Bibber McGee]

Yeah, well we got a saw, haven't we?

[Molly]

Not a very good one. It's all bent.

[Bibber McGee]

Who bent it?

[Molly]

You did.

[Bibber McGee]

Huh?

[Molly]

After you saw that vaudeville act at the Bees you last October. You tried to play pony boy on it, remember?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, I guess it'll still work. Say, it's awful hot in here.

[Molly]

Yes, it is. I'll open that dining room window again. The thermostat on the furnace is out of order. And I've got the other tree.

[Bibber McGee]

Boy, am I tired. Ah, but what a tree. Why, this will give us enough kindling wood for all summer. Thing work, huh? Who? Your niece. Somebody grabbed her and kissed her during the.

[Molly]

Our little ornaments are going to look awful silly on it.

[Bibber McGee]

Yeah, I never thought of that. I better order a bigger assortment of ornaments. Hand me the phone, will ya?

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[Bibber McGee]

Thanks. Hello, operator. Give me the wishful vista novelty and day. Oh, is that you, Mert?

How's every little thing, Mert? Huh? Who? Your niece. Somebody grabbed her and kissed her during the blackout.

[Molly]

Oh, heavenly days, McGee. Does she know who twas?

[Bibber McGee]

She'll recognize him when she sees him. He'll have lipstick all over his face, neck and shirt front.

[Molly]

From just one kiss.

[Bibber McGee]

What do you mean, one kiss? That blackout lasted three hours.

[Molly]

Tarzan who? I said Tarzan who? Oh, stop it, Magee. That's right.

[Bibber McGee]

I didn't say anything. You says Tarzan who?

[Molly]

Tarzan who you shouting at?

Hey, what's that? Magee? Tanal. He's in that tree.

[Bibber McGee]

Huh?

[Molly]

Look up on the fourth branch and trim out a hundred or so branches. Tarzan or somebody might be hiding in there.

[Bibber McGee]

Who?

[Molly]

Tarzan who? I said Tarzan who? Oh, stop it, McGee. That.

[Bibber McGee]

I didn't say anything. You says Tarzan who?

[Molly]

Tarzan, who you shouting at?

[Child/Neighbor]

Hey, what's that, McGee?

[Molly]

It's an owl. He's in that tree. Look. Up on the fourth flag. Oh, my God.

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, my gosh. Shake the tree, Molly. Open the door and we'll sho him out.

[Child/Neighbor]

O you.

[Bibber McGee]

Come on, get out of that, you big buzzard. Go on, Spam.

[Molly]

Take it harder, Miggy. There he goes.

[Child/Neighbor]

Chase him, Molly. Chase him.

[Molly]

This way.

[Child/Neighbor]

Look out. Put out. Look out.

[Molly]

Scat. Go away, birdie. He won't even look at me, McGee.

[Bibber McGee]

Well, owls don't see good in the daytime.

[Molly]

Well, what do you expect me to do? Buying some glasses?

[Child/Neighbor]

Hey, there he goes. Go on, beat it, Scrap.

[Molly]

Well, thank goodness. Those things give me the creep.

[Bibber McGee]

Me too. Though I will say it was decent of him to back up my judgment.

[Molly]

What are you talking about?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, owls are wise birds, and we both pick out the spirit. Same tree.

Don't you get it, Molly?

[Child/Neighbor]

I want to know if you could come out and play. Some of us kids are building the snow for it in that vacant lot up on the corner. Having a pick of fun?

[Molly]

No, thank you. We've got work to do. Mr. Oldtimer, I'm afraid you left a romp in the snow without. No. We buy our firewood on the hook, Mr. Oldtimer.

[Bibber McGee]

What's on your mind? Besides that Daniel Boone cap?

[Child/Neighbor]

Old Timer, just wanted to know if you could come out and play. Some of us kids are building the snow fort in that vacant lot up on the corner. Having a peck of fun.

[Molly]

No, thank you. We've got work to do. Mr. Old Timer, I'm afraid you Left a romp in the snow without us.

[Child/Neighbor]

Oh, gee, kids, come on.

We wanted to choose up sides and play Yanks and Japs, Only nobody wants to be a jab.

He. What was that?

[Molly]

Oh, it's just the dining room window, Mr. Old Timer. It won't stay open.

[Child/Neighbor]

He.

Well, way I hear it, one feller says, tell a feller.

That's pretty good, Johnny. But that ain't the way I heared it. The way I heared it. Hey, what was that?

[Molly]

Oh, it's just the dining room window, Mr. Old Timer. It won't stay open, see?

[Child/Neighbor]

Oh, well, I heared it. One feller says, tullafeller.

Thank your lucky Stars and stripes.

If you peaches from a beer garden. Well, says tell a feller that's so when he starts foaming at the mouth, nobody will notice it.

[Narrator]

Martha Tilton sings. Thank your lucky Stars and Stripes.

[Molly]

If you live right you like the good old Yankee way so say so. If you can sing and believe in anything you can thank your team. You can thank your lucky stars and stripes team Heat and ham and eggs and hay rides and slider kegs if you like the good old Yankee way so say so if you can sing and believe in anything you can thank your lucky stars and stripes.

It's just fun on Dollar day you can thank your lucky stars and stripes.

[Bibber McGee]

If you.

[Molly]

You can, Jo. And enjoy an artichoke bell.

Well.

If life is gay if there's fun on Dollar day you can thank your lucky stars and stripes.

If you can, Joe. And enjoy an artichoke you can thank your lucky stars and stripes.

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, they cut down the old pine tree and they.

[Molly]

Go.

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, they cut down the old pine tree and they hauled it away to the mill to make an.

[Molly]

Well, listen, now, try and be a little quieter. Uncle Dennis is upstairs taking a thank you. You have to sing with your sawing?

[Bibber McGee]

No, I don't have to, but it helps. Hey, how's it look now, Molly? Beginning to shape up pretty good, eh?

[Molly]

Yes, if you like that shape. It's pretty lopsided.

[Bibber McGee]

It is?

[Mr. Wimple]

Where?

[Bibber McGee]

Oh. Oh, yeah, sure. Well, I can trim that side off a little more. It's a good thing I got a big tree to start with. You know it.

[Molly]

Well, yeah. Listen, now, try and be a little quieter. Uncle Dennis is upstairs taking a nap.

[Bibber McGee]

That guy's always taking a nap. Anybody I ever knew? Oh, well. Oh, I cut down the old pine.

[Child/Neighbor]

Tree and I hauled it away in my car.

[Molly]

McGee, there's somebody at the door.

[Bibber McGee]

Who?

[Molly]

I don't know. Let me See? Now, now, let's not start on poor uncle Dennis again. He's a gentleman and a scholar.

[Bibber McGee]

He ought to be a scholar. He's had more teachers than anybody I ever knew. Oh, well. Oh, I cut down the old pine tree and I hauled it away in my car.

[Molly]

McGee, there's somebody at the door.

[Bibber McGee]

Who?

[Molly]

I don't know. Let me teach. Oh, it's Mrs. Uppington.

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, not the Mrs. Uppington. The choicest crumb in our upper crust.

[Molly]

Yes, and wearing a hat that was made in a hurry by a cross eyed milliner wearing boxing gloves.

[Child/Neighbor]

Come here.

[Molly]

And Abigail, darling, say that if I.

[Bibber McGee]

Carried my handkerchief in my sleeve.

[Molly]

Say, I didn't know you were such a lover of the great open spaces, Abigail.

[Child/Neighbor]

Oh, my dear, I used to simply send. Oh, I simply adore the scent of freshly cut lumber. Really, it's so invigorating and so. So outdoorsy, you might say.

[Bibber McGee]

Yeah, I might say that if I carried my handkerchief in my sleeve.

[Molly]

Say, I didn't know you were such a lover of the great open spaces, Abigail.

[Child/Neighbor]

Oh, my dear, I used to simply spend all my time at my hunting lodge in Maine roughing it, you know.

[Bibber McGee]

Ever hunt any Moose, McGee?

[Molly]

Watch your commas D.

Well, did you.

[Bibber McGee]

Uppie feeling that something. Something was creeping up on you? Ready to pounce any minute and suddenly.

[Molly]

Help. He got me.

[Child/Neighbor]

Shoot him.

[Molly]

Take it easy, McGee. Take it easy.

Don't pay any attention to him, Abigail. You know he thinks he's a great woodsman because he shot a bear in Alaska last summer.

[Bibber McGee]

Well, that was something. If you ever walk through a dark forest with. With the feeling that something. Something was creeping up on you. Ready to pounce any minute and suddenly he got me.

[Child/Neighbor]

Shoot him.

[Molly]

Make it easy, Magee. Take it easy. It's just the window in the dining room.

It won't stay open. Abigail. But say, where did you get that hat? I haven't been.

[Bibber McGee]

Since I'm a plain spoken man. Think it's the worst monstrosity ever placed on a human head. It would make a Zulu medicine man swallow his spear.

[Child/Neighbor]

That's exactly why I dropped over today, my dear, to see if you liked it. Do you, Mr. McGee?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, confidentially, Eppie, since I'm a plain spoken man, think it's the worst monstrosity ever placed on a human head. It would make a Zulu medicine man swallow his spear.

[Child/Neighbor]

Splendid. I'm a success. What I just said to myself, if Mr. McGee likes it, I will simply have to give it to my cook. That's it.

[Bibber McGee]

Okay. I got the needles galore sprinkled over the floor in the shade of the old pine tree Mr. Hey, Molly, how does she look now?

[Molly]

Well, it looks better, McGee. At least we can get in the same room with it. Not in half, dearie. When it comes to fashions, you'd better just do one thing.

[Narrator]

What's that?

[Molly]

It's all wood.

[Child/Neighbor]

Huh?

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, okay. I got needles galore sprinkled over the floor in the shade of the old pine tree. Hey, Molly, how's she look now?

[Molly]

Well, it looks better begee. At least we can get in the same room with it. Now, if you'll trim some more off the far side there.

[Bibber McGee]

Okay. Oh, hi, Harlow.

[Narrator]

Hello, Bibber. Hello, Molly.

[Molly]

Hello, Mr. Wilcox. Won't you come in? Get some sawdust all over your clothes?

[Narrator]

Say, what goes on here anyway?

[Bibber McGee]

I went out and cut down my own Christmas tree, Harlow. Now I got to shorten the sleeves on it a little.

[Narrator]

Well, you sure got the room in a mess, pal.

[Molly]

Tired.

[Mr. Wimple]

Could be too flowery.

[Bibber McGee]

Why, certainly not. Let them drip, I always says. Oh, read the blurb. Black Sea. All right.

[Narrator]

It reads, the season's greetings to you, my friend from the Johnson Valley. I'm a little worried about the greeting cards I ordered this year. I'm afraid the sentiment is a little too flowery.

[Molly]

Well, read one to us, Mr. Wilcox. Though personally, I don't think a greeting.

[Mr. Wimple]

Card could be too flowery.

[Bibber McGee]

Why, certainly not. Let them drip, I always says. Well, read the blurb. Flaxy, all right.

[Narrator]

It reads the season's greetings to you, my Fran from the Johnson Self Polishing Blow Coat Man. I Hope that in 1942 and 43 and 44 and 45 and 46, you'll remember all those little snits or less. You're through. Just pour some out and spread it around and let it coat on your flow.

[Child/Neighbor]

On your flow.

[Molly]

I'll shut my mouth. Honey.

You should have did it.

[Bibber McGee]

Your husband's wife. If that ain't the corny.

[Narrator]

Hey, what's that lovely gloss in the dandy sheen? Eliminates rubbing and buffing, too. And in 20 minutes or less, you're through. Just pour some out and spread it around and let it dry. And then you found the color and pattern have come to life and so have you. Your husband's wife.

[Child/Neighbor]

Oh, that's your husband's wife.

[Bibber McGee]

If that ain't their corn.

[Narrator]

Hey, what's that noise?

[Bibber McGee]

That was Longfellow turning over Harlow.

Naive character, isn't it?

[Molly]

Molly, how are.

[Bibber McGee]

I was talking to him one Day and he looks all around to see if anybody was listening. Then whispers to me that Santa Claus didn't really live at the North Pole. Said he really?

[Narrator]

Okay, okay, I'll get something else.

[Bibber McGee]

Naive character, isn't he, Molly?

[Molly]

How naive?

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, I was talking to him one day and he looks all around to see if anybody was listening. Then whispers to me that Santa Claus didn't really live at the North Pole. He said he really lived in Racine, Wisconsin.

[Molly]

That tree's getting awfully small. Better not trim it much more.

[Bibber McGee]

I know, but I decided that it would look a lot better up on the piano.

[Molly]

Well, that'll be nice. Then it'll be out of the way.

[Bibber McGee]

Yeah, that's right.

[Molly]

I'll go out and fix that dining room window.

[Bibber McGee]

Okay. Oh, I cut down the old pine tree.

[Child/Neighbor]

Cause the ones at the door were not free.

[Mr. Wimple]

I'm spending the holidays in Chicago with Mama and Papa.

[Molly]

Is your wife going with you, Mr. Wimple?

[Mr. Wimple]

Who? Sweetie Face?

[Molly]

Uh huh.

[Mr. Wimple]

No, she has to stay here. A mint. How are you today, Mr. McGee?

[Bibber McGee]

That is a fiddle and ready to play Humoresque, Wimple Shrimp. What's up with you?

[Mr. Wimple]

I just dropped in to say goodbye for a couple of weeks is all. I'm spending the holidays in Chicago with Mama and Papa.

[Molly]

Is your wife going with you, Mr. Wimple?

[Mr. Wimple]

Who? Sweetie Face? No, she has to stay here a minute.

[Narrator]

Knit.

[Bibber McGee]

Can't she knit on the train?

[Mr. Wimple]

Not so good, Mr. McGee. She broke three ribs wrestling with a policeman and the doctor says she.

Oh, I. I shouldn't say that. I suppose Sweetie Face is really a wonderful woman at heart. The whole force is just crazy and steady with her. At least I think they are.

[Bibber McGee]

I'll bet you'll miss her, Wimple.

[Mr. Wimple]

How much?

[Molly]

How much will you miss her?

[Mr. Wimple]

No. How much will you bet?

Oh, I. I shouldn't say that. I suppose Sweetie Face is really a wonderful woman at heart, if any. And I doubt it.

[Bibber McGee]

Well, we'll call on her while you're gone, Wimple, and see if there's anything we can do.

[Molly]

Yes, we might take her some fruit or something.

[Mr. Wimple]

Oh, I wouldn't advise it, Mrs. McGe.

[Narrator]

The king's men sing Coming through the ride.

The king's men sing Coming through the ride.

[Child/Neighbor]

Give a body, meet a body Come and grow.

Coming through the right.

Coming through the ride if a body beat her body Coming through the rye.

[Bibber McGee]

If a body kiss her body the.

[Child/Neighbor]

Body cry Every little lady has a body now everyone must have a loving.

[Bibber McGee]

Lassie but they say that the lassies.

[Child/Neighbor]

Always Pass me by yet all the girls they smile at me Coming through the rye if a body beat a body Coming through the rye if a.

[Bibber McGee]

Body kiss a body the body cry.

[Child/Neighbor]

Every little laddie has a body There's a lassie but may they say hey, ay.

[Bibber McGee]

Yet I'll be. Lads and lads get together in the.

[Child/Neighbor]

Heather when we're coming but we are coming through the.

[Molly]

Well, is it still awfully hot in.

[Bibber McGee]

Here, McGee, you're asking the wrong.

What are you sounding now?

[Molly]

The emperor got that prefix, Jeff?

[Bibber McGee]

No, it won't be long now, Molly. Anyway, I hope not. This saw is getting duller than a bus trip to Bloomington.

[Molly]

Well, is it still awfully hot in here, McGee?

[Bibber McGee]

You're asking the wrong man, Mrs. McGee. I'd be hot right now if I was up to my clavicle in ice cubes. This is a warm work.

[Molly]

Well, I hate to keep that dining room window open, but the thermostat on the furnace simply won't work. Say, have you been monkeying with that McGee? Who, me?

[Bibber McGee]

Yes, you, with the thermostat. Cotton. One of the little screws. And the first thing I knew, I.

[Molly]

Had it all apart. I know that, too. But did you monkey with it.

When any kind.

[Bibber McGee]

Well, say, I did kind of tinker with it last night at that.

[Molly]

Now it comes out. And just what did you do to it, mastermind?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, I was walking past it with a screwdriver in my hand, and the screwdriver caught one of the little screws, and the first thing I knew, I had it all apart.

Wonderful little gadget, too.

[Molly]

McGee, I don't know what I'm going to do with you.

[Bibber McGee]

That's a coincidence, Molly. I don't know what I'm going to do with this little dingus I took.

[Molly]

Out of it, either.

[Bibber McGee]

I couldn't find any way to get it back in there.

[Molly]

Well, why didn't you tell me so I could call the furnace man?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, I was going to fix it myself when I got finished with this tree. I'll fix it. Stop a while. I'm missing two minutes.

[Molly]

Well, you going in that percolator?

[Bibber McGee]

What, you mean it throws coffee across.

[Molly]

The room like a fire extinguisher.

And my electric toaster. Oh, well, I have to fix breakfast. Warning. A catcher's mitt.

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, well.

No machine is perfect. As soon as I finish with this tree, I'll fix it. Stop a while. I'm missing two months.

[Molly]

Well, you going in, and I'll go up in that dining room with you.

[Bibber McGee]

No, take a look at this saw. Only 3 years old and its teeth are all shot. Let that be a lesson to you. Okay, mister, I wish you wouldn't bother me anymore. Now I got to finish this job and get the sawdust swept out.

[Molly]

Do you know it smells dandy in here?

[Bibber McGee]

Sure does. No nicer smell in the world than a cedar. Look, do you always drink your milk like a good girl?

[Molly]

Sure I do. I bet you.

[Bibber McGee]

Why? Well, you better, that's all. Take a look at this saw. Only 3 years old and its teeth are all shot. Let that be a lesson to you. Okay, mister, I wish you wouldn't bother me anymore. Now I gotta finish this job and get the sawdust swept out.

[Molly]

Do you know it smells dandy in here?

[Bibber McGee]

Sure does. No nicer smell in the world than a cedar tree. It's one of nature's lures to keep get us out into the great outdoors.

[Child/Neighbor]

Is it honest, mister?

[Bibber McGee]

Sure it is. You got to realize this, that there's a reason for everything in nature.

[Molly]

Oh, what's nature's reason for spinach, huh?

[Bibber McGee]

Why, sis, do you mean to stand there with your little arms sticking out of your shoulders?

Sis, nature is called she because it's so inconsistent, unstable, unpredictable, beautiful, mean, gorgeous, appealing, nasty and nobody yet she. Nature, sis, is always referred to as she.

[Mr. Wimple]

Why?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, oh boy, here's my chance to make Reader's Digest.

Nature is called she because it's so inconsistent, unstable, unpredictable, beautiful, mean, gorgeous, appealing, nasty, and nobody yet has ever understood her.

[Molly]

Do you think the Reader's Digest would like that?

[Bibber McGee]

Well, don't you trim the end a little bit. I'm just gonna go there.

[Molly]

Oh, heavenly days. There goes that window again.

[Bibber McGee]

You don't have to worry about it anymore, Molly.

That's the last time I ever try to explain something to her. If I'm smart. Okay. Oh. Aha. Now we're getting someplace. Now to cut her down on the sides, trim the ends a little bit.

[Molly]

Heavenly days. There goes that window again.

[Bibber McGee]

You don't have to worry about it anymore, Molly. Here. Here's a nice stick I made for you to prop it up with.

[Molly]

Oh, fine, dear. It's just the thing.

[Mr. Wimple]

Thank you.

[Bibber McGee]

Oh, forget it. It's nothing that any red blooded American.

[Molly]

Boy, it was very thoughtful of you. Now, McGee, say, what became of the.

[Bibber McGee]

Christmas tree program and others for the past two weeks you've heard urgent requests to buy defense fence. I got her trimmed down a little too fine.

[Molly]

Well, that's that, I guess.

[Bibber McGee]

Now to go to work on that thermostat.

[Child/Neighbor]

No, no, don't do it.

[Bibber McGee]

Folks. Day after day and night after night on this program and others. For the past two weeks you've heard urgent requests to buy defense bonds and defense stamps. They come to your door selling bonds and stamps. Stamps. Get down to your bank or post office and lay it on the line. This isn't the other fellow's fight. It's it's yours and mine. So here it is again. Buy defense bonds and defense stamps.

[Molly]

Yes, Nikki Lip.

[Bibber McGee]

It's going to cost a lot of money to win it. But it would cost a lot more than mere money to lose it. Now don't wait for somebody to come to your door selling bonds and stamps. Get down to your bank or post office and lay it on the line. This isn't the other fellow's fight. It's yours and mine. So here it is again. Buy defense bonds and defense stamps.

[Molly]

Yes, and if you live in Canada, buy war savings certificates or victory bonds.

[Bibber McGee]

Good night.

[Molly]

Good night.

[Bibber McGee]

All.

[Narrator]

The makers of Johnson's Wax, Johnson's Self Polishing Blow coats presents Bibber McGee and Molly. Written by Don Quinn with songs by the King's Men and music by Billy Mills.