The Roma Wine Show 1943-11-08 Thanksgiving

Summary

Episode Summary: The Roma Wine Show 1943-11-08 Thanksgiving

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: November 4, 2025 (Rebroadcast)

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Overview:

This episode features a full classic broadcast of the "Roma Wine Show" from November 8, 1943, a wartime variety radio program brimming with music, comedy, and heartwarming Thanksgiving-themed skits. The episode stars Mary Astor, Charlie Ruggles, and Misha Auer, with guest performances by the Pied Pipers and an ensemble of comic characters. The focus is on lighthearted entertainment, Thanksgiving spirit, and lots of playful banter, all wrapped in the cozy nostalgia of 1940s radio.

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Main Segments & Highlights

1. Wartime Banter and Navy Jokes

• Mary Astor, Charlie Ruggles, and Misha Auer kick off the show with humorous exchanges honoring American servicemen, specifically the Navy, blending topical references and wordplay (01:53–02:51).
  • Quote:
    • Misha: "Up in Hollywood Boulevard... 'Get a look at what's coming over the horizon. Two nifty little destroyers.' ... 'Yeah, but look. What's with them minesweepers?'" (01:59)
  • Atmosphere: Whimsical and patriotic, steeped in camaraderie, with references to Hollywood and Navy life.

2. Sponsor Moment: Roma Wines

• A classic sponsor spot emphasizes the quality and affordability of Roma, California wines, underscoring simple rituals of relaxation in challenging times (04:42–06:05).
  • Quote:
    • "Roma wines bring you sunbeams from warm valleys for your cool fall and winter evening." – Frank Martin (05:23)

3. Memoirs of Misha the Magnificent: Wild Animal Edition

• Misha Auer presents a comical pseudo-autobiographical tale, journeying from childhood animal lover to would-be explorer, full of puns and slapstick dialogue (06:14–13:31).
  • Fun Moments:
    • Misha is inspired by his father: "With that face you ought to be in the zoo." (07:25)
    • Surreal journey includes:
      • Boarding a ship for the jungle
      • Odd flirtation with "Clarissa"
      • Meeting days-of-the-week-themed castaways ("I'm Saturday... those are Sunday, Monday, and always.") (11:02)
      • Capturing a "cow with no horns"—which turns out to be a horse (13:29)
  • Memorable Quote:
    • "I was on this turtle for so long that I finally turned turtle." – Narrator (11:17)

4. Musical Interlude: The Pied Pipers

• The Pied Pipers perform "I Dug a Ditch," a bouncy, novelty tune that adds to the homey, fun atmosphere (14:06–16:07).
  • Charming Line:
    • "I've got an itch just to leave that ditch, I want to go back to Marie who stuck to me before." – Charlie Ruggles (15:02)

5. Thanksgiving Play Rehearsal: Fish and Chowder Club

• The anticipated Thanksgiving skit is introduced with theatrical backstage banter, costume gags, and playful jabs about a Brown Derby restaurant sponsorship (16:14–18:04).
  • Standout Comedy:
    • Mrs. Staveley claims her right to be in the play because she's "head of the Chowder Club."
    • "Lots of marriages are potluck, Mrs. Staveley." – Misha Auer (19:13)

6. Wine Etiquette Q&A

• Mary Astor addresses a listener's question about wine service, promoting the inclusivity and simplicity of Roma wines in everyday American homes (19:48–20:52).
  • Quote:
    • "You don't need fancy glassware to enjoy the goodness of Roma California wines... Roma wines are just as thoroughly enjoyed on tables covered with checkered cloth as with the rarest of lace or linen." – Mary Astor (20:01)

7. The Thanksgiving Pageant (Staged Play-Within-a-Show)

• The highlight is a playful, intentionally over-the-top dramatization of the Pilgrims’ first Thanksgiving, complete with tongue-in-cheek "Old English" and vaudeville-inspired humor (21:06–28:58).
  • Plot Highlights:
    • Captain John Smith (Charlie Ruggles) pleads for peace with the Indians.
    • Exchanges filled with 1940s pop culture gags and punning on Indian names.
    • Mrs. Staveley repeatedly disrupts in the wrong costume, covered in feathers from stuffing the turkey (26:44).
  • Notable Quotes:
    • "There's no reason why us thou and meest cannot be friends, is there?" – Misha Auer (22:05)
    • "All the good actors are working, you know." – Misha Auer (25:24)
    • "I can't stuff the turkey... I can't get him to open his mouth." – Mrs. Staveley (28:49)
    • "Don't worry about it, Mrs. Staveley. This play is the biggest turkey anyone would want for Thanksgiving. So good night, folks." – Misha Auer (28:58)

8. Warm, Whimsical Sign-Off

• Mary Astor, Frank Martin, and the cast exchange jokes and wish the radio audience a good night, reinforcing the episode’s cozy, family-centered tone (29:17–29:37).
  • Quote:
    • "You eat at your house, and I'll eat at my house." – Misha Auer (29:33)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "Up in Hollywood Boulevard... Get a look at what's coming over the horizon. Two nifty little destroyers... Yeah, but look. What's with them minesweepers?" – Misha Auer (01:59)
• "With that face you ought to be in the zoo." – Misha Auer’s Father (07:25)
• "I was on this turtle for so long that I finally turned turtle." – Narrator (11:17)
• "You don't need fancy glassware to enjoy the goodness of Roma California wines." – Mary Astor (20:01)
• "I can't stuff the turkey... I can't get him to open his mouth." – Mrs. Staveley (28:49)
• "This play is the biggest turkey anyone would want for Thanksgiving." – Misha Auer (28:58)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Wartime Banter and Navy Jokes: 01:53–02:51
• Roma Wine Sponsor Message: 04:42–06:05
• Memoirs of Misha the Magnificent: 06:14–13:31
• The Pied Pipers Musical Number: 14:06–16:07
• Thanksgiving Play Rehearsal Backstage: 16:14–19:24
• Wine Service Q&A: 19:48–20:52
• Thanksgiving Pageant (Play): 21:06–28:58
• Cast Farewell: 29:17–29:37

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Style & Tone

• Language: Playful, pun-filled, warm, and inclusive, with vintage showbiz flair and a dash of slapstick.
• Atmosphere: Nostalgic, community-oriented, and filled with good-natured humor rooted in family Thanksgiving traditions.

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Conclusion

This episode showcases a seamless blend of 1940s American radio charm: affable stars, music, sponsor patter, and a heartfelt (if hilariously chaotic) celebration of Thanksgiving. It’s a loving snapshot of an era when warmth, wit, and togetherness were beamed into living rooms nationwide—served up here with a generous helping of laughs, thanks, and Roma wine.

Transcript

[Sarah]

Hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of AM PM Right now, and, well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling, Even kind of cheesy. But I like it. Sure, you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all. So farewell, oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy.

[Narrator]

Break up with bland breakfast and taste AM PM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit.

[Frank Martin]

Made with ktree eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit.

[Narrator]

AM PM Too much. Good stuff.

[Savage Beast]

My, my.

[Frank Martin]

Thursday, the Roma Wine Show. Starring Charlie Ruggles, Mary Aster and Misha Hour. Yes, it's the Thursday night Roma Wine show, brought to you by the Roma Wine Company of Fresno, California. And stepping down from the screen to greet you in person is Roma's hostess, ladies and gentlemen, Mary Aster.

[Mary Astor]

Thank you and hello, everybody. On behalf of Roma Wine, welcome to our Thursday night show. On hand to make it a great evening, we have the sensational singing combination of the Pied Pipers. Misha Auer will delve into his past for another of those fabulous adventures. And Charlie Ruggles produces a Thanksgiving play with the aid of Mrs. Snavely and his neighborhood friends. So plan to spend this half hour with us and meet the two stars of our show, Charlie Ruggles and Misha Auer. Hello, Charlie. Hello, Misha.

[Charlie Ruggles]

Hello, Mary.

[Narrator]

Greetings, my little fluffy ruffled petunia.

[Misha Auer]

You know, Mary, I was just thinking. These American circles, sailors of ours are great guys.

[Mary Astor]

The greatest in the world, Charlie.

[Charlie Ruggles]

Oh, boy.

[Misha Auer]

Up in Hollywood Boulevard the other day, a couple of them spotted two pretty girls walking along with two shore patrols. And one sailor said to the other, hey, boy, get a look at what's coming over the horizon. Two nifty little destroyers. And the other one said, yeah, but look. What's with them minesweepers?

[Narrator]

Yeah, look who he's talking about. The Navy. The closest you ever got to the ocean was salt water taffy.

[Alvin]

Now, wait.

[Misha Auer]

Now just a minute, you Russian beanpole. You were never in the Navy either, you know.

[Narrator]

Oh, yes, I was. In fact, they were going to make me a commodore until they heard my humor.

[Misha Auer]

Then what did you they do?

[Narrator]

They made me a humidor.

[Misha Auer]

You know, Mary, our new housekeeper has a husband in the Navy. He's on a submarine chaser. And, boy, the things she's learned from him.

[Mary Astor]

What do you mean, Charlie?

[Misha Auer]

Well, every morning, instead of knocking on my door to wake me up, she throws a depth charge over the transom.

[Mary Astor]

The whole man the lifeboats. Here's Rudd Duskin and his swell Roma Wine Orchestra to open our show with an old favorite back home again in Indiana. Very nice, mister. Now, ladies and gentlemen, Frank Martin, the.

[Frank Martin]

Young man who says I speak for Roma. Now that the chill days of fall are here and the colder days of winter are just ahead, it's a good thing to sip a glass of wine of an evening for warm, contenting relaxation and make it Roma wine, friends. Roma wine. From the sunny summer valleys and hillsides of California, nature's most favorite of all the world's vineyard gardens, you'll find Roma California wines the perfect expression of the old World art of winemaking. Plus the extra care, the constant testing and tasting. Our modern knowledge has added to that ageless art. Roma wines will meet your personal test, your eye test for clarity, your nose test for bouquet or aroma, and your palate test for satisfying, pleasant taste. Yes, Roma California wines bring you sunbeams from warm valleys for your cool fall and winter evening. But keep one thing always in mind when you buy wine. Remember, the name of our wine is Roma. R O M A the four letter name that brings you four fundamentals of complete wine satisfaction. Roma wines are true to type. Roma wines are faithful in flavor. Roma wines are sound of character. Roma wines are reasonable in cost. No wonder America's largest selling wines are Roma.

[Narrator]

The Roma Wine show presents the Memoirs of Misha the Magnificent.

[Mary Astor]

Again, the soft warbling of the night birds heralds the approach of evening. And once again Misha the Magnificent arises to mold another of his adventures into a thrilling climax. Let's listen to one of these moldy adventures.

[Narrator]

The Memoirs of Misha the Magnificent. Wild Animal Edition. Title of chapter. How I, Misha, delivered stew to the gnu in the zoo when I was two.

[Mrs. Staveley]

Or.

[Narrator]

Elephants. New paragraph. Even as a small child, I was fond of the animals and tried my best to be like them. In this I succeeded. For as a boy, I was always barefooted, bull headed and hog wild. With a little practice, I also learned the language of the birds and was soon able to talk turkey. As I grew to manhood, I became intensely interested in the creatures of the forest. And it was Papa who told me that I had just the right appearance to handle dangerous wild animals. Or as he put it, misha, with.

[Misha Auer]

That face you ought to be in the zoo.

[Narrator]

What an inspiration these words were from Papa. Soon I found myself in the office of the keeper of the zoo.

[Misha Auer]

Keeper, I said.

[Narrator]

I am Misha the explorer, the discoverer, the bringer. Back good.

[Alvin]

We've been looking for someone like you, an Explorer, a discoverer and a bringer back. You have?

[Charlie Ruggles]

Yes.

[Alvin]

Go explore the zoo. If you discover any dirt, sweep it up. And when you're through with the broom, bring her back.

[Narrator]

With these kind, encouraging words, I made up my mind to go to the jungle in search of an animal. This was rare. I'd even settled for some medium rare. Accordingly, I began my journey and got a lower on a Pullman coach. Funny thing, it was lower than the coach. All night long I could hear the clicking of the wheel. From here to the waiting ship was but a short jump. I missed the jump. The sun came up early, and when I awoke, I was on board the ship bound for the jungles of Africa. The first night out, I met shy, demure Clarissa. We passed on the deck. Hello, I said, throwing her a sidelong glance. Good evening, she said, throwing me. Throwing me a left hook. A beautiful friendship had begun. Stepping close to her, I said, I am Misha.

[Mrs. Staveley]

So what?

[Narrator]

I'd like to know you better.

[Charlie Ruggles]

So what?

[Narrator]

Footnote. She kept swatting me all over the place on footnote. Growing tired of this, we struck up a conversation.

[Mrs. Staveley]

Amicia, if you're really a big game hunter, what are you doing here?

[Narrator]

Well, the police closed up all the big games. Captivated by her girlish beauty, I offered her a motion picture career.

[Mrs. Staveley]

You'll have to ask me, Mother.

[Narrator]

Where is mother?

[Mrs. Staveley]

Child in the stateroom, waving her hair.

[Narrator]

What's the matter? Can't she afford a flag?

[Mrs. Staveley]

Here comes Mother now.

[Narrator]

As she approached me, I could see that this child's mother was a woman of culture and elegance. She was the real mid Victorian type, a dainty little woman with high lace collar and a lord yet. Pardon me, ma', am, I said, I would like to guide your daughter's career. She lifted her lorgnette to her eyes, and in a voice reminiscent of good breeding and social background, she replied.

[Mrs. Staveley]

I'll bring up that sprout.

[Misha Auer]

Please, madam, let me bring up that sprout.

[Mrs. Staveley]

Take a pint of Chatterhead. I'll bring up that sprout.

[Narrator]

Now, my dear lady, let's not get raucous.

[Charlie Ruggles]

Raucous? Smokers.

[Mrs. Staveley]

Lay off of that sprout or I'll paste you one.

[Frank Martin]

What now?

[Narrator]

I never saw them again, for they went south for the hangnail festival, and I rode to Brussels for another sprout. The next day we stopped at a desert island off the coast of Africa. I was talking to the captain. Captain, why are we stopping here? Here, Michie, here.

[Charlie Ruggles]

I take on food, I take on water, and I Take on freight.

[Narrator]

You take on all these things. What do you put off? You like Robinson Crusoe? I thought I was alone on this desert island. Until one day I saw the tattered figure of a man approaching. Behind him were three little tots.

[Mary Astor]

Could this be?

[Narrator]

I trembled in anticipation as I asked him. Pardon me, are you Robinson Crusoe's man Friday? No.

[Charlie Ruggles]

I followed him.

[Misha Auer]

I'm Saturday.

[Narrator]

Who are those three children?

[Alvin]

Sunday, Monday and always.

[Misha Auer]

There were no.

[Narrator]

Peculiar animals on this island. So I decided to cross the water to the mainland.

[Mary Astor]

Africa.

[Narrator]

I left the next day by turtle. I was on this turtle for so long that I finally turned turtle. The next thing I knew, I was in the jungles of Africa. Here at last, I knew I would find a rare animal I sought to bring back. Suddenly I heard the thump of heavy footsteps. Then the bushes parted. Goodbye, bush. So long, bush. And out of the bushes stepped the largest, most ferocious savage imaginable. His face was hideously painted and he wore a necklace of huge human skull. While on his giant shoulder was slung a limp rhinoceros. He saw me and stopped. His eyes bulged and his shaggy face contorted horribly. In a thunderous, earth shaking voice, he roared.

[Savage Beast]

I am a savage beast. Honest, I am, honey.

[Misha Auer]

Savage beast. I asked him, have you seen any.

[Narrator]

Peculiar animals around here?

[Savage Beast]

Oh, yeah. Yesterday I saw a grunk.

[Narrator]

A grunk? What's a grunk?

[Savage Beast]

That's an animal that has a head like a giraffe, a body like a lion and an appetite like a horse.

[Misha Auer]

Good.

[Narrator]

Where is it?

[Misha Auer]

Where is it?

[Savage Beast]

My mama gave me an aspirin tablet and it went away.

[Narrator]

And then one day I saw that which I had come to find. Before me stood the strangest animal I've ever seen. It looked like a cow, but it couldn't be. It had no horns. Quickly, I captured it and boarded the next boat back to America. I knew it would be acclaimed at last. Proudly I stood before the zookeeper with my pride.

[Alvin]

What have you there, Michel?

[Narrator]

Sir, I have here the rarest animal in the world. A cow without horn. But an object that was studied. Maybe science can discover why this cow has no horns.

[Alvin]

That's very simple, Misha.

[Misha Auer]

This happens to be a horse.

[Charlie Ruggles]

The ant.

[Mary Astor]

Someday the boys in the little white coats will come and take Misha away from us forever. Right now we turn to more serious business. Meaning, of course, the Pied Pipers. This swell vocal group has whipped up a nifty little tune which seems to be doing all right across the networks. It's called I Dug a Ditch I.

[Charlie Ruggles]

Was just a cowboy on a ranch in Ohio until ambition got a hold of me one day.

[Mary Astor]

So I packed.

[Charlie Ruggles]

My duds and started roaming from Wyoming and out now this is why I'm glad I went away I dug a ditch I dug a ditch and I struck it ridge down in Wichita if E I A if E I A and I made it say in Wichita.

[Misha Auer]

I could keep on dig, dig, digging.

[Charlie Ruggles]

Like I've been digging before Now I'm.

[Mrs. Staveley]

Feeling so half diggity I want something.

[Charlie Ruggles]

More I've got an itch just to leave that ditch I want to go back to Marine who stuck to me Before I die the ditch and struck it rich and w I could keep on digging like a dog before Now I'm feeling so hot diggity I want to get something more I've got an itch like to leave a ditch Want to go back to Marie who stuck to me before I got the ditch and struck it rich Wichita.

[Mary Astor]

Very well sung by pipers. Very well, indeed. Now, Frank Martin, prepare our listeners for what is about to happen.

[Frank Martin]

Charlie Ruggles has written another play.

[Misha Auer]

What?

[Frank Martin]

A very special play. Ladies and gentlemen, the annual Thanksgiving presentation of the San Fernando Fish and Chowder Club. We find producer Ruggles suffering with laryngitis tonight. Hard at work backstage.

[Misha Auer]

You know, Jean Mary, I sure am enthused about my play. And I don't know when I've seen you so excited.

[Mary Astor]

Oh, it's just that I love being backstage, Charlie. There's a certain air about backstage of the theater.

[Misha Auer]

Yeah, isn't there? Especially when it's a Fish and Chowder club, you know. Look what I'm wearing to it tonight, Mary.

[Narrator]

Look at.

[Charlie Ruggles]

Isn't it pretty?

[Misha Auer]

Pilgrim shoes with buckles on them and knee britches. And look, here's the hat.

[Mary Astor]

Well, Charlie, the costume's authentic.

[Mrs. Staveley]

All except the hat.

[Misha Auer]

Well, I've got to explain that to you, Mary. You see, we have a big Thanksgiving dinner scene, and the Brown Derby restaurant donated the food. And of course, I promised in return as a hint to the audience, I'd wear this hat.

[Mary Astor]

Well, that was very nice of them to provide the food just in exchange for you wearing a brown derby.

[Misha Auer]

Yeah, you must be a pretty good customer. Oh, I practically live in there. And some days I hardly find time to run home and eat, you know.

[Mary Astor]

Why, Charlie, don't you ever spend any money in there?

[Misha Auer]

Why, certainly I do. Why, only last Friday night, I bought dinner for a party of 22.

[Mary Astor]

A party of 22? That must have cost you a lot of Money?

[Misha Auer]

Yeah.

[Alvin]

You're not kidding.

[Misha Auer]

She ached like a horse. You know, I have to laugh at that myself, Mary, you know. You know, Mary, sis, since I'm Captain John Smith in this play, you know, and you're going to be Pocahontas. There's one embarrassing thing, Mary. What's that? Well, at the end of the play, right after we're married, I hold you tight, you know, and I close my eyes like this. And then I pucker up my lips and. Why, Mary. Mary, you kissed me.

[Mary Astor]

No, I didn't, Charlie.

[Misha Auer]

Well, it must have been a figment of my imagination.

[Mrs. Staveley]

No. I'm Mrs. Snavely, your next door neighbor.

[Misha Auer]

Mrs. Staveley, please. What was the idea of kissing me?

[Mrs. Staveley]

Well, you were standing there with your eyes closed and I hate to see a good pucker go to waste.

[Misha Auer]

Well, Mrs. Knavey, as a favor to me, please don't do it again. Now, what is it you want here?

[Mrs. Staveley]

Well, I'm an actress and I want to be in the play.

[Misha Auer]

No, no, no. I'm awfully sorry, Mrs. Navely, but there's nothing for you in it.

[Narrator]

I can't.

[Mrs. Staveley]

You gotta let me be in the play. Don't forget, I'm the head of the Chowder Club.

[Misha Auer]

Mrs. Stavely, Chowder Head or not, there's no part for you.

[Mrs. Staveley]

I'm not a chowder head. I'm head of the.

[Misha Auer]

All right, Club head, then.

[Mrs. Staveley]

That's better.

[Misha Auer]

But I'll tell you what you can do, Mrs. Navley. You can prepare the food for the big Thanksgiving dinner scene. How's that?

[Mrs. Staveley]

Oh, thank you, Mr. Ruggles. I'm a good cook. That's how I met Mr. Stavely.

[Misha Auer]

Is that so? You mean you were childhood sweethearts?

[Mary Astor]

Yes.

[Mrs. Staveley]

He used to carry my pots home from cooking school.

[Misha Auer]

Now, isn't that thoughtful? That was wonderful of him. You know, of course, lots of marriages are potluck, Mrs. Staveley, you know.

[Mrs. Staveley]

Well, goodbye, Mrs. S. Goodbye, Mr. R.

[Misha Auer]

Well, Mary, I think everything's set up, so I'm going home. I'm going home while the orchestra rehearsals, you see. Now, don't forget, curtain at 8:30, Mary.

[Mary Astor]

I'll be there with bells on.

[Misha Auer]

No, no, no. No feathers. You're playing an Indian, remember? All right, start the orchest.

[Mary Astor]

While Charlie is getting his big Thanksgiving play ready, I'd like to tell you about a card I had from one of our listeners last week, which I believe is definitely worth answering on the air. This lady says, miss Astor, I understand that you explained certain rules for serving wine recently, I'm especially sorry I missed the Roma Wine show that night because I'd like to know your answers about the proper glassware and table linen to use. Well, very briefly, let me repeat the answers. You don't need fancy glassware to enjoy the goodness of Roma California wines. Elegant glassware may flatter the beautiful colors a bit more, but the flavor will be the same in any glass. You don't need fancy linens either. Roma wines are just as thoroughly enjoyed on tables covered with checkered cloth as with the rarest of lace or linen. You don't have to worry about which type of wine is correct either. Select the type you like the best, either red or white. And whichever you choose, you know you can serve it for only a few cents a glass.

[Frank Martin]

And, Mary, we can all remember that Roma wines are delicious. Roma wines are suitable on any table. Roma wines are economical to serve.

[Savage Beast]

Indeed.

[Mary Astor]

Yes, Frank. Always for fine wines at reasonable cost. Say Roma. Now, Frank Martin, the big moment is here. Set the stage, please.

[Frank Martin]

A sturdy band of pilgrims in Plymouth, New England, were exhausted on that memorable November day. Exhausted from starvation and privation, Tired from war with the Indians. Though their stalwart leader, Captain John Smith, played by Charlie Ruggles, went to the Indian chief and pleaded for his people.

[Narrator]

Curtain music.

[Misha Auer]

I begged, thou, strong warrior, take me to thy chief.

[Narrator]

Me tired all day. Stand in front of cigar store.

[Misha Auer]

And what dost thou do in front of cigar store?

[Narrator]

Me say, LS mft.

[Misha Auer]

Well, what do you know? A commercial Indian. Oh, here comes Chief Sitting Bull now.

[Narrator]

Ugh. Ugh.

[Misha Auer]

Please, mighty war chief, make your braves. Spare my people.

[Narrator]

Hug.

[Misha Auer]

There's no reason why us thou and meest cannot be friends, is there?

[Narrator]

Us ug.

[Misha Auer]

Why does thou keep saying ug?

[Charlie Ruggles]

Now, wait a minute.

[Savage Beast]

Now, wait a minute.

[Misha Auer]

Now you cut that out, Frank. This isn't a musical, you know. White men come to offer hand in friendship. And what is that?

[Alvin]

That Minnehaha.

[Misha Auer]

My goodness, she sounds like she must be sitting on her feathers or something. Oh, big cheese, big chief. Your tribe has been burning white men at the stake. Canst thou do something about this?

[Alvin]

Me tell em tribe go easy on steak. Red man no red points.

[Misha Auer]

Meanest sigh that thou will make peace.

[Alvin]

I spare life of your people if you marry my daughter, Pocahontas and raise many braves.

[Misha Auer]

Ah, but chief, it will take me much time to make a decision like that.

[Alvin]

Much better. Marry Pocahontas now. Have papoose before Pearl Harbor.

[Charlie Ruggles]

Ah, wait.

[Misha Auer]

Here cometh a messenger from my people. What is thou Message, hearest thou?

[Narrator]

The.

[Savage Beast]

Th. Women are weeping from hunger. Thy children are crying from hunger.

[Misha Auer]

Yeah, and your acting is from hunger, too. Ah, but alas and alack, I must save my people. So perhaps I shall wed Pocahontas.

[Savage Beast]

Wilt thou?

[Alvin]

I will.

[Narrator]

Thou.

[Misha Auer]

I shall ride back and announce the news to my people, mighty war chief. Friend. Alvin, go fetch Pocahontas. Pocahontas? The name is Pocahontas now. Stop clowning, will you, Alvin? Never mind her last name. It shall be changed. As of tomorrow, we shall be known as John Smith and Wife.

[Savage Beast]

Oh, I know them.

[Misha Auer]

Oh, these aren't the same people at all. Stick to the play, will you, please?

[Savage Beast]

Maybe I can ride back to the village and get help. Captain Smith.

[Misha Auer]

Ah, but these hills are filled with bloodthirsty redskins.

[Savage Beast]

That's all right. I'm anemic.

[Misha Auer]

Alvin. I never asked a man to do anything I wouldn't do. And I wouldn't do anything. So good luck, Alvin.

[Alvin]

Wait', em, Pacey face. Why, no need.

[Narrator]

Send help.

[Alvin]

Red man make peace. But first white man meet em. Pocahontas.

[Misha Auer]

Oh, Pokey.

[Mary Astor]

Coming, Father.

[Misha Auer]

Well, taketh Pokey so long. What? Taketh Pokey so long to get here.

[Alvin]

He's slow Pokey.

[Mary Astor]

You call me Big Chief?

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Alvin]

Pokey, meet Smitty.

[Mary Astor]

How?

[Alvin]

How? White man ask for hand in marriage.

[Mary Astor]

I give white man hand in marriage.

[Misha Auer]

Thank you. But don't unscrew it. Just bring it with you.

[Alvin]

This poker artist is good friend Alvin. He be best man.

[Mary Astor]

Greetings, friend Alvin.

[Misha Auer]

Howie cowie.

[Mary Astor]

He best man.

[Misha Auer]

Well, that's the best we could get for $5. All the good actors are working, you know. Come, Alvin and Pocahontas. We shall get on my horse and ride back to my people.

[Savage Beast]

But can a horse run far with three people on his back?

[Mary Astor]

Three men on horse run many years.

[Misha Auer]

Three men on horse had talent. Not pale face.

[Narrator]

Indians.

[Misha Auer]

Hideous yap. White steed Gideon.

[Frank Martin]

That afternoon we find Captain John Smith in the Pilgrim settlement ready to announce his engagement to Pocahontas.

[Misha Auer]

Ah, good friend Barney. I fear me. I am very nervous about my engagement.

[Narrator]

Have you ever been engaged before, Captain Smith?

[Charlie Ruggles]

Aye.

[Misha Auer]

Six times.

[Alvin]

All told.

[Misha Auer]

No one keepeth her mouth shut. Very good, Captain.

[Narrator]

Captain, thou art in good spirit.

[Misha Auer]

Yea, to night findeth Captain Smith. Sharper than a plate of soybeans. Now away with thee, friend Barney. I see Pocahontas approaching from the distance. And notice the beautiful picture as she walks near, covered in a glorious veil of feathers. Oh, why dost thou hide behind those.

[Savage Beast]

Feathers, Pocahontas I'm not Pocahontas.

[Mrs. Staveley]

I'm Mrs. Stavely, your next door neighbor.

[Misha Auer]

Mrs. Staveley, what are you doing out here on this stage?

[Mrs. Staveley]

I'm setting the table for the big Thanksgiving dinner scene.

[Misha Auer]

Well, what's the idea of wearing one of our Indian costumes?

[Mrs. Staveley]

This isn't an Indian costume. I got all full of feathers cleaning the turkey.

[Misha Auer]

All right, now get back and watch the food. It has to be returned to the brown Derby at 8 o'.

[Narrator]

Clock. You understand?

[Mrs. Staveley]

I won't do it. So, Ash.

[Misha Auer]

Yeah, all right. Just get back to the kitchen, Mrs. S. Now where. Now where? Where's Pocahontas?

[Mary Astor]

Now, Captain, you are by thy side forever. Captain Smith.

[Misha Auer]

Well, what took you so long?

[Mary Astor]

I was shopping for a bridal goon.

[Misha Auer]

Pardon me, Mary. That's bridal brown. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, Captain Smith. Hey, Captain Smith. Hey, the Indians are coming. The Indians seems coming. Yes. Look, look, Captain, they bring us food. Ah, so they do. And here comes big Chief. Warrior Chief now. Greetings, Warrior Chief.

[Alvin]

Captain Smith. Me keep words. My tribe bring food. And me make peace offering of fruits, candies and nuts for us. Yes, I bring fruit to women, candies to children. Yes, and nuts to you.

[Misha Auer]

Now listen, I told you that's not in the script.

[Savage Beast]

There now.

[Misha Auer]

Oh, mighty Warrior Chief, we express our gratitude. And what prompted thy to do all this?

[Alvin]

Big Chief's old pow wow desired. Landly.

[Misha Auer]

Hey.

[Alvin]

Our people are at the dinner table waiting for the food to be served.

[Misha Auer]

Excellent. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

[Alvin]

White man Psychic.

[Misha Auer]

Miss is the head of the team. I thank us thee. I thank us thee. Before we partakest of our Thanksgiving dinner, I wish to make an announcement. I wish to mix. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where's the food? Mrs. Staveley? Mrs. Staveley.

[Mrs. Staveley]

Yes, Mr. Ruggum.

[Misha Auer]

Well, what happened to the food?

[Mrs. Staveley]

Mr. Rungum, this food won't be ready in time.

[Misha Auer]

Won't be ready in time? But this is the big scene.

[Mrs. Staveley]

I know, but I can't stuff the turkey.

[Misha Auer]

What do you mean you can't stuff the turkey?

[Mrs. Staveley]

I can't get him to open his mouth.

[Misha Auer]

Well, don't Worry about it, Mrs. Staveley. This play is the biggest turkey anyone would want for Thanksgiving. So good night, folks.

[Mary Astor]

You're not kidding, Charlie. There's the song that says good night. Until next Thursday night and another Roma wine show. Charlie and Misha. I hope you two will patch up your differences.

[Frank Martin]

Oh, sure, Mary.

[Narrator]

We were just kidding. Weren't we, Charlie?

[Misha Auer]

Why of course. Hey, Misha, let's have dinner tomorrow night.

[Narrator]

Wonderful. Where will we eat?

[Misha Auer]

Well, you eat at your house, and I'll eat at my house.

[Narrator]

I'll tell him when he comes in.

[Mary Astor]

That's all until next week. This is Mary Astor saying good night.

[Frank Martin]

Mary Aster appears. Courtesy Metro, Golden Mayer, Mitch hour. Courtesy of 20th Century Fox. Charlie Ruggles will soon be seen in the Paramount picture. Our hearts were young and gay. This is Frank Martin speaking for the Roma Wine Company of Fresno, California, and inviting you to tune in again next Thursday for another Roma Wine show. Remember, before you buy wine, buy war bonds and stamps. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.