Your Radio Almanac - 1944-02-09 - #3 - guest Ann Sothern

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Your Radio Almanac" – February 9, 1944 (#3)

Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Date Released: December 5, 2025
Guest: Ann Sothern
Highlight: A live radio variety performance from radio’s golden age, featuring Orson Welles, guest star Ann Sothern, comedy sketches, a musical number, and a poignant reading in honor of Abraham Lincoln.

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Episode Overview

This episode immerses listeners in the charm and wit of a classic mid-1940s “Radio Almanac” with Orson Welles, joined by special guest Ann Sothern. The cast invites the audience into a blend of light banter, parody, music, and a moving dramatization to honor Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. The show is a time capsule of an era when families gathered around the radio for weekly entertainment, brimming with self-aware humor, celebrity references, and the patriotic spirit of wartime America.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Show Opening and Banter ([00:31]–[02:40])

• Orson Welles greets listeners with characteristic wit, mentioning a full moon and Edison's birthday, making a sly reference to Spencer Tracy.

  • Quote: “He invented the incandescent lamp only to discover years later that Spencer Tracy had beat him to it.” (00:41)

• Ann Sothern banters with Welles, humorously acting nervous about what lies ahead, referencing Welles’ reputation as a magician.

  • Quote:
    • Sothern: “Well, aren't you going to saw me in half?”
    • Welles: “Oh no. The OPA put a stop to that. They said I was wasting too many women.” (01:36–01:39)

• The conversation pivots to playful jabs at Frank Sinatra and a hypothetical “Romeo and Juliet” featuring Sinatra.

  • Sothern: “He may be a boy scout, but a lot of girl scouts belong to his troupe.” (02:00)
  • Welles: “I know, but Sinatra would never make it.” (02:35)

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2. A Rom-Com Parody: “Teaching Orson to be Romantic” ([02:40]–[06:30])

• Ann Sothern instructs Welles in romantic acting, leading to a farcical attempt at seduction for the (audible) radio audience.

  • Sothern: “Now, put your arms around me.” (02:51)
  • Welles: “My arms around you?” (02:52)
  • Attempts further romantic lines, interrupted by fake phone calls and censors.

• Censor Intervention: “Mr. Peabristle” prevents Welles from kissing Sothern near the microphone, parodying radio decency rules.

  • Jack Mather: “He’s not allowed to kiss anybody that close to a microphone.” (05:03)
  • Sothern (quipping): “Why? You know a better way?” (05:00)

• Mock fan mail from “Bela” (implied to be Bela Lugosi) and humorous affirmations of Welles’ alleged heartthrob status.

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3. Musical Interlude – “Shoo Shoo Baby” ([07:45]–[09:04])

• Johnny Horace performs a period hit, “Shoo Shoo Baby,” capturing the swing and sentimentality of the home front during WWII. (07:45–09:04)

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4. Wartime Sketch – “The Married Welders” ([11:56]–[20:42])

• A slice-of-life skit follows Joe and Betty, welders on alternating shifts at the shipyard, played by Welles and Sothern.

  • Comedic focus on their missed connections and fleeting romantic moments due to WWII work schedules.
  • Quote:
    • Sothern: “Well, what about me? I’ve got a husband. I see 15 minutes a day. I know the milkman better.” (18:44)
    • Welles: “This is no way to live. You working in the day and me working at night. How we’re ever going to bring up a family…” (18:29)
    • Sothern (in a mock advice show): “My husband works on the night shift and I work on the day shift. And the only time that…” (19:16)

• The skit’s punchline: As soon as Betty arranges to switch to the night shift, Joe is reassigned to days. (20:34)

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5. Feature: “Carnival” by Lionel Barrymore ([20:59]–[24:14])

• Welles introduces a classical piece composed by actor Lionel Barrymore.
• The orchestra, led by Lud Gluskin, performs “Carnival,” giving listeners highbrow cultural fare—and an inside joke about Barrymore critiquing the trumpeter.
  • Welles: "Lionel says your third trumpet player was only using one lip." (24:29)

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6. Dramatic Reading: Abraham Lincoln’s Farewell ([25:44]–[30:00])

• In honor of Lincoln’s birthday, Welles delivers a moving excerpt from Carl Sandburg’s “Prairie Years,” reimagining Lincoln’s departure from Springfield.

  • Quote:
    • “No one who's never been placed in a like position can understand my feelings at this hour, nor the oppressive sadness I feel at this parting…” (27:53)
    • “To you, dear friends, I owe all that I have, all that I am.” (28:24)
    • “Unless the great God who assisted him shall be with me and aid me, I must fail…” (28:39)

• The segment stands in sharp, respectful contrast to the rest of the show’s lighthearted comedy, providing emotional gravity and historical resonance.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Orson Welles on rival heartthrobs: “They do say that compared to me, Sinatra is just a boy.” (01:53)
• Ann Sothern on Sinatra: “He may be a Boy Scout, but a lot of girl scouts belong to his troupe.” (02:00)
• Orson Welles on romantic gestures: “I love you with an equatorial passion that no thermometer can register.” (03:09)
• Ann Sothern in “The Married Welders”: “Well, what about me? I've got a husband. I see 15 minutes a day. I know the milkman better.” (18:44)
• A sincere moment: “To you, dear friends, I owe all that I have, all that I am.” (Abraham Lincoln/Sandburg reading, 28:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Banter & Introductions: 00:31–02:40
• Romantic Acting Sketch: 02:40–06:30
• Musical Number: “Shoo Shoo Baby”: 07:45–09:04
• Wartime Comedy Sketch: 11:56–20:42
• Lionel Barrymore’s “Carnival”: 20:59–24:14
• Welles’ Dramatic Lincoln Reading: 25:44–30:00

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Tone and Overall Feel

The episode expertly balances screwball comedy, showbiz parody, and heartfelt tribute. The humor is brisk, self-referential, and loaded with celebrity jabs and 1940s cultural references. The cast’s chemistry (especially Welles and Sothern) keeps the pace lively. The emotional core is delivered in the Lincoln tribute, showing the era’s blend of patriotism, nostalgia, and hope.

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For New Listeners

If you’ve never tuned in, this episode is an excellent entry point:

• You’ll experience the peculiar blend of period-specific humor, topical references, musical performance, and national reflection.
• Each segment flows swiftly, capturing the variety-show format that defined so much of early radio.
• Above all, the performance style, wit, and genuine affection among the cast are palpable—even across the decades.

Transcript

[Anne Southern]

Hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of a.m. p.m. Right now and, well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling, even kind of cheesy. But I like it. Sure, you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all. So farewell, oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy.

[Announcer]

Break up with bland breakfast and taste AM PM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit made with ktree eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AMPM Too much Good stuff.

[Orson Welles]

This is Orson Welles just saying hello before the show starts. There's a full moon tonight. February 11th is the anniversary of the day Thomas Alva Edison was born. He invented the incandescent lamp only to discover years later that Spencer Tracy had beat him to it. Welcome to your radio Almanac, ladies and gentlemen.

[Jack Mather]

At the sign of the flying red.

[Anne Southern]

Horse.

[Jack Mather]

Tonight and every night at the same time over these same stations, the makers of mobile gas and mobile oil bring you Orson Welles.

Jack Mather speaking. Our guest tonight comes to us through the courtesy of Metro Goldwyn Mayer, producer of the great hit Madame Curie. Ladies and gentlemen, Anne Southern.

[Orson Welles]

Hello, Ann. Hello, Anne.

[Anne Southern]

Hello, Orson. You know, I don't mind telling you, I'm scared stiff.

[Orson Welles]

Scared stiff?

[Announcer]

Why?

[Anne Southern]

Well, aren't you going to saw me in half.

[Orson Welles]

Oh no. The OPA put a stop to that. They said I was wasting too many women. I'm not just a magician, Anne. I'm a romantic lover. You know, of course, I don't believe it, but they. They do say that compared to me, Sinatra is just a boy.

[Anne Southern]

He may be a boy scout, but a lot of girl scouts belong to his troupe.

[Orson Welles]

Well, don't get me wrong, Ann. I'm not envious. As a matter of fact, in my next Mercury Theater production, I've been thinking of doing Romeo and Juliet with Frank Sinatra as Romeo.

[Anne Southern]

Really?

[Jack Mather]

Yes.

[Orson Welles]

Can't you just hear him singing on the balcony as Juliet climbs up to him?

[Anne Southern]

Austin, I don't want to criticize an old Shakespeare authority like you, but Juliet stands on the balcony and Romeo climbs up to her.

[Orson Welles]

I know, but Sinatra would never make it.

Now look, Anne, we're doing a scene later and you'll find out how romantic I am.

[Anne Southern]

Well, if we're going to do a scene together, I'd better give you a couple of pointers.

[Jack Mather]

Pointers?

[Anne Southern]

Yes. Now let me show you. Now put your arms around me.

[Orson Welles]

My arms around you?

[Jack Mather]

Like this?

[Anne Southern]

Uh huh. Now standing. Say something romantic.

[Announcer]

Oh, my darling.

[Orson Welles]

What's funny about that?

Oh, my darling.

[Announcer]

I love you with an equatorial passion.

[Orson Welles]

You ought to see me in Jane Eyre.

[Announcer]

I love you with an equatorial passion that no thermometer can register.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, my darling. Pardon me. Anne.

[Jack Mather]

Hello.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, hello, dear. What? We're only acting.

[Anne Southern]

Of course.

[Orson Welles]

I don't mean it honestly. She was only teaching me something. Oh, I know you can. But I. But. But.

You know I do. I said you know. I said you know I do. I can't say it now. There are people listening.

I say. I say there are people listening.

Oh, please don't be angry. I'll call you later. Goodbye.

[Anne Southern]

Who was that?

[Orson Welles]

My laundryman.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, yes. You've got to be awfully nice to them these days. Now, let's go on. You were saying?

[Orson Welles]

Oh, yes, darling, I've been. I've.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, yes, you were saying.

[Orson Welles]

Thank you for giving it to me again. I'll try it once more. Darling, I've endeavored to conceal a passion whose inner. You should see me in Jane Eyre. I don't do this honestly. I have endeavored to conceal a passion whose inner fires have brought the very soul within me.

[Jack Mather]

I'll take it.

[Anne Southern]

I'll take it.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, it says in the script that you will, uh.

[Anne Southern]

Hello? Oh, it's okay. I'll tell him. Orson, your laundryman says he's going home to his mother.

[Orson Welles]

She's always kidding that way.

[Anne Southern]

I'll bet. Now, come on, Orson, make like Sinatra.

Kiss me.

[Orson Welles]

All right, I will. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

[Anne Southern]

Uh, Orson, who is this character?

[Orson Welles]

This is Mr. Peabristle, the censor.

[Jack Mather]

I'm sorry, Mr. Wells, but you can't kiss Anne Southern like that.

[Anne Southern]

Why? You know a better way?

[Jack Mather]

He's not allowed to kiss anybody that close to a microphone.

[Orson Welles]

Why not?

[Anne Southern]

Well, the voice is too romantic, Mr. Pre Bissell. What?

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

Pre bristle.

[Anne Southern]

Pee bristle. Whatever gave you the idea that his voice is romantic?

[Jack Mather]

Well, now, just read this letter.

[Anne Southern]

Dear sir, whenever Orson Welles speaks, I get goose pimples. Signed Bella.

[Jack Mather]

Bella.

[Orson Welles]

What's the address?

[Jack Mather]

602 Beverly Drive.

[Anne Southern]

Just as I thought. Bela Lugosi.

[Jack Mather]

Well, I have additional proof. Let me show you. Would you three young ladies please step up on the stage? That's right. Right this way. All right, Mr. Wells, say something romantic.

[Orson Welles]

You mean like this?

[Announcer]

Darling, I love you.

[Anne Southern]

Orson. Pick him up.

[Orson Welles]

Are they kidding? You girls don't really think I'm romantic, do you?

Thank you.

[Anne Southern]

Why, he's another Mickey Rooney.

[Orson Welles]

Look, girls, it's ridiculous. Anyway, anyone feeling this way about me, I. Aw, you.

[Anne Southern]

You send us Welsey Pete's a killer Solid Jack.

[Jack Mather]

You see? I wasn't lying. Now go on. Say something romantic.

[Orson Welles]

Say something romantic. Like. Like I adore you.

[Anne Southern]

Wellsy Picasso.

[Orson Welles]

I can't understand it.

[Anne Southern]

That's because you're a man.

[Orson Welles]

Thanks.

[Anne Southern]

How would you feel if you heard Hedy Lamarr say I love you.

[Orson Welles]

And pick me up?

[Anne Southern]

Oh, girls, can I join the club too? Just sing the theme song with this here.

When we heard Frank Sinatra we all gave out with yells Gave out with yells but we're through with Sinatra now we swoon for Orse and Wells for Orson Wells Our lives were oh so useless like boats without the oars without the oars but now our life's worth living when he says obediently yo.

All Warsaw well.

[Johnny Horace]

Shoo, shoo, shoo baby Shoo, shoo, shoo baby Bye bye bye baby Hoppers off to the seven seas don't, don't cry, baby don't, don't sigh, baby Bye bye bye baby When I get back Live the life of bees Seems kind of tough now to say goodbye this way Papa's gonna get rough now so that he can be sweet to you another day don't cry, pretty baby don't you sigh, my little baby Shoo, shoo, shoo baby Papa's off to the 7 SE.

Don't, don't cry, baby don't, don't sigh, baby Bye bye bye baby Papa's off to the seven seas.

[Jack Mather]

That was Johnny Horace taking the vocal.

[GoFundMe Announcer]

Everybody.

[Jack Mather]

Did you like him?

Tell me, folks, did you know this?

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

Hello. I'm here during the lunch rush with Janice, who owns her own food truck.

[Anne Southern]

Best cheese steaks in town.

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

Janice traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for her food truck business. We're here where she needs us most.

[Anne Southern]

They sure are.

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

We make it so easy for her to save with customized coverage that grows with her business. Sorry, I just get so emotional talking about saving folks money.

[Anne Southern]

Not this onion I'm chopping.

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

It's just so beautiful.

[Jack Mather]

Oh, yeah.

[Anne Southern]

Nice.

[GoFundMe Announcer]

The onion.

[Jack Mather]

Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail].

[Announcer]

And see how much you could save. It feels good to Geico.

[GoFundMe Announcer]

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[Jack Mather]

Gasoline for cars is made by blending light and heavy elements. The heavy are for mileage, the light for snappy starts and rapid getaway. Today, some of these lighter, quick starting elements have gone into gasoline for tanks and planes and ships. And I know that's okay by you. Fortunately, mileage is what matters most these days. And 1944 mobile gas will give you all the mileage that you got from peacetime mobile gas. We're proud to say that what's more, mobile gas can help you get better all round wartime driving if you'll just follow these simple tips. First, warm up a shivering motor for 30 seconds that does away with stalling. Second, don't tramp on your accelerator. Step down gently. This will save you gasoline. Third, keep your battery in good shape to turn your engine over quickly. And when you start up, start with mobile gas. It's packed with every wartime mile it's possible to give you folks. You'll get your coupons worth when you drive in at the sign of the flying red horse and get trustworthy mile worthy mobile gas.

We bring you now a story of a boy and a girl. The boy, Joe, is employed as a welder at Pacific shipyards.

[Orson Welles]

The girl, Betty, is played by Ann.

[Jack Mather]

Sullivan, is employed as a welder at the same shipyard. As was to be expected, Joe and Betty met and after a whirlwind courtship, they were married. We find them now on the threshold of the little bungalow Joe has rented.

[Orson Welles]

There it is, baby.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, it's beautiful, Joe.

[Johnny Horace]

Well, ups a daisy.

[Orson Welles]

Here you go.

[Anne Southern]

Well, don't drop me. It's bad luck.

[Orson Welles]

This is the living room. There's the dinette and the kitchen and the bathroom. And there's another room in through there.

[Anne Southern]

I hope it's got a nice gas range. I just love the cook.

[Jack Mather]

Yeah.

[Anne Southern]

Well, here we are.

[Orson Welles]

Yeah.

Nice in here, isn't it?

[Jack Mather]

Who is this?

[Orson Welles]

Arthur Lake.

[Anne Southern]

Yes, it is nice.

[Orson Welles]

Still love me?

[Anne Southern]

Well, do you still love me?

[Orson Welles]

You know I do.

[Anne Southern]

Well, here we are.

[Orson Welles]

Yes, we certainly are.

Nice of them to give you the afternoon off so we could get married.

[Anne Southern]

Yes. If they hadn't, we couldn't have.

[Orson Welles]

Couldn't have what?

[Anne Southern]

Got married.

[Orson Welles]

That's true.

[Anne Southern]

Well, here we are.

[Orson Welles]

Yeah.

[Anne Southern]

You can put me down now, dear.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, sure, sure. I wonder what time it is.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, it's early. About 8 o'.

[GoFundMe Announcer]

Clock.

[Orson Welles]

Will you excuse me, dear?

[Anne Southern]

Yes, certainly.

[Orson Welles]

I'll be back in a minute as soon as I unpack my bag.

[Anne Southern]

Well, I'll unpack mine too.

I think I'll wear this blue one. Oh, darling. Yes? Will you knock before you come in?

[Orson Welles]

In a minute.

It's me.

[Anne Southern]

Andre.

[Orson Welles]

Blue, my favorite color.

[Anne Southern]

Joe, what kind of pajamas are those?

[Orson Welles]

Those aren't pajamas, they're overalls.

[Anne Southern]

Overall?

[Jack Mather]

Yes.

[Orson Welles]

Didn't I tell you? I'm on the night shift. See you in the morning, hon.

[Anne Southern]

Let's go.

[Jack Mather]

Oh, yes. Joe forgot to mention. He's on the night shift and Betty's on the day shift. They see each other 15 minutes a day. So let's take an average evening. Betty is just coming in the front door.

[Anne Southern]

Darling. Darling. Darling.

Oh, darn that Opal teen.

I haven't got the heart to wake him up. Of course, if I dropped my lunchbox, he'd wake up by himself.

No, it'd be mean just to drop a lunchbox.

And yet if it was on the edge of this table and I was looking for something and accidentally pushed it with my elbow.

[Orson Welles]

Okay, boys, launcher.

[Anne Southern]

Darling. Darling. I didn't expect to find you work.

[Orson Welles]

Turn the light on, will you, dear? I'm tired.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, but this is practically our honeymoon. Can't you be romantic, even for a little while?

[Orson Welles]

Romantic? Darling, I love you with an equatorial.

[Announcer]

Passion and no thermometer can register.

[Orson Welles]

Now leave me alone.

[Jack Mather]

I'm sleepy.

[Anne Southern]

I never should have married you. People told me you were no good.

[Jack Mather]

What people?

[Anne Southern]

Heather Hopper.

[Orson Welles]

Let me sleep.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, you're a beast, that's what you are. You only think of your own comfort.

[Orson Welles]

Now, wait a minute here.

[Anne Southern]

I've been welding for eight hours now. I want a little home life.

[Orson Welles]

Baby, don't cry, darling. You mustn't cry. Honey, please don't cry. You know I love you. Oh, shut up.

[Anne Southern]

I'm going home to Mother.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, now, wait, honey. I didn't mean that. I lost my temper.

[Anne Southern]

Then say it.

[Jack Mather]

Say it.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, say it. I don't want to say it, dear. It's silly.

[Anne Southern]

No, say it say what you promised to say every time you lost your temper.

[Orson Welles]

I'm sorry I lost my temper. And if I ever lose it again, I hope Shorty drops a hot rivet in my back pocket and. Oh, this is silly.

[Anne Southern]

Go on, finish.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, hot rivet in my back pocket. And if I ever say a harsh word to you again, I hope all my teeth fall out except one. And that one. I hope I have a toothache. There, I said it.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, Joe. Joe, kiss me.

[Orson Welles]

You bet I will. Hey, what time is it?

[Anne Southern]

Oh, Joe, it's only 8:00'. Clock. Kiss me.

[Orson Welles]

I've got five minutes to dress and I have one minute for coffee. That leaves me 15 seconds here.

[Jack Mather]

How's that?

[Anne Southern]

Same old trouble. Too little and too late.

[Jack Mather]

Two weeks pass. It is morning. Joe is just returning from work.

[Orson Welles]

Honey, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Honey, the sun is shining. The birds are singing.

[Anne Southern]

Tell them to shut up.

[Orson Welles]

Well, I must say, this is a nice greeting. People work hard all day and when they come home they deserve a little relaxation.

[Anne Southern]

I'm relaxing, dear.

[Orson Welles]

Relaxing. You're sleeping.

[Anne Southern]

No, I'm not. I'm wide awake.

[Orson Welles]

You've got your eyes closed.

[Anne Southern]

No, they're open, dear. I've just got the lids over them.

[Orson Welles]

What kind of a home life is this? I thought marriage meant. Meant love and companionship and.

[Jack Mather]

And.

[Anne Southern]

I know just how you feel, dear, but now I'm sleepy.

[Orson Welles]

Well, go ahead and sleep. If that's your idea of a happily married life, go ahead, sleep.

[Anne Southern]

Ouch. You struck me. And while my back was turned.

[Orson Welles]

Well, it didn't hurt you that much. You're well insulated.

[Anne Southern]

Oh, and it's so me now.

[Orson Welles]

Well, you started it. You were sleeping when I came in.

[Anne Southern]

Well, you're always sleeping when I come in.

[Orson Welles]

Yeah, but you overdo it. You look contented when you sleep.

[Anne Southern]

Well, I can't help the way I look when I sleep. I don't get up to look at myself, to see how I look when I sleep.

[Orson Welles]

This is no way to live. You working in the day and me working at night. How we're ever going to bring up a family. Assuming by some miracle we were to have one. Kids never see you all day, and at night they'd be asleep. I don't want him to call me Mama.

[Anne Southern]

Well, what about me? I've got a husband. I see 15 minutes a day. I know the milkman better.

[Jack Mather]

Oh, you do?

[Orson Welles]

Well, let me tell you something.

[Anne Southern]

Don't you listen to me?

[Orson Welles]

I put up with a lot. I don't Mind just talking to me.

[Anne Southern]

About a bisard sleep? And didn't he like you?

[Jack Mather]

Case 24850, Mrs. Wilson. Go ahead please.

[Anne Southern]

Mr. Anthony.

Mr. Anthony, I've been married for three months now. My husband is.

[Announcer]

Don't mention any names, please.

[Anne Southern]

My.

My husband works on the night shift and I work on the day shift. And the only time that.

[Jack Mather]

Young lady, you must find more time.

[Announcer]

To spend with your husband.

[Anne Southern]

That's what I'm trying to do.

[Jack Mather]

Then my advice to is to go home. Go home to your husband.

[Anne Southern]

But my husband isn't home now. You see, he works.

[Announcer]

Just where is your husband, Mrs. W?

[Anne Southern]

He's working. He works on the night shift.

[Jack Mather]

I see.

[Announcer]

How long has your husband been telling you he works on the night shift?

[Anne Southern]

Since the day we got married. We didn't even have a honeymoon.

[Announcer]

Oh. Then my advice to you is to go home.

[Johnny Horace]

Go home to your husband. Speak to him.

[Anne Southern]

But that's impossible, Mr. Anthony. We only see each other a few minutes a day. You see, he works on the night shift and I.

[Jack Mather]

Then my advice to you is to go home. Go home to your husband.

[Anne Southern]

Yes?

Hello, Mother. I was just going to call you. I've got the most wonderful news. I finally got them to change me to the night shift. Oh, there's Joe. Mother, I'll call you back, honey. Joe, I've got the most wonderful news.

[Orson Welles]

Betty, I've only got a minute. Gotta get right back to the yards. Darling, I've been changed to the day shift.

You know, a lot of many of Lionel Barrymore's admirers don't know that he's a composer of music. And he wrote us something special for this program. Really? Did not even supposed to be funny. And according to last week's promise, here it is. We think very highly of it. Carnival by Lionel Barrymore. Maestro Ludgluskin.

Very, very fine, Ludd. You know, I think Mr. Barrymore really has a future, don't you? I'm sure. Lionel Barrymore listening in.

[Jack Mather]

Hello.

[Orson Welles]

Oh, I'm glad you liked it, Lionel.

Oh, you couldn't have liked it that much. Oh, the trumpets.

The third trumpet player. I'll tell him. Goodbye, Lud. Lionel says your third trumpet player was only using one lip.

[Jack Mather]

Friends, we're driving to a different tune today. We don't go far, we can't go fast and lots of the time our cars are idle. Consequently, it's much harder for the battery to hold its strength. In fact, a brand new battery loses half its charge in just one month of idleness. Now don't let your battery run down. You know the well known moan of the motorist. Darn car is stuck. My battery's dead. Well, that won't happen if you'll pay a visit to a certain fellow. First, your friendly mobile gas dealer. Let him double check your battery and cables. Ask him to recharge that battery. Yep, your mobile gas dealer is your man. Have him check connections and the terminals to make certain they're not frayed or rusted. Top notch battery service. That's what you'll get to save yourself cuss words and start your car at all times. Prato. Drive in soon tomorrow. At the sign of the flying red horse.

[Orson Welles]

Clothes, furniture, books, the household goods were packed in boxes and trunks. Family had taken rooms in the chenery house. The old cottage home was gone. Lease, the horse, buggy and cow were sold off at the hotel. He'd roped his trunks himself and had written a Lincoln the White House, Washington D.C. on cards he fastened on the trunks.

He was going to the biggest home in the country, the hardest house in.

[Announcer]

The country to live in.

[Orson Welles]

The Atlantic seaboard was the front yard, the Rocky Mountains and the Pacific slope, the colossal backyard.

[Announcer]

His body, the feet and mouth of.

[Orson Welles]

Him would be in the White House, eating three meals a day and taking a bath every so often.

[Announcer]

But the heart and mind of him would have to be far away, roaming.

[Orson Welles]

The immense front yard and backyard where there were boys fighting girls scratching each.

[Announcer]

Other'S faces, children sticking their tongues out.

[Orson Welles]

Calling nasty names at each other.

He was to be the father.

[Announcer]

The Red Indians would actually call him the Great Father.

[Orson Welles]

Negroes would call him Massa, and punctilious.

[Announcer]

White men would use the address. Your Excellency.

He would be the Supreme Councilor of the American People.

Good God, what a job.

[Anne Southern]

Tom.

[Announcer]

Abraham Lincoln was born on February 12, a day before his 52nd birthday. He left his home in Illinois for Washington.

A cold drizzle of rain was falling. Lincoln and his party were to leave Springfield on the 8 o' clock at the Great Western Railway station. Chilly gray mist hung on the circle of the prairie horizon. One by one came hundreds of old friends shaking hands, wishing him luck and good speed, all faces solemn.

On the platform of the car he turned and saw his home. People.

Then he said slowly, amid the soft gray drizzle from the sky.

Friends.

No one who's never been placed in a like position can understand my feelings at this hour, nor the oppressive sadness I feel at this parting.

For more than a quarter of a century I've lived among you. And during all that time I've received nothing but kindness at your hands. Here I've lived from my youth till now. I'm an old man.

Here the most sacred trusts of earth were assumed. Here. All my children were born. Here one of them lies buried.

To you, dear friends, I owe all that I have, all that I am.

All the strange checkered past seems to crowd now upon my mind.

Today I leave you, I go to assume a task more difficult than that which devolved upon General Washington. Unless the great God who assisted him shall be with me and aid me, I must fail. But if the same omniscient mind and the same almighty arm that directed and protected him shall guide and support me, I shall not fail. I shall succeed.

Let us all pray that God of our fathers may not forsake us. Now.

With these few words, I must leave you. For how long, I know not.

Friends, one and all I must now bid you an affectionate farewell.

Bells rang, there was a grinding of wheels and the train moved and carried Lincoln away from Springfield. The tears were not yet dry on some faces when the train had faded into the gray to the east. Some of the crowd said afterwards that Lincoln, too was in tears.

But tears ran down his face as he spoke that morning. And one of the crowd said there were no tears on Lincoln's face.

He had a face with dry tears.

Said this one.

He was a man who often had.

Dry tears.

[Jack Mather]

The makers of mobile gas and mobile oil invite you to join us next week, same time, same station. Dr. Wells. Special guest is Robert Benchley. Right, Dr. Wells.

[Orson Welles]

Right, Mr. Mather. Until then, ladies and gentlemen, all of.

[Announcer]

Us in the Mercury Theater remain, as always, obediently yours.

[Jack Mather]

Mr. Wells. Read from carl sandberg's prairie years, published by harcourt brace. Jack mather speaking. This is cbs, the columbia broadcasting system.

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

Hello, I'm here during the lunch rush with Janice, who owns her own food truck.

[Anne Southern]

Best cheesesteaks in town.

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

Janice traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for her food truck business. We're here where she needs us most.

[Anne Southern]

They sure are.

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

We make it so easy for her to satisfy with customized coverage that grows with her business. Sorry, I just get so emotional talking about saving folks money.

[Anne Southern]

Not this onion. I'm chubby.

[Janice (Food Truck Owner)]

It's just so beautiful.

[Jack Mather]

Oh, yeah.

[Anne Southern]

Nice. The onion.

[Jack Mather]

Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail].

[Announcer]

And see how much you could save. It feels good. To Geico.