Podcast Summary: "Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar: The Department Store Swindle Matter"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar 1949-12-24 "The Department Store Swindle Matter (How I Played Santa Claus And Almost Got Left Holding The Bag)"
Release Date: November 30, 2025

Episode Overview

In this classic episode from the golden age of radio, insurance investigator Johnny Dollar is tasked with finding a con man swindling New York department stores during the busy Christmas season. What starts as a case of petty theft rapidly escalates to a deadly manhunt when the thief shoots a store detective, turning a bustling Manhattan department store into the scene of a tense search for a murderer disguised as Santa Claus. Told with Johnny's signature wit and noir charm, this holiday mystery delivers intrigue, suspense, and wry humor as Johnny navigates crowded store aisles, frightened families, and dangerous corners in pursuit of justice.

Key Discussion Points & Story Progression

1. The Assignment: Swindle at Christmas (00:02–02:59)

• Synopsis:
  • Johnny Dollar receives a handwritten assignment from his boss, Mr. Eben Stevens: investigate a series of petty thefts targeting department stores in Manhattan.
  • The thief poses as a store employee, makes fake sales with official-looking documentation, pockets the cash, and vanishes.
  • Johnny heads to New York amid the holiday rush.
• Notable Quote:
  • “Expense account item 1, $1 tip to messenger who delivered this assignment writing by hand to my apartment.” (00:27, Johnny Dollar)

2. Meeting the Association, Aiding the Investigation (02:59–04:42)

• Key Characters: Judy Whitehall (association liaison), Mr. Sandler (store manager)
• Synopsis:
  • Johnny meets Judy, the association’s point person, and quickly engages in playful banter.
  • He learns about the challenge: 120 stores on high alert, varied suspect descriptions, and wide-ranging uncertainty.
• Notable Quote:
  • “It's like looking for a noodle in a spaghetti shop.” (03:32, Johnny Dollar)

3. Crime Escalation: The Camera Department Incident (04:42–07:41)

• Event:
  • Alarm is raised after a man makes a fake sale in the camera department, tries to steal a camera from a child (“Bobby”), and, in the ensuing chaos, shoots a store detective before running off.
• Victim’s Statement:
  • “He hit me. He tried to kill me. He took away my camera.” (06:44, Bobby, the little girl)
• Critical Insight:
  • Bobby, after some coaxing, reveals she bit the culprit, leaving a clue (blood on her coat).

4. Santa Claus Strategy: Getting Bobby to Talk (07:41–11:01)

• Tactic:
  • Judy suggests leveraging Bobby’s fear of disappointing Santa Claus to get her to describe the man.
  • Johnny arranges for Bobby to visit the store Santa with him and Judy.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • "Do you know what happens to little girls who make Santa Claus mad at them?”
    “They don't get to look at television before they go to bed.” (07:54–08:04, Johnny Dollar & Bobby)
  • “This guy Santa happens to be a good friend of mine. What do you think of that?” (08:10, Johnny Dollar)

5. Bobby’s Description & The Sketch (11:12–12:11)

• Outcome:
  • Using Bobby’s account, they get an artist to create a police sketch. Police at exits are told to check suspects’ hands for bite marks.

6. The Stakes Rise: Swindler Turns Murderer (12:11–13:33)

• Events:

  • News arrives: the actual store Santa was attacked; his suit stolen. Johnny realizes the murderer could now be masquerading as Santa and interacting directly with children and police.

• Notable Moment:

  • “Forty-five minutes ago when little Bobby was giving Santa Claus the murderer’s description, he was giving it to the murderer himself.” (13:15, Johnny Dollar)

7. Tense Search: The Store in Lockdown (14:40–18:19)

• Events:

  • The police flood the store, but the murderer ditches the Santa costume.
  • An elderly customer is wounded by the fleeing suspect, who then robs the sporting goods department, arming himself further.

• Store Manager’s Reaction:

  • “What’s this going to do to our store?” (17:29, Mr. Sandler)

• Johnny’s Pragmatic Warning:

  • “If you’re not careful, it’s going to turn your store into the world’s largest shooting gallery with live targets… Don’t wait for the police to tell you—close the store.” (17:30, Johnny Dollar)

8. After Hours: The Store as a Trap (18:19–22:48)

• The Search:
  • The store is closed, shoppers and staff sent home. Police and Johnny remain to search floor by floor.
  • Johnny and Sandler become targets; a tense shootout ensues.
  • Johnny maneuvers to draw fire, locates the shooter’s hiding place, and pursues him.

9. Final Confrontation in the Shipping Room (22:48–24:11)

• Climax:
  • Johnny chases the criminal to the shipping room and engages in a brutal fight.
  • He ultimately manages to subdue the suspect by trapping him in a large packing case, nailing it shut before passing out from a head injury.
• Notable Quote:
  • “I had to hold him. One thing to do, tap a case… Nail it on. Good tight, good tight...” (24:11, Johnny Dollar)

10. The Epilogue: A Final Twist (24:19–26:33)

• Hospital Recovery:
  • Johnny wakes in the hospital, concussed. He believes he secured the murderer, but learns the police haven’t found him.
• Race Against Time:
  • Johnny rushes back to the department store, discovers the box containing the subdued murderer has already been shipped—unbeknownst to staff—as part of the store’s annual charity shipment.
• Irony:
  • The box is destined for New York State Prison, poetic justice for the fleeing criminal.

11. Expense Account and Closing Comic Relief (26:52–27:56)

• Johnny details his humorous expense report, including medical supplies for sound effects men and a fine meal for Judy (who he stood up).
• Final signature:
  • “You may think this amount is a little high, but isn't everybody at this time of the year? Signed, yours truly, Johnny Dollar.” (27:35, Johnny Dollar)

Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “It was a week before Christmas and all through the house a creature was stirring and boy, what a rat.” – Johnny Dollar (00:02)
• “It's like looking for a noodle in a spaghetti shop.” – Johnny Dollar (03:32)
• “He’ll kill me.” – Bobby, expressing genuine fear (07:09)
• “Do you know what happens to little girls who make Santa Claus mad at them?” – Johnny Dollar (07:54)
• “I bit him on my hand.” – Bobby, critical clue (08:27)
• “Forty-five minutes ago... he was giving [the killer] his own description.” – Johnny Dollar (13:14)
• “Don’t wait for the police to tell you—close the store.” – Johnny Dollar (17:39)
• “If you’re not careful, it’s going to turn your store into the world’s largest shooting gallery with live targets.” – Johnny Dollar (17:30)
• “He fell squarely into a man-sized packing case... Nail it on. Good tight...” – Johnny Dollar (23:51–24:11)
• “By now it should be at the New York State State Prison, up in arsenic.” – Shipping Head (26:35)
• “At least I got him... The killer.” – Johnny Dollar (24:53)
• “You may think this amount is a little high, but isn’t everybody at this time of the year?” – Johnny Dollar (27:35)

Important Segment Timestamps

• Johnny receives the case & heads to New York: 00:02–02:59
• Interviewing Judy Whitehall and Mr. Sandler: 02:59–04:42
• Crime incident & aftermath: 04:42–07:41
• Santa Claus interrogation of Bobby: 07:41–11:01
• Sketch created, police on alert: 11:12–12:11
• Santa suit stolen, real killer in disguise: 12:11–13:33
• Store goes into lockdown, shooter arms up: 14:40–18:19
• Store search & final shootout: 18:19–24:11
• Hospital and twist ending: 24:19–26:33
• Expense report humor: 26:52–27:56

Summary & Tone

• The episode is packed with suspense, dry humor, and noir-style banter.
• Johnny operates as the sardonic, resourceful investigator, mixing wit with quick thinking under immense pressure.
• Supporting characters—Judy Whitehall, Bobby, and Mr. Sandler—bring comic and emotional relief while highlighting Johnny’s determination and humanity.
• The story builds tension with each twist, transitioning from light-hearted fraud investigation to a dangerous chase with lives at stake, ending on a classic O. Henry-esque ironic note.

[This summary covers all core plot elements and character dynamics, offering context and timestamps for listeners and fans of audio drama and detective fiction.]