Transcript
Hassan Minhaj (0:00)
Breaking News A cinnamon capuchin monkey named Chester trashed a pawn shop in what officials are calling a crime of opportunity. I read about Tennessee's smallest criminal on Ground News, which is Today's sponsor and HMDK's favorite independent news source. Ground News is a platform that shows a breakdown of publications reporting on a story, evaluating potential biases and factuality of these publishers. It's not about eliminating bias, you guys. It's about being a more informed consumer of the news. Thank God I used Ground News to research Chester. The first article I read about Chester reported that Chester crusaded a music store, but it turns out he was in fact targeting a pawn shop. Ground News had labeled that publication Low Factuality, which stopped me from spreading misinformation. I mean, imagine if that falsehood made it into my next stand up special. I would be destroyed in the press. Use the link in the description and go to groundnews.com hassan to get 40% off the ground News Vantage plan, the same one that I use, which makes it just $5 a month for unlimited access. That's groundnews.com Hussan for 40% off today. Thank you to Ground News. It's the new year so of course it's time to get unspeakably hot and really really healthy. My cheat code for wellness is going to Whole Foods looking for lean protein. I love grabbing the wild caught sockeye salmon at Whole Foods. All their proteins are always antibiotic and hormone free. Doing Dry January. Cool. Get on my level you fools. I am dry every month of the year and I love going to Whole Foods for something fun to sip on. They have so many options like Kombucha or probio sodas. We can have a little fun and meet our health goals. Okay, we all know this. The best part of Whole Foods is that I can trust their pre made food. Whether it's the hot bar, the365 ready to eat salad kits or ready to heat rice and beans to pair with my aforementioned lean proteins. Nothing is better for my wellness than having quick and easy options with trusted ingredients. Plus at Whole Foods they have big sales on supplements and vitamins. They have also got high quality protein powders and herbs. I don't know any other spot that does that. Shop all things wellness at Whole Foods Market.
Jacob Soboroff (1:58)
Lemonade.
Hassan Minhaj (2:02)
Do you feel like when progressives are now pulling out their iPhones and recording yeah, massed ice agents or for God's sakes teenagers and children and people getting just thrown into vans and whisked away to God knows Where are they doing the bidding of what the MAGA base actually wants? Are they uploading videos in some other part of the country? Someone seeing this on TikTok, and they're like, good, I think this is what we want.
Jacob Soboroff (2:28)
