Brian Save (1:56)

100%.

Martin (1:57)

Our listeners have some wild stuff. I'm excited to get into it. But before we do.

Rebecca Stevens (2:03)

Yeah.

Martin (2:03)

I have an icebreaker question for our guest. Wait, who?

Brian Save (2:06)

We have to introduce ourselves. I was gonna say. No, go ahead. You go ahead.

Martin (2:09)

All right. Our guest today. Our guest today is. Oh, the camera. Our guest today is the one and only Rebecca Stevens. Rebecca, please say hello to the people. They want to hear from you.

Rebecca Stevens (2:20)

Hello, people. Hi.

Martin (2:22)

Boom. Rebecca is pregnant, which is amazing. Praise God. Be praying for a safe pregnancy and birth for Rebecca and her child. She has a beautiful family, and we are excited to hear her story. So, Rebecca, I have an icebreaker question. I'm trying to come up with one of these for all of our guests just so we can, you know, really get to know each other, become good friends. My icebreaker question to you requires a follow, like a preceding question, and that is, are you a big reader? Do you like reading?

Rebecca Stevens (2:52)

Yes, but I'm that audiobook reader, reader person. I know there's a thing about that people. Oh, that's not considered reading. Okay.

Brian Save (3:02)

Yeah, it counts.

Martin (3:03)

Okay. That's all good.

Brian Save (3:04)

Totally counts.

Martin (3:05)

The question is, who is your favorite? Yeah. Who is your favorite American author and what is their best work?

Rebecca Stevens (3:14)

Well, I'm currently reading Francine Rivers Mark of the lion series, which is awesome.

Martin (3:20)

My wife has read that, so I'll

Rebecca Stevens (3:21)

probably say Francine Rivers simply because her stories are just really motivating. I like Brandon Sanderson. I like. Or Melling. I like these other people, but I really like Francine Rivers. And the Mark of the lion is this really cool, like, historical fiction about the fall of Jerusalem and coliseums and gladiators, and it's got the political intrigue, the little hints of clean romance, but. Oh, we have Internet issues.

Brian Save (3:49)

We lost you for just a second.

Martin (3:51)

It's okay.

Brian Save (3:51)

You're back.

Martin (3:52)

We're back. Going strong. We.

Brian Save (3:53)

If we lose anything in the recording, we will just have an artist recreation where Martin pretends to be you.

Rebecca Stevens (4:02)

I love it. Yes, please do that.

Martin (4:04)

Martina. Martina Bright. He's already a woman, Right? So we got that going for us. He's the only woman on our staff.

Brian Save (4:13)

Yeah.

Martin (4:13)

Okay. So it was Francine Rivers. Mark the line. Everyone go check that out. That's a great recommendation and a great answer to the icebreaker question.

Brian Save (4:20)

Yeah. Yeah.

Martin (4:20)

Okay. So I think we should just dive right in.

Brian Save (4:23)

Yeah, let's go.

Martin (4:23)

Unless you have anything to say.

Brian Save (4:24)

Yeah, we'll try not to interrupt you. We want to hear this story. And we're on. We're really on the edge of our seats. I've never heard it or read it. I wasn't involved in vetting the stories to pick, so I'm actually particularly excited because I get to hear it for the first time and you only get to do that once.

Martin (4:41)

That's right. I'm also excited because I have totally forgotten what it was by now, and that gets me stoked, you know? So I'm ready. Rebecca, Take it away.

Brian Save (4:56)

Ben. Have you heard of the Jake Muller Adventures?

Martin (4:59)

Ooh, what's that?

Brian Save (5:00)

A Christian audio drama. Zombies, vampires, global conspiracies, and faith at the center. I was up all night on the edge of my seat.

Martin (5:07)

Is it fully immersive sound effects and cast and everything?

Brian Save (5:10)

Yes, full cast, cinematic sound. It's like you can hear the danger coming.

Martin (5:14)

Ooh, so kind of similar to Hana Cosmos, but no your mom jokes and more drama.

Brian Save (5:20)

No mom jokes yet. But yeah, tons of drama.

Martin (5:23)

So it's kind of like your mom then?

Brian Save (5:26)

Not quite. Check it out@jakemulleradventures.com Haunted for 10% off hey Ben, I just read that our great grandparents probably experimented with butter on their dry skin as a moisturizer. Is that why you look so radiant?

Martin (5:43)

Maybe it's Grandma's Butter recipe. Or maybe it's Gray Toad Tallow.

Brian Save (5:48)

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Martin (5:55)

So say sayonara Sammy to kitchen experiments and say hello to healthier skin. Gray Toe Tallow Trusted by Skin Envied by Great Grandma's Butter Recipe.

Brian Save (6:08)

For more information and to get a sample pack, check out graytoadtalo.com don't forget to use the code COSMOS15. That's all caps COSMOS15 for 15 off your order.

Martin (6:26)

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Rebecca Stevens (7:05)

Okay, well it happened around like circa 2007. Ish. I think I was 13, 14 some around there and I it's like a sleep paralysis thing. From what my husband and I have talked about kind of looking back and trying to analyze it, I was in bed. It was maybe nine or ten o' clock at night and my bed is, you know, in the back corner of the room underneath a window and my bedroom door that opened up to like our upstairs area was over in the far right corner perpendicular to where I was in bed. So if I was lying in bed facing out into the room, I could see the doorway, I could see anyone coming in or whatever and I'm lying there like I normally would at night. My door, my bedroom door is open so there's light coming in from my upstairs game room area where my parents are watching the news. My mom was a quilter, so she'd always be quilting at night. So there's, like, the steady sound of the quilting machine or the sewing machine. And I was just kind of falling asleep, and all of a sudden I saw, like, smoke billowing into the room, but on the floor. Kind of like like in a theater production, seeing, like, this dark smoke, but not, like. Not like the. The light smoke you'd see in, like, the beginning of the Beauty and the Beast transformation scene. It's like dark, ominous, rolling smoke. And I kind of thought, like, that's really weird. I wonder if that was some sort of, like, mechanical issue with my mom's sewing machine and kind of watching it concerned. And all the while, you know, I'm lying on my side, looking at the doorway, and the fog smoke starts really rolling in, you know, classic curling and dark. And I start to then see something coming out of the smoke, kind of, like bobbing up and down kind of. At first, it looked not scary until I saw more definition. And looking back, I can kind of say it looks kind of like a voodoo mask, like a tribal mask. But it was definitely like a wooden mask, technically, like somewhere between one to four of them. Never bobbing up at the same time, but bobbing in the smoke as it's rolling into my room. Very slowly, but it's coming in definitely, like, concealing something underneath the smoke. And the masks were tribal or caricatures. Very emotive, but they were emotive in the deepest, darkest sense of, like. They were not emoting, like, the theater, like, you know, misery or despair or joy or whatever. It was like sins. They were emoting sins, like, absolute lust, greed, despair, like, in the deepest sense, maliciousness, like malice. Just these. These sins that you feel deep, deeply in your soul. And I was looking at these masks and seeing them in, like, the faces. And I remember being like, that's not. That's not good. That's not something I should see in my room. So I remember trying to roll over onto my side and, like, curl up into a ball. Kind of like the mindset of, like, I'm gonna get away from this. And I couldn't move my arms or my legs. I could barely just kind of slightly turn onto my shoulder and look up. And I remember looking up and kind of realizing, like, I'm stuck here. I'm awake. I can't do anything about this. And they're coming into my room. And so I was kind of, like, looking up and kind of processing this. And for some reason, I rolled slightly back to look to see if they were gone. You know, kind of hoping, like, oh, they're not there anymore. And there was. In fact, the smoke had now basically filled the room. And it was a pretty large room, and it's a wooden floor, by the way, so, like, I knew. I knew the creaky floorboards of my room, and there was no creaking, but it was full of smoke. And now, instead of being like, one to four masks, there's, like, in the teens, and they're bobbing up and down, and they're, like different masks, all dark blood colors, like colors of dried blood or, like, really just intense. And the scariest thing is that they weren't just coming into the room, but they were coming towards the bed. And I remember at one point seeing hands beginning to reach out. And it's similar to the moment in the Fellowship of the Ring, I think, when they're hiding and you see the Ringwraith get down, and you see the hands and the big. It was similar to that. The sinuous, muscular, creepy, creepy hands. But the hands I were seeing were almost made of, like, graphite, like carbon. They were just this. This thin coat. Almost like, you know, you touch it, it's so brittle. It would just shatter.

Martin (12:10)

But, like, at the same time or something.

Rebecca Stevens (12:13)

Yeah, yeah. But, like, as thin as, like, lead, but dark. And still you look at it and, you know, like, that has power. Not in the physical realm, if that makes sense. Like, it's. It's something that's powering this other than, like, musculature, you know? And they were beginning to, like, reach up and out of the smoke. And, you know, as the smoke is coming towards me, it now is probably maybe five feet away. Now I'm like, all right, I really gotta roll over and get away from this. So I remember rolling onto my back again, and that's kind of where the moment of, like, almost like the thought of, like, you're kind of gonna die. You don't really know what's gonna happen. And I remember, like, looking up, and instead of my ceiling fan being there, like, kind of, like, having this really wild moment of, like, whoa, I see, like, space. I see stars and just dark space, which I've always been kind of afraid of space. So it was very oppressive of, like, I am utterly alone. I am utterly alone. I am being pursued by this, like, very malicious force. My door is open. My parents are right there, and my family are all believers, especially my parents. And so I'm thinking, like, what is going on? How is this in Here. So I felt very alone and very scared. And I was kind of stuck there, just feeling like I was almost, like, shrinking in my bed. The space was getting higher. The darkness was getting higher. The fog began lapping at my bed, and the masks were kind of, like, rising and falling in my peripheral vision. And I remember seeing the beginnings of fingers, like, clawing near my face. And, like, almost like they weren't ever touching me, but they were, like, clawing kind of near the sheets. I just remember thinking, like, all right, I'm not coming back from this kind of thing. Like, if I fall asleep, like, it's. This is it. And then it was just the happy part. The most amazing part is then I don't know if I blinked. I don't know if it was like a burst of light. But regardless, my vision just, like, went out for a second. Like, you know when you see something so bright, your eyes just, like, can't focus? And I kind of focus my eyes for a second, and it's like the brightest, warm, golden light you could ever imagine suddenly is engulfing me everywhere. And I focus more on as I'm like, what's going on? And I started to see, like, kind of golden flakes come, almost like pixie dust or something. I don't know, like, kind of falling. And as my eyes adjust, I realize that it's two ginormous ivory wings, like, actual wings covered in feathers and lustrous gold. And they're warm and radiating light, completely covering me. Like, if you imagine one was going from, like, beyond my shoulder, like beyond the headboard, all the way to my feet. And then another one was kind of crossing underneath it, just completely covered by these giant wings. And I knew that was. That was the Lord's protection for me. I felt like I had a moment. You know, you always have the prayers your parents would pray of, like, oh, let there be, like, angels by the bedside or whatever. I felt like they were there. And I remember at one point, kind of like, almost felt like Lot's wife, like, looking back as I kind of, like, looked over to the side. And I remember the angel's wings, like, shifting, kind of opening up to almost be like, oh, you want to see? And I remember seeing the. The claws, the hands trying to grab, like, right over. Like, if. If those wings weren't there, they would be scratching me up and doing whatever demons do. And then the wings closed again. And I remember almost like a fade out in a movie, Just peace. And that was it. And then I woke up the next morning. I Was like, what the heck?

Martin (16:28)

So you just like fell asleep in these wings, dude?

Rebecca Stevens (16:31)

Yeah. Which like, was the most, of course, like peaceful thing you could ever imagine. And like later on I struggled with suicidal thoughts a lot. And there was a lot of, a lot of like Frank Peretti esque situations in my bedroom when I was older, like 16 to 18, where I felt like there was a presence in my room that I couldn't get away from, that I couldn't. Like I would be pacing kind of almost like the, I don't know what the old English story is with the woman where she's like walking around the wall and like the wallpaper gets bloody because she's like walking and she's insane. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Martin (17:07)

No, but that sounds like right up my alley.

Rebecca Stevens (17:10)

The yellow wallpaper. It's a yellow wallpaper about like women going inside.

Martin (17:13)

I gotta look that up.

Brian Save (17:14)

Email Ben. Sounds like an amazing dusty tone.

Rebecca Stevens (17:18)

Yeah, the yellow wallpaper. It's creepy.

Martin (17:21)

Wow.

Rebecca Stevens (17:22)

But I remember being like overwhelmed with, with the feeling of there's something in here that I can't, I can't stop. Like it, it's going to get me at some point. And one time, and this is when I had also been reading Frank Peretti, which was a big help in me realizing, like, it's not like you guys say, like it's not just stuff like there's there's other things out there. And I remember one time like forcing myself to go over to the opposite corner of my room and open a Bible, which I don't remember when I had done last and opened to Psalm 91. And if you know Psalm 91, it talks about being covered in his wings and finding refuge. And so for a long time that was a psalm of comfort. And I remember when I read that immediately, I mean I probably hadn't thought about that instance for years, but immediately that came to my mind and it felt like just like this cloak, like, like, you know, kind of almost like, like Christian and Pilgrim's Progress. Almost like this weight just physically dropped off of me. And I just realized like it's the Lord. The Lord is, is who he says he is. And it was really truly like the aha moment of like he is the protector and he is the Sovereign one over everything, all of creation. And fast forward to meeting my wonderful current husband and only husband, Elisha. And we as I get to know him better. I wanted, Nolly, forever that my mother in law had been praying for her children and their to be, you know, Spouses have been praying Psalm 91 oh wow. For awesome her entire life. And that's like her thing. And I remember when she told me that I just wept because I realized like again, I know my parents are Christians and I know they've prayed for me and my, my husband. But then to have that like connect with that specific passage was just nothing but the Lord. So I've, I've looked back at that story who I didn't tell to my parents for a long time because they would have terrified them. And also it would have been something that probably wouldn't have been talked about in the family. But I told my homeschool crush at the time and he was like, well, I don't really know what to tell you, but I think that's important. I think the Lord wants you to do something with that and know that he's protecting you. And so I just kind of held onto that for a long time. And then when we started listening to Content Cosmos, it had told Elisha about it years before. He's like, I think you should mention that. Yeah, you should say something about it. So, man, that's the story.

Brian Save (20:02)

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Martin (21:16)

That's amazing. I was particularly affected by what you said there at the end with your mother in law praying. So I'm not going over the future. The thing that I think I never get tired of with the Lord is how thoughtful of a father he is. Over Entire lives and generations. He's showing that he's not just a protector, although of course he is, but he is a very thoughtful and affectionate father that wants to keep giving good gifts to his children, even when we don't even recognize the fullness of their goodness. You know, like, and it takes us our entire lives to. For our eyes to be open and be like, wow, he was, like, planting the seeds of this incredible gift. And almost this, like, you know, it can sound cliche in our modern evangelical setting, but almost this. This personal. Just, hey, I really love you, you know, and. And I. And I want. Good for you. And look, here's how I can prove it to this particular soul. Like, given all of your dispositions and your insecurities or fears or your struggles, this is how much I. I care about and love you. That's. I think that that's just an amazing story.

Brian Save (22:29)

Yeah. And I mean that the. The enemy loves to destroy. And so one of the chief vectors where he always wants to get in is with the children, you know, in believing families. If he can get in and say, I'm going to sow doubt, I'm going to, you know, sow the seeds of apostasy in the children of believers. And your story really reminded me just of the importance of prayer for your kids, because we. I know both Ben and I regularly pray. I mean, I have seven kids, and I pray for them constantly, you know, every night. Lord, protect them. Guard us by your angels. Help us, you know, to wake up safely in the morning. And it's easy to forget as a parent, even for the child, like, the world is small, and it's also kind of big at the same time. Like, there. The night is a scary thing.

Martin (23:18)

Yeah.

Brian Save (23:18)

Like, it is a time. The Psalms speak of the watches of the night and how it really is a time where it's not unfitting for a person to face fear and feel vulnerable. Like in the darkness. Darkness is a metaphor for the work of the enemy for a reason darkness conceals. It's like it is the haunt of bad and evil things, but God is lord over it. Psalm 91, Psalm 139.

Martin (23:51)

Even in the deepest darkness, still you're there.

Brian Save (23:54)

Yeah, if I were to go into the deepest dark, there you'd find me. I set Psalm 91 in music a few years ago, and it has been one of those psalms that before I did that, I hadn't really paid attention to it. I'd read it. But in the process of setting it to music, it really hit it in My heart. And it's now one of those psalms that does come to mind a lot. Both for the protection that God guards us by his angels, but also just these promises, like upon the adder you will tread on the lions that God's people are not just. We talked about it in another graveyard shift, but not just playing defense, but actually offense as well. That God really wants to use his people to storm the gates of hell, which won't prevail against the church.

Martin (24:37)

Yeah. And just to your point about prayer like that, that's something that I recommend to everyone, that they would intentionally pray, especially over their kids. But this is something I should be better at over the whole home and my wife as well, that the darkness would be a comfort because the Lord is there. You know, that he would. It's always like that. You'd send your angels to guard and protect us from all the darkness. But when my oldest, now he's four, he's still really little. He struggled with nap time when he was about 2 or 3 because he was afraid of the shadows. He would say, like, I don't like the shadows. And it was an interesting object lesson for me because I was having to work out with him why you don't have to be. And it's just this incredible, often overlooked work of the gospel that turns those shadows that you should be afraid at. Just in a fallen world with nothing else going on. Yeah, you should be afraid of the shadows. But because the Lord is here, the shadows actually can comfort you and they can make you sleep better because, you know, God is there. Yeah. You know, and he's not going to let. Just like, with you like that, that story. This is an amazing story because it goes from terrifying to almost this like, magical, enchanting account of how faithful and good the Father is. Now, one of the questions that I had, you know, I think. I think you said it a couple times, but you were like lucid during that experience. You, you were not. You hadn't fallen asleep and then you woke up like you were awake in that. To me, like, that's the sleep paralysis thing. I mean, we've been circling around it. I don't want to repeat myself, but, you know, the darkness is where the haunt of the jackals is. And when we're trying to go to sleep, we're in this vulnerable place where we really are giving ourselves over to like, I hope something protection of God

Brian Save (26:34)

because I'm not paying attention.

Martin (26:36)

And we even have those kind of silly kid, like, thoughts of like, well, if I'm If I have the covers all the way over me, nothing can get me, you know, and, like, those really juvenile thoughts, but they never really totally go away. And how the demons and the forces of darkness just use that time so clearly as the opportunity to. I'm going to instill fear. I'm going to instill doubt, I'm going to instill hate, whatever I can into this. Into this person. So, hey, even if it's possible, I can take away even the elect, you know, like, they're longing to take the saints away from the guardianship of God.

Brian Save (27:13)

It's important that you tell your kids when they're like, well, the covers will protect me. That you look them in the eye and you say, the covers cannot keep you safe from what is to come. I'm just kidding.

Rebecca Stevens (27:23)

Don't do that.

Brian Save (27:25)

It's the Lord Jesus.

Martin (27:29)

We're. The hands. And kind of the way you describe the. Those hands is really terrifying.

Brian Save (27:33)

I pointed to your hands because I

Martin (27:35)

don't have any fingers.

Brian Save (27:36)

Like, where they bent. They were kind of. They were really deformed hands. Kind of like. Kind of like, like bent.

Martin (27:41)

She also said they were super muscular, though. Well, a little editorializing there.

Brian Save (27:48)

Yeah, that was. No, the.

Martin (27:50)

The description of them being, like, thin and graphite, like, but powered by something that was deeper than what you could see. Were they connected to the masks or were they two kind of separate things?

Rebecca Stevens (27:59)

Things I could never tell. I could never see any bodies connect. Like, I never would see something, like, longer than a little past the forearm and the elbow. So I never actually saw. I never actually saw the bodies. And I mean, you could imagine the hands would be extending from, like, if the head's over here, you know, you could imagine it extending beyond. But, like, I never saw eyes behind the masks. I never saw any sort of light. It was like, if you imagine the darkest black paint you have, it's like that sort of void of light. And so even if they were connected, there was no life, if that makes sense.

Martin (28:37)

Like, vantablack. Like, it.

Brian Save (28:39)

Dude, I was hoping you'd say it

Martin (28:41)

takes away all the light, you know,

Brian Save (28:43)

I love is such a good word.

Martin (28:45)

Yeah.

Brian Save (28:46)

That paint that, like, absorbs 99.97% of light. It's black because it is. It is a black hole.

Martin (28:54)

It eats the light.

Brian Save (28:54)

It eats it, which consumes the light, which is interesting.

Martin (28:57)

Like, you know, you see in these encounters that trope of darkness and blackness, like a black. That's blacker than black, you know, and it's because our understanding of black is that it's eating everything. So it's the consumer, it's taking and taking and taking and taking. And then you have that light coming down and the wings of light and how it can't eat that, you know, like that's the light that it can't consume. Yeah, it's almost like it's poison to it, you know, it repels it. It's amazing.

Rebecca Stevens (29:27)

Dang.

Brian Save (29:28)

Well, I got nothing else.

Martin (29:30)

I know.

Brian Save (29:31)

That's a great story.

Martin (29:32)

That is a great story.

Brian Save (29:33)

And so you, you said you had other, you know, experiences like this, but God turned all of them and just kept using them to more re. Emphasize and reiterate. No, I'm lord of, like these things are real, but I'm, I'm the Lord of them. I'm not. They don't scare me.

Rebecca Stevens (29:49)

Yeah, exactly. I mean it was just like the confidence that I, I've gained is nothing apart from Christ because he's just shown me. Yeah, he is totally sovereign. He is. There's nothing that goes beyond his power, nothing that is greater. And I know that my, I have three boys and my, currently my five year old has been the most scared of the dark. And he's asked us before, well, you know, same thing, kind of like, well, what about the dark? Like, I don't like the dark. We've told him, like, can you imagine how powerful Satan is compared to God? Satan is a created being. God is the Creator. We've been talking about Thomas Aquinas's five proofs with my seven year old. And so we've been talking, let's go homeschool, man, homeschool. But we've been talking about that and just like comparing, you know, a created being with the Creator and the amount of power and there's just been so much comfort because, you know, I've, because of the Lord's kindness, like I've experienced then kind of seeing this, this comfort, this protection. So I can very confidently tell my children I'm not like trying to like make it up or kind of like, you know, like, yeah, it's fine, maybe, hopefully, you know, it's been a, it's been a gracious thing of the Lord to be able to share that with my kids too. Because I, I was a very fearful kid growing up and again like the, the temptations for suicide and everything were really, really intense. But then just knowing like the Lord is sovereign and he has a plan and I look at my children now and I think, thank you God. Thank you God. Beyond human gratitude for, for what you've given to me what you've done for me and what you will continue to do, Lord willing, through me, for your kingdom. It's a humbling thing, and it's a beautiful thing. So it's. It's scary to think about what would have happened if, you know, the experience didn't end the way that it did. But I'm so grateful that it did.

Martin (31:41)

Yeah. Yeah.

Rebecca Stevens (31:42)

Yeah. I'm so grateful.

Martin (31:43)

Yeah. It's funny how, like, our thank yous seem so silly when. When we're, like, fully. When we have moments where we really get to appreciate the goodness of God. And, of course, we're like, thanks.

Brian Save (32:00)

Hey.