HBR On Leadership: How to Earn Respect as a First-Time Manager Release Date: March 19, 2025

Introduction

In the "How to Earn Respect as a First-Time Manager" episode of HBR On Leadership, hosted by Harvard Business Review, listeners are immersed in an insightful conversation about the challenges and strategies for new managers striving to gain respect and authority, particularly women navigating leadership roles. The episode features McKinsey's Senior Partner Lorena Yee, former HBR editor Kelsey Alpaio, and host Amy Bernstein, who collectively explore the nuanced dynamics of transitioning from peer to leader.

The Challenges of First-Time Management

Transitioning into a managerial role is fraught with difficulties, especially when shifting from being a peer to becoming a boss. Common pitfalls include over-acting managerial behaviors, feeling inadequate compared to more experienced team members, and struggling to apply existing knowledge effectively. These challenges are often exacerbated by inherent biases, making the journey particularly tough for women.

Kelsey Alpaio reflects on the frustrations of losing respect from former peers:

"I think to me it's about being heard and being listened to and not having your ideas or decisions constantly questioned."
[00:31]

Amy Bernstein echoes similar sentiments, sharing her experience of credibility being questioned:

"I remember being put in charge of a magazine section where my credibility was questioned... People would go around me to my boss."
[03:17]

Personal Experiences of Kelsey Alpaio and Amy Bernstein

Both Kelsey and Amy recount their personal struggles with asserting authority and earning respect in their initial managerial roles. Kelsey shares her sense of being undermined, questioning whether the lack of respect was due to her gender, inexperience, or the quality of her decisions:

"I just didn't know why I wasn't being taken seriously. All I knew was that it felt bad and it felt like I wasn't doing a good job."
[03:53]

Amy Bernstein adds her own flashbacks to similar experiences, highlighting the emotional toll of not being respected:

"It's incredibly painful and I'm having flashbacks to exactly the same kind of experience when I first became a manager."
[03:08]

Listener Contributions: Women's Struggles in Gaining Authority

The episode incorporates anonymous listener contributions that shed light on the pervasive issue of women struggling to gain authority in managerial roles. Contributors describe experiences where their accomplishments were diminished, their authority questioned, and their leadership undermined despite their qualifications.

One listener notes:

"Before becoming manager, I was expected to perform and excel to prove myself. And then once you're in the role, you almost go back to zero."
[06:13]

Another highlights the impact of politeness on perceived authority:

"I tried to use the approach where I was very polite, but I think that that also affected how they viewed me as someone with power."
[06:44]

Insights from Lorena Yee

Lorena Yee brings a research-based perspective to the conversation, drawing from her extensive work on women in corporate leadership. She emphasizes that earning respect is not merely about being taken seriously but also about navigating inherent workplace biases and microaggressions that women frequently encounter.

Highlighting key statistics from her research:

"For every 100 men promoted from entry-level roles to manager positions, only 87 women are promoted and only 82 women of color."
[10:38]

Lorena discusses the impact of microaggressions, such as questioning a woman’s competence or accent, which cumulatively hinder their professional growth and authority.

Overcoming Microaggressions and Bias

Addressing the subtle yet pervasive nature of microaggressions, Lorena explains how these "thousand cuts" can erode a manager's confidence and authority. She underscores the importance of recognizing these behaviors and preparing to tackle them proactively.

A poignant story shared by a listener illustrates the impact of implicit biases:

"In a client meeting, the chairman mistook me for someone who was supposed to serve tea. It created an intense sense of isolation and imposter syndrome."
[14:00]

Lorena emphasizes the role of allyship in combating these biases:

"Please have someone who is senior and male to step in and reinforce your authority when these moments happen."
[15:48]

Strategies for Building Respect and Authority

The conversation delves into actionable strategies for new managers to build respect and authority. Both Amy and Kelsey stress the importance of authenticity, competence, and clear communication over superficial likability.

Amy advises new managers to prioritize their inherent strengths:

"Prioritizing the other qualities that got you into this role in the first place... you will win respect. That's a lot more important than the like, if you know what I mean."
[21:10]

Kelsey highlights the necessity of manager support in reinforcing authority:

"Your boss could have turned them around and had them investigate why they were going around me or why they weren't listening to my delegation or my decisions."
[18:34]

The Role of Power and Likability

A significant portion of the discussion focuses on the delicate balance between wielding authority and maintaining personal likability. Lorena reflects on her discomfort with the concept of power:

"It's overwhelming to have power because that means you have responsibility... it almost does feel like a word that's above you."
[34:22]

Amy counters this by distinguishing between respectful authority and superficial likability:

"Leading with likability is just gonna get you in trouble... respect and likability are not the same thing."
[20:45]

Practical Advice for New Managers

The episode culminates with practical advice for aspiring managers. Lorena emphasizes the importance of preparation and having a support system:

"Go into your first day, your first month, armed with a plan... Who are the three or four people you can trust?"
[22:31]

Amy underscores the value of owning one’s role and responsibilities without defaulting to likability:

"You earned this right. And with that power comes responsibility, which you accept."
[27:05]

Kelsey advises transparency and seeking feedback to navigate managerial challenges:

"Being honest with yourself and with them can go a really long way."
[23:49]

Conclusion

HBR On Leadership’s episode on earning respect as a first-time manager provides a comprehensive exploration of the hurdles new managers, especially women, face in establishing authority. Through personal anecdotes, listener contributions, and expert insights from Lorena Yee, Amy Bernstein, and Kelsey Alpaio, the episode offers valuable strategies and encouragement for aspiring leaders to navigate and overcome the complexities of management roles. Emphasizing authenticity, competence, and proactive communication, the conversation equips new managers with the tools needed to earn and sustain respect in their professional journeys.

Notable Quotes:

• Kelsey Alpaio on being heard:

  "I think to me it's about being heard and being listened to and not having your ideas or decisions constantly questioned."
  [02:31]

• Amy Bernstein on management transition:

  "Managing is really hard and it's important for people to understand that. Management takes a lot of work and you build skills, you build muscle and you build muscle memory."
  [19:48]

• Lorena Yee on microaggressions:

  "Women will have their judgment questioned. They will be less likely to receive support."
  [10:59]

• Amy Bernstein on power and responsibility:

  "You earned this right. And with that power comes responsibility, which you accept."
  [27:05]

Final Thoughts

This episode serves as an essential guide for aspiring managers, particularly women, offering both empathy and actionable advice to navigate the intricate path of leadership. By addressing the emotional and strategic aspects of earning respect, HBR On Leadership empowers new managers to build authoritative and respectful workplaces.