Podcast Summary: HBR On Leadership — "How to Manage an Employee Who Gets on Your Nerves"

Release Date: November 20, 2024

Introduction

In the episode titled "How to Manage an Employee Who Gets on Your Nerves," Harvard Business Review's "HBR On Leadership" delves into the challenges managers face when dealing with difficult employees. Hosted by Alison Beard and Dan McGinn, the episode features psychologist Art Markman, a former professor at the University of Texas at Austin and the current Vice Provost for Academic Affairs. Markman provides actionable strategies and insights to help leaders navigate and mitigate interpersonal conflicts within their teams.

Key Challenges Discussed

1. Managing an Interrupting Subordinate
2. Addressing Overly Polite and Deferential Employees
3. Handling Passive-Aggressive Team Members

1. Managing an Interrupting Subordinate

Listener's Concern: A new manager is struggling with a seasoned manager whose communication style is frustrating—constant interruptions, off-topic discussions, and a general lack of likability among team members.

Expert Insights:

• Focus on Specific Behaviors:

  • Art Markman (03:11): Emphasizes the importance of addressing specific behaviors rather than labeling the employee as "unlikable."

• Provide Constructive Feedback:

  • Encourage the manager to help the employee develop better listening skills by using tools like notepads during meetings to jot down thoughts instead of interrupting.

• Utilize Self-Monitoring Techniques:

  • Dan McGinn (08:15): Suggests recording conversations to help the employee become aware of their interrupting habits.

• Emphasize Active Listening:

  • Train the employee to listen actively and wait for natural pauses before contributing to discussions.

Notable Quotes:

• Art Markman (03:31): “The light bulb has to want to change.”
• Art Markman (07:21): “We're designed to do things, not to not do things.”

Strategies for Improvement:

• Notepad Usage: Encourage the employee to write down points during meetings to minimize verbal interruptions.
• Time-Boxing Contributions: Implement a rule where the employee speaks only after a natural break and keeps contributions concise (ideally under 40 seconds).
• Recording Meetings: Allow the employee to listen back to recorded conversations to self-assess and adjust their behavior.

2. Addressing Overly Polite and Deferential Employees

Listener's Concern: A manager is frustrated with an employee who is excessively polite and deferential, to the point of coming off as condescending and hindering effective communication.

Expert Insights:

• Understand Underlying Causes:

  • Art Markman (17:25): Highlights that the employee's politeness may stem from past experiences with negative authority figures or cultural conditioning.

• Build Self-Confidence:

  • Provide the employee with small victories to boost their confidence, such as acknowledging their contributions positively when they take initiative.

• Cultural Sensitivity:

  • Recognize that societal shifts towards heightened sensitivity may influence the employee's behavior, causing them to overcompensate in professional settings.

Notable Quotes:

• Art Markman (17:25): “This is a fascinating letter because he's being overly deferential.”
• Art Markman (20:10): “Give people some small victories.”

Strategies for Improvement:

• Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and thank the employee when they engage more assertively.
• Specific Behavioral Goals: Set clear, actionable steps for the employee to become more assertive, such as directly stating their questions without preambles.
• Scripted Responses: Provide the employee with language templates to express disagreement or assert their points without excessive politeness.

3. Handling Passive-Aggressive Team Members

Listener's Concern: A manager is dealing with a passive-aggressive subordinate who communicates indirectly through gossip chains, causing anxiety and uncertainty about the employee's true feelings and intentions.

Expert Insights:

• Establish Direct Communication Channels:

  • Art Markman (27:07): Advises the manager to communicate directly with the advisory board member involved to break the indirect communication loop.

• Self-Reflection for Managers:

  • Encourages managers to assess their own reactions and anxieties, which might inadvertently contribute to the passive-aggressive behavior.

• Document Interactions:

  • Keep a record of all coaching conversations and behavioral expectations to create a clear trail for future reference if behaviors do not improve.

Notable Quotes:

• Art Markman (32:14): “When you can begin to talk about how this makes you feel.”
• Art Markman (33:18): “Because in fact he can break through and change that behavior.”

Strategies for Improvement:

• Direct Dialogue: Initiate a conversation with the employee emphasizing the importance of direct communication and expressing a genuine desire to understand and resolve underlying issues.
• Addressing Higher-Ups: Engage with the advisory board member to ensure support for the new communication protocols.
• Focus on Development: Frame the conversation around the employee’s growth and the benefits of improved communication for their career progression.

Expert Insights and Strategies

Active Listening and Self-Awareness: Art Markman underscores the necessity for employees to develop active listening skills. Managers can facilitate this by encouraging practices like note-taking during meetings and recording conversations for self-review.

Building Confidence Through Positive Reinforcement: For employees who are overly polite or deferential, fostering confidence through positive feedback and setting achievable goals can help them become more assertive without feeling threatened or undervalued.

Breaking Indirect Communication Loops: In cases of passive-aggressive behavior, establishing clear and direct communication channels is crucial. This may involve addressing not just the employee but also other stakeholders who may be inadvertently enabling indirect communication.

Focusing on Behavior, Not Personality: Across all scenarios, Markman emphasizes addressing specific behaviors rather than attributing negative traits to the employee’s personality. This approach fosters constructive dialogue and paves the way for meaningful improvements.

Notable Quotes

• Art Markman (03:31): “The light bulb has to want to change.”
• Dan McGinn (08:15): “It's like watching an instant replay of yourself swinging a golf club.”
• Art Markman (17:25): “This is a fascinating letter because he's being overly deferential.”
• Art Markman (20:10): “Give people some small victories.”
• Art Markman (27:07): “It's not just you want to say to somebody, you know, nobody likes you.”
• Art Markman (32:56): “It's about your reaction to it rather than the accusation.”

Conclusions and Takeaways

Managing employees who exhibit challenging behaviors requires a nuanced approach focused on specific behaviors rather than personal traits. Art Markman provides a framework that includes:

• Specificity in Feedback: Clearly identify and discuss the exact behaviors that need adjustment.
• Empathy and Understanding: Strive to understand the underlying causes of the employee’s behavior, whether they stem from past experiences, cultural factors, or personal insecurities.
• Actionable Strategies: Implement practical tools such as notepads, recorded meetings, positive reinforcement, and scripted responses to facilitate behavioral change.
• Direct Communication: Establish and maintain open lines of communication to prevent indirect or passive-aggressive interactions from taking root.
• Focus on Development: Frame conversations around the employee’s growth and the positive outcomes of improved behavior, fostering a supportive environment conducive to change.

By adopting these strategies, managers can transform challenging employee behaviors into opportunities for development, ultimately enhancing team dynamics and organizational effectiveness.