HBR On Leadership: How to Resolve Team Conflict

Released: May 21, 2025
Hosts: Amy Bernstein and Kelsey Alpaio
Guest: Amy Gallo, Workplace Dynamics Expert and Contributing Editor at HBR

Introduction and Context

In the episode titled "How to Resolve Team Conflict", hosts Amy Bernstein and Kelsey Alpaio engage in a deep dive into the nuances of managing conflict within teams. They are joined by Amy Gallo, a workplace dynamics expert, who brings invaluable insights into navigating various types of conflicts that arise in professional settings. This conversation is particularly beneficial for new managers and leaders seeking effective strategies to foster a harmonious and productive work environment.

Personal Experiences with Conflict

The discussion kicks off with Kelsey Alpaio sharing a personal anecdote about her initial struggles with managing an underperforming direct report. At [02:09], Kelsey recounts her instinctive desire to avoid confrontation by not addressing the underperformance directly. She admits, "I sat down in that one on one and I was like, nope, we're not doing this. We’re just gonna have a nice pleasant one on one and then we're gonna go our separate ways."

This confession highlights a common dilemma faced by managers: the tension between maintaining personal comfort and fulfilling managerial responsibilities. Kelsey's experience serves as a poignant example of the challenges inherent in conflict management, setting the stage for the strategies discussed later in the episode.

Defining Conflict and Its Types

Amy Gallo defines conflict broadly as any situation where "you and another person's needs, wants, desires are not aligned" [04:05]. She categorizes conflicts into four primary types:

1. Process Conflict: Disagreements over how tasks should be accomplished.
2. Task Conflict: Disagreements about the goals and objectives.
3. Status Conflict: Disputes over authority and decision-making power.
4. Relationship Conflict: Personal tensions and antagonisms.

Gallo emphasizes that these types often overlap, leading to complex "hot mess" scenarios where multiple issues intertwine [07:41]. Understanding these categories is crucial for diagnosing the nature of conflicts and determining appropriate resolution strategies.

Approaches to Managing Conflict

Gallo outlines four distinct approaches to handling conflict:

1. Ignore It: This was Kelsey's initial response, choosing to avoid difficult conversations [05:45].
2. Address It Directly: Engaging in open, honest dialogue to resolve disagreements.
3. Address It Indirectly: Using stories, metaphors, or intermediaries to facilitate resolution.
4. Bail on the Relationship: As a last resort, ending the professional relationship.

She advises that ignoring conflict, while temporarily relieving, often exacerbates the issue in the long run. Instead, she recommends addressing conflicts directly or indirectly based on the situation's demands [05:45].

Conflict Styles: Seekers vs. Avoiders

Gallo introduces the concept of conflict styles, categorizing individuals into conflict seekers and conflict avoiders, though she notes that these styles exist on a spectrum [08:09].

• Conflict Avoiders prioritize harmony and relationships, often shying away from confrontations. Gallo advises them to weigh short-term discomfort against long-term goals and to reframe their approach to view conflict as a constructive tool.

  "You're valuing relationships and harmony... but you have to watch out that you don't default to that." [09:29]

• Conflict Seekers are more inclined to engage in confrontations, ensuring issues are addressed head-on. However, Gallo cautions them against bulldozing conversations and emphasizes the importance of maintaining respect and balance.

  "Seekers really have to watch that they're not dominating the conversation... sometimes letting the conversation or the conflict go is the right thing to do." [10:31]

Handling Conflict with Direct Reports

The conversation shifts to managing conflicts with direct reports, especially when dealing with age or gender biases. Gallo stresses the importance of focusing on specific tasks rather than personal motives.

Key strategies include:

• Asking Neutral Questions: Instead of assuming motives, ask, "What's going on?" to understand the underlying issues [16:53].

• Setting Clear Expectations: Establish short-term milestones and clarify goals to ensure accountability [17:14].

• Avoiding Presumptions: Refrain from attributing conflicts to biases without evidence, as this can derail productive conversations [18:36].

Gallo advises maintaining a business-focused dialogue to navigate these sensitive situations effectively.

Managing Conflicts Among Direct Reports

When two direct reports are in conflict, Gallo recommends resolving the issue at the lowest possible level. This involves:

1. Coaching Individually: Speak with each party separately to understand their perspectives and motivations [25:23].

2. Encouraging Empathy: Urge team members to consider each other's viewpoints and articulate their own interests [28:29].

3. Promoting Collaboration: Emphasize that resolving the conflict is part of their collaborative responsibilities [27:23].

By fostering an environment where team members feel empowered to resolve their disagreements, managers can minimize the need for constant intervention.

Navigating Conflicting Directives from Superiors

A listener named Jen shares her struggle with conflicting directives from higher management, forcing her to allocate her team’s efforts against initial agreements [29:07]. Gallo acknowledges the complexity of such conflicts, where managers must balance pleasing superiors with supporting their direct reports.

Recommendations include:

• Understanding the ‘Why’: Seek clarity from superiors about the reasoning behind directives to better explain them to the team [33:07].

• Transparent Communication: Share the rationale for decisions with the team, focusing on business goals rather than personal biases [33:36].

• Advocating for Compromise: Explore potential compromises or phased implementations to ease the transition [33:52].

Gallo warns against passing the responsibility of conflict resolution solely onto either superiors or team members, emphasizing the manager's role in mediating and explaining decisions effectively [31:54].

Balancing Friendliness and Managerial Authority

Kelsey Alpaio discusses her tendency to be a "cool boss," aiming to be both a friend and a manager. Gallo advises prioritizing respect over likability, ensuring that while managers can maintain friendly relationships, they must also establish clear boundaries regarding their authoritative role [21:04].

Key points include:

• Setting Clear Boundaries: Clearly communicate the dual roles during interactions to prevent confusion [22:52].

• Maintaining Fairness: Avoid favoritism by ensuring consistent treatment of all team members, reinforcing equity and fairness [23:10].

Gallo shares her own experience of managing a friend, highlighting the challenges and the importance of delineating roles to preserve both the professional relationship and personal friendship [25:09].

Addressing Office Politics and Transparency

The hosts pose a question about balancing openness with shielding the team from office politics. Gallo responds by advocating for transparency without engaging in the negative aspects of office gossip.

Guidelines include:

• Explain Decision-Making Processes: Share the rationale behind decisions and the trade-offs involved, fostering trust and understanding [36:51].

• Encourage Feedback: Allow team members to surface new information that could influence decisions, promoting an inclusive environment [38:37].

• Avoid Gossip: Refrain from sharing excessive details about managerial meetings or informal politics, as it can damage credibility and trust [38:36].

Gallo emphasizes that while some level of transparency is beneficial, it's crucial to maintain professionalism and focus on constructive information sharing [37:40].

Conclusion and Takeaways

As the episode wraps up, Kelsey reflects on her transformed mindset towards conflict, appreciating the perspective that conflict can be a tool for growth and improvement rather than a purely negative experience [39:31].

Gallo reinforces that neither conflict seekers nor avoiders are inherently "right" or "wrong," but effective conflict management requires recognizing one's natural tendencies and adapting them to suit each unique situation [40:48].

The conversation concludes on a hopeful note, with Kelsey expressing newfound confidence in handling conflicts, and the team encouraging listeners to apply these insights to foster healthier, more productive workplaces.

Key Quotes

• Kelsey Alpaio: "We can handle it. I feel confident we can." [41:26]

• Amy Gallo: "Conflict is normal and any decision is gonna involve trade-offs." [37:40]

• Amy Gallo: "Respect over likability and equity and fairness are premier." [23:08]

Final Thoughts

This episode of HBR On Leadership offers a comprehensive exploration of team conflict, blending personal anecdotes with expert advice. Amy Gallo’s insights provide managers with practical tools to navigate conflicts effectively, promoting a balanced approach that values both relationships and organizational goals. Whether you're a seasoned leader or new to management, the strategies discussed serve as invaluable resources for fostering a collaborative and resilient team environment.

For more insights on leadership and management, visit HBR.org.