Podcast Summary: Heavyweight Episode #62 – “Stefano”

Host: Jonathan Goldstein
Release Date: October 16, 2025

Overview:

This episode of Heavyweight explores the unfinished, lifelong longing of Anita, an Italian immigrant, to reconnect with “Stefano”—the orphaned baby she cared for on a transatlantic flight to America in 1959. Decades after Anita’s passing, her daughter Debbie seeks to fulfill her mother's poignant wish: to know what became of Stefano. Host Jonathan Goldstein joins in the search, unraveling themes of hope, loss, and the unpredictable consequences of finally bridging the gaps in unresolved stories.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Anita’s Optimism & The Story of Stefano

• [03:09 – 08:48]
  • Anita’s memorable “fierce optimism” (atemismo feroce) shapes her life, her daughter Debbie’s memory, and her approach to hardship.
  • Anita grows up in Istria, flees to Italy after WWII, and survives refugee camps through positivity.
  • On her emigration flight to the U.S. in 1959, she is entrusted to care for Stefano, a two-year-old orphan heading to America for adoption.
  • The two bond deeply, but upon arrival in New York, Stefano is abruptly taken from Anita, and neither gets to say goodbye.
  • For the rest of Anita’s life, Stefano is “the child who was hers for a day”—the one story that remained unresolved.

“Even after raising two kids of her own, Anita never stopped talking about the child who was hers for a day.” – Jonathan Goldstein [08:11]

2. The Search for Stefano

• [08:55 – 12:55]
  • Anita tries, unsuccessfully, to find Stefano through family, friends, and TV adoption reunion programs.
  • After Anita’s death in 2020 (amidst Covid and family loss), Debbie experiences unresolved grief and an urge to find Stefano as her mother’s final wish.
  • Debbie’s friend Lindsay proves adept at digital sleuthing. With scant information, she unearths Stefano’s American name (now Stephen), his adoptive father’s obituary, and a possible criminal record.

“She said [Stefano was] always on her mind, for many, many years. She wondered: ‘Where is he? Was he in a good home? What was his life like?’” – Debbie [08:28]

• On discovering a DUI (but no evidence of violence), Debbie and Lindsay hesitate, unsure if contacting Stephen is safe, and time slips away.

3. Jonathan and Khalilah Join the Search

• [13:47 – 17:54]
  • Jonathan and producer Khalilah dig through public records, tackle dead-end phone numbers, and ultimately send hopeful letters to multiple addresses.
  • Two years pass with no response, echoing the emotional toll of long-term searching.

“So we write three letters and drop them in the mailbox, letting them fly off into the world like three hopeful birds. And then time, as is its wont, passes. Two years go by.” – Jonathan Goldstein [15:31]

4. Breakthrough: Reaching Stephen (“Stefano”)

• [17:54 – 19:28]
  • After persistent efforts, Stephen finally responds. Initially suspicious, thinking it’s a scam, he explains his lack of internet, cellphone, or transportation; he eventually agrees to a phone call.

“I asked if he’d be open to a conversation with Debbie, but he said he doesn’t have transportation ... [Eventually] he said he’d be okay with a telephone call.” – Jonathan Goldstein [17:58]

5. The Reunion Call: Hopes and Realities

• [19:28 – 28:27]
  • Debbie explains to Stephen the impact he had on Anita’s life.
  • Stephen reveals a life marked by modest means:
    • Adopted at age 8 by a family who provided “no abuse” but some corporal punishment (“lickens”) [21:14].
    • He suffered from alcoholism (leading to a DUI in 1989), never married, had few long-term relationships.
    • Served four years in the Navy, narrowly missed Vietnam, spent most of his life in factories, and experienced brief homelessness in 2014.
    • Is now 68, in poor health, and fairly isolated.

“Well, God bless your mom. I wish she would have adopted me.” – Stephen [20:18]
“I have a serious alcohol problem. ... I was pretty much known as a boozer back in the day.” – Stephen [21:58, 22:17]

• Despite Debbie’s offer to share a video of Anita telling the story, Stephen declines. He doesn’t see the emotional significance Debbie hoped for.

“It could be anything. Like, I love this little toddler, you know. I love pizza. It could be anything.” – Stephen [26:27] “Do you feel like it’s too late?” – Jonathan [27:30]
“Yeah, I do.” – Stephen [27:33]

• Before leaving the call, Stephen requests the photograph of himself with Anita from the plane—a small, perhaps hopeful, connection.

6. Aftermath: Meaning and Reflection

• [28:38 – 32:37]
  • Debbie is emotionally conflicted—disappointed that Stephen didn’t want to hear Anita’s voice, yet reflecting that maybe, for Anita too, the real story might’ve been different than the hopeful one she carried.
  • Jonathan considers the limits of storytelling and love—sometimes hope persists, even when the recipient isn’t open to it.
  • Debbie holds some hope that “maybe this will plant a seed for Stephen,” especially since he wanted the photograph.

“You can never assume a gift, you know?” – Jonathan [29:44]
“Most people couldn’t comprehend that ... the love that was more than pizza, he can’t ... I think most people couldn’t comprehend that.” – Debbie [30:41]
“We live our lives in the desperate hope that if we find the right words ... our love will be understood. ... We hope love, some iota of it, will get through, even though time and time again, we’re disappointed.” – Jonathan Goldstein [30:54]

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• "For her, the glass was beyond half full. It was always full, even if there was a drop of water in there." – Debbie [03:24]
• "She would cry when she’d talk about it. ... I love you even if I don't see you too long." – Anita (via Debbie) [07:05, 08:44]
• "That baby Stefano doesn't exist anymore. When he was taken out of Anita's arms, he became Stephen. And Stephen is a 68-year-old man ... The feelings of a stranger who encountered him for one day as a toddler seem largely irrelevant." – Jonathan [27:44]
• "You can't make people, you know, see things the way you see them." – Debbie [29:29]
• "We live our lives in the desperate hope that if we find the right words, tell the story the right way, our love will be understood." – Jonathan [30:54]

Important Timestamps

• [03:09 – 08:48]: Anita’s history, her optimism, and the foundational story of Stefano.
• [08:55 – 12:55]: Debbie and Lindsay’s initial search for Stefano using digital clues.
• [15:31 – 17:54]: Jonathan and Khalilah’s efforts—letters, voicemails, years pass.
• [19:28 – 28:27]: The phone reunion with Stephen; unfiltered discussion of his life and their emotional misconnection.
• [28:38 – 32:37]: Debbie and Jonathan’s reflection on the outcome; philosophical closing.

Tone

The episode balances Jonathan Goldstein’s wry, self-aware narrative style with moments of deep poignancy from Debbie and the matter-of-fact stoicism of Stephen. The tone traverses hope, gentle humor, disappointment, and ultimately, acceptance.

Conclusion

“Stefano” is a story about longing, closure, and the limits of connection across time. It demonstrates how acts of love—like Anita’s for Stefano—can ripple through generations, even as reality rarely matches hope. Sometimes, the act of reaching out is itself the fullest realization of love, regardless of how (or if) it’s received.