Heavyweight Short: Returns and Reformers

Summary

Heavyweight Podcast Summary Episode: Returns and Reformers
Release Date: May 22, 2025
Host/Author: Pushkin Industries

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Introduction

In the "Returns and Reformers" episode of Heavyweight, producers Stevie Lane and Khalilah Holt delve into the contrasting personalities of "returners" and "non-returners" through personal anecdotes and thoughtful conversations. The episode seamlessly weaves together themes of justice, self-advocacy, and personal growth, offering listeners a rich exploration of human behavior and relationships.

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Story 1: The Returners vs. Non-Returners

Stevie Lane’s Tale of Return

Stevie Lane opens the episode by recounting a vivid family memory that highlights his grandmother's unwavering commitment to integrity and customer service. During a family gathering, Stevie’s grandmother discovers spoiled fruit in a Whole Foods fruit salad and insists on returning it despite most of it having been consumed. Her determination results in her successfully obtaining a full refund, a replacement basket, a $50 gift card, and a case of biscotti crackers from the store.

“I have a theory that there are two kinds of people in this world. Returners and non-returners. Grandma Ruth, Returner.”
[03:02]

Han’s Experience as a Non-Returner

Contrasting Stevie's proactive nature, his partner Han exemplifies the "non-returner" archetype. Han shares an ordeal with Amazon, where multiple orders of hair styling cream arrived either empty or dried up. Instead of pursuing refunds, Han opted to reorder the products, inadvertently spending more money.

“I mean, I think it comes down to, like, wanting to be liked by everybody and like being a people pleaser...”
[08:36]

The Attempt to Convert Han

Motivated by his grandmother's example, Stevie endeavors to teach Han the value of being a returner. He navigates the complexities of Amazon's customer service, facing initial frustrations but eventually securing a promotional credit after persistent efforts.

“But finally, the seven magic words.”
[10:12]

Despite his success, when Stevie shares the outcome with Han, the response falls short of his expectations. Han remains indifferent, prompting Stevie to question the deeper motivations behind their differing approaches to conflict and justice.

“I wanted them to share in my delight. Simply. I'd wanted them to care.”
[14:04]

Reflections with Grandma Ruth

The conversation shifts to Stevie’s grandmother, Grandma Ruth, who emphasizes the importance of standing up for oneself while acknowledging that not everyone shares the same drive for restitution.

“We had a very, very unusual relationship because look how long it lasted. Yeah, 74 years. Who stays together 74 years?”
[16:07]

Stevie contemplates the balance between being a returner and maintaining harmonious relationships, recognizing that personal principles often intersect with interpersonal dynamics.

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Story 2: Khalilah Holt’s Journey with Reformers

Overcoming Fitness Fears

Khalilah Holt shares her personal struggle with traditional forms of exercise, rooted in childhood insecurities and fear of judgment. Her narrative highlights the psychological barriers that prevent many from engaging in communal fitness activities.

“I just don’t like being perceived exercising. And throughout my childhood the two went hand in hand...”
[18:51]

The Pilates Experience

Determined to confront her fears, Khalilah decides to try a Pilates class with her friend Charlene. Her apprehension is palpable as she enters the class, feeling out of place among the seasoned practitioners.

“I was really struggling, she says. I didn't notice, I tell her.”
[29:22]

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

During the class, Khalilah navigates the intimidating Pilates environment, grappling with both the physical challenges and the emotional weight of being observed. Despite initial setbacks, she experiences a sense of accomplishment, particularly when she manages to perform a push-up—a milestone in her journey.

“Just in time, I managed to do a perfect push up. Just kidding. I tactfully take a water break and I skip the push ups altogether.”
[19:35]

Embracing Personal Growth

Post-class reflections reveal Khalilah’s newfound appreciation for private fitness endeavors and the importance of self-acceptance. Her experience underscores the value of stepping outside one's comfort zone to achieve personal growth.

“I'm surprised by how good I feel, like I've tapped into my body's potential.”
[29:43]

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Conclusion

"Returns and Reformers" masterfully intertwines two distinct yet thematically linked stories that explore the essence of self-advocacy and personal transformation. Through Stevie’s advocacy for integrity and Khalilah’s journey towards self-acceptance, the episode invites listeners to reflect on their own behaviors and the societal norms that shape them. The episode concludes with a heartfelt acknowledgment of the producers' efforts and a lighthearted nod to future episodes, leaving the audience with a blend of introspection and inspiration.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• “I have a theory that there are two kinds of people in this world. Returners and non-returners. Grandma Ruth, Returner.”
  [03:02]

• “I think it comes down to, like, wanting to be liked by everybody and like being a people pleaser...”
  [08:36]

• “But finally, the seven magic words.”
  [10:12]

• “I wanted them to share in my delight. Simply. I'd wanted them to care.”
  [14:04]

• “We had a very, very unusual relationship because look how long it lasted. Yeah, 74 years. Who stays together 74 years?”
  [16:07]

• “I just don’t like being perceived exercising. And throughout my childhood the two went hand in hand...”
  [18:51]

• “Just in time, I managed to do a perfect push up. Just kidding. I tactfully take a water break and I skip the push ups altogether.”
  [19:35]

• “I'm surprised by how good I feel, like I've tapped into my body's potential.”
  [29:43]

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This summary encapsulates the essence of the "Returns and Reformers" episode, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened while highlighting the key moments and insights shared by Stevie Lane and Khalilah Holt.

Transcript

[Stevie Lane]

Foreign.

[Han]

You're listening to an iHeart podcast.

[Khalilah Holt]

ChatGPT plus is free for college students now through May. That means you have no limits on how many ways you can prompt ChatGPT to help you through the worst part of the school year. I spoke with producer and college graduate Khalilah Holt.

Yeah.

You can create any image you can think of in any style. Quick, give me an image.

Sylvia Plath doing stand up comedy. Ding.

Sylvia Plath happy at last. Thanks to ChatGPT. ChatGPT plus free for college students through May. Restrictions apply.

[Stevie Lane]

Hello.

[Khalilah Holt]

Hello.

[Stevie Lane]

Hi.

[Khalilah Holt]

Hi.

[Stevie Lane]

Khalilah Holt. Stevie Lane, senior producer of Heavyweight.

[Khalilah Holt]

Your managing producer. Is that your title?

[Stevie Lane]

Yeah, something like that, yeah.

[Khalilah Holt]

We have some stories for the people today.

[Stevie Lane]

We do. We each have a story for the people.

[Khalilah Holt]

Who should go first?

[Stevie Lane]

Great question.

[Khalilah Holt]

Thank you. I'm an interviewer.

[Stevie Lane]

I think we should rock, paper, scissors for it.

[Khalilah Holt]

Okay. On shoot.

[Stevie Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Khalilah Holt]

Are we going to say it?

[Stevie Lane]

Well, I think we have to say.

[Khalilah Holt]

It for its audio. So it'll be like rock, paper, scissors, shoot. And then you say either rock, paper or scissors.

[Stevie Lane]

You don't say rock, paper, scissors says shoot?

[Khalilah Holt]

No. Why would a rock and a paper and a scissors can't talk.

[Stevie Lane]

This is the way, though. We grew up doing it. Rock, paper, scissors says shoot. It just sounds better.

[Khalilah Holt]

I think it's weird. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. It's an easy beat.

[Stevie Lane]

Okay. Rock, paper, scissors.

[Khalilah Holt]

Shoot.

[Stevie Lane]

Paper. Oh. Oh, wow. Oh, my God, we're so in line.

[Khalilah Holt]

All right, I guess we have to do it again.

[Stevie Lane]

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

[Khalilah Holt]

Rock.

[Han]

This is.

[Stevie Lane]

Are you kidding?

[Khalilah Holt]

This is going terribly.

[Stevie Lane]

Okay, okay, okay. Come on, come on.

[Khalilah Holt]

All right.

[Stevie Lane]

Rock. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Paper. Come on.

[Khalilah Holt]

Also, I feel like we're doing the rock, paper, scissors part so slow. It's like a funeral dirge. Okay, okay, let's try again.

[Stevie Lane]

Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

[Khalilah Holt]

Paper, scissors. All right, there we go.

[Stevie Lane]

All right, I guess I'm up first.

[Khalilah Holt]

All right, take it away.

[Stevie Lane]

A few years ago, my family all got together at my grandma's house. And as always, she insisted on feeding us, even though we had dinner reservations in like an hour. So along with the nuts and crackers and lukewarm spanakopita bites, my grandma had gotten this fruit salad from Whole Foods, one of those pre made ones in the big plastic tubs. So we're all eating it, and about two thirds of the way through it, someone notices that a little bit of the fruit at the bottom, just like a strawberry or two, had gone bad. And we were like, you know, whatever. We can just pick around it. But my grandma was like, no, stop. Don't touch it. I'll return it. And we were all like, grandma, what are you talking about? We've already eaten most of it. Like, they're not going to take it back now. But my grandma was like, no, it's rotten. It was expensive. I'm returning it. So the next day, my grandma marches into Whole Foods, heads straight for customer service, and she proceeds to make up this whole story about how she and my grandpa had my grandpa's boss and his wife over for a luncheon. Like, as though it's the 1950s or something, when people invited their bosses over on Sundays for luncheons. Also, my grandma is 90 years old. Like, there's no way this woman's husband still works. What is he, a lamplighter? But anyway, she says, you know, her husband's boss came over for lunch, and she served the fruit basket. And the boss's wife noticed that the fruit was moldy, and my grandma was so embarrassed, just, like, mortified. She ended up taking the boss and his wife out for lunch instead. Spent $50 on a whole meal for them. And she's like, I am a loyal customer. I come here every week to buy these little biscotti crackers you carry that my husband just loves. They're not cheap, by the way. But this fruit incident absolutely spoiled our afternoon, and I really think you ought to make it right. Okay, here's what. My grandma walked out of Whole Foods with a full refund for the original fruit basket, a new fruit basket to replace the one that had gone bad, a $50 gift card to help cover the cost of the imaginary luncheon, and a whole case of those little biscotti crackers absolutely free. I have a theory that there are two kinds of people in this world. Returners and non returners. Grandma Ruth, Returner. Whatever. Gene carries a strong sense of justice paired with a distinct lack of shame and love of, say, dramaturgy. She's got it, and it's a gene she's passed down to me. I'm also a returner. I think I feel about customer service issues the way some people must feel about hunting for sport. It's a challenge. It's a thrill. How can I prove I purchased it here when I've lost my receipt? What buttons do I press to get a live representative on the line, climbing my way through the phone tree like some kind of frantic phone monkey? Sure, it's not always the most logical use of my time. I'M still fighting a years long battle with a Spanish railroad company for a refund on a train that was four hours delayed. @ this point, I've probably spent more time on the phone with them than I spent waiting for the train in the first place. But it's the principle of the thing. The thing being the money. The principle of the money. Come on. Come scooch in a little closer, huh?

[Han]

I just ate some egg salad. I don't know how close you want me to be.

[Stevie Lane]

This is Han, my partner, A staunch non returner. Han's the sort of good natured, mild mannered person who might order their egg salad without the celery, then get an egg salad just stuffed with celery and not say anything or see that they were charged for an extra beer on a busy night at a bar, but pay the whole tab plus a stranger's just to be nice. Or get wrongfully charged by Amazon for hair cream and do nothing about it.

[Han]

Oh no, are we doing this?

[Stevie Lane]

Here's what happened. Han ordered two containers of their favorite hair styling cream from Amazon, but when the package arrived, it was empty. Sealed, untampered with, but empty. Instead of contacting Amazon though, to say, you know, like, hey, you sent me nothing, they just went ahead and ordered two more hair creams.

[Han]

And so the second two arrive and they're like all dried up. Like the way that peanut butter gets like halfway through when it's lost a lot of the oil. That's what it was like.

[Stevie Lane]

So Han threw those hair creams away, ordered two more, and for those of you keeping count, were up to four hair creams that they paid for but did not get or could not use. How expensive is this hair goop?

[Han]

21, 25 each.

[Stevie Lane]

Per goop?

[Han]

Per goop, I think. Yeah.

[Stevie Lane]

So that's like 84 more dollars than you were supposed to spend on this stuff.

[Han]

Yeah.

[Stevie Lane]

And you didn't like, call?

[Han]

No, I, I don't know how to get in contact with him.

[Stevie Lane]

Here's how to get in contact with them. Simply Google Amazon customer service phone and dial the number. So what's the real issue here?

[Han]

I mean, I think it comes down to, like, wanting to be liked by everybody and like being a people pleaser because of that. And sticking up for yourself is definitely at odds with pleasing people.

[Stevie Lane]

That's true. To be a returner, sometimes you have to be the bad guy for people like Han. Good, well liked people pleasy people. That's hard to swallow, but I want Han to learn to stick up for themself I want to show them how easy and satisfying it is. I want to teach Han how to be a returner. And returning the hair goops is the ideal tutorial. There's just one potential obstacle.

[Han]

Do you want me to tell you when it was placed? I can pull it up really easy.

[Stevie Lane]

Amazon's 30 day return policy. Hmm, you're scrolling very far right now.

[Han]

It was a really old order.

[Stevie Lane]

As in 10 months old, almost a year past the return window.

[Han]

Yeah, it's a little late to be asking Amazon. You know, there's like a lot of things working against you on this one.

[Danica]

Thank you for contacting Amazon.

[Stevie Lane]

When I call Amazon a few days later, I spend the first 10 minutes or so trying to get a real life person on the line.

[Danica]

Would you allow me to try again and help you today?

[Stevie Lane]

My usual hack where I just keep hitting zero like a lab rat demanding cocaine doesn't work.

[Danica]

I'm sorry, I didn't get that.

[Stevie Lane]

But finally, the seven magic words.

[Danica]

I'll get someone to help with this.

[Stevie Lane]

The problem with the someone when she comes on the phone is that she can't find Han's order in the system. She tells me it must be a glitch on her end and that I should hang up and call back. But. But if I call back, won't I. Do I have to wait on hold again and everything?

[Han]

No.

[Stevie Lane]

Will it be you?

[Customer Service Representative]

Just provide the order number right away.

[Stevie Lane]

But are you going to pick up the phone or will it be the robot? Hello.

[Danica]

Welcome to Amazon customer service.

[Stevie Lane]

It's the robot, but eventually.

[Customer Service Representative]

Hi, thank you for calling Amazon customer service. This is Danica.

[Stevie Lane]

I explained to my new customer service rep, Danica, about the dried up creams. Fifteen minutes later she's processed a replacement. It's that easy. Then I tell her about the first two creams that never arrived, which I'd like to be refunded for.

[Customer Service Representative]

Also, our system here is not allowing anymore to process the refund because it was already being passed return window. So we don't have any options here.

[Stevie Lane]

A thought flashes through my mind. Wwgd, what would grandma do? You know, just because I'm a loyal customer, you know, and I've been with you guys for so long, is there any way that like we can get a refund for the amount as like a credit on my Amazon account?

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay, let me just double check it here.

[Stevie Lane]

I'm sorry, one second. Sure.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay. Yes, I successfully processed this as a promotional credit for the full amount.

[Stevie Lane]

Oh, thank you. I really, I really appreciate. You were really helpful Today.

[Customer Service Representative]

All right, have a great day ahead, and bye for now.

[Stevie Lane]

Okay. Yeah, you too. Bye.

[Customer Service Representative]

Okay, thank you so much.

[Stevie Lane]

Off the phone, I start fantasizing about telling Han what I've done. They didn't think I could do it, and I have. They're going to be so happy with me. I've really done a good thing here today, and.

[Khalilah Holt]

Hello?

[Customer Service Representative]

You can now end the call.

[Stevie Lane]

Oh. Oh, I have to end it. Oh, you can't end it. Yeah, sorry about that.

[Customer Service Representative]

All right, thank you so much.

[Stevie Lane]

All right, bye.

[Han]

Hey, how's it going? How did it go?

[Stevie Lane]

I tell Han how easy it was, how all I had to do was call and wait and talk to a first representative, then call back and wait, then talk to someone else, then get the first refund, then negotiate for the promotional credit, which was a pretty baller move on my part, I think. But Han is not as jazzed about it as I thought they'd be. All they can really muster is a somewhat forced, damn, Steve, good job. And then a much more genuine.

[Han]

Sounds like Amazon has some very good customer service.

[Stevie Lane]

Yeah. Do you feel good about. Is there, like, a feeling of relief about it?

[Han]

Um, I already got over it. You know, I got over it many, many months ago.

[Stevie Lane]

The tutorial was a complete failure. I'd wanted to show Han that it's worth it to be a returner. I'd wanted them to feel how gratifying it is. I'd wanted them to share in my delight. Simply. I'd wanted them to care. Hello, Grandma?

[Grandma Ruth]

Yes.

[Stevie Lane]

So instead, I call someone who will care. Pretty good, right?

[Grandma Ruth]

Absolutely. I just should have gotten more.

[Stevie Lane]

I told Han, and they were sort of like, I don't really care. I think this is a bigger deal to you than to me. And it made me think, like, what do you think it is about us that makes us care about this more than other people do?

[Grandma Ruth]

Well, I don't know. I think it's not an unusual feeling to want to be reimbursed for harm done. But not everyone has to feel the same way about things.

[Stevie Lane]

Did Grandpa care about this stuff as much as you? No.

[Grandma Ruth]

No, I did it. He was not usually involved. He let me take care of it. I don't think he really cared.

[Stevie Lane]

My grandfather passed away a few years ago.

[Grandma Ruth]

You know, Grandpa and I were very different generally. I think he took things a little easier than I. But it worked. We kind of gave. Well, you have to give and take in relationship, Stevie. You have to give and take.

[Stevie Lane]

There are two kinds of people in this world. Returners and Non returners. And sometimes, if they're lucky, they find each other.

[Grandma Ruth]

Absolutely. Yes. Yes. We had a very, very unusual relationship because look how long it lasted. Yeah, 74 years. Who stays together 74 years?

[Stevie Lane]

Han and I have not been together 74 years, but I hope that we are. And I know it means I'll be the one always bothering the waiter. I'll have to point out the extra charges on checks, but it's a small price to pay. Han calls me their send it back girlfriend. And though they say it in jest, it actually makes me feel proud. I love them. I'd send a thousand egg salads back for them. My grandparents aren't all that religious, didn't belong to a temple. But when my grandfather died, my grandma wanted a service. So my family found a rabbi and a local synagogue. My grandma paid to reserve the synagogue's main sanctuary, a room with big windows and a beautiful view where the proceedings were to be held. But the night before the service, a pipe burst and the main sanctuary flooded. When we arrived, we found out we would be in the synagogue's library room instead, which, though perfectly fine, was more of an all purpose room lined with bookshelves. The one window I remember looked out onto the parking lot.

[Grandma Ruth]

I was expecting this nice room, and that's what I wanted. So I was disappointed. I wanted the funeral to be, you know, special, because Daddy was special.

[Stevie Lane]

So as we all filed in for my grandfather's service, my grandmother refused to step one foot over the threshold. She crossed her arms and raised her chin. She asked to speak to someone in charge. And then, in what I see as her final act of love for my grandfather, my grandmother got his $800 funeral absolutely free. After the break, Khalila takes a risk.

[Khalilah Holt]

In high school, I, like many children across our dilapidated nation, was forced to take the Presidential Fitness Test. It was actually a series of tests dating back to the Eisenhower administration and possibly designed by Dwight Dee himself. During breaks from the space race, we took the Presidential Fitness Test. Once at the beginning of the year and then again at the end. The idea being that after nine months of school sponsored exercise, school sponsored lunches and backpacks weighed down with school sponsored textbooks, we'd be stronger. There was a test to count your sit ups and another to count your push ups. My number of push ups was always zero. At the end of my sophomore year, I begged my gym partner to write down one, just one push up. That would be dishonest, she said, inking a big zero on the page. But the worst was a waking nightmare called the Pacer test. The gym teacher would put on this recording a series of progressively faster beeps and we all had to run across the gym in one big herd before the next beep sounded. When you couldn't do it anymore, you peeled away from the pack and you sat down. I'd get tired almost immediately, but the idea of singling myself out as the worst in the class with everyone watching and smirking was more than I could take. It was a feeling that persisted throughout my youth, this fear of being exposed as the weakest one in the room. I really wanted to be sporty. I went through a whole tomboy phase. For me, this just meant reading historical baseball novels, deciding I liked teams named after birds, and circulating a petition called Get Shoeless Joe Jackson into the hall of Fame. I simply wasn't athletic. During my short lived career in youth softball, someone hit a pop fly right at me. I watched as the ball arced through the air and then I just stood there stock still as it landed at my feet with a plop. Okay. The coach sighed. When the ball comes, try to, you know, catch. Wasn't until my adulthood that I realized I actually like exercising. I just don't like being perceived exercising. And throughout my childhood the two went hand in hand, but with a little privacy and moving is fun. I realized that I like hiking when I'm alone and not panting. Sorry, go ahead guys. I'm going to stop and check out this moss. I like yoga when I'm in the back row and the teacher doesn't look at me. I like dance cardio when I pull it up on a video in my bedroom and tell my partner, under no circumstances enter this bedroom if the house is on fire, let me burn. But I'm only able to do these things because I'm not visible. There's this whole other realm of fitness that I continue to avoid. These classes that seem all about being visible. They're taken by toned women with blown out hair and the right kind of trendy water bottle women who would surely wrinkle their noses at me, smelling my weakness like one of those animals gerbils that devour their runtiest children. There's spin, there's bar. And at the top of this glamorous, impossible seeming pyramid of exercise is Pilates. Charlene starts posting all these Instagram stories about Pilates. Charlene is my friend from high school and we're very different people. She works a high paying finance job and is constantly taking videos in nightclubs. Whereas I was just laid off from an industry in collapse and only take videos of cats and fish. Even so, we're close. I'm curious about Pilates, I respond to a recent story, but it terrifies me. She says we have to go to a class together. On the one hand, it feels safer to go with Charlene. I'll be able to look at her to know what to do. On the other hand, she'll be able to look at me and judge me and think with pity in her heart about me. Wow, that's sad. We pick a day. I am locked in. It turns out I know nothing about Pilates. I've been thinking about it as harder yoga for hot people, but Pilates is actually done on a large device called a reformer. When I go to the website for the studio we'll be attending, I'm excited to see a tab called New Timers, which isn't the expression first timers, but it just tells me I will need grip socks. Available for purchase 15 to $20. We push up to become better, the site tells me. We plank to become stronger. We lunge deeper so we can climb over the steepest hill to see the beauty on the other side. When I go to book my spot, I realize with horror that there is no back row for me to hide in. There is only one long first row. Also, Pilates is expensive. To take a single class costs more than a movie ticket while also being shorter and more painful than a movie. Plus, no one ever tells you to buy grip socks to see a movie. When I'm texting Charlene, I notice that my phone keeps autocorrecting Pilates so that the P is capitalized. This, I discover, is because Pilates is named after a man, Joseph Hubertus Pilates. In the black and white pictures I find online, he's a compact fellow with a tuft of white hair and a twinkle in his eye, kind of like a really ripped Rumpelstiltskin. He invented Pilates while in an internment camp on the Isle of Man. This is so shocking to me that I start bringing it up to everyone I meet. I'm suddenly obsessed with talking about Pilates, and I haven't even taken the class yet. Hi, my name's Khalilah Holt. I've never been here before. Yeah, awesome. The studio staff welcomed me warmly, but while I'm checking in, I notice that the picture on their brochure is a bunch of people holding a plank over a chasm of empty space. When I find my machine, it looks like something between a gynecologist table and a printing press. If either of those things had about five times more knobs, the instructor comes over and starts pointing. This is the carriage. This is the back kickpad. When I say two red, one gray, pull on these springs. When I say toes five, six, you put your feet here. I nod like I'm following. Other women begin to arrive. They all seem to have gotten the memo that you're meant to come to Pilates in a tasteful athleisure set where your sage toned sports bra matches your sage toned leggings. I meanwhile, I'm wearing a T shirt stained with fake blood from an old Halloween costume. By the time Charlene walks in looking fresh off an outing to Lululemon, I'm perched on the end of the Reformer, afraid to touch anything for fear of somehow getting my hand stuck. Hey. Cries Charlene. Ready to be a Pilates girly? Pilates is a little like boot camp if instead of preparing for war, you're preparing to look hot. The instructor shouts at us through a loud mic that's hard to hear under the blasting tones of songs like Numb Encore and other such hits from middle school dances past. I'm used to yoga, where they go on and on about how there's no judgment and you can rest at any time. If you try to rest in Pilates, the instructor berates you on her loud mic by going, come on, you have to try. The whole thing is baffling because I don't understand any of it. I mostly try to copy Charlene. The good news is that every time we switch to a new move, it takes me so long to figure out what's happening that I don't have to hold it for very long. We move our arms to lift a weighted part of the machine. We plank, we lunge, we squat, lunge, plank, squat, lunge again, but differently, Plank again, but on the back this time. Every time the instructor walks by, I get nervous that she might tell me I'm doing something wrong, which I almost certainly am. I know that this is normal and that she's here to teach, but still, all I can think is, don't look at me. At one point she tells us to look up towards the wall and I do. Great Khalila, she says on her mic, and I'm filled with a swell of pride. And then she announces it is time for push ups, and for the first time in my life, I overcome my long history of humiliation and I managed to do a perfect push up. Just kidding. I tactfully take a water break and I skip the push ups altogether. And that's our class, the instructor says. I'm surprised it's already over. Charlene turns to look at me, spritzed tastefully in sweat. That, she says, was the hardest class I've ever taken. On my way out, they hand me one of the brochures with the people planking. You did great today, the instructor tells me. Which I know is not true, but I guess I did do that wall looking thing. I'm surprised by how good I feel, like I've tapped into my body's potential. I imagine it's much the same way a mother might feel as she finds the strength to lift a car off her child. Only in this case, the car is a routine fitness class and the child is myself. Charlene and I step outside into the sun. I was really struggling, she says. I didn't notice, I tell her. Well, yeah, she says as we start walking. It's so hard that all your focus has to be on what you're doing. You only look at other people to make sure you're doing the right move. It's true. I realize when you're holding a plank over a chasm of empty space, the only thing you're thinking about is how hard it is to keep holding the plank and how you don't want to fall into the chasm of empty space. Who has the stamina to be judgmentally glancing all around? Not me. I didn't notice a single other person in the whole class. Which means, in all likelihood, no one noticed me either. This episode of Heavyweight was produced by me, Khalilah Holt and me Stevie Lane.

[Stevie Lane]

Along with Phoebe Flanagan.

[Khalilah Holt]

Our executive producer is Jonathan Goldstein. Our production counsel is Jake Flanagan.

[Stevie Lane]

Jake Gorski mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellowes, John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions, Sean Jacoby, Michael Hurst and Bobby Lord. Additional scoring by Aaron Paul Lowe.

[Khalilah Holt]

I'd like to give a special thanks to my Pilates studio because I love it now.

[Stevie Lane]

Follow us on Twitter Heavyweight Instagram heavyweightpodcast or email us heavyweightushkin FM Jonathan will.

[Khalilah Holt]

Be back here next week with a brand new episode about what he did in his year off. So tune in.

[Stevie Lane]

Great episode Khalila.

[Khalilah Holt]

Great episode Stevie.

[Danica]

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[Han]

You're listening to an iHeart podcast.