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I think we all have that one friend who is obsessed with research. They can't buy a Toaster without reading 26 reviews on Reddit and watching hours of video. I have a friend like that and she needs to book tickets to see her in laws this summer, but instead she's spiraling over getting the best deal. Meanwhile, the longer she waits the more prices go up. I have one recommendation for her or anyone else who just can't seem to click buy on that flight for whatever reason. The Chime Card With Chime prime status they have a 24 hour travel concierge service with a real human on the other side of the phone to help you book flights, make hotel reservations and even score the perfect pair of concert tickets. This is a luxury level perk at affordable prices. This is banking built for you, not the 1%. Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Head to chime.comhelpwanded that is chime.com helpwanted it only takes a few minutes to sign up. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services for MyPay and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges, stated annual percentage yield and cash back for Chime prime only. No minimum balance required. Checking account ranking based on the J.D. power survey published October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, MyPay Spot Me and travel perks, go to Chime.com disclosures We've had some big wins at my company this year. The kind of wins that mean it's time to expand. Bringing new people onto the team isn't something I take lightly. These people are going to help shape the content that goes out into the world with my brand and my name attached to it. So when I'm hiring, I need to make sure my job listing lands in front of the best possible people. Not just good, the best. Which means this is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves@ Indeed.com podcast just go to Indeed.com podcast right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com podcast terms and conditions apply. This isn't your job. This is a job for indeed sponsored jobs.
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This is Help Wanted, the show that makes your work work for you. I'm Jason Pfeiffer, editor in chief of
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Entrepreneur magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin. On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the help and help callers solve their work problems.
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And on Thursdays, I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.
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And it starts now.
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You need help with something and you are not asking for it. Maybe you need an introduction or some advice or a favor from someone in your network. You know that they would probably say yes, but something stops you. You think, I don't want to annoy them. They're busy enough. I'm not going to ask. And then you struggle alone. Today, I am going to show you why this approach is completely backwards and how asking for help actually strengthens your relationships. It was a revelation for me because I was just like you. In fact, let me start by telling you about the time that I had to ask many people for help. I was deeply uncomfortable about it, but what I learned was enormous because I was shocked by their response. So here's the time I asked everyone for help. I had a book come out in 2022. It's called build for Tomorrow. And when a book comes out, well, every author has to do the thing that every author dreads, which is activate their entire network. Just ask literally everybody they know for a favor. Can somebody buy a copy? Can they share on social? Can they have me on their podcast? Whatever. Please do something, everybody. This made me cringe. I mean, I love doing favors for people. I love doing favors for people. But I hate asking people for anything in return. I just don't want to be a burden. But I had no choice. So I reached out to acquaintances and friends and even a bunch of famous people. Almost everybody said yes, which was gratifying and humbling. But it's what happened next that really stunned me. A bunch of people said some version of this to me. They said, thank you for finally asking me for something. You have been so generous in the past and you never gave me a chance to return the favor. And I've always felt awkward about it. That is what they said. And I was blown away at that. All this time, I thought that asking for help was the burden. It never occurred to me that not asking for help was actually the true imposition. But wait, why would this be? To answer that, let's go to an unexpected place to leap back in time to one of the strangest controversies of the 1800s to understand why people today really, really want you to ask them for help. All right, we're going back to when people hated birthday parties until the mid-1800s. This is fun fact, true history here. Most people did not celebrate their birthday. In fact, most people didn't even know their birthday. Then a bunch of things changed all at once. First, states required that children attend school, so it was now important to know exactly how old kids were so that they could be put in the proper grades. And then, number two, industrialization led to more families having money, money that they could spend on things. And number three, an influx of German immigrants started opening bakeries. So people now knew their birthdays, they had money to spend, and they had access to cake party time. But this was controversial as the idea of the birthday party really took shape. Because traditionalists worried if we celebrate children just for being alive, just for surviving another year, well, then we will teach them to become selfish narcissists. We'll tell them you are special just because. And that will destroy local communities because it'll teach these kids to be so self obsessed and self centered that they won't be as community minded as anyone who came before them. And here is what that fear sounded like in the words of someone from that time. This is from a 1913 article in Ladies Home Journal. Ready? The children's birthday party habit not only affects the moral nature of children in various ways and sows dangerous seeds for the future in child character and habits, but it also threatens their happiness through the danger to health which such parties involve. Okay, thank you. Ladies Home Journal, 1913. But despite these concerns, many families held birthday parties anyway. And a surprising thing happened. To learn how we embraced the birthday party, I called a guy named Russell Belk. He's a professor at York university and has studied the history of birthday parties. And he told me that, yes, people worried about birthday parties because they would destroy community. But as parties became more widespread, the opposite actually proved true. Birthday parties actually brought communities closer together. And here's why. In his words, he said, there's a lingering debt in the birthday party celebration, or the exchange of gifts which keeps the group spirit alive. End quote. That concept felt like a revelation to me. A lingering debt. What interesting language. Consider it when Sally invites Jimmy to her birthday party, Jimmy is now in debt to Sally. It is a lingering debt which he can only repay by inviting her to his birthday party. And when Jimmy gets Sally a present, Sally is in debt to Jimmy, A lingering debt which she can only Repay by giving him a present on his birthday. This isn't a financial debt per se. I mean, I guess it technically is in a way, but like it is really a social debt and it lingers until the next birthday rolls around. The that is the true genius of the birthday party. It is a self reinforcing system that cycles annually, creating an endless loop of satisfying debt and repayment. And the kids love it. This is exactly also what happens when we ask for help in our adult relationships. We create a lingering social debt and it triggers something deep inside of us. In psychology, this is called the reciprocity principle. When someone does something for us, we feel psychologically obligated to return the favor. It's not just politeness. It is a fundamental human drive that helps maintain social bonds. Reciprocity is satisfying, fulfilling and affirming. Here's evidence. Think about the strongest relationships that you have today. You do not think, oh, I love that person because we leave each other alone, right? Instead, you do think that that person would do anything for me and I will do anything for them. This is what creates bonds. It is the exchange of time and energy, back and forth, over and over, forming a deeper connection each time. This is what we want. This is what we love. So why do we also fear it? I have four guesses about why we're so uncomfortable asking people for help. And that's just based on whatever makes me uncomfortable asking for help. So here it is. Number one, we overestimate the burden. We imagine that our request will be a huge inconvenience for someone, even if it's actually very small. Number two, we underestimate their willingness to help because we're terrible at predicting other people's generosity. Number three, we fear rejection when we ask for help. It's almost like we're testing the strength of a relationship and we're afraid to be disappointed. And number four, we have been conditioned to be independent. Asking for help feels like a weakness, even though it's obviously not. But psychology and history and my own personal experience shows otherwise. People want to help, they need to help. They are uncomfortable not helping. So the next time you hesitate to seek help, ask yourself this first, have I helped the person that I'm asking right now? Number two, if I have helped them, do they want to help me back? And then finally, am I being unkind to them by not letting them return the favor? And then once you have your answers, ask, for your sake and for theirs, ask. They will be so happy you did. And now here I'm going to make an ask, which is that if you do not already subscribe to my newsletter, you should. This that you just heard right now is from my newsletter. It's called One Thing Better each one way to be more successful and satisfying and build a career or company that you love. And I read them here on Help Wanted every Thursday. So if you're a longtime listener, you know that. But there is always value in getting it in your inbox. You'll get it first before it comes out on Help Wanted. And I put all sorts of other valuable things in there as well. All you have to do is go to one thing better email. That is a web address. Plug it into a browser. One thing Better Email email. And now I've asked and maybe you'll do it and have an ask of me. I don't know. Let's see how the lingering debt goes. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason
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Pfeiffer and me, Nicole Lapin. Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Do you want some help? Email our helpline at help wanted@moneynewsnetwork.com for the chance to have some some of your questions answered on the show. And follow us on Instagramoney News and Tiktokoney News Network for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?
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Oh, I didn't sign up for that.
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All right, well, talk to you soon.