Podcast Summary: Help Wanted

Episode: "Can I Tell My Husband He Needs To Make More Money? Help!"
Date: December 30, 2025
Hosts: Jason Feifer & Nicole Lapin

Episode Overview

In this episode of Help Wanted, Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin dive into a provocative, modern relationship dilemma sourced from Reddit’s "Am I the Asshole?" subreddit: What happens when a wife earns more money than her husband, and how does it impact their relationship and division of labor at home? They discuss scenarios where women out-earn their male partners, analyze listener-submitted conundrums, and judge—using their own experiences—who in each relationship situation is "the asshole." The discussion revolves around money, career prioritization, household responsibilities, communication, and evolving partnerships.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Exploring Reddit Drama: Who’s the Asshole?

[03:05 – 04:43]

• Jason introduces the "Am I the Asshole?" subreddit, explaining its appeal as a place where people seek judgment on contentious life and relationship scenarios.
  • “It's so addicting where people share these situations … and they thought that they were right, and now they've had a moment to reflect…” (Jason, 03:13)
• The episode’s focus: Reading two real posts about women out-earning their husbands and asking who (if anyone) is at fault.

2. Case #1: Breadwinner Wife, Overburdened Husband

[05:46 – 13:52]

• Situation Recap:
  • Wife has a high-paying, demanding job. Husband works from home, earns less, and covers most household and childcare duties.
  • Tension erupts when the husband, feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated, lashes out, expressing that he wants his wife to “step up” at home.
  • Argument ensues; both partners feel misunderstood, and communication breaks down.
• Hosts’ Analysis:
  • Nicole observes the role reversal: normally, gender expectations have these roles flipped.
    • “Traditionally the roles are actually reversed. It's usually the guy that's making more money and more of the burden falls on the woman. But in this case, it's a little bit of a reversal in traditional roles.” (Nicole, 09:41)
  • Jason criticizes the husband for letting resentment stew instead of expressing needs sooner.
    • “The clear asshole here is the husband because he didn't speak up before he got pissed...raise concerns before it reaches boiling point.” (Jason, 09:41)
  • The hosts note the importance of renegotiating relationship agreements as circumstances change (e.g., job shifts, children), emphasizing ongoing communication.
    • “All relationships have agreements, and those agreements can change…” (Nicole, 12:52)
  • Jason shares a personal anecdote of outsourcing childcare as an investment in his marriage, allowing both partners to work.
    • “That's money I'd rather not spend. But it's money that we both feel is in the best interests of our relationship.” (Jason, 11:46)
• Conclusion:
  • The husband was the asshole for not communicating. Both partners need to clarify and revisit agreements about roles and responsibilities.
  • “Each partner needs to ask the other one, what do you need? Let's lay out all the needs here…” (Jason, 13:28)

3. Case #2: “Am I the Asshole For Telling My Husband He Needs to Quit His Dream Job?”

[16:10 – 24:04]

• Situation Recap:
  • Wife and husband live in an expensive city. Husband leaves a higher-paying job for his dream (but low-paid) freelance career. Wife becomes main breadwinner, feels financial strain and resentful, wants husband to quit dream job for financial stability.
  • Husband suggests compromises: part-time work, moving somewhere cheaper, or getting family help—wife rejects all alternatives.
• Hosts’ Analysis:
  • Nicole questions whether “making money” or “pursuing dreams” should take priority in a job, especially when in a partnership.
    • “You need to make money from your job, right? That is the number one thing to optimize for.” (Nicole, 19:00)
  • Both recognize this is not just an economic calculus—emotions and individual fulfillment matter.
  • Jason notes how the husband offered multiple solutions, but the wife dismissed them all.
    • “One of the most problematic parts…was how dismissive she was of every solution that he had proposed…” (Jason, 22:12)
  • The hosts agree that while her concerns are legitimate, her unwillingness to compromise or even explore alternative solutions makes her the “asshole.”
    • “If he wants to make it work, I feel like she should give him a chance to make it work and really go through some of those other scenarios…” (Nicole, 23:35)
• Conclusion:
  • Resentment stems from inflexibility. Both partners should collaboratively explore creative solutions.
  • Final verdict: “She's the asshole.” (Nicole & Jason, 24:04)

4. Overarching Lessons

• Honest, proactive communication is foundational for navigating changes in family dynamics and professional lives.
• Agreements in relationships are not static; revisit and renegotiate as lives evolve.
• A willingness to try out solutions—even temporary or imperfect ones—can prevent long-term resentment.
• “Communication and a willingness to solve problems together. And if you can do that, then there's no assholes.” (Jason, 24:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We are the Judge Judys of assholes… That doesn't sound good at all, but we're going to run with it.” (Jason, 05:46)
• “I have a hard time expressing my needs…did I ask for help or did I express what I needed? And if I didn't, then I'm the asshole.” (Nicole, 13:52)
• “If he had to give up this dream…he would be so resentful. And that has to be factored in and also not discounted.” (Jason, 21:17)
• “Before you get to Grumpy Smurf, be communicative Smurf.” (Nicole, 15:26)

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Content | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------| | 03:05 | Introduction to the “Am I the Asshole?” subreddit discussion | | 05:46 | Reading and analyzing the first Reddit scenario | | 09:41 | Nicole highlights the role-reversal dynamic | | 11:46 | Jason shares personal childcare outsourcing solution | | 13:52 | Mutual reflections on expressing needs and communication | | 16:10 | Reading the second Reddit scenario | | 19:00 | Nicole on jobs and money vs. passion | | 22:12 | Jason on the importance of considering alternative solutions | | 24:04 | Verdict: “She’s the asshole.” | | 24:21 | All relationships boil down to communication |

Episode Takeaways

• Division of labor and career prioritization require honest, ongoing dialogue.
• Resentment grows from unmet, unspoken needs or rejected compromise.
• Success in relationships isn’t about always being right, but about engaging in genuine problem-solving together—even when roles or incomes shift.
• When in doubt: over-communicate and revisit your shared agreements.