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“Help! I can’t take a compliment!”

Help Wanted

Tue Nov 25 2025

Summary

Help Wanted — “Help! I can’t take a compliment!”

Podcast: Help Wanted (Money News Network)
Hosts: Jason Feifer, Nicole Lapin
Producer/Contributor: Morgan Lavoy
Date: November 25, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode delves into the surprisingly complex issue of receiving compliments at work. Hosts Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin, joined by producer Morgan Lavoy, examine why compliments can feel uncomfortable or even stressful, how this dynamic plays out in their own professional lives, and what it says about workplace culture and personal achievement. They explore the difference between complimenting and congratulating, discuss the benefits of giving recognition, and reflect on ways to improve both giving and receiving compliments as leaders and colleagues.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Compliment Struggle: Personal Confessions

Nicole’s Deflection Habit (04:28–08:44)
- Nicole expresses difficulty in accepting praise, often downplaying her achievements or redirecting kudos to others.
- Example: Morgan recounts a recent conversation where Nicole coded multiple websites, completed rebranding efforts, and produced course content, yet replied to Morgan’s compliment with “just normal stuff, plus lots of annoying taxes.”
- Morgan’s Assessment: “Nicole is so bad at taking compliments—it's like you don't even catch the football.” (07:24)
Jason’s Take (05:22–06:00)
- Jason claims he’s better at accepting compliments now but admits this wasn’t always the case; he previously felt uncomfortable and minimized praise for his achievements.

Why Compliments Can Be Hard to Take

Perpetual To-Do List Mentality (08:26–09:23)
- Nicole reveals that she focuses on tasks ahead, not past accomplishments: “I’m taking stock of all the stuff that still needs to be done.” (08:44)
- This mindset makes it hard to pause and recognize wins, leading to a diminished sense of achievement.
Mistaking Praise for 'Mission Accomplished' (12:01–13:11)
- Jason describes rejecting celebrations of his new role until he had proved himself in it, equating praise with “mission accomplished,” which he feels is never truly reached.
- Quote: “The opportunity was not the accomplishment. Doing it well is the accomplishment.” (12:31)

Exploring the Compliment Bar

Unrealistically High Standards (15:34–17:00)
- Nicole and Jason discuss setting an internal 'compliment bar' so high that everyday achievements don’t seem praise-worthy.
- Nicole admits, “The compliment bar, for me... when they're rare and they're really merited…”
Congratulating vs. Complimenting (16:43–17:10)
- The hosts distinguish between big achievements (worthy of congratulations) and the ongoing, smaller successes that merit compliments.

Stories from the Hosts

Jason’s Mantra and Journey (17:20–20:45)
- Jason shares his early-career mantra, “I’m not fucking around,” used to motivate himself amid endless grind and rejection.
- He admits that, back then, few compliments resonated because he compared praise to unreachable standards (“What excellent should look like”).
Compliments Feeling Detached
- Jason notes that compliments often feel directed at his “character” rather than the real him:
  - “I often feel like they’re complimenting somebody else, like they’re complimenting the character named Jason Feifer that I play in the world.” (19:30–20:00)
- Despite this, he acknowledges the importance of simply responding graciously.

Why It’s Important to Give and Receive Compliments

Stopping the Awkwardness (21:13–22:47)
- Nicole consciously tries to say “thank you” to stop the cycle of discomfort—both for herself and the compliment giver.
- She reflects on feeling undeserving, especially when teamwork is involved (“Maybe the hair lady should get the compliment, not me.”).
Morgan’s Perspective: Balance Matters (24:22–29:33)
- Morgan stresses the value of recognizing effort, not just extraordinary accomplishment.
- She shares a positive experience with “Secret Heroes,” a team meeting segment dedicated to unsung contributions.
- Quote: “If you only feel accomplished when you win a Webby, but not when you do a week of really hard work, it’s going to be a slog.” (24:22)
- Morgan frames compliments as equal in importance to constructive criticism: without recognition, feedback becomes demoralizing rather than motivating.
Leadership Responsibility (26:04–27:35)
- Jason acknowledges that leaders “rarely reach out to say, ‘great job,’” noting that a well-placed compliment carries the weight of “a pocket full of hundred-dollar bills”—too valuable not to share.

Cultivating a Culture of Recognition

Practical Encouragement
- The trio agrees workplaces benefit from more regular, sincere compliments, not just for morale but for motivation and mental health.
- Nicole commits to being more mindful about both giving and receiving praise.
- The show illustrates with real and somewhat clumsy attempts by Nicole to accept praise—eventually resulting in a grateful, if delayed, “thank you.” (31:03–31:43)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Nicole Lapin (on deflecting praise):
“I’m taking stock of all the stuff that still needs to be done.” (08:44)
Jason Feifer (on the meaning of accomplishment):
“Getting the opportunity was not the accomplishment. Doing it well is the accomplishment.” (12:33)
Morgan Lavoy (on everyday recognition):
“If you only feel accomplished when you win a Webby, but not when you do a week of really hard work, it’s going to be a slog.” (24:22)
Jason Feifer (on giving compliments):
“If you are in a position to compliment somebody else, it’s like you’re walking around with a pocket full of hundred dollar bills… Go hand them out now.” (27:07)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Compliment chain and Nicole’s struggles – 04:28–08:44
Why some people deflect compliments – 08:44–09:23
Praise vs. ‘mission accomplished’ and setting a high bar – 12:01–13:11, 15:34–17:10
Jason’s early-career mindset – 17:20–20:45
Graciously handling compliments – 21:13–22:47
Difference between team and individual praise – 22:47–24:17
Compliments as essential as constructive criticism – 24:22–29:33
Leadership, culture, and the “hundred-dollar bill” metaphor – 26:04–27:35
Nicole’s delayed acceptance – 31:03–31:43

Tone and Takeaways

The conversation is candid, humorous, and, at moments, vulnerable—showcasing not just the mechanics of compliments, but their emotional undertones and workplace implications. The hosts encourage listeners to rethink how (and why) they give or receive recognition, and challenge themselves—and their listeners—to be more generous and gracious with praise, for the sake of themselves and their teams.

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Transcript

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Nicole Lapin (2:59)

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Jason Pfeiffer (18:39)

And so I just kept telling myself, I'm not around. Like, I'm here for a larger thing. I'm going to do this. And it's just heads down. And so I definitely did not register when people would compliment me on anything because I was comparing whatever they were seeing against what excellent should look like. Oh, that was really well written. Okay. Except he wasn't in the New York Times, and the world isn't talking about it, so it's not that well written. Like, that's kind of how I kept feeling about it. But at some point, you know, I got to a level that I felt like I had been working towards, and there's always higher to go. I will not be satisfied if five years from now I look back at where I was right this second and don't think to myself, oh, wow, I've come so far, right? Like, I. I need to know that I'm on a upward path, but I'm happy where I got. And so now when people email me and they're like, that thing was really well written, I just have to tell you that I'm very happy about it. It doesn't feel that personal like I often feel when people compliment me. This isn't always true with friends to my face, but certainly compliments that I get from readers or professional acquaintances or something, I often feel like they're complimenting somebody else, like they're complimenting the character named Jason Pfeiffer that I play in the world. They're not complimenting me. And so there feels like a level of detachment to it. But it's also nice. It's nice to hear I say thank you and I'm totally fine with that. I don't feel uncomfortable. I'm not like, deflecting. I mean, they just feel so obnoxious to. To read to you. I'm going to read a compliment from a woman named Whitney who sent me a DM on LinkedIn. But here's what she wrote at 11:15am this morning. She wrote, I have to say, though, I know you know this, you are an amazing writer. I typically glaze over when reading newsletters, emails, etc, but your personality shines through to create a very engaging interface. I am inspired. Thanks again. Okay.