How to Ask for Help

Summary

Podcast Summary: Help Wanted – "How to Ask for Help"

Episode Information:

• Title: How to Ask for Help
• Host: Jason Feifer (Editor-in-Chief, Entrepreneur Magazine)
• Co-Host: Nicole Lapin (Money Expert)
• Release Date: April 8, 2025

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In this heartfelt episode of Help Wanted, hosts Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin delve into the challenging yet essential topic of asking for help, especially during personal crises. The conversation is deeply personal as Nicole shares her recent traumatic experience of losing her home to a fire, juxtaposed with the joy of welcoming a new baby into her life.

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2. Personal Struggles and Resilience

Nicole Lapin begins by opening up about the emotional rollercoaster she has been experiencing:

• [00:00] "So I just went to the grocery store and I actually flinched at the cost of eggs... Everything feels more expensive."
• [03:15] "I'm back." (Announcing her return to the show after recovering from the fire)

Jason Feifer empathizes with Nicole's situation, highlighting the unpredictability of life and the importance of resilience:

• [04:40] "You just have to wake up the next morning. You gotta keep living, keep going."

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3. The Challenge of Asking for Help

Nicole discusses the profound difficulty she faced in reaching out for assistance amidst the chaos of rebuilding her life:

• [05:30] "Figuring out how to ask for help was really hard and tasking people."
• [05:49] "My instinct normally is like, no, I’m good. I got it. I don’t need it."

She recounts how overwhelming it was to manage the influx of offers to help and her struggle to direct this support effectively:

• [06:23] "I tried to task people because they did want to help."
• [07:31] "What you need is what’s the most helpful, logistical things was just the most helpful to try to lessen this load."

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4. The Reciprocity of Support

Jason Feifer shares his own revelation about the social contract of reciprocity, emphasizing that asking for help should be a two-way street:

• [09:00] "There’s this interesting social contract that we have... you help me, I help you."
• [10:06] "That instinct that I have to not ask for help was actually manifesting as creating the burden that I was actually hoping to avoid."

Nicole Lapin adds to this by referencing the science of relationships, outlining the pillars that sustain lasting connections:

• [10:23] "The three things that make lasting relationships... shared values, history, and equality."

This segment underscores the importance of mutual support and clear communication in maintaining healthy relationships.

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5. Effective Ways to Ask for Help

The hosts discuss practical strategies for asking for help in specific and actionable ways:

• [24:54] Jason Feifer: "The lesson here is not just ask for help, but ask for help in a really specific way."

Nicole emphasizes the necessity of being clear about one's needs to prevent overwhelming others:

• [20:57] "I really tried to get better at being clear with what I needed. Like, super clear."

This approach ensures that those willing to help can do so effectively without feeling burdened by vague requests.

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6. Navigating Responses and Maintaining Relationships

Both hosts reflect on their experiences with people responding to their crises:

• [28:28] Nicole Lapin: "I was just blown away by how many people have just shown up... from acquaintances to frenemies."

Jason advises against feeling obligated to send thank-you notes for emergency help, highlighting that the act of helping was itself a gesture of support:

• [28:56] "If you send me a thank you note, I would think that is another damn burden."

This perspective reinforces that genuine help does not require formal acknowledgments, easing the emotional load on those seeking assistance.

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7. Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

The conversation concludes with reflections on the importance of defining clear communication when seeking help and acknowledging that true support systems are built on mutual respect and understanding:

• [26:48] Nicole Lapin: "Reaching out on social media and asking how to help was... necessary."
• [29:13] Jason Feifer: "Your way to help was in some way the thank you that people needed."

Both hosts agree that while asking for help is daunting, doing so thoughtfully can lead to meaningful support and strengthened relationships.

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8. Conclusion

In "How to Ask for Help," Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin offer an authentic exploration of vulnerability, the power of community, and the strategies for effectively seeking assistance during difficult times. Their candid dialogue provides valuable insights for listeners on navigating personal crises and fostering supportive relationships.

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Notable Quotes:

• Nicole Lapin [05:50]: "Figuring out how to ask for help was really hard and tasking people."
• Jason Feifer [10:06]: "The instinct that I have to not ask for help was actually manifesting as creating the burden that I was actually hoping to avoid."
• Nicole Lapin [20:57]: "I really tried to get better at being clear with what I needed. Like, super clear."
• Jason Feifer [24:54]: "The lesson here is not just ask for help, but ask for help in a really specific way."
• Jason Feifer [28:56]: "If you send me a thank you note, I would think that is another damn burden."

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Key Takeaways:

• Vulnerability is Strength: Opening up about struggles can lead to genuine support.
• Specificity Matters: Clear and specific requests enable others to help effectively.
• Reciprocal Relationships: Healthy support systems are built on mutual aid and respect.
• Avoid Burdening Others with Formalities: Genuine help doesn't require obligatory thank-yous, reducing emotional strain on both parties.
• Embrace Community Support: Allowing others to assist can alleviate personal burdens and strengthen relational bonds.

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For more insights and practical advice on making work work for you, tune into future episodes of Help Wanted by Money News Network.

Transcript

[Jason Pfeiffer]

So I just went to the grocery store and I actually flinched at the cost of eggs and I don't even really eat eggs. That's how bad it is. Everything feels more expensive and the last thing I want for any of you.

[Nicole Lapin]

Is to go into credit card debt.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

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[Nicole Lapin]

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[Jason Pfeiffer]

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[Nicole Lapin]

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[Jason Pfeiffer]

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This is help Wanted, the show that makes your work work for you. I'm Jason PFEIFFER editor in chief of Entreprene magazine.

[Nicole Lapin]

And I'm money expert Nicole Lapin.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the.

[Nicole Lapin]

Helpline and help callers solve their work problems.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

And on Thursdays, I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.

[Nicole Lapin]

And it starts now.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Nicole, you're back. Let's talk about some shit.

[Nicole Lapin]

Could you just start the episode like that?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

I guess we should. Why don't we start it like that? All right, well, then I will explain what's going on. What's going on is that Nicole, after a long absence, some of it planned, some of it severely not planned. You are back.

[Nicole Lapin]

I'm back.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

It's great to have you back.

[Nicole Lapin]

Back, baby. Thank you.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

It's. It's great. It's just. It's great to see you. For. For those who don't know, you had a baby. That was great.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yes. Having a baby is great. Humans are great.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Dreams are great. Right. In contrast to the other thing that happened, which was that you lost your house in the fire. That was not great.

[Nicole Lapin]

Not great. It was like birth, death, the cycle of life. It was like, all homes go to heaven. And it was such a character and such an important everything in my life. So, yeah, a lot of highs and a lot of lows.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah. Well, I am not gonna ask you to, like, rip your heart open and just share all that right now. Although we did. We did play, and if some. If anyone missed it, it ran, I don't know, a couple weeks ago, we played. The first time you returned on your daily show, Money Rehab, where you. You shared some of that experience in a very raw and emotional way. It was very powerful. I was just. I was impressed that you got words out at all talking about this, like, I just don't know. I often actually think when I'm just, like, at home right now just thinking, like, what would I be? What would I do if all of this went away? Like, I don't even know where to begin. I mean, you didn't either, but now you're living it. So the answer is you just. You just have to. You just wake up the next morning. You gotta keep living, keep going.

[Nicole Lapin]

I mean, there are a lot of days that I did not want to do that for sure. It was just. I mean, it still is. Like, it's been three months, and so much of it feels like we haven't even accomplished or scratched the surface of what needs to get done in rebuilding and putting back our lives. And just a legit logistical Shitstorm, like, logistical hell. And what's one thing I took away from the experience so far? And of course, I'm gonna need more time and perspective to pull out those life lessons or, like, why did this happen? There has to be some reason. Like, I'm looking for that because I haven't found it yet. But figuring out how to ask for help. Very appropriate help wanted.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

Was really hard and tasking people. I just remember the amount of people who reached out. I'm. I'm so grateful and so fortunate and people asked to help. And my instinct normally is like, no, no, I'm good. I got it. Like, I don't. I don't need. I don't need.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

And I tried in the first fog of so much chaos to take people up on those offers. And, you know, I. I like to be on the other side of this equation. Like, I like to be of help and of service. And so oftentimes you'll say, how can I be helpful? You said that. And, you know, rarely people write back and say, okay, here's what you can do. Like, here's exactly what I need. Yeah, But I tried to do that.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

I tried to task people because they.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Did want to help.

[Nicole Lapin]

There was. And especially people in la, there was, like, this weird survivor's guilt thing happening, and it was really interesting, like, a few not so close friends or acquaintances who stepped up and became MVP of this whole recovery thing. One of your friends, actually.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah. Jess.

[Nicole Lapin]

Jess who was on Jess Chermack.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Jess Tremek.

[Nicole Lapin]

Shout Out.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Wow. She stepped up. Was like, running point for you on all sorts of crazy projects.

[Nicole Lapin]

So many crazy projects. It was. It was incredible. I was just, like, blown away by her. And then another acquaintance who was in L. A but wasn't affected by the fires, and I was just like, I don't think I can ask for another thing. Like, you guys have done so, so much. Thank you. Thank you. And she's like, don't deny me the opportunity to help. I really want to help. And when she said it that way, I was like, okay, like, maybe if I reframe this, and it really is bringing her joy. I'd like to bring people joy. That's cool.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

You know, that. That reminds me of a small revelation that I experienced. Obviously, a very different situation with very different needs. But when my book came out a couple years ago, I did this thing that I find deeply uncomfortable, which you just talked about for yourself, which is asking for help. I hate asking for help. I love helping. But I committed to myself. I said to launch a book is to ask everyone for a favor. This will be the time that I do it, even though it will make me very uncomfortable. And so I reached out to everybody, yourself included, and was just like, can you help me? Sometimes I had a specific ask, and sometimes I was just like, can you do something? And I. I heard from a. A bunch of people this very interesting thing. They all said some version of the same thing, which was, you have helped me in other times, and you. And I am very glad and relieved to finally be able to return the favor. Like, you had given no previous opportunity for me to return the favor. And, and, and I realized that there's this interesting social contract that we. That we have, which is that part of the way in which we are bound together, binded together as people, as, As a community, even a loose definition of a community, is some kind of reciprocity of, you help me, I help you. And then there's this exchange that goes back and forth, right? And then you help me, and then I help you. And then because I help you, you help me. And then because you help me, I help you. And we go back and forth. And if that isn't allowed to go back and forth, then actually the help starts to feel like a burden, right? Like, if, Nicole, if you just kept helping me and I could never do anything for you, then at some point I would just. I'd feel very guilty and I'd feel kind of awkward around you, you know, I wouldn't know what to do. I need to be able to give back, because that's how this works. Like, it's supposed to be back and forth. And yet when we're the ones who are, like, in a position to ask for help and we're uncomfortable doing that, we're doing it because we are uncomfortable and we don't want to burden people and we think that we're a burden. But it was very interesting to me and eye opening to me to hear people tell me that that instinct that I have to not ask for help was actually manifesting as creating the burden that I was actually hoping to avoid. And I guess you are hearing a version of that from people who said, can you please let me do this?

[Nicole Lapin]

Yes. And what you brought up was something that I remember from, like, the Science of Relationships that I looked at for one of my books, where you have to have. We might have talked about this on the show already, but I'm in full postpartum mom brain, too.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Don't worry. I forgot everything we talked about on the show. I have no idea.

[Nicole Lapin]

Perfect. So do the three things that make or lasting relationships. You have to have two of the three. One is shared values, two is history and three is equality. So as an example, you know, I grew up with you, that's history. Right. You know, I, I love playing pickleball with you. That's like shared values. And I don't need to be like reciprocal. Then we're good because we have this history.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Just, just to be clear, this is not biographical. You and I have never played pickleball and probably will never play pickleball.

[Nicole Lapin]

No. So yeah, in theory you like have people that you grew up with that you stay friends with even though they kind of suck or you don't really have much in common with them, but you grew up with them. You know, other people who don't have history with or aren't your family members and things like that, you know, have to have shared values and equality. So it's not like a transactional, I do this thing for you, you do this thing for me. It's like just are you there for me or is this a one sided relationship? And so that manifests in a lot of different ways, whether it's help or you know, emotional support or whatever it is. And so we've all been in relationships that feel lopsided. And so anyway, that's the science of relationships.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah. That also reminds me of this wacky as you know, I love wacky research and I once spent a while researching the history of birthday parties and it's so fascinating. So birthday parties are a relatively new thing. I don't remember exactly, but I think it was kind of like early to mid-1800s is when they started to become common and, and before that they were deeply disapproved of. And one of the main arguments against birthday parties from, you know, sort of culture makers of the day was that birthday parties would create a kind of selfishness in children that you don't want children to feel like they are so important that people can will gather just because they had a birthday and give them presents. And there would be a kind of fraying of the social fabric if we teach everyone to be these like self obsessed, egotistical people. But then birthday parties started to happen and in fact the opposite of what was feared took place, which is that the birthday party became this social reciprocity vehicle where because you invited me to your birthday party, I've got to invite you to my birthday party. And I see this happen with my little kids, like they're constantly Being invited to these birthday parties, which means that they've got to invite those same kids to their birthday parties. And it becomes this nice little weave that keeps getting tightened because there's a reason to keep going around and celebrate each other and then to include each other in our own celebrations. And so birthday parties strengthened communities rather than frayed them, which is a version of the thing that you're talking about. So.

[Nicole Lapin]

And I also had a birthday in the middle of all.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, and you also had a birthday. That's right. That's right. I texted you and I was like, I hope that you can find some moment of joy in your birthday. Did you?

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah. I mean, it was, you know, it was really sweet to have my daughter, you know, participate in a little way. My husband got her a little onesie that said, like, happy birthday, Mommy. So I woke up and that was. That was cool. Yeah, it was sweet. Yeah, it was. It was really. You know, it's just been a complete, surreal month. And I still don't have, you know, a passport. I didn't. I still don't have a place to live. We're still trying to find a place. I still don't have a car. You know, the amount of, like, bureaucracy. I think I texted you about this last night because you were so kind to help me with one of the crazy bureaucracies that I had.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

Which was the dmv.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

The dmv. Which is the worst. The worst place in the world. Yeah. I mean, to be clear. Let's not. Let's not. Let's not overhype my heroism. I did not actually go to the DMV for you, but I did get in touch with the head of corporate. Yeah. The big, big whoever is at the dmv. And they responded, which was very good, but not nicely. Yeah. Which is. Which is more than you usually get from the dmv. Let me. Let me ask you, though. I. So this is. I was genuinely curious about this, and we have not actually talked about it, which was. So when I've heard this from people who have, like, experienced a death, which is that a lot of people do not know how to treat them after that. After that moment. Right. So I was. I remember I was talking to, like, a friend of my parents, lost his wife, and he was. He was telling me that one of the most challenging things about the experience was that a lot of his friends kind of disappeared. And he doesn't think that's because they don't like him. It's because they don't know what to do because tragedy makes us uncomfortable and we don't know what to say and we don't know what to offer. And so, you know, we end up doing this shameful thing, which is that we just sort of do nothing. And, and I was wondering what your experience of that was like, because certainly I like, when that happened to you, I remember standing here just thinking, like, what am I supposed to. What am I supposed to do? This isn't about me, but, like, what am I supposed to do? Right? Like, how do I help? But also, what is. What should I say? Can. Is there anything to say? Could you possibly have words for this? What should I do? I mean, like, I really, like, I spent time debating, like, I even. I was like, one of the things that you did to ask for help, which I'm very glad you did, is you put together this very long Amazon list, which just had, like, all the basics of child rearing and shit. I remember going to Jen and I was like, what is the right dollar amount for this? I don't know the answer. So I, I, what, What did you welcome it? I'm not even not asking for anything, but, like, I, I'm curious, from your perspective, what did you experience as the person for whom there was a tragic event? Did you see this play out? Did you see some people, like, just kind of not know what to do? And then did you know how to react to that?

[Nicole Lapin]

Well, I think early on I put together sort of an Amazon thing because it was an easy way to send people something that they could do and, like, they really wanted to do something. And so responding to everybody felt like, like I was managing a whole other thing. And we just had so much to manage. I had people come out of the woodwork, like, really, really interesting people. We can bleed this out.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Stick around. Help wanted. We'll be right back, listeners.

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[Jason Pfeiffer]

Welcome back to Help wanted. Let's get to it.

[Nicole Lapin]

I had people come out of the woodwork, like really, really interesting people. We can bleed this out. Like, I had what's his face from.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's nice.

[Nicole Lapin]

I thought he hated me. Reached out also.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, wow, that's also really nice.

[Nicole Lapin]

Hated me. Yeah.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

I mean, if we're, if we're bleeping these names and then we'll just say, like, these are, these are sort of people from the past that you and I have engaged with and some kind of like, business things that seem, seem to be in the distant past. Like, I haven't thought about them in.

[Nicole Lapin]

A while, like, you know, a quasi contentious business.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

So didn't think I would be top of mind for them to reach out to. And so that was, that was really interesting. You know, I. Like, what did you say? Should we just read what your initial message was?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, sure. I'm sure it was not very good. I mean, I'm sure it was good.

[Nicole Lapin]

It's not about good. So, yeah, I had a few friends who, you know, I don't even know how to say this because it's going to come off as like, super ungrateful. But I really tried to get better at being clear with what I needed. Like, super clear. You know, if somebody was like, can I bring over, you know, something? I was like, how about this in size, you know, this or, you know, whatever. And like, not other things, because I was overwhelmed by. Which is, again, from such a good place. I was just overwhelmed by donations of like, people's used baby stuff. And a lot of, A lot of it wasn't, you know, it was. It was. A lot of it was gross. And a lot of it was just like, I didn't know. And then, you know, needing to either throw it out or donate it or something, like, it became a burden. And I, I don't even know how to say this without coming across as.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

No, no, no. I mean, look, let me, let me free you of that concern. I. What. I mean, first of all, what you're describing is what happens in after every, like, tragedy of. Of a large scale, right? Like, there's always these stories that, you know, a hurricane, like, rips through Puerto Rico, and then instead of getting the things that Puerto Rico needs, they just get, like, a bunch of random crap that people donated that, like, don't actually help this. It's like, thank you. Like, it was all coming from a good place, but, like, it's not actually the thing we need right now. And that happens over and over again. So, no, like, you're dealing with. You're dealing with, like, this monumental, terrible thing, and people are giving you nice. Like, it's a nice gesture, but that doesn't mean that it's useful. And it's okay. It's okay to. This is real life, you know, so. So you're grateful. You're grateful for the. You're grateful for the gesture, but you don't actually need the thing.

[Nicole Lapin]

Totally. I was also, you know, two weeks postpartum. It was not a lot.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

A lot happening.

[Nicole Lapin]

Like, I wasn't fitting into my tiny friend's jeans. And that made me, like, upset. And this is the whole thing. And so I feel like, you know, that was like, an unexpected thing for me to try to say, no, thank you for this thing that comes from a really, really nice place. And then I tried to just be like, you know, it would be more helpful logistical things was just the most helpful. So what you helped me do with the DMV with this crazy UPS store that Jessica was involved with, like, oh, my God. And, you know, calling and SBA and FEMA and holy, like, all the Alphabet soup of stuff or, you know, getting new credit cards every day. It was something that I remembered that I didn't have. And so that was just the most helpful to try to, like, lessen this.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

This load.

[Nicole Lapin]

You wrote on J. I didn't know.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

If we were going to get to this.

[Nicole Lapin]

I have to scroll back. We have so many. Yeah, so many. And so you wrote at 143, which is I love you. That's so cute. Just realized you guys are probably really close to the fires. How are you doing?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, crap.

[Nicole Lapin]

You didn't know. A few hours later, I wrote. I know. Like, these couple days, I tried to even get back to, you know, people. I had no. I. You know, like, I'm not writing complete sentences, so I just wrote Lost House.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. I got. I was. Yeah, you said that. I was Ben, my nine year Old was. Was in the shower and I was just. You know, when he's in the shower, I'm basically just like, standing by in case something goes wrong. And I got that text and I thought, holy fuck. And then I didn't. I just. You just jumped in the shower, turn it to cold. Like, I just didn't know. I just truly, at that moment, I was just like, I do not. Like, I don't know. Like, I want the same thing we got into immediately. Like, I started to think, like, how do I help? I don't know how to help. I don't want to bother you. I don't know. Like, I didn't know what to do. And my instinct was, I can't remember what I said, but you'll tell me because you've got it. My instinct was to, like, say something. There are no good words. I can't lie. I'm not going to give you a lecture on resilience or some bullshit. But then also, primarily, this is my instinct. I don't know if it was the right one. I primarily was like, now I want to show you that I care and also leave you alone because you've got so much else to do. But I also want to be helpful. So I was like, now I talk to Morgan. Like, I was just like, I. I'm gonna leave Nicole alone and just go talk to Morgan and figure out how to help you. But, like, that'll be. That. That. That was. That was my instinct. I didn't. I just didn't know.

[Nicole Lapin]

Thank you. Yes. You.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

You wrote.

[Nicole Lapin]

Holy shit.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah. There you go.

[Nicole Lapin]

What's your reaction right now?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

It's appropriate. Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah. You said, I'm not sure. No, he said, I'm sure you have a lot to do right now. Same thing. Yeah. So I'm sure you have a lot to do right now. So no need to answer anything, of course. Just hope you guys are all safe. And if there's anything you need and that Jen and I can do for you, don't hesitate to let us know.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, okay. So I basically just narrated what I was thinking.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah, that was.

[Nicole Lapin]

That was really nice. Yeah. And then I think I. I finally was like, hey, you know, do you have contacts at here or there or whatever? And you're like, on it. I'm on it. And so thank you.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, look, just to bring it back full circle there, I guess with that, like, that was. It's a strange thing, I suppose, to have something terrible happen to you and then to have the, if you wanted to think about it like this, the like responsibility and now obligation to tell people what to do, right? I mean it was like, it was like, I want to help, but I don't know how to help. So the only way that I'm going to know is like, Nicole, if you spend a minute like telling me what to do, which is like a thing that you have to do, right? And that's annoying. But I guess there, I don't know what the other answer, the other solution would be. I'm really glad that you made that early decision to direct people and I was really grateful to have a hyper specific thing to do. I was like, like whatever, right? I mean I remember you were even, you even couched it. I remember you were like, there's things for me to do. But like, you don't have time for that. And I think I remember replying, you don't have time for your house to burn down. So like, tell me the things that you need. So I like, I think appropriately on a show called Help Wanted, it's the lesson here is not just ask for help, but like ask for help in a like really specific way, right? It's like, what do you need? Because if not, what will happen is either people will not know what to do or they'll just try to help however they can, which might not be helpful, might be the opposite of helpful. And so the level of specificity that you gave was, was really useful. And, and I hope that at scale, as you did that with other people, like at least started getting you the earliest things that you needed.

[Nicole Lapin]

It was weird. I still have a lot of people that I need to, you know, follow up with and think and the rest of it, like we leave this out too. But reached out on oh, that's nice. Social media and was like, how to help? And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna like take him up on that. And because we did an episode about this whole thought process for creating a brand new studio that was in walking distance in my sweet little town, so glorious. And that how I would, you know, set my life up postpartum. And you know, that was in the town too. And so I, I messaged and I was like, hey, can I use your studio? And so I was just like, hey, you know, wanted to take you up on it, like, because actually I wanted to do his show for the launch, which I guess I didn't do because I asked him for his studio. But I was like, you know what? I don't know if this is an empty promise or not. But there were a few people where I had taken them up on their offer and didn't hear back, or I was like, but you said I could help. And so there were some that were, like, kind of stung a little bit. You know, that wasn't necessarily one of them. We couldn't use the studio because whatever, he uses it for an office or something. And so, you know. But there were a few people where I was like, hey, here's. Here's what you could do. And they didn't do it. So that was the only thing that kind of. That bummed me out.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah. You know, usually I want to find some, like, nice positive spin on things, but, like, well, I guess that just kind of. That just kind of sucks, but. Oh, here's the positive spin. Positive spin is that a lot of people did help.

[Nicole Lapin]

I'm so blown away by how many people have just shown up from you and Morgan and our, you know, little team that could. To, you know, acquaintances. And I thought frenemies and, you know, everybody in between. I. I did. I did think that I might need to send thank you cards, but I don't think so.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

No, no, no. This is. This is thank you.

[Nicole Lapin]

You don't. You don't send thank you cards for, like, emergency.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

No, you do not. You do not. And this is thank you for introducing that, because this. This then is now a nice place to the end of this episode, which is, boy, do I want to lift that burden from you. No, nobody needs it. Nobody expects it.

[Nicole Lapin]

Frankie, are you sure? Can I just send them this episode? Like, thank you so much.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

That's a nice idea. Send them this episode. That's enough. I would feel bad if you wrote me a thank you card, because here's the thing. Like, this was not. You had a wedding, and I gave you a gift, and this was like, some terrible shit happened. And the thing that we're supposed to do is rally and help that I. The thing that I wanted to happen as a result of me helping out was just that your life was a little bit easier. That's it. Right? I don't need a thank you for that. That's not what this is. And there will be time, I think, for you to talk to everybody, like, in due time, and foster those relationships in, like, real ways. But, like, if you sent me a thank you note, I would think about all the thank you notes that you were writing and all the time that you had to spend on that, and I would say that is a. Another damn burden and like, I. So I want to. Do not send me a thank you note, Nicole. Don't send anybody a thank you note. A text if you want, whatever. Easy. I think people are just happy to help. I think that you giving them the. The. The. The way to help was in some way the thank you that people needed. That's my gut.

[Nicole Lapin]

And sadly, the. The wedding gift that you did give me.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

Also burned. You gave us a really nice gift certificate to dinner.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

Like, oh, we have to save this. Here's my lesson. We have to save this for, like a special night or something like that. Use the gift certificate.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

Drink all the dom that you have because all that chip burned. Like, use your good stuff. That's. That's all. Like, I had so many dresses and gowns and stuff that I was like, oh, gotta, like, save this for a great occasion or, you know, just use it.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Just use it.

[Nicole Lapin]

Use it now.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.

[Nicole Lapin]

Pfeiffer, and me, Nicole Lapin. Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Do you want some help? Email our [e-mail] for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show. And follow us on Instagramoneynews and TikTokoneyNewsNetwork for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, I didn't sign up for that.

[Nicole Lapin]

All right, well, talk to you soon.