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Today I want to tell you the greatest lesson I've ever learned about kindness. But let me start with a moment that I deeply regret. I spoke at a conference a few years ago and afterwards a man came up and said hello. He was carrying a copy of my book which he had just bought and he handed me a copy of his which was a self published thriller. I'll read your book if you read mine, he said super pleasantly. If I have the time. I replied. I regretted it immediately. Why did I say that? My words were pompous and cruel and self important. It still pains me to think that somewhere that guy thinks I'm an ass. And you know what? With good reason. Because I was an ass. I have spent a lot of time wondering why did I say that? And it's not just me of course we all surprise ourselves with selfishness or the wrong words. I am sure that out of your mouth have popped things. You were shocked you said. Today I'm going to share a mental trick that I now use to steady myself and ensure that I am always the person I want to be, no matter the interaction. It is a critical tool for anyone who wants to be viewed as steady, reliable, and always gracious. And it all starts with lessons learned from two of my favorite entertainers. This is the trickle down effect of kindness. All right, we're going to get back to the question of graciousness and kindness in a moment, but first I need to tell you about Kevin Smith. If you were a teenager in the 90s, you probably know that name. He is the filmmaker who created Clerks, Mall Rats, Chasing Amy, and more. He was Silent Bob in all those movies, as well as the writer and director. Anyway, when Kevin was five years old, he and his dad were walking along a pier and passed Peter Marshall, who was then the very famous host of Hollywood Squares. Kevin's dad called out, hey, Peter. And Peter Marshall smiled and said hello. And that was it. And to Kevin, that was magic. Peter could have ignored them, but he didn't. And Kevin thought to himself, if I'm ever famous like Peter, I will be just as gracious. Then Kevin grew up to become famous, and he kept his word. I heard Kevin tell that story on a podcast recently, and it jolted a memory for me because I had a moment exactly like it. And it taught me the same lesson. Except my moment wasn't with Peter Marshall. It was with Kevin Smith. When I was in college, I was obsessed with Kevin Smith, and I was desperate to meet him. So I went big. I took over the student speakers bureau at Clark University where I went to school. And then I spent the entire year's budget bringing Kevin Smith to campus. The day arrived when Kevin was coming. I was so nervous. Then he showed up. He was super nice. He took photos with students and just kind of hung out. Then he stood on stage answering questions for five hours. Afterward, he and I walked back to his car together, just me and this guy that I had idolized. And as he left, I remember thinking, if anyone cares about what I have to say, for the rest of my life, I will be as gracious as Kevin Smith, just as Kevin thought about Peter Marshall. And then I developed the career that I have. And I have been able to mostly live up to that promise, except for the times I slipped up, like with that guy at the conference with the book, which I wanted to fix, which brings me to the next entertainer, the Rock. Years later, I interviewed Dwayne the Rock Johnson and his business partner, Danny Garcia. We talked about connecting with audiences, and I told them the story I just told you about the man handing me his book and the mean thing that I said in response. And they had a Story just like it. It was 1998, and Dwayne was struggling to transition from wrestler to actor. He and Danny were at dinner talking about this, and some fans approached him. Excuse me, but can we have your autograph? They asked nervously. And Dwayne was not in the mood again, he was struggling at that time. He was upset. He wasn't feeling good. He looked at them coldly. He said, sure with a huff, like, oh, sure. The fans grew regretful. They started apologizing, but Dwayne signed the thing and handed it over and they shuffled away. Then Dwayne and Danny recognized the horror of the moment and they did something really brilliant. They imagined that whole situation, moment by moment, from the fan's point of view. They imagined those people having a date night away from their kids, a special dinner, and then they look up and see the Rock, which makes the dinner extra special. And they start up debating, like, can we approach him? Should we approach him? They decide this is a once in a lifetime chance. So they get up and they nervously do it, only to be disappointed. Dwayne told me this. He said I had an opportunity to make them feel so good. And instead they walked away apologetic and feeling awful. When the reality is I'm a lucky son of a bitch that someone would care enough to come up and ask for my autograph. That moment changed him forever. Forevermore. Duane said when he interacts with anyone, he now imagines that moment from their perspective. And this is the solution to our kindness problem. Why are we not gracious? Why do we say the wrong thing? It is because in that moment we're focused on ourselves, and therefore it's hard to focus on others. But the outside world demands consistency from us. We can't be gracious one day and selfish the next. That is bad for relationships and bad for business. So we need a way to steady ourselves, to be reliably gracious and kind and always the best version of ourselves. Duane found the way to do that. View our interactions from someone else's point of view. What do they need from us? What would make their day? What small gesture can be meaningful and perhaps even create a lifelong memory? When that man handed me his book all those years ago, and all I thought was, I'm busy and stressed. I'll never have time to read this. Well, I didn't need to say that. He didn't need to know that he was just asking for kindness and validation and recognition, and I should have been able to deliver all three. I aspire to never make that mistake again. Well, you know What? Recently, I got to tell all this to a very important person. I got to tell it all to Kevin Smith. I invited him onto my podcast and then told him about, well, this other podcast that I host called Problem Solvers for Entrepreneur, not Help Wanted. So you go check it out there. Problem Solvers. Anyway, I invited him onto the podcast and then told him how he impacted me and the lesson of graciousness that I learned from it. He was really touched, and to my surprise, he told me a version of what the Rock told me, too. When Kevin first became famous, he said it was like being on the other side of the transaction. He used to be the fan, eager for a moment with the celebrity. Now he was the celebrity receiving the eagerness of the fan. And that felt like an important responsibility. You want to provide the dream for people, he said. And he realized that with just a few simple words, he could. I believe we all have this power. You don't need to be famous like Kevin or Dwayne. After all, many people look to you for something. You, whoever you are. Maybe it's a customer, a colleague, a friend, anyone who needs a moment of your time. People look to you so want to deliver what they need and then some. Do you want to be remembered forever? Like Kevin remembered Peter? Like I will always remember Kevin. It is very simple. Get out of your head and get in to someone else's. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason
