How to Instantly Build Trust in Any Conversation

Summary

Podcast Summary: Help Wanted – "How to Instantly Build Trust in Any Conversation"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Help Wanted
• Host/Author: Money News Network
• Episode Title: How to Instantly Build Trust in Any Conversation
• Release Date: October 31, 2024
• Hosts: Jason Feifer (Entrepreneur Magazine Editor-in-Chief) and Nicole Lapin (Money Expert)

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Introduction to Building Trust

In the October 31, 2024 episode of Help Wanted, hosts Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin delve into effective strategies for establishing trust in both personal and professional conversations. The episode focuses on actionable techniques that listeners can implement immediately to enhance their interpersonal interactions and foster stronger relationships.

The Four Goals in Conversations

Nicole Lapin outlines four primary goals to achieve when engaging in any conversation:

1. Earn Their Trust
2. Show That You're Listening
3. Demonstrate Understanding
4. Remember What They Said

"When you talk with someone, you should have four goals... Remember what they said." [01:28]

Introducing the "Their Thoughts Plus One" Formula

Lapin introduces a transformative formula designed to deepen conversations and build trust:

Formula: Their Thoughts Plus One

This simple yet powerful strategy involves two key components:

1. Repeating or Reflecting Their Thoughts: Ensuring the other person feels heard and understood by restating their ideas.
2. Adding an Insightful Element: Enhancing the interaction by contributing a fresh perspective or question.

"It's really simple. Their thoughts plus one." [03:10]

Part 1: Repeating Their Thoughts

Lapin emphasizes the importance of actively listening and confirming understanding by repeating what the other person has said. She draws an analogy to restaurant servers who repeat orders to confirm accuracy and build trust.

"When somebody tells you something complex or interesting, why not give them that? You can reply with a version of... you restate their ideas or insights back to them." [04:00]

Notable Example: In consulting sessions, Lapin utilizes this technique to ensure she fully comprehends her clients' needs, thereby enhancing trust and the effectiveness of her advice.

"And they love this, because once they see that I understand their business so well... they are more likely to trust whatever I say next." [05:15]

Part 2: Adding Your Own Insights

Building upon the foundation of repetition, Lapin introduces the "Plus One" aspect—adding a unique insight or connection that enriches the conversation.

"What do I mean by plus one? I mean this. You repeat their thoughts and then you add a fresh insight." [06:20]

Approaches to Adding Insights:

1. Narrative Flourish: Enhancing their story with a compelling narrative.
2. Interesting Comparison: Drawing parallels to provide a new perspective.

Notable Conversations:

• With a CEO:
  Lapin recounts a conversation with a CEO who transformed a small, distrusted company into a larger, trusted entity. By reframing the CEO's story, she helped her see her achievements in a new light.

  "So, in other words, what you really did is you took over a small company... that's what I said to her." [07:45]

• With John Taffer:
  Discussing John Taffer's approach on his show Bar Rescue, Lapin connects his methods to leadership principles she learned from John Mackey of Whole Foods.

  "I'll just play the whole exchange. You functionally asked yourself... what does this situation need me to be. And that turned out to work." [09:04]

Benefits of the Formula

Lapin underscores that this method not only builds trust but also deepens the connection by making conversations more meaningful and memorable.

"Because their thoughts matter, and so do yours. And that comes from my newsletter." [09:50]

Conclusion and Practical Application

The episode wraps up by encouraging listeners to adopt the "Their Thoughts Plus One" formula in their daily interactions. By ensuring others feel heard and adding thoughtful insights, individuals can instantly build trust and strengthen their relationships.

"The power of their thoughts plus one. Because their thoughts matter, and so do yours." [10:00]

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Key Takeaways:

• Active Listening: Essential for building trust.
• Repetition: Confirms understanding and makes others feel valued.
• Adding Insight: Enhances conversations and fosters deeper connections.
• Practical Application: Applicable in both personal and professional settings to improve communication and relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• "When you talk with someone, you should have four goals... Remember what they said." – Nicole Lapin [01:28]
• "It's really simple. Their thoughts plus one." – Nicole Lapin [03:10]
• "They are more likely to trust whatever I say next." – Nicole Lapin [05:15]
• "The power of their thoughts plus one. Because their thoughts matter, and so do yours." – Nicole Lapin [10:00]

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By implementing these strategies, listeners can transform their conversational skills, leading to more trusting and productive interactions in all areas of their lives.

Transcript

[A]

I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb, but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a Co Host network, which is a network of high quality local co hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it. But I'm matching with a co host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co [e-mail] host.

[B]

This is help Wanted, the show that makes your work work for you. I'm Jason Pfeiffer, editor in chief of.

[A]

Entrepreneur Magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin. On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the helpline and help callers solve their work problems.

[B]

And on Thursdays, I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.

[A]

And it starts now.

[B]

When you talk with someone, you should have four goals. Number one, earn their trust. Number two, show that you're listening. Number three, show that you understand them. And number four, remember what they said. Now, here's the fun part. You can advance all of that with one simple strategy. It's a formula that I learned as a reporter and now use throughout my life. It deepens personal conversations and advances professional ones. And here is the formula. It's really simple. Their thoughts plus one. Today I'm going to explain what that means and why it works. But first, let's talk about their thoughts. You know, I said the formula is their thoughts plus one. Let's take the first part of that. Their thoughts. Consider what happens at a restaurant. Trust me. Just stay with me here. Consider what happens at a restaurant. A server takes your order and then repeats it back to you. Right. You know, you're like, I'll have the lo mein, and I'll have the chicken with broccoli. And the waiter says, okay, we've got a lo mein. We've got a chicken and broccoli. Why? Why are they doing that? Two reasons. Number one, they're confirming the order. That's very clear. Number two, though, they are performing for your benefit, because when they get the order right, you trust them more. Now, apply this logic to regular conversations. When someone hears their ideas or thoughts repeated back to them, they feel heard and appreciated. They think, yeah, this person really gets it. So when somebody tells you something complex or interesting, why not give them that? You can reply with a version of, let's say. You could say, that's so interesting. Let me repeat it back to you to make sure I understand. Or you could say, wow, so what you're saying is. Or you could say, let me make sure that I get that. So in other words. And then whatever it is, you restate their ideas or insights back to them. I know that this sounds simple, but it is magical. People feel heard and validated. Even better, this also helps us engage with the things that they said, thereby making their ideas clearer and easier for us to remember. Because, you know, we've taken the things that they've told us, and we've kind of held it and turned it around and done something with it in our brains, which helps with retention. Here's an example. For example, people often book consulting time with me. I might have 30 minutes to understand someone's business and then share helpful insights. And I better deliver on that. They're paying good money. And when we start these calls, they will begin by telling me, just a lot of information. It's just like an info dump. And then I'll say, okay, let me repeat that back to you to make sure that I got it. And then that's what I do. But I do it in my own words, using my own reference points. And they love this, because once they see that I understand their business so well that I can put it in my own words, they are more likely to trust whatever I say next. But this is just the start. When you repeat people's thoughts, you build trust. But when you add your own insights on top of that, you build connection. That is why it's time for the second part of the formula. All of that was just about their thoughts. But remember, the formula is their thoughts plus one. So now we add the one. What do I mean by plus one? I mean this. You repeat their thoughts and then you add a fresh insight. Maybe it's a surprising observation or a delightful comparison. Maybe it's just a question that they'd never heard before. Take a little risk, Be a little bold. Typically, I like to do this in one of two ways. So here they are. Approach number one and two. Approach number one. In other words, what you really did is. That's. That's what I say. That's my transition into repeating back to them. In other words, what you really did is. In this approach, I restate what somebody did or accomplished, even if they might not have seen it that way. For example, a few months ago, I had lunch with the CEO of a famous brand. She told me her backstory, which, you know, I'm sure she's told many times before. Starting at the company when it was small, taking it over from a male founder, and facing immense employee distrust. Over time, she transformed the brand and hired hundreds of new people who saw her as the leader. Okay, I heard that, and I said, so. In other words, what you really did is you took over a small company where nobody trusted you as the leader, and instead of trying to fit in there, you just created a completely different, much larger company where everybody did trust you as the leader. That's what I said to her. And when I did, her eyes widened. Yes. She exclaimed. I've never thought about it like that, but yes, that's exactly what I did. She was so excited. And from there, her guard was down, and we became friends. Okay, now it's approach number one. Here's approach number two. And that is to say, that reminds me of a few weeks ago, for example, I interviewed my friend John Taffer. He is the host of a TV show called Bar Rescue, where he tries to save failing bars and restaurants. And he does this in kind of classic TV fashion, which is to say, he gets in there, he starts screaming at people until they make drastic change. He makes threats. He's throwing things. I mean, he is a wrecking ball. Recently, John told me the surprising history of all that screaming. I didn't realize it. So in real life, John is not a screamer at all. But then he started filming the show, and because each episode is filmed in only four days, he has a very limited amount of time to fix a failing bar, which means that he really needs to, like, get through to the owner, and he needs to push them to make changes that they have been resistant to making. So when he first started filming this show many years ago, he tried everything that he could think of to motivate them and nothing really worked until he tried screaming. Just screaming and being, you know, sort of violently angry about the situation. That worked. Even though, as John told me, and this is his words, he said it was horrifying and scary to do that. Just. It wasn't natural. It's not natural to yell at somebody, especially with cameras on. And when I heard this, I said to him, you know, that reminds me of there's my line. And then I told him about something I recently learned from John Mackey, the co founder and CEO of Whole Foods. Mackey attributed his success to this habit. Throughout his career, Mackey would always ask, what does the company need me to do now? And then John Mackey would do whatever that was, even if it was uncomfortable. That's what he told me. That was like the critical thing that he did as a leader. So I recounted that to John Taffer. And then I drew this connection between what I had heard and learned from John Mackey of Whole Foods to what I had just heard and learned from John Taffer of television. And here's what I said. I'll just play the whole exchange. You functionally asked yourself, this is an observation, but I ask you to kind of confirm or deny it, you know, but from what I'm hearing, it seemed like what you did was you asked yourself, what does this situation need me to be? And the answer to that is what you became. And that turned out to work. What do you think about that? I think that quite might be, in 13 years of interviews, one of the.

[A]

Most insightful questions and statements that's ever.

[B]

Been said to me. And nobody's ever said anything quite like that to me. And the fact that it came from you doesn't surprise me at all. And you know what doesn't surprise me at all? What doesn't surprise me is that the thing that I said would resonate with Jon in both of those cases, with Jon Taffer and with the CEO of the famous brand, who I did not name because I didn't talk to her about sharing this before. Anyway, in both of those cases, I did really nothing special. You know, I just repeated their own stories back to them. But I added a little something extra. For the CEO, it was a narrative flourish. For Jon Taffer, it was an interesting comparison. But in both cases, I helped them see their story in a new way, and they were grateful for that. That is the power of their thoughts plus one. Because their thoughts matter, and so do yours. And that comes from my newsletter. My newsletter is called One Thing Better each Week, One Way to be more successful and satisfied and build a career or company that you love. It is a companion to Help Wanted and you can just stay tuned here to Help Wanted where I read them or you can subscribe where you can get it in your inbox along with a bunch of other good stuff that I include. You can get that at 1ThingBetter email. That is a web address so plug it into a browser 1ThingBetter email and you got that. Okay, now repeat it back to me.

[A]

Jason, have you ever overdrafted?

[B]

Hasn't everybody?

[A]

I mean I certainly have. I famously overdrafted on a $7 latte and got hit with a $35 fee.

[B]

Oof. That's the worst.

[A]

The actual worst. But Jason, I do have a solution for this. It is Chime. A Chime checking account has fee free overdraft up to 200 bucks and a whole bunch of other game changing features that I love like Chime checking accounts have no maintenance fees and you can get paid up to two days early with direct deposit. You should check it out Jason. It'[e-mail] MNN Ooh. I am into it and you will love this. Chime is making it easier to support friends on their financial journey. And one of the ways that they're doing this is by allowing eligible members to give complimentary boosts to increase a friend's Spot Me limit. That means that you can help your friend's fee free overdraft limit. So if you need a hand Jason, I got you.

[B]

Oof. Friends helping friends make progress. I love that.

[A]

I do too. So why not make your fall finances a little greener? Open your Chime account in just 2 [e-mail] MNN that's chime.com MNN as in money News Network. Chime feels like Progress. Banking services and Debit card provided by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank. NA members, FDIC Spot meet eligibility requirements and Overdraft to Limits Apply. Booths are available to eligible Chime members enrolled in Spotme and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com disclosures for details. I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash. But I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back. I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a Co Host Network which is a network of high quality local co hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it, but I'm matching with a co host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co [e-mail] host.

[B]

Help wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.

[A]

Pfeiffer and me, Nicole Lapin. Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Do you want some help? Email our [e-mail] for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show and follow us on Instagram, MoneyNews and TikTok on MoneyNewsNetwork for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?

[B]

Oh, I didn't sign up for that.

[A]

All right, well talk to you soon. I love hosting on Airbnb. It's a great way to bring in some extra cash, but I totally get it that it might sound overwhelming to start or even too complicated if, say, you want to put your summer home in Maine on Airbnb but you live full time in San Francisco and you can't go to Maine every time you need to change sheets for your guests or something like that. If thoughts like these have been holding you back, I have great news for you. Airbnb has launched a Co Host Network, which is a network of high quality local co hosts with Airbnb experience that can take care of your home and your guests. Co hosts can do what you don't have time for, like managing your reservations, messaging your guests, giving support at the property, or even create your listing for you. I always want to line up a reservation for my house when I'm traveling for work, but sometimes I just don't get around to it because getting ready to travel always feels like a scramble so I don't end up making time to make my house look guest friendly. I guess that's the best way to put it, but I'm matching with a co host so I can still make that extra cash while also making it easy on myself. Find a co [e-mail] host.