B (3:15)
You're stuck in a high stakes situation and it is driving you crazy. Maybe you're waiting for someone to get back to you and you're convinced that this is your one shot at success or you're facing a big decision and you feel like your future hangs in the balance. Either way, inside of your head, you have turned this into a make or break moment. So here's what you need to know. We are often wrong about how important things really are. Today I will show you a way to escape this trap by building what I call a low stakes mindset. You'll make better choices with less anxiety and end up with better results. And to show you how it works, let's start with a recent situation from my home. Our older son is 10 years old and we really wanted him to go to sleepaway camp. My wife and I both had incredible experiences at sleepaway camp as kids and we want that for our kids. But our older son, just very hesitant and nervous. You know, he wasn't sure if this was going to be right for him and he said to us that he would go for a maximum of two, two weeks. Now, the camps that we found didn't offer two week sessions, but we found this one camp that seemed really great and was willing to make him a deal. He could go for a three week session but only have to go for two weeks. And then while he was there, if he was having fun, he could opt to stay for the three weeks. The camp director was just sure he was going to do that. And our son basically said to us, I will only do the two weeks, but I will go. And we said, okay, thinking, you know, he will go, he will have fun, he will want to stay for that third week. He left in late June and then my wife Jen became obsessed with whether our son would stay for that third week. She thought about it regularly. We talked about it all the time. She sent our son's messages trying to nudge him towards staying for that third week. I asked her why was she so focused on this third week of camp and she told me this. Basically, she said, if he comes home after two weeks, then he's never going back to camp again. Why? Well, her logic was this. Camp takes time to adjust to, and if our son only gave it two weeks, then he would miss that feeling of belonging and bonding with the camp and his bunkmates and all of that. But if he stayed for three weeks, that would be enough time to get him past those, you know, uncomfortable early days. And he would really feel it would really feel that love of camp, and he would want to return in the future. This is why she was so worried. So much was riding on his decision about the third week. And when Jen said that to me about camp in the third week, a pattern clicked in my head. I had heard this kind of thinking before from her and from many others. For example, Jen has written five books, and at some point during the process of every book, she basically tells me, if this book doesn't go well, I'll never be able to write another book. Meanwhile, a friend had applied for a job and told me, if I don't get this job, my career will be derailed. An entrepreneur I know was afraid to launch a product and said to me, if people don't like this first version, my whole business will die. In essence, everyone is saying the same thing. What happens next will change everything. That's what they're thinking. What happens next will change everything. But wait, do we actually know that? In truth, no, we do not. Like everyone, I can get caught up in this kind of thinking, too, but I often manage to avoid it. For example, when Jen was worrying about our son's camp decision, I was just thinking, you know, I hope he has fun, and I do hope he stays longer, but it's fine if he comes home early. So I asked myself, why was I less concerned than Jen was? What was going on in my head that. That others might learn from? And then I realized I have convinced myself that everything I see is only one data point in a much more complex calculation. You know, we like to draw clean, basic, simple lines between things. A leads to Z. This child's decision today will dictate his actions tomorrow. This book's success will dictate opportunities tomorrow. But you know what? None of that is true. In reality, outcomes are driven by many invisible inputs. In the case of camp, we had no idea what our son was thinking or how the experience will impact him or how he'll grow and mature over the coming years. We have no clue how many data points will go into his decision about what to do with camp Next summer. Therefore, we can't truly anticipate what's going to happen next or how today's decision will, will impact tomorrow's actions. And that shouldn't be a problem, that should be liberation. It means that the stakes are much lower than we think and the future is much more flexible and shapeable. This is what it means to develop a low stakes mindset. If you're stuck in a high stakes thinking like my wife was with camp or those other examples, these things where we're thinking the stakes right now in what I am doing or what I am waiting for or what I want to happen are so high that high stakes thinking if you're stuck in that. Here is how to bring those stakes down. Just follow this three step process. Step one, start with your current scenario. For example, let's just keep going with the camp situation. You've already heard about it. That's the scenario. Step two, imagine things not going the way that you wanted. In this case, that would mean that our son does come home after two weeks. All right, and now step three. Create three realistic positive outcomes from that thing happening that you didn't want to happen. You need to show yourself very logically how something bad can lead to something good. Make some true realistic assumptions. Draw the line. For example, all right, let's say, you know, so we're talking about camp and things not going the way that we wanted. Which means that our son comes home after two weeks and then trying to imagine a positive outcome from that. Okay, well, that seems easy enough. So he comes home after two weeks. Why? Because he was homesick. But he also had fun and he made great friends at camp and some of those kids live near us. So we're going to set up play dates over the coming year and we're going to allow those friendships to flourish. And then next summer, our son will be excited to go back to camp with his friends and who will feel less homesick. I could easily come up with two more scenarios just like that. Right? The point is there are infinite possible variations of a situation. Infinite ways that life might unfold. We cannot be certain of any one path, which means that it's pointless to worry about which one we take. It's really just a question of what's within our control. We want things to work out clearly and perfectly, exactly the way that we wanted them to. And we struggle when we cannot control the outcomes ourselves. There's good news here, though. There is still plenty that you can control. Because once a decision is made, or once, you know the result of something you've been waiting for, you can control your reaction. That's what we're doing now at home. Because in the end, our son did come home after two weeks and we welcomed him with big hugs. And it turns out he had a great time at camp. He made friends, his bunk mates loved him, but he was a little overwhelmed and he just needed the comforts of his own bed. And from our living room, he sent a note to his bunkmates who were still back at camp, and he said, I love you all. Now, will he go back to camp next year? We sure hope so, and he's open to it. And there's plenty of time to discuss. And no matter what happens, we will try to remember the stakes are always low because that is the truth. They are. And that is how you can develop a low stakes mindset. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason
