A (3:04)
You are about to meet someone important and you are nervous. Maybe it's a potential partner or an investor or someone you want to learn from. Maybe you are like a listener named Meg. She just asked a billionaire CEO for advice and wouldn't you know it, he agreed to talk. And now she is out very anxiously prepping. In fact, she just wrote me to ask this. She wrote, I'd love to know how you overcome any nervousness or fear when talking to powerful people. Are there any rules or guidelines you follow when prepping for these conversations? Well, Meg, yes, happy to help. I have one rule and it is this. Treat the conversation like a joint project. This lowers your stress and increases your focus, allowing you to have more meaningful conversations with anyone. Today I'll show you how it works and then I'll explain how I use it to great effect. But first, let's ask, why are we nervous talking to other people? Here's the typical answer that people Power differentials. When we perceive someone as big, we treat ourselves as small. But I'm actually not sure that that fully explains it because, like, power isn't always intimidating. You know, power by itself doesn't create intimidation. Powerful people can be friends and advocates. You, me, we all have people who are quote unquote powerful in our lives. We're not always intimidated by them. So instead, here's what I think it is. It's not power differentials. It's this. Sometimes we believe that we need a conversation more than they do. If a conversation feels more valuable to you than whoever it is that you're talking to, then you will be self conscious about every minute of that conversation. Or you'll worry that the person you're talking to will be bored or annoyed, or that you are a burden. I believe that this is also why sales calls can be intimidating and why talking to strangers is so unnerving. In each case, it is a perceived imbalance of need, not necessarily power. So how do we solve for this? Well, here's how we must define a shared purpose. Whenever I enter a potentially intimidating conversation, I always remind myself, this is not me talking to them. This is us working toward a goal. When you think of it like this. This is not me talking to them. This is us working toward a goal. When you think of it like this, it reframes the experience. Suddenly, we are partners. I have a job. They have a job. Our jobs must align to achieve a shared goal. For example, a few years ago, I interviewed Dwayne the Rock Johnson and his business partner, Danny Garcia. This could have been intimidating. You know, they are both very successful, very powerful people. But after some pleasantries, here is how I started the conversation. I said to them this. I said, entrepreneurs want to learn from you. They want to know what you have figured out so that it can help them in their own business. So that is our goal here. Today, through this conversation, we are going to teach them some of the things that drove your success. That's what I said. And that is what I have said to so many celebrities and CEOs, years and years worth of celebrities and CEOs. I have said it so often, and it is magic. Those are magic words. When I said it to Dwayne and Danny, they nodded. And I can see them relax into the conversation. And then they were open, thoughtful, and just wonderful. I've said it to Jimmy Fallon, to Michelle Pfeiffer, to Mark Wahlberg, to Richard Branson, many more. It is always how I start an interview. And after I say it, which I now think of as my little preamble. After I say it, we have an understanding and we get down to business. So why does this work? Well, first let me acknowledge what you might be thinking. You might be thinking, yeah, but Jason, you write magazine stories, so of course celebrities want to talk to you. Not necessarily. Celebrities usually do interviews when they have something to promote. And they approach these things with caution. They don't know what I'm going to write, and they've been burned before, so I am a wild card. But once I deliver that opening, that little preamble, they loosen up. And here's why. When I state a shared goal, I create a shared purpose. I establish our roles, and we can now work together toward a specific outcome which we both want. This same approach applies in so many other ways. Like, for example, on a sales call, if someone's considering me for a keynote talk, those are usually my sales calls. I begin by asking them about their event and how we emphasize we we might make it successful together. I always use phrases like if we work together. Or here's another example, talking to strangers. If I'm alone at a conference or a party, I generally look for people who seem unoccupied. And then I walk over and I might say, hey, don't know anyone here either. Or maybe I'll say, hey, I will be the awkward guy starting conversation at this party. Either way, our shared goal is to escape isolation. So we're going to work together on that. Here's another way it could work. Giving feedback to a colleague. Instead of making it feel like criticism, I frame it as a collaboration. I might say, okay, we both want this project to work, so let's look at ways to refine it together. All right, so, you know, lots of ways to apply this. Thinking this, thinking of that. This is not me talking to them. This is us working toward a goal. But there is one more nuance to consider, which is, what if you don't have something to offer? Like, what if you don't actually have a shared project? For example, Meg. Remember Meg, the listener who kicked this whole thing off? Meg is prepping to talk with a billionaire that she had asked to talk to to get advice. But she has nothing meaningful to give this billionaire. She has no money, no press, no connections. So what is their shared goal? What's their shared purpose? Here it is making their time together purposeful and worthwhile. And to establish this goal, Meg should start her conversation with the billionaire like this. She should say, I know that you've been successful in, like, whatever, some specific thing, and that's important for me to understand because of whatever specific reason. So I'd love to ask you some specific questions about how you've done that specific thing, which will help me achieve whatever specific outcome. Do you see what I've done here? Meg is basically saying, hello, billionaire. Your time today will be well spent because I've done my homework. I understand what you know really well and what I need from you, and I will tactically apply your insights. Your time will turn into action. And I don't care if you're a billionaire or just a thousandaire. You like that you want your time to be valued and valuable. And most people do not do anything like this. Instead, most people ask to pick your brain or to learn your story. I get those requests all the time, and I used to say yes to them. And then I would get frustrated because the calls were meandering. People would ask these broad questions, or they'd launch into long spiels about themselves, and nothing ever felt accomplished. So now, honestly, I just almost always say no. I don't have the time or energy for it. So if you get someone's attention, just value it highly. That goes a long way. Remember, people are just people. Yeah, powerful people, quote, unquote. They built successful things, they have a lot of money, but also they're just another human being. And although power can be undefinable and unpredictable, humans are very definable and very predictable. We all want to be valued and we all like working together. So set a goal, work toward it together and treat conversations like. Like collaborations. After that, everything else is just a great connection. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.
