How to Speak Confidently With Anyone

Summary

Podcast Summary: Help Wanted – "How to Speak Confidently With Anyone"

Episode Release Date: February 27, 2025
Host: Jason Feifer, Editor-in-Chief of Entrepreneur
Co-Host: Nicole Lapin, Money Expert

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Introduction

In the February 27, 2025 episode of Help Wanted, hosted by Jason Feifer alongside co-host Nicole Lapin, the duo delves into a common workplace challenge: overcoming nervousness when engaging in conversations with important individuals. Aimed at professionals seeking to enhance their communication skills, this episode provides actionable strategies to build confidence and foster meaningful dialogues in various professional settings.

Listener's Query

The episode kicks off with a listener named Meg reaching out with a pertinent question:

"I'd love to know how you overcome any nervousness or fear when talking to powerful people. Are there any rules or guidelines you follow when prepping for these conversations?"
— Meg [03:04]

Jason Feifer responds by introducing a singular yet powerful rule to mitigate anxiety in important conversations.

Understanding the Root of Nervousness

Feifer explores the underlying reasons why individuals feel nervous when interacting with others, especially those perceived as powerful. He challenges the conventional belief that power differentials are the sole cause of intimidation:

"I’m actually not sure that power differentials fully explain it because, like, power isn’t always intimidating."
— Jason Feifer [04:10]

Instead, he proposes a more nuanced perspective:

"Sometimes we believe that we need a conversation more than they do. If a conversation feels more valuable to you than whoever it is that you're talking to, then you will be self-conscious about every minute of that conversation."
— Jason Feifer [05:00]

Feifer identifies this perceived imbalance of need as a significant factor contributing to nervousness, applicable not only to high-stakes meetings but also to everyday interactions like sales calls or meeting new people.

The Core Solution: Treat Conversations as Joint Projects

Feifer introduces his primary strategy for overcoming conversational anxiety:

"Treat the conversation like a joint project. This lowers your stress and increases your focus, allowing you to have more meaningful conversations with anyone."
— Jason Feifer [06:15]

By redefining the interaction as a collaborative effort rather than a one-sided exchange, individuals can shift their mindset from feeling vulnerable to acting as partners working towards a common goal.

Implementing the Joint Project Approach

Feifer provides practical examples to illustrate how to apply this strategy across different scenarios:

1. Interviews with High-Profile Individuals:

   Reflecting on his experience interviewing celebrities and CEOs, Feifer shares his approach:

   "I said, 'Entrepreneurs want to learn from you. They want to know what you have figured out so that it can help them in their own business. Today, through this conversation, we are going to teach them some of the things that drove your success.'"
   — Jason Feifer [07:30]

   This preamble establishes a shared purpose, making the conversation collaborative and goal-oriented, which in turn relaxes both parties and fosters a productive dialogue.

2. Sales Calls:

   When conducting sales calls, Feifer frames the interaction around mutual success:

   "I begin by asking them about their event and how we might make it successful together. I always use phrases like 'if we work together.'"
   — Jason Feifer [09:00]

3. Networking at Events:

   In social settings like conferences or parties, Feifer suggests initiating conversations with a shared objective:

   "If I'm alone at a conference or a party, I generally look for people who seem unoccupied. And then I walk over and I might say, 'Hey, don't know anyone here either,' or 'Hey, I will be the awkward guy starting conversation at this party.' Either way, our shared goal is to escape isolation."
   — Jason Feifer [10:15]

4. Providing Feedback:

   When offering feedback to colleagues, reframing it as a collaborative effort can mitigate defensiveness:

   "I might say, 'Okay, we both want this project to work, so let's look at ways to refine it together.'"
   — Jason Feifer [10:45]

Addressing Situations with No Apparent Shared Project

Feifer acknowledges scenarios where one party might not have an obvious contribution, such as Meg's impending conversation with a billionaire advisor. He advises setting a clear, purposeful goal to ensure the interaction remains valuable:

"She should say, 'I know that you've been successful in [specific area], and that's important for me to understand because [specific reason]. So I'd love to ask you some specific questions about how you've done that, which will help me achieve [specific outcome].'"
— Jason Feifer [11:20]

This approach demonstrates preparation and respect for the other person's time, transforming the interaction into a mutually beneficial exchange despite the apparent imbalance.

Key Takeaways

1. Redefine the Interaction: Viewing conversations as collaborative projects shifts the dynamic from anxiety-inducing to goal-oriented, fostering confidence and meaningful engagement.

2. Establish Shared Goals: Clearly defining what both parties aim to achieve in the conversation creates a framework for cooperation and reduces self-consciousness.

3. Preparation is Crucial: Understanding and articulating the purpose of the interaction ensures that it remains focused and productive, even when there's no obvious mutual benefit.

4. Universality of the Approach: Whether dealing with high-profile individuals, conducting sales calls, networking, or providing feedback, the joint project mindset is versatile and effective across diverse scenarios.

5. Humanizing Powerful Individuals: Recognizing that powerful people are also humans with their own goals and desires fosters a more relatable and less intimidating interaction.

Conclusion

In this enlightening episode of Help Wanted, Jason Feifer provides listeners with a transformative approach to overcoming conversational anxiety. By treating every important conversation as a joint project with a shared purpose, individuals can navigate interactions with confidence and achieve more meaningful and productive outcomes. Whether you're preparing to meet a potential investor, engage with a colleague, or network at an event, these strategies offer a reliable framework to enhance your communication skills and professional relationships.

For further assistance or to have your work-related questions addressed on the show, listeners are encouraged to email [e-mail].

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Production Credits:
Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Hosted by Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin. Executive Producer: Morgan Lavoy.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

This is help wanted the show that makes your work work for you. I'm Jason Pfeiffer, editor in chief of.

[B]

Entrepreneur magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin. On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the helpline and help callers solve their work problems.

[A]

And on Thursdays, I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.

[B]

And it starts now.

[A]

You are about to meet someone important and you are nervous. Maybe it's a potential partner or an investor or someone you want to learn from. Maybe you are like a listener named Meg. She just asked a billionaire CEO for advice and wouldn't you know it, he agreed to talk. And now she is out very anxiously prepping. In fact, she just wrote me to ask this. She wrote, I'd love to know how you overcome any nervousness or fear when talking to powerful people. Are there any rules or guidelines you follow when prepping for these conversations? Well, Meg, yes, happy to help. I have one rule and it is this. Treat the conversation like a joint project. This lowers your stress and increases your focus, allowing you to have more meaningful conversations with anyone. Today I'll show you how it works and then I'll explain how I use it to great effect. But first, let's ask, why are we nervous talking to other people? Here's the typical answer that people Power differentials. When we perceive someone as big, we treat ourselves as small. But I'm actually not sure that that fully explains it because, like, power isn't always intimidating. You know, power by itself doesn't create intimidation. Powerful people can be friends and advocates. You, me, we all have people who are quote unquote powerful in our lives. We're not always intimidated by them. So instead, here's what I think it is. It's not power differentials. It's this. Sometimes we believe that we need a conversation more than they do. If a conversation feels more valuable to you than whoever it is that you're talking to, then you will be self conscious about every minute of that conversation. Or you'll worry that the person you're talking to will be bored or annoyed, or that you are a burden. I believe that this is also why sales calls can be intimidating and why talking to strangers is so unnerving. In each case, it is a perceived imbalance of need, not necessarily power. So how do we solve for this? Well, here's how we must define a shared purpose. Whenever I enter a potentially intimidating conversation, I always remind myself, this is not me talking to them. This is us working toward a goal. When you think of it like this. This is not me talking to them. This is us working toward a goal. When you think of it like this, it reframes the experience. Suddenly, we are partners. I have a job. They have a job. Our jobs must align to achieve a shared goal. For example, a few years ago, I interviewed Dwayne the Rock Johnson and his business partner, Danny Garcia. This could have been intimidating. You know, they are both very successful, very powerful people. But after some pleasantries, here is how I started the conversation. I said to them this. I said, entrepreneurs want to learn from you. They want to know what you have figured out so that it can help them in their own business. So that is our goal here. Today, through this conversation, we are going to teach them some of the things that drove your success. That's what I said. And that is what I have said to so many celebrities and CEOs, years and years worth of celebrities and CEOs. I have said it so often, and it is magic. Those are magic words. When I said it to Dwayne and Danny, they nodded. And I can see them relax into the conversation. And then they were open, thoughtful, and just wonderful. I've said it to Jimmy Fallon, to Michelle Pfeiffer, to Mark Wahlberg, to Richard Branson, many more. It is always how I start an interview. And after I say it, which I now think of as my little preamble. After I say it, we have an understanding and we get down to business. So why does this work? Well, first let me acknowledge what you might be thinking. You might be thinking, yeah, but Jason, you write magazine stories, so of course celebrities want to talk to you. Not necessarily. Celebrities usually do interviews when they have something to promote. And they approach these things with caution. They don't know what I'm going to write, and they've been burned before, so I am a wild card. But once I deliver that opening, that little preamble, they loosen up. And here's why. When I state a shared goal, I create a shared purpose. I establish our roles, and we can now work together toward a specific outcome which we both want. This same approach applies in so many other ways. Like, for example, on a sales call, if someone's considering me for a keynote talk, those are usually my sales calls. I begin by asking them about their event and how we emphasize we we might make it successful together. I always use phrases like if we work together. Or here's another example, talking to strangers. If I'm alone at a conference or a party, I generally look for people who seem unoccupied. And then I walk over and I might say, hey, don't know anyone here either. Or maybe I'll say, hey, I will be the awkward guy starting conversation at this party. Either way, our shared goal is to escape isolation. So we're going to work together on that. Here's another way it could work. Giving feedback to a colleague. Instead of making it feel like criticism, I frame it as a collaboration. I might say, okay, we both want this project to work, so let's look at ways to refine it together. All right, so, you know, lots of ways to apply this. Thinking this, thinking of that. This is not me talking to them. This is us working toward a goal. But there is one more nuance to consider, which is, what if you don't have something to offer? Like, what if you don't actually have a shared project? For example, Meg. Remember Meg, the listener who kicked this whole thing off? Meg is prepping to talk with a billionaire that she had asked to talk to to get advice. But she has nothing meaningful to give this billionaire. She has no money, no press, no connections. So what is their shared goal? What's their shared purpose? Here it is making their time together purposeful and worthwhile. And to establish this goal, Meg should start her conversation with the billionaire like this. She should say, I know that you've been successful in, like, whatever, some specific thing, and that's important for me to understand because of whatever specific reason. So I'd love to ask you some specific questions about how you've done that specific thing, which will help me achieve whatever specific outcome. Do you see what I've done here? Meg is basically saying, hello, billionaire. Your time today will be well spent because I've done my homework. I understand what you know really well and what I need from you, and I will tactically apply your insights. Your time will turn into action. And I don't care if you're a billionaire or just a thousandaire. You like that you want your time to be valued and valuable. And most people do not do anything like this. Instead, most people ask to pick your brain or to learn your story. I get those requests all the time, and I used to say yes to them. And then I would get frustrated because the calls were meandering. People would ask these broad questions, or they'd launch into long spiels about themselves, and nothing ever felt accomplished. So now, honestly, I just almost always say no. I don't have the time or energy for it. So if you get someone's attention, just value it highly. That goes a long way. Remember, people are just people. Yeah, powerful people, quote, unquote. They built successful things, they have a lot of money, but also they're just another human being. And although power can be undefinable and unpredictable, humans are very definable and very predictable. We all want to be valued and we all like working together. So set a goal, work toward it together and treat conversations like. Like collaborations. After that, everything else is just a great connection. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.

[B]

Pfeiffer and me, Nicole Lapbin. Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Do you want some help? Email our [e-mail] for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show. And follow us on Instagram, MoneyNews and TikTokoneyNewsNetwork Network for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?

[A]

Oh, I didn't sign up for that.

[B]

All right, well, talk to you soon.