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Jason Pfeiffer
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Jason Pfeiffer
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That's actually happened to me before. I missed a call from a partner.
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Ugh, that's awful.
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Makes your work work for you.
I'm Jason Pfeiffer, editor in chief of.
Nicole Lapin
Entrepreneur magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin.
On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the helpline and help callers solve their work problems.
Jason Pfeiffer
And on Thursdays I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.
Nicole Lapin
And it starts now.
Jason Pfeiffer
Nicole, pop quiz. What percentage of people do you think feel like their partner has held them back? Professionally held them back? There, there. There's a resentment bubbling.
Nicole Lapin
25%.
Jason Pfeiffer
That's. That's close.
Ish.
About 33%. One in three. One in three feel like their partner has held them back. That came from this study that this company Headway happened to just email me and, and I read it. I was kind of interesting because then they threw out all these other statistics that surprised me.
Nicole Lapin
So you love statistics.
Jason Pfeiffer
I love a good statistic. It tells you so much and yet at the same time it tells you so little. And that's why it's so intriguing. It's true though, isn't it? It's like because it will tell you a interesting insight into something but it lacks any kind of context or explanation. And so it to me Always begs the question of why is that and how is it counted that way? And I like, I just kind of love unpacking, trying to understand what is behind these things. 37% admit feeling held back by their partner. Okay, so it was a little higher than I had originally said because they said 1 in 3, but 37.
Nicole Lapin
37% like a current partner or a.
Jason Pfeiffer
By their partner, it said. So I'm gonna go with their current partner. But that is a. Interesting. I don't know.
Nicole Lapin
Brings up more questions than answers.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah, this is the thing with statistics. So that's true. Because are they living with that resentment or was that resentment just around in some relationship at some point? But I don't know. Whatever, we're just gonna keep going with it. Headway. You should have written a better email. 35% admit that they felt embarrassed by their partner's lack of ambition or money issues. That I think is interesting. So 35% admit they feel embarrassed by their partner's lack of ambition. And. And then 46% hide achievements from their significant other. 57% of those people are men.
Nicole Lapin
So they're all in the wrong relationships.
Jason Pfeiffer
They're all in the wrong. Yes, they are definitely in the wrong.
Nicole Lapin
37%.
Jason Pfeiffer
They're definitely in the wrong relationships. When I read this, the thing that I thought about was how I so long time listeners will know this, but for those new. My wife is named Jen. We've been together a long time. And prior to Jen, I was in a very long relationship, nine year relationship with a girl I met. It was through college and then into our 20s. And in that time she and I had very divergent feelings on professional ambition. And I became very focused on my work and it became a core part of my identity and. And it did not for her. She. She enjoyed her work, but it definitely wasn't central to her identity. And she was pretty happy to. She wouldn't say it like this, so this is probably a little demeaning, but like kind of coast like she just wanted to find a place so she was comfortable and just be there. And this.
Nicole Lapin
That is not you, is not me.
Jason Pfeiffer
And when we broke up and I moved to New York and I met Jen, one of the things that really drew me to her was that we had a equal level of professional ambition. I felt understood, I felt seen. And also we were able to then make space for each other's professional ambitions in a way in which I did not get that feeling with my girlfriend. So like we would run into this thing with my girlfriend all the time where. Where she would not understand why I had to prioritize work in this moment. Or like, why do you have to keep doing that? When, I mean, we lived in Boston and then I moved to New York because I got a job. She literally said to me, when does this stop? Like, when do you stop making decisions about your life based on your professional ambitions? And you know that I didn't know the answer to that. And I told my parents that she said that to me, and my dad said, the answer is never like. The answer is that it never stops.
Nicole Lapin
Yeah, Roy, you tell her it's true.
Jason Pfeiffer
It was a great. It was a great answer. It was like an answer that I needed to process. So, anyway, these statistics just jumped out at me is that we know very well, and you've written about many times that money can be a real source of stress and tension in a relationship. But the idea of mismatched senses of ambition is something that I had thought less about but is equally disruptive.
Nicole Lapin
Yeah, it's Bad News Bears.
Jason Pfeiffer
You can't have Bad News Bears.
Nicole Lapin
No, it's just. It's. Yeah. No, if you're in a mismatched ambition relationship, get out of it.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah. There's Nicole's very brief advice to you.
Nicole Lapin
I'm done with this episode. That's how I feel about it.
Jason Pfeiffer
Dump and run. Just get out. Yeah, hell, you can.
Nicole Lapin
If you are hyper ambitious and your partner is like, you know, I don't think that you should be that way. You will resent them if you dim your light. Now, granted, it doesn't have to be matchy match, but it can't be like a resentment thing. If one person is like, go do your thing. You get out there. I will be your biggest fan. Like, you want to move a bunch of times. I'm here to support. I'm here to hold down the family for, you know, whatever. But being like, when are you going to stop being ambition? Yeah, just like, be in the fort with me. Like, that's not. That doesn't work out.
Jason Pfeiffer
That doesn't work. At that time when I called my parents for advice, because I was thinking about moving to New York for this job, and it was going to lead to this breakup. You know, my parents said something like, well, what's the other option? The other option is that you stay in Boston and turn down this job and then have limited career opportunities and buy a place or something. And then what?
Nicole Lapin
Maybe you could convince yourself at the time. And then 20 years passes and then you hate yourself and you hate her and you're just hating life.
Jason Pfeiffer
Not great. I want to, like, talk to the people who responded to this survey. So 37% admit feeling held back by their partner. If somebody came on to the show, Nicole, and they said, I've called you help wanted hosts. Because the help I need is that I am in this relationship. And I feel like my career would have advanced further had I not had to make the sacrifices for this relationship. What would we tell them? Let's say you can't just get out of there.
Nicole Lapin
I'd have questions for them. A lot of questions. Yeah, I know. You do have to. I don't know about making sacrifice, but you do have to compromise. And if you view that as a sacrifice, then you're not maybe compromising in the best way.
Jason Pfeiffer
That is a good distinction. Yeah, keep going. You.
Nicole Lapin
You know, you talk about this a lot. I have so many voice memos from you about this very idea. But you never frame it like that. You know, you go out and do a lot of speaking gigs. You leave the family. You and your amazing wife have a great system that you have in place. You know, you look at it pretty methodically around how long you're going to be away, how much the thing is going to yield and whatever.
Jason Pfeiffer
Right.
Nicole Lapin
And that's a compromise. If you didn't have Jen or your children, like you would be on the speaking thing, you would show up to an opening of an envelope.
Jason Pfeiffer
I absolutely would. For free. For free. You wouldn't even have to pay me. I'd be there just. Just because I like doing it. Yes. No, you're right.
Nicole Lapin
But you don't. Because you like having a wife and kids and a family. And that's not a sacrifice. That's a compromise that you made.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah, that's great. I. I think. I. I think the distinction between sacrifice and compromise is really valuable because the thing about compromise, and I'm not breaking any news here in defining compromise, but just to lay it out, like, the thing about compromise is that you give and you get. And there's an understanding that giving up something at some point is also in the service of getting something somewhere else. And that is definitely the case, like, in so many ways. So the scenario that you're laying out here is that I. I travel a lot for speaking. I also could be traveling for all sorts of other things. I get invited to stuff all the time that I turn down, and it makes me sad to turn it down. But I also realize that in the grand scope of my life, there are things that I have to say no to right now, but that I can say yes to later. We're in a particular moment in time. And that particular moment in time is that I have little kids. And so traveling is burdensome on the family in many different ways. One, because the kids are young enough that they care if I'm around at some point, they'll be older and they're not going to care if I'm around. And. And that also, they're not always the easiest. And so if I'm gone, then my wife Jen has to watch them. And so I am trading off some things now. And totally, there are definitely times where I feel held back by that. It's not a good feeling. But I also always remind myself, like, number one, we are making compromises. If it's important, Jen says, yeah, go do it. And also, I know that there will be time in the future where I don't have to sacrifice as much as I do right now. And so the idea of understanding that there are trade offs and we're just in the process of a trade off is the thing that can ground me. Yeah.
Nicole Lapin
I mean, you even said it to me recently when I was like, we should be doing the show in person and doing videos. And you're like, just hold on to that idea for eight more years until my kids won't care. Yeah. And I'll hear all the time.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah, that's actually where this is actually a worthwhile thing to unpack a little bit here. Right. So for context, we primarily tape this show remotely, because you live in LA and I live in New York. And so right now we are talking over zoom, but occasionally we get to do it in person, usually actually exclusively so far, because you've been in New York, and that is so fun. And it's much better to do it in person. It's great. And then we also get to hang out and just. It's all better. You recently asked me if I would fly out to LA on some kind of cadence so that we could tape things in person and also do them on video. Because the podcasting industry is now becoming a video industry for reasons that I don't really understand, but that's another episode. And. And I talked to Jen, and, you know, Jen was basically like, well, you already travel a lot, so I'm open to it, but let's make sure that it happens at a time when it's not overwhelming and you're not traveling a lot and then adding this other trip on top of it. And I think that is a reasonable answer. And I don't know exactly what that means for how often I'll get out to la. But, you know, we're like, trying to figure it out. And then I just communicated that back to you, and that left us with really no good answer about when I'm going to be in la. But at the very least, we can start working on it. And I don't love that. That's it. I don't love that. I can't just say, yeah, great, I will. I will see you next week in la. I would much rather do that. That sounds great. This is also the moment of life that I'm in, and you have to live with that.
Nicole Lapin
Yeah. Imagine if you married the other lady, the Boston lady.
Jason Pfeiffer
That's true.
Nicole Lapin
I wouldn't even know you.
Jason Pfeiffer
You wouldn't. You actually wouldn't. Because I would have never moved to New York, which is where we met. So. Right. There's this line that I. I've sure used so many times on this show, but is so valuable to me, which is not looking at things through the lens of is this perfect? But rather looking at things through the lens of, is my new problem better than my old problem? And you know that. I think that that applies to a lot of this stuff, too. Like, we have this particular structure in our lives right now. Is my new problem better? Better than my old problem? Yeah. I like this life. It creates new problems and I don't like those problems. We'll solve for those problems and then we'll have other problems and we have to deal with that, too. But that is definitely different than the language of feeling held back by their partner, which is what you had originally contrasted the idea of a compromise with.
Nicole Lapin
Yeah. You are also insatiable like you are Energizer Bunny.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah.
Nicole Lapin
I don't know. Is that the right way to describe it?
Jason Pfeiffer
No. Energizer Bunny is good. Do kids know what the Energizer Bunny is?
Nicole Lapin
I know.
I always worry about all of these.
Jason Pfeiffer
How old is that reference we have?
Nicole Lapin
I know kids are not listening to the show, so.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah. So it doesn't really matter anyway, but you're gonna say all sorts of bad things about that. Yeah.
Nicole Lapin
You would be on the road every single day. You also, you know, I think backgrounding that Jen offers, who is equally ambitious and has her own amazing career. And you guys, you know, work it out and you have a system where you're both so crazy successful and you have this dope, healthy family and, you know, and in eight years, you'll just be annoying Me all the time and be like, I'm.
Jason Pfeiffer
I'm outside. Will that be able to get rid of me?
Nicole Lapin
Yeah.
Jason Pfeiffer
You know what? Actually, that reminds me of this conversation that Jen and I just had. This is probably just driven by me and my general distaste for routine to go to your energizer buddy metaphor. Which is true. I am totally insatiable. I want to do everything. I really don't like being home. I don't like having a routine. And so this ends up being a thing that I talk about a lot. And it was. This was over the summer where. Where Jen said to me, and I'm glad that she asked because I hadn't thought about it. She was like, how do you square that you don't like routine with being married to the same person? You know, like, she is a routine. And that was. I hadn't thought about it. And. And I'm glad that she asked. And the answer was clear to me, which is what I told her, which was I said, well, look, you can't do everything. And. And there's a world in which I suppose it would be fun to just be like an unmarried, floating around the world kind of person. But. But I like being married to you. And what I think is really valuable is that you are a good partner in disrupting routine. Like, she is really proactive about reaching out to people for social events. And she's. She is down for, let's go try this thing. Let's go to that thing. Like, she is an excellent partner in disrupting routine. Like, you. You can't have everything. No routine. Literally no routine is. It would be chaos. That would mean not having a home and not having a foundation. I like having a foundation. I like having a home. I like having her as a consistent part of this. But that is very much because she is who she is and she is able to add new things constantly while also being a stable good thing. And so that's why I told her. She was very happy with that answer. You know, it's true. It's like, where's the balance? Right? Where's the balance? And you have to find a partner that feels that balance. Well, stick around. Help wanted.
We'll be right back.
Nicole Lapin
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Jason Pfeiffer
Welcome back to help wanted. Let's get to it.
Nicole Lapin
So the hiding accolades part of this study, right? That was part of it too. Like we're athletes.
Jason Pfeiffer
46. Yeah, 46 of people hide achievements from their significant other.
Nicole Lapin
I mean that's, you know, similar to financial infidelity. You don't want to actively hide it. I will say I do unintentionally hide a lot of. I don't know if they're accolades but you know, good things that happen during the day and in our business. From my husband, unintentionally, he is more than welcome to know everything. He has my passwords on my phone, my everything. I'm not hiding anything. I just. And he tries to make me better at this. I just very like self deprecating. And I'm just like, that's fine. Like I've done that before. Like it's whatever. He's like, that is a really, really big deal. And I'm like, anyway, we, we did a deal. We are going on a show. We're doing a thing. Anyways, like I'll put on your calendar. He is a good partner in that he encourages me to celebrate those things. And so it's not part of the study, but I thought I would just tell you about it.
Jason Pfeiffer
I appreciate it. So it's like, is that really because you have trouble celebrating your own achievements?
Nicole Lapin
Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I. So I wouldn't put myself in like I'm hiding my achievements, but you know, I think that's not a healthy thing. But a healthy thing is if somebody does feel more know what the word is, not self deprecating but just like very nonchalant or modest. I don't know about big, exciting accolade type events that happen. Having somebody who encourages you or understands that about you to bring that Out. I think the. The spirit of the study obviously is different. It's that somebody is embarrassed to tell their partner because their partner will be mad or shame them or tell them not to.
Jason Pfeiffer
Right. Or. Or it'll tension. I mean, there have definitely been, you know, Jen's gone through as a considerably more anxious person than me. She's gone through moments in which she's been full of doubt about her career or she had a string of things not go well. And those are definitely times in which I might hold on to that something really great happened to me because I just don't want to. I just don't want her to feel like an imbalance of. Of achievement or of good things. And then I'll usually tell her later. I kind of just like hold on to it for the minute. And so I. I have. I have been mindful of that sometimes. And. And the same is true, I guess, interestingly, now that I think about it, with friends sometimes, you know, like, friends who.
Nicole Lapin
Yeah. If they're just got let go or something. You're not all about celebrating, right?
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah, Like, I. I will definitely tell. Like, I would tell you more just sort of things that are going really well for me than if I got together with a friend who's stuck at the job for a couple years and is, like, feeling pretty stagnant. Like, I don't want to, like, rub that stuff in their face, but.
Nicole Lapin
Yeah, but you also didn't tell me, like, when my house burned down, like, that you got a speaking gig or something.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah, no, that would have been like a good human. Yeah. Really? Could you imagine if I had? What an incredibly obnoxious thing.
Nicole Lapin
Sorry to hear that. But just to cheer you up.
Jason Pfeiffer
But the speaking.
Nicole Lapin
Yeah, yeah, we had. I know you listen to Money Rehab all the time.
Jason Pfeiffer
Your daily show that everyone should listen to. Yeah. Maggie Q.
Nicole Lapin
Actress, amazing actress. It's in Mission Impossible, Nikita, all the things. And incredibly lovely human came on the show, talked about being in a marriage that she's super happy in, feels a lot of peace, had dated, I think famously some other actors, was on tabloids and things like that. But she said, in the past I had experienced a lot of jealousy, professional jealousy. So I just wouldn't tell my partner about, you know, big roles, I guess, or big achievements because that would create some jealousy. And obviously that was the wrong partnership. Why are you smirking at me?
Jason Pfeiffer
No, I was actually just. I was still replaying the idea of your house burning down and then me calling you to tell you about a speaking engagement. It's just so, so incredibly horrifyingly obnoxious as an idea that it was very funny. Okay, keep going. Sorry. Thank you so much.
Nicole Lapin
So she was just like, you know, those weren't the right relationships. And now my husband, I think they met because he invested in her company. He's a big cheerleader. He's, you know, always encouraging her to do more. And that's the right type of relationship to be in. Like, you should be encouraging of those things. And, you know, if somebody is modest or hiding those things just because they should celebrate them more, I think a partner could bring that out if it's the right relationship. So all these people who are on the wrong side of the stat, like, just go find someone else. Go on a dating app. There has to be an ambitious one.
Jason Pfeiffer
Match.com to sponsor this episode. Let's see if we can get that before it comes out.
Nicole Lapin
Spencer, are you paying attention? Are you listening? Spencer Raskoff, who used to run Zillow, now at Match Group. Yeah, I think that, you know, they're. They.
I don't know.
I'm sure on dating apps there are some ways to. Well, I don't know. I don't think you can ascertain somebody's level of true ambition based on what they put on their dating app or, you know, their job or whatever.
Jason Pfeiffer
Right. No. Although when I was searching for Jen, when I was searching for someone who became Jen when I was on dating apps, what I wrote. I'm sure I've told you this. Do you remember what I wrote to in the search?
Nicole Lapin
Tell me.
Jason Pfeiffer
Remind Jewish journalist.
Nicole Lapin
Stop.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah, you were that specific Jewish journalist.
Nicole Lapin
For yourself or for her?
Jason Pfeiffer
No, for her. Like I was. Like I was.
Nicole Lapin
Good, because you both are.
Jason Pfeiffer
I was. Yeah. Well, I. Yes, but that's not. No, no, no. That's not what I wrote in my profile. That is what I wrote in the search bar. Like I was.
Nicole Lapin
Oh, because back in the day it was like on.
Jason Pfeiffer
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Because there's no swiping. Yeah. This is back in the day where it's like, it's a website and everyone's profile is like 3,000 words long. When I. It's OkCupid.com and I went to the search bar and I typed Jewish journalist and up came Jen. I married her. Worked out.
Nicole Lapin
Wow, that is very specific. It blurred in with, you know, in the big short how the Michael Burry character talks about what he put on his match.com profile. So I was conflating the two. So he said, I met my wife through match.com look at you guys. So much in common. My profile said, I am a medical student with only one eye, an awkward social manner, and $145,000 in student loans. That was his profile. And she wrote back, you are just what I've been looking for. And she meant honest.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah. Ah, yeah. It's a good one. Also, a lovely way to end this episode because that right there is the cure to all of these horrible statistics.
Nicole Lapin
Be honest. Just be honest and short the housing market if it looks like it's going down.
Jason Pfeiffer
Yeah, be honest and make a lot of money.
Nicole Lapin
My motto's in life.
Jason Pfeiffer
Jason Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.
Nicole Lapin
Pfeiffer, and me, Nicole Lapin. Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Do you want some help? Email our helpline@helpwantedoneynewsnetwork.com for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show. And follow us on Instagramoneynews and TikTok MoneyNewsNetwork for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?
Jason Pfeiffer
Oh, I didn't sign up for that.
Nicole Lapin
All right, well, talk to you soon.
Podcast Summary: Help Wanted — "Is It Bad to Hide Achievements From Loved Ones? Help!"
Date: November 18, 2025
Hosts: Jason Pfeiffer (Editor in Chief, Entrepreneur magazine) and Nicole Lapin (Money expert)
This episode focuses on the complex relationship between professional ambition, achievement, and romantic partnerships. Jason and Nicole unpack striking statistics around people feeling held back by their partners, the tendency to hide career wins from loved ones, and the underlying reasons these patterns develop. They reflect on their own relationships, approach to compromise versus sacrifice, and offer practical, candid advice to listeners grappling with mismatched ambitions or emotional dynamics at home.
Notable Quote:
"That's close. Ish. About 33%. One in three feel like their partner has held them back. That came from this study... and I read it. I was kind of interesting because then they threw out all these other statistics that surprised me."
— Jason Pfeiffer [04:46]
"The answer is never. Like, the answer is that it never stops."
— Jason Pfeiffer [08:23]
"If you're in a mismatched ambition relationship, get out of it."
— Nicole Lapin [08:51]
Notable Quote:
"That's a compromise. If you didn't have Jen or your children, like you would be on the speaking thing, you would show up to an opening of an envelope."
— Nicole Lapin [11:47]
Notable Quote:
"Is my new problem better than my old problem? ... That applies to a lot of this stuff. Like, we have this particular structure in our lives right now."
— Jason Pfeiffer [16:44]
Notable Quotes:
"I do unintentionally hide a lot of...good things that happen during the day...from my husband, unintentionally...he is a good partner in that he encourages me to celebrate those things."
— Nicole Lapin [20:46]
"There have definitely been...moments in which [Jen's] been full of doubt about her career...those are definitely times in which I might hold on to that something really great happened to me because I just don't want her to feel like an imbalance..."
— Jason Pfeiffer [22:42]
Notable Quotes:
"I typed Jewish journalist and up came Jen. I married her. Worked out."
— Jason Pfeiffer [26:58]
"That right there is the cure to all of these horrible statistics."
— Nicole Lapin [27:49]
On Surprising Stats:
"37% admit feeling held back by their partner. Okay, so it was a little higher than I had originally said because they said 1 in 3, but 37."
— Jason Pfeiffer [05:41]
On Ambition Mismatch:
"If you're in a mismatched ambition relationship, get out of it."
— Nicole Lapin [08:51]
On Compromise vs. Sacrifice:
"The thing about compromise is that you give and you get...there are things that I have to say no to right now, but that I can say yes to later."
— Jason Pfeiffer [12:09]
On Support in Relationships:
"Having somebody who encourages you or understands that about you to bring that out...if it's the right relationship."
— Nicole Lapin [22:00]
On Honest Relationship Building:
"Be honest. Just be honest and short the housing market if it looks like it's going down."
— Nicole Lapin [28:00]
The episode is candid, humorous, and supportive, with both hosts sharing deeply personal anecdotes to illustrate bigger lessons. Their advice is rooted in empathy for relationship challenges but is decisively pro-growth, advocating for honest self-reflection and seeking partners who can share — not stifle — your light.
Key Takeaway:
Healthy partnerships require not just love, but aligned ambition, openness about achievements, and the ability to compromise rather than sacrifice. If you’re dimming yourself, hiding your wins, or sitting on resentment, it may be time to re-evaluate — or to look for someone who truly cheers you on.