Help Wanted: "My Manager Doesn't Understand Me... Help!" Episode Summary

Release Date: March 4, 2025
Host: Jason Pfeiffer, Editor-in-Chief of Entrepreneur
Guest: Jenny Wood, Former Google Employee and Author of "Wild Courage: Go After What You Want and Get It"

Introduction to the Episode

In this episode of Help Wanted, hosts Jason Pfeiffer and Jenny Wood delve into the challenging dynamics between employees and their managers. The focus is on understanding and bridging communication gaps, especially when a manager fails to appreciate an employee's work style or expertise.

Guest Background: Jenny Wood

Jenny Wood shares her extensive experience of nearly two decades at Google, where she held significant roles, including leading corporate career programs that benefited thousands globally. Her insights as an author provide a foundational perspective on navigating corporate relationships and career growth.

Mike's Dilemma: An Experienced Engineer Struggles with a New Manager

Mike, an engineer with over 40 years of experience, reaches out for help regarding his strained relationship with his younger, less experienced manager. After a departmental overhaul post-COVID, Mike finds himself in a senior position surrounded by managers half his age.

Key Points from Mike's Story:

• Accusatory Feedback: Mike recounts a humiliating moment where his manager questioned his understanding of models, saying, “Jenny, do you even know how models work?” (03:32) This left him feeling like a "deer in headlights" and emotionally distressed.

• Consistency vs. Adaptation: Despite his consistent work ethic, Mike feels underappreciated and misunderstood. His detailed-oriented approach, while valued by upper management, clashes with his manager's expectations for speed and brevity.

• Emotional Toll: Mike admits, “I get emotional and I sometimes stumble on my words and I try to recover. And then I go home and I fume and just stew over it…” (05:21) This emotional strain affects his overall job satisfaction and productivity.

Hosts’ Analysis: Understanding the Root Causes

Jason and Jenny dissect the possible reasons behind the manager's feedback and Mike's reactions.

1. Communication Styles:

   • Generational Differences: Younger managers may prefer concise communication, whereas seasoned employees like Mike are more detail-oriented.
   • Feedback Delivery: There might be a lack of understanding in how feedback is conveyed, leading to feelings of being undervalued.

2. Managerial Pressures:

   • Unseen Pressures: Jenny suggests considering what pressures the manager might be facing from higher-ups, which could explain his push for speed over detail.
   • Shared Goals: Both Mike and his manager aim for project success, but their approaches differ.

Notable Quote:

“The more you can almost ... build influence through empathy and craft real, meaningful relationships.” — Jenny Wood (16:22)

Strategic Communication: Techniques to Bridge the Gap

Jenny Wood introduces the SAFE Feedback framework, which stands for Situation, Action, Feeling, and Effect. This approach encourages constructive and empathetic communication.

1. Situation: Define the context in which the feedback is given.
2. Action: Describe the specific behaviors observed.
3. Feeling: Express how these actions impact you emotionally.
4. Effect: Explain the broader implications of these actions.

Example Implementation: Mike can approach his manager with questions like:

• “What could I do that would make this better in your eyes?”
• “Can you provide specific examples of where you felt my work was too detailed?” (14:56)

Notable Quote:

“Ask what and how questions. ... What could I do that would make this better in your eyes?” — Jenny Wood (23:28)

Building Empathy and Influence Through Intentional Relationships

Manipulative vs. Strategic Influence: Jenny redefines manipulation as the art of building influence through empathy and authentic relationships, not deceit. She emphasizes the importance of being a net positive energy contributor to foster a supportive work environment.

Practical Steps:

• Acknowledge Positives: Complimenting the manager on his contributions can open doors for better communication.
• Show Commitment to Growth: Demonstrating a willingness to adapt and improve based on feedback showcases a growth mindset.

Notable Quote:

“Being a net positive energy contributor ... is one of the best things you can do.” — Jenny Wood (28:36)

Actionable Advice: Initiating the Hard Conversation

Jason and Jenny encourage Mike to take proactive steps to resolve the tension:

1. Choose the Right Moment: Initiate the conversation when both parties are calm to minimize emotional reactions.
2. Set Clear Objectives: Communicate the desire to understand each other better and align on work expectations.
3. Use the SAFE Framework: Structure the conversation to be constructive and empathetic.

Sample Approach: Mike could email his manager requesting a dedicated time to discuss their working relationship, including specific questions to guide the conversation.

Notable Quote:

“No matter what, ... you're going to walk away feeling brave. And that in and of itself is a win.” — Jenny Wood (32:20)

Mike's Reflection and Commitment

Mike acknowledges the value of the advice provided and expresses a determination to implement the suggested strategies. He recognizes the need to open a dialogue with his manager to alleviate the ongoing tension and improve his work environment.

Notable Quote:

“I think that sounds very good.” — Mike (43:47)

Conclusion: Moving Forward with Confidence

The episode concludes with the hosts reiterating the importance of addressing workplace conflicts proactively. By understanding underlying motivations, adjusting communication styles, and fostering empathy, employees can navigate complex managerial relationships effectively.

Final Thought:

“You need to go after what you want and get it by having that hard conversation with your manager.” — Jenny Wood (44:08)

Key Takeaways

• Proactive Communication: Initiating open and empathetic conversations can resolve misunderstandings.
• Understanding Different Styles: Recognizing and adapting to different communication preferences enhances workplace harmony.
• Constructive Feedback: Utilizing frameworks like SAFE can make feedback sessions more effective and less confrontational.
• Building Relationships: Strategic influence through empathy fosters stronger professional relationships.

For personalized advice on overcoming workplace challenges, consider reaching out to Help Wanted at helphwanted@moneynewsnetwork.com or follow them on Instagram and TikTok @moneynewsnetwork for more insights and content.