"Should I Help a Friend Who Never Helps Me Back? Help!"

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Help Wanted

Episode: “Should I Help a Friend Who Never Helps Me Back? Help!”
Hosts: Jason Feifer & Nicole Lapin
Date: January 20, 2026

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode delves into a relatable, tricky work-life dilemma: Should you continue helping a friend or colleague who rarely reciprocates? Nicole Lapin brings a personal scenario to the table involving a long-time friend who repeatedly asks for favors but seldom returns them. The conversation explores boundaries, emotional labor, cost-benefit analyses of relationships, and strategies for gracefully handling recurring one-sided requests.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Situation: Friendship, Favors, and Frustration

• Background: Nicole recounts her history with a college friend, now in the same professional circle, who has repeatedly asked for favors without offering much help in return.
  • “So I have this issue. I'm really curious... It's this woman that I know, and I don't want to give too much away because she's in the mix.” (04:03 – Nicole)
• Specific Incidents:
  • Nicole felt hurt when the friend didn’t help her find a place to stay during a difficult time.
  • More recently, the friend declined to help Nicole with an important “recovery” issue (trying to get something off the internet).
  • Now, the friend is asking Nicole for a work-related favor (talking to someone in Nicole’s field).

2. The Decision Matrix: Ignore, Refuse, Explain, or Acquiesce

Nicole and Jason dissect the possible responses:

• Ignore her: Nicole feels she can’t continue not responding. (09:13)
• Say no bluntly
• Say yes and do the favor, suppressing frustration
• Explain the underlying resentment: Be upfront about past disappointments and their impact.

3. Evaluating the Relationship’s Value

Jason encourages Nicole to “game out the worst scenario,” i.e., ending the friendship—would that be such a loss?

• “Is that a loss in your life?” (10:17 – Jason)

• Nicole reflects: They have shared history, but not enough reciprocity or aligned values to make the relationship indispensable.

  • “Maybe it sounds a little bit like the thing that you value is what she represents more than what she actually contributes to your life. And that's fine.” (11:06 – Jason)

4. The Role of Sunk Cost and Emotional Labor

• Nicole’s therapist reportedly suggested simply refusing the favor, without the burden of emotional explanation:
  • “You don't need to give the emotional labor to somebody who doesn't really deserve it.” (15:52 – Nicole)

5. Kindness vs. Niceness vs. Boundaries

• Nice: Do the favor, keep quiet about your feelings.
• Kind: Be direct and honest about how you feel.
• Functional: Protect your time and energy without drama, possibly through a “noble lie.”
  • “This is just a cost benefit analysis. Which is, is the benefit worth the cost?” (16:51 – Jason)
  • “I'm going to start stealing time away from the people who are kind of energy vampires or energy neutral.” (14:43 – Jason)

6. Strategy: The Noble (or White) Lie

• Instead of direct confrontation or painful honesty, Jason suggests a gentle excuse:
  • “There's a fourth option here, which is that you say no, but you come up with a lie for why you're saying no so that you're not saying no to her and then you just punt the whole thing.” (23:40 – Jason)
  • He shares his “personal policy” for declining book blurb requests as a real-world example. (25:18 – Jason)
  • Nicole acknowledges she doesn’t love lying but admits she also needs to limit extra commitments.

7. Reciprocity and Holding Boundaries

• Nicole muses whether the friend just sees her as a “resource”:
  • “She thinks of you as a resource. You're a resource to her. You provide the things when she needs the things.” (19:31 – Jason)
  • Nicole: “It feels accurate.” (19:51)

8. The Final Decision

• Nicole, still unsatisfied with any option, ultimately leans toward just saying yes for now, but contemplates using it as a last test:
  • “I think I'm just going to say yes. Is that weird?” (30:30 – Nicole)
  • Jason: “You just haven't reached your breaking point yet … I think you say yes and then you find some reason within the next six months to ask her for a favor and you see what happens.” (30:44 – Jason)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the cost-benefit perspective:

  • “This is just a cost benefit analysis. Which is, is the benefit worth the cost?” (16:51 – Jason)

• On people as energy vampires:

  • “I'm going to start stealing time away from the people who are kind of energy vampires or energy neutral.” (14:43 – Jason)

• On emotional labor:

  • “You don't need to give the emotional labor to somebody who doesn't really deserve it.” (15:52 – Nicole, relaying her therapist’s advice)

• On white lies in business:

  • “It's just a nice lie so that I don't have to just say no … I'd rather give something that just makes like, I'm sorry, my hands are tied, I just can't do it.” (25:18 – Jason)

• On relationships changing over time:

  • “It sounds like the best thing about this relationship has already happened, which is that you knew her a long time ago. And so the longer this relationship goes on, the further away you get from the part of the relationship that was actually good.” (18:54 – Jason)

• On final resolution:

  • “I think you say yes and then you find some reason within the next six months to ask her for a favor and you see what happens. And if she does not drop everything to help you, then the next time, it's a no.” (30:44 – Jason)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Nicole’s story and dilemma introduction: 03:44 – 07:43
• Defining options and feelings: 07:52 – 12:00
• Jason’s professional example: 12:00 – 14:01
• The role of emotional labor and advice from Nicole’s therapist: 15:34 – 17:03
• Exploring “noble lies” as a functional out: 23:40 – 26:42
• Nicole’s ongoing indecision and defining reciprocity: 27:54 – 29:27
• Resolution and agreed experiment (“ask her for a favor next time”): 30:30 – 31:18

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Takeaways

• You’re not alone: Many professionals grapple with one-sided relationships.
• Set clear boundaries: It's okay (and healthy) to refuse further favors if there’s a persistent imbalance.
• Not every relationship can (or should) be fixed: Shared history isn’t always enough to sustain an ongoing connection.
• Honesty isn’t always necessary: Sometimes, a polite excuse serves both parties better than emotional transparency.
• Experiment for clarity: It can help to give relationships a final “test,” then adjust your boundaries accordingly.

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Tone: The hosts balance warmth, humor, and honesty, moving between personal anecdote, practical frameworks, and a bit of gentle self-deprecation. The conversation is candid, supportive, and solution-focused—perfect for listeners stuck in similar relational binds.

Transcript

[Jason Pfeiffer]

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For most people, the end of the year means food, presents, parties and New Year's resolutions. But for business owners, it can mean paperwork. When that fiscal year ends, you have to start thinking about taxes and separating the old year from the new year. When it comes to record keeping and bl, if you don't have a practical system in place, this can be one big headache. Our tip for 2026 make the switch to Intuit QuickBooks because transforming your cash flow can help you transform your business. With QuickBooks Money Tools, your accounts payable and receivables are in sync in one powerful platform, which means you get clean, accurate books that update automatically. And there are fewer manual tasks like chasing down invoices and data entry As a bonus that also less passwords to remember and apps to toggle through. QuickBooks Money tools will help you get paid faster, pay bills smarter, and even get access to funding when opportunities strike. Tax season is just around the Corner, and with QuickBooks Money Solutions, you'll be organized, confident and ready. Get control over your cash flow in 2026. Check out QuickBooks Money Tools today. Learn more at QuickBooks Again, that is QuickBooks.com money terms apply. Money Movement services are provided by Intuit Payments, Inc. Licensed as a money transmitter by the New York State Department of Financial Services. This is Help Wanted, the show that makes your work work for you I'm Jason Pfeiffer, editor in chief of Entrepreneur.

[Nicole Lapin]

Magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin. On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the helpline and help callers solve their work problems.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

And on Thursdays, I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.

[Nicole Lapin]

And it starts now. Hi, Jason.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Hey, Nicole. I hear you have a problem.

[Nicole Lapin]

I have so many problems.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

It's a good thing that we have a show called Help wanted.

[Nicole Lapin]

I have 99 problems. Help wanted is not one. How cold it is the apple of my eye, the joy of my day. So I have this issue. I'm really curious to hear what you have to say about it. So it's. It's this woman that I know, and I don't want to give too much.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Away because she's in the mix.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Sure. And so if you're listening right now, we are talking about you.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Please don't.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

It's true. We're talking about you right now. Okay, continue.

[Nicole Lapin]

You're so vain. You probably think this podcast is about you. So I think, oh, gosh, we've known each other for. How old am I? Since college. Many, many years.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Many, many 75 years ago.

[Nicole Lapin]

A million and a half years ago. And she's like, in the mix of this sort of female founder adjacent space. So we've worked together in different capacities over the years and the, the favor balance has always been a little bit off. Like, I remember a few times historically, where I had asked her for something and she said no. And I don't know, it's like, it's.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

You know, like, what kind of thing would she say no about?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

This is a.

[Nicole Lapin]

This is kind of a upsetting one. There was a time where I really needed a place to live. It was after a big breakup. I was coming to la. I mean, this was a thousand years ago.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

My.

[Nicole Lapin]

My finances were no bueno at the time and I was just in a bad place and I asked her for help finding a place to stay. So this is an anomaly in like, the type of.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Sure, that's not something you're asking, but it is very important and the kind of thing that you would turn to someone that you trusted for and something that I would hope somebody would step up for. But she did not.

[Nicole Lapin]

She did not. And, you know, it stuck with me in a way that this still stings, but I moved past it and like, have little projects with her and. And recently she asked me to do a favor. I won't, like, get too much into it, but it's it was like a work type favor. Talk to this person. This person is, you know, somewhat in your space, like, can you do me this favor to talk to the person? And I haven't responded because I actually asked for something recently around, like recovery stuff and she wasn't able to do that. Um, and I feel like maybe I'm overly sensitive in post recovery, post fire stuff because I've had a lot of fractured relationships since then. But it's come up that now she's messaged me a few times, like sent an email about it and I haven't responded. So I don't know what to do. Do I, A, not respond? B, just say I can't do it, C, just do it and suck it up and don't say anything. Or D, do I say, like, hey, just FYI, like, I was really hurt by the time that I asked for this thing. And you know, right now I'm just. Whatever. Do I give her more information?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Okay, let me state it back to you before we keep going. Okay, so there's this woman who you've known a very long time and she has some professional overlap with you, but that is not the reason. You know her. You know her from a college connection. You guys were friends and she did not always show up when you needed her to. You have asked her for favors and she, she declined. And yet she continues to ask you for favors and you, I presume, have done well by her a number of times. Is that fair to say?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Totally.

[Nicole Lapin]

And probably to be fair, she has come through here and there, you know, and so it's. It's not like a completely imbalanced.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Is the, is the hit rate like middling or is it mostly about this early thing that she didn't do for you that you're still carrying resentment for?

[Nicole Lapin]

It's more the thing that happened last year that I really needed help for. It was actually something that we talked about on the show where I needed help trying to get something off the Internet and still haven't been able to, btw, and she had some connection there.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Got it. And she wouldn't do it. So there have been a couple times where you have asked her for things that were really important, something that was very personal and she did not help. And now she's asking you for help and you are wondering if you are at a crossroads or not, because you could either just do the thing for her and she'll be happy you could not do the thing for her. And who knows, maybe that's some fractured relationship. Now, or you could be really upfront with her that, hey, you are asking me to do this thing. And I have to tell you that there have been some times where I have asked you for things and you did not do them, and that has been a large disappointment for me. These are the three options. Do I have that right?

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah, I. I don't think I can continue to ignore her. So probably say something, some action.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Yeah, yeah. It has to be a yes, no, or let's talk.

[Nicole Lapin]

Exactly.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Yeah. Yes, no, or let's talk. You know, one of the ways into these kinds of decisions to me is to game out the worst scenario and see if that's something you want. And I'm not sure if the worst scenario here is you say no and then just like, dump the relationship and that's the end. Or if the worst outcome is having to have a very awkward conversation in which you're like, this really disappointed and hurt me. And, you know, I need you to respond to that. But either way, I'm going to ask you to engage with whatever you feel like the worst case scenario is and then to consider whether or not that's such a bad thing. So let's start with you say no to this thing, she's really disappointed, and then maybe you guys never talk again. Is that a loss in your life?

[Nicole Lapin]

No, I don't think so.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Okay.

[Nicole Lapin]

I mean, yes, maybe. I don't know how. I. I think if it's. It's not. It's not a deep loss. It. There's history there. Remember, like we've talked about on the show, the. The components of a strong relationship are shared history, shared values, and some sort of equilibrium, reciprocity, like balance thing. So we're not having that. We do have shared history. Do we have shared values? Like, ish. Kind of. You need two out of the three to make something work. And so, yeah, like, I don't have a lot of people in my life that I've known, you know, since college or like, that type of my life that have stayed through. So, like, maybe I'm being an. I'm being an.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Maybe it sounds a little bit like the thing that you value is what she represents more than what she actually contributes to your life. And that's fine. I get that there are people who I stay in touch with simply because we've been in touch for so long, and that's fine. But the reason I asked is. Let me tell you just a quick story. And you and I actually talked about this. I can't remember if it was on the show or if it was just through voice memo. But there is a woman and she and I have a professional connection. And, and I kept expecting that at some point she would produce some kind of fruitful opportunity or introduction or something. But instead what she kept doing was just asking me for coverage of some kind. Hey, could you do this for me? Hey, could you do that for me? And I find that extremely annoying. I don't like that. That's not the way that I want to relate to people. And yet I did a bunch of it. And the reason I did it was because I felt like, well, it's not that hard, I'll do it. And that maintains this relationship. And then, you know, at some point this relationship will become actually mutually beneficial instead of me just constantly helping her when she needs help. And then I reached a breaking point, which was that she had asked me once again for some kind of coverage. And I decided, you know what, I'm going to say no. And saying no is probably going to mean that I never hear from her again. Because at this point it's pretty clear that the role I play in her life is the guy she can ask for this particular kind of favor for. And if I never hear from her again, then that is fine and maybe I'll say no, maybe I'll say no, and then she and I will find some other reason to be in touch and that will be a better reason. But I don't like this reason right now. And so I'm willing to sacrifice this form of this relationship for either nothing or possibly a better form of the relationship. And so I said no nicely.

[Nicole Lapin]

Did you explain why?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, nicely. Yeah, I mean, I basically was like, hey, look, I've been really happy to help in the past, but this is the kind of thing that frankly, given my bandwidth, I really only do like once or twice for people ever. And I've done it for you more times than that. And I worry about the perception of that professionally. And I also just have less and less time and bandwidth to do these kinds of things. So I can't do this and likely cannot do this for you going forward. And I hope that you understand and you know, I'd love to find other ways for us to connect. There's something like that.

[Nicole Lapin]

And you didn't talk about how like it was sort of one. A one sided thing?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

No, no, no, I didn't bring that up. Didn't seem, didn't seem fun, didn't seem functional. And she replied immediately and was very kind she was like, I totally understand. Thanks for telling me. And, you know, I basically haven't heard from her since, although she did recently ask for my address to send me a. Some holiday something. But then I never got the holiday something, so who knows? But that's fine. I feel like I took a burden off of me and I stopped contributing to something that wasn't contributing back to me. And I feel happy about that because, look, as we get older, Nicole, we have less time. There's less time.

[Nicole Lapin]

So much less time.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

All the people and all the things, and some people are just going to have to go, and I'm going to start stealing time away from the people who are kind of energy vampires or energy neutral. And I want to take that time and put it towards relationships that matter. I mean, you know, you can think of it like this. It's like I either spend an hour doing this favor for this woman who is never going to help me, or that's an hour I could spend talking to you, which is a great relationship. And we. That. That always comes back to me in spades. So, you know, like, it's like we have limited bandwidth and you have to think about where to put it. So with that as context, do you feel a sort of similar dynamic with this woman?

[Nicole Lapin]

Maybe it's just longer and more textured. So for this relationship, I think it's. Yeah, it just has more contours to it. And I. It is. It's taking a lot of brain space currently, so I need to make a decision to, like, get it out of my head. I asked my therapist about this and briefly, because I was just slightly annoyed by it, and I was curious if I was just making too big of a deal here and if the answer was obvious and she said, probably say no and don't explain. Like, you don't need to give the emotional labor to somebody who doesn't really deserve it. Or like, you know, if you're. You're finding the. The there's an imbalance, then you, you know, opening up, being vulnerable, taking like a lot of that time and space to tell them a whole spiel. Like, that's a lot. That's. That's a load that, like, maybe you don't need to take and it doesn't. She doesn't need all the information. That's the kind thing to do.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Maybe it. It would be the kind thing to do, right? The. The. As we've talked about many times on the show, the nice versus kind. The nice thing to do would just be to do the Thing, the kind thing to do would be to say, hey, I feel like you haven't shown up for me and I want you to understand that and whatever. But like, you know what? That's not kind to you. If you are already losing too much emotional bend with on this. This is a, to me, this is just a cost benefit analysis. It's really that simple. This is a cost benefit analysis. Which is, which is, is the benefit worth the cost? The benefit would be maybe a more clarified relationship and the cost is however many awkward conversations and then reflecting upon the awkward conversations it takes to get there. Because you're going to have to figure out how to tell her this and you're going to probably like reword an email 17 times and then you're going to think about sending it and then you're going to send it and then you're going to worry what her response is and then she's going to respond and then you're going to like not look at it immediately because they're like, oh my God, I'm not even ready for this. And then you're going to look and then. Because that's exactly what I do too. And it's just, this could be so much.

[Nicole Lapin]

And so have you ever had a friend read it to you instead? Or, like, sometimes when I don't want to, like, or I'm too nervous to it, I just hand it over and I'm like, what does this say? Like, you read it first and give.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Me the, you know, I've never done that, but Jen, my wife, has done that many times with me. Or like when she, when a book of hers will come out, she'll have me read the reviews instead of her reading them. So. But the reason to do that would be because the relationship is so valuable that it is worth this investment to get to the better place with it. But that doesn't sound like this relationship. It sounds like the best thing about this relationship has already happened, which is that you knew her a long time ago. And so the longer this relationship goes on, the further away you get from the part of the relationship that was actually good.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Wow.

[Nicole Lapin]

That was the bar.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

How about that?

[Nicole Lapin]

Jason?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

I know.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

I, I could be your therapist relationship already happened.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah. Are you sending me a bill after this?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

I might, yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

Okay. Interesting. So what I basically doing a cost benefit analysis should do is to decide whether I want to talk to this person.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

At all.

[Nicole Lapin]

Like, I haven't really investigated what it is. I was just upset by the idea of it and the amount of follow ups that happened.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

I'm gonna say a thing that I'm not 100% certain on, but I want you to tell me how it feels to hear it. She thinks of you as a resource. You're a resource to her. You. You provide the things when she needs the things. That's her relationship to you. How does that feel?

[Nicole Lapin]

It feels accurate.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Do you want to be a resource to her?

[Nicole Lapin]

You know, I. I struggle with it because it's like, not really her. So I try to zoom out a little bit more and think, you know, maybe there is benefit to. Let's just say this woman wants to write like a finance book. And I. I take those calls and I try like, someone is real, you know, not just has a book in them, but, like, has a deal or has a proposal or whatever. Like, I am happy to pay it forward.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Sure.

[Nicole Lapin]

I want more financial literacy in the world. I do want to help, you know, and so I wonder if, like, whatever the underlying thing here is, is that something that is worthwhile to help cultivate and facilitate and be part of, too? And is that underlying thing getting punished because of the messenger's tactics?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Right.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

For most people, the end of the year means food, presents, parties, and New Year's resolutions. But for business owners, it can mean paperwork. When that fiscal year ends, you have to start thinking about taxes and separating the old year from the new year when it comes to record keeping. And bleh. If you don't have a practical system in place, this can be one big headache. Our tip for 2026 make the switch to Intuit QuickBooks, because transforming your cash flow can help you transform your business. With QuickBooks Money Tools, your accounts payable and receivables are in sync in one powerful platform, which means you get clean, accurate books that update automatically. And there are fewer manual tasks like chasing down invoices and data entry as a bonus. That also means less passwords to remember and apps to toggle through. QuickBooks Money tools will help you get paid faster, pay bills smarter, and even get access to funding when opportunities strike. Tax season is just around the Corner, and with QuickBooks Money Solutions, you'll be organized, confident, and ready. Get control over your cash flow in 2026. Check out QuickBooks Money tools today. Learn more at QuickBooks.com money Again, that is QuickBooks.com money terms apply. Money movement services are provided by Intuit Payments, Inc. Licensed as a money transmitter by the New York State Department of Financial Services.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Well, okay, let's just explore one other avenue here, and then we can make a Decision, which is that we haven't engaged with. What happens if you just say yes and just do the thing? So number one, is the thing that she wants labor intensive for you or is it a matter of like sending an email, making an introduction?

[Nicole Lapin]

It's like talking to a person.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Okay, so it's like, you know how 30 minutes of. Right. Yeah. No, it's very annoying. That's super annoying. So that's a time commitment. You don't have time for that. You're busy. You don't need this like 30 minute call on your calendar. And even maybe more uncomfortable is that because you have to talk to someone, you now have to verbally endorse this person. Oh, they're so great. You should totally do the thing or what. Whatever it is that you're going to have to say, you're going to have to play the role, live to someone else of Nicole, old friend of this person who really wants to help her. And do you want to do that? Does that feel comfortable?

[Nicole Lapin]

That's a good point. Love, love us fast forwarding this proverbial videotape. It doesn't feel that amazing. It doesn't feel that great. But you know, there are great things about everybody. You don't have to give the full spiel, you know, there's. Sure. And how can I help you?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

There's a fourth option here, which is with. The fourth option is that you say no, but you come up with a lie for a reason why you're saying no so that you're not saying no to her and then you just punt the whole thing. Right. So that could be. She's asking you to make a call to a person and the lie is, you know, oh, hey, sorry, crazy inbox. Took me a while to get back to you. You know, I unfortunately can't make that call because I lost touch with that person because I know that that person is actually currently in a giant project and not taking on new somethings because whatever. Come up with some barrier, some. Some fake barrier for the reason why you cannot do the thing that she is asking in a way in which you're not saying yes. You're also not saying hi, you've asked me for a favor. The answer is no. And you are also not saying hi, you've asked me for a favor. The answer is let us dig up old shit from 20 years ago. Right. Like it's an. It's. It's just a way to just get out of it. Is that an option? And would you want to take that option?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Nicole Lapin]

I mean, I don't, I don't love a lie, but it's true that I'm. I am trying to figure out a better way to not do extra things and say, yeah, I have a baby. Like, I have a business. I need to nurture both before extra new things pop up.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Here's a version of a lie that I tell a lot. God, I can't believe I'm going to say this recorded so that people could call me on it. Now, this is probably a mistake, but people will email me with some regularity, as I'm sure they do you, and they will ask me to endorse their book to provide a blurb that goes on the back cover endorsing the book. And my lie back to them is I say, thanks so much for considering me. I'm honored, and congratulations on the book. Because I get so many requests like this, I have a personal policy of only endorsing books by people that I have worked directly with. That's what I say. And people are always like, totally get it. Really appreciate the consideration. And then they go away. Now, the reason it's a lie is because if that person happens to have like 10 million Instagram followers and I think that they can help me in some way, then, like, sure, I'll just do it. It's fine. But if they don't seem to be able to help me in some way, then there's just no reason to, like, spend the time endorsing this random person's book or getting to know their book. I don't have the time for that. It doesn't add any value to me, and so I don't do it. But it's just, it's just a nice lie so that I don't have to just say no. Like, hello, I've received your request and the answer is no. Goodbye. I. I'd rather give something that just makes like, I'm sorry, my hands are tied, I just can't do it. And that feels better to me.

[Nicole Lapin]

That is so interesting. This is a niche area that probably won't resonate with most folks, but I also have a request for something like that that's come in that I've taken a beat on it. It's not as complicated, so it's not a help wanted full episode, but I. I was asked to endorse a thing and it's like, slightly annoying. I could say, like, write the thing. Sure, no problem. I have hearkened back though, to the time where I was asking people for blurbs and I really, really loved what Barbara Corcoran said about this. I had reached out to Barbara for I don't remember which book, and she wrote back so graciously and just said yes. And when I had her on the show, she was like, it's so easy to just say yes to those things. Like, it's good juju out in the. You're in that position. It's annoying people that, like, write books and put out products and stuff. Like, it's so easy to just say yes to that one.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

And it.

[Nicole Lapin]

And it gives me pause because I'm.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Like, some of these things are just.

[Nicole Lapin]

Like, easy to do. And is it bad karma to not do it? Because you'll be on that side of the equation soon enough.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Yeah, it's true. I mean, look on that. Not to make this a whole tangent about book blurbs, but on that, I do. There is a. There is a third category, and that is people who asked exceptionally thoughtfully. So if somebody reaches out and they ask me for a blurb and they have spent a lot of time with my work and they sent me an incredibly thoughtful note, I often do it. But that's the minority of outreach. The majority of outreach is a LinkedIn DM that's like, hey, I wrote this book. I would love to get your endorsement. Can I send you the PDF? Like, it's, like, always, basically that simple. And, and that's, like, I just can't. I just can't put my name on every random book. But if you really spent the time, I, I, I guess I'm probably likely to do it.

[Nicole Lapin]

But what if you know the person, too?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Like, this person?

Oh, if I know the person, I.

[Nicole Lapin]

Say, yeah, she was a guest. Okay.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

If I know the person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, sorry, I guess I should have clarified. If this is. If this is anybody I have any actual connection to, if it's a. If it's a friend, if it's a colleague, frankly, if it's a friend of a friend, like, if it comes in as a friend of a friend, if it's anybody I'm personally connected to, the answer is yes. It's always yes. This is absolute random strangers reaching out. And. Yeah. And then I generally say no, unless there seems to be some way in which this is the start of a valuable relationship. Yeah, Right. So, okay. But let's get back to it.

[Nicole Lapin]

So sometimes little white lies are okay, too.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

I think they're fine. I think they. I think they. I think they just make everyone. They. They create plausible deniability, and that's all you want, right? It's just you've put somebody, you, somebody's put themselves out there. They don't want to feel 100% rejected. But if the answer is no, it's nice to have a thing that makes everybody just feel a little better. I think that's fine. The noble lie. It's the noble lie. So I do think that that is an option you have.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Don't nip the whole situation in the.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

No, you do not.

[Nicole Lapin]

It will come back after that.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

This will just keep happening. So that is not a solution for that. So, Nicole, it is time to make a decision. Is it a yes? I will do this thing for you. I'll hop on this call and do whatever. Is it a no? I have received your request and have denied it. It is a no with a white lie, which is basically, let's kick the can down the road and we'll face this whole thing again six months. Or is it a hey, let's have a heart to heart and I want to tell you how I feel and you can tell me whatever and then we'll see what happens.

[Nicole Lapin]

None of them feel great. I think I'm just going to say yes. Is that weird?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

It's terrible.

[Nicole Lapin]

It's like not, not standing up for anything that I'm hoping to stand up for.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Cool. You know, we're doing great. I've been there. I've done it. I mean, look, look how many times I said yes to that woman who asked me for press. I said yes so many times. I just kept doing it. And so you just have. You just haven't reached your breaking point yet. Here's what I think. I think. I think you say yes and then you find some reason within the next six months to ask her for a favor and you see what happens. And if she does not, if she does not drop everything to help you, then the next time, it's a no.

[Nicole Lapin]

All right.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Deal?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Deal. All right. You said yes to the. Yes to the task.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yes to the dress.

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Yes to the. I was going to say, but it didn't make any sense. You said yes to the dress. I hope it's a nice dress.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.

Pfeiffer and me, Nicole Lapin.

[Nicole Lapin]

Our executive producer is Morgan Lev.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

If you want some help, email our.

[Nicole Lapin]

[e-mail] for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show. And follow us on Instagram at MoneyNews and TikTokoneyNewsNetwork for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?

[Jason's Co-host or Therapist Figure]

Oh, I didn't sign up for that.

[Nicole Lapin]

All right, well, talk to you soon.