Help Wanted — "The Best (and Worst!) Way To Ask For an Intro"
March 31, 2026 | Hosted by Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin

Episode Overview

This episode takes listeners deep into the nuanced, often awkward world of professional introductions—how to ask for them, how to make them, and crucially, how to decline or gatekeep them. Entrepreneur editor in chief Jason Feifer and money expert Nicole Lapin share personal stories, vent frustrations, and offer a practical etiquette guide for the delicate art of connecting people in your professional life. Their frank, conversational approach is packed with actionable tips and real-world experience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction Gone Awry: The "Billy" Example

• Jason shares a bizarre LinkedIn DM (04:47–06:41) from a stranger—“Billy”—who enthusiastically introduces Jason to a college freshman (let’s call her Susie) without context or permission.
  • Notable Quote:
    Jason Feifer (06:08): “Billy is a total stranger. I went back to make sure I didn't forget him from something... He comes out of absolute nowhere and the thing that he wants is to make this very cheery introduction... to a college freshman. What?”
• Lesson: Never make unsolicited, blind introductions—especially when lacking existing relationships and context.

2. What Makes a Bad Introduction?

• Critical Mistakes:
  • Making introductions without prior consent.
  • Failing to offer clear context or value for the connection.
  • Assuming “mutual benefit” where it’s tenuous or non-existent.
  • Not respecting the seniority, bandwidth, or preference of either party.
• Nicole admits she used to make this mistake (08:55–09:04) and stresses the need for permission, especially when the intro is a big favor, e.g., to a senior professional or when large asks are involved.

3. The Right Way to Request & Make Introductions

• Always ask for pre-authorization.

  • Nicole Lapin (09:07): “...there are some people that you don't need to ask permission for. It's not like a favor... But there's a huge area in between that requires pre-authorization for sure. And you should give the other person a heads up...”

• Provide context and explain value.

  • Example Approach: Explain who the person is, their relevance or value, and let the recipient make an informed choice.
  • Jason’s method: Editorializes and outlines pros/cons so both parties' time is respected.
    (13:08) “If I'm going to make a connection, I either want to know this is going to be a great connection... or I want to give [the recipient] the pros and cons and let them decide...”

• Best practice: Ask the requestor to “write the spiel” for the intro (their own pitch), making it simple for the connector to forward.

  • Jason Feifer (14:38): “...I'll ask people to do this. Let's say somebody wanted an intro to you. I will say to them, like, write the spiel. Email me a thing for me to forward...”

4. How to Gracefully Decline or Gatekeep Introductions

• Assess whether connecting benefits both parties or risks depleting social capital.

• Communicate with honesty and empathy (“Thank you, but X is really swamped/not a fit right now. Feel free to circle back in X months”).

  • Testing true interest: Suggesting a delay weeds out less serious requests.
    Jason Feifer (15:48): “Tell them to check back in six months... In six months, you will find out a small percentage ... actually come back... I generally say yes to those people because they really wanted it.”

• Sometimes, inventing “rules” to explain a no is effective and protects all sides.

  • Jason Feifer (28:02): “This is not something you’ve ever said to me, but I’ll, like, make stuff up... Like, [Nicole] has a rule for herself where she only goes on podcasts that have been around for at least a year... It’s a good strategy.”

• The importance of gatekeeping:

  • Nicole Lapin (18:27): “Your contact list is your most valuable currency... it's really, really important to protect it on both sides, on who you're introducing and who wants to be introduced.”

5. Protecting Relationships: The “Trust Battery”

• Jason discusses the metaphor of the “trust battery” (19:11–21:45) — maintaining high trust with close contacts by being thoughtful and transparent before making intros.
  • Notable Quote:
    Jason Feifer (20:15): “My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery... so I want to always engage with my network in a way in which they feel in control.”
• Go the extra mile for trusted relationships, like sending a detailed voice memo outlining your thoughts and letting the recipient decide.

6. The Art of the Introduction Email

• Use the intro email not just to connect, but to celebrate both people and strengthen relationships.
  • Jason Feifer (33:27): “There is an incredibly fine art and a really wonderful opportunity in the introduction email... Give a few sentences about each person... It’s a really great opportunity to tell the people who you like that you like them.”
  • Nicole Lapin (33:38): “You will really feel that way about that person. So it gives an opportunity to acknowledge them and their awesomeness and the other person's awesomeness.”

7. Final Takeaways and Practical Guidelines

• Acknowledge all requests; people mostly want to feel heard—even when the answer is no.
• For high-quality, low-awkwardness intros:
  • Always get permission
  • Offer clear context and value
  • Respect everyone’s time and relationships
  • Be kind and generous in the intro message itself
  • Gatekeep to protect your and others' networks
  • Don’t be afraid to say “no,” and do so with a reason, not avoidance.

Nicole sums it up bluntly:
(34:46): “But don't fuck it up.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On unsolicited intros:
  • “Billy is a total stranger... He comes out of absolute nowhere and the thing that he wants is to make this very cheery introduction... to a college freshman. What?” — Jason Feifer (06:08)
• On contact lists as currency:
  • “Your contact list is your most valuable currency, your relationships most valuable currency. And it's really, really important to protect it on both sides...” — Nicole Lapin (18:27)
• On trust battery:
  • “My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery... If I'm at 98%, that is too low for me.” — Jason Feifer (20:15)
• On great email intros:
  • “There is an incredibly fine art and a really wonderful opportunity in the introduction email... It's a really great opportunity to tell the people who you like that you like them.” — Jason Feifer (33:27)
• The episode's final advice:
  • “But don't fuck it up.” — Nicole Lapin (34:46)

Key Timestamps

• The “Billy” unwanted introduction story: 04:47–06:41
• How Nicole used to mess up intros: 08:55–09:04
• Best practices for requesting & making intros: 13:08–16:31
• The trust battery metaphor: 19:11–21:45
• Gatekeeping and why declining is okay: 23:12–25:19
• Crafting meaningful intro emails: 31:48–34:16
• Episode wrap-up, key takeaways: 34:16–34:56

Episode Tone

Candid, banter-filled, and practical with self-deprecating humor. Jason and Nicole mix personal vulnerability, practical etiquette, and tough love, making even business boundaries sound approachable—and occasionally hilarious.

Listen If You Want To

• Avoid awkward or damaging introductions (and know how to say no)
• Master the modern etiquette of professional networking
• Protect your relationships while expanding your and others’ opportunities
• Learn the fine art of being helpful without losing your mind (or your trust battery)