The Best (and Worst!) Way To Ask For an Intro

Summary

Help Wanted — "The Best (and Worst!) Way To Ask For an Intro"
March 31, 2026 | Hosted by Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin

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Episode Overview

This episode takes listeners deep into the nuanced, often awkward world of professional introductions—how to ask for them, how to make them, and crucially, how to decline or gatekeep them. Entrepreneur editor in chief Jason Feifer and money expert Nicole Lapin share personal stories, vent frustrations, and offer a practical etiquette guide for the delicate art of connecting people in your professional life. Their frank, conversational approach is packed with actionable tips and real-world experience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction Gone Awry: The "Billy" Example

• Jason shares a bizarre LinkedIn DM (04:47–06:41) from a stranger—“Billy”—who enthusiastically introduces Jason to a college freshman (let’s call her Susie) without context or permission.
  • Notable Quote:
    Jason Feifer (06:08): “Billy is a total stranger. I went back to make sure I didn't forget him from something... He comes out of absolute nowhere and the thing that he wants is to make this very cheery introduction... to a college freshman. What?”
• Lesson: Never make unsolicited, blind introductions—especially when lacking existing relationships and context.

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2. What Makes a Bad Introduction?

• Critical Mistakes:
  • Making introductions without prior consent.
  • Failing to offer clear context or value for the connection.
  • Assuming “mutual benefit” where it’s tenuous or non-existent.
  • Not respecting the seniority, bandwidth, or preference of either party.
• Nicole admits she used to make this mistake (08:55–09:04) and stresses the need for permission, especially when the intro is a big favor, e.g., to a senior professional or when large asks are involved.

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3. The Right Way to Request & Make Introductions

• Always ask for pre-authorization.

  • Nicole Lapin (09:07): “...there are some people that you don't need to ask permission for. It's not like a favor... But there's a huge area in between that requires pre-authorization for sure. And you should give the other person a heads up...”

• Provide context and explain value.

  • Example Approach: Explain who the person is, their relevance or value, and let the recipient make an informed choice.
  • Jason’s method: Editorializes and outlines pros/cons so both parties' time is respected.
    (13:08) “If I'm going to make a connection, I either want to know this is going to be a great connection... or I want to give [the recipient] the pros and cons and let them decide...”

• Best practice: Ask the requestor to “write the spiel” for the intro (their own pitch), making it simple for the connector to forward.

  • Jason Feifer (14:38): “...I'll ask people to do this. Let's say somebody wanted an intro to you. I will say to them, like, write the spiel. Email me a thing for me to forward...”

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4. How to Gracefully Decline or Gatekeep Introductions

• Assess whether connecting benefits both parties or risks depleting social capital.

• Communicate with honesty and empathy (“Thank you, but X is really swamped/not a fit right now. Feel free to circle back in X months”).

  • Testing true interest: Suggesting a delay weeds out less serious requests.
    Jason Feifer (15:48): “Tell them to check back in six months... In six months, you will find out a small percentage ... actually come back... I generally say yes to those people because they really wanted it.”

• Sometimes, inventing “rules” to explain a no is effective and protects all sides.

  • Jason Feifer (28:02): “This is not something you’ve ever said to me, but I’ll, like, make stuff up... Like, [Nicole] has a rule for herself where she only goes on podcasts that have been around for at least a year... It’s a good strategy.”

• The importance of gatekeeping:

  • Nicole Lapin (18:27): “Your contact list is your most valuable currency... it's really, really important to protect it on both sides, on who you're introducing and who wants to be introduced.”

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5. Protecting Relationships: The “Trust Battery”

• Jason discusses the metaphor of the “trust battery” (19:11–21:45) — maintaining high trust with close contacts by being thoughtful and transparent before making intros.
  • Notable Quote:
    Jason Feifer (20:15): “My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery... so I want to always engage with my network in a way in which they feel in control.”
• Go the extra mile for trusted relationships, like sending a detailed voice memo outlining your thoughts and letting the recipient decide.

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6. The Art of the Introduction Email

• Use the intro email not just to connect, but to celebrate both people and strengthen relationships.
  • Jason Feifer (33:27): “There is an incredibly fine art and a really wonderful opportunity in the introduction email... Give a few sentences about each person... It’s a really great opportunity to tell the people who you like that you like them.”
  • Nicole Lapin (33:38): “You will really feel that way about that person. So it gives an opportunity to acknowledge them and their awesomeness and the other person's awesomeness.”

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7. Final Takeaways and Practical Guidelines

• Acknowledge all requests; people mostly want to feel heard—even when the answer is no.
• For high-quality, low-awkwardness intros:
  • Always get permission
  • Offer clear context and value
  • Respect everyone’s time and relationships
  • Be kind and generous in the intro message itself
  • Gatekeep to protect your and others' networks
  • Don’t be afraid to say “no,” and do so with a reason, not avoidance.

Nicole sums it up bluntly:
(34:46): “But don't fuck it up.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On unsolicited intros:
  • “Billy is a total stranger... He comes out of absolute nowhere and the thing that he wants is to make this very cheery introduction... to a college freshman. What?” — Jason Feifer (06:08)
• On contact lists as currency:
  • “Your contact list is your most valuable currency, your relationships most valuable currency. And it's really, really important to protect it on both sides...” — Nicole Lapin (18:27)
• On trust battery:
  • “My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery... If I'm at 98%, that is too low for me.” — Jason Feifer (20:15)
• On great email intros:
  • “There is an incredibly fine art and a really wonderful opportunity in the introduction email... It's a really great opportunity to tell the people who you like that you like them.” — Jason Feifer (33:27)
• The episode's final advice:
  • “But don't fuck it up.” — Nicole Lapin (34:46)

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Key Timestamps

• The “Billy” unwanted introduction story: 04:47–06:41
• How Nicole used to mess up intros: 08:55–09:04
• Best practices for requesting & making intros: 13:08–16:31
• The trust battery metaphor: 19:11–21:45
• Gatekeeping and why declining is okay: 23:12–25:19
• Crafting meaningful intro emails: 31:48–34:16
• Episode wrap-up, key takeaways: 34:16–34:56

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Episode Tone

Candid, banter-filled, and practical with self-deprecating humor. Jason and Nicole mix personal vulnerability, practical etiquette, and tough love, making even business boundaries sound approachable—and occasionally hilarious.

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Listen If You Want To

• Avoid awkward or damaging introductions (and know how to say no)
• Master the modern etiquette of professional networking
• Protect your relationships while expanding your and others’ opportunities
• Learn the fine art of being helpful without losing your mind (or your trust battery)

Transcript

[Jason Pfeiffer]

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[Nicole Lapin]

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[Jason Pfeiffer]

This is Help Wanted, the show that makes your work work for you. I'm Jason Pfeiffer, editor in chief of

[Nicole Lapin]

Entrepreneur magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin. On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the helpline and help callers solve their work problems.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

And on Thursdays, I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.

[Nicole Lapin]

And it starts now.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Okay, Nicole, I got the weirdest introduction through LinkedIn DM I think I've ever gotten. Can I read it to you?

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah. You get the weirdest stuff.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

The weirdest. But this is next level weird.

[Nicole Lapin]

Can't wait.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

All right, so this is from. I'm going to make up a name. This is from Billy. And Billy says this is word for word. Just reading this from the DM. Friday at 4pm, exclamation mark. Enjoy the weekend. Exclamation mark. So this is. Billy is sending this at Friday at 4pm he's acknowledging that. Not a time I think that you ever want to be receiving LinkedIn DMs or anything anyway. But come Monday, I hope you can see this as I make an intro for. Let's just make up a name here for Susie. But come Monday, I hope you can see this as I make an intro for Susie to you, Jason. Susie and I recently connected and she's out getting to know others in the space. She's a freshman in college. This is where I feel like it really turns. She's a freshman in college. And I hope you two can have a good conversation that's mutually beneficial. I'm the middleman here, so I'll let you guys connect from here. Exclamation mark. Okay, so pop quiz. Do you think I know Billy, the person who is sending this email or dm?

[Nicole Lapin]

I sure as hell hope so.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

That would at least make this make more sense. The answer is Billy is a total stranger. I went back to make sure I didn't forget him from something. I checked my emails, I checked my LinkedIn DM history, I checked my Instagram DM history. I do not know this man. I've never heard from him before. He comes out of absolute nowhere and the thing that he wants is to make this very cheery introduction. And he is, I should, I should add a grown ass professional man to make this introduction to a college freshman. What?

[Nicole Lapin]

He might be a grown ass man. I'm not sure if he's a professional man considering this is how he conducts his professional business. Yeah, I have a thousand questions about this. The first one was did you know Billy? Also the what are you going to have a mutually beneficial conversation with a freshman in college about?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

That's a very good question. I, I can't even begin to think. This is not to say that there isn't value in knowing freshman in college. Bless you all as you begin your journey. But, but I don't usually get connected to freshman girls in college and I'm not sure that it's a pipeline that I want.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah, no you don't.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

But the reason we're talking about this is because today, Nicole, I want to talk about the right way to make an introduction. And what's the right way to not make an introduction. Which is sometimes it's true because these are hard things and people are asked to make intros all the time. I am asked to make intros all the time and I'm also introduced to weirdly people and sometimes I want to make the intro and sometimes I don't and I don't always know. And I think that Billy here is a great example of what definitely not to do with an intro. But the weird thing that he did that I really don't like. This is my first. No, no. On intros. He didn't even ask. He Just made an intro. He came out of absolutely nowhere and just brought two people together. And I will tell you, I strangely, am the recipient of this kind of introduction. It's usually not to college freshman girls. It is usually to professionals, older people. But I'll just get an email out of nowhere from someone who generally I don't even know that. Well, I was just talking to this person and I feel like you guys should know each other. And I never know what to do with that because I didn't ask for it and I don't know how to engage with it and I don't know the context for why I'm being connected. Right. Like the weird thing that Billy said about. About how we have some mutual benefit. What? What is it? What is it? Why should I invest my time? I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to make intros and how not to make intros perfectly. I don't know that anyone does. That's what we're discussing today.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah, I mean, I've messed this up so many times in my career. I would do these blind intros before I realized that there was etiquette around this.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, so you were doing the thing that I just said you shouldn't do,

[Nicole Lapin]

like more than a decade ago, for sure. But I do think that there are some people that you don't need to ask permission for. It's not like a favor. So talking to a freshman in college or like that type of thing, definitely, let's be clear, requires pre authorization. Requires permission. Right, because that's like fully a favor of, you know, being a mentor. And like the person that's asking for that should really understand that that's a big favor and you need to get the buy in if somebody was going to introduce you to Mark Cuban or Barack Obama or I don't know, like the editor in chief of Forbes or whatever. Like, I don't know. I think that there is a threshold of people that don't require pre authorization. Like, if you don't need to introduce that person, then you're fine to send that intro. But there's a huge area in between that requires pre authorization for sure. And you should give the other person a heads up and ask them, hey, is it cool? A little bit of context. There's a ton to talk about and unpack about this. But like, when you're asking somebody for an intro, then you're giving that person more work because they're then going to have to go and talk to that person, find Them, tell them about the spiel, and then introduce you guys. We don't have time to do that all day every day, so I think the whole thing is fraught with landmines.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Agree. All right, let's take it in. It in two different parts. How to make the intro. How to not make the intro, which is to say how to decline when someone asks you if you will introduce them to somebody.

[Nicole Lapin]

Oh, you know what? Hey, I actually got one, like, an hour ago.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Like an intro.

[Nicole Lapin]

Well, a request for an intro.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Nicole Lapin]

I get a text from a guy I'm friendly with, and he sends a screenshot of him talking to. Let's just call her Barbara.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Is she a freshman in college?

[Nicole Lapin]

She's not a freshman in college.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Just. Just confirming.

[Nicole Lapin]

And she says, hey to my friend. How are you? I'm starting up my next season of my rebranded podcast, and I'm curious, are you still friendly with Nicole Lapin? If so, I'd love to chat money and toxic living on my show. Would you be able to introduce me to her via email or text? You know, heart Barbara. So he writes to me, he sends me the screenshot, and he says, let me know if you'd like an intro. Hope you're well now. That was cool. It was like, you know, sending the screenshot. Just be aware that, like, your request might be screenshotted to the person you're asking to be introduced to. I would say I don't have the last name or the show of this person, so I might respond to my friend and be like, barbara who? Like, what's the show?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, your friend didn't give you any context for who this person is?

[Nicole Lapin]

No, he just sent me the screenshot and was like, hey, do you want an intro? Which, by the way, is the right thing to do versus sending me the intro to this person completely blindly. So I'll say. I'll likely say, hey, how are you? Also, like, we're not homies, so we have to, like, now catch up a little bit, which, you know, is another cognitive load. So I'll say, hey, what's up? Whatever. Who is this person? Like, what's their show? What's the scoop? And you know what? Like, the truth is, like, I'm going to assess that. And so I'm going to say, like, right now, I am slammed to the max, and my bandwidth is super, super, extraordinarily low. It's always low ish, but it's just, like, really, really tight right now. So if this person is not in a big show, I'm probably going to be an asshole and just say, like, hey, I'm not doing these other shows so much for, like thinking of me or whatever. I'm going to pass. But that also makes it a little bit weird. But, you know, I'm old now.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

And boundaries, I think boundaries are beautiful things. I was taking notes as you were reading all that because I have so much to say. All right, so let's talk about this intro to Barbara. The thing that your friend did that I fully approve of was, as you noted, asking you, asking you, instead of making the intro beautiful. Chef's kiss. All right, where it could have been better. Number one, didn't fully explain who this person is. Major Ms. That doesn't make any sense. Do you want an intro to a random stranger? I don't know. So that person, your friend, should have explained who Barbara is. I think also, and this is something I always do in my asks, whether or not there should be an intro is I explain the value as I see it. So I will editorialize, I will say this person is asking for an intro to you. I think it could be useful to talk to them about XYZ thing, but also any downsides to it. I'm just really forthright about it. The reason I like that is because ultimately I think an intro is about respecting both people's time. It's about respecting the time of the person who's asking for the intro because you don't want to string them along and whatever you want to get an answer. But then it's also about respecting the time of the person who you're reaching out to. So if I'm going to make a connection, I either want to know this is going to be a great connection for that person and really endorse it, or I want to give them the pros and cons and let them decide so that if they feel like it ultimately wasn't a useful introduction, it doesn't take away my social capital with them because I was upfront. I gave them the decision about what to do based on what I see the pros and cons to be. So that's why I do that. And then here's two other things. Number one, so your friend screenshotted the request for intro and sent it to you. And you were right that you should be aware that that might be a thing that somebody does. I think best practice if somebody wants an introduction. I always, not always, but I often will ask people to do this. Let's say somebody wanted an intro to you. I Will say to them, like, write the spiel. Yeah, can you write the spiel like, you email me a thing for me to forward to Nicole? But that's good, because then also they can make the case for themselves, and then it lives or dies on what they said. And then. And then finally for you, for. And this, I guess, gets us a little bit into how to say no, but not quite, but it's sort of maybe halfway. There is if you don't want to do it or you don't have the time. Now, something that I have often done because I get those kinds of requests all the time, is, I will say, really appreciate that. Super swamped right now. Just don't have the bandwidth. Tell them to check back in six months, and then you will find out how important this is to them. Is this something that they're just dashing off? Do they want to talk to Nicole and also every other podcaster out there, or do they really want to talk to Nicole? Because in six months, you will find out a small percentage of the people who you say check back in six months will actually come back. And I generally say yes to those people because they really wanted it.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah. I mean, this adds a whole other layer of complexity now that I'm looking at this because, like, this guy who's an entrepreneur and, you know, I've known for a while, but I'm generally not great. I have 248 unread texts.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Lapin]

So.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, I'm honored. You ever text me back.

[Nicole Lapin]

You should be. He wrote me on September 10th and invited me to a founder's dinner. And then on September 15th to some venture or something. Something. And then on December 12th, some holiday something. And then on January 5th, Happy New Year. Okay, I didn't respond to any of these texts because I'm an asshole. And so today, this. Will you talk to this woman? Comes through. And so I. I don't know. So now I'm like, oh, sorry I didn't get back to you. Also, who is this woman? Also, I should figure out how to read my text and not be a butthead.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

I would strongly recommend that. Yeah, yeah. If anything, you should take from this conversation that you should read your texts. Maybe there's something good in there. I don't think it's the intro to Barbara, but I do now think that your friend, who is amazing to even still call a friend, considering he never hears back from you, should have probably found some means to engage with you before asking this.

[Nicole Lapin]

I mean, to be fair to him, he, for sure tried. He also, you know, there's this other layer of gatekeeping before the intro where you kind of, you know, have to sometimes say, like, I think that person is slammed or, you know, going through IVF or like, has some other shit going on and like, might not be the right timing for it. And so I think like, there's the gatekeeping where you also have to have the wherewithal because. Let's step back. Contacts are your biggest currency in business.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yes.

[Nicole Lapin]

I don't fucking care where you went to school. I don't know where a majority of people I've hired went to school. I couldn't possibly care your contacts. And I quickly realized this. As much as I mucked up these introductions where I would just, you know, introduce people, I thought it was goodwill. I thought it was the right thing to do. And I didn't understand how valuable my. I know people say Rolodex all the time. Nobody fucking has a Rolodex. Like, your contact list is, is your most valuable currency, your relationships most valuable currency. And it's really, really important to protect it on both sides, on who you're introducing and who wants to be introduced. And it's, it's not as like innocuous as people think.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

No. I'll tell you something that I just did with a friend and an intro because I am so mindful of that. So I have a friend who I'll just call Dave, who wants to meet a friend of mine who I'll call Kim because they think there's possibly some work to do together. So I texted Kim and I said, hey, you know, I just, I did the thing that I told you doing, which is, do you want to talk to Dave? Here's what Dave's interested in. I really like Dave. I don't know that this is the right opportunity for you, but I do think that you guys would have a good conversation. Kim texted me back. I'm just going to read straight from it. She says, so sweet. Thanks for thinking of me. I always have the utmost faith in you. So if you think I should talk to him, that I'm totally there, which I really appreciate, but also makes me really think about how important it is to respect that faith that I have built in people. And so instead of just saying, yes, you should talk to him. What I did this morning when I was walking back from dropping my kids off at school and is I recorded a 10 minute voice memo to Kim that I sent her explaining like the whole thing, like what Dave is doing and what I know about it and where I think she might find it interesting and where I think she might not find it interesting. And like I'm leaving it to her. And I haven't heard back yet because who has time to listen to a 10 minute voice memo for me? But at some point I presume I will. And that is, that is me like doubling down on the faith that she has in me. I never ever want to violate that someone, I don't know who it was. Came up with this great visual metaphor of the trust battery, which is pretty easy to understand, right? Like how charged do you want your trust battery to be from different people and from whoever you're interacting with, from the network, from your industry, whatever. And I think that people have different answers to that if they're being really honest. Really. Like some people are willing to be pretty aggressive and maybe they're okay with a lower trust battery because they know that with enough aggressiveness they'll get the things that they want. My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery. Like I, I, if I'm at 98%, that is too low for me. And so I want to always engage with my network in a way in which they feel in control. And where even if at this point Kim gets on the phone with Dave and feels like, ah, this isn't quite right for me, the trust battery remains high because I put in so much effort to make sure that she understood what she was getting into.

[Nicole Lapin]

Yeah, I mean, oh gosh, you just brought up so many things. I'm not shy about asking for intros, but like, also you have shit to do. You, you don't want to be introducing me all day long. So like there's that currency, right? And then the currency that you have with the other person, right? So like some people will, you know, because your trust battery is always full, then people care about those intros. So like, do you gatekeep and say to some people, no, that probably doesn't make sense. Do you stop it?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

I've stopped it with you not coming that way, not you asking for an intro, people asking for an intro to you.

[Nicole Lapin]

Tell me more.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Stick around. Help Wanted. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Help Wanted. Let's get to it. People will ask for an intro to you and there are usually people I don't know that well, but maybe it's some kind of professional acquaintance and the thing that they want from you is just something I know you're not going to be interested in. You don't have the time for it or whatever. I'll just tell them. I was like, I would love to, but, you know, I know Nicole is just, like, incredibly busy right now, and, you know, something, something, something. And also, she doesn't usually do this kind of thing or, like, you know, she's taking a pause on doing whatever, and. And that's it. And I don't even tell you about it. I just move along. But, yeah, no, I totally do that.

[Nicole Lapin]

Thanks for that.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

You're welcome.

[Nicole Lapin]

But let's double click on that. Like, why do you do that?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

First of all, I'm making an assessment about where the valuable relationship is. I know, I know because of our level of trust, you and me, that if I make an intro to somebody, you are going to take it. Like, if. If I reach out, if I even reach out to you and say, will you talk to this person? You are almost certainly going to say yes. I know it. Right, because you're. Because you're going to feel bad and because I've made enough interest for you. And you'll just do it. You will. And so I don't want you to be in the position of having to say yes to something that's not going to be valuable to you.

[Nicole Lapin]

Thanks, Jason. Back at you.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

You're welcome. I also don't want to diminish the connection, whatever it is. It's. It's almost certainly a smaller and less significant connection that I have with whoever it is that's asking me for the intro, because let's just say that someone. Let's just say that, you know, I. I have some professional acquaintance. I know them a little bit. They're nice. I'd like to help them where I can. And they ask for an intro to you and the thing that they want, I just know you are not going to want it to do. Do. Well, look, one of two things is going to happen if I make that intro. Either you are going to do a thing that you don't want to do as a favor for me, and that's not a favor that I want to call in, or you are going to say no to that person, and that person's not going to have a good experience being introduced to you. Like, it doesn't work either way, so you have to game it out in both directions. And when I game it out, I think the more respectful thing for you is to not get the introduction. And the more respectful thing for that other person is also not to get the introduction because it's better instead to just be told no. And the thing Is I think people often are afraid to say no. People like no people appreciate no. No is a direct answer. The thing people hate is indirect answers or no answer. So a like, oh, you know what? I, I totally hear you. Nicole is just super busy. I know she's not going to be able to do this much as maybe she would enjoy it. That's a fine answer for people. People are not offended by that. So that's the answer I'd rather give.

[Nicole Lapin]

I love that. Thank you for asking me. I probably have some requests to be introduced to you in my text messages. I just haven't read them yet.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Well, it's okay because you'll never get to them.

[Nicole Lapin]

I'm gatekeeping in my own way. But it's important to realize that there's high stakes on both sides on the ask for the intro and for the ask to be intro. So like when you ask somebody, you're putting them in the middle of two relationships. And the, the best way to do this is to understand the entire playing field because that's, I think, how you create long term business people who want to work with and for you. And, and it's so much trickier than just like, hey, can you, can you introduce somebody to me? Because now you're, now you're getting into a bunch of dynamics that you should take a moment to think about. Otherwise it will backfire and be worse than never having the introduction in the first place.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Absolutely. So, okay, we've really transitioned ourselves into the how to not make the intro, but just to put a button on it. The thing that I do is acknowledge the person and their interest. I think that's the really important thing. I always go back to the number one thing that people want is to feel heard. And if somebody's making an intro, the thing that they, you know, look, they'd rather get the intro, but if they can't get it, then at least what they should get is some acknowledgement that they are a person that you take seriously who you've considered unless you don't freaking know them.

[Nicole Lapin]

Like Billy.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, Billy. I didn't respond to. Because that's ridiculous. Billy got no response from me and he never will unless he listens to this, in which case, hello, not Billy. Maybe stop introducing random strangers to freshman girls. But no, it's true. If somebody comes out of absolutely nowhere with an intro, then I, I don't engage because I don't know what I'm stepping into. But otherwise I will respond with some effort. That's just, that's the Important thing either. I hear you. Here's why that intro doesn't make sense. I know. I know that that person is super busy right now. I know that person just whatever they did, you know, like, I'm thinking about, like, times where I've said no to things. I know that person just released a book and they're, like, super swamped and they're not going to have time for this right now. I know that person just had a baby. I know that. Just whatever the hell it is. Right. I oftentimes, this is a smart strategy. Steal it. If somebody asks for an intro and then you do the thing that you should do, which is go and ask the other person if they want the intro. Do not tell the person who asked for the intro that you are doing that, because now they're waiting and they know something's happening. Instead, just do it on the back end. And then once you have the answer, you can come back with whatever it is that you. Yeah, whatever you need to come back with. And massage it. Look, a no is better than nothing. A no with an explanation is much better than a no. And so coming back with some insight about why the introduction doesn't work, sometimes I'll say, I've said this. I've said, you know, I think you are great. I think that other person is great. I know from knowing you that the value doesn't align here, that if you guys talk, it's actually just going to be a waste of everybody's time. So it's just not the right move. At least not right now. Sometimes it's later. Sometimes it's like, you know what? You should actually refine this thing or grow this thing or, you know, I know that Nicole really. Because she. Because her time is so strained, she has a rule for herself where she only go. And I. This is not something you've ever said to me, but I'll, like, make stuff up like this. She has a rule for herself where she only goes on podcasts that have been around for at least a year and have established some kind of audience because she just doesn't have the time of the day. She'd love to do all of them, but she doesn't have the time of the day. Like, I'll make up rules that people have that they don't really have. I think that's a fine thing because, you know, how can you argue with the rule? I make up rules that I don't. That I have, that I don't really have. When people ask things for me, it's like it's a good strategy. And again, it's like it's not you. It's the thing or like you've been heard and it just isn't right. And I've. I've never found someone be that's really cool and that's.

[Nicole Lapin]

It's cool that you protect your people that way. And it's like, you know, you've put out fires I didn't even know started or. Yeah, just like, I think it's a, It's a very thoughtful, respectful, generous thing to do. You're so generous with your time. You're also so generous with the way you offer some advice to people. Like if they're going about something and you don't think it's right, like, that takes. That's a real cognitive load on you. Like for somebody who also doesn't have the bandwidth to do it, it just shows like, it underscores how important these intros are because it's, it's a reflection on everybody and it's the most important currency. Okay, so let's play this out. I got a request to be intro to you. I ask you, hey, Jason, like, is this somebody you want to talk to? You say, sure, this sounds great. I am gonna put them on the COVID because everybody wants to be on the COVID I actually have. You know what? I have done this without you knowing of just telling people, like, no, you're not gonna be in the COVID of Entrepreneur magazine.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

I appreciate that.

[Nicole Lapin]

Okay, so let's say somebody asks, and I think it's like potentially good for you, but not sure. So I say, hey, Jason, here's the story. Here's my 10 minute voice memo explaining it, and you say, sure, Nicole, that sounds great. Okay, what's the next step? I then email the person that's asking to talk to you and you together. And I say, like, as discussed with both of you.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Yes.

[Nicole Lapin]

And then that's when it comes to light that permission was asked. You don't tell the person that you asked permission, but once permission was granted, you kind of say, like, as discussed with both of you, here's the intro.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

So this is an interesting point that you bring up because I don't know how many people think about this, but I have started to think about it. There is a incredibly fine art and a really wonderful opportunity in the introduction email. Yes, like what you described there is exactly the process. Well, first of all, I tell the person, nicole would love to talk. I'm going to send an intro email. So I tell them that and Then the intro email goes out to you and the person. And here is where I think some people really shine. And it's worth spending a moment thinking about this. What you could do is you could be like, you know, Nicole, Sam, I've brought you together, discuss, you know, or like, whatever and like, leave. But that's boring. What is really wonderful, and I have found this because people have done this for me. Like when they're introducing me to someone, they write this lovely email. It doesn't have to be long, but where they just give a few sentences about each person. Where it's like, you know, Nicole and Sam. Nicole, one of my favorite people, a total genius about blah, blah, blah, who, you know, something, something, something, something, Sam. And you just like write a really nice little thing and then you send it off. It's a really great opportunity to tell the people who you like that you like them. Which you don't usually actually have those kinds of opportunities and moments. You usually are complimenting someone when you're talking about them and you're rarely talking about someone to them. But the intro email is actually an opportunity to do that. And I have been so touched by some of the things that people have written about me in intro emails and that I thought now a lot about how to replicate that in others. So I would say that is something to really, really think about and an opportunity to seize.

[Nicole Lapin]

You articulated what I think I've just naturally done, but it's really nice to see, like, oh, you know, superlative, superlative, like favorite person, genius. La, la, la, la, la. You will really feel that way about that person. So it gives an opportunity to acknowledge them and their awesomeness and the other person's awesomeness. And there's just like good juju all around. So I think when it's done right, it's good for everybody. And you also, you know, like, let's be real about all of this stuff, like, you're going to get points or whatever, more charging in your battery for doing a good thing all around.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

That's right. That's right. Every moment of the request and the processing and perhaps fulfillment of an introduction is an opportunity to do right by all parties. And you can either use that or you can squander it. And how you handle that is probably going to decide whether or not people want to introduce you to other people in the future. And you want them to introduce you to the right people.

[Nicole Lapin]

But don't fuck it up.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Don't fuck it up. And Nicole, respond to your texts. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason

[Nicole Lapin]

Pfeiffer, and me, Nicole Lapin.

Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoie. Do you want some help? Email our [e-mail] for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show. And follow us on Instagramoneynews and TikTok onneynewsnetwork for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, I didn't sign up for that.

[Nicole Lapin]

Alright, well, talk to you soon, Sam.