wavePod

Get Wave AI

The Best (and Worst!) Way To Ask For an Intro - Help Wanted | Wave AI Podcast Notes

Back to Help Wanted

The Best (and Worst!) Way To Ask For an Intro

Help Wanted

Tue Mar 31 2026

Summary

Help Wanted — "The Best (and Worst!) Way To Ask For an Intro"
March 31, 2026 | Hosted by Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin

Episode Overview

This episode takes listeners deep into the nuanced, often awkward world of professional introductions—how to ask for them, how to make them, and crucially, how to decline or gatekeep them. Entrepreneur editor in chief Jason Feifer and money expert Nicole Lapin share personal stories, vent frustrations, and offer a practical etiquette guide for the delicate art of connecting people in your professional life. Their frank, conversational approach is packed with actionable tips and real-world experience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction Gone Awry: The "Billy" Example

Jason shares a bizarre LinkedIn DM (04:47–06:41) from a stranger—“Billy”—who enthusiastically introduces Jason to a college freshman (let’s call her Susie) without context or permission.
- Notable Quote:
  Jason Feifer (06:08): “Billy is a total stranger. I went back to make sure I didn't forget him from something... He comes out of absolute nowhere and the thing that he wants is to make this very cheery introduction... to a college freshman. What?”
Lesson: Never make unsolicited, blind introductions—especially when lacking existing relationships and context.

2. What Makes a Bad Introduction?

Critical Mistakes:
- Making introductions without prior consent.
- Failing to offer clear context or value for the connection.
- Assuming “mutual benefit” where it’s tenuous or non-existent.
- Not respecting the seniority, bandwidth, or preference of either party.
Nicole admits she used to make this mistake (08:55–09:04) and stresses the need for permission, especially when the intro is a big favor, e.g., to a senior professional or when large asks are involved.

3. The Right Way to Request & Make Introductions

Always ask for pre-authorization.
- Nicole Lapin (09:07): “...there are some people that you don't need to ask permission for. It's not like a favor... But there's a huge area in between that requires pre-authorization for sure. And you should give the other person a heads up...”
Provide context and explain value.
- Example Approach: Explain who the person is, their relevance or value, and let the recipient make an informed choice.
- Jason’s method: Editorializes and outlines pros/cons so both parties' time is respected.
  (13:08) “If I'm going to make a connection, I either want to know this is going to be a great connection... or I want to give [the recipient] the pros and cons and let them decide...”
Best practice: Ask the requestor to “write the spiel” for the intro (their own pitch), making it simple for the connector to forward.
- Jason Feifer (14:38): “...I'll ask people to do this. Let's say somebody wanted an intro to you. I will say to them, like, write the spiel. Email me a thing for me to forward...”

4. How to Gracefully Decline or Gatekeep Introductions

Assess whether connecting benefits both parties or risks depleting social capital.
Communicate with honesty and empathy (“Thank you, but X is really swamped/not a fit right now. Feel free to circle back in X months”).
- Testing true interest: Suggesting a delay weeds out less serious requests.
  Jason Feifer (15:48): “Tell them to check back in six months... In six months, you will find out a small percentage ... actually come back... I generally say yes to those people because they really wanted it.”
Sometimes, inventing “rules” to explain a no is effective and protects all sides.
- Jason Feifer (28:02): “This is not something you’ve ever said to me, but I’ll, like, make stuff up... Like, [Nicole] has a rule for herself where she only goes on podcasts that have been around for at least a year... It’s a good strategy.”
The importance of gatekeeping:
- Nicole Lapin (18:27): “Your contact list is your most valuable currency... it's really, really important to protect it on both sides, on who you're introducing and who wants to be introduced.”

5. Protecting Relationships: The “Trust Battery”

Jason discusses the metaphor of the “trust battery” (19:11–21:45) — maintaining high trust with close contacts by being thoughtful and transparent before making intros.
- Notable Quote:
  Jason Feifer (20:15): “My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery... so I want to always engage with my network in a way in which they feel in control.”
Go the extra mile for trusted relationships, like sending a detailed voice memo outlining your thoughts and letting the recipient decide.

6. The Art of the Introduction Email

Use the intro email not just to connect, but to celebrate both people and strengthen relationships.
- Jason Feifer (33:27): “There is an incredibly fine art and a really wonderful opportunity in the introduction email... Give a few sentences about each person... It’s a really great opportunity to tell the people who you like that you like them.”
- Nicole Lapin (33:38): “You will really feel that way about that person. So it gives an opportunity to acknowledge them and their awesomeness and the other person's awesomeness.”

7. Final Takeaways and Practical Guidelines

Acknowledge all requests; people mostly want to feel heard—even when the answer is no.
For high-quality, low-awkwardness intros:
- Always get permission
- Offer clear context and value
- Respect everyone’s time and relationships
- Be kind and generous in the intro message itself
- Gatekeep to protect your and others' networks
- Don’t be afraid to say “no,” and do so with a reason, not avoidance.

Nicole sums it up bluntly:
(34:46): “But don't fuck it up.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On unsolicited intros:
- “Billy is a total stranger... He comes out of absolute nowhere and the thing that he wants is to make this very cheery introduction... to a college freshman. What?” — Jason Feifer (06:08)
On contact lists as currency:
- “Your contact list is your most valuable currency, your relationships most valuable currency. And it's really, really important to protect it on both sides...” — Nicole Lapin (18:27)
On trust battery:
- “My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery... If I'm at 98%, that is too low for me.” — Jason Feifer (20:15)
On great email intros:
- “There is an incredibly fine art and a really wonderful opportunity in the introduction email... It's a really great opportunity to tell the people who you like that you like them.” — Jason Feifer (33:27)
The episode's final advice:
- “But don't fuck it up.” — Nicole Lapin (34:46)

Key Timestamps

The “Billy” unwanted introduction story: 04:47–06:41
How Nicole used to mess up intros: 08:55–09:04
Best practices for requesting & making intros: 13:08–16:31
The trust battery metaphor: 19:11–21:45
Gatekeeping and why declining is okay: 23:12–25:19
Crafting meaningful intro emails: 31:48–34:16
Episode wrap-up, key takeaways: 34:16–34:56

Episode Tone

Candid, banter-filled, and practical with self-deprecating humor. Jason and Nicole mix personal vulnerability, practical etiquette, and tough love, making even business boundaries sound approachable—and occasionally hilarious.

Listen If You Want To

Avoid awkward or damaging introductions (and know how to say no)
Master the modern etiquette of professional networking
Protect your relationships while expanding your and others’ opportunities
Learn the fine art of being helpful without losing your mind (or your trust battery)

Loading summary...

Transcript

Jason Pfeiffer (0:00)

I started my business as a sole proprietorship and at the time that made sense.

Jason Pfeiffer (0:05)

I was just trying to get moving.

Jason Pfeiffer (0:06)

But looking back I realized if I had known what I know now, I probably would have structured it as an S corp at the start. Instead I had to switch later, which was a pain. And you know that is true of many things. There are small decisions that we would have approached differently if only we had known. But you don't have to learn from your mistakes like I did. You can do it right the first time under the guidance of of today's sponsor, Northwest Registered Agent has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They are the largest registered agent and LLC service in the US with over 1500 corporate guides who are real people who know your local laws and can help you and your business every step of the way. Northwest gives you access to thousands of free guides, tools and attorney drafted documents to help you run your business with with confidence. No upsells, no selling your data. Northwest makes life easy for business owners. They don't just help you form your business, they give you all the free tools that you need after you form like operating agreements, meeting minutes and thousands of guides that explain all the ins and outs of running a business. Don't pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for what you can get from Northwest for free. Visit northwestregisteredagent.com help wanted free and start using free resources to build something amazing. Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at. Again, here's the website northwestregisteredagent.com help wanted

Nicole Lapin (1:47)

free we've had some big wins at my company this year. The kind of wins that mean it's time to expand. Bringing new people onto the team isn't something I take lightly. These people are going to help shape the content that goes out into the world with my brand and my name attached to it. So when I'm hiring, I need to make sure my job listing lands in front of the best possible people. Not just good, the best. Which means this is a job for Indeed. Sponsored Jobs. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Less stress, less time, more results. When you need the right person to cut through the chaos, this is a job for Indeed. Sponsored Jobs and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to help get your job the premium status it deserves@ Indeed.com podcast just go to Indeed.com podcast right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com podcast terms and conditions apply. This isn't your job. This is a job for indeed sponsored jobs. If you've listened to this show for any amount of time, you know that my favorite form of cardio is negotiation. Whenever someone gives me a price, my first instinct is to try to talk them into a lower one. And you would be amazed how often it works. But I understand that there are people who would rather run five miles than negotiate a bill. If that's you, then you need to know about today's sponsor, Experian. You could save money by letting Experian negotiate the rates on your bills. They'll keep an eye out for new deals and savings opportunities and will negotiate directly with your provider on your behalf. But that's not the only pain point they've solved. If you hate going through your accounts to see what subscriptions are still active, don't worry. Experian can take the pain out of canceling subscriptions by handling it for you. Just keep the ones you want and put money back in your pocket. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. Here's the best part. You keep 100% of your savings. Get started with the Experian app. Now. Results will vary. Not all bills or subscriptions eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.

Jason Pfeiffer (13:08)

And boundaries, I think boundaries are beautiful things. I was taking notes as you were reading all that because I have so much to say. All right, so let's talk about this intro to Barbara. The thing that your friend did that I fully approve of was, as you noted, asking you, asking you, instead of making the intro beautiful. Chef's kiss. All right, where it could have been better. Number one, didn't fully explain who this person is. Major Ms. That doesn't make any sense. Do you want an intro to a random stranger? I don't know. So that person, your friend, should have explained who Barbara is. I think also, and this is something I always do in my asks, whether or not there should be an intro is I explain the value as I see it. So I will editorialize, I will say this person is asking for an intro to you. I think it could be useful to talk to them about XYZ thing, but also any downsides to it. I'm just really forthright about it. The reason I like that is because ultimately I think an intro is about respecting both people's time. It's about respecting the time of the person who's asking for the intro because you don't want to string them along and whatever you want to get an answer. But then it's also about respecting the time of the person who you're reaching out to. So if I'm going to make a connection, I either want to know this is going to be a great connection for that person and really endorse it, or I want to give them the pros and cons and let them decide so that if they feel like it ultimately wasn't a useful introduction, it doesn't take away my social capital with them because I was upfront. I gave them the decision about what to do based on what I see the pros and cons to be. So that's why I do that. And then here's two other things. Number one, so your friend screenshotted the request for intro and sent it to you. And you were right that you should be aware that that might be a thing that somebody does. I think best practice if somebody wants an introduction. I always, not always, but I often will ask people to do this. Let's say somebody wanted an intro to you. I Will say to them, like, write the spiel. Yeah, can you write the spiel like, you email me a thing for me to forward to Nicole? But that's good, because then also they can make the case for themselves, and then it lives or dies on what they said. And then. And then finally for you, for. And this, I guess, gets us a little bit into how to say no, but not quite, but it's sort of maybe halfway. There is if you don't want to do it or you don't have the time. Now, something that I have often done because I get those kinds of requests all the time, is, I will say, really appreciate that. Super swamped right now. Just don't have the bandwidth. Tell them to check back in six months, and then you will find out how important this is to them. Is this something that they're just dashing off? Do they want to talk to Nicole and also every other podcaster out there, or do they really want to talk to Nicole? Because in six months, you will find out a small percentage of the people who you say check back in six months will actually come back. And I generally say yes to those people because they really wanted it.

Jason Pfeiffer (19:11)

No. I'll tell you something that I just did with a friend and an intro because I am so mindful of that. So I have a friend who I'll just call Dave, who wants to meet a friend of mine who I'll call Kim because they think there's possibly some work to do together. So I texted Kim and I said, hey, you know, I just, I did the thing that I told you doing, which is, do you want to talk to Dave? Here's what Dave's interested in. I really like Dave. I don't know that this is the right opportunity for you, but I do think that you guys would have a good conversation. Kim texted me back. I'm just going to read straight from it. She says, so sweet. Thanks for thinking of me. I always have the utmost faith in you. So if you think I should talk to him, that I'm totally there, which I really appreciate, but also makes me really think about how important it is to respect that faith that I have built in people. And so instead of just saying, yes, you should talk to him. What I did this morning when I was walking back from dropping my kids off at school and is I recorded a 10 minute voice memo to Kim that I sent her explaining like the whole thing, like what Dave is doing and what I know about it and where I think she might find it interesting and where I think she might not find it interesting. And like I'm leaving it to her. And I haven't heard back yet because who has time to listen to a 10 minute voice memo for me? But at some point I presume I will. And that is, that is me like doubling down on the faith that she has in me. I never ever want to violate that someone, I don't know who it was. Came up with this great visual metaphor of the trust battery, which is pretty easy to understand, right? Like how charged do you want your trust battery to be from different people and from whoever you're interacting with, from the network, from your industry, whatever. And I think that people have different answers to that if they're being really honest. Really. Like some people are willing to be pretty aggressive and maybe they're okay with a lower trust battery because they know that with enough aggressiveness they'll get the things that they want. My instinct is always to have like a fully charged trust battery. Like I, I, if I'm at 98%, that is too low for me. And so I want to always engage with my network in a way in which they feel in control. And where even if at this point Kim gets on the phone with Dave and feels like, ah, this isn't quite right for me, the trust battery remains high because I put in so much effort to make sure that she understood what she was getting into.

Jason Pfeiffer (27:12)

Oh, Billy. I didn't respond to. Because that's ridiculous. Billy got no response from me and he never will unless he listens to this, in which case, hello, not Billy. Maybe stop introducing random strangers to freshman girls. But no, it's true. If somebody comes out of absolutely nowhere with an intro, then I, I don't engage because I don't know what I'm stepping into. But otherwise I will respond with some effort. That's just, that's the Important thing either. I hear you. Here's why that intro doesn't make sense. I know. I know that that person is super busy right now. I know that person just whatever they did, you know, like, I'm thinking about, like, times where I've said no to things. I know that person just released a book and they're, like, super swamped and they're not going to have time for this right now. I know that person just had a baby. I know that. Just whatever the hell it is. Right. I oftentimes, this is a smart strategy. Steal it. If somebody asks for an intro and then you do the thing that you should do, which is go and ask the other person if they want the intro. Do not tell the person who asked for the intro that you are doing that, because now they're waiting and they know something's happening. Instead, just do it on the back end. And then once you have the answer, you can come back with whatever it is that you. Yeah, whatever you need to come back with. And massage it. Look, a no is better than nothing. A no with an explanation is much better than a no. And so coming back with some insight about why the introduction doesn't work, sometimes I'll say, I've said this. I've said, you know, I think you are great. I think that other person is great. I know from knowing you that the value doesn't align here, that if you guys talk, it's actually just going to be a waste of everybody's time. So it's just not the right move. At least not right now. Sometimes it's later. Sometimes it's like, you know what? You should actually refine this thing or grow this thing or, you know, I know that Nicole really. Because she. Because her time is so strained, she has a rule for herself where she only go. And I. This is not something you've ever said to me, but I'll, like, make stuff up like this. She has a rule for herself where she only goes on podcasts that have been around for at least a year and have established some kind of audience because she just doesn't have the time of the day. She'd love to do all of them, but she doesn't have the time of the day. Like, I'll make up rules that people have that they don't really have. I think that's a fine thing because, you know, how can you argue with the rule? I make up rules that I don't. That I have, that I don't really have. When people ask things for me, it's like it's a good strategy. And again, it's like it's not you. It's the thing or like you've been heard and it just isn't right. And I've. I've never found someone be that's really cool and that's.