They’re Not Better Than You

Summary

Help Wanted Podcast Episode Summary: "They’re Not Better Than You"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Help Wanted
• Host/Author: Money News Network
• Description: Do you have a work problem? We have solutions. On Help Wanted, Entrepreneur editor in chief Jason Feifer and money expert Nicole Lapin help you stay ahead of the curve and make money doing what you love — no matter if you’re trying to impress your boss, or if you ARE the boss.
• Episode: They’re Not Better Than You
• Release Date: June 12, 2025

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1. Introduction: Confronting Envy in the Workplace

The episode "They’re Not Better Than You" delves into the pervasive issue of envy within professional settings. Host Jason Feifer opens the discussion by acknowledging a common emotional struggle: feeling envious of colleagues or peers who seem to have more success, higher salaries, or more prestigious positions. This sentiment is relatable to many listeners striving to excel in their careers while maintaining personal satisfaction.

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2. Jason’s Personal Journey with Envy

Jason Feifer candidly shares his own experiences with envy, providing a personal touch to the discussion. At [02:48], he begins by admitting, "I can be a jealous bastard." He recounts his early aspirations to become a successful writer and how witnessing the achievements of his contemporaries led to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. This admission sets the stage for a deeper exploration of how envy can impact one's professional and personal life.

Notable Quote:

"I can be a jealous bastard." — Jason Feifer [02:48]

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3. The Hidden Struggles Behind Success

As Jason attained his own form of success, his perspective shifted. He observed that the individuals he once envied were grappling with their own challenges and sacrifices. This realization is pivotal, highlighting that outward success often conceals internal struggles and trade-offs.

He shares insights from PJ Vogt, stating, "the desire to succeed can give you what you want while at the same time removing your ability to enjoy it." This underscores the paradox where ambition and achievement can lead to diminished personal fulfillment.

Notable Quote:

"The desire to succeed can give you what you want while at the same time removing your ability to enjoy it." — PJ Vogt [Exact timestamp not provided]

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4. The Cost of Success: Personal Sacrifices

Jason provides illustrative examples of successful individuals who, despite their achievements, face significant personal costs:

• Business Podcaster: Initially envied for his reach, Jason discovers that he is constantly stressed about download numbers, leading to relentless anxiety.

• Bestselling Writer: Admired for her sales, it’s revealed that her success was fueled by unethical behavior, resulting in burned professional relationships.

• CEO: Despite a thriving company, the CEO is perpetually exhausted, unable to maintain personal friendships due to nonstop travel.

He also references celebrity chef David Chang, who attributes his success to battling depression and anger, leading him to acknowledge his shortcomings as a boss. These narratives emphasize that behind every success story lies a series of sacrifices and challenges.

Notable Quote:

"Success was the product of depression and anger. He said to me I was a really bad boss, yelling, screaming, and I'm looking back being like man, I got there. But were there other ways?" — Jason Feifer referring to David Chang [Exact timestamp not provided]

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5. Recognizing Personal Sacrifices

Transitioning to his own experiences, Jason discusses the personal sacrifices he makes in pursuit of his career. He shares a moment where he had to choose between spending time with his son and working on his newsletter, which later became the podcast episode.

Notable Quote:

"I told him that I couldn't because I had to work, because I had to write the newsletter. The newsletter that would become then this podcast that you are hearing right now." — Jason Feifer [Approximately 07:30]

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6. Three Questions to Overcome Envy

To address and mitigate feelings of envy, Jason proposes a reflective framework consisting of three questions:

1. What Choice Did I Make?

   • Examine the decisions that led to your current circumstances.

2. What Benefit Did That Create?

   • Identify the positive outcomes resulting from those choices that you value.

3. What Would Have Happened if I Took the Other Path?

   • Consider the potential outcomes of alternative decisions and assess whether they would have truly made you happier.

This structured reflection encourages individuals to appreciate their unique paths and understand that every choice involves trade-offs.

Notable Quote:

"There are three of them. Number one, ask what choice did I make? Number two, what benefit did that create? And now think question number three. What would have happened if you took the other path?" — Jason Feifer [Approximately 07:45]

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7. Personal Example: Balancing Career and Family

Jason illustrates the application of these questions through his wife, Jen’s career decisions. Despite opportunities for greater book sales by focusing on a specific niche, Jen chose to pursue her diverse interests, leading to a more fulfilling and varied writing portfolio. This decision, though it may have limited her commercial success, resulted in greater personal satisfaction and creative freedom.

Notable Quote:

"Jen might want more book sales, but she is happier having not limited herself." — Jason Feifer [Approximately 09:30]

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8. Conclusion: Living Intentionally and Appreciating Choices

The episode concludes with a powerful message advocating for intentional living and self-appreciation. Jason emphasizes that success should not be measured solely by external achievements but by the alignment of one's career with personal values and happiness.

He encourages listeners to cease comparing themselves to others, recognizing that every individual's journey is shaped by unique choices and sacrifices. By focusing on personal growth and the benefits derived from one's decisions, individuals can find contentment and reduce envy.

Notable Quote:

"Instead, let's just think about choices. If we had infinite lives, we could make infinite choices and that would be fun. But we don't. Instead, the best we can do is make our own choices and appreciate our own accomplishments." — Jason Feifer [Approximately 10:50]

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Key Takeaways:

• Envy is Common: Feelings of envy are widespread in professional settings and can impact personal well-being.

• Success Comes with Trade-offs: Behind every successful individual lies a series of sacrifices and challenges that are often unseen.

• Reflective Questions Aid in Overcoming Envy: By asking about one's choices, benefits, and alternative paths, individuals can better understand and appreciate their own journeys.

• Intentional Living Enhances Satisfaction: Aligning career decisions with personal values and priorities leads to greater fulfillment and reduces the urge to compare oneself to others.

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Final Thoughts:

"They’re Not Better Than You" offers a candid exploration of envy in the workplace, blending personal anecdotes with actionable advice. By highlighting the hidden struggles behind success and providing a framework for self-reflection, Jason Feifer empowers listeners to navigate their careers with greater self-awareness and intentionality.

For those grappling with similar feelings of inadequacy or envy, this episode serves as a reminder that everyone's path is unique, and true success lies in making choices that align with one's personal values and happiness.

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Connect with "Help Wanted":

• Email: [e-mail]
• Social Media: Follow on Instagram and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive content.

Transcript

[Nicole Lapin]

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[Unknown]

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[Nicole Lapin]

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[Jason Pfeiffer]

This is help Wanted, the show that makes your work work for you. I'm Jason Pfeiffer, editor in chief of.

[Nicole Lapin]

Entrepreneur magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin. On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the helpline and help callers solve their work problems.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

And on Thursdays, I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.

[Nicole Lapin]

And it starts now.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

All right, you can admit it. You are envious of someone. Why? Who? I don't know. You pick the reason. Maybe they make more money than you, or they accomplish more than you, or their career is bigger, or their title is cooler by comparison. You feel small. You already know that this is bad, that comparison is the thief of joy. I don't need to tell you that many people have told you that. You've told yourself that doesn't matter. Doesn't help. So today, I will give you something that actually helps. I will show you how the people you envy aren't as enviable as you think and how you can celebrate what you have. But to start, I'm going to share something a little embarrassing. I can be a jealous bastard. In my 20s, I aspired to be a successful writer, but I just, I couldn't read anything written by young, successful writers. They had done what I desired, and so it made me seethe with envy. And then I got some success myself, and my goals shifted. Being a, quote unquote successful writer no longer felt satisfying enough. Now I needed more. I needed to make more money or build more things or just achieve more status or something. Which meant that I had a new, different set of people to envy. As PJ Vogt said on his podcast search engine, the desire to succeed can give you what you want while at the same time removing your ability to enjoy it. That's a great quote. But along the way, something fascinating happened to me. Because of my job as editor in chief of Entrepreneur magazine, I get to meet a lot of the people that I am envious of. Sometimes we even become friends, or I become friends with their friends. And that pulled back the curtain in a way that I didn't expect. Because what I realized is that there's always more to the story. When we are envious of someone, all we see are their accomplishments, but we don't see what it took to get there or what's pushing them or what they traded along the way. I am still surprised by these revelations, even though at this point the pattern is predictable and I run into it all the time. For example, here are some real examples, with names removed of people who I got to know and then discovered what really is pushing them or what they really traded along the way. It is the business podcaster whose reach I was envious of, but who, it turns out, watches his download numbers non stop every day and who feels a crushing anxiety if the numbers aren't always up. It is the best selling writer whose sales I was envious of, but who, it turns out, drove those sales by constantly taking advantage of people and who has burned every professional bridge. And it's the CEO whose company is soaring, but who, it turns out, as he told me, is on the road nonstop, can never see friends, and is beyond exhausted. I remember interviewing the celebrity chef David Chang a number of years ago. His Momofuku restaurant group is a smash hit, he had a Netflix show, his cookbooks are bestsellers. In short, that guy is the envy of many chefs. But he told me that success was the product of depression and anger. He said to me I was a really bad boss, yelling, screaming, and I'm looking back being like man, I got there. But were there other ways? You know, we all make trade offs. Not all successful people are miserable. Of course. I have met many wonderful, joyful, generous, successful people, but they've all made some kind of trade off. To achieve something enviable, you must trade in something valuable. I do this even in my own way. In fact, this podcast that you're hearing right now is a good representation of that. So what I am doing right now is that I'm reading something from my newsletter. That's what I do every Thursday here on Help Wanted as I read from my newsletter called One Thing Better. You can get it at onethingbetter Email onethingbetter Email. Anyway, okay, but the point is that I wrote the edition of this newsletter that I am reading to you right now on a Saturday at 11am Because I didn't have time to do it during the work week. And an hour before, my young son had asked if I would play with him in the basement. You know, it's a Saturday, it's the morning. It's pretty reasonable that he would expect that. But I told him that I couldn't because I had to work, because I had to write the newsletter. The newsletter that would become then this podcast that you are hearing right now. Would you make that same choice? It's okay, if you wouldn't. I'm not sure that I made the right one myself, but that is the trade off that I am making to have the media products that I have on top of everything else I do when I don't really have the time. People ask, how do you have the time for all this stuff? And the answer is the those kinds of sacrifices that maybe I will regret later. Not just one or two of them, but all of them. And, you know, that's just me. And maybe that's just small or maybe it's not. I don't know. I guess I'll. I'll find out in years. But the point is that everyone has done some version of this. Everyone has traded away some kind of stability or time or family or connections or something in exchange for whatever accomplishment you see. And so the next time that you feel envious of someone, please stop and ask yourself this series of questions. There are three of them. Number one, ask what choice did I make? Talking about you, what choice did you make? Think about a decision that you made perhaps a long time ago just because it made you happy. And then think question number two.

[Nicole Lapin]

1.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

What benefit did that create? What do you have now as a result of that choice that you really value and that, frankly, you would be envious of if someone else had it? And now think question number three. What would have happened if you took the other path? Where would it have led you? Would that happiness truly be better than the happiness you have now? This is something that I talk a lot about with my wife, Jen. She has written five books, and like most, or really all authors, she's never been fully happy with her sales numbers. Jen edits my newsletter each week, and when she read an earlier draft of the thing that you're hearing right now, she got to the part about me sacrificing basement time with our son and said, okay, but no amount of basement time sacrifices could help her make her books sell better. And I said, that might be true, but think about a more foundational choice that she made. I reminded her of her history. She had published her first book at age 25. It was a reported exploration of Israeli and Palestinian teenagers. Her agent told her to write more books about the Middle east, but Jen didn't want to. Jen is endlessly curious and wanted to write and explore many topics and genres. As a result, she parted ways with her agent. That agent went on to be a superstar, repping some of the biggest writers today. Jen went on to do as she dreamed, writing a wide range of novels young adult books, and even a romantic comedy that she and I co authored together. It's called Mr. Nice Guy. Check it out. And so I told her, you know, if you stuck with the Middle east, you might have owned that niche and sold more copies of books, but that wouldn't have made you happy. That's true. She said, jen wants more book sales, sure, but she had optimized for something else, and that accomplishment is also worth being envious of. The point is to live intentionally. It is time to stop thinking about other people's accomplishments. Those things are not in our control and they don't tell a full story. Instead, let's just think about choices. If we had infinite lives, we could make infinite choices and that would be fun. But we don't. Instead, the best we can do is make our own choices and appreciate our own accomplishments. Yeah, sure, we'll sometimes envy someone else's accomplishments, though not necessarily the choices that they made to get them. Jen might want more book sales, but she is happier having not limited herself. I might want, let's say, a larger audience for my newsletter, but I am happier not obsessing over my numbers like that podcaster I met. You cannot have it all, but you certainly can have enough. So optimize for that. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.

[Nicole Lapin]

Pfeiffer, and me, Nicole Lapbin. Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Do you want some help? Email our [e-mail] for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show and follow us on Instagram, unnamed news and Tik Tok at Money News Network for exclusive content and to.

[Unknown]

See our beautiful faces.

[Nicole Lapin]

Maybe a little dance?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, I didn't sign up for that.

[Nicole Lapin]

All right, well, talk to you soon.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Sam.