Want Honest Feedback? Here’s How to Get It

Summary

Podcast Summary: Help Wanted – Episode: "Want Honest Feedback? Here’s How to Get It"

Release Date: March 27, 2025
Hosts: Jason Feifer (Editor in Chief, Entrepreneur) and Nicole Lapin (Money Expert)

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Introduction

In this episode of Help Wanted, hosts Jason Feifer and Nicole Lapin delve into the crucial topic of obtaining honest feedback in professional and personal relationships. They explore the barriers that prevent open communication and provide actionable strategies to create environments where genuine feedback thrives.

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Understanding the Barrier to Honest Feedback

Jason Feifer opens the discussion by highlighting a common yet often overlooked issue: the reluctance of others to voice their thoughts and concerns. He states, “You may not realize it, but somebody is afraid to talk to you” ([03:21]). This fear can stem from various sources, such as fear of being a burden, fear of rejection, or uncertainty about the appropriateness of their requests.

To illustrate this, Feifer shares a relatable anecdote from his friend Jenny Wood, a former Google executive and co-host of the show. Jenny recounts a moment where she remained silent about the freezing temperature in a Lyft car, despite being uncomfortable. “The other day I got into a lift to the airport. The car was freezing. However, I shivered silently instead of asking the driver to turn on the heat” ([03:21]).

Feifer emphasizes that such instances are not isolated. Many people hold back their needs and feedback, leading to strained relationships and missed opportunities for improvement.

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The Power of Giving Permission

The core solution presented revolves around granting explicit permission for others to communicate freely. Feifer explains that while you might believe you've fostered an open environment, without continuous reinforcement, people might forget or hesitate to reach out.

Jenny Wood serves as a prime example of someone who effectively gives permission. During her tenure at Google, she established weekly office hours to encourage her team to approach her without reservations. “Jenny created a weekly block of time for office hours. She sent an invite that said, ‘Anybody can book a 20-minute slot with me,’ along with conversation topics like ‘A project you're excited about’ or ‘Something fun you did this weekend’” ([04:45]).

This approach lowers the barrier for initiating conversations, making team members feel valued and heard without the pressure of having a significant issue to discuss.

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Practical Strategies to Foster Open Communication

1. Structured Availability:

   • Office Hours: Allocate specific times each week dedicated to open dialogue. This regularity signals your ongoing willingness to listen.
   • Flexible Scheduling: Offer various time slots to accommodate different schedules, ensuring accessibility for all team members.

2. Provide Conversation Starters:

   • Listing potential discussion topics can alleviate the anxiety of what to bring up. Jenny’s inclusion of casual topics like weekend activities helps in making the interaction less intimidating.

3. Personal Outreach:

   • Jordan Harbinger's Approach: Feifer mentions his friend Jordan Harbinger, who sends periodic personal texts asking, “Hey, how you doing? Anything I can help with?” ([06:30]). This direct yet casual approach opens the door for others to seek assistance without feeling like they’re imposing.

4. Lowering the Stakes:

   • By reducing the perceived importance of the interaction (e.g., offering five-minute slots as opposed to longer meetings), you make it easier for others to engage without fear of wasting your time.

5. Consistent Reinforcement:

   • Continuously affirm your openness to receiving feedback. This ongoing gesture ensures that others remain comfortable and confident in reaching out whenever needed.

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Challenges and Solutions

Feifer addresses potential challenges in implementing these strategies:

• Perception of Availability: Simply stating that you’re available isn’t enough; you must consistently act on it. Regularly scheduled office hours and follow-up communications reinforce your commitment.

• Overcoming Anxiety: Both parties may experience anxiety—those seeking feedback and those receiving it. Creating a non-judgmental and supportive environment helps mitigate these feelings.

• Sustaining Effort: It requires ongoing effort to maintain open lines of communication. Making it a routine practice ensures that it becomes an integral part of your leadership or personal interaction style.

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Conclusion and Call to Action

Feifer concludes by issuing a challenge to listeners: actively give someone permission to share their thoughts and feedback. Whether it’s with your team, a partner, or a friend, taking deliberate steps to invite open communication can significantly enhance your relationships and leadership effectiveness.

He encapsulates the essence of the episode with the metaphor, “Relationships are like bridges... put up a giant flashing neon sign that says yes,” encouraging listeners to make it unmistakably clear that open communication is welcome.

Nicole Lapin reinforces the message and invites listeners to engage further by submitting their work problems and questions through the show's helpline, ensuring continuous support and community building.

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Key Takeaways

• Granting Permission: Actively create opportunities and signals that encourage others to share feedback and express their needs.
• Structured and Casual Approaches: Balance formal methods like office hours with informal touches such as personalized messages to foster a comfortable environment.
• Consistent Reinforcement: Make openness a routine part of your interactions to maintain trust and communication flow.
• Practical Implementation: Use conversation starters and flexible scheduling to lower barriers and reduce anxiety around giving and receiving feedback.

By implementing these strategies, listeners can cultivate stronger, more transparent relationships in both their professional and personal lives, leading to enhanced collaboration, trust, and overall satisfaction.

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For More Help: If you have work-related questions or need personalized advice, email the hosts at [e-mail] for a chance to have your question featured on the show.

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This summary captures the essence of the episode, providing actionable insights and illustrating the importance of creating an environment where honest feedback is welcomed and facilitated.

Transcript

[Nicole Lapin]

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[Jason Pfeiffer]

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[Nicole Lapin]

Entrepreneur Magazine, and I'm money expert Nicole Lapin. On Tuesdays, Jason and I answer the helpline and help callers solve their work problems.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

And on Thursdays I give you one way to improve your work and build a career or company you love.

[Nicole Lapin]

And it starts now.

[Jason Pfeiffer]

You may not realize it, but somebody is afraid to talk to you. If you're a manager, your team might hesitate to give you updates. If you're a business owner, your customers might not give you valuable feedback. If your friends or partners are in need, they might not turn to you first. This sounds awful, right? You want to be warm and welcoming and you don't think of yourself as intimidating. So what's the problem? It's this. You haven't given them permission because you didn't think you needed to. Today I will show you how to fix this problem, making you a better friend, leader and partner. But first, let's look at a small moment where someone was afraid to speak up. My friend Jenny Wood, who has been co hosting a few of these episodes with me. So name might sound familiar. My friend Jenny is a former Google executive, has a great new book out called Wild Go after what you want and get it. In the book she tells a brief story that I really related to and here it is. She wrote. The other day I got into a lift to the airport. The car was freezing. However, I shivered silently instead of asking the driver to turn on the heat. The truth is, I didn't want to make the driver uncomfortable, even though I had every right to avoid frostbite. That's okay. That's from her book. I don't know about you, but that is so me. Like if I'm getting a massage at a spa and the pressure is so intense that I am in pain, I will literally grip my way through it instead of asking the masseuse to lighten it up. But anyway, Jenny, back in that freezing car, noticed something. Her Lyft driver had a sign in the back seat and it said this. If you need anything, feel free to ask. And then there was a list of things to talk about, including the AC and heat. When Jenny Saw that she felt comfortable speaking up. The sign gave me permission. She told me when we talked about this. We were chatting about it after recording a help wanted it's permission. She said that she didn't even realize she needed needed. Now here's why that story is so powerful. We should all be giving permission. If people want something from us, yeah, okay, fine, they should just ask. But let's deal with reality. They probably won't ask. They may fear being a burden, or they don't want to hurt our feelings, or they worry that their request isn't welcome or whatever. That's why Jenny didn't speak up in the cab and why I don't interrupt the masseuse. Instead, we all stay quiet, leading to a worse experience for everyone. If people are not asking you for what they want or need, that is inhibiting your ability to build stronger connections and become a better leader. Partner or friend? Maybe you think you've already covered this. Maybe you're a manager and you've already told people you have an open door policy. Or you might tell friends, you know I'm here for you anytime. But as time passes, people might forget that or they worry that your offer expired. So whether you like it or not, it is your job to continually create the opening. You must give other people permission to approach you, just like that Lyft driver did, and then reinforce it over and over again. I asked Jenny did she ever do this when she was at Google, and she told me yes. People on her team were nervous to meet with her because they weren't sure what would justify taking her time. So she set out to fix that. And here's what permission can look like. Jenny, for context, ran a large org at Google with many direct and indirect reports and she wanted them to feel consistently welcome approaching her. So she created a weekly block of time for office hours. And then she sent the invite to everybody on her team. It said that anybody can book a 20 minute slot with her. And then to alleviate any anxiety about what's worth discussing, she provided conversation topics. Here's what it looks like. So she actually sent me a screenshot of it. It just says like the name of it is Jenny Wood. Weekly office hours. Underneath she wrote, hi team, please sign up for a 20 minute office hour slot whenever you'd like. There are three available slots each Tuesday. Below are ideas of what we can discuss. No need for prep work or fancy slides. And then she lists a whole bunch of things. A project you're excited about. A roadblock I can remove. A skill you Want to develop something fun you did this weekend? That thing at the end there, the little fun thing she did this weekend, that's because she wanted to lower the bar for conversation. She didn't want people to feel like they had to have some very, very important reason to meet with her. One of her Google colleagues actually went a step further. They offered five minute blocks of time, not just 20, because they wanted to send a signal that you don't have to have some fancy presentation to come talk to the boss. So that's one way to give permission. Here's another. As I was talking to Jenny, I was reminded of my friend Jordan Harbinger, who hosts a big podcast. Every few months I get a text from him that basically says, hey, how you doing? Anything I can help with? And I love these texts. They prompt us to catch up. And every so often, yeah, I actually do have something that he could help me with. But now I realize something. In those texts, Jordan is really giving me permission to ask him for favors. Yes, in theory, I could always ask Jordan for help, but I might have hesitated otherwise. It's anxiety striking again. I might have thought, well, Jordan offered to help me a few months ago, but maybe he's not in the mood anymore, so I won't ask. That's why Jordan needs to renew the permission. And now you want to get next level with this. Get ready. Jordan literally keeps track of people in a CRM the way salespeople track their clients. I know I am in that CRM and I still like it. Because although his system may be automated, the connection is human. So here's a challenge that I hope you will take today. You should give someone permission. Maybe it's your team, like Jenny, you could find a simple and lasting way to invite them in. Maybe it's a partner you could ask. Hey, it's been a while since we checked in. How are you feeling about the project? Any concerns we can discuss and that could open conversation that they might have kept to themselves. Or maybe it's a friend. If you haven't heard from someone in a while, they might wonder if you're too busy for them or if your feelings about them have changed. So invite a catch up. Relationships are like bridges. Some are big and strong, like a friendship or a partnership. Some are narrow and temporary, like a customer in your lift. But no matter what, most people will eventually wonder, hey, can I still cross that bridge? So it is time to put up a giant flashing neon sign that says yes. When you renew people's faith in the bridge, they will cross it and you will both be stronger for it. All right. That as you may know if you listen to Help Wanted regularly, that comes from my newsletter. My newsletter is called One Thing Better each Week. One way to be more successful and satisfied and build a career or company that you love. You can find it at onethingbetter Email. That's a web address. Plug it into a browser. One thingbetter Email I do read the newsletter here here on the podcast, but if you want to get it early in your email and along with a whole bunch of other goodies that I tend to include and link to, then again, one thingbetter Email I give you permission to subscribe or to not subscribe. I give you permission to do whatever you want as long as you keep listening to Help Wanted. Help Wanted is a production of Money News Network. Help Wanted is hosted by me, Jason.

[Nicole Lapin]

Pfeiffer and me, Nicole Lapin. Our executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. You want some help? Email our [e-mail] for the chance to have some of your questions answered on the show and follow us on Instagramoneynews and TikTokoneyNewsNetwork for exclusive content and to see our beautiful faces. Maybe a little dance?

[Jason Pfeiffer]

Oh, I didn't sign up for that.

[Nicole Lapin]

All right, well, talk to you soon.