Podcast Summary: Help Wanted

Episode: When People Do You Wrong
Date: August 28, 2025
Hosts: Jason Feifer (Entrepreneur Editor-in-Chief) & Nicole Lapin (Money Expert)
Network: Money News Network

Overview – Main Theme

In this episode, Jason Feifer delves into the emotional complexities of being wronged, specifically at work (but also in other life situations). Drawing on a personal story of being scammed, Jason highlights how we often create narratives about those who hurt us, and offers practical, empathetic insights for moving past anger and resentment. The message is clear: When people do you wrong, the story isn’t always as black and white as it appears—and often, their actions stem from their own pain.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Getting Cheated and Letting Go

• Jason reflects on a travel experience from 20 years ago that left a deep impression:
  • [00:28] “Someone wronged you. Maybe they insulted you, hurt you, ripped you off, wounded your pride. Whatever it was, you cannot let it go. You imagine them smug and successful, celebrating your pain, and you seethe. Today, I will help you let go.”
• Main Insight: Life is not an emotional zero-sum game. When someone hurts you, it’s not necessarily because they’re better off or benefited from your pain.

2. The Didgeridoo Scam – Personal Anecdote

• Full story from 2005: At age 25, Jason was on vacation in Australia and bought a didgeridoo from a shop owner named Richard, who claimed he’d ship it to Jason's home after Jason paid $300 cash (credit card machine "broken").
• After returning home, Jason received nothing. The store was gone, the owner vanished, and all efforts to recover the money failed.
  • [01:51] “My $300 loss, well, it stung. My missing souvenir made me sad. But mostly I just hated feeling fooled.”
• Initial emotional consequences: Jason describes feeling foolish and imagining Richard as a gleeful con artist celebrating his own misfortune.

3. The Unexpected Resolution: 8 Years Later

• A new twist: In 2013, eight years after the scam, Australian police reach out—Richard had resurfaced.

  • [03:14] “Eight years later... I was now married. I had built a career, and I could afford $300 mistakes. Did I really still want justice for this?”

• Jason tries to pursue justice but has no receipts or documentation left. When he asks for closure, he’s surprised with an email from Richard himself.

  • [04:04] “I am glad to be able to contact you at long last,” Richard wrote.

4. Understanding the Other Side – The Motive

• Richard’s explanation: He had genuinely wanted to run a store, but due to poor financial skills, eviction at home, a bad breakup, and untreated ADHD, everything collapsed. The scam wasn’t premeditated malice, but desperation.
  • [04:44] “The answer was simple. Desperation.”
• Jason ties this into broader psychological insights:
  • Cites Brene Brown: “Hurt people, hurt people.”
  • Cites Marshall Rosenberg: “All violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs.”

5. The "Zero-Sum Emotional Fallacy"

• Key mindset shift: Jason introduces the idea that not all harm comes from another person’s happiness or success—often, quite the opposite.
  • [05:08] “I had been operating under what I think of as a zero sum emotional fallacy, the belief that when someone hurts us, they must be benefiting somehow, that their gain justifies our pain. But life isn’t a zero sum game.”
• The real payoff: Richard offered to wire the $300 back, hoping to move on himself.

6. Practical Takeaways for Listeners

• Empathy as a tool: Instead of crafting “villain” stories about people who hurt us, pause to ask: What might they be dealing with? Would I want to trade places with them? Often, the answer is no.
  • [06:09] “When we can see past our own pain, we can recognize the pain of others. Then we can free ourselves from carrying it.”
• Letting go isn’t letting someone off the hook, but it helps reclaim your energy and happiness for more productive, positive things.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On hurt and perspective:
  • [01:25] "I just hated feeling fooled. I imagined Richard on the lam, flush with the cash of trusting tourists at a loss for any other action."
• On learning the true reason for being hurt:
  • [04:44] “The answer was simple. Desperation. This taught me something that psychologist Brene Brown articulates beautifully: Hurt people, hurt people.”
• Condensing the core insight:
  • [05:08] “I had been operating under what I think of as a zero sum emotional fallacy... But life isn’t a zero sum game.”
• Guiding question:
  • [06:00] “I always think about the person who wronged me and I ask myself what is motivating them, and would I trade places with them?”
• Closing wisdom:
  • [06:09] “When we can see past our own pain, we can recognize the pain of others. Then we can free ourselves from carrying it.”

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:28] – Introduction to the episode’s theme: letting go of being wronged
• [01:01] – The didgeridoo scam story begins
• [02:25] – The aftermath: unsuccessful recovery efforts and feelings of being cheated
• [03:14] – The case reopens eight years later
• [04:04] – Jason receives an email from Richard, the scammer
• [04:44] – Richard’s explanation and deeper insights on human behavior
• [05:08] – The zero sum emotional fallacy explored
• [06:00] – Practical lessons and mindset reframes
• [06:09] – Closing thought on empathy and letting go

Final Thoughts

Jason Feifer uses a vulnerable story and down-to-earth wisdom to highlight a universal truth: We rarely know the real motivations behind those who hurt us, and their actions usually come from pain, not glee. Instead of clinging to resentment, listeners are encouraged to make space for empathy and understanding—a strategy that frees up emotional energy for more meaningful satisfaction and success at work and in life.

If you want more actionable tips like this, Jason also writes the One Thing Better newsletter, which inspired this episode and is available weekly.