HerMoney Podcast Ep. 493: "Is Money Stress Ruining Your Life? A Financial Therapist Explains Why"

Date: September 17, 2025
Host: Jean Chatzky
Guest: Erica Wasserman, Certified Financial Therapist & Author

Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Jean Chatzky opens the door to the world of financial therapy by hosting Erica Wasserman, a certified financial therapist and the author of Conversations with Your Financial Therapist: Stories and Scripts to Grow Your Money Mindset. The discussion centers on how our deep-seated beliefs, experiences, and even cultural backgrounds dramatically shape our relationship with money—and how financial therapy can help us untangle unhelpful patterns and have healthier, less stressful conversations about finances. Erica shares practical scripts, actionable advice, and compassionate insight for listeners seeking to improve their "money mindset," especially women navigating unique roles and challenges.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is a Financial Therapist?

[05:28] Jean: What does a financial therapist do?

• [05:41] Erica:
  • Financial therapy bridges the gap between money "dollars and cents" and the emotional responses money elicits.
  • It focuses on how money makes you feel—stress, shame, fear—and how those feelings affect health and relationships.
  • "There's an emotion that's attached to money that we don't talk about... what happens is it actually impacts both our health and our wealth. Like a deep secret that we're hiding." (Erica, 05:55)

2. Do I Need a Financial Therapist?

[06:31] Jean: How do you know if you need financial therapy?

• [06:42] Erica:
  • If you’re confident with your relationship with money, this may not be for you.
  • If you’re uncertain, curious, or want to improve your habits, a financial therapist can help.
  • Distinguishes between traditional therapy (usually focused on relationships/emotions) and financial therapy (specialist focus on money behaviors and beliefs).

3. Roots of Our Money Beliefs

[08:06] Jean: What shapes our money beliefs?

• Erica identifies three sources:

  • Background/Family Experience: How money was talked about (or not) growing up.
  • Religious Messaging & Culture: Teachings about money, gender roles, charity, and success.
  • Personal Experiences: Life events shaping money habits and emotions.

  Notable Quote:
  "Culture also is, as you know, 50 years ago, you and I could not be sitting here having our businesses. We would not be able to open up a bank account... For women, it's a new skill that's being built." (Erica, 09:25)

4. Culture, Gender Roles & Financial Agency

[09:46] Jean: How to undo deeply-rooted roles like "trad wife" culture.

• [10:17] Erica:
  • In relationships where financial involvement is discouraged for women, start with storytelling about future goals to gradually open up money conversations.
  • Layer conversations over time, moving from generic to specific.

5. How Childhood Experiences Manifest in Adulthood

[11:08 & 12:28]

• Family money habits show up in subtle ways: e.g., attitudes toward spending, saving, or emotional reactions to seemingly small things (like greeting cards).
• Erica shares stories: hiding shopping bags as a kid, "indoor camping" to hide non-payment of utility bills, always using credit.

Notable Moment:

• "She'd rather that six or seven dollars be in an ice cream... But for him, it's the value of the greeting card that's important." (Erica, 12:13)

6. Erica's Personal Journey & Empowerment Through Confidence

[13:45] Erica:

• Erica’s own diverse financial experiences—from merging finances to separation, inheritance, and divorce—gave her the confidence to ask money questions and helped her see the need for financial therapy.
• "Whatever you're doing right now with your relationship with money, you're only getting better at. So if you're avoiding those conversations, congratulations, you're getting better at it." (Erica, 15:04)

7. The Money Mindset Method (Acronym: MONEY)

[18:41 - 21:30]
A practical, actionable framework for productive financial conversations:

• M – Make the conversation comfortable:
  Choose the right time, setting, and mood. Set yourself up for success.

  • "Make the conversation comfortable. What does that mean? The last time you had a productive conversation, where were you?" (Erica, 19:04)

• O – One by one:
  Address issues individually, don’t pile on old grievances.

  • "This isn't like, six years ago we gave your mom money, and she hasn't paid us back..." (Erica, 19:58)

• N – Nurture shared goals:
  Look for overlaps in objectives to build positive momentum.

• E – Evaluate practical solutions:
  Brainstorm both inside and outside the box with all parties.

• Y – Yes to compassion:
  Approach every discussion with empathy for yourself and others.

  • "Do this nicely, please do this nicely. For yourself and ... for the person who's showing up." (Erica, 21:30)

8. Divorce, Stability, and Financial Clarity

[22:01 - 24:23]

• Erica describes how the "Money Mindset" approach helped her through a collaborative divorce.
• Emphasis on keeping children’s well-being central, picking battles that matter, and seeking long-term stability.

Notable Advice:

• Biggest mistake women make in divorce: "Accepting what's put in front of them because they're afraid to ask questions… So if you don't know what questions to ask, go call a friend, call two friends." (Erica, 23:42)

9. Tough Conversations with Aging Parents

[24:23 - 26:06]

• Scripts to open difficult talks: referencing a friend’s experience, stressing the importance of knowing wishes, and using professionals as neutral parties.
• Suggests incremental steps, focusing on practical info (like where accounts are), not just dollar amounts.

10. Supporting Adult Children & Setting Boundaries

[26:06 - 27:34]

• Real-life example: a 24-year-old daughter moves home, impacting mother's financial plans.
• Key: communication, setting clear expectations, and temporary boundaries. Example: daughter pays the difference for increased utility costs.

11. Procrastination, Patterns, and Small Steps

[28:09 – 29:28]

• Financial procrastination is a pattern rooted in avoidance.
• Tactic: "Just log into your bank account for five minutes a day. Don't do anything. Just look at it."—start building comfort in small, low-stakes ways.

Notable Quote:

• "If you just don't open the mail, it doesn't mean the credit card bill's not going to go away." (Erica, 28:37)

12. Changing the Scarcity Story—A Key Mindset Shift

[29:28 – 30:58]

• Much of our money stress comes from stories, not numbers.
• Practice: Write down your financial fears. Mark them ‘T’ (true) or ‘F’ (false). Only act on what’s true, let go of the fiction.

Memorable Advice:

• "Oftentimes we tell ourselves these crazy, amazing, sometimes beautiful, sometimes scary stories, but they're not reality... Is this fact or is this fiction?" (Erica, 29:59)

13. Balancing Emotional Healing & Practical Decisions in Crisis

[31:21]

• When facing loss or major life change, first, breathe—then gather a support team and don't go it alone.
• "If money is not your strength, rely on others, especially when you're so vulnerable. That's the best advice that I can give." (Erica, 31:44)

Memorable Quotes

• On Money Avoidance:
  “Whatever you’re doing right now with your relationship with money, you’re only getting better at. So if you’re avoiding those conversations, congratulations, you’re getting better at it.” (Erica, 15:04)

• On Scripts for Difficult Conversations:
  “If you don’t know what questions to ask, go call a friend, call two friends. The first one might not have the right answer. Call a lawyer, call a local divorce group—they’re going to have responses.” (Erica, 23:51)

• On Compassion:
  “Do this nicely, please do this nicely. For yourself and ... for the person who’s showing up.” (Erica, 21:30)

• On Stories vs. Facts:
  "Oftentimes, we tell ourselves these crazy, amazing, sometimes beautiful, sometimes scary stories, but they're not reality... Is this fact or is this fiction?" (Erica, 29:59)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• What is a financial therapist? – [05:28 - 06:31]
• Sources of our money beliefs – [08:06 - 09:46]
• Overcoming limiting cultural roles – [09:46 - 11:08]
• Money stories and childhood impact – [11:08 - 13:17]
• Erica's journey and approach – [13:45 - 15:50]
• The Money Mindset Method – [18:41 - 21:30]
• Divorce, boundaries, and advocating for yourself – [22:01 - 24:23]
• Scripts for talking to parents – [24:23 - 26:06]
• Setting boundaries with adult children – [26:06 - 27:34]
• Overcoming procrastination – [28:09 - 29:28]
• Changing your money story – [29:29 - 30:58]
• Healing during vulnerable transitions – [31:21 - 32:03]

Conclusion

This episode offers a compassionate, practical guide to breaking down financial shame and stress—especially for women navigating new financial territory or grappling with major life transitions. Erica Wasserman distills the art of financial therapy into accessible scripts, empowering listeners to start their own healing, honest money conversations today.

Book reference:
Conversations with Your Financial Therapist: Stories and Scripts to Grow Your Money Mindset by Erica Wasserman

For further support:
Jean Chatzky shares three HerMoney programs—FinanceFix, Pre-Retirement, and Investing Club for Women.

Useful for listeners who:

• Experience anxiety, avoidance, or stress around money
• Struggle with money conversations in family, marriage, or divorce
• Want actionable tools and real-world scripts to improve financial confidence
• Seek to replace negative money stories with fact-based decision making