
Jean digs into the real numbers to find out who's right.
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hey everyone, it's Jean Chatky. Welcome to Her Money. Today we're doing something I absolutely love, an AMA in other words, ask me anything conversation where one of you sits down with me one on one to dig into a money question that is keeping you up at night. My guest today is asking a question that I think so many of us have either thought seriously about or at least daydreamed about during a particularly brutal week at work. Can I actually afford to walk away from a high paying job to pursue something more meaningful? Louise is 56, burned out after 25 years in high tech, caring for an aging parents and raising kids all while her husband runs his own business. She and her husband have worked incredibly hard and saved even harder, but she is wondering whether it's enough to let her take a break. We're gonna dig into the real numbers, tackle the healthcare hurdle that trips up so many people when they start thinking about trading full time for part time and get honest about what retiring early actually looks like when you're not quite ready to fully stop. I think you're really going to want to hear this one, so let's get into it. Louise, welcome to the show.
D
Thank you Jean. It's nice to be here.
C
Nice to be able to talk to you. So tell me what is going on?
D
Well, I've been in the workforce for a long time, about 25 years in high tech specifically, and while that job has been really meaningful in a lot of ways, just at the burnout stage at this point, so being in my mid-50s, high tech is booming, which is fantastic, right? With AI and everything else. So it's fantastic. But I'm at the life stage where I'm just feeling like I want something more meaningful. And I also just want to take a break, frankly. I've been saving my entire life. Has been an amazing saver, I think with my husband and been working so hard that it's hard to joy now I'm finding it's hard for me to enjoy the other aspects of my life because work is always on the mind and the expectations are just getting higher and higher and higher. And I want to take a break. Either early retirement or there's a lot of factors around this that I'd have to explain because I'd like to either take early retirement like or could we do that? Or look at maybe it's just I do sort of a job just to get the healthcare insurance and you know, and not worry too much about if I have enough of the savings that. Can we do that? Can we make that work?
C
Okay. I mean that sounds like something that we can unpack. We're going to have to dig into the numbers a little bit. Is there anything else happening life wise that I need to know about?
D
Well, I think when I wrote in, I shared with you that a big part of this too is that my mother just died. That was a very sorry. Thank you. That was a really tough time. I took some time to be with her but now my father is really struggling as well. So I just don't have the time to, to help out and I, I don't love that. So I'm feeling like I'm sort of balancing. How do I help my father who is aging rapidly and just lost his wife. And, and I also have four children, so two that are adults but are still kind of making their way and then two that are still in the house. So it's a lot going on.
C
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D
Yes, I'm 56 to be specific.
C
All right. And how old is your husband?
D
He's 58.
C
Okay, tell me a little bit about your financial life.
E
What do you have put aside for retirement and other investments and college for the two kids who haven't launched?
D
Okay, so I had to write this down.
C
That's okay.
D
So we have total in our 401ks and IRAs, we have 3.2 million. We have 430,000 in investments like stock. We have 200k in our 529 plans for our other two children, the other older adults. Children are paid for from a college perspective. We have 65,000 in cash savings and then I earn 230k a year. I get a 50k bonus, not guaranteed of course. And then I also have quarterly stock grants that are vesting and those average out about 25 grand a quarter. So part of this is that I can imagine some of your listeners will be thinking, what's she whining about? But part of this is a huge part of it is the healthcare because we're it's a family of six. Right. So that's a huge part of it is the healthcare.
E
Right. And so you provide it for your husband as well.
D
That's right. So he has a LLC and he does bring in income every month, but not benefits. So I'm benefits Broadly for the whole family.
E
Okay.
C
And have you looked at the cost
E
of that healthcare if you had to buy it on the open market?
D
Market, I'm afraid to look at it, given what's going on, I think it would have been okay last year, but now what's going on with the subsidies gone. And I think it's gone up quite a bit. So I know that's a childish thing to say, but that I have not.
C
No, please, not a childish thing to say at all.
E
The Wall Street Journal just wrote a big story about this couple who is now looking at a healthcare premium higher than their mortgage.
C
When you look at the amount of
E
money that you have coming in per month, the two of you after tax and after you save, what is that and how does it compare to what you spend?
D
So, and I've heard you talk about this on your podcast. So we bring in net after all of our savings and I also put into like this employee stock purchase plan. So that's like another 25k per year. We max out everything. So $17,000 is what we would net after everything's gone, all these other places.
E
Okay, and what do you spend?
D
Well, we spend kind of almost all of it. Not every single penny, of course, but we don't keep. I've heard you talk about this too. And I said to my husband, I'm like, see, even Gene Chatsky does this. We try to allocate everything out to all the different places so that when whatever's left in the checking account is kind of spending, it is bills spending, it's not really any savings at that point.
E
So if you did take a step
C
back, I'm trying to get a sense
E
of, in terms of what you spend versus what you have to spend. Right. If you decided right now, okay, I've done such a good job of putting money away for retirement, I can take my foot off the pedal there and just let what I have already put in, plus those stock grants grow. I've done a good job of saving for college. I can ride on what we've put away there. If you took your foot off the gas and you got a job, just a job that would pay you healthcare, a Trader Joe's job, or a job at Starbucks or a job at somewhere else. How much would you have to pull from your current savings in order to pay for the cost of your day to day life?
D
Yeah, so that's a great question. So I think with my husband's, he brings in again net after everything goes out for taxes and everything else, he brings in about 7ish, maybe a little more than that. Then we'd have to make up the 10, if we're doing about 17k, right. Of spending a month. So that would be about, I think four and a half percent withdrawal from our total 401k. Even if we didn't touch our stock investments, our 430k. If we just looked at our 3.2 and I was thinking using the rule of 55, right, like that, we could pull that out penalty free. And if we only did four and a half percent, wouldn't that be a big. I think that would net about 10.
C
So the rule of 55, I have
E
to admit, is a new one for me.
C
What is that?
D
It's so funny you say that because my friend who is a CFP said the same thing. She's like, I don't believe that's true. And I'm like, I looked it up on Fidelity. So the rule is that if you're over 55, so I am 56, and you leave your employer, so you can't still be working. I couldn't still be working at my current employer if I left my employer and my 401k stays with that employer. But I left that you can draw off of it penalty free.
E
Okay, I see what you're saying. The problem with drawing starting at this age is that the way that the 4.4.5% rule was set up, it's designed to last you for about three, 30 years. You're too young in my estimation to do that for 30 years. Right. Like for you to make sure that your retirement lasts. If you start drawing now, that's a time horizon that I am not sure that you won't outlive. And so I would want you to sit down with a financial advisor and run some Monte Carlo analyses that look at what are the percentage chances that you will or won't outlive your money. And what if you need long term care in the future? I'm not sure about how your stock grants that are not factored into this retirement balance at this point will bump up the picture or the equity in your home or your other investments. I think where I look, burnout is real. It is a problem. And having lost my mom too in the not too recent past, I completely understand why, where you're coming from. Emotionally you need a break. But I'm wondering how you would feel about maybe taking a year saying, I'm going to do this, not forever, but I'm going to do it for a shorter period of time.
C
Or scouring the landscape for something in between.
E
A Trader Joe's job and a high tech job to see if there is something out there where you could use your skills in a less pressured environment in a way that will continue to just. You could halve your salary, essentially, and you could still bring home enough to allow the savings to continue to grow and not have to pull from it. At this point, people are gonna think this is crazy. Jean, what are you talking about? She has $3 million. And that is absolutely true. But without reducing your cost of living significantly, I think you're very quickly gonna get yourself into a hole. Mm.
C
Does that make sense?
D
Yeah, it does. And you're right. Like, I'm not accounting for our home, which is significant.
C
What's your house worth?
D
Probably like 1.8 million.
E
And how much do you owe on it?
D
Well, we still owe like 400 plus.
E
Yeah, but that's still a million and a half in equity, so that's. You just took your net worth up by another million and a half dollars. Right. So instead of looking at three and a half, we're now looking at five, right?
D
Yeah. Of course, assuming that we were to sell the house, like, that's we've got some time left with our children, but.
C
And I'm not saying that you have to sell the house now. Right.
E
I'm just saying this is a. This is a plus on your balance sheet. No matter where you go, you'll need a place to live. And then you'll have to make a decision about do you want to leave the value in your residence, or do you want to pull it out and use it to support your cost of living?
C
Do you have a financial advisor?
D
Well, we are about to meet with a new one.
E
This is one of those. We've got to run some detailed scenarios, right, where you play with the different levers and you look at, if I were to earn $120,000 instead of $230,000 or 40, what does that do to my picture? If I was to take a year off, what happens then? If I was to get that low pressure job, what does that do? If I had to pay for health insurance out of pocket, what. What is the cost of that and how long would we have to sustain it? The problem with spitballing it, which is sort of what you and I are doing, is that without the real numbers, it's just much, much tougher to do. And I agree that you're in a position to consider retiring early. I just don't know if it's Too early?
D
Yeah. And what. What is when people say retire early? I mean, what do you. Obviously, I know, like, when you can start taking Social Security and all of those kinds of things, but, like, what would you consider? I don't know. I see all these people that are retiring at, like, even before 55. I'm going, how are they doing it? Because I don't know if I can make any more money than I already am. I mean.
E
Right.
C
I mean, what they're.
E
The math that they're essentially working off of is probably 4% math.
C
So they're looking at the amount that
E
they have in savings and retirement. So about 3.5 million for you guys. And they're taking 4% of that a year. So they're saying, okay, if I took out 4% a year, that is $140,000.
C
Is that enough?
E
And it. Look, it might be with your husband continuing to work. How does he feel about this?
D
He doesn't mind working. Well, also, he runs his own llc, so it's like, he doesn't have the pressures that I do, so. But he is not a fan. He wants me to stay where I'm at because he's very concerned about the healthcare. Rightfully so. So am I. I think we both feel like we've got enough savings. That's no problem. I feel like we could. And if we didn't have, you know, we would probably sell this house, frankly, eventually. Yeah. Like, we're not worried about that piece of it, and we know it's worth a good amount. But now he's not a. I don't think he's a fan. He doesn't love seeing me unhappy, but I don't think he's a fan of me retiring early. But he would be a fan of that if we could get health care, I think. And he doesn't mind working, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. He's not like, hey, you work, and I'm gonna kick back and relax. He likes to work, and he likes what he's doing. I guess my short answer is I don't think he's a fan of this idea, like, of me retiring. He's like, we kind of need to wait a little bit longer. And it feels like the days are just brutal.
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It is so frustrating.
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E
Have you looked for another job?
D
I don't even have time. That's the thing I keep saying to myself. I've got to maybe set a plan to look. But it's like on the weekends, the last thing I want to do is open up my computer. I know it's an excuse, but it's hard to. When I work sometimes, sometimes till like 11 o' clock at night or midnight after I've worked all day.
E
Does your employer offer any sort of sabbatical, any sort of part time? I mean, I'm wondering if there's. If there is a way to stay and make it better than it is now.
D
So they do offer sabbaticals. You have to be here. I think it's 15 years, so I certainly won't be doing that. And in terms of part time and those kinds of things, like, I don't see that. Like I could go and be a Fractional employee. Right. Like with an agency, my company hires those people all the time, but it almost feels like you're doing all the work for none of the benefits.
C
Right.
D
Like the big benefits are the stock and the bonuses and all that. Those people don't get any of that. So it's almost like. But I know. I watch these people because I work with them every day. They're fractional employees, but they're working just as hard as the rest of us and they're not getting any of the benefits.
E
Here's what I'd love you to do. And I know that opening the computer for additional time when you are already feeling up to here is a really difficult ask. But I don't see how you get out of this spiral without doing that.
D
Yeah.
E
So for me, when I need to add something to my already busy schedule, I actually do it first thing in the morning. I do it when the emails are light, when nobody's talking to me, and I set the alarm a little bit earlier, half an hour earlier, and just use that time without signing online to knock out whatever it is I have to do. Can you try that? And you may be a night owl compared to me, but can you try to find 30 minutes a day to do some exploratory looking and see if there's any other job prospects where you might be able to find your way into a situation that's a little bit better without losing the benefits?
D
Yeah, I mean, I, for sure, and I am an early bird, so I'm burning the candle on both ends. But, yeah, I do think that's part of the rigor that needs to happen here is really saying, okay, what do I really want? And there's a possibility too, that maybe I can look internally and maybe there's a better opportunity there. I haven't spent the time to do that either. And like I said, a big part of it has just been lack of desire. Like, when I look at jobs out there, they're all kind of what I'm doing now. And so I say, well, is it easier for me to stay the course and just eke out more stock grants? It's so pathetic the way I'm looking at this. But it. That's how it feels to me is like, how do I eke out the next grant?
E
The grant is where I was actually heading next. I don't know how much of the value in your retirement accounts consists of those stock grants and how much those stock grants are actually going to be worth. And they have the potential to completely Change this picture. So I would do two things right now and then maybe you and I should talk again. The first thing I would do is try to do a little looking internally and externally. The second thing I do is move that appointment with a financial advisor way up so that you can put some real numbers with this and understand, I mean, it is possible that that stock is worth so much more than I know that you could do this now
C
and not even blink.
E
But without having that information, I'm afraid to say, yeah, go ahead. Because I don't want 86 year old you to be looking back and thinking, ugh, if I had only worked two more years, that's not an okay scenario to look at. And number three, I want you to price out health insurance. Go and figure out what it would cost on the exchange and see if your husband through his LLC can price it out as well. Right. I'm not sure if there's, if there's a group that he could get into, but those three things and then let's have another conversation.
D
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. And what I quoted you, the 3.2 is just 401s and IRAs. The 430 was vested stock, so that's 30k. And then I get every quarter I get 25 more. So I'm just.
E
You're just adding to it.
C
Yeah.
E
So financial advisor, health insurance, a little sleuthing internally and externally. And I don't know if there is anything that you can do with the job that you have now to. I mean, you shouldn't be working till 11 at night. Right. It may just be the way it is. But if there are any internal shifts possible to relieve a little bit of the pressure.
D
Yeah. I think part of it is also just me not, not doing that and seeing what happens. Like what happens if I don't work till 11? What happens the next day? Do I catch up? Is it overwhelming? Does anybody care? Like, I mean, I have to. That's part of it too is I'm trying to take this attitude of like, so what if I don't care so much?
C
I would try that.
E
I would set a clock and stop at 10 and then stop at 9 and see if that makes your life measurably better.
D
Yeah, definitely.
C
Because if they don't care as much
E
as you care, then you're essentially doing this to yourself.
D
Right? Exactly. Yeah. And that would be probably harder than anything else is breaking that cycle and breaking that habit. Because I've always worked very hard. Not this hard. Never thought I'D work this hard. Not even close.
C
All right. And Hailey will reach out and we'll get another conversation on the books after
E
you talk to the advisor and we'll
C
see where it goes.
D
Sounds great.
E
Okay. All right.
C
Good luck. Thanks, Louise. Yeah.
D
Thank you, Jean.
C
And before we go, if you love today's episode, please take a moment to leave us a five star review on Apple Podcast. Your feedback means the world to me, but it also helps other women find the show. And if you're ready to grow your investing skills and make smarter decisions with your money, come join Investing Fix, our twice monthly Women Only Invest club. Expert stock pickers bring ideas to the table and together we help build a portfolio. Since launching four years ago, we've built a strong track record and more importantly, a community of women who are learning and winning together. Tap the link in the show notes to check out Investing Fix today. Your first two classes are always free. Her Money is produced by Hayley Pasqualini and our music is provided by Video Helper. Thanks for listening and we'll talk soon.
This episode features an in-depth "Ask Me Anything" with listener Louise, who is considering early retirement after 25 years in the high-tech industry. With over $3 million saved, Louise wonders if she can step away from her high-pressure job to focus on family and personal well-being—but her husband is concerned they can't afford it, especially due to healthcare costs. Jean guides Louise through her options, highlighting the unique pressures on women in similar situations, and breaks down the financial, emotional, and practical aspects of the retirement dilemma.
Throughout, Jean’s advice balances warmth, realism, and financial rigor. She validates Louise’s exhaustion—“Burnout is real”—but insists on homework and clarity before any big leap. Her signature blend of empathy and firmness provides Louise (and listeners) reassurance that financial freedom isn’t just about what’s in the account, but also about the choices made around work, money, and self-care.