HerMoney with Jean Chatzky: Episode Summary – “My Male Managers Don’t Respect Me. How Do I Stand Up for Myself?”

In this insightful episode of HerMoney with Jean Chatzky, Jean welcomes Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of the renowned etiquette expert Emily Post. Lizzie, co-author of the latest edition of Emily Post's Business Etiquette and co-host of the Etiquette Podcast, joins Jean to address the evolving dynamics of workplace etiquette in 2025, particularly focusing on the unique challenges women face in professional settings.

Guest Introduction: Lizzie Post and the Legacy of Emily Post

[04:11]
Jean Chatzky introduces Lizzie Post, highlighting her expertise and the continuation of Emily Post's legacy in modern business etiquette. Lizzie provides a brief overview of Emily Post’s transition from a socialite to an influential author on etiquette, emphasizing her practical approach that balanced elite standards with everyday applicability. This legacy, now five generations strong, underscores the enduring relevance of etiquette in professional environments.

Notable Quote:
"Emily Post was essentially a socialite from the turn of the century, and she became an independent working woman, mother of two. I think she really found a lot of value in that life." – Lizzie Post [04:44]

Evolving Business Etiquette in 2025

Jean and Lizzie delve into why business etiquette feels more confusing than ever. They attribute this complexity to various factors, including generational shifts, changing work cultures, and the lingering effects of the pandemic. The rise of casual work environments and the questioning of traditional standards, such as dress codes and work-life balance, contribute to this evolving landscape.

Notable Quote:
"The millennial generation has really started to question why standards are applied. Do I work better in that suit or am I just as good in my leggings?" – Lizzie Post [07:04]

Lizzie also discusses how remote work during the pandemic has disrupted traditional social behaviors and norms, leading to a generation of workers who may lack certain in-person professional skills.

Listener Questions and Expert Advice

1. Speaking Up as the Only Woman in the Room

Question from Virginia:
Virginia expresses frustration about being the only woman in a strategy meeting with older male colleagues, feeling overlooked and seeking tips to stay confident.

Lizzie’s Advice:
Lizzie encourages Virginia to actively participate without waiting to be invited. She advises using conversational skills to insert herself thoughtfully into discussions and to assertively advocate for her ideas.

Notable Quote:
"Don’t wait to be invited. Say that great thought that you have. Use your conversational skills to insert yourself in the moments when it feels right." – Lizzie Post [09:03]

When ideas are co-opted by male colleagues, Lizzie recommends making ownership clear by attributing ideas to oneself from the outset.

Notable Quote:
"Use 'I' words from the get-go. It’s a lot harder to get stepped on." – Lizzie Post [12:34]

2. Negotiating Salary with a Competing Offer

Question from an Anonymous Listener:
The listener is considering a new job offer with a significantly higher salary but prefers to stay at her current company. She seeks advice on negotiating without burning bridges.

Lizzie’s Strategy:
Lizzie advises expressing gratitude for the current role while transparently presenting the competing offer. She suggests clearly communicating the need to consider the offer and inquiring if the current employer can match or improve upon it.

Notable Quote:
"Tell them how you feel about them, how grateful you are, and that this other offer has come unexpectedly into your life." – Lizzie Post [14:28]

Jean’s Input:
Jean recommends not settling for a “middle ground” and emphasizes the importance of standing firm to maximize potential compensation.

Notable Quote:
"Don't let them be the ones to take that portion off the table." – Jean Chatzky [16:00]

3. Addressing Toxic Work Environments and Being Treated as a Daughter

Question from an Anonymous Listener:
The listener feels undervalued and treated like a daughter by her managers in a toxic work environment. She contemplates leaving for a better position with only a slight pay increase.

Lizzie’s Guidance:
Lizzie acknowledges the difficulty of changing entrenched perceptions and suggests directly addressing the issue by expressing the desire to be seen as a professional peer rather than a child.

Notable Quote:
"When someone says they see you like a daughter, it is okay to say, 'I appreciate the sentiment, but I would prefer to be seen as a colleague, not a child.'" – Lizzie Post [22:31]

Jean concurs, emphasizing that a toxic environment warrants moving on despite a modest pay increase.

Notable Quote:
"The word toxic means get out of there and go into this new job." – Jean Chatzky [22:31]

4. Understanding Unlimited Paid Time Off (PTO)

Question from Holly:
Holly is overwhelmed with work and anxious about returning to the office. She asks about the practicality of unlimited PTO offered by some companies.

Lizzie’s Perspective:
Lizzie expresses skepticism about unlimited PTO, likening it to a managerial trap. She emphasizes that, like other workplace norms, the effectiveness of unlimited PTO depends on company culture and established standards.

Notable Quote:
"Look at the people at the company who have the positions that you want and how they're handling it, and you follow their lead." – Jean Chatzky [26:13]

A Unique Listener Inquiry: Hiring Someone to Quit Your Job

Jean’s Question:
Jean brings up a Washington Post story about services that hire someone to quit a job on your behalf and asks Lizzie’s thoughts.

Lizzie’s Response:
Lizzie finds the concept short-lived due to the personal nature of resignations. She emphasizes the importance of making a good last impression and suggests that handling resignations personally strengthens professional networks.

Notable Quote:
"Quitting a job is an opportunity to make a really good last impression." – Jean Chatzky [28:51]

Conclusion and Further Resources

Jean and Lizzie wrap up the episode by encouraging listeners to embrace strong business etiquette practices as they navigate modern workplaces. Jean promotes Lizzie’s new book, Emily Post's Business Etiquette, as a valuable resource for professionals at every career stage.

Final Notable Quote:
"If you love today's episode, please take a moment to leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcast." – Jean Chatzky [29:53]

Lizzie expresses her willingness to return for future discussions, highlighting the ongoing need for refined etiquette in the evolving business landscape.

This episode provides actionable advice for women facing respect and recognition challenges in the workplace. By blending timeless etiquette principles with contemporary workplace realities, Lizzie Post offers valuable strategies for asserting oneself confidently and professionally.