#382: The Jewel Heist

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle #382: The Jewel Heist

Release Date: November 12, 2025
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around a real-life jewel heist at the Louvre that tickled the hosts' imaginations, sparking a freewheeling blend of riffing, improv, personal banter, and—eventually!—a hearty serving of audience-submitted riddles. While the gang gets existential about the nature of their work, deal with Erin’s sleep deprivation, and dabble in skunk-related mysteries, the hosts return repeatedly to the central themes of inspiration, memory, and what connects their on-mic antics to real life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Real-Life Louvre Jewel Heist and Its HRR Parallels

[03:00 - 08:00]

• Erin excitedly shares a news story: "There was a jewel heist at the Louvre."
• The gang riffs on how this could’ve been inspired by their previous podcast scenes ("...were we?"), and imagines the culprits are HRR listeners.
• Joke connections to various pop culture jewel heists (Ocean’s 8, The Great Muppet Caper).
• Discussion of the odd detail—"they dropped the most expensive thing they got on the sidewalk... a $10 billion crown"—which they see as a sign it was their “influence.”
• Quote (Erin, [04:02]): "On their way out, they did it. They managed to get away, but they dropped the most expensive thing... a $10 billion crown..."

2. Improvised Scenes Inspired by the Heist

[07:13 - 09:59]

• The hosts jump straight into playful improv:
  • Adal as a getaway driver and JPC as the bumbling thief who dropped the crown.
  • Extended riffing on whether or not their characters are French ("Are we French or no?").
  • French language jokes and intentionally bad translations (“Merd, merd!”).
  • Quick tangent into a scene with "French Bugs Bunny," Daffy Duck, Donald Duck stealing necklaces from the Louvre.

3. Language, Affectation, and Speech Patterns

[10:06 - 12:29]

• They contemplate the phrase "How you say..." and discuss cultural speech quirks.
• Jokes about Italian hand gestures contrasting with French verbal “stalls.”
• Erin relays advice from a French-speaking friend: "Luxuriate in the Frenchness of the sounds—makes the language easier to communicate in.”

4. The HRR Persona: Are the Hosts Frozen in Time?

[13:39 - 16:54]

• Erin comments on her exhaustion, noting it's the "first HRR episode on no sleep in four or five years."
• Reflection: Do long-running podcasters freeze at the age when the show started?
• "Sometimes I feel like I have to put my 25-year-old Erin mask on today." (Erin, [15:01])
• Mixed responses: Adal doesn’t connect strongly to the notion, JPC always feels his age.

5. Agony Aunt Erin: Solving Personal Problems

[17:12 - 20:56]

• Erin offers to untangle co-hosts’ personal dilemmas instead of riddles in her sleep-deprived state.
• Adal asks: How do I let go of physical stuff?
  • Erin gives compassionate but practical advice about sentimentality and attachment.
  • Exchange about Adal’s painting: “My soul is in that painting. So if it burns, I burn.” (Adal, [19:14])
• JPC’s real-world admin struggle: How to send a fax in 2025?
  • Erin: "You can do it at your local UPS or FedEx. Or maybe a local library."

6. Corporate Frustrations and Life Riffs

[21:48 - 23:18]

• JPC rants about telecom companies’ contradictory behavior (AT&T offering discounts only when threatened with cancellation).
• Further banter about therapy appointment reminders and companies’ sneaky policies.

7. Riddles from Listeners: Warmup Round and Flag Designs

[30:01 - 33:39]

• Will Parsons (listener) sends several riddles; the hosts solve them and riff on “flag” designs for the show.
• Memorable moment: Imagining a "Neon Green" Hey Riddle Riddle flag ("The flag’s two thirds neon green so far").

8. Child Winery Scene & Parenting Banter

[26:29 - 29:56]

• Improv scene: Adal as a child who owns a winery, Erin as a hapless visitor (“We are the number one child winery in Napa Valley!”).
• Transition to family life: JPC’s anecdotes about his toddler making “coffee” at bedtime, further riffing on the realism of little kids’ logic.

9. Riddles Continue: Wordplay and Game Mechanics

[34:09 - 35:01]

• Riddles involving “waves” at sports stadiums, leading to an extended scene about awkwardly trying to start the wave at a Yankees game.

10. Tangents: The Nature of Sleep, Larry the Cable Guy’s Emotional Story, Skunks

[47:18 - 55:52]

• Extended, tangential digression on Larry the Cable Guy: how he wept with joy upon getting the "Cars" role ("I used to make fun of... Larry the Cable Guy in Cars. Then I found out he cried—and now I'm going to ease up on him." —Adal, [48:06])
• Skunk stories: Erin encounters “two skunks patrolling my front lawn,” suspects Adal and JPC are "behind the skunks."
• Scene: Skunks at a party, JPC as a skunk trying to flirt.

11. Final Riddle Set: Themed Around ‘Review Crew’ Foods

[61:49 - 65:20]

• Listener Chris from Atlanta submits food-themed riddles inspired by past episodes.
• Answers include “maple syrup,” “cake,” “Outback,” “grapes,” “orange soda”—all referencing iconic taste tests on HRR’s Patreon show.
• Brief nostalgic riff about “Bloomin’ Onion” vs. “Awesome Blossom.”

12. Wrap-up, Reviews, Tour Plugs

[65:24 - End]

• Audience review read: Listener has listened since age 14, now 20.
• Erin and Adal remind listeners about tour stops and Patreon bonus episodes.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Louvre Heist:
  • "On their way out, they did it. They managed to get away, but they dropped the most expensive thing... a $10 billion crown." — Erin, [04:02]
• Improv, French-ness:
  • "Are we French or no?" — Adal, [07:30]
  • "Are we human, or are we French?" — JPC, [07:50]
• On Podcast Time Freeze:
  • "Do you feel, you know, how celebrities get frozen at the age that they become famous?... Like, when you show up and we're doing Hey Riddle Riddle, that you are the age that we started this podcast?" — Erin, [14:45]
• Advice on Letting Go:
  • "The emotion you’re attaching to that thing is not actually in there. Like, it’s in your body. It’s in your physical being." — Erin, [18:34]
• AT&T Rant:
  • "AT&T sent me a little email: 'Hey, in two months, we're going to up your price by $5...' I say: 'No, you won't.' They're like: 'You're actually right and we're gonna charge you less.'" — JPC, [22:59]
• On Stereotypes and Language:
  • "The affectation that you put on it... luxuriate in the Frenchness of the sounds and that makes the language easier to communicate in." — Erin, [10:28]
• Child Winery Scene:
  • "Welcome to Napa Time Wineries. We are the number one child winery in Napa Valley!" — Adal as Chance, the child vintner, [27:13]
• Skunk Patrol:
  • "Two skunks were patrolling our front lawn, going back and forth... you guys, and I know I'm acting a little paranoid... but it felt like... you [Adal, JPC] are behind those skunks." — Erin, [54:40]
• Meta-Podcast Reflection:
  • "The ratio of riddles in this episode ends up being pretty good." — Erin, [45:53]

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Important Timestamps

• [03:00] – The Louvre jewel heist news sparks the episode’s central theme.
• [07:13] – Improvised scene: The getaway driver & the dropped crown.
• [14:45] – Deep dive: Are the hosts frozen at the age they started?
• [18:34] – Erin’s advice about holding onto sentimental items.
• [22:59] – JPC’s story of strong-arming AT&T into a lower price.
• [26:29] – Child winery improv scene (“Napa Time Wineries”).
• [33:39] – Imagining a Hey Riddle Riddle “flag” design.
• [47:18] – Larry the Cable Guy’s emotional response to getting his Pixar role.
• [54:40] – Erin’s skunk story, birthing improvised skunk party scene ([57:02]).
• [61:49] – Review Crew-themed riddles.
• [65:53] – Listener review, plugs, episode sign-off.

---

Episode Tone & Takeaways

As always, “Hey Riddle Riddle” is more an improv and friendship show than a focused puzzle podcast. Jokes are frequent, the riddles serve as launchpads for imaginative bits, and the conversation glides fluidly from slapstick roleplay to heartfelt vulnerability (especially from Erin this week). The energy is particularly loopy thanks to Erin’s exhaustion, leading to more raw, tangential, sometimes surreal exchanges.

For newcomers:
This episode is an excellent example of the show’s meandering, joke-first style—riffing, personal stories, then riddles acting as a mere scaffolding for the humor and camaraderie. The Louvre heist motif supplies delightful connective tissue for a characteristically chaotic, clever, and cozy installment.

Transcript

[A]

This is a headgun podcast. Whoa, guys, that recording was crazy. We played all sorts of characters and my brain's like, we. Whoa. We. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I need to find a way to unwind. What to do, what to do, what to do.

[B]

Aaron, you are not wrong. That last recording that we did for the podcast. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. Was a doozy.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I sort of. I sort of, like, tweaked my back playing Kung Fu Shrimp. Remember that character Kung Fu Shrimp? I sort of threw my back out. So I'm looking for, like, a natural way to, like, relieve aches and discomfort. You know, I'm not as young as I once was, but yeah, maybe. Oh, maybe like cornbread hemp CBD gummies, right? I feel like that's been a huge piece of my wellness plan recently.

[A]

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[C]

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[B]

Oh, yeah. Cord bread hemp. That's right. They're CBD gummies and all of their products are third party, lab tested and USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. Now I know exactly what you guys are talking about, and I feel like I can really participate.

[A]

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[B]

D, D, L, E. Don't just take it from us. Take it from. I want to say Kung Fu Shrimp.

[C]

Hello, I'm Kung Fu Shrimp. Everyone, let's chop these boards.

[A]

Adel, you're going to really hurt yourself.

[C]

These surf boards.

[B]

There we go. Oh, he's back. Oh, he's back.

[C]

Give me another gummy. Another gummy, please.

[B]

The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice away. And the horses ain't right.

[A]

Guys, I wasn't going to show up today, but I got really excited about something, so I decided to come to the show.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

This is like a 382 week streak of you doing that, Erin.

[A]

Yes. Mm. But guess what? I read the news and I read a piece of news that sounded like a. Hey, Riddle. Riddle scene premise.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

And it warmed my heart and it made me really happy.

[C]

Can we hear that?

[A]

There was a Jewel heist at the Louvre.

[B]

I didn't know they sell jewel pods at the Louvre. That's pretty cool.

[A]

No, I mean, they have a full display of, like, old French jewels.

[B]

How much they smoke in France. They really wouldn't be on, like, the whole E. Cigarettes.

[A]

When was the last time you opened a book?

[B]

I guess I've hollowed out a book to hide my jewel pods in. Does that count, Adol?

[A]

Does that not feel like a scene that we did in 2021 where I'm like, okay, Adol, you're a French thief. You are going to sneak into the Louvre and steal jewels in four minutes? They took four minutes.

[C]

Now we have to assume that these three Frenchmen or French women.

[A]

Three French hens.

[C]

Thank you. Two turtledoves, two calling birds, one theft. We have to assume that they are. Hey, Riddle. Riddle listeners. Of course they heard us do a scene exactly like that or somewhat similar, and they were inspired to pull off a heist.

[A]

That's exactly what I was thinking. You know how I know they were inspired by us? Is on their way out. They did it. They managed to get away, but they dropped the most expensive thing that they got on the sidewalk, which was a $10 billion crown. Holy crown. With like a hundred and something. Different types of diamonds.

[C]

Did you say three people?

[A]

I don't know how many. I think there was like, four. One guy had a little ladder on the outside, cut a hole in a window. Two guys went in when the museum opened, which I thought was super polite.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Cut open.

[C]

Give him a chance.

[A]

Jewels through the window. They took off. Took four minutes. And I read it. And first of all, I was like, no one got hurt. Those jewels are definitely stolen from somewhere. This is just. The world turns around and round and round.

[B]

I don't know. I mean, let's see. Do we think France ever did any colonialism? I can't Google it right now.

[A]

Open a book that isn't filled with cigarettes or juulpods, please.

[B]

Think about it.

[A]

And I couldn't believe it. I was like, are people gonna just continue to be inspired by the whimsy of our show? I hope so.

[C]

I think so.

[A]

I'd rather the news be filled with stuff like this.

[C]

I do want to ask, where were the three of us while this was happening? Was this us? Were we.

[A]

We were in fra.

[C]

We were in fr.

[B]

I don't think. Judging by our intros, I don't think that we could get anything of substance done in four minutes. I think pay.

[A]

That's so real. You can't hit Us with that much reality in our first recording of the day.

[B]

Now, Eren, fully willing to believe that this was in some way attributed to us or like a scene that we did, even though I don't necessarily typically specifically remember what scene this would have been. Is it also possible that this jewel heist was influenced by the new Shane Black movie that just came out? And by came out, I mean, I think it's like, streaming. I don't think it was perhaps really got like, a theatrical place.

[A]

Also, Ocean's Eight did a jewel heist. Jewel heist's great Muppet caper was technically a jewel heist. I think it's been in the culture for a while, but I think the fact that they dropped the fucking on the way out points the arrow right at us.

[B]

Is there a thing too where it's like that kind of feels like a prestigey thing to do, like the art of misdirection. Like, we drop the most expensive thing on the sidewalk accidentally to, like, throw someone off in a way.

[A]

I don't know, man.

[C]

It does feel like a message of, like. Isn't there a meme of, like, you drop this king and it's like someone dropped a crown?

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Are these youths and they're trying to recreate memes using priceless artifacts?

[A]

I'm gonna make a joke like a boomer would make about that. I don't think they would go into a museum for anything, those youths.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, adol, I don't think the youths are using memes in relation to their overt public acts. I don't think that that's like, a thing that's happening. And it was well documented at all.

[A]

It's good that you don't know that. It means you're alive and you're living.

[B]

A white polite that you don't know that. And it's good that you don't know that.

[A]

I would like to see a scene. Adol, you are the getaway driver. And jpc, you're the one who just dropped the crown on the sidewalk, and you're trying to break it to your friend that you dropped the most expensive thing.

[C]

And jpc, we should decide right now, are we French or no?

[A]

I'd go, no.

[B]

Are we French or no? Are we French or no?

[C]

Are we French or no?

[B]

No.

[A]

I love that an episode title just presents itself so early in the episode.

[C]

What's French for no? Is it like neuf, Neh.

[B]

Neuh. Neh. No. Okay. Are we French or no?

[C]

Are we human or are We French.

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay, okay, okay.

[B]

Merd. Merd. That was quitted during Rever. Drive. French for drive. Aaron, could you be on just like. No, not necessarily what I want. Maybe just like, pull up a French translation and kind of feed us some French words.

[A]

I can't make an offensive guess.

[B]

All right, Aaron, French for drive.

[A]

Do it in an American accent.

[B]

Fuck that. Aaron, start over.

[A]

You got to do the little French fun at the beginning.

[C]

Well, I didn't.

[B]

Here we go.

[C]

Here. I'm French, though.

[A]

Ok. Ok.

[C]

Merd May. Come on. Where is he? Come on, hurry up. This Vespa is. I'm not going to wait too much longer.

[A]

Merd.

[C]

Hurry, Merd. Oh, good. Good. Merding.

[B]

I think that room with someone commenting on my horse. Am I Merd?

[A]

You're playing a different character before your character shows up.

[C]

Why does JPC get to. He keeps being French. I thought it was my turn.

[B]

I'm a different character.

[A]

We're gonna start the scene over. Casey, I'm gonna need you to cut the floor.

[B]

I'm not my character yet. I am a man who is stroking his mare.

[C]

Oh, I wanna see a scene.

[A]

Okay. Great.

[C]

Aaron, your French. Bugs Bunny.

[A]

Great. Hey, what's up?

[C]

The long drag of a cigarette.

[A]

Hey, what's up? He's smoking the carrot. Hey, what's up? Duck. And he's talking to the duck from the show. There's a duck on Looney Tunes.

[B]

Huh?

[C]

The duck on the show.

[B]

The duck on the show.

[A]

The duck. There's a duck on Looney Tunes. Daffy Duck. Cause Donald Duck is Disney.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I want to see a scene.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

One of you is Daffy Duck and one of you is Donald Duck, and you just stole necklaces from the Louvre.

[B]

Got it. Suffering succotash.

[C]

Where is he?

[B]

We got to get out of here.

[C]

Oh, my car is not starting. See, the engine won't turn over.

[A]

I got what I wanted. I got what I needed.

[C]

I do really enjoy that. What's up, Doc? Became.

[A]

Like, how you say, like the.

[C]

Searching for the word. How much of that do we think is affectation and how much of that is sincere in terms of when especially French people do that pause. Is that. Is that. Is that a normal speech pattern for a French person or is that them searching for the word?

[A]

Think about how often I say on this show, I think that that's what that is for them. And when I've. I've gone to France twice with Harrison Lott, who speaks French, incredibly. And he was like. It genuinely helps to. It almost is gonna feel like you're joking. The affectation that you put on it, like luxuriate in the Frenchness of the sounds and that makes the language easier to like communicate in.

[C]

Is there any other language or country though that says how you say, or is it just the French? I think they're mocking us.

[B]

Are they only saying how you say because they're bilingual? Like, I think people who say, who speak in like a non native language oftentimes search for.

[C]

Well, that's what I'm saying is, I mean, my dad is esl, but he never says how you say or goes, Eh.

[A]

I wonder, I wonder what Americans are doing in other languages. Like, what are little silly things.

[C]

Yeah. I have no doubt that there is a process in the head where you have to translate. But I'm saying how you say, I've only heard the French say, what's up, linguists?

[A]

Now is your time to shine. Email hrrpodcastmail.com we'd love to hear.

[B]

So you're saying specifically the words how you say yes, because I've heard other people say like, I don't know the word or yeah. Hilaria Baldwin. Yeah.

[C]

How you say cucumber?

[B]

Speaking of Hilaria Baldwin. The other thing is like that French pause. The other thing that is absolutely like a real thing that people do is like the Italian hands. I mean, you don't realize it until you're like interacting with an Italian person. But a lot of Italian people really gesticulate with their hands a lot.

[C]

Oh, yes. I saw it in action in Italy.

[B]

It's a sight to behold.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, guys, we are back. We just cut 40 minutes out of the show of us going over stereotypes and another different countries. Also, do you think Harrison was messing with me now that I'm thinking about it? Do you think he was just like, yes?

[B]

How do you say yes?

[C]

You say, okay, hurtful.

[B]

How would you say yes?

[C]

How would you say.

[A]

You know, I don't want to be someone who makes excuses, but I want to be honest with our listeners.

[B]

So you want to be like a completely different person?

[C]

So no.

[B]

Excuse me, when is this. Is this starting now? Or when did you decide that you wanted this for your life? Is this like a thing that, like right before your 34th birthday? Are you going to do like another 34 years, like as like a different guy or what. Or what are you doing? Or maybe you. Or what do you think is happening? Or what is. Or what do I think is happening?

[A]

Is there anything better than being teased? And it's so true. And you Cannot argue. There's no universe in which you have the evidence to argue that. Like, I could not. There's no lawyer in the world that would take that case for me. Not one lawyer in the world that would take that case. I literally had a moment this morning where I went, I'm so tired of hearing myself complain. I can't. I'm so tired.

[C]

So you complained to yourself about complaining?

[A]

Yeah, I literally. It was a snake eating itself.

[B]

Well.

[A]

Well, then I'm actually not gonna make, you know what?

[B]

A new list. No, wait. But hold on. I'd love to hear the observation. I just. Maybe you could frame it in a. Here's an observation.

[A]

Here's an observation. This is the first episode of Hayward or Riddle I've done since. In four or five years, where I've done it on no sleep.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And so this is sort of an experiment to see if it changes the alchemy at all. It could be better. I'm genuinely. It could be better. I could be better at riddles. I could be better at reading them. I don't know.

[B]

What's the data gonna tell you, Aaron? If you're exactly the same, it's gonna.

[A]

Really fuck me up. Mentally, physically, spiritually.

[B]

Interesting. See, I. I would go the other way because I would be like, it's an invitation to know that, like, in whatever context you exist in outside of the podcast, within the podcast, you are static, right? Like, within the podcast, like, you could get into, like, a serious car accident. Like, you know, sway out of the car into, like, a recording booth and be like, hey, everybody, it's Eric Kiefitz. Hey, Rylan. Rental, and let's do some rental. Like, it's comforting to know that you could always exist in this.

[A]

That's a really beautiful way of putting it. And I got a question for you guys about doing this show and being able to show up and sort of exist in it. Do you feel. You know, how celebrities get frozen at the age that they become famous? A little bit.

[B]

Oh, we're talking, like, mentally.

[A]

Like, mentally.

[B]

Yeah, sexually for Leonardo DiCaprio.

[A]

Yeah, sexually for him. Do you feel a little bit like, when you show up and we're doing Hay Riddle Riddle, that you are the age that we started this podcast. Like, the way that you would joke at that age in the way that, like. Cause sometimes I feel like sometimes in a way that feels, like, so fun and, like, such a gift is I get to go back to being, like, 25 and the way that I was joking, and sometimes I'm like, I Feel like I have to go, I have to put my 25 year old Aaron mask on today.

[B]

Interesting. Adol. What do you think?

[C]

I haven't really thought about it. I feel like we have an established dynamic, but I don't know if I necessarily feel like I'm beholden to any sort of representation or humor, like humor channel that I've tapped into when we first started.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know. I would say I feel every year, every month, every day, every hour, every minute of my age at all times, I'm constantly, you know, constantly feeling it. So yeah, I don't know. I don't think that I think about like myself in whatever those like Persona of age things. 29, whatever I was. Yeah, I don't think so.

[A]

I would have made that guess. But I feel like I only feel like that because of the age I was at. Like if I had started the show at like 29 when I felt a little bit more established in my sense of self, but like my frontal lobe developed and then I sat down at a recording booth with you guys and I think I was just like that. Age is. Sometimes I think it's a thing I put on myself. I feel like beholden to the version of myself that started the show. But it comes very naturally to me to joke with you guys. This is the kind of non comedy that will be happening today, I guess. Well, I'm a little tired.

[C]

Nomedy.

[A]

Aw.

[C]

Deep bow. Hands clasp. Deep bow.

[B]

Now, Aaron, are you old man puzzles today? I am. Oh, okay. Well then you don't even have to worry about doing riddles.

[A]

Oh, right. Oh yeah, right. I don't have to solve them.

[C]

Although, would it be fun for Erin in her sense of non sleep stupor to read the riddles and then try and solve them?

[A]

Oh, brother. I think that would make me. Hold on. I think I should solve problems that aren't riddles. If you guys have any concerns, any big life things you need untangled, I'm your gal this morning.

[B]

So it has to be individual personal problems. And it can't be like societal problems that you can solve.

[A]

I'll start with personal and then by the end of the episode I'll do some societal.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, the personal becomes the professional. The professional becomes a societal. I mean, we all know this. This is Nietzsche, I believe.

[A]

Nietzsche.

[B]

Nietzsche.

[C]

Nietzsche's rungs.

[B]

Okay, wait, do I have a personal problem that I could. He's gonna say me Aaron to solve for. No, I'm really trying to search. Oh boy. I don't Know, Adel, are you coming up with anything of a personal problem that you can get Aaron to solve?

[C]

How do I let go of stuff?

[A]

Physical stuff.

[C]

Physical stuff.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

You remember you can't take it with you. And that they don't. They don't have to.

[B]

The suitcase is big enough. He took it with him when he moved.

[A]

You can take it with you after you die. But also as someone who has.

[B]

Who brought that up?

[A]

As someone who has some, like, hoarder tendencies, the thing that you like, are the emotion that you're attaching to that thing is not actually in there. Like, it's in your body. It's in your physical being.

[C]

Hmm.

[A]

Thank you. After the LA fires, I started to have really bad anxiety about all the sentimental stuff in my house. And I had to really work on trying to be like, you know what these memories of, like, the Hayward o' Riddle fan art that I have that I'm like, I don't want to lose that. Or like a painting from my friend or like this painting behind me that Adol bought me for my birthday. I'm just like, Adol's care for me and our friendship does not live in that painting.

[C]

Well, actually.

[A]

Do not tell me you did a witch thing with that Adol. I swear to fucking.

[C]

My soul is in that painting. So if it burns, I burn.

[A]

This is literally how my brain can think. You cannot tell me that now. I'm gonna be fucking protect.

[C]

This is my Horcrux. Please protect that with your life.

[A]

Next LA fire. I'm looking at the painting. I'm looking at Lou. I'm looking at the painting. I'm looking at Lou. I have some riddles.

[B]

Wait, I thought of my personal problem.

[A]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[B]

Okay. So my homeowners insurance went up like $500. So I switched home. Homeowners.

[A]

Did they say why?

[B]

Because they can.

[A]

Because they just. They can. Okay?

[B]

Because they. Because fuck you. That's why. That's why everything goes up in price. And I switched homeowners insurance to something that was the exact same price as my old one. So it was like an extra hassle for no additional benefit for myself. But then I got a letter from my mortgage company being like, hey, we don't have any record. We have a record now that you don't have homeowners insurance. Because I guess my new company didn't notify them and they're like, we're now going to buy homeowners insurance for you unless you can prove that you have it. But the only way I can Prove that I have it, which I do, is to fax them my policy. How do I get what.it's 2025? How do I do a. How would I even go about doing a fax at this point?

[A]

I think you can do it at your local UPS and FedEx.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or at least you used to be able to. I also think you can do it at some local libraries.

[B]

Oh, you used to be able to? Yeah. Like in 2008, I believe.

[A]

Well, no. The last time I had to fax something was maybe 2021, and that is what I did. But also, I also think local libraries have it. But I also am willing to call that company and go, hey, I got no skin in this game. Wake up. Wake the fuck up.

[B]

I do love when a company makes it. Absolutely. I mean, it's on purpose, right? They could be like, you could email it, you could scan it, you could email it. But they won't do that. They'll just be like, it's just a fax number. Cause fuck you. That to me is like, that's how you exercise power. If you're like an absolute total bastard, you're like, it's actually harder for me to get a fax. I have, as a company now have to own a fax line, I guess. But fuck you, because that's why we do it.

[A]

I did a therapy years ago that my therapist told me that I will no longer be notified 24 hours before my appointment because if that is when the cancellation charge.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Gets kicked in. And so they stopped doing that notification because people were canceling it in time or moving their appointment in time to not get charged. And so all these companies are just trying to squeeze.

[B]

That's so funny.

[C]

Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

[B]

Also on the flip side of it, and I don't mind putting this company on blast, but my Internet's through AT&T. AT&T sent me a little email that was like, hey, in two months, we're going to up your price by $5 a month. So I went to their chat on. On my phone. Like, I just opened my phone, went to their chat and said, hey, you're raising my service price. I'm going to cancel my service. And they were like, oh, well, please don't cancel your service. Let's see if we can get you a deal. And they were like, what if we lower Your price by $30 a month? And I was like, okay, I'll keep my service. And they're like, okay, great. Thank You. And they were like, and then we'll. We'll send you like a gift card or something. And sometimes they do that and sometimes they don't. And then I ended that interaction, and now my service is $30 cheaper than it was before I started the thing. And I thought to myself, what a terrible email for the company at and T to send. To send an email being like, hey, we're going to actually have to charge you $5 more. And I was like, no, you won't. They're like, you're actually right and we're gonna charge you less. I'm like, that seems to be like a company that doesn't know what it's doing. Because what they should be doing is being like, fuck you, man. Like, you can go, but when it's a mortgage, they're like, you can't go anywhere. Like, you cannot go anywhere. But when it's an Internet provider with other.

[A]

They laugh by a fax machine. Motherfucker.

[B]

This guy just. This guy just remembered, though, he has options versus, like, hey, if you want to, you want to, you know, drink some water, you're going to have to pay the water company, buddy. Yeah, there's no secondary water company for you, like, begging to.

[A]

Ugh. The world is working perfect. And I think I would.

[B]

It's a good world.

[A]

Change a single thing about it. All right, these are from Will Parsons. He him. We can use his full name. And I thought this was very sweet. I want to read his PS first shout out to my long distance friend Andrew, who now lives in Boston. He was delighted to see you all live. Whenever we catch up, we enjoy talking about your latest episodes. Love you guys. Like sisters, Will and Andrew. I want you guys to solve mysteries together. What if you. What if you move to each other's cities so you can hang out all the time? Come on, fellas.

[B]

What if there's a good reason that they have to keep apart Eren? Like they're in witness protection or something like that.

[A]

You think they're both in witness protection?

[C]

Okay, maybe they both swallowed magnets, but they're opposite charged.

[B]

I think Will and Andrew were probably contract killers who worked as a team who kind of, you know, flipped on some of their old clients and now they have to live separately.

[A]

I think Will and Andrew are twins and one parent took one and one parent took the other, and then they're both gonna go to the same summer camp and then they're gonna switch spots and then they're gonna get to be a family in the end.

[B]

I mean, it's not a new observation. But it's fucked up that in that at no point in the movie, the Parent Trap, do they ever talk about how fucked up it is to just each parent take one kid.

[A]

I think about it all the time.

[B]

There should at least be one line of dialogue in that movie where they're like, what were we thinking?

[A]

Yeah, this was morally horrible.

[B]

Although, what parent traumatizing.

[A]

I mean, this is the classic debate, but both houses are very dreamy. Both parents are very dreamy. Which are you picking? Are you going to Napa?

[B]

This is a tough question because Napa.

[A]

Has Chessy, who's their housekeeper, who's super charming. And then you're like, right, riding horses. And you get to be outside, but the mom is in London and the.

[B]

Mom'S got the butler.

[A]

Right, the butler and the sweet grandpa.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, just based on the current state of the world, I kind of. Well, no, London's not much better. Oh, can I die?

[A]

Yes. So KPC chooses death. Adolf, I choose death. What do I put you down for?

[B]

I gotta have it with Jesus.

[C]

I'll go Napa now.

[A]

See? Okay, I'm glad I asked this because I've been a London girl through and through my whole life. The scene where Hallie gets to go and stay with her mom for the first time, and she's at her mom's dresser and vanity and she's touching her necklaces and her lamp and all of her things is what I imagined. Being a grown woman is like my whole apartment looks like I'm trying to live in that space.

[C]

Is that why you're always touching jewelry?

[A]

Yeah, I'm always like, this is what adults do. And don't implicate me more with the heist. Adel, I was already there. I was there. I just wanted to see the Mona.

[B]

Lisa based on Adol saying that he would like to go live in Napa. I do want to see a quick scene. Adol, you are going to be a child who owns a winery. And Aaron, you are just a person kind of doing a winery tour a la Sideways. And you're at this child's winery.

[A]

Great. All right. Map says this is the best place for a Vermintino. Let me.

[C]

Welcome. Come in, come in.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

How are we doing today? Sorry, I know you're just one person, but I've seen on TV where adults say, how are we doing today?

[A]

Is someone here? I'm the.

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

Down. Look down. Sorry. Look down.

[A]

Oh, hey, little boy. Where are your parents?

[B]

Hello.

[C]

My parents currently are on vacation In Jamaica, they're on their third honeymoon.

[A]

Okay. Are you wearing khakis and a blazer?

[C]

You know it, baby. My name is Chance and welcome to Napa Time Wineries.

[A]

Oh, your eyes got a little heavy when you said that.

[C]

Sorry. Talking about wine makes me sweepy. Especially Napa Time wine.

[A]

Oh, there you go. Your eyes are.

[C]

Can I hit you up with some samples? We are the number one child winery in Napa Valley. We've been rated number one child winery in the world, actually. We're actually the number one only child winery in the world. We've been awarded that.

[A]

You keep looking over at your blanket and like your stuffed animal.

[C]

No, I've left those things in the past. I'm a. I'm an adult, man.

[A]

Every time. If I said Napa again, that maybe that would trigger a yawn. I thought it might.

[C]

Do you know how to turn on the oven also? Would you like to try shut away?

[A]

Um, you know, I'm a little tipsy already. I'll try whatever this is.

[C]

Okay, so what this is, is pressed apple juice. We add just a drop of wine to make it.

[A]

Oh, there's no alcohol in this, huh?

[C]

No, there is. Legally, it's wine. It's a.0001 proof alcohol.

[A]

I'm kind of eat prey drinking right now, so I'm gonna head out.

[C]

Not sure what that means.

[A]

Nappa. Nappa. Nappa, Nappa, Nappa.

[B]

See, sending the little kid to sleep by just saying nappa, napa, Napa, napa. When in fact, a lot of times you say nap to a kid. It's the opposite.

[A]

They zoom.

[B]

The absolute opposite.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Jbc.

[A]

Does your kid just take off running from you sometimes?

[B]

Um, yes. Also, if I like, ask them a question that they don't want to answer, they'll just kind of turn around and walk away. That's smart. That's awesome. But what they've. They've been doing this recently where when it's like bedtime, when it gets to be like 6 o', clock, 6:30, it's time for bed. They start. They have a little play kitchen. They start making coffee for everyone. And they're like, coffee, coffee. And I'm like, no.

[A]

Like a grown up at a dinner party being like, well, I think it's.

[B]

More just like it could be grown up at the dinner party more. What I think it is is we make coffee when we wake up. So I think that they are like, hey, the day is just starting. It's time for coffee. No need to think about, has it ever worked?

[A]

Have they ever gaslit you into thinking it was in the morning?

[B]

I'm a very simple bitch, Aaron. Of course it works on me. It'll be like three in the morning. I'll be like, wait a second. I've been tricked. I've been tricked. My child made me coffee.

[C]

I've been over there when they do that, and it's like they get out a frying pan and they're like, coffee. And I'm like, I don't know what you think you're doing, but yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, yeah, they pour the coffee there. They put a wooden spoon in there. And I'm like, yeah, we wouldn't be sipping coffee out of a wooden spoon.

[A]

All right, we gotta do some riddles before break or I'm gonna get angry messages. Here we go.

[B]

Okay, fine.

[A]

From Will. Dedicated to his friend Andrew. Could be across, could be stars, could be plane. A top circus.

[B]

Grave stars.

[A]

I am Lane. If there's reason to frown, I'm likely half down in this camp game. My captures your aim.

[C]

Flag.

[B]

Flag.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Flag.

[C]

Well.

[A]

Well, should we.

[B]

Any more brain busters for us? These are warm up professional assets.

[A]

These are. First of all, they never claimed to be that. Also, these are warm up riddles. So this is good. We're warming up.

[B]

They wouldn't claim to be that. I mean, I'm reading between the lines a little, but it's like, I fucking know. You know, I'm pretty fucking sure.

[A]

I just realized that the next, like, few hours of recording for me, I'm gonna be tired. But this is gonna be weeks for everybody listening at home. We're gonna have to deal with this version of me for weeks. Sorry.

[C]

Can we design and sell. Hey, riddle flags? Like, what if we made a certain design? Like, not just our logo, which is awesome, but maybe like, a design of, like, here's a flag, if you support.

[A]

Okay. I love it.

[B]

Okay, so everybody, every. Flags are usually multiple colors. I don't think that there's. I don't think that there's any one that just uses a single color flag. Maybe, like, someone who uses, like, one color with different, like, shades could be a flag. But there's three of us, so a lot of flags have three colors. I say we each pick a color.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, great.

[C]

Neon green.

[A]

I'm gonna go with neon green. So the flag's two thirds neon green so far.

[C]

Well.

[B]

I wanted to go first because now it's going to make me look like an asshole. Because I wanted to say neon green.

[A]

Okay. We invented brat Summer again.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Hear me out. What if it's three people sneaking into the Louvre to steal jewels?

[C]

Okay?

[B]

And that's a flag that you hang outside of, like, art museums and stuff.

[A]

New. New game. If anyone feels inspired at home, you can design a hay riddle riddle flag, and we'll take a look, and then we'll let you know if it's a winning choice.

[B]

The new game is that we'll take a look. We'll take a look. We'll take a look.

[A]

We'll take a look. Some keep me, others do not. In Exodus, I'm speaking and hot. Could be George, could be Rose where the blueberry grows Old mazes did use me a lot.

[B]

I like this riddle, and I think that the longer it went on, the more sure I was that I got it. I feel like. I feel like if it had been, like, the first two rhymes or first two lines of it, I would have been lost. But I think it's bush.

[A]

Yes, it is. It is bush. I do think that that makes for a good riddle is it gets more specific and easier to get the longer the riddle goes.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. It's like, I think a riddle like that the rest of the riddle should be the hint for the riddle. I don't think I've ever heard. Has anyone ever given us a riddle where the hint was like more of the riddle, you know? You know what I'm saying? Like, sometimes the hint is like, think about, you know, an aviary or something like that. Whereas this hint could just be, like, two more lines of the riddle.

[A]

Well, would you like to try that for these? There's three more, and we can do line by line to see if that feels fun.

[B]

No, I like to feel smart. I like to hear the whole thing and then just, like, feel really smart about getting the riddle. All right, but I guess I'll try it your fun way.

[A]

Aaron.

[B]

If it's as much fun as we'll take a look, then maybe this is. Maybe this is.

[A]

We'll take a look. Was a real indicator of no sleep. I was like, I don't know how to end this sentence.

[B]

Erin devising a game, and she's like. And at the end of the game, we'll all count up how many fingers we have. And we're like, well, hold on. What was the point of the game?

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could be physical or over the air used to signal a friend over there.

[B]

Okay, stop there. Could be. Could be physical or in the air.

[A]

Or over the air.

[C]

Over the air used to signal a friend over there. Is this like Internet? Is this like smoke signals?

[B]

Is this ham?

[C]

Like ham radio telephone lines?

[A]

You just throw a full Christmas ham at your friend to get their attention?

[B]

Yeah, I guess it's not really a friend, but if I'm like courting, yes, I'd throw a full ham.

[A]

I'm going to give you the next little bit.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

With empty seats at the game, I become rather lame.

[C]

Empty Ticketmaster. With empty seats at the game, Empty.

[B]

Seats at the game. So we're thinking about those chairs that automatically fold up when you sit up from them. Is that the answer?

[A]

Okay, but I do I actually, I think this might be my favorite riddle of the pack. Although I did like the one right before it too. But this one's really good. Could be physical or over the air, used to signal a friend over there. With empty seats at the game, I become rather lame.

[C]

Got it. Oh, is this a wave?

[A]

Yes. Wave or waves. I'd like to see a scene. Jpc, you and Adol are at a baseball game and JPC keeps trying to start the wave. Adol, but he's doing a bad job and you're really embarrassed that he's causing this ruckus.

[B]

Hey, excuse me.

[C]

Yes?

[B]

Hey, I'm from section 213. It's about six sections over.

[C]

Oh, I don't need that information.

[B]

No, yeah, yeah.

[C]

What do you want? Well, sorry, my son's about to pitch his first game. What do you want?

[B]

Yeah, okay. Oh, wow, your son's on the Yankees.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, congratulations.

[C]

My son is Mariano Rivera.

[B]

That's awesome, mister.

[C]

I think he's going to have a very good career.

[B]

I hope so. I am a huge fan of your son and of the institution and of the sport.

[C]

Are you mocking me? This is his first game.

[B]

Well, it's not his first game of baseball.

[C]

No, you're right. I'm sorry, I apologize.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I follow the sport that deeply that I. Whatever comes before the MLB is where I kind of start.

[C]

I've been. Kurt. My name is Jason.

[B]

Oh, hey, Kurt.

[C]

Oh, I didn't hear to say that. Sorry. Let me give you my full attention. You're from section something. What do you want?

[B]

I'm from 213. I have been trying to start the wave in 213. I saw that. Yes. And it's not going well. So I'm kind of just running around the stadium identifying people of charisma, people I think that have leadership potential, leadership qualities, and I'm trying to enlist them.

[A]

Came up and looked at me and then kind of blew Right by me.

[B]

Oh, I thought. Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you with this. Are you with this person?

[A]

Yeah, this. Hey, honey, come on. Well, ex.

[C]

Ex wife.

[B]

You're both here for your son, but you're not married anymore.

[A]

I'm his mother. I made his bones and his teeth him.

[B]

You're Kurt's mother?

[A]

Yes. No, not Kurt.

[C]

My name is not Kurt.

[B]

Well, I'm sorry.

[A]

I could turn the wave. I have charisma.

[B]

I think that's great. If you maybe want to work together, like co captains of this section or something. I just. I'm sorry. On my way over here, I watched you yell for a hot dog three times, and you got ignored. And so it just didn't feel like you had, like, the leadership qualities that I was looking for.

[A]

Yeah. And one of those 10 times, the hot dog guy asked me if I wanted anything. I told him what I wanted, and then he walked away.

[C]

And the second time, he said, get back to work to you. I think you worked there.

[B]

I do think it is the polo that you're wearing, which I think looks nice, but it kind of does look like when you see someone wearing, like, a blue polo and a Best Buy, and you go up to them and say, excuse me, do you know where the DVDs are? And they, like, just turn around and it's just a person wearing a blue polo. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Yeah. Or if you go to Target and you see someone wearing a red polo at the target, and you're like, where are the DVDs? And they turn around, it's just the person.

[A]

This is my lucky polo in my lucky visor, in my lucky tray that I bring to every baseball game.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, then it's so I.

[A]

No, you're talking to my ex. Ask him to start the wave. I'm not here. I'm not here.

[B]

I actually have a lot of sections to hit, so maybe it's like one of the things that your whole section could decide kind of by themselves. And then when I start the wave back in 2013, it's gonna be a while. Cause I have to make it through most of the stadium just to get enough people kind of to rally to my cause. Then you guys join in, maybe kind of put aside everything else that's kind of going on, and just kind of focus on the spirit of the Wave and the joy of baseball and how does that sound?

[C]

Yeah, I just feel like I'm not a big fan of the Wave. It feels like the whole point of the Wave is For whoever started it to get, like, validation. No offense.

[A]

We missed it. We missed the game. It's over.

[C]

Oh, shit.

[B]

How do they do? How do they do?

[A]

Oh, brother. Here we go. Like, you know what? I want to take a break.

[B]

Oh, okay. We've done two riddles. We should take a break.

[A]

We did three riddles.

[B]

And that's why we deserve a break.

[A]

A Napa, if you will.

[B]

Hey, Adel, Aaron. Ask any small business owner and what'll they say? They'll tell you that finances get messy quick. A bank account here, Quickbooks there, Tax and invoicing apps stacked on top. Before long, you're buried in expensive tools, behind on books and unsure where your business really stands. That's why there's Found.

[A]

Oh, thank goodness. Yeah, you were talking about that and I was like, that sounds so stressful. And it doesn't seem like there's a solution, but I guess there is.

[C]

Yeah. Found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Banking, bookkeeping, invoices, taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps. Bleh. Barf. Outdated apps.

[A]

They've automated things like tracking expenses, finding write offs, and budgeting for tax time. You can even send invoices for free and pay your contractors everything from one app.

[B]

Yeah, prior to finding Found, I was actually using an app called Lost. And I gotta say, this is a terrible app for banking. You would constantly log in and they'd be like, oops, sorry. There'd be like a little shrugging emoticon of a person who lost all of your finances. They never kept records. They had a little button that was record shredding, but it was right next to the login button. So sometimes you would just shred your entire account when you were trying to log in.

[A]

That's so scary, Mr. JPC, sir.

[C]

Yeah, Mr. JPC. Don't use lost. Use Found.

[B]

One thing that I love about Found is that it automatically tracks expenses, which means that I no longer have to carve out time every week. And believe me, I was doing this every week where I could have spent that time on something much more important to go through my purchases and make sure everything is accounted for. Found fixes it. Honestly, I use Found, and you should too. If I could go back to when we were starting. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. Found would have saved me so much time, so much effort, and so much needless data entry that I wish that I could not have done. I love Found.

[C]

Take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for [e-mail]. that's f o u n d dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by lead bank member fdic. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with found, not lost.

[A]

Thank you, Mr. JPC sir.

[C]

Thank you, Mr. Jpc sir.

[B]

Well, thinking me.

[C]

And I had just settled down for a long winter's nap. End of story.

[A]

But what mattress were you sleeping in?

[B]

Yeah, Mr. Attle, what mattress? What mattress?

[C]

Oh, kids, the only mattress I would take a long winter's nap in, which is a Helix mattress. Have you heard of this? You seen this?

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Yay.

[C]

Do you kids like Helix?

[B]

I took the Helix sleep quiz and it was the only quiz I didn't flunk all year long.

[C]

Oh, yikes. Jeremiah, we gotta, we gotta get you studying.

[B]

No, it matches you with the perfect mattress based on your personal preferences and sleep needs. And it makes buying a mattress easy.

[A]

Mr. Adel, Mr. Adel, helix is the most awarded mattress brand tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wired.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I used to toss and turn in my sleep until I got a Helix and now I sleep like a log. I would say sleep like a baby, but from what I know, babies don't sleep terribly well. So I like to say sleep like a log.

[A]

Pulling on your sleeve. Pulling on your sleeve.

[C]

Ow.

[A]

Mr. Adelster, I have a midnight luxe and they delivered my mattress right to my door with free shipping inside the.

[C]

U.S. yeah, I have a midnight luxe. It's not a contest.

[A]

Pulling on your sleeve. Pulling on your sleeve.

[C]

Ow. Stop pulling on my tattoos.

[B]

Maybe you could say like sleep like a toddler, because my toddler sleeps for like 12 hours at a time. But then I know that not all toddlers do that, so I don't want to make it seem like I'm bragging.

[C]

Mr. Adel, you have a toddler.

[B]

I'm a grown man.

[C]

Wait, are you both adults?

[A]

They have a Happy with Helix guarantee. You can rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. The Happy with Helix guarantee offers a risk free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new Mattress. Because it's 120 night sleep trial, Mr. Adle, and a limited lifetime warranty.

[B]

Yeah, Mr. Adle, just go to helixsleep.com riddle for the black Friday sale Best of Web. It's running from November 3rd to December 1st and it's 27% off site wide. That's exclusive for listeners of hey, riddle. Riddle. That's helixsleep.com. riddle Mr.addle. for the black Friday sale, make sure you enter our show name into the post purchase survey so they know we sent you. Helixsleep.com Riddle yeah, not to dox myself.

[C]

But now that my secret's out, my name is Adol. Adle. Sort of a Mario situation.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

I love it, Mr. Adle.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Five, four, three, two, one. Countdown over. It's the holiday season. Time to buy gifts. I'm so excited. I'm gonna decorate. I'm gonna buy gifts.

[B]

Aaron, Aaron, slow down. You sound and look stressed, but Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high quality finds you won't see anywhere else. Now, Erin, how does that make you feel?

[A]

Oh, I feel way better.

[C]

Yeah, Aaron, you should feel even better. Because Uncommon Goods, their items are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date.

[B]

Plus, Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. From moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs, and die hard football fans to foodies, mixologists, and avid gardeners, you'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. And again, they want me to differentiate. That is Die hard fans and football fans. I'm not sure if you'll find stuff from the major motion picture diehard, but you can look.

[C]

And Ms. Keefe, can I tell you, last year, my parents got me Common Goods. I got, like, a bag of flour and a brick.

[A]

Well, that's no fun.

[C]

No, I want Uncommon Goods.

[A]

That won't do. You know what? If you're like me, buy some Christmas ornaments. Get some Christmas candles. Get some stuff for Christmas and put it in your house.

[B]

Hey, whatever you do, don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com Riddle that's UncommonGoods.com Riddle For 15% off Uncommon Goods, we're all out of the ordinary.

[C]

But don't take it from them. Take it from me, cousin Kringle.

[A]

That's fun.

[B]

That's fun.

[A]

Probably should have done it at the beginning, though, right?

[C]

Huh?

[B]

Stay on that side of the street. Oh. Stay over there.

[C]

Do you need me to start the ad?

[B]

No, stay here.

[A]

Everybody say thank you, Ms. Erin. I thanked you guys in the other ones. Not getting thanked. All right, we are back. I'm gonna get right back into Will's riddles. So we. The ratio of riddles in this episode ends up being pretty good. We're gonna do a lot in this back half. Here we go. Likely on birthdays.

[B]

Are the Yankees still good?

[C]

They should be. They've brought in enough. They brought in.

[A]

That's a palm.

[C]

Huh?

[A]

That's a palm. Are the Yankees still good? They should be.

[C]

They have like high caliber players. But I don't know right now if they're doing so hot.

[A]

Likely on birthdays or after a storm. Providing an ambiance. Soft and warm.

[C]

Blanket lightning.

[B]

A blanket fire, which can happen if you have a heating pad and you leave it plugged in, you can start a blanket fire. You might start a blanket fire.

[C]

If you use an extension cord on a heater, you might have a blanket fire.

[A]

If you throw a blanket over a fire to stop the fire, you might have a money mark. You guys, I can't participate in any fun today. I really can't do it.

[C]

Jeff. Blanketfire.

[B]

There's a joke in the original Cars movie where Larry the cable guy implies that he thought he heard some character say that they were drinking piss.

[C]

Oh, sounds like I need to watch Cars.

[A]

What was that? Adol. Did you mean to say that out.

[B]

Loud into the mic? There's something about like flooding like a piston. Pissed it in my mouth. And he's like he did what in his mouth? And it's just a. It's a funny joke to put in a kid's movie because it doesn't. It sounds like it sounds like.

[A]

Sounds like a you problem. Sounds like you were listening for that.

[B]

I do listen for it. I have piss mouth dar that I.

[C]

Pick up on pretty a radar that susses out echolocates. Here's what I'll say is I used to make fun of. I've never seen Cars. I used to be like, haha, Larry the cable guy is in Cars.

[B]

Ha.

[C]

Then I found out recently that I guess when he got notified that he got the role, he started crying from joy. And now I'm going to ease up on the guy.

[A]

Yeah, he loves being a part of those movies. It's really cool.

[C]

I think that's cool. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Who wouldn't love your job being going into a sound booth, like recording some dialogue and then getting paid a lot of money. That sounds like a.

[C]

If I could get paid money to just sit in front of a microphone.

[B]

And talk, I would be.

[A]

A loved one of mine sent me that. Larry the cable guy Video and cried, cried and cried and cried.

[C]

There's a video of him.

[A]

He has a video of him talking about how it's his favorite thing he's ever done and it made me cry.

[B]

And again, I don't know too much about Larry the Cable Guy, but the whole Larry the Cable Guy character is like an aesthetic. It's like a character that he used to put on. He's like Kamala said, he has a normal voice, but he doesn't inherently sound like Larry the Cable Guy, that character. But then it seems like it really popped off for him and he kind of got put into the role of Larry the Cable Guy for the rest of his life.

[C]

He's a modern day Gilbert Gottfried or Bobcat Goldthwait.

[A]

That might happen to you. Jpc. I think you're gonna get stuck in this Persona.

[B]

Oh, in this Persona. This one wouldn't be so bad because it is closer to myself. But I mean, what I'm really looking for and it's not gonna happen yet, but we're a couple years away from it, is my right wing pivot when I just like go whole. When you become a grifter, full evangelical, like full prosperity gospel, like grifter like that, that's really gonna pop up.

[A]

Your heart's not gonna be in it though, right? This is just for money and for.

[B]

Attention and oh, Aaron, none of their hearts are in it. There's not a single one. There's not a single one.

[C]

What?

[A]

Hearts?

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Tucker Carlson keeps his heart in like a black tabernacle and it's like it beats like once a year.

[A]

That is way too high end. I feel like it is in like a caboodle box.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Under his sink. God, I hate that guy. My favorite thing that's happened in the last 400 years in pop culture is Jon Stewart making fun of his bow tie and him stopping wearing bow ties. It's maybe the only thing that has kept me going. I gotta go back to this riddle.

[B]

Oh, please.

[A]

Likely on birthdays or after a storm, providing an ambiance soft and warm, find me. Include candles as a centerpiece too. Before Edison, I was the norm. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Is it candle or candlestick?

[A]

Candle.

[C]

Okay. Because in Clue it's a candlestick, right?

[A]

Yeah. But if you're strong enough, you can in the library.

[C]

I do want to see a seed. The two of you are. You're sort of inside, you know, the clue world. Right. You're in a large house with other people and weapons, and the two of you find yourself in the Library. And you both have sort of atypical quote unquote weapons that you found to try and kill each other the next opportunity you get.

[A]

Ah, professor, you thought I wouldn't figure you out, but guess what? It takes one to know one picks up Bible.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Stands in a ready pose.

[B]

Big talk from you, Lieutenant Lettuce. I was just.

[A]

But fine. It's fine.

[B]

You can say my name. You just called me professor. But if you want to say my name, you can. I don't mind.

[A]

Professor. Dumbass. You thought I wouldn't figure you out?

[B]

It's pronounced dumbass. I thought you wouldn't figure me out, Lieutenant Lettuce, because you're not the sharpest romaine in the salad. What is it? Is it a bunch of lettuce? Is it Roma or a bunch of a head? Head.

[A]

Head.

[B]

Salad also works. Let's see.

[A]

You're weaponless, and I have the best weapon of them all.

[B]

You've got. The Bible is the only weapon in.

[A]

The slightly heavy book.

[B]

Well, something they taught, but it's one of the heavier books.

[A]

I don't know. There's encyclopedias I could have picked up.

[B]

Well, one of the things that they teach me in university is how to think on my feet. Picks up my feet. Aha.

[A]

Oh, God. That looks like it hurts so bad you fell backwards on the back of your head.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Is there a doctor doctor?

[C]

I'm a doctor.

[A]

Rigatoni. Come on in.

[C]

Hey, I'm a doctor. RigatonI.

[B]

I see he doctors with his hands.

[C]

I got my doctorate in pasta.

[A]

You might say I'm crazy. Or perhaps legume.

[C]

You might say I'm crazy.

[A]

Okay. They wanted to sing instead of get the riddle. I feel like you guys could get it from that found near the boat. It's safe to assume these are such good riddles. Can be tough to crack and bought in a pack.

[C]

Walnut?

[A]

Close.

[B]

Cigarettes. For certain.

[A]

Eating me could mean doom.

[B]

Cigarettes.

[C]

Pistachio.

[B]

You cannot eat cigarettes.

[C]

Peanuts.

[A]

You're being too specific.

[C]

Nuts.

[B]

Nuts.

[A]

Yeah, nuts.

[C]

Nuts.

[A]

I love it. Thank you so much. Those are great riddles.

[C]

Very good.

[B]

Those are fun.

[A]

Last night, when Lou was getting sick every 20, 30 minutes and going outside. You guys, I've lived in the same apartment since 2021, and I have never seen a skunk until the last, like, three months around here. And last night, Lou would cry. We'd go out. We'd go to the bottom of the stairs. And then I'd have to wait out the window. Two skunks were patrolling our front lawn. Like going Back and forth like this. Two skunks and I. And so Lou would be crying. I'd be like, we cannot go out. We cannot go out. We're gonna get sprayed by two skunks. And I had. Guys, I was a little delirious. And I know I'm acting a little paranoid right now, but speaking of things, feeling like, hey, riddle, riddle scenes. It felt like you guys said, those skunks. I was like, I don't know how I can prove it, but adol, jpc, and sorry, Casey, you too are behind those skunks going back and forth. There weren't skunks at my house before. Did you guys pay someone to let a bunch of skunks loose?

[B]

Aaron, how dare you accuse me of being behind a skunk. I would never stand behind a skunk. That's Skunk 101, baby.

[A]

That's a really good dad joke.

[C]

Aaron, I do really appreciate that you think this is some sort of red wall situation where the skunks are, like, guardians of the gates of your home. That they're. I feel like. Were they maybe just like, doing a little mating dance or something? Or do you think they're. They're, like, looking for you or protecting you?

[A]

It. I mean, they were causing me harm. They were.

[C]

Were they patrolling on two legs or four? Because that's going to be a huge indicator.

[A]

Hold on. Add little.

[C]

Whether or not this is a situation.

[B]

Do you think somewhere, Aaron, there's, like, a badger who is, like, for her crimes, she must be imprisoned in her home type basketball spectacles.

[A]

Okay, you guys, and this is going to sound insane, but I will say a few hours before that, I had my quality time show. And if you go. If you went to that October quality time show, you'll know that we had a taxidermist as one of our guests. She was incredible. And I did touch a skunk skin briefly right before this happened for the first time in my life.

[B]

So you bury the lead. Yeah, they were there for their comrade.

[A]

But I'm trying to blame you guys.

[C]

They can smell their dead family members on your skin.

[A]

Skunks walk really cute.

[B]

They do.

[A]

They're really cute. We should have domesticated them when we had the chance.

[B]

Aaron, have you ever. I had a person that I knew in college had a destinkified skunk. They had a skunk as, like, a pet, which you're not supposed to do, but it had its stinker removed in whatever fashion you get. A skunk stinker removed. Unclear if it was.

[A]

This is a crazy sentence to Navigate. That looks so hard to do. I'm really happy for you. You got through it.

[B]

I didn't really know this person. I was at a party. They just had a skunk at the party. And it's one of those things where you, like, see a skunk at a party and you're like, I gotta get out of here.

[A]

I like a fucking scene on a leash.

[B]

You're like, oh, interesting.

[A]

Adol. You were just trying to find a beer pong partner at a party. And jbc, you are at a. You're a skunk that's at this, like, college party.

[B]

I'm the skunk.

[A]

You're the skunk.

[B]

Gotcha.

[C]

Tyler, come on, man. Tyler, no. No. Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

I'm sorry, man.

[B]

I'm headed out.

[C]

Yeah, okay. Shit. Who else? Who else? What about you, little dude?

[B]

Name's Dairy.

[C]

Sorry. Do you play beer pong?

[B]

Hey, man, act like I just said something really funny.

[C]

No, I'm good. Who else? Who else? Who? Micah. Micah, you in? No.

[A]

Ah. Sorry. I already got a teammate.

[C]

Sorry. Yeah, okay. Who else? Who else?

[B]

Hey, man, come back over here. Come back over here. I wasn't. Over here, man. Come on. Come on.

[C]

What's up? What's up?

[B]

Act like I just said something really funny.

[C]

Why would I do that?

[B]

I'm trying to flirt with this other skunk here, man. And she's, like, not giving me the time of day. But it's like, I know she likes funny skunks, you know?

[C]

Well, here's the thing. She is looking over here, but right now, I have such a look of, like, confusion on my face that if I start laughing, she's gonna know. It's like a weird, you know.

[B]

Okay, well, then, now that I'm talking, wipe the look of confusion off your face. Turn it into a slow smile, and then when I'm done talking, just fucking laugh, man. Help me out.

[C]

Couldn't you just say something funny?

[B]

I don't know anything funny. I only know things that skunks find funny. I wouldn't know anything that a guy like you would find funny.

[C]

Maybe I find what skunks find funny funny as well. Try me. Try me. What do skunks find funny? Say something like skunk would say. Okay, like, skunks stand up.

[B]

What has four fingers and stinks like shit?

[C]

Mickey Mouse.

[B]

Don't guess. You ruined the joke. Yeah, it's Mickey Mouse. Fuck.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Hey, Tony. What's going on? Did you tell your long, confusing joke and then try to make me jealous?

[B]

Oh, Angela, you're here at this Party.

[A]

Yeah, you knew that already, didn't you? Throws beer in your face. This is how college girls talk.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Can you throw a ping pong the same way you threw that beer?

[A]

I could try.

[B]

This beer is spoiled. It must be skunked. Books around, Party looks around, Tony.

[A]

That kind of joke's not gonna work on me anymore.

[B]

I was trying to make it work on the humans.

[A]

I'll have a date. Tony, you broke my heart.

[B]

Hey, Angela, what's got four fingers and stinks like shit?

[A]

Mickey Mouse.

[B]

I was gonna say me if I play my cards right.

[C]

See?

[A]

Oh, Tony.

[B]

Have either of you ever been sprayed by a skunk?

[C]

No, but I've had my car sprayed.

[B]

Oh, you went and got it professionally done.

[C]

I had it detailed.

[B]

They clean it. They're like, it's 400 bucks, but for another 50. Skunk. Just the apartment where I used to live when we first were recording this podcast remotely. And there was a dog who lived upstairs as well. And I had just brought my dog in and they had let their dog out, and a skunk was in the yard, unbeknownst to either one of us, and sprayed their dog and the whole yard stank. But luckily it did not get on my dog because you have to. Like, a dog is hard because they have lots of hair and they don't like taking baths. I think if I got skunked by a skunk, it would be pretty miserable. But I at least am like, I think I can clean me. You know, I think I could do the requisite steps. But to, like, do it with an unwilling dog sounds fucking awful.

[A]

I think it's only a matter of time that until Lou and I get sprayed by one of these skunks.

[B]

What are these two that are out there?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, they are.

[B]

You think they're in the bushes making a plan?

[A]

Yeah, I think that's exactly what they're doing. You know, I think we can get through.

[B]

I got anything.

[A]

Five more riddles, but I think we can get through them quickly.

[B]

There's no way.

[A]

Yes, I think we can do it. These are from Chris. They them. And Chris handed us these riddles at the Atlanta Live show, but I'm happy to be doing them in front of our main feed crowd, and not just our crowd in Atlanta, because that show, we were too busy. What were we doing in that Atlanta show?

[C]

Tennessee Williams monologues, looking up whales being delivered by UPS or something?

[A]

Yeah, we were busy, Chris.

[B]

There was a lot of non riddle stuff, not unlike this episode that was going on in that episode. Why don't we say UPS at all? That's a great question.

[C]

We should either say UPS and or FedEx. Or we should say UPS or FedEx.

[A]

FedEx.

[C]

I'm tired of vacillating between these two.

[A]

Here are some riddles I wrote for y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Here we go. Here we go.

[B]

I also get so tired of vacillating. I'm, like, always vacillating.

[A]

The sweetest sucks Flowing Canadian blood will slowly dry to sticky crud.

[C]

Seth Rogen.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

This feels like a threat.

[A]

Also, these. All these riddles have a theme, but I don't.

[C]

The sweetest. Something. Canadian blood. Something, something, something.

[B]

Is this a mosquito?

[A]

Sticky crud. Something Sticky crud. It doesn't just exist in Canada, but it's associated with Canada quite often.

[B]

Maple syrup.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

A white Chrysler LeBaron will serve you quite well to cover the distance to bring goats to hell.

[C]

Goats to hell? Is this goats to hell?

[A]

And if you don't get these riddle answers, we're going to skip and come back because I think that you'll be able to get them once you identify the theme of the other riddles.

[C]

Is this another Canada thing?

[B]

No. Is it White Chrysler. The Baron. Is this like a. No, that's not the Ghostbusters car.

[A]

No, but you've heard that.

[B]

Cake.

[A]

Yes. Cake. My knees turn to jelly. My skin's like a raisin. Stomp on my balls and make something amazing. I love this one.

[B]

It's so late in the year to get these clips. I think I might be able to get that one. No jbc, but I think I might. It's.

[A]

No, but I'm gonna. We'll skip that one. We'll come back to it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Make seltzer water, marigold hued. Add sugar and poison and say that it's food.

[B]

Oh, boy. Sugar and poison. And say that it's food.

[C]

Give me sugar in poison.

[A]

I would say the first half makes it easier, but. Jpc, I bet you this would be a harder one for you to get.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Make seltzer water, marigold hued.

[B]

I saw someone with a. Make seltzer water, marigold hue'd half like, we've come too far. We've just come too far.

[A]

I'm. Read the last riddle and then we'll loop back around. She's red and expansive and made of the earth. And she'll bloom in your onion. From Brisbane to Perth.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

Chili's close.

[A]

Another one.

[B]

I heard Bloom and onion. Outback Steakhouse.

[A]

Yes, Outback. The Outback Rismond.

[B]

Perth Awesome Blossom.

[A]

Now you know the answers are maple syrup cake Outback. What could be the theme of these?

[B]

Stomp on my balls.

[A]

My knees turned to me.

[B]

These are review crew things.

[A]

These are review crew things.

[B]

Oh, grapes.

[A]

Grapes. And then make seltzer water. Marigold hues.

[C]

Orange soda.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh. These are all things that we've done on Review Crew.

[A]

Review crew episodes with some regrettable outcomes. I love you all of your shows and I'm glad nobody got sick after, by the way.

[B]

Every review crew has a regrettable outcome.

[A]

And then she says, travel safe and have a beautiful autumn. Which I think is so sweet.

[C]

So, jpc, when you guessed Chili's, you weren't wrong.

[B]

I guess I wasn't wrong.

[C]

You were tapped into the theme.

[B]

Cause Chili's is called an awesome Blossom. Right? And there's only one Chili's in the United States that still serves it. Or was Chili's called the. Which one?

[C]

Bloomin Onion and Awesome Bl.

[A]

Hey, dbc. I went into a white hot rage during our Chili's episode. So I don't remember it. It's filed under worst hours of my life, so I don't really remember what I learned in that episode. Do you remember why?

[B]

I can and no one will.

[A]

Any memory of Wynut?

[B]

I don't have any memory. I have no memory of anything.

[A]

Great Adol. Anything to plug or promote or talk about?

[C]

Nope. How about you?

[A]

Oh, okay. Well, check out our review crew.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Really great vibes over there. No one's ever gone insane in one of those episodes. And also, we have a little bit of tour left, so if you want to see US in Philadelphia, D.C. or New York, there might still be tickets left for that.

[C]

So.

[A]

Heyrollerttle.com Live JPC any review to read or anything to plug?

[B]

Yeah, you know, I haven't read a review in a while, so let's highlight this one. This one's from WWJ8. It's titled Long Time, Five Star Review. It says, Listen to the sixth anniversary episode. And just wanted to say I'm 20 and have been listening since 2018. You guys have been part of one third of my life. That's crazy, right? Oh, my. I was just. I said that's pretty cool, Jupiter. Yeah. Yeah. Created by Adel Refine, starring Aaron Keenan and John Patrick Cohen. Casey Tony did the editing. Logo created by Emily Cardamus and model hey there, Breaks it creators. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We're answering your questions on another Chatterbox. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com heyriddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[A]

That was a Headgum podcast.