#390: Butt Smokes a Pipe

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle #390: Butt Smokes a Pipe

Release Date: January 7, 2026
Hosts: Adal Rifai, Erin Keif, John Patrick Coan (JPC)

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Episode Overview

The first episode of 2026 finds the “Hey Riddle Riddle” crew diving into their usual chaotic mix of riddles, improvised scenes, off-the-wall banter, and playful roasting of each other. The trio marks the new year with predictions (real and ridiculous) about what will “die” in 2026, does not shy away from bizarre tangents (including cartoon in-memoriams, OnlyFans economics, and hiding porn on desktops), and introduces a fresh tradition: audio “dance breaks.” Riddles do appear, but, true to their podcast’s spirit, are often just a vehicle for even more absurdity.

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Main Themes & Segments

1. Jumpstarting 2026: Death Predictions & Absurd In Memoriam Scenarios

[03:53–09:37]

• Annual Predictions: Hosts keep up the “tradition” of predicting who or what will die in the new year, blending real and fictional characters:

  • Popeye the Sailor Man (“But smokes a pipe.”) (04:43)
  • The Penguin TV show (“I think a second season is due and then I think it’s getting canceled.” – JPC, [05:33])
  • Tom Cruise, “doing one of his little stunts” (05:47)
  • Elvis – facetiously, “We’re going to find Elvis alive and then I think he’s gonna die this year.” (Adol, [06:45])
  • John Lennon, with riffs about repeated assassinations just to maintain the “correct” headcanon ([07:16])

• In-Memoriam Oscars Bit:

  • Imagining an Oscars “In Memoriam” segment featuring cartoons and a single human.
  • “If they did an In Memoriam at the Oscars and it was all cartoons and then one human being... They need to do more In Memoriam jokes.” (JPC, [08:34])
  • Proposed: actors’ most ridiculous scenes (no matter how inappropriate) should be their memorial clips.

• Notable Quote:

  • “But smokes a pipe. Feels like one of the drawings my friend Joe would give me in, like, fourth grade to make me laugh.” (JPC, [04:58])

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2. Digital Nostalgia & The Evolution of Porn Consumption

[10:27–15:23]

• Mislabeling Files:

  • The crew riffs on how files were hidden on desktops (e.g., naming your porn folder “KyleXY” so no one checks it).
  • “KyleXY is what you name the file on your desktop where you hide your porn.” (JPC, [10:27])

• Piracy Days:

  • Reminiscing about Limewire/Kazaa/Napster days, where mistaken downloads led to surprises (not always the music or “Weird Al” track you expected).

• Modern Trends:

  • Discussion of ethical porn and the OnlyFans “renaissance.”
  • JPC’s vulnerable admission: “I know about OnlyFans, but I’ve never used OnlyFans and I’ve never subscribed to an OnlyFans…” ([13:27])
  • Advocacy for supporting smaller creators and discussing industry shifts.

• Notable Quote:

  • “I want the data on where people are getting their porn… OnlyFans has had such a renaissance, which is actually, I think, great because then you’re paying people directly.” (Aaron, [12:54])

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3. Adding, Not Withholding: The Dance Break Tradition

[16:07–21:14]

• No More “Giving Up” for New Years:

  • Laughing about their failed attempts to do things like “no Googling,” “no Australian accents,” and so this year deciding not to “give something up,” but to “add” instead.

• New Segment:

  • Dance breaks: audio-only segments where, instead of dialogue, 30 seconds of music plays and listeners are advised to “picture us doing a Broadway-level dance break.”
  • First dance break scene: JPC as a museum security guard, Adal as a sneaky thief ([18:08]).

• Memorable Moment:

  • “That was some Danny Kaye shit, Adel.” (Aaron, [21:01])

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4. The Riddles (Finally!) and Riddle-Driven Tangents

[21:14–72:37]

Chess & Chess the Musical

[21:14–23:55]

• Riddle: “This is a country without a land. Its kings and dignitaries are lifeless. If the king is annihilated, no one is left alive.”
  • Answer: Chess
  • Alternate answer suggested in true podcast tradition: Old Country Buffet.
• Chess the Musical:
  • Improv on outlandish scenes (flipping into pants), favorite (and embarrassing!) Spotify Wrapped songs.
  • “They basically got flipped into a pair of pants...” (Adol, [22:36])

Riddle: “It grows in the woods, hangs in a shop. When you touch it, it cries.”

[23:55–28:03]

• Wide-ranging guesses: icicles, onions, guitars, and finally on to violins (horses’ hair “crying” when played).
• Result: Long improv as a pretentious violin shop owner (Adol) and orchestra shopper (Aaron).
• Tangent: “Is there a difference between a violin and a fiddle?” ([32:30])

Corn, Sleep, and Regional Riddles

[47:02–62:03]

• Indiana Corn Riddle: “Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?”

  • Answer: Because there are too many ears.

• Sleep Riddle: “Sometimes it’s shallow, Sometimes it’s deep, for ages you’ll find it led by sheep.”

  • Answer: Sleep

• Corn Maze Tangents:

  • The architecture of corn mazes, Midwest vs. East Coast, “clam fields” (disgusting notion).
  • “That’s how you make a Midwest superhero… Midwest Spider Man!” (Aaron, [50:55])

• Massachusetts Riddle (1902):

  • An old-timey poetic riddle; the answer is the letter “H”.
  • Adol deduces the spelling riddle angle quickly.
  • Prompt: “Everything seemed so disparate… a lot of the words… sounded like they’re pointing us toward a specific letter.” (Adol, [54:13])
  • Improvised scene: verbose 1900s countrywoman and traveling salesman.

International Riddles (Australia)

• Plane crash riddle: “There was a plane crash and every single person died. Who survived?”
  • Answer: All the married people.
• Hard rock group with four dudes, none play guitar?
  • Answer: Mount Rushmore.
    • “Is this hard rock like geology?” (Adol, [70:58])
  • Josh’s hint (“Does Richie Rich go into the eye of one of them?”) stumps everyone.
  • Adol: “I don’t even know nothing about Rich G. Rich, like that’s not as big an appeal.” (JPC, [71:55])

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5. Listener Voicemail

[73:16–74:14]

• Bridget calls in after hearing a Patreon promo with her name.
• Quick digression: guessing each other's and listeners' fathers’ names—“what’s your dad’s name,” with the suggestion for all listeners to comment with their dads’ names (which the crew immediately ridicules as a probable phishing scam).

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Notable Quotes & Recurring Jokes

• “But smokes a pipe. Stop telling us your search history.”
  – JPC & Aaron, riffing on the literal and absurd mid-sentence [04:49, 04:56]

• “That feels like one of the drawings my friend Joe would give me in, like, fourth grade to make me laugh.”
  – JPC, [04:58]

• “KyleXY is what you name the file on your desktop where you hide your porn.”
  – JPC, [10:27]

• “Everybody picture the scene I just described…”
  (Setting up the new “audio dance break” tradition.) – Aaron, [17:23]

• On “Chess the Musical”:
  “They basically got flipped into a pair of pants.”
  – Adol, [22:36]

• On act-outs:
  “That was some Danny Kaye shit, Adel.”
  – Aaron, [21:01]

• Cornfields as secrets:
  “Because all those ears, they got ears of corn.”
  – Adol, [48:14]

• On riddles:
  “Stop doing corn riddles.”
  – Aaron, exasperated, [61:33]

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Fun Timestamps / Highlights

• 04:43–04:49: The phrase "But smokes a pipe" emerges and instantly devolves into a repeated podcast meme.
• 15:51–18:02: Introduction of the new year’s “dance break” with lots of meta-joking about podcasting as performance.
• 21:14–23:55: The crew’s meta-riff on “Chess” the board game and “Chess” the musical.
• 27:53–32:34: Multi-layered violin shop act-out, including Adol miming a persistent and eccentric luthier.
• 47:33–50:17: Deep dive into Indiana-specific riddle humor and the architecture/design of corn mazes.
• 54:39–59:19: Old-timey riddle scene and making fun of the “industrial revolution.”
• 71:04–71:10: “Mount Rushmore” as the answer to a geology joke riddle.

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General Tone & Structure

The episode is dense with improvisation, tongue-in-cheek callbacks, literal and lateral pun work, and the hosts’ trademark balance of sincerity and irony. “Hey Riddle Riddle” listeners will find the gang in mid-season form, happily derailing their own riddles and formats for the sake of committed bits and playful, self-aware humor.

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Takeaways for New Listeners

• Riddles are Optional: You do not need to love riddles to love this show—improv and banter reign.
• In-Jokes Abound: Frequent callbacks and running jokes (even within a single episode).
• Improv as Centerpiece: Most segments use riddles simply as a springboard for longer comedic scenes or tangents.
• Vivid Imagination Required: As with the new “dance breaks,” listeners are invited to picture the action.
• Recurring Surrealism: The show’s willingness to chase the most absurd angles possible is a defining and enduring strength.

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Episode Structure (Key Sections & Timestamps)

• [03:53–09:37] — 2026 Death Predictions, In Memoriam Tangents
• [10:27–15:23] — File Naming and Porn Consumption Generations
• [16:07–21:14] — Dance Breaks and New Year’s Resolutions Abandoned
• [21:14–32:34] — First Batch of Riddles and Chess Musical Dissection
• [47:02–62:03] — Regional Riddles (Indiana/Massachusetts/Australia), Cornfield Bits
• [62:03–72:37] — Closing Riddles, Listener Voicemail, "What's Your Dad's Name?"

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Final Thought and Running Gag

“What’s your dad’s name?”
The episode ends with a prompt for listeners to call or comment with their dads’ names—a bit that effortlessly lampoons both audience interactivity and the absurdity of podcast prompts.

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Summary Compiled by Podcast Summarizer AI — for fans, new listeners, and anyone who wants all the laughs without (all) the tangents.

Transcript

[JPC]

This is a Headgum podcast. Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. Kyle Mooney. Yes. Sorry about that. Exactly. No, all good. All good.

[Adol]

Thanks, buddy.

[JPC]

Yeah. And we host the show. What's our podcast Here on Headgum. But we want to make sure you heard about a very special episode with a very special guest that we just released. In the feed. Yeah, it's in the feed. It was sponsored by Squarespace because they were appalled. They were. That we didn't have a website for our show yet. They were like, you don't have a website? What are you guys, kindergartners? They wanted to do something about that. So we built a flawless, beautiful, perfectly designed website live on the pod with our very special guest and very web savvy guest. Should we tell them who it was? Let's. We could play 20 questions. I don't think we have time for that. Is it Person? No, it's not. It's Finn Wolfhard. But Finn had a bunch of great ideas for the website. Beck, you had some amazing ideas for the website. Thanks, Finn. You had some amazing ideas. Well, I was sort of driving the thing. I was sort of like clicking and I was like, let's put a little. Let's put some widgets in there. I was talking about widgets. He kept on using that phrase. Widget. Yeah, there's all sorts of stuff there. You might want to check out the hippo. Just go check out the website. Know that there's a hippo video and know that you're going to want to watch that. We had a lot of fun making this episode. We had a lot of fun making this website. I think you're going to have a fun time listening to it and maybe watching it. Think of it as our. A little Christmas present to you. Yeah. Yeah. This is a gift for you. Okay. It's just like. It's a selfless thing we did for you. Thanks to Squarespace for making us build a website sponsoring the episode. And for supporting creators across the Headgum Network. Go check out the bonus episode. What's our website from? What's our podcasts on YouTube or wherever you listen to podcasts, go to squarespace.com beckandkyle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code beckandkyle. Yes, sir. To save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Get it, Kyle.

[Aaron]

Hey, it's Tig Notaro from the handsome podcast.

[JPC]

And I'm May Martin.

[Aaron]

And I'm Fortune Feimster. Also from the Handsome podcast. And we wanted to let you know.

[JPC]

That we made a very fun special.

[Aaron]

Episode of our show and sponsored by Squarespace. That's up now on our YouTube page for you to watch.

[JPC]

Handsome finally formed a band and recorded a hit song live in the podcast studio. And we documented the whole process for you to watch. It's by far the most ambitious and inspiring moment on our show to date.

[Aaron]

I feel like we can't say much more about it without giving too much away. So just go watch us make complete fools of ourselves and have the best time ever. Or become the newest pop sensations.

[JPC]

That's right. Go to YouTube.com handsomepod or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

[Aaron]

That's YouTube.com handsomepod to hear us record a song live.

[JPC]

See you at the Grammys.

[Aaron]

Oh, for sure, buddy.

[JPC]

For sure. Get started on your dream website today. Head to squarespace.com handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code handsome to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. The doctor was the mother. He stood on a block of ice. Both of them were goldfish. It was the cabin of an airplane. He stabbed him with an ice ray. And the horses named Friday. Peanutbutter.com.

[Aaron]

Did you say peanutbutter.com?

[JPC]

Nope. Well, Adel, Aaron, that's the start of the episode we have. We. We're back. It's. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. It's your favorite guys. It's the brand new year 2026. We. We finally made it. And as you all know. And I'm JPC as well.

[Adol]

And I'm Adelaide.

[Aaron]

And I'm RK and Fk.

[JPC]

A little tradition on the show. Every year, people know we record these a little bit advanced so we can take a little bit of a holiday break. So it leaves us a little bit of a gap. But it's 2026 and we have to say, who do we think is dying in 2026? There's a lot of people that deserve it. But it's time to make our yearly predictions.

[Adol]

Okay, okay, okay.

[JPC]

I'm gonna say number one with a bullet. And I'm not saying that's how I.

[Aaron]

Was going to say be careful, be careful, be careful.

[JPC]

It's a bullet point. And I'm not saying it's a point that's going to get him either. Popeye the Sailor Man. If you think about it, Popeye the Sailor man gotta be in his, like, mid hundreds at this point.

[Adol]

Yeah. Too good for too long, this guy.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Great diet, obviously. Lot of iron.

[JPC]

Uh huh.

[Adol]

Four walnuts.

[JPC]

Chicken sandwiches.

[Aaron]

But smokes a pipe. So.

[Adol]

But smokes a pipe.

[Aaron]

Well. But smokes a pipe.

[JPC]

Stop. Stop telling us your search history.

[Aaron]

Wait. But smokes a pipe. But smokes a pipe. But. But smokes a pipe. A pipe.

[Adol]

But smokes a pipe.

[JPC]

But smokes a pipe. Feels like one of the drawings my friend Joe would give me in, like, fourth grade to make me laugh.

[Aaron]

Let's see who's going to kick the bucket this year.

[JPC]

And that's not. We're not saying that's how they go out.

[Adol]

Well, I think Alfred.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Adol]

Aneurysm. Arenda, you were.

[Aaron]

Oh, now I can only think about Popeye dying.

[JPC]

Who else is gonna go out this year? I gotta say. The Penguin.

[Adol]

The TV show.

[JPC]

Yep. I think the TV show. I think a second season is due and then I think it's getting canceled. You know who those.

[Aaron]

Tom Cruise.

[JPC]

Oh, please. Wow. RIP.

[Aaron]

Dead as a doornail by December 31st.

[Adol]

Doing one of his little stunts. Aaron.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's how he'd like to go out.

[Adol]

I think he really would like to go out that way. Solidify himself as, like, the last action hero.

[JPC]

You know how when a show has a ton of hype behind it and. And they announced that it gets renewed before the first season? Like, before the first episode drops. I think they did that with the original Game of Thrones. I think that there was like, there were so many people pirating it before Game of Thrones season one came out that before the first episode dropped, they were like, we renewed it for a season two. We're calling it a shot here. I would love it if they did the opposite and not cancel the show. Like, they don't air the episodes, but, like, midway through the first episode of, like, a new Prestige show coming out, they're just like. And this show has not been renewed for season two. Enjoy. All of season one. We really fucked up with.

[Adol]

It's not great.

[JPC]

It's not great. Still. Watch it all. We're gonna air it all. It's gonna come out every week. But, ooh, boy, we messed up.

[Adol]

I think we're also gonna find Elvis alive on some Polynesian island. And then I think he's gonna die this year.

[Aaron]

Love that.

[JPC]

I would love it if that's the way that you found out, though. It's not that you find him alive. They just announce, hey, guys, sorry about this. Elvis has actually died. The real Elvis has passed away. We take you now. It's just like, you don't get a chance to see Elvis, it's just a toilet.

[Adol]

He still died on a toilet.

[Aaron]

Good news, bad news, guys. John Lennon faked his death, but he did just pass away this morning from complications from surgery.

[JPC]

But to make it so that you don't have to change your headcanon, we did have. Oh, what's the guy that shot John Lennon there?

[Aaron]

Oh.

[Adol]

Cameron Winter.

[Aaron]

Popeye.

[JPC]

We had that guy come and shoot him again. He was already dead.

[Aaron]

Hinckley. Yeah, right.

[JPC]

Yeah. Or no, before John Hinckley.

[Aaron]

Mark David Chapman.

[Adol]

Mark David Chapman.

[JPC]

It's gotta be Mark David Chapman. Before we called. Before the doctors called time of death, we had Mark David Chapman come in one more time and shoot John Lennon. Just so you don't have to change the way he died in. You just have to adjust the year. That's nice for you.

[Aaron]

You just add 45 years and then you're good. 46. Because he's dying next year.

[JPC]

Yeah, because he's this year. Because it is this year now. Oh, right, it's 20. 26. Yeah, we're not saying that, John.

[Aaron]

Over. Did you say peanut butter dot com?

[Adol]

Okay, let's start. Let's start our In Memoriam. Imagine all the people.

[Aaron]

Elvis on a toilet.

[Adol]

Keep going.

[Aaron]

Tom Cruise literally kicking a bucket.

[Adol]

Popeye.

[Aaron]

Popeye.

[Adol]

Forearms exploding.

[JPC]

If they did an immemorium at the Oscars and it was all cartoons and then one human being, I think that would be. They need to do more In Memoriam jokes. I know it's always like a somber, serious moment, but I think that needs some comedy. Have you ever do a bunch of.

[Aaron]

Jokes next to my black and white photo when I die? Come on, don't do a joke.

[Adol]

They're showing celebrities and then it's Betty Boop and then Aaron, and everyone's still laughing for Betty Boop.

[Aaron]

Or there was like, way more applause for Betty Boop. And then it sort of like.

[Adol]

I think it's a lot of cough for Aaron.

[JPC]

All those In Memoriam photos should be super serious, but they should do one funny one. Like when Jeff Daniels dies, they just do the gif of him on the toilet from Dumb and Dumber. And everyone's like, come on, man, that's awesome.

[Aaron]

That's the move.

[JPC]

And then everyone's like, still laughing. And then it's like, Helen Mirren. And they're like, oh, well, come on, come on. Helen Beard's clip has just run off. Jeff Daniels blasting diarrhea.

[Adol]

It's all her scenes from Caligula. And be like, what are we doing?

[JPC]

Come on. If you as an actor ever did full frontal nudity. That is your in memoriam thing. Because honestly, if you did full frontal nudity, you probably did it at the time of your life where you're like, yeah, let's go, man. Let's do some good. Yeah, let's. Let's show this dong off to this confuse. What was Willem Dafoe's thing? His confusing. His confusing penis ever?

[Aaron]

Oh, yeah. Oh, gpc. I purposely hit delete on that. Did you not know? Please don't hand me things that I've already deleted from my brain.

[JPC]

It's like ADOL processes Kyle XY on the show. It's an instant drag to trash.

[Adol]

I'm something of a scientist myself.

[Aaron]

In adol's defense. If I were Adol and I was looking through the files of my brain and I saw a Kyle XY file, I would immediately drag it to the trash. I go, I'm not gonna need this.

[JPC]

Kylexy is what you name the file on your desktop where you hide your porn. Because you don't know what's clicking into that thing.

[Aaron]

No, you know where you hide it is in the porn folder. Because if you're a comedian and you have a porn folder on your desktop, they're like, ha, ha. That must be, like, your important documentation. No, it's literal. That's where I keep all my Internet porn. It's just the app for the Internet in my porn folder.

[JPC]

People aren't saving porn like that anymore. Right. I said. I mentioned that, but I was like, that feels like something that I did back in my early 20s when there wasn't the same access. You would have to download things.

[Aaron]

How were you.

[Adol]

Silence post Limewire. That's not a thing.

[Aaron]

Were people downloading porn on Kaza, Napster, and Limewire?

[JPC]

Oh, Aaron, sweet summer child.

[Adol]

Well, Aaron, I think.

[Aaron]

That was slightly before my time of when I was interested in important. So I don't know.

[Adol]

I feel like there's a time on those sites where it was like, oh, like a friend of mine or my roommate is downloading the Dave Matthews Lily sessions or something, the White sessions, whatever those are called. And then it finishes downloading and somebody pranked downloaders and named it something else so that it, you know, they're. They're downloading porn.

[Aaron]

It's just hardcore porn.

[Adol]

It was like the original Rick Roll, like.

[JPC]

Back in those days. You could also. It would also be like, oh, I didn't know this was a Weird Al song I've never heard of. And you download it and it's just like, Not a Weird Al song. It's just like something that's like mislabeled, that is like. It's like a parody song, but it's not Weird Al. And you're like, why would anyone. What is going on with this?

[Adol]

It's a white guy with acoustic guitar singing Gin and Juice.

[Aaron]

You know how porn websites give like a breakdown of like, what people are watching in different parts of the country and what different demographics are watching?

[JPC]

That's what's going on in your neck of the porn.

[Adol]

Are you watching the 6pm Daily porn news?

[Aaron]

Here's what's going on in your neck of the woman. Holy. Did you just say peanutbutter.com?

[JPC]

I think I met. I think I meant that to be more like a blowjob thing, but I think it sounded more like a neck of the woman is not like a phrase that you should say that. I didn't mean it like a killer way or whatever. That's so funny.

[Aaron]

But I want the data on, like, where people are getting their porn. Like, OnlyFans has had such a renaissance, which is actually, I think, great because then you're paying people directly and who are in it and they're not being as exploited, I hope, as they were before.

[Adol]

But it's the only phantasaunce.

[Aaron]

Yes, only phantasms. And that's how history will remember this time. But are people. I wonder what people are downloading stuff and where people are getting it.

[JPC]

See, I'll go on a limit of vulnerable here and say that I know about OnlyFans, but I've never used OnlyFans and I've never subscribed to an OnlyFans. But the amount of interaction that I have with OnlyFans is sometimes seeing Reddit posts that are like the top five only fans creators are making $1.8 billion and you're like, oh, wow, that seems pretty lucrative for six people.

[Aaron]

So I don't open a window, start an account.

[JPC]

I don't exactly know what the breakdown is. I think it's probably like with most things where it's like the average podcast has six listeners, you know, because there's just so many podcasts. So it's like, it's probably that where like the lower end of the. But you know what, maybe that's a nice thing that you can do. Everyone go and find an OnlyFans creator who only has like 5 followers and throw them a follow. Give them. Give them five bucks a month and.

[Aaron]

Say there's a help out.

[JPC]

The little guy making homemade porn Just for themselves.

[Aaron]

Another Headgum podcast. I'm actually not sure if they're still going. I think they are called girls on porn that I listen to.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron]

And I learned so much. And I think that in the last 10 years, there has been a renaissance in ethical consumption of porn of, like, it being better to pay a little to make sure that no one is being exploited or taken advantage of or just not being paid at all. That makes sense to consider out there if you have a little extra money.

[JPC]

It's like how legalizing sex work will, like, eliminate the pimp profession. You know, it's like.

[Aaron]

Exactly.

[JPC]

Yeah. There are. There are. There are, like, ways to make sex work safer across the board and less exploitative. And the people that insist that, like, sex work is bad are the people that are, like, actively legislating to make it more restrictive and thus, like, letting a criminal underbelly, like, exist in it.

[Aaron]

And you're not going to believe that those people have really predictable porn searches. Turns out they love porn.

[JPC]

Okay, looking at notes. Okay, so we covered which porn is going to die in 2026.

[Aaron]

This is a riddle podcast. Technically. Still. I love this little riddle podcast. I don't care what you say. JPC and adol.

[Adol]

Huh? I love it too.

[Aaron]

They love it too.

[JPC]

We love it, too. It's chugging along like a woman's neck. Should we do some. I'm gonna find a way to make it right. Should we do some riddles? Guys, would you like to do some riddles?

[Aaron]

Yeah. It's your episode. Your old man puzzles. I'm old man puzzles next week.

[Adol]

Yeah, I old man puzzles the week after that.

[JPC]

Yeah, that's how it works.

[Aaron]

So I'm going to take notes, fellow.

[Adol]

Well, hold on, jpc. And then after that, your old man puzzles.

[Aaron]

Yeah, don't forget. Then your old man puzzles after that.

[JPC]

You know what else I realized? For the first episode of the year, we try to give something up. Last year was last year. Googling fail.

[Aaron]

Hey, guys, let's not do this whole song and dance. We fail within the first round, let's.

[Adol]

Give up song and dances.

[JPC]

Oh, that's harder for Aaron. Aaron, do you want to do it?

[Aaron]

No. I wish we could play a montage of, like, no Australian accents this year. And like, two weeks later, it's ADOL being like, g', day, mate. No Googling this year. Ten minutes later.

[JPC]

All right, well, you know what? We're not going to give anything up this year, then. Fine. Fuck it. We're just going to do the show and we're going to make it four fucking real for you.

[Aaron]

Why are we withholding? Let's add something.

[Adol]

Let's add something. Let's go ahead and say that we're all gonna start doing something.

[Aaron]

Yes. Let's be active. We're not gonna be withholding anything. We're gonna be adding something. So what should we add?

[JPC]

You know how in a musical, sometimes, like, in the middle of, like, a song, they'll just do, like, 30 seconds? And when you're listening to it, you're like, what is this? But you know that what's happening is a dance break.

[Aaron]

Mm.

[JPC]

But let's maybe do that for the podcast more. You won't hear us dance, but you will hear 30 seconds of music and just know that we're, like, going hard on a dance gpc.

[Aaron]

I love this idea. Whenever we remember to do this this year, I'm gonna set up a scene, and it's a no dialogue scene, and it will just be 30 seconds of music. Okay. And we're gonna be doing a lot of really funny physical comedy that you cannot see and you will never see. But just picture it in your head like you're listening to a Broadway cast recording and there's a dance break happening. So that being said, if you set.

[JPC]

Up a scene, Aaron, where it's like, me and Adol doing that, can you, not in the scene be going, oh, oh, oh.

[Aaron]

You want me to do that or you don't want me to do it?

[JPC]

I don't know.

[Aaron]

Well, it depends. I think it's case by case. Okay, ready?

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Here's a scene I want to see. You guys are.

[JPC]

She's just looking up. She has nothing here.

[Aaron]

No, no, no, I got it, I got it, got it, I got it, I got it. Jpc, you are a museum security guard, and you are protecting a painting. And Adol, you are a thief that's sneaking in to get it, and all sorts of hijinks kind of ensue.

[JPC]

But you're saying that this is the dance. This is the dance.

[Aaron]

This is 30. Well, like, Casey's gonna play some music to underscore your scene so that. Here we go. And no dialogue.

[JPC]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. We're doing a scene of Casey's underscoring it with music. Isn't that just what we do on the show?

[Aaron]

Yeah, but you're not talking at all.

[JPC]

Oh, thank God. Okay, good.

[Aaron]

Yeah. You guys are not. You can't say a single word. You can't make any noises. Does my guy have completely silent?

[Adol]

What does My guy have an accent?

[Aaron]

Yeah, of course.

[Adol]

Just for my own personal.

[Aaron]

And yeah, if you want to set the scene in any sort of way of what's going on before it starts.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adol]

And can I make Mr. Bean like noises?

[Aaron]

No, no noise. This is a silent movie.

[Adol]

But Mr. Bean like noises.

[Aaron]

Well.

[Adol]

Oh, like that.

[Aaron]

Yeah, but that's gonna be drowned out, so people should know that he's making noises like that.

[JPC]

Can Adel and I make noises and talk and then Casey just mutes it all later.

[Aaron]

Um.

[JPC]

Yeah, I love Aaron.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Actually sitting at two to be like.

[Aaron]

No, no, no, no. Just completely silent. 30 seconds starting.

[JPC]

But there's a setup. There's a setup to the scene before.

[Aaron]

So this is what people will picture what you guys are doing in it.

[JPC]

Got it, got it.

[Adol]

What if we say lines of dialogue and then Casey turns those lines of dialogue into music.

[Aaron]

Casey, do you got time for that?

[Adol]

So me being like, I'm gonna steal this Renoir becomes like.

[JPC]

Oh, that's right.

[Adol]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

Do the Eric Clapton guitar.

[Aaron]

This is just gonna be 30 seconds of sneaking music. Everybody picture the scene I just described.

[JPC]

And scene. Okay, let's do some riddles. That was me calling the end of the scene.

[Aaron]

I loved it. Adol. That is the truly the most impressive physical comedy I've ever seen in my life. That was some Danny K shit, Adel.

[Adol]

Thank you.

[Aaron]

Wow.

[JPC]

Do you think people will realize that I slept and eight. Shit. Four seconds into that seat and just spent the rest of the time on the floor grabbing my knee?

[Aaron]

People are. We're, like, almost eight years into the show. People pictured the exact right thing during that time.

[JPC]

That's right. Speaking of the exact right thing, why don't we move on to some riddles? And this first riddle is from Olive in Austin. Olive writes, this is a country without a land. Its kings and dignitaries are lifeless. If the king is annihilated, no one is left alive.

[Adol]

Old country buffet.

[JPC]

Chess. Chess. Chess.

[Aaron]

But different.

[JPC]

You guys are both right. Chess.

[Adol]

Aaron, recently in New York, I saw Chess, but different.

[Aaron]

And how was it different?

[Adol]

Yep, they tried to make it very topical.

[Aaron]

One Night in Bangkok and Long World.

[JPC]

Is that a song from Chess?

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adol]

Oh, yeah. They did a thing in Chess where. And here's the thing. Jpc. Up until, like, three years ago, I thought it was just like a top 40 hit in the 80s, but it turns out it's linked to a musical. But in this new version, originally, originally, in this new version of Chess, they take Aaron Tevet. Is that his name?

[Aaron]

Tveit.

[Adol]

I Think Tveit. And there's. While he's singing that song, he's like pantless because he was, I guess, you know, doing his thing and like two or three people pick him up in the air and as they like, as he like spins in the air, they bring him down into a pair of pants and then he zips up his pants and the place went nuts.

[Aaron]

Yeah, hold on.

[Adol]

It's hard to describe what happened. He basically got flipped into a pair of pants.

[Aaron]

Adol. I would like to see a scene. It's completely silent and it's ADOL being flipped into a pair of pants. Hit it.

[JPC]

I just want to say this scene, this is, this is not that impressive. This is how I get my toddler into pants. I will say most days.

[Aaron]

That's so funny.

[Adol]

Most of the flip.

[Aaron]

Alley oop, the song nobody sighed from Chess. I don't know if you remember this. It was a real rock bottom wake up call for me. It was my most listened to song in my Spotify Wrapped for 2023.

[Adol]

Aaron, are we doing okay?

[Aaron]

No, I think I listened to it like 300 something times.

[Adol]

Aaron. Oh my God.

[JPC]

I don't want to make this a referendum on Chess the musical, but if you told me there was a musical called Chess, I would assume it was about like Queen's Gambit type, you know, like this is going to be a musical about the board game chess.

[Aaron]

What if I told you this was about the Cold War?

[JPC]

I mean, I guess that's close enough, right? Because I feel like, you know, chess.

[Adol]

Plus cold War and also chess and the love triangle.

[JPC]

So that's what it's about. It's about the Cold War and chess.

[Aaron]

Like that's, that's for us to know and for you to find out. But it's mostly about a guy flipping into a pair of pants.

[JPC]

Yeah. Everything that we were saying about chess and I was like, I don't, I can't make heads or tails of what this.

[Aaron]

No. Let this live in your periphery forever.

[JPC]

All right, that makes more sense.

[Aaron]

And Aaron, you got it.

[JPC]

It is chess. You got it. You got it, you got it.

[Adol]

Wow.

[JPC]

And it is also Old Country Buffet. It's both. We can move on. It grows in the woods, it hangs in a shop. When you touch it, it cries.

[Adol]

It grows in the woods, it hangs in a shop. When you touch it, it dries.

[JPC]

Yeah, Aaron, I was gonna say icicle would work maybe like if when you touch it you cried.

[Aaron]

Onion sickle.

[JPC]

Oh, I love it when Jimmy John's puts out the Onion sickle. Every year it's. The McRib is back and the onion sickle available now.

[Aaron]

Cold, cold onions. Brought to you by Jimmy John. It's Jimmy Johns. You can smell us down the street.

[JPC]

Aaron, you've been out in the west coast for so long. Do you miss the icicles? Do you miss the icicles in the snow?

[Aaron]

I did see some pictures of New York in the snow yesterday, and I just missed it. I was like, it would be so fun to put on some snow boots and waddle over to a diner right now and get a coffee and a waffle at a diner. I do think that cold weather, like, helps your internal rhythm more. Like, I have a hard time with time now that I live in California. Like, nothing really feels real. You kind of feel like you're living on a movie set. And I love, like, when trees change. You're like, yeah, time is passing. This makes sense. In winter, I have an excuse to rest more. And out here, it's just, like, gorgeous every day. And you're like, huh, what to do with this?

[JPC]

Yeah. Hard to track the passage of time.

[Adol]

I want to. Very quickly. Speaking of Jimmy John's, who's the guy, the lead from the new Knives out movie? Josh.

[JPC]

Mr. Challengers.

[Aaron]

Yeah, Mr.

[Adol]

Challengers. That guy, the British guy? Josh O'? Connor?

[Aaron]

Yeah, I think so.

[Adol]

Josh Connor. He did an interview where he was talking about his love of America. What he loves about America is discovering fast food chains. And he said he was shooting something in Ohio, and he's like, I was in Ohio, and there's a strip mall, and it was just this row of amazing. And they had a Jimmy John's, and I love. It was like, I love Jimmy John's. He's, like, going off on Jimmy John's.

[Aaron]

And I was like, he's gotta go on Doughboys.

[Adol]

This really makes me want to eat Jimmy John's. Like, well, I eat Jimmy John's two times a week.

[JPC]

Anyway, I was gonna say, there's a lot of things that make me really want Jimmy John's. Like, driving past a Jimmy John's thinking about it, thinking about Jimmy John's, seeing a person named John, seeing a person named Jimmy eating a Jimmy John's eating a Jimmy John's. They have toasted sandwiches now. Let's talk about. Let's just do Doughboys. That sounds better. Let's do Jimmy John's.

[Adol]

Let's do a Doughboys.

[JPC]

It's not an icicle. It's not an onion. It's not. I will say it's not food. It grows in the woods. It hangs in a shop. When you touch it, it cries.

[Adol]

Is it a rose? Because it cries your blood.

[JPC]

Your blood, your blood.

[Aaron]

Yeah. Is it a plant?

[JPC]

It's. Oh, interesting. It's. No, it's not a plant. Saying it grows in the woods is a little bit, like, intentionally misleading. Like paper. Paper's close, Aaron, in that you're thinking of the. Right. Like it grows in the woods. Like paper technically grows in the woods. You know.

[Adol]

Mushrooms in the woods. Hangs in a window.

[JPC]

It's not a living thing, but it's made from a living thing, I would say.

[Adol]

You said it hangs in a window or hangs in a shop.

[JPC]

Hangs in a shop. Like it's for sale. And I believe that you would hang it for display.

[Aaron]

I don't know. Do you have another hint?

[JPC]

When you touch it, it cries. Think that, like. Do you feel that we were talking about earlier? Who is that? It's not the bad guy. Clapped him, right?

[Adol]

It's not Jethro Tull, is it?

[JPC]

No, no, no.

[Adol]

It's definitely not Clapton.

[Aaron]

It's not Clapton.

[Adol]

Peter Frampton.

[JPC]

Peter Frampton.

[Aaron]

Is it a guitar?

[JPC]

It's not a guitar, Aaron. But that's. Guitar is so close. Guitar's as close as you've ever been to the eighth.

[Aaron]

That'll hit it. It's like a guitar solo. Oh.

[JPC]

I do want to see a scene.

[Aaron]

Hold on.

[JPC]

No, no, no. This is.

[Adol]

It's late in the evening.

[JPC]

Adol, you are going to be playing the owner of a violin shop. Aaron, you're coming in to. Like, you want to buy a violin. But Adol, you don't let Aaron touch the violins. You just tell her how each one would sound by, like, mimicking the violin. But you will not let customers touch your violins.

[Adol]

Welcome in Bienvenue. This is Victor's Violins. Please peruse. Peruse.

[Aaron]

Amazing. I've heard incredible things. I am actually with the Seattle Orchestra and I am actually looking for a Stradivari. I'm looking to invest in one of the best you've got. So. Do you have a back room with some of your knife?

[Adol]

You cannot afford a Stratavarti. Looking at you, looking at how you're dressed.

[Aaron]

I've got about $100,000 saved up, so I feel ready to go.

[Adol]

Oh, my apologies for grabbing you by the shoulders. You can afford a Stratavari.

[Aaron]

And let me just. Could I try this?

[Adol]

No, no, no, no, no.

[JPC]

Slap.

[Adol]

Ah, you're disgusting.

[Aaron]

You slapped yourself so hard across the face.

[Adol]

Because I cannot bear to watch. Disgusting little Fingers touch these beautiful mechanisms. Please point to one that you would like to. You are interested in buying. Please point for Victor. Which one?

[Aaron]

Um, this one, please.

[Adol]

This one here's. Close your eyes. I'm going to put my arm in your hand. This one is out of tune. Do not buy this violin. This violin is shit. It is out of tune.

[Aaron]

I don't think you're not even giving it a fair shot. I just feel like you feel self conscious about the job that you did. All right, well, what about this one?

[Adol]

I show you this one so that the next one you realize what a real violin should sound like. Please point to another one. Please point.

[Aaron]

This one.

[Adol]

Okay. Rude to point. Please just gesture. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Okay. And I'll put a cat in your arm so you have the weight and feel of the violin.

[Aaron]

And this one sounds like this cat is not alive.

[Adol]

Oh, no. That is the violin. That cat is. That is a stuffed taxidermid cat. And that is the sound the violin makes. I was making that. It's sort of a.

[Aaron]

You know, everyone always says that you're the best and that you have a really unconventional method. What if I. You just tell me which violin you think would work best for me. Of these. Of this room.

[Adol]

Turn around, turn around, turn around.

[Aaron]

Okay.

[Adol]

Okay. Lifts up the painting behind the counter. 22 to the left. 14 to the right. 38 to the left.

[JPC]

I forgot the combination.

[Aaron]

Do you have it written down somewhere or is it a birthday?

[Adol]

I wrote it down and I ate it. And I thought that would be dramatic.

[Aaron]

It's them. They're like, sitting, reading a magazine, waiting for him to pass it.

[Adol]

Okay, you know what? I have one behind the counter. Here, let me. This here is a Mataverius, not a Stradivarius Mat Avarius, 1932. Philadelphia. Oak Body, single frame, catgut string. Close your eyes.

[Aaron]

All right.

[JPC]

Fall on your knees.

[Aaron]

I'll take it. Cuts to her in the orchestra. She's playing a dead cat. I think those two are going to make it.

[JPC]

Adel, you are so good at selling that violin.

[Adol]

Thank you. Thank you.

[JPC]

I really wanted to buy it. I was like, I don't know anything about violins. But I'm like, okay, it's from Philadelphia. It's from the 30s.

[Adol]

Must be something. Stradivarius.

[JPC]

Is that Stradivarius?

[Adol]

Stradivarius.

[Aaron]

I don't know how to pronounce it. That's a real thing, though. Stradivari. Stradivari, yeah. Someone will know.

[JPC]

Sounds like a good violin, though.

[Adol]

The best violin do you guys know.

[JPC]

Is there a difference between a violin and a fiddle?

[Aaron]

I don't think so.

[Adol]

Right. How do you hold it?

[JPC]

I was just thinking how you play.

[Aaron]

It, how you hold it.

[JPC]

Do you call it. Is it like a regional thing? Like, it's called a fiddle some places. And it feels like. It feels like in, like, I don't know, somewhere in America, they were like, we don't play the violin here. We play the fiddle. That's what we play. It's like, that's a violin, my man.

[Adol]

That's a violin.

[JPC]

Okay, here's your next one from Olive. How many bagels can you eat on an empty stomach?

[Adol]

1. And then your stomach's not empty, and.

[JPC]

Then your stomach has bagels in it. Yes. That is a classic.

[Aaron]

And five.

[Adol]

Four.

[Aaron]

Five.

[JPC]

And Eric can eat five. All right, well, Eric can eat more than you. Adolf kind of showed you up, big dog.

[Aaron]

I think he was counting down to his answer, which is 50.

[Adol]

Would you believe that Gemma and I were on the front of the Wall Street Journal for buying a large portion of Jenny's bagel ice cream?

[JPC]

Really? Wait, was this true? This wasn't recent, right? This was about.

[Adol]

This was like four years ago. Five years ago.

[JPC]

Do you still have the newspaper?

[Adol]

We never bought a physical copy, but someone sent us a picture. Yeah.

[JPC]

Did you have, like, a grandparent send you that? That feels like something a grandparent would do.

[Adol]

I think Gemma's mom sent us a picture or something. Yeah.

[Aaron]

Adol. That is like a great Two truths and a lie. Yeah. And also a great indicator of, like, your legacy. Like, that's the kind of whimsy, like, you're not on the COVID of newspapers robbing banks.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

You're like, I discovered bagel ice cream and I'm eating it so much, it's newsworthy. That's awesome. The level of whimsy of that is awesome.

[JPC]

When you said Ginny's or when you said Wall Street Journal and bought a large, I was like, oh, he bought stock in, like, Ginny's ice cream. Like, before the Jenny's ice cream boom. Like, that's awesome. But no, you just bought a large stock of Jenny's ice cream and then they're like, presumably ate it.

[Adol]

Wall Street Journal was like, this one guy really likes it.

[JPC]

Slow news day.

[Aaron]

I'd actually like to see a scene. I'm going to be your editor at a big time newspaper and you guys are bringing me stories that I don't find particularly newsworthy. But you keep writing about. All right, boys, get into my office, quick. The news keeps going regardless of how tired we feel. And boy, do we feel tired. We're all going through a divorce, probably like me. You guys get it?

[Adol]

Oh, Miss Standalone. Miss Standalone. Breaking. I got a story.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Adol]

What is Local man getting a divorce.

[Aaron]

Is that me?

[Adol]

Yes.

[Aaron]

Johansen.

[Adol]

Yes.

[Aaron]

All right. 600 words I want on my desk by tomorrow. Try to get a quote from my wife, would you?

[Adol]

Yes, absolutely.

[JPC]

Mr. Tittaloni. Mr. Tittaloni. On the way to work today, I saw a dog tied up outside of a coffee shop while presumably his owners were in the coffee shop.

[Aaron]

Is this an anecdote? Did you let the dog go? What happened next?

[JPC]

No, I sat there and I was imagining what I thought the dog was saying in my mind. Kind of like a running dialogue for what was going on inside the dog's mind. Thought I could write that up into an article. Maybe it's a weekly column. Dog thoughts.

[Aaron]

Make it a comic and I'll take three weeks of it. It better be funny. And it also has to make me think. One panel. Go.

[Adol]

Mr. Tennelloni. Mr. Tennellon.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adol]

How about this? Yesterday, in one 24 hour period, I saw two Mitsubishi Galants.

[JPC]

Holy.

[Adol]

Now those aren't cars you don't see weekly. And I saw two in a 24 hour period.

[Aaron]

Mr. Galant, get our best photographer and get to the bottom of this.

[JPC]

This is front page news, Mr. Tanaloni, Mr. Tennatellone. Not sponsored content. What about an article in the title pitch, on the title alone. The last pair of shoes you'll ever buy.

[Aaron]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[JPC]

The last pair of shoes you'll ever need to buy.

[Aaron]

Sounds more like an ad. Wait, what car did you say you saw two of?

[Adol]

Mitsubishi tendalone.

[JPC]

Oh, a Galant.

[Adol]

Sorry, Mr. Galant. I mean Tenderloini.

[Aaron]

All right. And then you saw a dog. What coffee shop was he tied out in front of?

[JPC]

It was a Starbucks. It could have been any Starbucks. Mr. Tittaloni.

[Aaron]

Wait a minute. I think my ex wife has taken to a new lover. She loves a coffee date.

[JPC]

We all think that.

[Aaron]

And she. What? What?

[Adol]

We all think that. He's gorgeous. Sort of a Lee Pace type.

[JPC]

What? But taller.

[Adol]

No.

[Aaron]

Zoom up from the sky.

[JPC]

See?

[Aaron]

Oh, no.

[Adol]

A Lee Pace type, but taller.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron]

Every guy's worst nightma.

[JPC]

Well, everybody, that's the show. We're doing it a little different this year. We're only doing 30 minutes of it. No, I'm just kidding. We do 30 minutes that we take a break, but we will see you back after these messages.

[Aaron]

Bye.

[JPC]

Adol. Aaron, I am in the dumps.

[Adol]

Oh, why you sad? What's going on?

[JPC]

No, I was trying to buy a lemon, but it turns out I was haggling with this guy trying to buy this lemon. I wanted to, you know, make my water a little more refreshing. And eventually I got home with the thing, and the guy sold me a bad car.

[Adol]

Yeah, lemons can be bad cars.

[JPC]

Well, I didn't know that.

[Adol]

Have you heard? Have you used car gurus?

[JPC]

Oh, Cargurus. I know car gurus. It's car shopping made for you.

[Aaron]

Mm. With Cargurus Discover, you can skip the filters and describe what you're looking for in your own words. Simply type what you want, and Cargurus Discover instantly services real listings and match you with your exact needs so you don't end up with a lemon.

[Adol]

With more than 4 million listings, CarGurus has the biggest selection of cars, so it's easier than ever to find the right car and the right deal.

[JPC]

Okay, let me just use it real quick. I'm going to type into yellow exterior, citrusy, lots of seeds inside. Oh, okay. Well, this is great, because with Cargurus, you can compare cars side by side, check pricing, and estimate your final cost so you can navigate the dealership with confidence.

[Aaron]

It's no wonder Cargurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to SimilarWeb's estimated traffic data.

[Adol]

But don't take it from them. Take it from me. Honk, honk. A real car. Buy or sell your. Put the brakes on, sweetie.

[Aaron]

Sorry.

[Adol]

Buy or sell your next car today with [e-mail]. go to cargurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's C-A-R-G-U R U S.com CarGurus.com Hong Kong get in, everyone.

[Aaron]

Hong Kong.

[Adol]

We're going to the moon.

[JPC]

Oh, hey. Smells like lemon. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

[Adol]

Hey, Aaron. JPC I need some help.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, what's up, Adam?

[Aaron]

Whispering.

[JPC]

What's up? Oh, shit, I'm whispering, too. Yeah, what's up?

[Adol]

I was prepping for riddles today, and I dropped my riddle book down a well.

[JPC]

Oh, okay.

[Aaron]

Classic mistake.

[JPC]

So no school? No school today?

[Adol]

Well, yeah, if the riddles don't show up in the first 20 minutes, we can all leave.

[Aaron]

Good to go.

[JPC]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adol]

But it'd be better if I had some help. Better help. Oh, guys, remember betterhelp.

[Aaron]

Oh, yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. Betterhelp. It's online therapy that can help you more easily identify what is weighing you down, holding you back by offering you unbiased perspective to better understand your relationships, your motivations and your emotions. Better help online therapy.

[Aaron]

And I know people, when they start the new year, they're thinking about self improvement, but also, what if we just improve how we're talking to ourself? What if we just improve how we feel about ourselves?

[Adol]

Yeah. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms, having served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews and adol.

[JPC]

I know what you were doing last year. You said it worked for you, which was, I think, writing all of your secrets down into a book and throwing it into a well. But this year, I mean, it's, you know, it's new year. Maybe try something new. Plus, BetterHelp has 12 plus years of experience and industry leading match fulfillment rate, which means they typically get matching you to a therapist right the first time. But if you're not happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from one of their tailored RECs.

[Aaron]

BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US Hello? Hello? Hello?

[Adol]

Hello. Oh, Aaron. Now a creepy kind of water ghost is crawling out of the well.

[Aaron]

Oh.

[JPC]

Better help makes it easy to get.

[Adol]

Matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Riddle that's betterhelp.com Riddle okay.

[Aaron]

Girl stole my look. Rude.

[JPC]

Hey, girl.

[Aaron]

Hey. You look exactly like me.

[JPC]

Water ghosts could be helpful now. This is awesome.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Turning over a new leaf.

[Adol]

Can I get a sandwich or something?

[Aaron]

Of course.

[Adol]

Water.

[JPC]

Glass of water.

[Aaron]

Adel jpc. You may have noticed my new diamond and emerald necklace. I bought it with the money I saved using Rocket Money.

[Adol]

Whoa.

[Aaron]

Mm. I realized I was spending like $800 a year on unwanted apps and subscriptions. And then turns out I don't need to do that. Rocket Money canceled them for me.

[JPC]

Okay, Aaron, but this. I mean, this necklace looks really expensive.

[Aaron]

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

[JPC]

Okay, I'm seeing a receipt. Adult in the trash. Can't hear. I don't think Eric wants grab your hand. She spent a lot. She spent a lot on this necklace.

[Aaron]

The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give a user a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using Rocket Money for years, way before they were ever a sponsor of Hayward or. I love how clear their communication is. If there's a big spend on my card, it will let me know right away. And it will also let me know what upcoming bills I have to pay. And it'll even negotiate lower bills for you. What a dream.

[Adol]

And for someone like me who hemorrhages money, Rocket Money can help set budgets and goals. I get personalized insights and regular reports. And I can receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances.

[JPC]

Yeah, so I'm looking at Erin's Rocket Money right now, and she has a goal for a new diamond necklace. Aaron, this is too many zeros. Aaron, this is too many zeros.

[Aaron]

It's like 18 zeros. What's wrong?

[JPC]

Well, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com Riddle that's RocketMoney.com Riddle RocketMoney.com.

[Aaron]

Riddle I have to be honest with you guys. This is not a real diamond necklace. It's a bunch of bugs I convinced to be in a diamond formation. Still costs $100,000.

[Adol]

Pretty good.

[JPC]

ADOL. I mean, you know this managing a small business is difficult, right?

[Adol]

Mm. I mean, it's just I have cat pies, which is my food truck where my cats make pies that I sell. And it's a real. It can be a real headache to have a small business.

[JPC]

Yeah. And I seem to recall that the health inspector refused to issue it a rating because he refused to acknowledge that it was a food restaurant.

[Adol]

Yeah, we've had some. There's been some red tape with the animals serving the food, but we're working on it. We're working on it.

[JPC]

Well, again, managing a small business can be hard. You got to juggle multiple disconnected apps to manage your business finances. You have to be anxious about taxes. You might be behind on your books. You're always chasing receipts and keeping up with client invoices. And sometimes you accidentally hire a construction company to bury one of your hosts into a big pile of sand. Completely unintentional. You meant to do something else, and.

[Adol]

That could be about any podcast co host.

[JPC]

And yeah, I'm trying not to make this about me. It's not going to cry for attention here, but it's just the reality of owning a small business. But found has eliminated the clutter by giving you One platform that handles it all. Banking, bookkeeping, invoices and taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps. I gotta tell you, this bulldozer company, their app is trash.

[Adol]

Well, I know that Found makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love, which is solving riddles. And Found helps you find your buried co hosts.

[JPC]

Yeah, I don't know if it'll exactly do that, but it does identify the tasks that create the most hassle for small businesses. Things like categorization, processing expenses, preparing for taxes, managing invoices, budgeting. And they built an app that does it all directly from your business checking account so you have time to vet prudential bulldozer companies before you even hire them to bury one of your co hosts at a big pile up there. One thing that I love about Found is that it automatically tracks expenses, which means that I don't have to carve out time every week for importing expenses, you know, to go through my purchases to make sure everything is accounted for. And again, I got purchase orders from all kinds of construction companies with all kinds of bulldozers. Found makes it easy to see which one buried my friend Aaron alive in the sand.

[Adol]

Yep. And don't take it from us. Take it from the electromagnetic recording that we took eight feet underground of Aaron saying this. Take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for [e-mail] that's f o u n dash. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by lead bank member fdic. Join the hundreds of thousands who have already streamlined their finances with Found. Thanks, Aaron.

[JPC]

That was her.

[Adol]

That was definitely her. That's.

[JPC]

Yeah, she said that.

[Adol]

Yeah. The electro. Electromagnet. That's how you get voices from underground is electromagnets.

[JPC]

Look it up.

[Adol]

We're not lying.

[JPC]

Okay, we're back. And we have some more Reynolds. And they've been submitted by listeners just like you. This is a. Sometimes people include where they're from, but this is one submitted from Waleed from Indiana. And Waleed says that they grew up in the middle of Indiana, which is. I also grew up in the middle of Indiana, but I wonder sometimes if people just say the middle of when they mean the middle of nowhere. Because Indiana has a lot of middle of nowhere. Yeah, but the middle is Indianapolis, which is the biggest city in Indiana.

[Aaron]

Yeah, they probably mean the middle of nowhere. Right?

[Adol]

Not central Indiana, but middle Indiana.

[JPC]

Middle middle Indiana.

[Aaron]

Yeah, you're right.

[JPC]

I Guess I grew up in Central. It doesn't matter. We'll never know and we don't need to know. Don't go looking for Waleed. And also, they might not be in Indiana anymore because this is from like seven years ago, this bill 2019, I think. Anyway, it's an Indiana specific joke riddle, and so it's only fair that I'm reading it to you guys because I obviously would have inside knowledge.

[Adol]

French Lick.

[JPC]

Uh. Oh, yeah, that's it. It's French Lick. It's Larry Bird. It's like what flies through the sky in Boston. Why shouldn't you ever tell secrets in a cornfield?

[Adol]

Cause all those ears, they got ears of corn. Wow.

[JPC]

And you guys aren't even from Indiana, and you got that so fast. Mm. All right, well, that was a warmup basically from Waleed, but Waleed also includes a stumper, and this is one that they wrote and they are very proud of. Sometimes it's shallow, Sometimes it's deep for ages you'll find it led by sheep. What is it?

[Adol]

Howl?

[Aaron]

Sleep.

[JPC]

It's sleep. Did you say howl at all?

[Adol]

I was just going off the first portion. Sometimes it's shallow.

[JPC]

There's like a whole ass series of movies that you. If you told someone who was not born in that era of movies that they existed, they'd be like, not possible, not possible, not possible that they made this movie.

[Adol]

Aaron, have you ever been in a cornfield?

[Aaron]

I have. Kind of spooky. Have you ever done a corn maze?

[Adol]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Pretty stressful, huh? Right, boys? Am I right?

[Adol]

Yeah, if it's large enough.

[JPC]

I love a corn maze. Especially if you have, like, nowhere. The thing about a corn maze that is nice is that, like, I'm never getting stuck in a corn maze because I know I could get through that corn. Like, it's not like that. I know where the sun is and I could get through that corn.

[Adol]

But power through some stalks.

[JPC]

Yeah. It's like a puzzle that, like, I'm having a good time in it, but if I needed to get out, it would. I would. I'd be able to, you know, I'd ruin the maze and I would feel really bad about that for the next people that came through where there's a JPC shaped hole in their corn maze.

[Aaron]

But yeah, it's better than it being walls.

[JPC]

Yes. Or like a hedge maze or something like that. Like, I don't think I want to get through, like, bristly bushes, but I could kind of pass through corn. There's a corn maze that we do every year at this orchard that we go to in, like, the fall. And every year, it's, like, themed differently and designed differently. And I really like the architecture of the corn maze. Like, the design aspect of it.

[Adol]

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes, like, an aerial view, it'll be a picture of something, or it might just.

[JPC]

Yeah. Like a big. One year, it was a big jack o Lantern like, head, and it was, like, from the. It's fun to see that from the.

[Adol]

Sky, you know, I'm growing up with a great grandma who had a farm and sort of rented out her land to have people grow corn and soy on it. Aaron, being in a cornfield at night and feeling there's a lot of bugs in cornfields.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Feeling a bug on you, freaking out, and then running out of a cornfield is, like, the worst sensation in the world, because the ground, it's not a lot of footing because it's usually kind of muddy or gross.

[Aaron]

Well, that's how you make a Midwest superhero.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

How else are we supposed to get Midwest Spider Man?

[Adol]

Thank you. And then, like, running through the corn, you get cut up pretty bad.

[Aaron]

Yikes.

[Adol]

Because those stalks can be kind of sharp. So I grew up around a lot of corn, and it is. It's not great.

[Aaron]

I'll stick to my good old Massachusetts, if you don't mind.

[JPC]

Yeah. Clam field.

[Aaron]

A clam field. Disgusting. That's so gross.

[Adol]

Rip one off the stalk. Bite into it.

[Aaron]

Mmm.

[Adol]

The clams are fresh this year.

[JPC]

Salty.

[Adol]

He shucked clams and he shucked corn.

[JPC]

We did one from Indiana, so it's only fair that we do one a little closer to Erin. Aaron, are you familiar with Everett, Massachusetts?

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Well, this one's from Isabella in Everett, Massachusetts. And this comes from a riddle book that Isabella said is from 1902.

[Aaron]

Wow. Okay, old timey.

[JPC]

Yeah. This riddle's a little long, but it's called Ms. Fanshawe's Enigma. Okay.

[Aaron]

Perfect.

[JPC]

Twas whispered in heaven and muttered in hell, and echo caught taint. I'm sorry. It's a little. It's a screenshot that I'm looking at. So the word is not taintly. It's faintly, but it's like this thing is faded. So it does look like taintly, but it's not. I want to be clear. It is not taintly.

[Adol]

I was going to say echo caught taint. That's the most beautiful prose about a taint I've ever heard.

[JPC]

Echo caught taint is like some Lost fanfic. Lost, the TV show. Right. Mr. Echo doesn't matter, Mr. Echo?

[Adol]

Yes, yes, yes.

[JPC]

I'll start again. We'll leave all this in. Twas whispered in heaven and muttered in hell and echo caught faintly the sound as it fell on the confines of earth. Twas permitted to rest in the depths of the ocean its presence confessed. Twas seen in the lightning and heard in the thunder. Twill be found in the spheres when river asunder. Twas given to man with his earliest breath Assists at his birth and attends him in death. Presides o' er his happiness, honor and health is the prop of his house and the end of his wealth it begins Every hope, every wish it must bound and though unassuming with monarchs is crowned. Without it the soldier and sailor may roam. But woe to the wretch who expels it from home. But in shade let it rest like a delicate flower. Oh, breathe on it softly. It dies in an hour.

[Adol]

I think I know. My first thought is God. Like, of course they're gonna be like, God is everywhere, and he's in every battle cry and every whispering widow. But I feel like it's the letter.

[JPC]

H. It's the letter H. It is the letter H. Incredible. ADOL Can I ask what, A, have we done this before? And B, what clued you into the letter H being the answer there?

[Adol]

I feel like I would remember this because it was so reversed, yet beautiful. I think everything seemed so disparate. Nothing seemed connected. And then slowly I was like, oh, a lot of the words, like, when you say it ends every Something not thought. I feel like there's a line that was like, it ends every.

[JPC]

Whatever assists at his birth and attends him in death. Maybe.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

But there's a few phrasings where I was like, oh, it sounds like they're pointing us towards a specific letter.

[Aaron]

I also think when you've done riddles long enough, you run through, like, could this be a spelling thing?

[Adol]

Yeah. Yep.

[Aaron]

Like, that is a box you have to check when you're solving a riddle.

[JPC]

There's a lot of H's in this. And I think the longer the riddle goes, because it went a long time, you're like, okay, so there. There have been a lot of H's at this, but that's the only thing that there are is just a lot of H's.

[Adol]

I do want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a woman in 1905, and you live out in the countryside. You're so lonely. JPC you're sort of a traveling salesman who knocks on the door to push your wares And Aaron, I think you're so lonely that you have this sort of really verbose, eloquent way of speaking that just kind of prattles on.

[JPC]

And. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.

[Aaron]

Who is it?

[JPC]

Come in. Oh, just walk into your house. Well, in order of the way.

[Aaron]

Right this way. Come in, come in. Of course. Let me bring you to the drawing room. Now, I'll tell you something. When I married my husband in 1843, he said there would be no. No space in our home for a room this ornate that no one would ever sit in here. We'd never take company right here at the front. And I said, no, no, no. People are going to love to sit at a couch such as this in front of the fire. It's not too formal, but it is quite lovely.

[JPC]

Yes. And did you do all these drawings by hand?

[Aaron]

No. So, as I was saying, thank God.

[JPC]

This is a child's work.

[Aaron]

These. These curtains. I actually had them brought over by ship from France.

[JPC]

Oh.

[Aaron]

And these drawings I did by hand.

[JPC]

But these drawings are the ones by hand? Yes. These look good. These are one of these. Thanksg.

[Aaron]

Yes. I made my hand put my hand.

[Adol]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Literally by hand.

[Aaron]

By hand. And then I drew around it. Did I ever tell you about. Sit. Sit down.

[JPC]

We've never met, and I'd love to sit down, but of course, I have to tell you about my great curtain cleaning spray that I'm selling.

[Aaron]

Two of my 12 sons helped build the railroad. Can you believe that? Two of the 12.

[JPC]

Which, which. Which railroad, ma'? Am?

[Aaron]

The one that goes west.

[JPC]

West. Ah, the Great Western railroad.

[Aaron]

Mm.

[JPC]

How proud you are.

[Aaron]

Ruined this country.

[JPC]

Uh. Oh.

[Aaron]

All of those machines.

[JPC]

Yes, of course.

[Aaron]

And the factory's little kids hands were doing just fine before those machines. Yes, the quality is going down. I miss the trade.

[JPC]

Oh, so not the machines that built the railroad, but the machines? Means you're talking about, like, textiles.

[Aaron]

Textiles, yes.

[JPC]

So you were born before the industrial revolution, Is that what I.

[Aaron]

Yes, I got married in 1843.

[JPC]

These. Whoa. These drapes are positively filthy. But if you'd allow me to use my patented drape cleaning spray, I can show you.

[Aaron]

Ah, that reminds me of a story.

[JPC]

How?

[Aaron]

Change the subject.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron]

All right, you know what? Could you sit down and play me a tune at my piano? No one has played this piano since my daughter passed away 15 years ago.

[JPC]

Yikes. Bikes. That's what the smell is. Yeah, smells great because it was only 15 minutes. Let me sit down here. Do you have two that you would like me to play? What's popular now.

[Aaron]

Old T rag you so even.

[JPC]

Oh, you just jumped right in and you're playing.

[Aaron]

Okay. The Titanic's going to sink in 15 years time. The Titanic's going to sink in 15 years time is referring to. It's going down to the bottom of the sea. Passengers are you and me. These bottles together. Me and my best friend.

[JPC]

You and your best friend. I'm your best friend.

[Aaron]

It'll be the end.

[JPC]

You don't even know my name.

[Aaron]

Here's your ticket. Let's get on the Titanic.

[JPC]

30 second dance break.

[Aaron]

It sings dance break. Can we let that go? Seven minutes?

[JPC]

Yeah, we can. For sure we can.

[Adol]

How haunting to have the Titanic crash and then be like, here's a vinyl record. Here's a song 15 years ago that predicts this very incident. Although that happened with a book, right?

[JPC]

It did, yeah.

[Adol]

Wasn't there a book from 1820 where it was like a large ship called the Titanic sank in the middle of the ocean?

[JPC]

I vaguely do remember something like that. But there's also, it's like all these works of fiction where they're like, whoa, this predicted the future. And it's like, well, maybe it could have been like a lucky coincidence because of all of the other books that were written that didn't predict, you know, the future. But I do think that those historical coincidences are very fun to see. Oh, yeah, it just, it's a bummer that the people who did them don't get to enjoy them because they were like, this guy died like 100 years ago, so he doesn't get to be like, right about a week.

[Adol]

Oh, dine out on that for the rest of your life. Never pay for a beer again because you protected the Titanic.

[JPC]

Yeah, you're like the Michael Berry of like the 1800s, you know, that's the guy. Is that the guy? That's the big short guy, right? He's definitely one of them.

[Adol]

In the 1898 novella by Morgan Robertson, the wreck of the Titan eerily foreshadowed the Titanic disaster 14 years later with its story of a giant unsinkable liner called the Titan hitting an iceberg in the North Atlantic, sinking due to lack of lifeboats.

[Aaron]

Scary stuff.

[JPC]

But also, could the people who built the Titanic been like, no. Titan. That's a pretty cool name for that for a boat. Let's not do it. Let's not get so on the nose with that.

[Adol]

It's a self fulfilling prophecy. This person who wrote the book was in charge of naming the boat.

[JPC]

It's that one thing where you just, like, you hear a joke somewhere else and then later you tell it and you're like, that's my joke. And you're like, ah, fuck. No.

[Aaron]

That's from Forgotten. Cite my sources.

[JPC]

Speaking of citing your sources, this is a riddle from Jacob. Jacob writes, we silken haired soldiers in green clothing stand native to most, but not all fertile lands get lost in our ranks at the right time of year. Tear us apart and we'll lend you our ears. What are we?

[Aaron]

Corn.

[Adol]

Gotta be corn.

[JPC]

It's also corn. Two people submitted.

[Aaron]

Stop doing corn riddles.

[JPC]

Two people submitted corn riddles. So close together. I thought that that was just so, so excellent.

[Adol]

And this is in your desktop folder named Corn.

[JPC]

This is called Poems, which is the real name of the folder where I used to hide my pornography. Because I'm like, no one's gonna want to read my poems.

[Aaron]

That's really fucking funny.

[JPC]

And I think earlier in the show, I don't remember which riddle it was, but I think we had a riddle from Australia. Now we have another riddle from Australia.

[Aaron]

Ooh la Liu.

[JPC]

These are. This is a. I enjoyed this one. This is from Josh in Australia. Josh writes, there was a plane crash and every single person died. Who survived.

[Adol]

There was a plane crash and every single person died.

[JPC]

Every single person died. But who survived?

[Adol]

Nobody.

[JPC]

This has big, like, plane crash on the border. Who buried the survivors? You know, vibes.

[Adol]

Mr. Black Box. Like, what's the.

[JPC]

Oh, Mr. Black Box. Yeah, sing me a tune.

[Aaron]

Doo doo doo doo.

[JPC]

Sing me a tune of people screaming for help. Mr. Black Box. No, it's not Mr. Black Box. Aaron. What? You said something. That was no one. You said no one.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

No, it's not no one. There are survivors. That's why I asked who survived.

[Adol]

Can you read it one more time?

[JPC]

There was a plane crash and every single person died. Who survived now?

[Adol]

All the married people.

[JPC]

The married couples.

[Aaron]

Right.

[JPC]

Wow. As someone who's married, I love this riddle. I'm like, hell, yeah. Don't know how. Don't know how it would have worked out that the married people live.

[Adol]

I do want to see a scene.

[JPC]

Yes, please.

[Adol]

The two of you are sitting next to each other on a plane. You don't know each other. There's some obvious issues happening with the plane to where it might drop out of the sky. And the two of you are panicking and trying to connect somehow before the plane crashes.

[JPC]

I know the captain's kind of putting on a brave face, but, like, I.

[Aaron]

Sorry. Scene.

[JPC]

Important to note. Aaron took an AirPod out of her ear.

[Aaron]

Yes. Important note to the editor.

[JPC]

Note to. No to note to listener. I do love the fact that, like, the plan is there's obviously something going down and the person's just listening to their podcast.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Like, yeah, I cannot be bothered.

[Aaron]

I'm not doing this whole song and dance. I'm going to be dying listening to my favorite podcast.

[Adol]

I've definitely had things where people are talking to me and I take out my AirPod and I'm like, huh? And they're like, oh, sorry, I didn't see that you had headphones in. And I'm like, oh, yeah. And then I answer, whatever, and I put it back in. And then they say something else. And I'm like, huh. It's like, at this point, you know, I'm, you know, the headphones in, listening to something. Yeah.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I flew relatively recently for the holidays, and on both flights, I got to see my favorite thing, which is, you know, when you're boarding the plane, someone being like, oh, excuse me, I think you're in my seat. And someone in a row that's clearly marked 12. They're like, Is this 14? And someone's like, no, this. You're in 12. And they're like, oh. And then they go and move to 14. And I'm like, I think it's pretty clearly marked, like, every. Like, it's not like. It's not like they do, like, weird things where it's like, oh, you know what? The row on this plan, it goes 8, 9, 12, 14, 11, 10. But I saw it twice on both flights, and I was like, huh, this is. I don't think it's ever happened to me that I've, like, sat in the wrong seat on a plane. But I guess maybe people just, like, aren't paying super close attention. Or people think, like, it's a seat on a plane. Like, who cares?

[Adol]

I've had a few times recently where I have. I always get a window seat, if possible. Where I've had the window seat. This has happened two or three times in the past couple months. I have a window seat. I go onto the plane. I'm boarding group three, maybe, and someone is in my seat, and they're like, quote, unquote, asleep against the window. And it's like. And then I have to, like, grab a.

[Aaron]

That's when you make a rooster noise.

[Adol]

I have to grab a flight attendant, be like, I'm not gonna wake this person up. I don't think they're really asleep. They just. They're faking to be asleep so I don't say anything.

[JPC]

They're gonna be erratic, and they're gonna wake up.

[Aaron]

That's what children do, Fake being asleep.

[JPC]

This is like the people on the megabus, when I used to ride the megabus home to Indianapolis, who would just put, like, a huge backpack or something on the other seat. And I'm like, come on, man. It's a full buzz. Like, what are we doing? You gotta move the backpack. Someone's gonna sit there. You kind of don't want to sit next to the person who's gonna do that. Because you're like. You're obviously not like, the greatest person in the world. I wanna share a thing. But when they're like, full bus, full plane, you're like, okay, come on. Come on.

[Adol]

What are we doing?

[Aaron]

What are we doing?

[JPC]

I've never had. I've never had a person. I've never had a person in my seat. It sucks, because there are all these little confrontations that I would love to have with people, but they never happen for me. I never get to go on a plane, and there's someone in my seat, and I get to be like, move it or lose it, pal.

[Aaron]

Hey, men. Men out there who feel that way that JPC does, you can always scratch that itch by defending something or defending someone that is happening to.

[JPC]

Nah.

[Aaron]

Yeah, but if you see that, like, happening to a lady and someone's in her seat, be like, hey, man, you're in her seat.

[JPC]

What if my headphones in?

[Aaron]

Then, yeah, then you just ignore it.

[JPC]

I would love. I would love it if it's like, a woman who's like, excuse me, sir, you're in my seat. And they're like, I'm not in your seat. And I go, hey, man, you're in her seat. And then it's like, he's like, I'm 12. And she's like, oh, my God, I'm 15. I'm like, oh, well, next time, bitch, you better fucking. You better get right with God. Cause if you ever do sit in her seat, I'm gonna kill you. And he's like, hey, man, I'm in my seat. And I'm like, sorry, dude, I just have to double down. I don't know. I gotta. I committed to this. I committed to this way too hard. I didn't have all. And now I really have to.

[Aaron]

I have to die on this hill, brother. I'm so sorry.

[Adol]

I simply had to insert myself.

[JPC]

Oh, you know what I. What I said is you guys switched bodies, so you are in her seat because you guys switched bodies.

[Aaron]

Sir, sir, please.

[JPC]

I'll go back to my seat in a second. Just. I have to do this because I'm so into it now. Sir, I switch bodies with someone else on the plane. I think I'm in the pilot's body. I gotta get into the cockpit. And they're like, sir, we won't restrain you. I'm an air marshal. I will draw down on you, sir. And I'm like, no, I'm the pilot.

[Aaron]

We will toss you in the luggage section, so help me God.

[JPC]

Okay, we have another one from Josh, still from Australia. What hard rock group has four dudes but none of them. It says neither of them, but I do think it's. None of them plays the guitar.

[Adol]

Four dudes. None of them play the guitar?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

This is a literal rock group?

[JPC]

Yes. I mean, it's a hard rock group with four dudes and. Yeah, it's four dudes, but none of them plays the guitar.

[Adol]

Bluegren group.

[JPC]

No, it's not the bluegreen group. That's a great guess, and this is a great riddle. This is an excellent riddle, Josh. Hmm?

[Adol]

None of them play the guitar.

[JPC]

None of them play the guitar.

[Adol]

Is this a thing of, like. None of them play the guitar because they all play the guitar. Is it that kind of thing of, like.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, got it. No, no, no. No single one of them plays the guitar. Like, there's no one playing the guitar in this hard rock group.

[Adol]

Genesis.

[JPC]

It's not Genesis.

[Adol]

Is this an actual band or is this like a.

[JPC]

Do you want some hints? I have some hints, yeah. Do they play other instruments other than guitar? No.

[Adol]

So it says that none of them play barbershop quartet.

[JPC]

That's such a great guess. Here's your second hint. Are they well known? Yes. I would say, especially in the United States, but, yes, I think they're very well known.

[Adol]

Oh, the Monkeys.

[Aaron]

The Wiggles.

[JPC]

It's not the Monkeys in Aaron. It's not the Wiggles.

[Adol]

The Monkeys.

[JPC]

Because remember, this is a hard rock group.

[Adol]

Okay?

[JPC]

And I wouldn't call the Wiggles or the Monkeys hard rock.

[Adol]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot hard rock.

[JPC]

There's an. There's another one of them, and I don't know what it means. And there's a in parentheses. And remember, Josh is from Australia. In parentheses, it says round of applause. If this hint actually helps. So do you want hint three?

[Aaron]

Yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

Hint three is, does Richie Rich go into the eye of one of them? And the answer is yes.

[Adol]

I have a needle. I have a Tiger Hurricane. Does Richie Rich go into the eye of one of them?

[JPC]

I think that's one of those clues that if it helps you, you got it. And if it doesn't help you, like, I would abandon it because I don't know what it means.

[Adol]

Wasn't there a thing of, like, a rich man has as much chances going to heaven as, like, Camel does having. Going through the eye of a needle or something? Is that.

[Aaron]

Something like that?

[JPC]

That sounds super familiar. Man, give me a bread and give me a fishing. You got a fucking parable at your hands.

[Adol]

Richie Rich goes into the eye of one of them.

[JPC]

How else can I help you? It's a hard rock group, but it's not a band.

[Adol]

Okay.

[JPC]

In fact, I would say that none of them are really known for being musicians.

[Adol]

Spinal Tap.

[JPC]

It's not Spinal Tap. They're not even really associated, I think, with the arts, but they're all famous.

[Adol]

Is this hard rock like geology? Is this getting into, like, a geology situation? Oh, Mount Rushmore.

[JPC]

It's Mount Rushmore.

[Aaron]

Wow.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adol]

Hard rock.

[Aaron]

Boo.

[JPC]

Did it throw you off that I said Joshua from Australia? Because I feel like if you're from Australia, you should not know about Mount Rushmore.

[Aaron]

Yeah. That's frankly none of your business. Australia. Mind your business. Keep your eyes on your own paper business.

[JPC]

I don't know about your rocks. I don't know what kind of carvings you got down there in Australia, whittling the fucking outback.

[Adol]

Mm.

[JPC]

All right, that's good enough.

[Adol]

Real quick.

[JPC]

Yeah, please.

[Adol]

Is there. Did somebody working on Mount Rushmore sneak Richie Rich into one of their eyeballs?

[JPC]

I have no idea. It might be like, deep cut lore from a Richie Rich comic. I don't know. I don't even know. I don't know nothing about Rich G. Rich. Like, that's not as big an appeal.

[Adol]

Say that that's Casper. That Richie Rich dies and becomes Casper.

[JPC]

There is a fan theory out there. All right. Hey, speaking of fans. Yeah, this kind of fits. Casey, do we have a new voicemail theme? How you doing, buddy? Singh, Stacey. Tony. Annie. Barrett.

[Aaron]

Janet. Bernie.

[JPC]

Whoa.

[Aaron]

Are they from Australia?

[JPC]

Okay, I was going to ask you. There is a thick accent in there. Can anyone place the accent? Because my first thought, but I got it completely wrong.

[Aaron]

It's Australia. Didn't they say good day made at the beginning?

[JPC]

It's not Australia. It's not Australia.

[Aaron]

New Zealand.

[JPC]

Vermont.

[Aaron]

Huh? Okay, I have to go lay down.

[Adol]

Vermontian accent.

[JPC]

That's a Vermontian accent. And that's from Dangas. Angus. Thank you Dangus, Angus, if you want to submit a voicemail theme 30 seconds or less as a WAV file to hrrpodcastmail. Casey, do we have a voicemail?

[Aaron]

Hey, Click Crew, My name is Bridget.

[JPC]

And I literally am driving home from.

[Aaron]

My job right now and heard the Patreon promo for this week and you said my name, so that means I.

[JPC]

Have to call you. You also said Kevin, which isn't new.

[Aaron]

That is both my father and my brother's name. What's your dad's name?

[JPC]

Have a great time. What? I've been working all day.

[Aaron]

Love you guys.

[JPC]

See you in Philly.

[Adol]

Bye.

[Aaron]

Okay, love you.

[Adol]

This is your dad's name.

[JPC]

This is such a great question.

[Aaron]

Couldn't have predicted what that question was going to be. Well, should we keep guessing her the names of her other family members? I feel like we're doing pretty well.

[JPC]

Let's see. Can we guess each other's dad's names? Now, this is unfair because Adol's middle name is his dad's name, so I know Adolce, but Aaron's dad, who I've met, never met Adoles. Do I know your dad's first name?

[Adol]

Yeah. I don't know if I've ever. I don't know if I've ever heard either of you say your dad's name.

[JPC]

I just call him Papa or Daddy.

[Adol]

Just call him Pop. Pop.

[Aaron]

But gbc, you were born via Immaculate Contemption. So your dad is God or the devil. I forget which one yours was.

[JPC]

Immaculate Contemption. It was. Oh, sorry, I got nothing. I have nothing for what that would even be. Yeah, I don't know that. I don't know that you guys would be able to pull my dad's name. Fred and Aaron, it's fucking bothering me that I don't know your dad's name. I want to say your dad's name.

[Aaron]

He will ring a bell, I bet.

[JPC]

Michael. No, I'm like throwing Cath. Just like any Catholic name out there.

[Aaron]

I feel like it's fun to say in a Boston accent. Like I. Oh, when I picture my dad's name, I picture people saying. No.

[JPC]

Honestly, Eric, can you say Shoki with a Boston accent? I can't do it. Shy.

[Aaron]

Sh, sh. Wait, hold on.

[JPC]

It doesn't. It doesn't really lend itself well to, like, the whole Boston accent thing. I need final answers here. What's Adel? Aaron, you both have one guess at my dad's name. And Adel, I think you still owe Aaron a guess for her dad's name.

[Adol]

Aaron, your dad. Your dad's name. Here's. And here's the thing. I've met him. Delightful man. But I feel like it's always like, this is my dad. Hey, Adol. JPC. You've met my dad.

[JPC]

I call him Mr. Keefe.

[Adol]

Is it like Anthony?

[Aaron]

No shit.

[JPC]

All right, what is it?

[Aaron]

Jpc. Your dad's name is Xanax Creek Cohen.

[JPC]

Well, my dad wouldn't have my last name because I invented my last name, of course. My dad's name is Larry. Larry.

[Adol]

Larry.

[Aaron]

Classic.

[JPC]

And I don't think he's a Lawrence. I think he's legit a Larry. Always been a Larry. Aaron, what's your dad's name?

[Aaron]

Richard.

[JPC]

Richard. Fuck. That's such a classic dad name.

[Adol]

Richard, you always Richard.

[Aaron]

Richard.

[JPC]

Well, hey listeners of the show. Now it's time for Plugs and what's your dad's name? Feel free to leave your dad's name in the comments. I don't know why you call it.

[Aaron]

And tell us your dad's name.

[Adol]

Sounds like a fishing scam.

[JPC]

Adol, do you have anything to plug?

[Adol]

Yes. Please check out the podcasts. Hello from the Magic Tavern. As well as Gumshoes and Dragons wherever you find podcasts. If you're looking for new podcasts to add to your listening list this year, please check out hello from the Magic Tavern and Gumshoes and Dragons. Aaron. Anything for listeners to know.

[Aaron]

You can check out my show, Quality time here in Los Angeles. It's a true variety show. It's usually the second Sunday of the month at 5:30 at the Lyric, but every once in a while it changes. So you can follow us on Instagram if you want to keep up.

[JPC]

Cool.

[Aaron]

Gpc. Any review to read or something to plug? I don't know. Bitch.

[JPC]

Aaron, I'm thinking of a new thing where I play that sound clip every time you ask me if there's something that I have to plug. What do we think of that as a bit great?

[Aaron]

The only person I have to talk to on the show now is me. Sounds good.

[JPC]

I would say listen to the. Hey, Riddle. Riddle. Patreon. Hey, it's the beginning of the year. It's the perfect time to sign up for one of our annual memberships. You can pay for a full year and I think you get like a month off when you do that. Patreon.com hey. RiverDalevertell. We'll be doing bonus episodes every week and some review cruise every month. It's a lot of fun over there. And some live streams that you can check out. And one more thing to plug. If you're listening to this, when it comes out, you can still get tickets to our San Francisco Sketchfest show that is gonna be at 4pm Pacific Time at the Gateway Theater in San Francisco on Sunday the 18th. Again, Sunday the 18th, 4:00pm, San Francisco, the Gateway Theater. You can buy tickets if you Google Hayward overtle Sketchfest. You'll find the ticket link. That's the best way to get them. And we hope to see some of you in San Francisco.

[Aaron]

Immigrant.

[JPC]

You gotta sing it live. Aaron, you gotta sing that live.

[Adol]

I'm going to serve some friction. Is that what you're saying?

[Aaron]

San Francisco? What did I say? What did you say? Hey.

[JPC]

That'S. That's probably. That's probably about it for me.

[Adol]

All right, should we end with like a choreographed dance?

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Adol]

Okay. And five, six, seven, eight.

[JPC]

Sam.

[Aaron]

Jupiter.

[JPC]

I feel like now I need to get a sound bite of Aaron saying Jupiter and a sound bite of Adel saying bye forever. So I can just like launch those in.

[Aaron]

Can I go? Then can I take off and take a nap?

[JPC]

Created by emily cross. Hey there, bakers and pegs. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's another edition of phrase the roof. You can listen to that plus our entire back [e-mail] Heyriddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or sorry, a 7 day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

[Aaron]

That was a headgum podcast. VRBO's last minute deals make chasing fresh mountain powder incredibly easy. With thousands of homes close to the slopes, you can get epic pow freshies, first tracks and more. Find last minute deals with the last minute filter on the app. Book a private vacation rental [e-mail].