Bonus: Hey Riddle Riddle Live from Boston 10.3.24

Summary

Hey Riddle Riddle Live from Boston 10.3.24 – Episode Summary

Release Date: May 15, 2025

Introduction and Host Banter

The live episode kicks off with a light-hearted and chaotic exchange among the hosts—Aaron Keefe, John Patrick Coan (JPC), and Adel Rifai. Aaron expresses surprise over the episode's sudden release, prompting JPC and Adel to remind him that the decision was his to promote their upcoming 2025 East Coast tour.

• Aaron Keefe [00:04]: "What the heck? How did this episode get here? Huh?"
• JPC [00:45]: "Aaron, since you seem to forget, your idea was that we had a lot of fun at our east coast tour last year..."

The playful banter sets a comedic tone, highlighting their camaraderie and improvisational chemistry.

Parody Performance: Arnie Parrott and "Sweet Caroline"

Adel adopts the persona of "Dr. McIntyre" to warn Aaron about the dangers of reiterative head bonking, leading to a whimsical transition where JPC transforms into "Arnie Parrott." Arnie delivers a humorous and exaggerated rendition of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline," merging it with improvised, Boston-themed lyrics.

• Arnie Parrott [03:05]: "Sweet Caroline... Are you guys fucking ready for a show?"

The performance intentionally veers off-script, incorporating slapstick humor and intentional confusion, reflecting the hosts' penchant for satire and parody.

Audience Interaction and Riddles Segment

Transitioning back to their roots as a riddles and puzzles podcast, the hosts engage the live audience with a series of challenging riddles. They encourage audience participation, emphasizing the rules to foster a fun and interactive environment.

• JPC [20:54]: "If you've never been to a live show before, we are going to read riddles. And we're going to try our best to answer them."

Notable moments include attempts to solve complex riddles, often resulting in humorous misinterpretations and improvised scenes to illustrate their thought processes.

Boston Bracket Challenge

Adel introduces a unique segment where the hosts debate and vote on quintessential Boston-related topics. This bracket-style competition features humorous and often absurd matchups, reflecting the city's rich culture and history.

• Adel [68:38]: "What was the second one? What's the Big Dig?"

Participants debate topics like the Big Dig versus the palpable sense of Irish Catholic guilt, Duck Boats versus iced coffee in the middle of winter, and the Great Molasses Flood versus Red Sox victories.

• JPC [73:46]: "It's Ted Kennedy. I have to fight for wicked here. Adulthood is wicked."

This segment showcases the hosts' deep affection for Boston, coupled with their signature humor, as they navigate through a mix of historical references and local lore.

Improvisational Scenes Based on Riddles

To breathe life into the riddles, the hosts create improvised scenes that dramatize the scenarios posed by each puzzle. These sketches range from absurd to darkly comedic, allowing the hosts to showcase their improvisational skills.

• Adel [50:42]: "The two of you are twins. You were separated at birth..."
• JPC [44:52]: "How are you gonna participate in the rest of the battle when I got your fucking nose?"

The improvisations often lead to spontaneous laughter and unpredictable twists, illustrating the dynamic interplay between the hosts.

Mock Wedding Ceremony

In a heartwarming and comedic twist, the hosts officiate a spontaneous wedding for two audience members. Despite lacking formal ordination, they infuse the ceremony with their unique humor and affectionate jabs.

• JPC [84:43]: "I don't see why that Sam Adams thing. Yeah, that seems right. That seems right."
• Aaron Keefe [86:53]: "I'm going to be on stage with him. So thank you for doing this, Connor."

The ceremony is filled with improvised vows, playful interruptions, and affectionate humor, culminating in a celebratory moment that underscores the hosts' playful rapport with their audience.

Closing Song: "The MTA" Parody

The episode concludes with a parody song about Boston's Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA), blending storytelling with musical improvisation. The song narrates the fictional and tragic tale of Charlie, a man who never returns from his MTA ride, symbolizing frustrations and folklore associated with Boston's transit system.

• Aaron Keefe [89:11]: "He put 10 cents in his pocket Kissed his wife and family Went to ride on the well, did he ever return?"

The song intertwines humor with local grievances, serving as both a comedic farewell and a tribute to Boston's intricate transit history.

Notable Quotes and Moments

• Aaron Keefe [22:19]: "Now for a riddle. As if this whole book isn't riddles."
• Adel [16:47]: "Webster's Dictionary defines pander as intransitive verb to act as a pander..."
• JPC [36:50]: "Well, hey, you're an alcoholic, huh?"

These moments highlight the hosts' witty exchanges and their ability to blend serious content with irreverent humor seamlessly.

Conclusion

This live bonus episode of Hey Riddle Riddle offers a vibrant mix of improvisational comedy, interactive riddles, and affectionate nods to Boston's culture. The hosts' dynamic interplay, combined with their inventive segments, creates an engaging and entertaining experience for both longtime fans and newcomers alike. Through humor, parody, and heartfelt moments, Aaron, JPC, and Adel deliver a memorable performance that underscores the essence of the Hey Riddle Riddle podcast.

Transcript

[Aaron Keefe]

What the heck? How did this episode get here? Huh?

[JPC]

What?

[Adel]

Who?

[Aaron Keefe]

Huh?

[Adel]

Aaron, you bonked your head so hard.

[Aaron Keefe]

You guys saw that, right? That looked really bad, right?

[JPC]

Yeah. But also, this was. This was your idea. You said, hey, why don't we release one of our live show from last year on the main feed to promote the tour that we're doing in 2025. Aaron, this was your idea.

[Aaron Keefe]

Humming a huh?

[Adel]

Aaron, you keep bonking your head so. And then waking up, pretending to be wildly confused and thinking that you're in a different time period.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. What is this magic box?

[Adel]

That's a tv. You're looking at a tv looking at a tv.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yuminy.

[JPC]

Whoa. Wow. Well, Aaron, since you seem to forget, your idea was that we had a lot of fun at our east coast tour last year. So we're going to take some of those episodes that we never released before now and. And we're gonna release one on the main feed. Everyone's gonna have access to it and that might make people wanna come and see us live. And then they can go to heyredovertle.com.

[Aaron Keefe]

Live and the link will be in the description of this. Yeah.

[JPC]

Buy tickets if they're still available. Cause they're selling fast to our tour this year. Yeah, that was the premise.

[Aaron Keefe]

So get them while they're still available, right? Yeah, but. Humming.

[JPC]

Sorry.

[Adel]

Sorry, folks. I've been sitting over there. I just. I have to say something. Of course. My name is Dr. McIntyre. I'm Aaron's. Dr. Aaron, I've.

[Aaron Keefe]

I've. Whoa.

[Adel]

Obviously you called me over and I've been looking at you and giving you some tests. If you bonk your head one more time, I'm afraid that you will never be able to solve riddles again.

[Aaron Keefe]

So please know, sir, I don't remember ever meeting you before. Bonk's head on purpose. Against the wall. No more riddles. Peace in my brain, I find.

[Adel]

Sorry, I said you won't be able to solve riddles, not that you won't be able to hear riddles.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh my God. Some brain matter is coming out of my nose.

[Adel]

Opens umbrella, floats out chimney.

[Aaron Keefe]

He was a nanny the whole time. Anyways, this is a live episode of one of our shows. Come see us live.

[JPC]

It looked like the Lorax though. Am I wrong? He did. I wanted to say something big.

[Adel]

Wilford Brimley mustache. Also, Aaron, can I just say, having a flying magical umbrella is not. Does not a nanny make. That is a outlier for a nanny.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes, it does.

[Adel]

No, no, no.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. My nanny Has a flying magical umbrella. Yours doesn't.

[Aaron Keefe]

I have a. I got a parasol this weekend at the Ren Faire because it was so hot and it kept almost blowing away. And I'm like, if I blow away, let me go. It means I gotta go nanny some kids and teach him a lesson.

[JPC]

Aaron's got parasol on the parasoling, Parasailing Parasol ailing parasowling Come see us live.

[Aaron Keefe]

Bye.

[Adel]

Better call parasol.

[JPC]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Arnie Parrott, and Aaron Keefe has brought me from my beautiful home in Chicago to play for you a song. You may know where it began.

[Aaron Keefe]

I.

[JPC]

Can'T begin to know when but when I heard It's Going strong Was in the spring Then spring became the summer who could have known you come along Hands touching hands Reaching out Touching me Touching you Sweet Caroline Good times never seem so good so good, so good I've been inclined to believe they never would but now I thank you so much for coming to the first ever hey. Riddle. Riddle Live show in Boston, Massachusetts. Every inch of this show you will see this evening is handcrafted by none other than Boston's own Aaron Key, including the songs that I am singing, the clothes that we are wearing, and the various and sundry Boston related bits she has demanded we do. Sweet Caroline Good times never seem so good so good, so good, so good and I've been inclined to believe There never would but now I have just one question. Are you guys fucking ready for a show? I'm sorry. I'm gonna do something I saw at a Patriots game. I'm gonna put my hands to my ears and I'm gonna ask the same question. Are you guys ready for a show? Well, then, let's fuck the goldfish. It was the cannon of an airplane. He stabbed him with an icicle.

[Adel]

Aaron fucked us. Aaron Us.

[JPC]

There's gotta be, like, six people here that watch sports. I think I flipped off all six of them.

[Adel]

On behalf of JPC and I, we love the New York Yankees. We love catcher Ben Rice. We love left field Alex Verdugu. We love center field jizz Chaz. Home jazz. Chisholm Freudian jizz. We love Aaron Judge.

[JPC]

Hey, these guys have worked hard to become professional athletes. They might not deserve your respect, but they don't deserve your booze.

[Adel]

Oh, wait, there's a letter that says.

[JPC]

Yeah, where the fuck is that?

[Adel]

Adol. Jpc. Also, does your hat have a sticker with your age on it? Mine does.

[JPC]

Okay, let's see. I don't even know what the fuck mine means. What the fuck is New Jersey? Doesn't make any sense. All right? It's a letter from Aaron. It says, dear adol, JPC and the great people of Boston. You know, we're not in Boston. Everybody's saying Boston. This is not Boston.

[Adel]

This is Somerville.

[JPC]

This is Somerville Sommerville. Who's here from Cambridge?

[Adel]

Anybody here from Hingham who went to Harvard? Honestly, the people who did are so smart, they knew not to clap.

[JPC]

Yeah, big Boston College crowd here. Okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Hey, how are you? That's good. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the show. What the fuck? I would have absolutely loved to watch the people of Boston against Somerville kill you with their fists for wearing Yankees gear. Oh, that's what this is pretty insane that I did that, huh? You could have died. I put my friends in some real danger. Fundamental misunderstanding of our crowd. Who comes to see these shows?

[Adel]

Sports fans, Violent people. The Venn diagram of our fans. And that It's a null set.

[JPC]

Any hoodle. It would have been a dream to attend our first ever Boston Live show. But I flew back here and got a little distress. I remember that mom ride at Jordan's Furniture existed. Okay? And I had to go check to see if it was still open.

[Adel]

Who remembers Jordan's Furniture? Is Jordan here?

[JPC]

On Mother's Day of 1992, the Motion Odyssey movie, aka mom, opened at Jordan's Furniture after five years of planning and a $2.5 million investment. It's a theme ride originally produced by George Lucas. Does anyone remember this? It was like 40x before 40x existed. And it happened at a furniture store. Why did a furniture store do this? I'm reading her letter. I know how much you guys love 40x movies, so I had to go and see. Oh, because we didn't get invited to it. A phone call, a text. It turns out it stopped in 2018 or whatever. But does anyone else remember Barry and Elliot from the Jordan's Furniture ads?

[Adel]

Are Barry and Elliot here?

[JPC]

It says they're deceased. Oh, and don't mention that. Okay. Are people here too young to remember both the brothers? One left the company in 2006 or something to produce Broadway shows. Is this common knowledge? No, I guess it's not. I thought they had some big falling out. I hope they're okay and still get along. What am I reading? Also, I just remembered Bernie and Phil's.

[Adel]

Is that like Ben and Jerry's but Boston?

[JPC]

They had the better theme song. I'm too scared to Google if they are still alive.

[Adel]

Wait, let's Google it.

[JPC]

Yeah. Bernie and Phil's quality, comfort and price that. Okay. It didn't say that they would finish, but they did.

[Adel]

You would not believe how Philz is spelled.

[JPC]

Bernie. Right on the nose. Philz. Anyway, enjoy your time in Boston. Love always, Aaron.

[Aaron Keefe]

She's not really.

[JPC]

Is she not?

[Adel]

She's passing out Dunkin Donuts.

[JPC]

Is she wearing sunglasses? It's nighttime. We're indoors.

[Adel]

While Dropkick Burpees place.

[JPC]

Don't give donuts to the balcony people. Oh, my God. She went up into the balcony.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wow.

[JPC]

All right, I guess. Wow. That guy really wanted a donut. He reached over people to get a donut. How many donuts does she have?

[Adel]

This is like Jesus and his fish. A dozen donuts fed 400 people.

[JPC]

Don't fall, Aaron. Do not fall, Aaron. It's not worth it.

[Adel]

Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump.

[JPC]

Ram.

[Adel]

She's shaking hands with some older members of the audience.

[JPC]

She had a whole song to get on stage. There's another song. How many songs do we have to. Oh, my God, she's out of donuts. It's.

[Adel]

Webster's Dictionary defines pander as intransitive verb to act as a pander, especially to provide gratification for others desires.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, I'm tuckered out. That's about all the energy I had for this.

[JPC]

You know Aaron's old man puzzles when the first 10 minutes of the show. Is that.

[Adel]

Just a heads up. I did Google.

[JPC]

Oh, God.

[Adel]

Bernie and Phil dead. And it's this sad. I'm not gonna read it aloud. It is legit. The saddest thing. Yeah, it's pretty sad I've ever seen. If you've ever seen the. If you've ever seen a documentary. Dear Zachary, this is sadder than Dear Zachary.

[Aaron Keefe]

You have to read it.

[Adel]

No, no, I'll read it. No, this is truly the saddest thing I've ever seen.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're right. You're right. Wait. Well, save it as a little treat.

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Anyways, welcome to. Hey, Riddle, Riddle. That was the best 10 minutes of my life. I tried to find the row. That's my family. Usually in high school, when I was doing like a musical or whatever, I would find the row.

[JPC]

You did that in high school as well?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I did in Sweeney Todd. I just came out and did that for 10 minutes.

[JPC]

Fleet Street.

[Aaron Keefe]

But the way I find my family is I look for the row of glasses because they all have terrible eyesight. Like, oh, My family's here. Thanks, guys, for coming. My whole family's here, and my Aunt Barbara came on her birthday, so. Happy birthday to my Aunt Barbara.

[JPC]

Wow. Happy birthday.

[Adel]

Happy birthday.

[Aaron Keefe]

To you Happy birthday, dear Barbara Happy birthday to you.

[Adel]

And as a treat, as maybe a special little treat, let's have Aunt Barbara read that article.

[JPC]

No, no, no, no.

[Aaron Keefe]

What was I gonna say? Oh, I'm so happy to be here. This is sort of a dream come true. I've been talking about this for six years, and the fact that anybody showed up means so much to me. So thank you for being here. I do feel really bad that I made you guys wear what you're wearing, so I decided I'm gonna let you earn some Red Sox clothes by answering riddles correct. Oh.

[JPC]

Wow. Normally, I don't like to make more waste, but I'd gladly throw away two T shirts tonight.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right. This is one of the worst riddle books I've ever read, so these are impossible to get. Yeah.

[JPC]

You're just getting into it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Oh. Should we talk about.

[JPC]

This is both the most you and the least you I've ever seen you.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. Well, do you want to talk about bullshit for a little bit?

[Adel]

We should talk. Well, not bullshit. We should talk about Boston.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, let's talk about Boston. What do you want to talk about? Are you having fun, Mark Wahlberg?

[JPC]

What are you talking about?

[Adel]

How's your mother?

[Aaron Keefe]

What do you want to talk about? You got in today. You got in last night.

[Adel]

I got in yesterday morning, but I slept 13 hours.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, we thought you were dead.

[Adel]

I woke up to text from my sister, my wife, and Erin all thinking I was dead.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

And I know to give you 24 hours to respond because I don't know which 10 hour period is asleep time for you.

[Adel]

I ran over a witch's child, and since then, classic Boston.

[Aaron Keefe]

I forgot to ask this. Who has never heard of our show before? Never heard an episode. Yeah, yeah. A couple people from my family, a couple significant others.

[Adel]

Aunt Barbara raised her hand real fast not to throw.

[JPC]

I went to Harvard, too. Should I say now or.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I heard that. That was very funny. My dad. Not to throw my dad under the bus, but my dad said that he gave us a shot for the first year and he hasn't listened since.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

He hears bits and pieces when my mom listens, and that's plenty. Well, we're a riddles and puzzles podcast. If you haven't heard us before, if.

[JPC]

You'Ve never been to a live show before, we are going to read riddles. And we're going to try our best to answer them. The one rule we have, there's probably more than one, but the one I'm going to talk about is don't shout out answers to the riddles. If you think that you know the answer to the riddle, I want you to, like, look to the person next to you and go. You don't have to say anything, but it could be like a.

[Adel]

Just look smug.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adel]

And we'll give you a thumbs up. Something I thought that's fairly important, if you don't mind.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sure.

[Adel]

Just to take 20 seconds.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adel]

Backstage, Aaron approached me, just getting a little emotional.

[JPC]

Just trying to get emotional or you already.

[Adel]

She said with so much sincerity, she said, adel. And she had that look in her eye of like, please. She said, adol. Please don't make me do a Boston accent because I'm so scared to do it in front of these people. And I just thought that was the sweetest thing in the world. And she said. I said, I'm gonna tell everybody that. And she goes, don't.

[Aaron Keefe]

And here we are. Well, I'll try one, but later.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'll read that article in a Boston accent at the end of the show.

[JPC]

Again, we gotta move on from the article.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is desperately sad. I cannot wait for you to hear it. So this first one's kind of easy.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adel]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

And it starts with this fun thing where it goes. Now for a riddle. As if this whole book isn't riddles.

[Adel]

Now for thank God they had a person looking pensive on the front.

[Aaron Keefe]

What has rivers but no water? Cities. Oh, sorry. What has rivers but no water? Cities but no buildings. And forest but no trees.

[JPC]

Weezer.

[Adel]

What has Weezer but no water? River, but no water. That would be my own private Idaho.

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

It's got rivers but no water. Cities, but no cities.

[Aaron Keefe]

Cities but no buildings, and forests but no trees. And this is a riddle, so it's annoying.

[Adel]

Do your parents care if we curse?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Never stopped me, though. Only encouraged me to curse more.

[JPC]

Can we say Boston curse words? Slurs?

[Aaron Keefe]

No. And that's commentary. And we're hearing that and we're learning. We know. We know who we are.

[Adel]

Is it a freaking map?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a map. It is a map.

[JPC]

Wow. Freaking too. Whoa.

[Adel]

I'll wait till I have the full outfit. No, honestly. Honestly, I would trade everything I'm wearing for a Jizz Chasm jersey.

[Aaron Keefe]

We'll get you one when we go.

[Adel]

His first name, please.

[Aaron Keefe]

To go. Okay.

[JPC]

Do you have any players with the last name Jizz. It's not a difficult request. I don't know why I'm being asked to leave. I've never been asked to leave a website before. I thought this was a chatbot. Close your browser, please. Close your browser, please.

[Adel]

Close your browser. Close your browser.

[Aaron Keefe]

This one is called Bottled up, and this is one of my favorite riddles I've read in an old.

[JPC]

Oh, is this a Sara Bareilla song?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Okay. A cleaning woman.

[Adel]

Speaking of songs, give it up again for Arnie Parrott.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

He'Ll sing again. He'll be back. He might sing another song. Later, a cleaning woman asked the man she worked for if she could take home his empty bottles. When she got home, she threw them out. Why did she do this?

[Adel]

Insane.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Adel]

Crazy insane.

[JPC]

She's like the Joker.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. It says she's like the Joker.

[Adel]

You wanna know how I got these bottles?

[Aaron Keefe]

This is impossible to get.

[JPC]

Oh, he says you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Yeah. This is bad.

[JPC]

Okay. I'm so close to Harvard, I feel like my brain is growing four sizes. I feel like I'm siphoning off the smart. It's all being sucked off into my body.

[Adel]

How close are we to MIT right now?

[Aaron Keefe]

Close. Oh, earlier when I asked my friend Connor, I was like, can you run and grab some Dunkin Donuts? Donuts for me is. I think they're one. There's one close. And he was like, there's one 600ft away. He, like, immediately knew. He was like, I know exactly where Dunkies is. Okay, so what is the answer to this? I'll read it one more time. A cleaning woman asked the man she worked for if she could take home his empty bottles. When she got home, she threw them out. Why did she.

[JPC]

Did he say yes or did she ask him and he was, like, kind of, like, vague about it? And she was like, well, I don't know. Do I take him home now? We had the conversation.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. It's that nuanced.

[JPC]

I don't remember an exact yes, but we talked about it.

[Adel]

Did this woman work for Howard Hughes when he was in his later period of life?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adel]

Okay. Because he, like, walked around and Kleenex boxes and piston bottles and people would try and take it. And he goes, not my bottles. Look it up.

[JPC]

The.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I. This one. I think he gave her the bottle.

[JPC]

He gave her the bottle. She said, you have it.

[Adel]

Okay.

[JPC]

Are these. And this man is at the end of his life, or is that something that you added?

[Aaron Keefe]

That's something he added.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

I think we're getting lost in the size.

[Adel]

Is this, like, recycling situation?

[Aaron Keefe]

No. Okay, but that's a good guess.

[JPC]

Oh, wow.

[Adel]

Does anybody here know it?

[JPC]

She made, like, 12 cents.

[Aaron Keefe]

I wouldn't know how anyone would know it. This is insane.

[JPC]

Does this rely on me knowing, like, a very hist. Like, specific historical thing about. No.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not like there are some of those in here, though.

[JPC]

Okay. Okay, good. I'm glad I asked.

[Adel]

I do want to see a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah. Okay, Go ahead.

[Adel]

Aaron, you are in service to a person. You clean someone's house. Jpc.

[JPC]

You are. That was the weirdest way I've ever heard that phrase.

[Aaron Keefe]

That sentence made me dizzy.

[JPC]

That was like. I felt like I was sitting next to Mitt Romney.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, don't do this. Don't just say proper nouns that they might know.

[JPC]

I feel like I'm in a bane capital right now.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, don't.

[JPC]

Lower.

[Aaron Keefe]

Lower.

[Adel]

Jpc. You are Mickey Mouse. Who is this?

[JPC]

Do we change it? Do we change the scene? Or is this. This is the same scene?

[Adel]

Same scene. I'm just trying to punish you for what you said.

[Aaron Keefe]

Got it, Got it. Oh, sorry, do you want.

[JPC]

I'm occupied.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, the door is wide open.

[JPC]

It's my house.

[Aaron Keefe]

Great. Yes. Yeah, of course, of course.

[JPC]

And I'm done. Anyway. I can't. When people are talking, I can't.

[Aaron Keefe]

So, yeah, sorry, I. This is a little invasive. I'm just noticing as I'm cleaning your place. Did Minnie move out?

[JPC]

Um, yes. Yes. Like, this morning.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right. I saw all of her stuff at Goofy's house, and I was like, what? What the heck?

[JPC]

I always forget you sleep with Goofy.

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, I work. I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah.

[JPC]

Wait, what? What do you mean, yeah?

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, yeah, I just.

[JPC]

You work.

[Aaron Keefe]

I clean all the Disney characters. Houses.

[JPC]

Okay, but you sleep with Goofy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, so does Minnie. What's your point?

[JPC]

Well, I'm just. I didn't want it to seem like that's our arrangement because it's obviously not.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know.

[Adel]

We cut to Goofy's house. Gorsh, gorsh, Gorsh.

[Aaron Keefe]

My parents are here. Scene. This is a cursed, cursed podcast. I'm gonna tell you the answer.

[Adel]

He was playing Helldivers 2, okay. And he was about to get to the final.

[Aaron Keefe]

She took home the man's.

[JPC]

Your dad's like, I might have to start fucking listening. This shit's actually pretty funny.

[Aaron Keefe]

No. Here's the answer to the riddle.

[JPC]

Goofy railing my daughter.

[Aaron Keefe]

Here's the answer to the riddle. I knew they would do this, and I knew they would do this. And can I tell you something? In Chicago, we always talk about how there was a curse that anytime you had a family member at the show, it would be the grossest improv you've ever done, ever. But. And I thought, these two are professional. They have self control. And the second I saw their fucking faces today, I was like, they're gonna do some shit.

[Adel]

I have to venmo jpc$200. Cause I said he would not say what he just said.

[Aaron Keefe]

Here's the answer to the riddle. She took home the man's empty champagne bottles after a party. She then left them out.

[JPC]

Don't say O. Oh. Someone said, oh. Champagne bottles.

[Aaron Keefe]

She then left them out with her garbage for collection in order to impress her neighbors. I'd like to see a scene.

[JPC]

Adel, what the fuck?

[Aaron Keefe]

Adel, you're trying.

[JPC]

Hey, you're an alcoholic, huh?

[Aaron Keefe]

Adel, I'd like to. Pretty cool. You are clearly putting out a bunch of fake trash to indicate that you had a really cool party to impress your neighbor, played by jbc.

[Adel]

Quiet as possible. Quiet as possible. Big stretch. Put down some Moet bottles.

[JPC]

Hey, Jeff.

[Adel]

Hey.

[JPC]

Hey. Sorry, do you need to use my trash cans? You're putting stuff in my trash cans?

[Adel]

Oh, whoops. Did I put it on top of the lid? Is that where the trash goes? I'm so drunk off Moet.

[JPC]

That's okay. Yeah.

[Adel]

Seems like the person you think is a dumb bitch is actually pretty cultured. So I guess those emails will stop, huh, Jeff?

[JPC]

I guess I should apologize. I mean, I get pretty heated in those emails. It just seems like, you know, there's a leash law, so it's just like if you could just abide by the leash law.

[Adel]

For sure.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Well, this party I just had with this bottle of Moet was off the chain, so I don't know if that counts as off the leash, but.

[JPC]

But again, it's a leash law to be on the leash, so that's kind of the.

[Adel]

Sure.

[JPC]

It seems like you had a. Seems like you had a pretty big party last night.

[Adel]

Oh, yeah, yeah. We all passed this bottle of Moeta rounds, all hundred of us. Lot of celebrities, lot of. Name a celebrity. Who's your biggest crush. Ana de Armes. She was there.

[JPC]

She was there.

[Adel]

Yep.

[JPC]

Ana da Armst was there.

[Adel]

Ana da arms.

[JPC]

Well, that's truly very impressive.

[Adel]

Yep.

[JPC]

Yeah. Seems like you had a really great night with your bottle.

[Adel]

John Legg. Mazamo Arms. And the legs. Anna da arms. John leg's a momo. We all drank the One bottle of Moet. Then we played Spin the Bottle. We all started not fucking, Aaron. We all started drawing.

[JPC]

Okay. Yeah.

[Adel]

Some of their parents were there.

[JPC]

John Leguizamo's parents were at your party as well?

[Adel]

Yep. Mr. And Mrs. Langmamo.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, hey, man, I'm so glad to see you out in the neighborhood. I did, like, opposite of a noise complaint for your house last night. It was so quiet, I was worried that you were dead.

[Adel]

Oh, interesting.

[JPC]

Yeah. He was just telling me he actually had a party with Anada Armas and John Leguizamo. And John Leguizamo's. And they drink this. They drink this. One bottle of Moet.

[Adel]

No.

[JPC]

Hey, I'm just trying not to die.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Okay. He's in my garage.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Yeah. Is this about the leash?

[JPC]

What's that?

[Aaron Keefe]

The leash. Email?

[JPC]

I guess so.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[JPC]

I guess that's what it's about.

[Aaron Keefe]

Good luck.

[JPC]

Don't say good luck. Don't leave.

[Adel]

So, yeah, yesterday morning, I had the president of Sonos come in, and he sort of soundproofed our house. That's probably why it sounded like the absence of why don't we.

[JPC]

Speaking of houses, why don't we all go in our houses and put our clothes on?

[Aaron Keefe]

Scene. Thank you. Okay.

[Adel]

Sorry, Aunt Barbara.

[Aaron Keefe]

She doesn't care. She's cool. They're all cool. They're all great. They're fine. Everything's fine.

[Adel]

Doesn't seem like the way Aaron said she. She's cool.

[Aaron Keefe]

They're all cool. They also. What? What? Okay, here's another riddle.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

The teacher gave Ben and. These names don't matter. The teacher gave Ben and Jerry a written test. Ben.

[Adel]

Can you use George and Phil?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Were those their names? I forgot their names already. The teachers gave Matt and Ben a written test. Ben read the test.

[JPC]

Hold on. Adam's just on angel.

[Adel]

Now. My time is now.

[Aaron Keefe]

Can you wait another hour?

[Adel]

Can you wait 80 minutes?

[JPC]

I'm sorry. Every time Goofy comes.

[Adel]

To dinner. To dinner.

[Aaron Keefe]

When we do a show in Indiana, I'm gonna act like a monster.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. Okay. That's fine.

[Aaron Keefe]

I wish I knew how to hurt.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

You can't, though. You can't. Ben read the test, and my dad.

[JPC]

Listens to the show.

[Aaron Keefe]

He does?

[JPC]

I think so.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's good.

[JPC]

Sometimes he texts me about shit that we haven't talked about, and I'm like, the podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, right.

[JPC]

You've heard it on the podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ben read the test, then folded his arms and answered none of the questions. Matt carefully wrote out good answers to the questions. When time was up, Ben handed in a blank sheet of paper while Matt handed in his work. The teacher gave Ben an A and Matt a C. Why?

[JPC]

Can you read the first part of that riddle again?

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm sorry. Oh, it's so long.

[JPC]

I'm so close to knowing this.

[Aaron Keefe]

The teacher gave Ben and Matt a written test. Ben read the test, then folded his arms and answered none of the questions.

[JPC]

Got it.

[Aaron Keefe]

Matt carefully wrote out good answers to the questions. I just put so much of my mouth on the mic, I was so gross. I'm so sorry.

[JPC]

Don't say shit like that to me if you don't want me to say shit that you don't want your dad to hear.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jerry, I read the wrong name again. Matt carefully wrote out good answers to the questions. When time was up, Ben handed in a blank sheet of paper while Matt handed in his work. The teacher gave Ben an A and Matt a C. Why?

[Adel]

Is it something where, like, the test said, if you're thoroughly reading this.

[JPC]

Yeah. Disregard the answer or something like that?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adel]

Is it really?

[JPC]

If you made it to the end of the test, don't answer the questions.

[Aaron Keefe]

Feel free to go and change.

[JPC]

I feel like that was like an urban legend that I heard a lot when I was in school that, like, read all the. They would put, like, read all the instructions carefully at the top of the test. And the very last question would be like, don't worry about the test. It's on the house.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, here.

[JPC]

That shit would never happen to me, though.

[Aaron Keefe]

Do you want to turn it in?

[JPC]

I would turn in the test, and they were like, you wrote that thing at the end of the test that says, don't worry about the test. I'm like, no fucking way. I wrote it.

[Aaron Keefe]

And they're like, prove it.

[JPC]

It's in pencil. It's in pencil.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's written in blood, and you're bleeding. Do you want to try to get a riddle quick before Adol comes back?

[JPC]

Oh, yeah, I'd love a quickie.

[Aaron Keefe]

What took 19 years to get into itself?

[JPC]

Are you sure?

[Aaron Keefe]

Boo.

[JPC]

Oh, man. How embarrassing.

[Adel]

I'm coming.

[Aaron Keefe]

That was an expensive shirt. Okay. What took 19 years to get into it?

[JPC]

Are you sure you want me to give the answer to this riddle in front of your family?

[Adel]

What was it? What took 13 years to do.

[Aaron Keefe]

What took 19 years to get into itself?

[Adel]

What took 19 years to get into Itself?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, actually, I.

[Adel]

The sca scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is actually a great riddle, I think.

[JPC]

What took 19 years to get into itself?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's fun. This is a fun One is this, like.

[JPC]

So I'm thinking, like, college. College admission. Because that takes about 19 years.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is going to mess me up.

[JPC]

So bad to get into itself.

[Adel]

Like, I would think, like the Ouroboros. Because at first the Ouroboros is like, I don't want to. Not my own tail.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

And after, like, 19 years of, like, coming to terms and, like, philosophy and, like, emotional.

[JPC]

I want to see a quick scene. This is. This is the first day the Ouroboros decided just to. Just to try tasting their own tail. And Aaron, you're like the moon or whatever. You're like. You're like his buddy, like the stars or whatever. Who cares? That can. You know. And you don't have to fuck anybody or suck anything or whatever. You could just be the moon. Like a non sexual moon.

[Aaron Keefe]

The moon is the most sexual of all the things in space. So take it easy. Go ahead, Go ahead. Do your scene. Do your scene.

[Adel]

Thanks for coming out tonight, moon. It's a big day for me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, no problem. Here to support. Any way I can.

[Adel]

Thank you. Yeah, I know you go through a lot of phases.

[Aaron Keefe]

I do.

[Adel]

Waxing and waning.

[Aaron Keefe]

I do.

[Adel]

And you're full of yourself.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, that's a crazy thing to say to a friend. Hmm. That's a crazy thing to say to a treasured friend. Yeah, I would say I'm, like, full. I wouldn't say of myself.

[Adel]

You're a bit of a lunatic.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, that's horrible. You're trying to hurt me.

[Adel]

Oh, you're the origin of the word.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, I'm gonna get the sun in here. I sort of feel like I need to come back up.

[Adel]

No, not the sun.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, son, do you have a minute?

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Adel]

You got the Raisin Bran sun?

[Aaron Keefe]

I did, yeah.

[JPC]

What's up, party people? Moon don't usually see you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whoa.

[JPC]

Ouroboros. What it do? Hey, do I have your wrong number? I'm, like, always texting you, guy.

[Adel]

Well, I talked to the night sky. You've been texting Aurora Borealis.

[JPC]

Oh, my God. Awkward city.

[Adel]

Today's a big day. Or tonight's a big night. Well, now it's day, I guess.

[JPC]

Yeah, when I'm here, it's day.

[Adel]

I'm gonna finally complete the circle.

[Aaron Keefe]

And we're here to support.

[JPC]

Oh, cool.

[Aaron Keefe]

We get to watch Raisin Bran. Son, you have two strikes.

[JPC]

I'm working on my third.

[Adel]

So maybe just some encouraging words as I sort of.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, you got it.

[JPC]

Yeah, go. Go for it. Get up. Get on that thing.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, I Wanted to make that joke. I wanted to be the one. Yeah. Oh, he's gonna go change.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. What took 19 years to get into this?

[JPC]

This feels like it's like. Like the. Like the baseball hall of Fame or something like that, where it's like, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

You'Re in the right track.

[JPC]

There's like.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a book.

[JPC]

It's a book.

[Aaron Keefe]

And it took 19 years to get into itself.

[JPC]

It took 19 years to get into itself.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. Is it the frickin, like, dictionary? Is it the encyclopedia? No. Is it the thesaurus?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

It's a book that took 19 years to get into itself. The Bible?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adel]

Yay. Uh. Oh, let's punish Erin so she can't return this.

[Aaron Keefe]

No. What's another very popular book?

[Adel]

Oh, Angels and Demons.

[JPC]

I mean, you asked. You wouldn't start with angels and demons. You'd start with the Da Vinci Code. It's the Da Vinci Code, Right?

[Adel]

Classic amateur move.

[JPC]

Classic mistake. Not starting with the sequel.

[Aaron Keefe]

This took 19 years to sort of. That's like a long time.

[JPC]

Not. Not really.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's a long time.

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. So it's like a long time. And you have to. It took a while. So it was published, and they had to sell a certain amount of copies. And once it sold enough copies, it went. Oh, maybe set a record.

[JPC]

Is this the Guinness Book of world Records?

[Aaron Keefe]

I kind of gave that one to you. Should I give him a hat?

[JPC]

Wait, what is. What is it? What did it set the record for?

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you ever say? No. Second best selling book of all time.

[JPC]

Second best selling book of all time.

[Aaron Keefe]

No one will ever know what the first one is.

[JPC]

No, I think we know. It's angels and demons.

[Adel]

Angels and demons. Number one. With a bullet.

[JPC]

With a bullet.

[Adel]

Number two. Origins. Surprise. Number three. Deception points. Surprise, surprise. Number four.

[JPC]

Sapiens Sapiens.

[Aaron Keefe]

Here comes another dumb riddle. This one's really dumb.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Aaron Keefe]

Why did Alexander the Great order all of his men to shave?

[JPC]

Okay, there's something about. So they could beard the best of them.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not like a fun wordplay joke.

[JPC]

What? Why not?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know.

[JPC]

This is the setup of a fun wordplay joke.

[Adel]

Could it be? Could we make it one?

[Aaron Keefe]

I mean, if you can figure it. Mr. Puns. If you can figure that out.

[JPC]

Easy. Alexander the Great. What do we know about him? Greek. Okay, what do we know about Greeks? Kalamata. Olives. Easy. Now we just work backwards between Alexander the Great and Kalamata avu.

[Adel]

Can't find a feta man.

[JPC]

Is it. Can't find A fetiman?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep. Can't find a fetiman. That's a lot of fun.

[JPC]

Why did Alexander the Great.

[Adel]

Oh, is it because Hannibal had elephants and Alexander was great? Alexander the Great was like, we need a thing.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, this is just sort of like actually think, like, logically.

[Adel]

Cause you couldn't. It's almost like in today's day and age, there's a lot of. Like, you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses back then. They're like, you wouldn't hit a boy who hasn't grown his facial hair.

[JPC]

Is this about inter army kissing?

[Aaron Keefe]

No. I think I'm just gonna have to give it to you.

[JPC]

Beards. Beards are a practical thing for back then.

[Aaron Keefe]

Then bearded men could be grabbed by the beard in close combat.

[JPC]

What the.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd like to see a scene.

[Adel]

I dare you. I dare you to show me one YouTube video or Vine.

[Aaron Keefe]

A vine. Grandpa, vine. Vine burned down like seven years ago.

[Adel]

Of somebody in close quarters combat grabbing someone by the beard.

[Aaron Keefe]

Are people making binds of close quarters?

[JPC]

If I had a close quarters combat instructor that was like, never have a beard for an opponent. They can use the beard against you. I'd be like, I think I need a new teacher. I think this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd like to see a scene. You two are on the battlefield and you're on opposite sides, and you've sort of run out of ideas. So now you're just like, sort of pulling each other's hair and resorting to some childlike behavior.

[JPC]

Gotcha.

[Adel]

Well, my sword broke.

[JPC]

I actually killed the guy with my spear, and it stayed in him.

[Adel]

Well, okay, then I should kill the.

[JPC]

Guy with my spirit stayed in him. All right, so I have a question for you.

[Adel]

What?

[JPC]

How are you gonna participate in the rest of the battle when I got your fucking nose?

[Adel]

Come on. Hey, come on.

[JPC]

Hey, come on, surrender. Hey, come on, surrender if you want your nose. Come on, surrender if you want your nose.

[Adel]

Hey, come on, stop.

[JPC]

Hey, surrender if you want your nose back.

[Adel]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

What are you gonna do?

[Adel]

Oh, someone's got a finger in his tummy.

[JPC]

I what?

[Adel]

Oh, someone's got a finger in his tummy.

[JPC]

Circle, circle, dot, dot.

[Adel]

What? Hey, time out. Time out. Time out. What?

[JPC]

I'm sorry, I know that we said no chemical warfare, but what the hey.

[Adel]

Real quick, real quick, real quick.

[JPC]

Gave you a cootie shot real quick, huh?

[Adel]

I'm 42. What is circle?

[Aaron Keefe]

Circle, dot, circle, circle, dot, dot. Now you got a cootie Shot?

[Adel]

No. Cool. I understand all you soldiers are, like, under 40, but I'm saying I've. I'm the general of this army. I don't know what you're talking about.

[JPC]

I don't think you're the general of this army. You're down here with all the. Just, like, regular guys.

[Adel]

Because I know, like, fudge, fudge, lemonade or whatever. Like, I know that stuff.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no, no. That's too much.

[JPC]

Fine.

[Adel]

Hey, guys. Hey, guys. We know it as fudge, fudge, lemonade. Right?

[JPC]

You're making those sense. You said that. And the guy on the horse, who appears to be the general, looked the other way.

[Adel]

That's one of your guys.

[JPC]

That's not one of your guys.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's your.

[JPC]

That guy looks an awful lot like you. That looks like maybe like a younger brother of yours.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. You guys are shirts and we're skins.

[Adel]

The horse is one of ours. The horse is one of ours.

[JPC]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Aaron Keefe]

Exactly.

[JPC]

We don't have any.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, I meant to tell you. Loser says what?

[Adel]

What?

[Aaron Keefe]

We just won the war, you idiot.

[JPC]

We just won the war.

[Aaron Keefe]

We just won the war. We just won the whole war. Not just this battle. We just won the idiot.

[JPC]

We just won the whole war.

[Aaron Keefe]

We just won the whole.

[JPC]

All three of them are stabbed.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is way better than recording in my closet. No one ever claps for me when I finish this.

[JPC]

I do. I do think circle, circle, dot, dot. Getting the cootie shot is good. It inoculates you against the cooties.

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adel]

So how would you do?

[Aaron Keefe]

I think it injects you with cooties.

[Adel]

Can you show me how you do? I truly. I don't know.

[JPC]

If you would just do, like, circles.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm sorry. You did not go to Harvard.

[JPC]

Now you have the cootie.

[Aaron Keefe]

What do you know? Neither did I. What? Circle, circle, dot, dot. Now you've got the cooties.

[JPC]

Yeah, because otherwise it would imply that kids were going around injecting each other with cooties.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, but that's the point.

[JPC]

That's the point.

[Aaron Keefe]

We weren't vaccinating each other against cooties.

[JPC]

Oh, I think we were. Did you go to an anti vax school?

[Adel]

Do you guys know you gave my.

[JPC]

Daughter the cootie shot? No. I have two minutes at this school board meeting. I'm gonna use all of them.

[Adel]

Aaron, say the word and I'll make Goofy come.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, don't.

[Adel]

We can make this all go away.

[JPC]

Wait.

[Adel]

We can make this all go away.

[JPC]

Aaron, you know the word that makes Goofy. Come say it, Aaron. Say it.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's gorsh.

[JPC]

Gorse.

[Aaron Keefe]

Do you guys know what is this?

[JPC]

Gorse would be the worst word.

[Aaron Keefe]

Every once in a while, I black back into my life and I go, how did I get here? What is this? Where am I?

[Adel]

Do you guys know? In all sincerity, do you guys know Miss Susie? Miss Susie. So some of my stuff trickled down.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You created that. That was you.

[JPC]

You working late in the lab on that one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Where is she?

[Adel]

Molly keeps a wheel.

[Aaron Keefe]

My sister Molly taught me that.

[Adel]

What else?

[JPC]

No, that's not believable. They'll never believe Batman would lose a wheel. Think cattle.

[Adel]

Honestly, the Batmobile would never.

[JPC]

No.

[Aaron Keefe]

I forgot to keep track of time.

[JPC]

History's greatest detective. He would have backups on backups on backups for that.

[Adel]

They're carbon wheels.

[Aaron Keefe]

A boxer left the ring after winning the world championship.

[JPC]

Boxer's a dog. It's a dog championship. Ya da. Yeah. I have something way worse planned for the New York show. Throw it out there. Throw it out there.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hell, yeah. Okay. I saw a man.

[JPC]

That's a backwards hat, by the way. Wear it with Brian.

[Adel]

Get him.

[Aaron Keefe]

I saw a man I had never seen before, but I immediately knew who he was. He was not famous and had never been described to me. He was not unusual, nor did he say anything unusual. How did I recognize him?

[Adel]

Name tag.

[JPC]

Stamp.

[Aaron Keefe]

Stamp.

[JPC]

This is a guy from stamps.

[Adel]

No, this is the upside down plane from the stamps.

[JPC]

This is a man from stamps.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it is not.

[Adel]

This is like, I met a man from Stamps.

[JPC]

This is one of those, like, obscure historical figures, like Jonathan Taylor Thomas or something like that.

[Adel]

Or is a man from Stapes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, Stapes.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Adel]

Stape. Second.

[Aaron Keefe]

I saw a man I had never seen before, but I immediately knew who he was.

[Adel]

Oh, this is like a dad.

[JPC]

No. Oh, he looks like you, and you're like, I'm adopted and this is my dad.

[Adel]

It's a twin. It's an identical twin.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a twin.

[JPC]

Dads can be twins.

[Aaron Keefe]

He was the identical twin brother of someone I know well.

[JPC]

Oh, it wasn't. It wasn't their twin?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

I thought it was their twin.

[Adel]

I do want to see a scene.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Adel]

The two of you are twins. You were separated at birth.

[Aaron Keefe]

Great.

[Adel]

You're now in your later years and you're meeting for the first time by accident.

[Aaron Keefe]

Hey, can I buy you a drink?

[JPC]

I don't see why not.

[Aaron Keefe]

I regret this immediately, actually.

[JPC]

If you want to just settle up here, I actually have a room at this hotel.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did Anyone ever tell you you look like a movie star?

[JPC]

No, I've never been told that. I hope you don't mind. I'm obviously wearing a wedding ring. I'm here with my husband. Do you know Goofy Steen?

[Adel]

Sin Sin sin. Unchon Goosh?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no. Steen. That's the Swedish Chef. That's the Swedish Chef. That's the Swedish Chef.

[JPC]

Sorry. Whenever we stay at a hotel like this, I always make the Swedish Chef put their name down as Goofy Orchard Goosh.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is a mess. Okay. A certain bed in a certain hospital acquires the reputation of being unlucky. Whichever patient is assigned to this bed seems to die there on a Friday evening. A watch is kept by a camera and the reason is discovered. What is it?

[JPC]

It's always a Friday evening.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's always a Friday.

[JPC]

Okay. SNL comes on on Saturday, so. That's not it.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's nothing.

[JPC]

That can't be. That's nothing. Really?

[Adel]

Is this like a bed of mashed potatoes?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, but I like the way you think.

[JPC]

Is this a better mashed potato? Is this like a. Is this hospital? It's like a steak hospital.

[Aaron Keefe]

A steak hospital?

[JPC]

Yes.

[Adel]

You've never been to Steak hospital.

[JPC]

Okay.

[Adel]

Milwaukee's number one date spot.

[JPC]

Tell me you've never been to Stake Hospital without telling me.

[Adel]

Can I get 10ccs of A1?

[JPC]

It is a hospital, right, Aaron?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a real hospital. It's a real hospital and people are.

[JPC]

Really dying every Friday night.

[Aaron Keefe]

Every Friday.

[Adel]

So there's a bed where someone dies every Friday?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yep.

[JPC]

Is this from that article that we weren't supposed to read?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. No. You guys, it's worse than you're imagining, okay? Oh, God.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's really bad. And it's every Friday night. Is it always just one person that dies?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. In the same bed?

[JPC]

In the same bed.

[Adel]

Is it like the deathbed?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adel]

Like, is there a bed where they move patients where they're, like, beyond the pale?

[JPC]

This is. Yeah, this is my question.

[Aaron Keefe]

They're probably in pretty bad shape when they make it to this bed. But this. They're not dying because of the.

[JPC]

Do hospitals. And this is me showing my ignorance. Do they have, like, a kill shelter equivalent for hospitals?

[Adel]

Well, they all have, like, a black cat who sits on the bed of.

[Aaron Keefe]

The person who's ever. Boston Live Show.

[JPC]

Yeah, I guess if no one comes and picks him up, I mean, he's too sick to just release him out into the.

[Adel]

Your grandpa went to a farm upstate.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. What do you think? What do you think?

[Adel]

Can you read it one more time?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Yes, I can. If I can find it. Yes. A certain bed in a certain hospital acquires the reputation of being unlucky. Whichever patient is assigned to this bed seems to die there on a Friday evening. A watch is kept by a camera, and the reason is discovered. What is it?

[JPC]

Is the bed like. Is it like Nurse Melvin, the Slippery Nurse or something like that?

[Aaron Keefe]

Like, is it like, okay, coming to NBC this fall, Take all my money? No, it is. It is maybe someone who was about to get fired for sure.

[JPC]

Okay, is this, like, somebody who's, like, not washing their hands before they, like, come back to work?

[Aaron Keefe]

They're not a nurse or they're not a doctor, but they work at the hospital.

[JPC]

Oh, interesting.

[Adel]

Janitor. Yeah, this is Janitor from Scrubs.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is a janitor.

[JPC]

This is Neil Flynn killing people with.

[Adel]

Is it Neil Flynn?

[JPC]

No, it's a janitor.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a cleaning person. Yeah.

[JPC]

Okay. And is it, like, what else has a bed that's like a mop.

[Adel]

Bed of roses?

[JPC]

Yeah, a bed of roses.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, what are they cleaning with? What do people clean with?

[Adel]

Bleach.

[Aaron Keefe]

Not mops. Not bleach.

[JPC]

Poison.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a sort of a device you use to clean.

[JPC]

Scalper.

[Aaron Keefe]

My brain took so long to realize what you had just said.

[Adel]

Power washer.

[JPC]

It's a. Is it a power washer?

[Aaron Keefe]

No. Is he power washing more common than that?

[Adel]

Because if you turn that on old person, their skin right off.

[JPC]

There's a setting for old people.

[Adel]

It sloughs right off.

[JPC]

If you power wash someone who's old, you have to use the right setting.

[Adel]

It's like paint cements asphalt. Old.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

And it takes it right off.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

You would need this device for maybe, like, a rug.

[JPC]

You would need it for a rug.

[Adel]

Steam cleaner.

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adel]

Steam cleaner.

[Aaron Keefe]

You're thinking too hard. What's something?

[Adel]

Vacuum. They've been vacuuming the people to death.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, they.

[JPC]

Oh, no. They vacuumed up the people.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, they don't vacuum up the people.

[Adel]

We got there. Cause of.

[JPC]

Thank you, Aaron. You helped us.

[Adel]

You can't be disappointed.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no. Okay, I'm gonna tell you what it is.

[JPC]

Are these people that are getting shrunk down like that Matt Damon movie.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did anyone see that?

[JPC]

No one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Inner Space I watched that on. This is a peek into my mental health this year. You know when on TikTok someone will break a movie into like 600 parts, and it's like three in the morning and you're in your bed and you're like, I'll watch this Matt Damon movie in, like, in 30 second chunks.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know.

[JPC]

People did that.

[Adel]

No, I watched Lawless that way.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah.

[Adel]

I was like, ooh, Tom Hardy must be good.

[Aaron Keefe]

I also watched the Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal horror thriller. What is it called? What is that one?

[Adel]

Prisoner.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is it Prisoner? Yeah, I watched that. It was meant to be seen on TikTok in 800 parts. I'll tell you, that.

[Adel]

Prisoner seems like a children's storybook compared to what happened to Georgian film.

[JPC]

So he sucked this guy off or whatever.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Adel]

Oh, vaccum.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no. I wish I had a bleep. I wish Casey was here with a button for you guys. Okay? Every Friday morning, a cleaning woman comes to the ward with a vacuum cleaner. The most convenient electrical socket is the.

[Adel]

One she plugs a machine to which.

[Aaron Keefe]

The patient's life support machine is connected. Oh, man.

[Adel]

No offense. This woman's dumb as shit.

[Aaron Keefe]

I know. But wait, hold on. Listen to this. As it gets dumber.

[JPC]

This is a training issue. This is not her fault.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, wait, wait for this.

[JPC]

This is a training issue. This is an orientation issue. There's a hospital administrator that bears the blame for this.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, no. At the end of this, I think it's based on true events. Someone plugs.

[JPC]

They got fucked over by a hospital administrator once.

[Aaron Keefe]

She unplugs this for a few minutes while she does her work. The noise of the vacuum cleaner covers the patient's dying gas.

[Adel]

Honestly, that's for the best.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'd like to see a scene. I don't know what it is yet, but careful. Should I see? No, we should move on.

[Adel]

Goofy's in the icu.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, I'll move on. I'll do another riddle. I'll move on. What two items does a boy have at 10 years of age that he did not have when he was 1 years old?

[Adel]

Stress and gumption.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

No, these are two items that a boy has at 10 that he doesn't have at.

[Aaron Keefe]

What one?

[JPC]

Is it one adult tooth?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[Adel]

Pubes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you only have one adult tooth at 10?

[JPC]

At 10? Yeah. What age do you get adult teeth?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah.

[JPC]

It's gotta be around that, right?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no. You have more. You have more at 10. At 10, you'll never figure this out. No, you lose. Everyone. Everyone here is so smart. You definitely have more than one because you lose all your teeth by, like, the third grade, right? No. Okay. Tooth fairy teeth.

[JPC]

Can you ask a crowd in Boston how they lost their teeth? This is not this is not gonna go well. I was being wicked right in an argument. And Mickey Smith.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's the worst Boston accent I've ever heard.

[JPC]

This is a Boston.

[Adel]

Aaron, do yours.

[JPC]

Okay, she disappeared. A one year old boy doesn't have it and a 10 year old boy has it. And the two. And it's two items.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Do these items go together? Are they like a tandem item?

[Adel]

Like it's like a cub scout.

[Aaron Keefe]

They're both. They're two of the same thing.

[Adel]

They're two of the same thing.

[JPC]

Yeah, two of the same thing. Okay, so we don't know when you lose your baby teeth? When do you lose your baby eyes? Hey, I think that's another Sarah Bareilla song. Aaron, take it away. Oh, boy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wait, while they're thinking, what is the age that you like lose your last tooth? 12. You were 13. Okay, okay. Do you know the answer?

[Adel]

Is it like dress shoes for a wedding?

[JPC]

Yeah. 10 year old dress shoes. Never worry about.

[Aaron Keefe]

A one year old can wear little dress shoes. They can wear dress shoes. This is not an article of clothing.

[JPC]

It's not an article of clothing.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's not something you put on your body.

[JPC]

It's a preposition of clothing.

[Aaron Keefe]

No. That's funny though.

[JPC]

Is it a gerund of clothing?

[Aaron Keefe]

That's funny.

[Adel]

First bunk bed. First.

[JPC]

Is this something? Like, is this something sibling?

[Aaron Keefe]

No.

[JPC]

Is this something internal? Like, is it like a. Okay, a tonsil?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, a tonsil.

[Adel]

Oh, when do your balls drop?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it's not that. Not that.

[JPC]

Okay, it's not your balls. It's not your one tonsil.

[Aaron Keefe]

You have a little baby. And I think that might help to think of your little baby.

[JPC]

Okay, now I want to cry.

[Aaron Keefe]

What does your little baby not have right now? Respect for me for sure.

[JPC]

Is that bad?

[Aaron Keefe]

They're also pretty squishy, this baby, huh?

[JPC]

Don't squish my fucking baby. I'll fuck do goofy in front of your whole fucking family. You won't be able to pull me off of Goofy. Sucking and fucking and spitting and shitting.

[Adel]

Squish my baby.

[JPC]

You squish my baby. I fuck your goofy.

[Adel]

I'm sorry you have to leave Disneyland.

[JPC]

Okay? That's right, that's right, that's right. I shouldn't even be here. I didn't get a ticket.

[Adel]

Sir, all of Space Mountain is terrifying.

[JPC]

Okay, yeah, no, that's fair. I hear it now and it's fair. And I'll leave.

[Aaron Keefe]

There's something that your body doesn't really.

[JPC]

Is it like bones that fuse together?

[Aaron Keefe]

It's a. It's a kind of bone. It's a kind of like.

[JPC]

Don't say it's a kind of bone to me. What is she doing?

[Adel]

Erin, you're bump setting.

[JPC]

Does she, does she hear herself do this?

[Adel]

Yeah, she does.

[Aaron Keefe]

Do you want the Red Sox shirt or not?

[JPC]

I really want to win that car. Okay. Is it like the soft spot in your head that goes away earlier than that? Unless someone's keeping it open for nefarious. What are they putting in there? What are they putting in these young boys?

[Aaron Keefe]

Heads.

[JPC]

I have my two minutes. I'm not done talking. I have two minutes. You'll listen to this crazy shit I have to say.

[Adel]

Do you think you can take, like, a Capri sun straw and put it in a baby?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, God. Oh, God.

[Adel]

We've never thought of.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. Grow up.

[Adel]

We don't go to bed every night thinking this.

[Aaron Keefe]

Gentlemen, you have to be in the PTA to speak, okay? You can't just get up at the school board meeting and start saying these things.

[JPC]

I got bad news for you. If you can't handle putting a Capri straw through a baby's head, you're not going to like reading that article, okay? About those nice people from a furniture store.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, it's so bad.

[JPC]

Grow up.

[Aaron Keefe]

It is really bad.

[JPC]

Okay. I don't, I, I give up. I don't. Do you know this at all? I, I, I truly don't think I know this.

[Adel]

You said it's a type of bone.

[JPC]

It's a type of bone.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. It's like a. I, I would. I don't even know if it's bone. It's like something hard.

[JPC]

Yeah, it's something hard. Like a cartilage.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is it cartilage?

[Adel]

Oh, it's when your sharks grow.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it's think of, like 10 years old.

[JPC]

Hair, nails, nose job.

[Adel]

It's when your nails first get sharp.

[Aaron Keefe]

Shoulders, knees, knees.

[Adel]

It's when your knees grow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh.

[JPC]

Do you not have kneecaps for 10 years? Why?

[Aaron Keefe]

You don't have kneecaps when you're a baby? No. Think about your baby. No kneecaps.

[JPC]

I'm thinking about how I'm going to the doctor when I get home and making a emergency kneecap appointment.

[Adel]

And my.

[JPC]

Baby doesn't have kneecaps. You'll be putting a couple of kneecaps in, and I want kneecaps for the elbows, too. You don't take insurance? I'm paying out of pocket for my baby's kneecaps.

[Adel]

Sir, you have to leave Babies R Us.

[JPC]

I'm leaving. I didn't know I couldn't take a phone call in here.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jbc, we're gonna do one more riddle, and if you don't get this and someone in the audience gets you Red Sox shirt. Ooh.

[JPC]

It doesn't affect me at all. Will you help me, Adel? Would you help me?

[Adel]

I'm still blown away that my kneecaps weren't around until age 10.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, that's why babies are like, you're so squishy.

[Adel]

That's why all babies in church go, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

[Aaron Keefe]

If you do it once, it's good. If you do it twice on the same day, though, it's a serious crime. What is it?

[Adel]

If you do it. Sorry. If you do it once, it's good.

[Aaron Keefe]

If you do it twice on the same day, though, it's a serious crime. What?

[Adel]

Advent calendar.

[Aaron Keefe]

Advent calendar.

[Adel]

No, because at my house, if you did, if you opened two doors, my mom would beat your ass.

[Aaron Keefe]

So I have two sisters, Molly and Kathleen. They're both here. Yeah. They're amazing. Yes. There is no fight more serious than our Advent calendar fights. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? We would fight like it was.

[Adel]

Who gets to move the mouse?

[Aaron Keefe]

Who gets to. One year. I swear to God, in my head, we were all teenagers at this point, too, which is ridiculous, but we all held Jesus at the same time and put Jesus in because it was causing so much of a fight. We would. Do you remember the good. We would fight over the angels. Do you guys remember any of the other hot ones that we wanted? The what? Oh, the star. Oh, I wanted to do the star. I'm, like, getting heated thinking about them putting it was the best. Okay, what were we talking about?

[Adel]

Twice in the same day.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's illegal. It's a serious crime. And I bet you're gonna make jokes about this when you find out.

[Adel]

Call the FBI on your neighbor.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, this is topical. It's topical once every, like, four years. Oh, your mic.

[Adel]

Oh, your mic is off.

[Aaron Keefe]

Did you shut it off by accident?

[Adel]

Is that what you were trying to indicate?

[JPC]

Test, test, test. Yes.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, there we go.

[Adel]

Can I just say very quickly, I'm dead serious. This person in the front row looked right at me, and they went. And they were trying to indicate that JPC's cord was undone. Can you imagine looking at someone and going, I think, where the fuck did you go to gesture school?

[JPC]

Honestly. Adult. This. This honestly contextualizes a lot of the interactions that you have had in your life. Adult. Adult. Told us. Adult. Told us. He was, like, walking around yesterday, and he's like, two separate people wanted to fight me. And I imagine that's your experience, but I also imagine guys are like, hey, man, you got gravy on your face. Like, you have gravy on. You have gravy on your face. And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm trying to help you out. I've noticed.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, we gotta get going.

[JPC]

I've never seen a man with gravy on his face. That much gravy.

[Aaron Keefe]

If you do it once, it's good. If you do it twice in the same day, that was a serious crime.

[JPC]

Aaron, is this bullshit? No, this is real.

[Aaron Keefe]

This is real. It's topical. Once every four years.

[Adel]

Is the day important in terms of.

[Aaron Keefe]

Like, day is important.

[Adel]

Pay your taxes twice.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, it happens once every four years. And it's topical now. And it was topical.

[JPC]

Oh, is this. Oh, this is voting.

[Aaron Keefe]

It's voting.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, that concludes the riddle. Part of our show. If you are part of our Clue crew on our patreon, we sometimes do brackets of our favorite things. And I thought. Yes. I thought we could do a bracket of things that feel like Boston and Massachusetts to me. And for that, I wanted to bring up one of the most Boston people I know. When you see him, you'll know what I mean. One of my best friends in the whole world. Connor, can you join us for this segment?

[Adel]

I thought it was going to be Chai McBride. You ever watch Boston Public?

[JPC]

No, but I do love Chai McBride.

[Adel]

Chai McBride.

[JPC]

What a name.

[Adel]

So good.

[JPC]

Oh, this is the part where Aaron told us to vamp.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. So Connor's been my friend for 20 years.

[JPC]

Goofy.

[Aaron Keefe]

No cat no more.

[JPC]

Too late, too late, too late.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sorry. We did 13 musicals and plays together.

[Adel]

Name them all, name them all.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pirates of Pen. Dance.

[JPC]

South Pacific.

[Aaron Keefe]

Anything goes.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

42Nd Street, Greece. Music Man.

[JPC]

Music Man. I know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Once on the Silence.

[JPC]

Once on the Silence. Just a little problematic.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Then you went to a different high school for a year.

[JPC]

Yeah, sure did.

[Aaron Keefe]

And then you're in town.

[Adel]

You're in town. Sweeney Todd.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sweet Todd. Thoroughly Modern Millie.

[Adel]

Thoroughly Modern Millie.

[Aaron Keefe]

And then plays.

[JPC]

And then plays at the bottom of Lake Missoula. Things fall parentheses, Meanwhile. And. Oh, yeah.

[Adel]

Our Stephen Sondheim special event show.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. We didn't do the second half of our senior year. We would just sit on the beach, drink orange soda, and disassociate. And they let us do that.

[JPC]

It was pretty great.

[Aaron Keefe]

Pretty great. Okay. So we're gonna quickly go through this bracket of Bostony things, then we're gonna decide what's the most Bostony thing of them all. Okay, your first two, the palpable sense of Irish Catholic guilt in the air verse. The Big Dig.

[Adel]

What was the second one?

[Aaron Keefe]

The Big Dig.

[Adel]

What's the Big Dig?

[JPC]

It was a project where they took.

[Adel]

The central artery that went through Boston and they moved it under ground. So it was a raised highway, and it went through the center of the city, and they moved it underground.

[Aaron Keefe]

And they did it in a very timely manner. And not.

[Adel]

And everything was on time and Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. So it's construction. Correct. Okay, yeah.

[JPC]

One of our most notable things about.

[Adel]

Our city is construction. I did say, what's the Big Dig? And someone in the back went, oh.

[JPC]

Hey, you don't know the big, Big Dig.

[Aaron Keefe]

Whoa. What? Pick your winner.

[JPC]

I gotta go. Big Dig. It's fun to say.

[Adel]

Big Dig.

[JPC]

It's fun to say.

[Adel]

That's a tough. The palpable sense of Irish guilt.

[JPC]

Yeah, I'll change to that. I don't care.

[Aaron Keefe]

Too late. Getting drunk at the Logan Airport. Legal seafood before a flight or throwing tea into Boston Harbor.

[Adel]

Now I have to ask, is there an illegal seafood? Why is it called. In all sincerity, why is it called legal seafood?

[JPC]

Don't look at me.

[Adel]

Does anyone know why it's called leg?

[JPC]

The second Boston question that we had. It's a. Nah. Who knows?

[Aaron Keefe]

Who knows?

[JPC]

It's a mystery.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, it's 18 plus. Oh, yes.

[Adel]

So I got screamed at. I got screamed at about the.

[JPC]

I'll. I'll do the porno seafood store. That's what I'll do.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's your pick? What's your pick?

[JPC]

Legal seafood.

[Adel]

Legal seafood.

[JPC]

Legal seafood.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, great. Perfect.

[Adel]

If it is a fresh, it is illegal.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yes, that's the slogan.

[JPC]

Okay, that does sound like a slogan for a business.

[Adel]

The business and name truly began back in 1904 when Harry Berkowitz, Son of Sam, called his Inman Square store legal Cash Market because his customers could redeem legal government issued cash stamps there.

[Aaron Keefe]

I would say, let's not Google anything about Boston just in case a Birdie and Phil's thing happens again. Okay. Paul Revere's ride. Or Sam Adams being a founding father, but his legacy being beer. What's more, Boston.

[Adel]

Sam Adams.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sam Adams.

[JPC]

I was gonna say Sam Adams. Yeah, that seems right. That seems right.

[Aaron Keefe]

Got it. Whatever they've got going on at mit. Or the part from the fighter where she says, you Shut your mouth in my kitchen. You owe me $200.

[Adel]

Isn't that Conan O' Brien's sister?

[Aaron Keefe]

Is it?

[JPC]

Yeah. There's one person from the Fighter that is.

[Aaron Keefe]

She's in that scene. She's not the one who says it, though. It's. What's her name?

[JPC]

I thought you were talking about mit.

[Adel]

Who's. Wait. Oh, wait. Is somebody here in your family. I can't look at them. I'm embarrassed. Is somebody here in your family row that said, you always do this?

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah, that's Barbara. Yeah, it's her birthday. She's the one who said, john, you always do this.

[Adel]

Did that make the bracket?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, right in.

[Adel]

Right in.

[JPC]

I'll do the one where someone says something and it's. It sounds like it's from Boston.

[Aaron Keefe]

Right.

[JPC]

That one tickles me.

[Aaron Keefe]

The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum art heist versus the field trip to Plymouth Plantation and Plymouth Rock and being disappointed by Plymouth Rock.

[Adel]

I can't in good conscience vote for anything with the word plantation in it, so I'm gonna go with Isabella.

[JPC]

I feel the same way about heist. So I guess we're at a standstill.

[Aaron Keefe]

Art heist.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Adel]

Art heist.

[JPC]

Easy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Saying rotaries instead of roundabouts.

[JPC]

What the fuck?

[Aaron Keefe]

Dumb. Or drinking a Dunkin iced Coffee in the middle of winter. Middle of winter wearing winter. Damn it. Middle of winter wearing cargo shorts back.

[Adel]

Game of Thrones, but it's all Boston.

[Aaron Keefe]

In the middle of winter.

[JPC]

I'll do winter.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay.

[Adel]

Winter.

[JPC]

Winter is coming. Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Swan boats versus duck boats.

[Adel]

Duck boats.

[JPC]

Duck boats. Duck boats.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. All right, this one's fun. 21 people dying in the Great Molasses Flood.

[Adel]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. In the what?

[JPC]

The Great Molasses Flood. It was when there was a.

[Adel]

No, no, no. I can. I can suss. I can strap.

[Aaron Keefe]

10 people were injured and 21 people died. Yeah, very slowly, actually.

[JPC]

Molasses has a.

[Adel]

Has a much lower viscosity when it's hot. And it was so hot that day. That's why the tank exploded.

[Aaron Keefe]

He won National History Day at my high school. And middle school, too. Right. And middle school. And middle school.

[JPC]

There is no National History Day. Everyone clap like you believe that. That's a day. All right, hold on, hold on. Silence. Everybody just shout out what day National History Day is. Yeah, yeah.

[Adel]

Today's the right answer.

[JPC]

Today is a good answer. First answer.

[Aaron Keefe]

Saying noma gasia para in a Boston accent.

[JPC]

Wow.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's your winner?

[JPC]

Oh, that. The Boston accent one. I like to hear you say the worst Maple.

[Adel]

Molasses. Molasses.

[Aaron Keefe]

Connor, you're the tiebreaker.

[JPC]

I gotta go with molasses.

[Adel]

Did it take them, like, 17 days to die?

[Aaron Keefe]

I think they died pretty fast.

[JPC]

Yeah, they died pretty fast.

[Aaron Keefe]

It was really bad. But the whole city smelled like molasses for a while, so that's kind of fun. Stop and shop parking lot the day before Thanksgiving. Or Canopy Lake park in the rain.

[Adel]

I'm going to go for the one that cheered at.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, Canyon Park.

[JPC]

It seems like they didn't like that other one.

[Aaron Keefe]

What did you say backstage when I read you this?

[Adel]

Well, Market Basket.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, Market Basket. Hey.

[JPC]

All right. Market Basket versus Canopy Lake Park. I went to a Market Basket today. They need to hire more cashiers. They need to hire more cashiers.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Traffic to and from.

[JPC]

You gotta get it fixed.

[Aaron Keefe]

Boston traffic to and from the Cape vs. The Red Sox winning the World Series in 2004, the same year they filmed Fever Pitch. A miracle. What's your winner?

[JPC]

While Adol was in Fever Pitch. So I have to go with Fever Pitch.

[Adel]

Yeah, I was the third base. You can hear me going. Ow. Ow.

[Aaron Keefe]

Applying to UMass Amherst Classic or Ted Kennedy killing that girl.

[JPC]

John, you always do this. Yeah, I gotta go with Ted Kennedy.

[Adel]

Trappaquiddick.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ted Kennedy killed that girl. Quick reminder that when Ted Kennedy passed away and at the Kennedy Museum, they had his, like, casket. Yeah, you had to wait, like, seven hours in line to go through and see him. And my mom waited in line twice. She waited, like, all day and went back to see him a couple times.

[Adel]

Was it an open casket?

[Aaron Keefe]

I don't know. No, no, no.

[Adel]

So we don't know if he was in there. It was just.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, I think he was in there.

[Adel]

He could still. Still be alive.

[JPC]

I think your mom waited to see an empty.

[Aaron Keefe]

My grandfather telling my mother to bring him his car keys, but his accent was so thick. So instead of bringing him his car key, she brought down his khaki pants. A real thing that happened. Khakis and khakis. Khakis, Khakis. Verse. Taking an awkward squatty photo next to the make way for Duckling statue.

[JPC]

The first one feels like a family guy joke. So that's. I'll go with that one. I'll go with that one.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, that one.

[Adel]

No, Brian, I said my car keys.

[Aaron Keefe]

Larry Bird versus all the streets being built for horses and making no sense.

[Adel]

Larry Horse.

[Aaron Keefe]

I cannot combine the two, Adam.

[JPC]

I gotta go with Larry Bird, the hick from French Lick, Indiana.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's ours. He's ours.

[JPC]

I can Keep him. I don't care. Not important to me.

[Aaron Keefe]

Any Irish pub in South Boston versus the Word. Wicked.

[JPC]

Wicked. Wicked. Yeah.

[Adel]

The only thing I'm gonna say is.

[Aaron Keefe]

Perfect. Dropkick Murphy's verse. Chris Evans saying, be honest in that one interview. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? Be honest. Be honest.

[JPC]

I always forget that he's from Boston.

[Adel]

Is he from Boston?

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

Framingham. Oh, nice. You know, they beat us in festival once, and now I. Every time I hear Framingham, I'm like, you guys.

[Adel]

What was the first one?

[Aaron Keefe]

Drop kick. Murphy's drop kick.

[JPC]

For sure.

[Aaron Keefe]

Great.

[Adel]

But if it was Chris Evans holding a helicopter, I'd vote for that.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah. From get out or from Dives Out?

[Adel]

Remember? Hold on. Remember? Remember when the moment is like putting the spoon on the teacup and Chris Evans has a helicopter and then he goes into the helicopter place.

[JPC]

Do more cameos like that.

[Aaron Keefe]

We have to go faster. Have fun in movies complaining about Vera Farmiga's accent in the Departed versus Cape Cod Potato chips slash ocean spray. Cranberry juice. When their powers combine.

[Adel]

Well, I learned that.

[Aaron Keefe]

Cape Cod, Cape Cod, Cape Cod.

[Adel]

I learned that Cranberries. When you harvest cranberries, there's like, 100,000 spiders that, like, crawl on your overalls. So I can't vote for spiders. A vote for cranberry juice is a vote for spiders.

[JPC]

You're gonna hate this, but Vera Fumiga is made of spiders.

[Aaron Keefe]

No. The Big Dig versus getting drunk at the Logan Airport. Legal seafood before a flight.

[JPC]

Gotta go with Big Dig. It is so fun to say. I feel like I'm getting Boston pills.

[Adel]

Big Digs. Yeah, Big Dig.

[Aaron Keefe]

Sam Adams being a founding father, but his legacy being beer. Versus you shut your mouth in my kitchen and you owe me 200 jaws.

[JPC]

Shut your mouth.

[Adel]

Shut your mouth.

[JPC]

Of course, nobody even knows that Sam.

[Aaron Keefe]

Adams did the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum art heist versus the duck boats. Oh, yeah, that one.

[JPC]

I gotta say, Adam and I were talking about this earlier today that I loved the duck. I thought the duck boats were way more fun than I thought they would be.

[Adel]

Yeah, okay, Duck boats. But theft is cool. I know. Boston loves to get away with theft.

[Aaron Keefe]

Drinking Dunkin Iced Coffee in the middle of winter. Winter wearing cargo shorts versus 21 people dying in the Great Molasses Club. I can't believe that's still on you.

[JPC]

I think that one advance. Although I do have to say I don't love cargo shorts.

[Adel]

Aaron.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah?

[Adel]

Do you mind. Just real quick. Sorry. Do you mind saying, and I'm Going to film this. Do you mind saying 21 people dying again so I can get 400 people laughing?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, 21 people dying during the great Molasses Flood Classic Boston Classic matchup.

[Adel]

Texting the FBI.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's. What's your winner? What's your winner.

[JPC]

Drinking, Duncan, when car shorts on.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Adel]

Do we have time for a special write in?

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, it depends on what it is.

[Adel]

I think you know what it is.

[Aaron Keefe]

Is it goofy?

[Adel]

I think it's kind of fun, but not goofy. It's a little silly, but I don't know if it's goofy.

[Aaron Keefe]

What is it?

[Adel]

Well, I think it's one of the most special things two people can do. What, Aaron?

[Aaron Keefe]

What?

[Adel]

You truly don't know what I'm talking about.

[Aaron Keefe]

I really have no idea what you're talking about. Do you know anything?

[JPC]

I don't know.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, great.

[JPC]

I'm just here, man. I'm at work right now.

[Adel]

I want to say very quickly, I think we can get this done. We're gonna get this done in two minutes, okay? Probably the whole reason we're here and on this tour is because of two people. Matt and Anna.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, yeah.

[Adel]

Who brought us out.

[Aaron Keefe]

But we got it. We got to get through this really quick.

[Adel]

Okay?

[Aaron Keefe]

And then we'll do that at the end.

[Adel]

Sorry. Sorry. You know what? I'm such a fucking idiot for celebrating two people in love.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, we will. We're going to.

[Adel]

We're going back to molasses.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, we're going to. We're going to. We're going to. We got to get through this quick. Canopy Lake park In the rain versus the Red Sox winning the World Series in 2004, the same year they filmed Fever Pitch.

[Adel]

Fever Pitch.

[JPC]

Fever Pitch.

[Aaron Keefe]

Great. Ted Kennedy killing that girl versus the Khaki Pants story.

[Adel]

Ooh, That's a one and two seed.

[JPC]

That's tough matchup. That's tough matchup.

[Aaron Keefe]

Kennedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JPC]

I gotta go with rfk.

[Aaron Keefe]

Larry Bird.

[JPC]

Real finals.

[Aaron Keefe]

Larry Bird versus the Word Wick Song.

[Adel]

Off the head of a whale.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wicked. Wicked, wicked, wicked. Okay. Dropkick. Murphy's versus cranberry juice. Cape Cod potato chip chips.

[Adel]

Murphy's Anti spiders.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right, here we go. The Big Dig versus you shut your mouth in my kitchen, you owe me 200.

[JPC]

Big dig.

[Aaron Keefe]

Dig. Duck boats versus iced coffee in the middle of winter. Cargo shorts.

[Adel]

Duck boat in the middle of winter.

[JPC]

Duck boating.

[Aaron Keefe]

Duck boating. All right.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

All right.

[JPC]

Sorry. Sorry. Coffee.

[Aaron Keefe]

Red Sox winning the world series in 2004, the same year they filmed Fever Pitch vs Ted Kennedy killing that girl.

[JPC]

It's Ted Kennedy.

[Aaron Keefe]

I cannot believe that that's advanced.

[Adel]

Do you think. Speaking of Fever Pitch, do you think when Ted Kennedy killed that girl, he kind of broke like Jimmy Fallon does? Yeah, like a fake sort of like. Can you believe me?

[Aaron Keefe]

Wicked. Vers Dropkick Murphy's wicked.

[JPC]

Wicked.

[Aaron Keefe]

Wicked. We're coming to the end. We're coming to the end. The Big Dig versus Duck Boats.

[JPC]

Big Dig, baby. Big Dig all the way.

[Adel]

Duck Boats.

[JPC]

I'm fully Big Dig pilled.

[Adel]

You've got Big Dig energy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Ted Kennedy killing that girl versus the word wicked.

[Adel]

Ted Kennedy killed that girl.

[JPC]

It's gotta be Ted Kennedy. I have to fight for wicked here. Adulthood is wicked.

[Aaron Keefe]

Oh, you voted.

[Adel]

Wait, no. I said Ted Kennedy.

[JPC]

Oh, yeah.

[Aaron Keefe]

I'm sorry.

[JPC]

Ted Kennedy.

[Aaron Keefe]

I guess it's Ted Kennedy. Guys, I'm sorry. Ted Kennedy killing that girl versus the Big Dig. I can't believe those.

[JPC]

To be fair, this is what we deserve. I know I did.

[Aaron Keefe]

What's your word?

[JPC]

I've known about that Ted Kennedy thing for years, and I did just find out about the Big Dig today.

[Adel]

Yeah.

[JPC]

I gotta go.

[Aaron Keefe]

Big Dig, baby.

[JPC]

Big Dig.

[Adel]

Recency bias.

[JPC]

Yeah.

[Adel]

What a beautiful history. I'm gonna go Ted Kennedy.

[Aaron Keefe]

Connor, you're the deciding vote here.

[JPC]

Let's go for the Big Dig.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Oh, the Big Dig.

[Adel]

So we're thrilled because it took a long time or what's. Why are we cheering?

[JPC]

Hey, man, you don't get the Big Dig.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah, you don't.

[Adel]

Did we find Bones or something?

[Aaron Keefe]

He gave the city something to complain about for so many years.

[JPC]

Don't try to explain the Big Dig, Aaron. He didn't go through it. He doesn't get it. He's not like us.

[Aaron Keefe]

He's not like us.

[JPC]

We're Big Dig people.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, we have two little things left for the show. We're gonna bring Arnie out again in a minute. But before that, there are two people who are getting married this weekend. And they're both here. Are they here? Amazing. If you want to, would you mind coming up and getting married up here really quick?

[Adel]

Quick.

[Aaron Keefe]

By us.

[Adel]

We wanted to steal your thunder.

[Aaron Keefe]

We kind of wanted to steal your thunder. Incredible.

[Adel]

Jim, a round of applause. This is Matt, Nana, Matt and Anna. Truly the reason why we're in town.

[JPC]

We wanted to celebrate your special day and we thought, you know, you're getting married this weekend, but it's Thursday. Why don't we just do it now? Right?

[Adel]

Yeah.

[JPC]

Why don't we just get it over with so Aaron, you're gonna officiate, correct?

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah. Are you ordained?

[JPC]

No, not anymore.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay, well, there's a story there.

[JPC]

Okay, I'm gonna go on this side. Do you guys have your vows memorized? Okay, you know what? We don't want to burn those. So Adel and I will do. We'll just feed you.

[Aaron Keefe]

They're gonna Sierra. No, de Bergerac, you guys. And give each other vows.

[Adel]

Erin, we're gonna Roxanne them.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Okay, great. This is a wedding where you're gathered here today. Amazing. And do you want to do.

[JPC]

Yeah. Okay, so dear Sean.

[Aaron Keefe]

That's not his name.

[JPC]

I know. And then. And then say, oh, fuck. Sean was my ex.

[Adel]

Aaron, how you doing?

[Aaron Keefe]

Thriving.

[JPC]

And then say, Kevin. And then say. You know what? It doesn't matter. Let's not do names for the whole wedding.

[Adel]

Yeah, you'll start, hey, you. Classic you. Let's do this thing. And then turn to the congregation and go, big dig.

[JPC]

Okay. And then. Are you both from Boston? Oh, perfect. You're from Boston. So then I want you to say, I think you're wicked smart. Oh, that was good.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yeah.

[Adel]

And I want you to say deep dish bean. And then do a fade away jumper like Michael Jordan.

[JPC]

Nice. All right.

[Adel]

Michael Jordan's. Michael Jordan's famous jump away with the.

[Aaron Keefe]

Who introduced who to the show? I'm so sorry.

[Adel]

You can have a seat.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no. I. With the power investing in me by riddles, puzzles, the devil.

[Adel]

What'd you like at gtc?

[JPC]

Jake and Amir.

[Aaron Keefe]

Jake and Amir Headgum.

[Adel]

Some of Dropout.

[Aaron Keefe]

Yes. Some of Dropout. I pronounce you man and wife. You may now high five or kiss, whichever you prefer.

[JPC]

Nice. Thank you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Thank you so much for coming up and getting married on the stage.

[JPC]

You brought gifts. Oh, it's very interesting. Okay.

[Adel]

Whoa. Thank you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Okay. Incredible.

[JPC]

What the hell? More people who get married should give me a gift, I think.

[Adel]

Give it up again for newlyweds. McNan.

[Aaron Keefe]

If you don't mind, I would like to do something. Something that's a little bit self indulgent. But I wanted to sing with Arnie. I know. I'm like, I'm sorry for being self indulgent when I did 45 minutes.

[Adel]

Can you imagine in 20 years when their kids are like, what was. How'd you get married? And they're like, we were on a riddle podcast.

[Aaron Keefe]

You know those people who went insane and were on the news? Yeah. They married us. I wanted to sing with my two of my great, great friends. My favorite song about Boston. This is called the mta. It's my favorite song. Please sing along if you know it. Also, you know me. I don't know lyrics. I might mess up. And if you two can sort of come up here and dance, that would mean a lot to me.

[JPC]

These are the times that try men's souls. Throughout the course of our nation's history, the people of Boston have rallied bravely whenever the rights of men have been threatened. Today, a new crisis emerges. The Metropolitan Transit Authority, more commonly known as the mta, has levied a burdensome tax upon the population in the form of a subway fare increase. Citizens, hear me now. It could happen to you.

[Aaron Keefe]

Well, let me tell you of the story of a man named Charlie On a tragic and fateful day he put 10 cents in his pocket Kissed his wife and family Went to ride on the well, did he ever return? No, he never returned and his fate.

[Adel]

Is still unlearned Poor old Charlie he may lie forever Neath the streets of.

[Aaron Keefe]

Boston He's a man who never returned Charlie handed in his dime at the Kendall Square station and he changed for Jamaica Plain when he got there the conductors told him one more nickel Charlie couldn't get off of that train well.

[JPC]

Did he ever return Though he never returned and his fate is still unlearned.

[Aaron Keefe]

What a pity he may ride forever.

[Adel]

Neath the streets of Boston He's a.

[Aaron Keefe]

Man who never returned now all night long Charlie rides through the station Crying what will become of me? How can I afford to see my sister and Chelsea or my cousin in Proxbury?

[Adel]

Well, did he ever return?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, he never returned and his fate.

[JPC]

Is still alert he may ride forever.

[Aaron Keefe]

In the streets of Boston He's a man who never returned Charlie's wife goes down to the Scully Square station Every day at quarter past two and through the open window she hands Charlie a sandwich as the train keeps rumbling through well, did he ever return? No, he never returned and his fate.

[JPC]

Is still unlearned Poor old Charlie he.

[Aaron Keefe]

May ride forever Neath the streets of Boston He's a man who never returns now, you citizens of Boston don't you think it's a scandal how the people have to pay and pay? Fight the fair increase Vote for George o' Brien, pimp Or driving at the.

[JPC]

MTA well, did he ever return?

[Aaron Keefe]

No, he never returned and his name.

[JPC]

Is still unlearned Just like Paula did he die forever the street is with Boston he's the first man who never returned Keep clapping.

[Adel]

Did he ever return?

[JPC]

No, he never returned and his fate is still unlearned he may Ride forever.

[Aaron Keefe]

He may ride forever Neath the streets of Boston he's the man who never.

[JPC]

Returned Here we go.

[Aaron Keefe]

And he ever returned though he ever.

[JPC]

Returned when his faith is still unlearned Poor old Charlie.

[Aaron Keefe]

He may ride forever Never need the streets of Boston he's the man who never returned he's the man who never returned but he's the man who never returned at you, Charlie. Thank you so much much for coming out. This is truly a dream come true. I've been wanting to do this for six years. This has been the whole hardest year of my life. And having you come out and support me means so much to me. I'd also love to thank my family for encouraging me to be funny. You only know my name because they are so funny and so kind and were so nurturing for me, being a little girl who wanted to be loud and take up space. So please give them a round of applause. I have the best family in the world. I love them so much. And thank you, Adeline, jbc, for being so willing to wear those Yankee clothes. I got so scared when I handed it to them. And then Arnie, of course, Arnie Parrott on the music being so helpful. And then my best friend Connor, who I. My favorite thing in the world is to be on stage with him. So thank you for doing this, Connor. And then thank you to Arts at the Armory, including incredible support every show that comes through here. And thank you for coming out. Do you guys mind taking a picture of me with the crowd?

[JPC]

Hey, Aaron, why don't we do one more thing?

[Aaron Keefe]

What? What?

[JPC]

Have sex with.

[Aaron Keefe]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't believe I gave you any leeway on that.

[JPC]

All right, Aaron, we have a couple more minutes. Do you have a way to get them to play the theme?

[Aaron Keefe]

So thank you.

[JPC]

Somerville. Adjacent to the city of Boston.

[Aaron Keefe]

Created.

[JPC]

By Emily Jordanus and Emmeline Burrow.