Hidden Brain: How to Harness Your Feelings
Hosted by Shankar Vedantam
Release Date: May 5, 2025

Introduction to Emotion Regulation

In the episode titled "How to Harness Your Feelings," Shankar Vedantam delves into the intricate world of emotions and the science behind managing them. Drawing inspiration from Charles Darwin's lesser-known research on emotions as evolutionary adaptations, Shankar sets the stage for an enlightening conversation on emotion regulation, a vital life skill essential for overcoming setbacks, balancing risks and rewards, maintaining relationships, and harnessing our feelings effectively.

The Science of Emotion Regulation

Shankar Vedantam introduces Ethan Cross, a psychologist from the University of Michigan, who specializes in the study of emotions and techniques to manage them. Their discussion begins with Ethan recounting observations from his childhood, highlighting the nuanced nature of emotional regulation within individuals.

Personal Stories Illustrating Emotion Regulation

Ethan’s Father: A Dual Nature

At [05:28], Ethan shares memories of his father, a typically calm and meditative man who would transform into a reckless driver when perceiving injustice on the roads. Ethan describes his father’s aggressive actions as a form of emotional regulation gone awry:

Ethan Cross: “That was one of the first observations I had of this idea that you could be really good at regulating your emotions in some contexts, but really bad in others.” [07:24]

This early insight into his father's emotional extremes laid the foundation for Ethan's interest in understanding and managing emotions.

The Airport Incident: Losing Control

Ethan recounts a personal experience at an airport where he lost his composure in the face of another traveler’s outburst. This incident underscores the challenges of maintaining emotional control in high-stress situations:

Ethan Cross: “The moment the words came out of my mouth, I felt ashamed of saying them.” [08:59]

Will Smith at the Oscars: A High-Profile Breakdown

A pivotal moment discussed is the infamous Will Smith incident at the Academy Awards, where Smith slapped Chris Rock after a joke about his wife. Ethan analyzes this public display of emotion:

Ethan Cross: “It was just unbelievable to see someone do this.” [12:48]

He explains how overwhelming emotions can lead even the most esteemed individuals to actions that have lasting negative repercussions.

Jerry Linenger’s Space Station Ordeal

Ethan highlights the story of Jerry Linenger, an astronaut who effectively used distanced self-talk to navigate a life-threatening emergency aboard the Mir space station. This example illustrates the power of self-coaching during crises:

Ethan Cross: “He just manages to go a tiny bit further and find one more respirator. And he puts it on, it's working.” [17:37]

Malala Yousafzai’s Inner Monologue

A notable example of distanced self-talk is Malala Yousafzai’s experience during a threatening situation with the Taliban:

Ethan Cross: “She was giving herself advice like you would give to someone else.” [21:42]

This technique enables individuals to maintain clarity and composure under extreme pressure.

Novak Djokovic’s Emotional Reset

At [23:06], Ethan describes how Novak Djokovic used a self-pep talk in the bathroom during a struggling Wimbledon match, leading to a remarkable comeback. Djokovic’s approach demonstrates the effectiveness of strategic self-encouragement:

Ethan Cross: “You can do it. Believe in yourself. Now is the time.” [23:06]

Using Music to Regulate Emotions

Ethan shares a personal anecdote about how playing music in the car transformed his and his daughter's mood, highlighting the sensory aspects of emotion regulation:

Ethan Cross: “We Both were just energized by the music.” [27:30]

This led to his research on using senses—such as music, smell, and taste—as tools to modulate emotional states.

Laurie Santos’ Overwhelm with Success

The episode also covers the story of Laurie Santos, a Yale psychologist who faced burnout despite her professional successes. Ethan explains how Laurie’s mounting responsibilities led her to seek strategic changes:

Ethan Cross: “She left. So she put in for an unpaid leave... she found that she was overcome with a sense of emotional relief.” [63:10]

Laurie’s experience underscores the importance of environmental factors and strategic distancing in managing emotions.

Techniques for Emotion Regulation

Distanced Self-Talk

Distanced self-talk involves coaching oneself using third-person language, as seen in Jerry Linenger’s and Novak Djokovic’s experiences. Ethan emphasizes its effectiveness in calming and reasoning during emotional turmoil.

Bilingualism as Emotional Distance

For bilingual individuals, speaking in a second language can create emotional distance, allowing for more objective problem-solving. This phenomenon is supported by Ethan’s observations and research.

Expressive Writing

Expressive writing entails writing about one’s deepest thoughts and feelings regarding a troubling experience. Ethan cites compelling research demonstrating its benefits in reducing distress and improving health outcomes.

Sensory Regulation

Ethan explores how engaging the senses—such as listening to music, enjoying pleasant scents, or savoring tastes—can significantly influence emotional states. He illustrates this with his classroom experiment involving pizza and music, leading to heightened emotional responses.

Ethan Cross: “I'm essentially triggering different levels of positive and negative emotion, like a symphony orchestra conductor.” [31:10]

Selective Avoidance

Selective avoidance refers to the strategic diversion of attention away from distressing thoughts or situations. Ethan provides examples from his own life and highlights its effectiveness in preventing emotional overload.

Creating Safe Spaces

Both Ethan and Laurie Santos emphasize the role of safe spaces—whether physical locations or mental refuges—in providing emotional relief and resilience.

The Importance of Multiple Strategies

Ethan advocates for a diverse toolkit of emotion regulation techniques, akin to physical fitness regimens. He notes that individuals typically employ multiple strategies daily, adapting them to various emotional demands.

Ethan Cross: “Different people avail themselves of different physical fitness regimens... It scaffolds really nicely onto what we're learning about how to be emotionally fit.” [50:34]

Conclusion and Takeaways

The episode concludes with Ethan sharing his personal approach to emotion regulation, which involves layering multiple strategies, from distanced self-talk and emotional advisors to walks in nature. This multifaceted approach ensures resilience and emotional balance, even in the face of unexpected stressors.

Shankar Vedantam and Ethan Cross emphasize that effective emotion regulation is not about adhering to a single method but rather cultivating a flexible and diverse set of tools tailored to individual needs and circumstances.

Notable Quotes:

• Ethan Cross: “All of the emotions we experience, when we experience them in the right proportions are useful.” [13:20]
• Ethan Cross: “Strategic avoidance... can actually be really useful.” [42:18]
• Ethan Cross: “There are no one size fits all solutions when it comes to managing our emotional lives.” [45:56]

This episode of Hidden Brain offers a comprehensive exploration of emotion regulation, blending scientific insights with relatable personal stories. By understanding and applying various techniques, listeners can better manage their emotions, leading to healthier and more fulfilling lives.