Hidden Brain: How to Win People Over Hosted by Shankar Vedantam | Released on October 14, 2024
Introduction
In the episode titled "How to Win People Over," Shankar Vedantam delves into the intricate dynamics of interpersonal interactions and the science behind influencing others' perceptions. Hosted by veteran science journalist Shankar Vedantam, the episode features organizational psychologist Alison Fragale from the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. Fragale explores the delicate balance between assertiveness and warmth, especially for women striving to achieve both status and likability in various facets of life.
Personal Anecdotes: Early Attempts at Influence
Fragale begins by sharing her personal experiences in high school, illustrating the challenges of influencing others:
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Student Council Election Failure ([04:43]): During her sophomore year, Fragale ran for a student council position but lost despite her efforts. This early setback highlighted the complexities of winning people's approval.
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Second Attempt and Unexpected Outcome ([05:03] & [06:13]): Undeterred, she ran again the following year with a more polished and humorous speech, believing it would secure her victory. However, she was again defeated by a narrow margin, leading to feelings of disappointment and questioning her strategies.
Notable Quote:
"I thought I had a great joke. I'm well known. I'm liked, I'm gonna win this."
—Alison Fragale [05:29]
The Role of Status: Understanding Respect and Regard
Fragale shifts the conversation to her professional insights on status—defined as the respect and regard others have for an individual.
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Dimensions of Person Perception ([30:07]): Fragale identifies two fundamental dimensions:
- Assertiveness: The ability to get things done, showcasing competence and decisiveness.
- Warmth: Demonstrating care and concern for others.
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Respecting Both Dimensions ([31:26]): Individuals who embody both assertiveness and warmth are universally respected and admired. However, balancing these can be challenging, leading to perceptions of individuals being either competent but cold or warm but ineffectual.
Notable Quote:
"Status is how much we're respected and regarded. It's critically important to our life satisfaction and our career success. It's a fundamental human need."
—Alison Fragale [39:17]
Challenges for Women in the Workplace
Fragale discusses the unique challenges women face in achieving both assertiveness and warmth:
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Stereotyping and Perception ([32:40]): Women in power are often perceived as assertive but lacking warmth, leading to lower evaluations and respect, as evidenced by Jennifer Chapman's study on teaching evaluations.
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Impact on Career Progression ([35:00]): This dual perception can hinder women's career advancement and lead to undervaluation of their contributions.
Notable Quote:
"When women acquire power in the workplace, a number of studies have found they are less likely to be perceived as warm and nice. They are seen as powerful but cruel."
—Alison Fragale [35:00]
Strategies to Achieve Assertiveness and Warmth
Fragale offers evidence-based strategies to help individuals, especially women, navigate and overcome these challenges:
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Helping Others ([41:32]): Engaging in acts of assistance that showcase both competence and care. For example, offering unique help that highlights one's strengths while also being supportive.
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Brag and Thank Technique ([43:16]): Combining self-promotion with genuine appreciation for others. When acknowledging personal achievements, simultaneously crediting those who contributed fosters both assertiveness and warmth.
Notable Example:
"Hey, I had this great success, and special thanks go to people A, B, and C without whom this could never happen."
—Alison Fragale [43:16] -
Humor Bragging ([44:54]): Utilizing humor while promoting oneself to make self-promotion more palatable and memorable. This approach can enhance likability while still highlighting one's capabilities.
Notable Example:
"I have a proven track record of turning caffeine input into productivity output. The more coffee you can provide, the more output I will produce."
—Alison Fragale [44:54] -
Finding Similarities ([46:56]): Establishing common ground with others to build rapport and reduce perceived differences. Fragale shares Greg Northcraft’s strategy of connecting through shared interests like golf to enhance mutual respect and understanding.
Notable Story:
Greg Northcraft would always seek a common interest, such as golf, to connect authentically with others, thereby increasing his likability and status.
—Alison Fragale [47:00]
Notable Quote:
"If you have something that's very natural and authentic to you, even if it's more submissive, what are the things that you can add that are going to get you more recognition on the other dimension where you think you might be lacking?"
—Alison Fragale [41:32]
Case Study: Stacey Abrams' Masterclass in Balance
Fragale analyzes Stacey Abrams' response to a tricky question about presidential ambitions as a prime example of balancing assertiveness and warmth:
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Abrams' Response ([52:57]): When asked if she wants to be president, Abrams responded assertively while also highlighting her role as a role model, effectively showcasing both dimensions.
Notable Quote:
"Do I hold it as an ambition? Absolutely. And even more importantly, when someone asks me if that's my ambition, I have a responsibility to say yes."
—Stacey Abrams [52:57]
Conclusion: Balancing Assertiveness and Warmth
Through personal anecdotes, research insights, and practical strategies, Alison Fragale emphasizes that achieving a balance between assertiveness and warmth is not only possible but essential for building status and fostering meaningful relationships. By adopting techniques like "brag and thank," humor bragging, helping others, and finding commonalities, individuals can effectively influence others' perceptions without compromising their authenticity or likability.
Final Takeaway:
"We can influence [status]... we can do things that make it more likely that [others] will respect and regard us."
—Alison Fragale [21:30]
For those seeking to enhance their interpersonal effectiveness, Fragale's research-based approaches offer a roadmap to authentically winning people over while maintaining both competence and kindness.
About the Guest Alison Fragale is an organizational psychologist at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. She is the author of Likable Badass: How Women Get the Success They Deserve, where she explores the intersection of assertiveness and warmth in achieving professional and personal success.
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