Relationships 2.0: The Power of Tiny Interactions + Your Questions Answered: Erica Bailey on Authenticity

Hidden Brain

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Published: Mon Apr 14 2025

As you go about your day, you likely interact with family, friends and coworkers. These relationships can help you feel cared for and connected. But what if there’s a whole category of people in your life whose impact is overlooked? Today, in a favorite episode from our archives, psychologist Gillian Sandstrom reveals some simple ways to make your life a little more joyful and maybe even a little less lonely. Then, we talk with researcher Erica Bailey, who responds to listeners' questions about authenticity and how to reveal our true selves to the people around us.

Summary

Hidden Brain Podcast Summary

Episode: Relationships 2.0: The Power of Tiny Interactions + Your Questions Answered: Erica Bailey on Authenticity
Host: Shankar Vedantam
Release Date: April 14, 2025

In this insightful episode of Hidden Brain, host Shankar Vedantam explores the profound impact of everyday social interactions and the quest for authenticity in our lives. The episode features psychologist Gillian Sandstrom, who delves into the significance of "weak ties," and researcher Erica Bailey, who addresses listener questions about authenticity.

The Power of Tiny Interactions with Gillian Sandstrom

Introduction to Gillian Sandstrom
Gillian Sandstrom, a psychologist at the University of Sussex, shares her journey from being a shy, introverted child to a leading researcher in social connections. Reflecting on her childhood, Sandstrom recalls how her father's extroverted behavior contrasted sharply with her own reserved nature (04:29).

Understanding Weak Ties vs. Strong Ties
Sandstrom introduces the concept of "weak ties," referring to casual relationships with peripheral individuals like the hot dog vendor she regularly encounters. She distinguishes these from "strong ties," which involve close friends and family. Referencing Mark Granovetter's influential work, she explains that while strong ties are crucial for emotional support, weak ties play a significant role in enhancing overall well-being and introducing novelty into our lives (10:24).

The Clicker Study: Measuring Social Interactions
In her innovative "Clicker study," Sandstrom had participants track their interactions using two colored clickers: one for strong ties and another for weak ties. The findings revealed that days with more interactions with weak ties correlated with higher happiness levels and a greater sense of belonging. Importantly, even beyond personal averages, days with increased weak tie interactions led to noticeable boosts in mood (16:20).

Experiments Highlighting the Benefits of Casual Interactions
Sandstrom conducted further experiments encouraging participants to engage more deeply with baristas at coffee shops. Those who initiated genuine conversations reported better moods and increased satisfaction with their experiences, highlighting the emotional benefits of these seemingly minor interactions (18:42).

Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on Social Connections
The pandemic disrupted many weak ties, exacerbating feelings of loneliness and reducing daily small interactions that contribute to happiness. Sandstrom emphasizes that these weak ties provide essential novelty and unpredictability, which are crucial for mental well-being (26:53).

Personal Anecdotes: From Shyness to Social Engagement
Sandstrom shares personal stories illustrating the transformation from a reluctant socializer to someone who actively seeks meaningful exchanges. Conversations with strangers have enriched her life, leading her to form unexpected friendships and discover new interests (23:31).

Overcoming the "Liking Gap"
Addressing the "liking gap"—the tendency to underestimate how much others like us after a conversation—Sandstrom discusses strategies to overcome fears of rejection. She highlights that most people are more focused on their own perceptions, alleviating the anxiety around engaging with strangers (20:57).

Your Questions Answered: Erica Bailey on Authenticity

Introduction to Erica Bailey
Post the initial discussion with Sandstrom, the episode transitions to a Q&A segment featuring Erica Bailey, a researcher from the University of California, Berkeley, who specializes in authenticity. Listener questions drive a deep dive into understanding and embracing one's true self in various social contexts.

Authenticity in the Age of Social Media
Bailey recounts a personal experience where she tweeted about achieving self-esteem through her first published paper. This act of self-reflection and humor about the performative nature of social media resonated widely, sparking conversations about genuine self-expression online (57:32).

Cultural Influences on Authenticity
Responding to listener Kelly, Bailey explores how cultural norms shape the expression and perception of authenticity. In individualistic cultures like the United States, authenticity often involves self-expression and personal achievement. In contrast, collectivistic cultures prioritize social harmony and group cohesion, influencing how people present their true selves (65:07).

Navigating Authenticity with Multiple Identities
Bailey addresses Guadalupe's question about balancing multiple, sometimes conflicting, identities. She introduces the concept of self-concept complexity, where individuals juggle various facets of their identity. Bailey suggests storytelling and open communication as tools to bridge identity gaps and foster understanding (78:50).

Challenges for Marginalized Groups in Being Authentic
Bailey responds to Lauren's and Peggy's concerns about presenting authentic selves in environments that may not be accepting. She emphasizes the importance of finding safe spaces and supportive relationships where individuals can express their true selves without fear of judgment or repercussions (77:41, 82:01).

Authenticity in the Workplace
In addressing Jennifer's struggle to be authentic in a high-pressure work environment, Bailey recommends finding allies and redefining professional narratives to include authenticity. She highlights that most people are more concerned with their own perceptions, which can alleviate some anxiety about genuine self-expression (68:54, 71:32).

Living Authentically Amidst Multiple Strong Identities
Responding to listener Guadalupe, Bailey discusses how individuals with multifaceted identities can achieve authenticity by integrating their diverse selves through narratives and communication. She introduces the concept of code-switching and encourages embracing all aspects of one's identity as part of a cohesive self-concept (80:59).

Finding Meaning Post-Religious Upbringing
Bailey shares her personal experience of leaving a fundamentalist church and the subsequent quest for meaning and purpose. She advises embracing experimentation to discover what brings fulfillment and accepting that authenticity involves continuous growth and adaptation (88:58).

Notable Quotes

Gillian Sandstrom (09:29):
“We have lots of relationships like that, these little tiny relationships that maybe don't seem particularly important, but I feel like they kind of... you're kind of woven into the social fabric, you know.”
Erica Bailey (65:25):
“Authenticity is worth pursuing for its own sake, for you, for your well-being in places where you feel that you can be authentic safely.”
Gillian Sandstrom (26:53):
“During the pandemic, people generally found ways to stay in touch with the people they were closest to. But with acquaintances, sometimes we don't even know how to reach them.”

Key Takeaways

Embrace Weak Ties for Well-Being: Casual, peripheral interactions significantly enhance emotional health and happiness by introducing novelty and fostering a sense of belonging.
Authenticity Requires Safe Spaces and Support: Being true to oneself is crucial for well-being, and finding environments where one can safely express their genuine self is essential.
Cultural Context Shapes Authenticity: Different cultures influence how individuals express and perceive authenticity, with individualistic cultures emphasizing self-expression and collectivistic cultures prioritizing social harmony.
Navigating Multiple Identities: Individuals with multifaceted identities can achieve authenticity by integrating their diverse selves through storytelling and embracing all aspects of their identity.
Continuous Growth and Adaptation: Authenticity is an ongoing process that involves experimentation, adaptation, and acceptance of one's evolving self.

This episode of Hidden Brain masterfully intertwines the significance of everyday social interactions with the deeper quest for authenticity. Through engaging stories and scientific insights, Gillian Sandstrom and Erica Bailey shed light on how minor yet meaningful connections and the courage to be genuine can profoundly impact our happiness and overall well-being.