Hidden Brain — “The Power of Family Stories”

Host: Shankar Vedantam
Guests: Dr. Robin Fivush (Emory University psychologist), Massimo Pigliucci (philosopher, City College of New York)
Original Air Date: November 17, 2025

Overview

This episode of Hidden Brain explores the profound impact of family stories: how sharing, constructing, and internalizing them shapes identity, resilience, and well-being across generations. Host Shankar Vedantam speaks with psychologist Dr. Robin Fivush about her personal journey and lifelong research into the function of stories within families. The episode also features philosopher Massimo Pigliucci on Stoicism, a wider segment about emotion regulation, and how story frameworks and philosophy can buffer us against adversity.

The Power of Family Stories: Core Insights

1. Personal and Scientific Foundations

[00:00–09:48]

• Shankar opens with a vivid family story about his uncle, illustrating the role of personal anecdotes in shaping family lore and values:

  “He could spin the tiniest events into funny stories that had you laughing until you cried.” (Shankar, 00:42)

• Robin Fivush's Early Life:

  • Robin recounts losing her father to cancer and her mother suffering a devastating car accident, leaving her to be raised by grandparents.
  • Her family’s way of coping was to not talk about traumatic events, which influenced her later research.

  “When I would ask her questions about her past, my past, my family’s past, the answer was always, ‘Why do you need to know? That’s over. It’s past.’” (Robin, 09:03)

• Contrast With Storytelling Families:

  • Robin notices differences in families who share stories openly, experiencing this firsthand through her first husband’s family.
  • Regular sharing—iconic stories retold every year—creates strong family bonds.

“They had all the kinds of family stories. ... It had to get told the same way, with the same punchlines, every year.” (Robin, 10:07)

2. Family Stories and Well-being

[14:26–24:35]

• Robin’s Research:

  • Family storytelling occurs constantly: 40% of daily conversation refers to past experiences.
  • Everyday family dinners are rich with “today I” stories (about the day’s events) and “family history” stories.

• Impact on Children:

  • Children in families with more and collaborative storytelling:
    • Have higher self-esteem
    • Are more socially competent and emotionally mature
    • Develop a stronger sense of agency and purpose

“Children within families that tell more of these stories ... have higher self-esteem, they have higher academic competence ... higher social competence... a sense of meaning and purpose in life.” (Robin, 20:00)

3. The Do You Know Scale

[21:10–22:59]

• Measurement Tool:

  • “Do You Know Scale”: 20 yes/no questions assessing family lore (e.g., “Do you know where your parents met?”)
  • Strong correlation between knowledge of family history and psychological well-being.

• Cultural Touch:

  • Some questions rooted in ethnic tradition, such as joking about faces getting "stuck" from frowning.

4. The Storytelling Process: Styles Matter

[24:15–33:20]

• Collaborative/Elaborative Style:

  • Families construct shared memories through open-ended, inclusive conversations.
  • Example: A mother and daughter reminisce about a bike ride, laughing and validating their different emotional experiences but emphasizing connection.

  “They kind of come to an agreement that they enjoy being together and accept each other for who they are.” (Robin, 28:32)

• Repetitive/Directive Style:

  • Focuses on right/wrong answers, correcting discrepancies, and can pressure children.
  • Less beneficial for self-esteem and emotional learning.

  “It’s my job to make sure you remember it correctly.” (Robin, 32:55)

• Why Collaborative Styles Help:

  • They teach children emotional regulation, agency, and perspective-taking.
  • These stories serve as “scripts” for handling future challenges.

5. Resilience, Adversity, Vicarious Memory

[35:34–41:58]

• Vicarious Memory:

  • Remembering events not personally experienced, via family stories, gives children tools for navigating their own challenges.

  “These vicarious memories essentially provide models or views of how the world works.” (Robin, 35:52)

• Empirical Evidence:

  • Studies post-9/11: Families who shared and talked collaboratively about tough experiences had children with fewer emotional and behavioral problems.
  • Military veterans with a strong grasp of family history showed higher well-being, suggesting resilience is passed on through stories.

• Stories as Life Lessons:

  • Example: Mary, a teenager, uses a story about her father attending a civil rights rally as a baby to ground her own activism.

6. How to Tell Better Family Stories

[44:03–50:33]

• Story Shapes:
  • Ascending (“rags to riches”): Only good things happen—can leave kids unprepared for adversity.
  • Descending: Only bad things—can foster rumination.
  • Oscillating: Life has ups and downs; the most beneficial model for resilience.

“The oscillating story is one where you have a sense of: life has its ups and downs, but we are a strong, persevering family. We will overcome, we will get through this.” (Robin, 48:23)

• Transgression Stories:

  • Parents sharing mistakes or “minor transgressions” with children helps normalize struggle and failure, making parents relatable.

  “It’s another thing when you tell a story like this. It gives it a texture, a reality. ... You do get it. You get who I am.” (Robin, 49:28)

• Tangible Objects as Stories:

  • Heirlooms, like a mother’s engagement ring, are vessels for stories and connections across generations.

7. Family Stories as Identity and Emotional Blueprint

[33:33–35:34, 41:40–44:03]

• Navigating Adolescence:
  • Adolescents use family stories to form identity and make sense of moral and life lessons.

“...adolescents and young adults really draw from their parents’ stories, ... to figure out what their own personal experiences mean and how to make sense of it.” (Robin, 34:10)

• Empathy and Moral Courage:
  • Kids often retell pivotal experiences from their parents’ adolescence as models for their own choices.

Segue: Stoicism, Emotion, and Relationships

8. Stoicism: Modern Applications & Listener Stories

[56:39–104:49] (Selected highlights relevant to emotion regulation and family/relationship dynamics)

• Stoicism as Practice, Not Suppression:

  • Massimo Pigliucci stresses that Stoicism isn’t about being unemotional, but about recognizing and managing emotions.
  • Regulating your emotions can have a positive ripple effect, particularly with children and loved ones, as illustrated by listener stories about panic in stressful situations.

• Focus on Agency:

  • Only worry about what’s in your control; don’t ruminate over things you can’t change.

“Once the test is done, it’s over. There’s nothing you can do to change it. The only thing you can do is to learn from your mistakes...” (Massimo, 60:32)

• Pro-social Values:

  • Stoicism teaches considering how actions affect others, living rationally and cooperatively, and addressing emotions with compassion.

• Handling Grief:

  • Allow natural grief, but don’t let it define you forever. Find meaning beyond loss by maintaining connections with others.

“The question is, however, can you get out of it in a reasonable fashion and reasonable timing and get back to what he saw as your duties as a human being to other people?” (Massimo, 82:36)

• The View From Above:
  • Perspective-taking (imaging yourself in a wider universe) can help reduce anxiety and keep events in context.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The key here is storytelling, not just stories...” (Robin, 24:15)
• “Stories are little models of the world.” (Robin, 26:24)
• “If you never talk about [challenging experiences], the child never learns what to do with that emotion the next time it happens.” (Robin, 29:11)
• “We will overcome, we will get through this.” (Robin, 48:23)

Important Timestamps

• 00:00–04:27: Shankar’s introduction and family anecdote
• 04:27–09:33: Robin Fivush’s early life and family tragedy
• 14:26–19:52: Robin’s research on family story sharing & memory development
• 19:52–22:43: Links between storytelling styles and child wellbeing
• 24:15–33:20: The process and benefits of storytelling (collaborative vs. repetitive)
• 35:34–39:55: Vicarious memory, resilience after adversity, 9/11 study, military veterans
• 46:43–48:48: “Family sagas”—ascending, descending, oscillating models
• 56:39–75:03 (Stoicism): Discussion with Massimo Pigliucci; emotional regulation, agency, stories as “scripts” for resilience

Practical Takeaways & How-To’s

• Encourage open-ended, collaborative storytelling around daily experiences, big moments, and family history.
• Discuss both positive and negative family anecdotes – especially “oscillating” themes – to model resilience.
• Share stories of parental/adult mistakes to build connection and empathy.
• Use artifacts (heirlooms, photos) to maintain and create stories across generations.
• Use storytelling as emotional modeling—how to cope with and process feelings.
• Remember: it’s the process (listening, sharing, collaborating) that shapes identity and well-being, not just the information.

Final Note

This episode beautifully weaves scientific insight, moving personal narratives, and philosophical perspectives to show that family stories—when told collaboratively, openly, and with empathy—are not mere entertainment, but are the scaffolding of lasting identity, resilience, and relational health. The tools discussed for emotion regulation and meaning-making, whether rooted in narrative or Stoic philosophy, are timeless aids for navigating complex lives.