Hidden Brain – "Winning the Battle Against Yourself"

Host: Shankar Vedantam
Guest: Emily Falk, Psychologist and Neuroscientist, University of Pennsylvania
Published: September 8, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode delves into the fascinating topic of self-sabotage and why our brains so often hijack our best-laid plans and resolutions. From failed diets to unfinished projects, Shankar Vedantam and guest psychologist Emily Falk explore why we so often can’t stick to our goals, the hidden mechanisms within our own minds that get in our way, and practical, evidence-based strategies for overcoming these internal obstacles. The conversation draws on Falk’s research in neuroscience and psychology, offering lively stories, humorous examples, and actionable advice on how to work with our brains, rather than against them, to drive meaningful change.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why We Fail at Our Own Resolutions

• Metaphor of "Being John Malkovich": We think we’re in charge of our own minds, but often unconscious processes ("hidden puppeteers") drive our behaviors. (00:00–03:30)
• Most people experience a gap between their intentions and actions—wanting to eat healthy but giving in to dessert, promising to read more but never making time, etc. (04:38–09:52)

Quote:

"It's not what we set out to do, but it seems as if we are not the ones in charge."
—Shankar Vedantam (04:15)

2. Personal Stories: Self-Sabotage in Everyday Life

• Emily Falk recounts her own failed promise to avoid sugar at a family celebration—only to end up indulging in milkshakes later that day despite her clear resolutions. (04:35–07:38)
• Humorous pop culture parallels, like the characters in Friends and Parks & Recreation, show how universal and relatable these struggles are. (07:38–12:34)

Quote:

"So despite the fact that directly before coming to this dinner, I had just said...I am just gonna detox and eat all the green vegetables...I proceeded to polish off the entire rest of that milkshake."
—Emily Falk (06:03)

3. Why Good Intentions Fail: Insights from Neuroscience

• The "value system" in the brain: A network that performs quick, intuitive cost-benefit analyses for every choice, usually prioritizing short-term rewards over long-term benefits. (17:27–22:26)
• The farther away a goal is, the harder it is for our value system to prioritize it, making immediate gratifications more tempting and vivid than distant outcomes like health or financial stability. (19:03–22:26)

Quote:

"The value system is really focused on the here and now."
—Shankar Vedantam (18:37)

• The "game of would you rather": Our brains automatically compare apples to oranges when making choices, making snap decisions based on what's most salient at the moment. (20:24–21:29)

Quote:

"It's pretty incredible that it can handle the more abstract kind of choices...like, would you rather have a cat's tongue or would you rather have roller skates for hands?"
—Emily Falk (20:24)

4. The Role of Social Influence

• The "social relevance system": Brain regions that make us highly sensitive to social cues and what others think or do. (23:33–24:34)
• Emily’s story about discovering Benedict Cumberbatch’s appeal highlights how quickly our preferences can shift due to the opinions of friends and cultural trends. (24:34–28:11)

Quote:

"That increased appreciation was motivated almost exclusively by this kind of social force of other people appreciating him."
—Emily Falk (28:11)

5. Making Change Stick: Strategies from Neuroscience

A. Work With, Not Against, Your Value System

• Frame desired behaviors as immediately gratifying rather than as distant, abstract goals (e.g., promote vegetables as "Sizzlin’ Sichuan green beans" instead of just "healthy"). (32:01–33:39)
• Choose activities that feel fun or meaningful in the moment (e.g., dancing for exercise, biking to grandma for joy and scenery, not just duty). (33:53–36:55)

Quote:

"When we make choices that are really fun and joyful...focusing on those kinds of things can make it immediately rewarding."
—Emily Falk (33:53)

B. Link Resolutions to Personal Identity

• The "self relevance network": Lasting change is easier when new behaviors are tied to one’s self-concept—e.g., "academics make good runners because they’re good at planning." (37:37–39:30)
• Reframing skills and aspects of identity can make new goals feel authentic, improving persistence and satisfaction. (39:30–41:21)

Quote:

"If we're strategic about how we connect our resolutions to our identities, we can find things in our core identities that are better harnessed or connected to our resolutions."
—Shankar Vedantam (40:40)

C. Harness Social Proof and Accountability

• Examples show people are more likely to change behaviors if they know their peers are doing the same ("77% of your neighbors use fans instead of air conditioning"). (42:26–44:59)
• Practical lab technique: "WOTAT" ("Work On That Thing")—group accountability for tackling tasks together, making hard tasks more rewarding through social connection. (45:11–46:25)

Quote:

"Having somebody else there kind of helps rebalance the value calculation."
—Emily Falk (46:25)

D. Make Goals Emotionally and Socially Meaningful

• Emily’s experience learning guitar after her father's death: Lasting motivation came not from duty or abstract future improvement, but from personal connection, emotional meaning, and a teacher who made practice immediately relevant and joyful. (46:43–53:26)

Quote:

"I was already doing the thing that was the future goal, just at a level that was appropriate for me."
—Emily Falk (49:57)

Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• "We like to think that we’re captains of our own ships. But the evidence of everyday life tells a different story. There is a co-captain at the helm and this co-captain does not always share our goals."
  —Shankar Vedantam (28:11)

• "Sometimes we segment off, like, 'Okay, we're here because I'm gonna try to get Emily to learn how to play the guitar,' rather than, 'We're here to have this experience together.'"
  —Emily Falk (50:53)

• Emotional closure:
  "It feels like a really full-circle kind of feeling...now playing with my kids...songs that I used to sing with my dad...I did not expect for you to make me cry. It feels amazing."
  —Emily Falk (53:26)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–04:35 — Introduction; "Being John Malkovich" metaphor; self-puppeteering
• 04:35–09:52 — Emily’s dessert resolution stories; everyday examples of failed willpower
• 12:02–13:27 — TV clips; Ron Swanson’s "message to self"
• 17:27–22:26 — The neuroscience of the value system and why we favor short-term rewards
• 23:33–28:11 — The social relevance system and how others influence our desires
• 32:01–36:55 — Practical strategies: reframing goals, finding joy in the process
• 37:37–41:21 — Link goals with identity; anecdotes about reframing self-concept
• 42:26–44:59 — Social proof in nudging behavior change
• 45:11–46:25 — "WOTAT": Using group support to increase motivation
• 46:43–53:26 — The power of meaningful, emotionally relevant learning; music, family, and full-circle moments

Episode Takeaways

• Understand your brain’s "value system"—it’s wired for immediate rewards, so make new habits feel good in the moment.
• Leverage social influence—accountability, peer modeling, and supportive communities can shift your own "value equation."
• Connect new habits to your identity—change is stickiest when it feels authentic.
• Choose joy and meaning wherever possible—don’t be afraid to make change pleasurable, not punishing.

Next Week

Part two with Emily Falk will tackle another barrier to change: defensiveness, and how to help others (and yourself) let go of the need to protect old patterns in favor of growth.

For listener questions or input, email ideashiddenbrain.org with the subject line "Mental Barriers."