← Highest Self Podcast®
Highest Self Podcast®
595: Should You Live Together Before Marriage? And Other Real Questions Answered with Nadine Lee
00:36:35
Let’s talk about something most of us have felt, but rarely say out loud… Are we giving wife energy before there’s any real commitment? I’m back with my soul sister Nadine Lee for part two of our raw and honest convo—and this...
Loading summary
Transcript45 lines
- [00:00]
A
You're the one who really planted the seed in me of the importance of having separate spaces. Share with us more about that.
- [00:06]
B
My princess always used to do was let's just move in straight away. And I thought if they didn't want to move in, that means I do.
- [00:12]
A
Feel like we're in a relationship renaissance right now and the only way we will find our own truth is to.
- [00:17]
B
The love obviously is the baseline, but do we actually value the same things?
- [00:20]
A
I feel when you genuinely fall in love, there is a natural alignment in values because you wouldn't fall in love without that.
- [00:27]
B
You're such a lover.
- [00:30]
A
And also, I do agree love is not enough. And sometimes you have to end relationships.
- [00:34]
B
Because going into this cohabiting husband wifey mode when we're not even engaged yet and they feel that they've got you, I've got basically a wife without actually having to do anything. The soul is evolving very fast these days. It's not the same as like back in our grandparents. That also is affecting, like how trust.
- [00:51]
A
Flows Surrender let go Trust flows Surrender, let go I'm the one I've been waiting for Trust flow, surrender Let go just flow Surrender Let go just flow Surrender let go I'm the one I've been waiting for welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast I love to take spirituality, matters of the heart, and make it modern, fun, grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. So you could notice I'm somewhere a little different right now. I'm in Bali. I'm living here for the indefinite future. And it's super cool because the friend who I interviewed today on the podcast, she was on last week as well, is also here with me. So it's this full coming to circle because I met this queen 11 years ago when I was living in Bali, and we've gone on really deep journeys, especially with the path of the feminine and tantra and really connecting back to the wisdom of the womb and love as medicine. So last week she was on the podcast talking about moving from princess energy to priestess energy, and our conversation went so long that I actually split it up into two episodes. So the second half of the conversation which you're going to be hearing from today is like two sisters just talking like, is love enough? Should you live with someone before marriage? What dating is like, our expectations of relationships, what to settle on and what not. To these really real conversations that I am personally having with my girlfriends you are hearing on air right now. And I feel that sometimes these conversations are really needed because a lot of what we hear of on podcasts are like perfectly curated conversations from spiritual thought leaders who have, you know, really spoken that message again and again and again. And while that is extremely of value, sometimes we need to just go off the cuff and be like, look, I don't know, it's a trial and error. And I will say even some of my beliefs and opinions have even shifted since the time of recording this conversation. So that's the beauty of it. It's further evolving. We all have the opportunity to change our minds at any time and have new experiences, especially when it comes to love, because every single person that we interact with is going to bring about another point of awareness that we can now refer off of. So you may think, I really am looking for this thing in love and you might need someone with those qualities, but it's missing this other thing that you didn't even find valuable before until this situation showed you, oh, maybe I've been overlooking that I really want someone who's an empath, or I'm really overlooking that they need to be in a similar point of their career. Whatever the thing is for you. So this is a conversation that really explores these nuances. You're going to feel like our third friend hanging out with us. And without further ado, let's drop into the conversation. And before we drop into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe wherever you're listening to this podcast. That is the best way to stay up to date on the latest episodes. We've got this in video format, so if you're just hearing my voice, be sure to also watch our fabulous outfits on video as well on Spotify, Spotify, YouTube or the Apple Store. This is the best way to stay in the flow with future conversations and also allows the podcast to reach more people. So hit subscribe so I can keep vibing with you on all future episodes. Now let's get into this one. So would you not live with someone until you are already married to them?
- [04:10]
B
Not until we're already married. But, like, definitely. Like my. I feel there's. It's not necessary until it's. Until it's necessary. Like, essentially children.
- [04:20]
A
So even if you're married, you wouldn't. So you can catch. Send an owl.
- [04:28]
B
I would have, like, my own, like, quarters, you know, like.
- [04:32]
A
Yeah. So you're the one who really, like, planted the seed in me of the importance of having separate spaces and her temple and his. His man caves. Share with us more about that.
- [04:40]
B
Yeah, I Just feel this is so essential, you know, if you do choose to live together, you know, like just having that mindset around, not just falling into becoming the wifey, you know, and, you know, wanting to. It's almost like the princess is like trying to prove like how good of a wife you are. So then he's like, oh, she's wifey. I'm gonna make her. But it actually doesn't. He's just like, wow, I get a wife, don't even have to commit, you know, don't even have to buy a ring. So maintaining that kind of still like dating energy or like just the polarity energy and that. It's really good for polarity. But for example, having separate bedrooms. Not that you have to sleep in separate bedrooms every night. But me and my ex partner, we had that. And we would sleep together in the same bed five out of seven nights. But we had our own spaces still. And that was really good to keep that polarity and just your own spaciousness and sovereignty. But then the choice to come together and not kind of go into. Just because yeah, as soon as we live together, it's like, it's just natural. We just default into domestication and just kind of stop trying because it's like, well, there's this woman, Margarita. She talks about the moose. The woman basically just showing up on the doorstep as like a hunting. He doesn't have to go out and hunt her. He's just. She's just there on the doorstep already. So it's like if you're already living with him really quickly, straight away, he hasn't really had to try. And men value things that they have to work for. Actually, humans value things they have to work for. This is just a human thing.
- [06:29]
A
So a lot of people would say, well, how do you know if you can live well together if you've never lived well together? Once you're married, it's like you've already committed for life.
- [06:36]
B
Yeah, I mean, of course, you know, I wouldn't just move in just when we have kids. It would be, I guess going away on trips together, you can see, and maybe even spending extended periods, maybe a whole week together before fully jumping in just to see if you are compatible and, I don't know, cohabiting. But it's more about. What I'm saying is that princess part of us that just wants to move in and thinks that's what is him claiming you. If you're just like moving in together after six months or, you know, even things like sharing about you on social Media like thinking that's claiming, like this is all princess behavior. It's like that's not claiming you. Claiming you is like when the ring's on the finger or like he's made big, big commitments, you know, not posting about you or whatever on Instagram or social media.
- [07:29]
A
Have you ever wondered how certain people are able to create these incredible spiritually aligned careers where they are sharing their full expression, making tremendous, tremendous impact to the world, creating massive levels of abundance, have teams that support them, and getting to be authentically themselves? Well, I've created the Dharma Summit to interview five incredible spiritual teachers and thought leaders to really break down their journey towards their sole purpose and reverse engineer it with my Dharma discovery method. So you can see the patterns in all of their journeys and get to know where you are in your own. Because what I have discovered is it might seem random and like the obstacles that we're facing right now are things that no one else has experienced before. And while they are unique to your journey, there is a greater intelligence to the journey of our soul's purpose, which is what I really break down in the Dharma Summit. So you're going to get to know five different people's journeys. I'm talking world renowned spiritual teachers, astrologers, healers, entrepreneurs, and my own. And be able to see step by step how they were able to overcome certain shifts, the timelines of their stories, and then see within your own journey where you are and what happens next. So this is an absolutely free summit called the Dharma Summit that is open and available for registration right now. So just head over to the show notes, you'll find the link right there to get started. I am so excited to share this wisdom and magic with you. Let's be honest, don't we all deserve a little romance even if it's just in our headphones? I mean, it definitely makes grocery shopping or picking things up on the the go a little sexier. So Dipsea is an audio app made for romance lovers with short spicy stories that immerse you in the fantasies that you've been craving. I mean, maybe it's like a Balinese shaman healer lover or a sexy Pride and Prejudice British situation, or maybe a captain of a pirate ship. I mean, what's your fantasy? They got it there for you. So right now, listeners of the show get an extended 30 day free trial. Just go to dipseastories.com Sahara that's D A P S E A stories.com Sahara for 30 days of full access for free. You can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you inner guidance. Going on a trip with someone is a great way to start and you can learn so much about them. And then also when you're like, seriously in a relationship with someone, you're probably going to either go to their house a lot, they're going to come to your house a lot. So you're kind of like, you know, their stuff's at your place, you're sharing a bathroom that. I actually find it easier when you're living together because now it's like they don't have this like, bag and are staying in your place and feeling a little uncomfortable. But finally when you're living together, it's like now they have their like. I remember with my, with my ex, it was like he never really felt comfortable coming to my place and we didn't live together until we were married, you know, and it actually made the dynamic so much easier once we started living together because it was like he, he had his own closet, he had his own, his own stu. So I'm actually, I mean, luckily we were able to even do him staying in my tiny one bedroom apartment. But at the same time, yeah, maybe if we lived together officially, like, maybe it would have taken longer to get engaged. I'm kind of in this place that it's like, why are we even like so focused on the goal of getting married? You know, I feel like as women, we're like, we want to lock it in. We want him to claim us. And it took me getting married and then having a divorce to be like, it actually doesn't really mean anything. And I'm like, even when I was married, I'm like, let's call each other fiance. You know, it's like you kind of like want to go back to that time where it's like you're just, it's like lighter, you know, a lighter energy than like husband and wife. And it was interesting because I had this realization of like, when I was the girlfriend, all I wanted to do was be the fiance. When I was the fiance, all I wanted to do was the wife. Once I was the wife, I'm like, can we pretend you're my. I'm your girlfriend? You know, and it's interesting and it's like going through all of those stages to be like, I feel like it's even that princess that's like he needs to put everything on it, lock it in, as if that's going to like make him love you forever. And there's like Never any end point. It's like, hello, like, why do we have collectively so many marital issues? It's like, actually sometimes and not always. And this is not a sacred marriage, but often what happens is, like, once you're married, it's like they both parties stop putting in the same effort because they're just like, okay, they're here, like, now. Time to put my focus and energy on this other thing that I don't have. So I'm on a different side of you on this living together thing that I do feel. It's like I told you, the healthiest relationship that I know is my bestie, Rosie. She's been with her partner, Tori for 22 years, and they're not married. You know, and they quickly moved in together. You know, I think she said they had sex, like, I don't know, the second date, very early. And she wasn't. She didn't know it was going to be her. Her forever partner. But there was just attraction and. But, like, continual interest and. And when she was, like, seven years into the relationship, people were like, why hasn't he put a ring on it? Like, you need to leave him. Like, he doesn't value you. You need to be with someone who's actually going to marry you. And she was like, on the brink of, like, yeah, I do want to get married. Should I leave this relationship? And she was not sure. But then she realized, like, the loyalty and stability and safety that he gives her is. It's unlike anything else. And so she decided to ride it out. And there were other things. Like, he's not, like, super spiritual. He's not, like, super, like, intellectual. She's very, like, academic, and they're different, you know, but he's so grounded. He's so supportive, and he adores her bits and pieces. And now they have outlasted any of those marriages, any of those people telling her to break up with them. And it's like. And now it's funny because he, like, is more the one who's like, when's the wedding gonna be? And she's like, let's, like, put that towards buying a house, you know, and they, like, buy properties. And. And I share this because I honestly feel like there's something to the fact that they're not legally married. Is like, they're still, like, dating each other. They're still choosing each other. There's not this, like, heaviness that I feel. Like when you bring in the energy of the government through a marriage, it's bringing in that energy of this Constitution of marriage that has become a commodification. It has become like a wife was like a property of a man, you know, And. And I. I still love. Like, again, I don't know if I will get legally married or not. Again, I. But I love the. The idea of, like, sacred union, lifelong partnership. But I just feel like it's not so much about the end goal, but rather it's about, like, the every single moment of, am I enjoying spending time with them? And people just have, like, if your parents were divorced, like, people just have different understandings of marriage. And so maybe him not wanting to get married doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You know, it might just mean he doesn't agree with this government notion that you need a piece of paper to show one another your love.
- [14:27]
B
Yeah, and I think that is, you know, we were talking about this earlier. Like, that's one of the aspects is, you know, as the princess, we want to have a controlled timeline and an outcome, you know, and so that's why I say, you know, if it's really, like, how is he showing up every day? Like, is he. You know, someone can post about you all they want online and think that's claiming them, but it's like, no, I want to see how they're showing up for me every day when no one's watching. Not the highlight reels, not on the. You know, these sort of things. And yeah, like, just because you have marriage and a ring on the finger doesn't mean that that's actual commitment. So what I'm saying is, like, yeah, just really being honest with yourself, like, what is actually real? How is he actually showing up and going by that? And that's what I feel. If you desire certain things, like babies specifically, you know, this is something pretty important you need to get clear on. So if you desire that, like, it depends on what you desire as the woman, because you are actually creating a lot of the relationship and leading in that. And so whatever you desire, if those things don't matter for you, then just. They don't matter. But if they do, you've got to ask yourself if you're settling and just overriding your internal, deepest heart's desires. And there's nothing wrong if you want this big wedding, if that's what you truly desire, and it feels like it's coming from an integrated place, if someone's never been married before and they really just would love that, it means a lot to them. It's just so important. As women, what do you actually want and be very clear and noticing if there is control around it or agenda. And it's almost like claiming what you desire, but then really releasing the attachment of how it comes and how long it's going to come, but also not overriding certain internal boundaries. Because, for example, with children, you're not going to wait if you're 40. You're not going to wait for someone who is only available for that in 10 years if he's like a younger guy or whatever. So, yeah, it's really just about being honest with yourself, like, what do I actually want? And you get to create, like, you get to create that and really, like, call that in. And you get to deserve what you desire. And we all have different, different things that we want in a relationship.
- [16:58]
A
Yeah, I feel the baby thing is the most like. And of course, women are getting pregnant naturally at 40, 45, even 50. Yeah, even beyond, I heard for sure. You know, so it is expanding, however, it's just, you know, it's rarer. So I do feel that, like, I. I've seen situations. It's heartbreaking that the woman is, like, waiting on this guy to be sure, waiting on this guy to be sure, and then she passes the fertility window. And she deeply wanted to be a mother and lost that opportunity because she was waiting for this guy. And, you know, and then maybe it wasn't meant to be. We don't know. But I feel like that is the thing if, you know, I'm meant to be a mother. And I also feel if, you know, you're meant to be a mother, it's like. Like it's important to want to be a mother so much that it's like, I would also even be okay with co parenting with this person.
- [17:42]
B
Yeah.
- [17:43]
A
You know, and I feel a lot of women, they don't want to go there because they don't want to, like, call that in. And we're not saying to call that in at all, but it's like, we just don't know. You know, relationships are so uncertain. So it's like, you know, I heard this advice that was like, only marry someone that you would be okay, comfortable getting a divorce from. Because in a divorce is when you really get to know someone's true colors. It's really when their fears and their protection and like, all of the. The shadows come out. So it's like, is this someone that. God forbid. But if we were to get a divorce, we would work together, we would communicate. We could be able to do it in the most conscious and loving way possible. Or is it someone that I feel like in a divorce would try to destroy me, you know, because it's like in room. I think you can kind of tell, you know, certain people, like, if a. If a man or woman is, like, very, like, aggressive, very, like, cuts people off, if it's not their way, they're. They're not able to work through challenging situations. Because in every relationship that is going to happen, I think the biggest thing that it happens from is actually kids. You know, I. All my friends, once kids come into the equation, it's like whole new set of challenges in a relationship, because naturally you're going to see parenting in a different way than they are because you've been parented different ways and often opposite ways, and that's what attracted you, you know, so it's like a real initiation when it comes to having children. And it's like the thing that you care about the most, your kids, someone else wants to do it another way that you might feel like is wrong.
- [19:14]
B
Yeah.
- [19:15]
A
Can you still love each other through that?
- [19:17]
B
Yeah. And bring, like, the differences and come into some loving compromise, you know, Like, I was making a meal with the man I was seeing, and he's very stubborn in his ways, and I'm pretty stubborn in my ways. I don't know. He was cooking it in a certain oil, like the fish, and I was doing the salad, and he was trying to tell me what to do, and I was like, wait, let's just stop. You do your thing, do it your way. I'm not going to mention anything of what you're doing. Don't look at what I'm doing. And then we bring it together on the plate. So it's like, I've done it my way. This portion of the relationship, you bring your. However you're going to cook it, and it makes a whole plate. And I saw that as a metaphor. It's like we can actually just bring these differences often. I mean, if it's major, major core values, that's something different. But, yeah, where can we kind of learn from our different viewpoints and meet in the middle? And I think, isn't that the whole point of love? It's like, we can be different, we can have disagreements, but how can we keep coming back to love and lovingly disagree, agree to disagree and just doesn't mean anything if someone has a different opinion to us or viewpoint. It doesn't mean that we have to eject from love. It's actually a chance to come back to love. It's like we can Actually learn from these differences.
- [20:44]
A
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. So who's in your support squad and how have they changed your life? Because let's be real, we all need a squad from healers, therapists, shamans, friends, community, family to support us in all of the different facets of our lives. So lots of us don't have this let's be real. And this is where therapy comes in. So to have someone to sit with you so you can share those deep thoughts in your mind, those deep fears that you might not tell anyone and have the a safe space where you don't feel judged and it doesn't mean anything in the friendship or relationship. And you can really listen to your own inner voice. That is priceless right there. And this is why I highly recommend giving better help a try. It's completely online, making therapy affordable, convenient. You can choose from over 30,000 credentialed therapists by taking a little quiz and switch at any time for no extra cost. So build your support system with better help. Visit betterhelp.comsahar to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.comsahar and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. Absolutely. And I feel that, like, in true love, it's not even a choice, you know, you don't choose the person you love. You can have all these things, I'm looking for this, that, and you just love this person. You're like, I don't even know why. I literally have no idea why I love you so much, but I just do. And it's like. And there is a spiritual assignment there. You know, it's like the way that they cooked the fish, even though it's not how you like it, the way that they lead their lives, even though it's not. And you're like, no, you need to wake up early and do the breath work and this. But it's like Cupid has struck you both by an arrow. And there's something so freaking divine about that. And I just feel like love is such a gift, you know? And we have been handed this gift of love. It's this rare, precious gem that I feel. We're like, no, no, no. I need it to be like this. Or I'm gon. I could copy paste that person, but I want them to be taller, like, whatever. And it's like, God is going to be like, oh, you don't want this gift I handed you, okay, I'll take it back. You know, and then years may go by and you're like, damn, like, that gift, I should have held onto it. It's now it's gone. And. And I feel like there's a wisdom to who falls in love. And it's often very unexpected people, you know, but there is a wisdom. And it's often like, you are really meant to be each other's teachers. You know, you are here to be each other's triggers. You are here to be each other's oracles. You are here to bridge together your unique backgrounds and skill sets and co create something so much bigger that you could have never done on your own.
- [23:20]
B
Yeah.
- [23:20]
A
And I feel a lot of us, we miss that chance of love because we are so in our control mindset and that we think that, like, no, no, I'm gonna find this person. As if it's like, you know, an AI that I can just like code and design and they show up at my door. It's. It's not. And it's like. And I feel as in the princess consciousness, it's like, that man didn't do that. So I'm find a man that does all this plus that. And it's like men and women are unique snowflakes, and you will never find a man or woman who provides that exact same thing that they did. I'm not saying hold on to the relationship forever, but I'm saying don't think you're going to get exactly that. Plus this. There's going to be things, things that this person has that you will never find again.
- [24:05]
B
Yeah.
- [24:05]
A
And I think we need to be honest with that. There are things in that relationship that is just unique to that person and the chemistry between the two of you. And then it's hard to sometimes let go. And then there are things with other people that it will be like, completely different. And some things will be like, so much better in some ways. And some things you're gonna look back to some other relationships too, and just like, we know how unique and one of a kind we are, so are the men. And I feel when we show up in that way, we are so much more compassionate in relationships. We're not looking for this perfect guy to come save us, but we're like, you know, what the medicine really showed me is the men are struggling even more than the women are right now. You know, it's like the feminine we have risen and we're helping each other. And, you know, Internet is highly feminine. Spirituality is highly feminine. We're coaching, we're healing, we're, you know, gathering in goddess circles. And it's like the masculine is like, they will rise, but they're struggling right now. And there's a lot of guilt and there's a lot of like, oh, shit, I just have harmed all these people and I'm wrong, you know, and that, like, coming face to face with a lot of their. Their fears around, like, I'm not financially where I want to be. I'm afraid of committing because I keep changing and all of the things around that. And I share all of this because it's like coming back to what we said of, like, I believe if there is true, genuine love, if there is true interest of both parties to make it work, like, fuck the. Just lean in and see what's there.
- [25:33]
B
Yeah, I mean, you know, there's things around this, like, with love is like, because I've had this. But it comes down to other things as well. Like, the love obviously is the baseline, but, like, things like compatibility, like your actual compatibility, your values, like, these things are what I look for. Obviously, the love and attraction is the first entry point. Then it's like, are we actually compatible? Do we actually value the same things or similar things? Core values, if they're misaligned, I don't think it can really work. Differences are good, but core values and the compatibility thing is just an energetic. You're the missing piece of puzzle for each other and you just complement each other and it can't be forced. It's just what it is. So, yeah, just from going so deep with so many, like, just following love, like it's beautiful, but, like, it wasn't enough to sustain because these other aspects weren't there. And I realized that. And yeah, it's just.
- [26:37]
A
It's very interesting nuance. Because then I wonder, like, is there any, like, even this question of values? And I mean, I. I'm really being honest with you. I'm like, I wonder, like, what does that even really mean, you know? Like, I think on a core level, all of our values are the same. Love, peace, truth, this and that. I don't know, I just. I don't know. I'm such a lover girl that I honestly feel that if there is genuine love there, it's like, okay, maybe your core value. I say I'm love, truth, beauty, joy. You say your joy, Freedom, family, this. I'm like, no, I did not have freedom and family on mine. This shit's over. It's like, I think a Lot of these things are like, like we say it, but it's like, are you really gonna like end a relationship? Because it's like, because the words they chose for their values. Like I feel when you genuinely fall in love, there is a natural alignment in values because you wouldn't fall in love without that.
- [27:31]
B
You're such a lover, you know, Like, I feel the same like when it comes to it.
- [27:38]
A
And also I do agree love is not enough. And sometimes you have to end relationships. Relationships. Because there are things out of integrity and out of alignment. But even the compatibility thing too, like that's something, you know, I really ask the medicine. I'm like, how do we have a forever love? You know, is that even possible these days?
- [27:55]
B
I mean, yeah, like this is the thing I, I always, you know, I think that is also part of like the princess. It's like the forever ever after, you know. And of course, like we all want to be with that person forever like most people want. Like I would say all people want that. They don't want to have to keep changing, going through the heartbreak and all the things. But I don't know, as I've maybe just gotten older and maybe a bit more jaded, I'm not sure. But I just realized also, no, I think it's actually more from the oracle. It's seeing it from the soul perspective, that higher perspective. Realistically, from that realm. Some relationships are meant to be, you know, it's like a reason, a season or a lifetime. So some are meant to be only like the seven year cycle, the 14 year cycle, whatever, or even like a two year cycle. And if we're truly committed to love, like we have to listen to that, you know, because you can. I know couples who, yeah, like they went in and no one thought they would ever break up, you know, it was like they were perfect for each other together like, you know, 15 years. And then what, like broken up. And I just feel that's like a, that's the longevity and like the, that's not a sign of success of a relationship. I don't think it's really like if you're committed to love and that might be like going separate ways and going on those own solo journeys. And maybe you come back, maybe you don't. But like a lot of people just stay in things and they're not actually happy. And I think that's really. Yeah, we need to just realize that the soul is evolving very fast these days. It's not the same as back in our grandparents. We're on A different speed, timeline of evolution. So I think that also is affecting how long we stay with people.
- [29:52]
A
And I think it comes down to what do we prioritize? Do we prioritize a forever relationship over how I feel in this moment, you know, or do I prioritize? I want to feel genuinely in love at all times, and if I don't, I would rather end the relationship and go into the unknown and the singledom and the heartbreak for the potential to find an even deeper love. And again, there's no right or wrong answer. And their choices and sometimes relationships end of things out of your control. And even if you wanted to hold on, it's like, spirit is like, no, nope, this has to end. And sometimes it's like, is this it? Like, is there someone better out there for me? And it's that. But I remember when I sat with the watch human, I asked like, is there a forever relationship? It showed me my grandparents relationship. And they were together for like 61 years until he passed. And so in love and romantic and beautiful. And I was like, I want to love like that. And they're like, but they've dealt with things as a couple that your generation would not be willing to deal with. You know, moving to another country, not having money, not speaking the language, going through a war, going through their kids needing to cross the border. Like, all of the fears. And they thought one of their sons, he was in prison for over a year, they thought they would never see him again. And it was like so many things that would have broken a relationship apart, but it was just in their mind that was not even an option. Yeah, you know, it's like, that's just how marriage was. You marry someone and it's for life, you know, and our generation, whether this is good or bad, I don't know, I just feel we're more committed to our individual growth than we are to make a relationship work. The beauty in that is we're not staying in a necessarily toxic or draining relationship because we've just made this agreement of being married forever. You know, we're much more likely to have the confidence to get a divorce, to say. And it doesn't, you know, obviously things like infidelity, like, I. My mom always taught me it was like growing up Persian. It's like, divorce is not an option unless it's the three A's. Abuse, adultery, or addiction, you know, because those are the things that's like, you can't really change back from there. But there was no concept of like, we've just like fallen out of love. It's like, no, it's like, fall back in love, make it work. You know, not saying that that's better or worse, but that's how people in Indian culture, Middle Eastern culture, these cultures mostly have lifelong relationships. Doesn't mean the quality of the relationship is any better. It's just a commitment and a choice. But then I see the shadow side of. I feel like in Western culture, we're so obsessed with it needs to feel good all the time, that the moment it's like. And. And trust me, there are like, I have friends that their partners have gone through addictions, have gone through, like, big things that, like, even infidelity, you know, but they've chosen to stay together. That was their personal choice and actually have been able to come around stronger. So I think it is like life is going to throw you a series of things in the relationship that could. Will break most relationships apart, should you choose to stay together. Because it's in both of your highest good. And I think that's the big thing. Not staying together because you signed a piece of paper, but staying together because staying together feels like expansive for both of us. And if both parties are really willing to do the work, both can't be one. You know, Rachel and Johan, I don't know if you know them, they're amazing tantra teachers. They've been here on the podcast, shared their whole journey of his infidelity towards her and made them come around stronger, you know, but in my relationship, it was clear that it was done.
- [33:29]
B
Yeah.
- [33:29]
A
You know, so I think it's. It's so nuanced.
- [33:32]
B
Yeah. For sure. And, you know, like, it's almost like, you know, like, when the karma is complete.
- [33:38]
A
Yes.
- [33:38]
B
You know, like, you can feel like, you know, like with my ex, I knew pretty quickly, in maybe four months in that this is not right. But I just knew there was more karma to be played out. I was like, I could go now, but I know that there's another six months or so in this. And it's like, you just know it's not the time to cut it yet. And that's just case by case. Could be like your whole life, you're together and you just keep evolving. You keep growing, and that's the key. Are you evolving together? Are you growing? If you're not growing anymore, then what's the point? That's the point of relationship, I feel. Evolve. It's the fast track to evolution.
- [34:29]
A
Yes. They say the highest spiritual path is to love someone through all the seasons. Of their life because that's all the triggers are going to be there. All of the, like, fears of you're holding me back and this and that and, you know. But. But I'm also curious because I do think our generation is different and I don't think most people are going to be in lifelong relationships in this generation and especially not in the next. But I also feel in a lot of us, it's still. Maybe it's because we grew up with that still. It is this call. So I'm actually really curious to see how it all plays out.
- [35:04]
B
Yeah, yeah. It's wild times.
- [35:06]
A
Wild times for relationships. Okay. Well, this was so amazing. We dove into this. Felt like just like one of our normal conversations. So I'm glad you got to be here. I'm really curious what your thoughts are. Please share with me a Review in the iTunes Store what you loved about this episode. Share it with your friends. This is an amazing conversation to send your friends, share your part with your partner, your situationship and be like, I'm curious what you learned about this and to dive deeper and to have these more nuanced conversations because I do feel like we're in a relationship renaissance right now and no one has it figured out. And the only way we will find our own truth is to be honest. So as a free gift for leaving a review for the podcast, I will send you my womb meditation. So all you got to do is leave a review, take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaamsahararose.com you can find that email and all of the links mentioned today in the show notes. Nadine, where can listeners connect with you?
- [35:59]
B
Yeah, they can find me on Instagram, Tenric Alchemy Official or my website, tantricalchemy.net beautiful.
- [36:06]
A
We'll have those links. Thank you so much for being on. I absolutely adored this conversation. Be sure to subscribe to stay in the flow for future ones. And I can't wait to see you again. Trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom. Trust your inner guidance. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance.