Highest Self Podcast® – Episode 595

Title: "Should You Live Together Before Marriage? And Other Real Questions Answered with Nadine Lee"
Host: Sahara Rose
Guest: Nadine Lee
Date: March 25, 2025

Episode Overview

This candid conversation between Sahara Rose and Nadine Lee dives into modern love, partnership, and the evolving norms of long-term commitment. Sahara and Nadine share their uncensored thoughts on topics like living together before marriage, the difference between ‘princess’ and ‘priestess’ energy, the changing landscape of relationships, and the importance of honoring your own desires as a woman—especially around marriage, children, and cohabitation. The tone is intimate, vulnerable, and sometimes humorous, making listeners feel like a third friend in a heart-to-heart.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Case for Separate Spaces in Relationships

Timestamps: 00:00–04:40

• Nadine advocates for maintaining separate physical spaces, even when living together:

  "If you do choose to live together...having that mindset around not just falling into becoming the wifey...having separate bedrooms—it was really good to keep that polarity and your own spaciousness and sovereignty." (B, 04:40)

• Avoiding the “princess” urge to rush into cohabitation as a form of seeking commitment or validation.
• Suggests that men (and humans in general) value what they work for, paralleling the need to maintain a sense of mystery and effort in relationships.

Does Living Together Before Marriage Guarantee Compatibility?

Timestamps: 06:28–07:29

• Sahara points out the classic question: “How do you know if you can live well together if you never try before marriage?”
• Nadine highlights the importance of extended trips or spending significant time together before fully moving in, rather than fast-tracking cohabitation as a milestone.
• They both critique the idea that sharing on social media is a substitute for real-world commitment.

Beyond Legal Marriage: Rethinking Commitment and Partnership

Timestamps: 09:22–14:26

• Sahara shares a close friend’s relationship (22 years, not legally married, but thriving) as evidence that deep partnership doesn’t always require the rituals or paperwork of marriage:

  “There’s something to the fact that they’re not legally married...they’re still choosing each other, there’s not this heaviness that comes with bringing in the energy of the government.” (A, 12:20)

• Explores the commodification and patriarchal roots of marriage, and how these traditions may not fit modern soul partnerships.
• Encourages focusing less on “locking in” and more on the lived reality of choosing love daily.

Defining & Honoring What You Truly Desire

Timestamps: 14:26–17:42

• Nadine prompts listeners to get honest about their own desires versus operating on cultural autopilot:

  “If those things don’t matter for you, then they don’t matter. But if they do, you’ve got to ask yourself if you’re settling and overriding your heart’s desires.” (B, 15:30)

• Both emphasize that it’s okay to want a traditional marriage or children—but it’s essential to claim this desire from a place of sovereignty.
• Soulful advice: be willing to release attachment to how or when things arrive, but don’t override your own boundaries (especially around critical timelines like fertility).

Children and Relationship Timelines: Not Losing Yourself Waiting

Timestamps: 16:57–19:17

• Sahara shares cautionary stories of women delaying motherhood for a partner’s readiness, sometimes missing their window:

  “It’s heartbreaking that the woman is waiting on this guy to be sure, and then she passes the fertility window...It’s important to want to be a mother enough that you’d even be okay co-parenting if needed.” (A, 16:57)

• On divorce as the ultimate test of someone’s character:

  “Only marry someone you’d be comfortable getting a divorce from...that’s when you really get to know someone’s true colors.” (A, 17:42)

Navigating Differences, Conflict, and Relationship Evolution

Timestamps: 19:17–24:04

• Nadine offers a vivid metaphor for relating across differences:

  “I was making a meal with the man I was seeing...I was like, wait, let’s just stop. You do your thing your way, I’ll do mine...and we bring it together on the plate. That’s a metaphor for relationship.” (B, 19:17)

• They champion learning from differences, not ejecting from love at the first sign of disagreement.
• Sahara frames lasting love as a spiritual assignment, not a checklist:

  “Love is such a gift, and we get so controlling about how it should look. Sometimes we miss the magic right in front of us.” (A, 22:00)

Compatibility vs. Love: Is Love Enough?

Timestamps: 24:04–27:54

• Nadine: “Love obviously is the baseline, but things like compatibility, your actual values, are what I look for...Core values, if they’re misaligned, it can’t really work.” (B, 25:32)
• Sahara questions the rigidity of “values” versus the real (sometimes unexplainable) energy of attraction and love.
• Both share honestly that sometimes love isn’t enough if other alignment is missing, and it’s okay to walk away from something not serving you.

Lifelong Love vs. Love for a Season

Timestamps: 27:54–34:28

• Nadine challenges the “forever love” narrative:

  “Some are meant to be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime...That’s not a sign of success of a relationship. Sometimes commitment to love means letting go.” (B, 27:54)

• Sahara references ancestral resilience—her grandparents stayed together through war and hardship:

  “They dealt with things your generation would not be willing to deal with…In their mind, leaving was not even an option.” (A, 29:52)

• A nuanced reflection: our generation prioritizes self-growth, and the stigma of divorce is less, but we may also struggle to build lasting foundations.

Evolving Together: Growth as the True Measure

Timestamps: 33:32–35:03

• Nadine reflects on knowing when a relationship has run its karmic course:

  “You can feel when the karma is complete...Are you growing together? If you’re not growing anymore, then what’s the point?” (B, 33:38)

• Sahara and Nadine agree: the true “success” of a relationship is mutual evolution, not just longevity.

Closing Reflections

Timestamps: 34:28–35:58

• Sahara: “The highest spiritual path is to love someone through all the seasons of their life...But I don’t think most people are going to be in lifelong relationships in this generation.”
• Nadine: “It’s wild times for relationships.”

Notable & Memorable Quotes

• "Maintaining polarity and spaciousness is why I advocate for separate spaces, even in cohabiting relationships."
  — Nadine Lee, 04:40

• “Claiming you is not moving in together or sharing on Instagram. Claiming you is when he’s made big, big commitments, not just gestures online.”
  — Nadine Lee, 06:36

• "There’s something to the fact they’re not legally married—they’re still dating each other, still choosing each other."
  — Sahara Rose, 12:20

• “Only marry someone you’d be comfortable getting a divorce from. That’s when you really see someone’s true colors.”
  — Sahara Rose, 17:42

• “If both parties are truly willing to do the work, both can’t be one.”
  — Sahara Rose, 32:50

• "Are you evolving together? If you're not growing anymore, then what’s the point? That's the point of relationship, I feel.”
  — Nadine Lee, 33:38

Overall Tone & Takeaways

Warm, reflective, and deeply honest, this episode explores the often unspoken realities and contradictions of conscious relationship. Sahara and Nadine don’t offer formulas—they invite ongoing discovery, conscious choice, and permission to honor your own truth, wherever you are on your journey. They center spiritual growth, mutual evolution, and the courage to let go of what no longer serves (even if it challenges cultural norms or inherited ideals).

Connect with the Guests

• Nadine Lee:
  • Instagram: @tantricaalchemyofficial
  • Website: tantricalchemy.net

Episode Highlights by Timestamp

• 00:00–04:40: The importance of separate spaces in relationships for sustaining polarity
• 06:28–07:29: Can you know compatibility without living together?
• 09:22–14:26: Sacred union vs. legal marriage—questioning tradition
• 14:26–17:42: Honoring what you really want; nuances in timelines and fertility
• 19:17–24:04: Embracing differences and learning love’s lessons
• 24:04–27:54: Love vs. compatibility; letting go when needed
• 27:54–34:28: Lifelong love myths; evolution as the aim
• 34:28–35:58: Final reflections; facing the unknown with honesty

For listeners seeking real, unfiltered wisdom on love, partnership, and choosing your personal path (whether it fits tradition or not), this episode will inspire and empower.